Tuesday Quick Hits

You know, ‘cause I gotta do work and stuff too (I just can’t let a day go by, can I? I want you all to take a little P with ya to brighten your day):

1-So I’m checking out Snow Tubing parks for a weekend excursion, and as you know the weather has been really warm lately so I asked the nice lady at tubing park to see if there hills will be open. Our dialogue:

Tube Lady: "We groom every day, so right there you'll have a good 5-6 inches"
P: "Terrific! Well miss- I also, in fact, groom every day...and I can appreciate someone who likes a good 5-6 inches..."

And then she hung up. She must get that a lot.

2-I think that whoever invented the "Ring Top" soup cans for easy opening is a genius. I would pretend to pull the ring and throw it like a grenade except, you know, I’d lose my soup.

3-I’m aware that I have a really bizarre patter/writing style. It makes many, many people frequently say "WTF?" Secretly, I hope it’ll pass off as something resembling charm and wit, causing mad throngs of women to want to throw their underwear at me. Again- "WTF?"

4-Online, and for the record: I really, seriously, thought "Transporter 2" was a boo too disappointment. (Sorry loves. I like the Statham too.) Ask me to elaborate sometime and I will.

5-I cooked up a mess O’ hardboiled eggs the other day. A mess. They turned out pretty well (Shells came off easily, etc…) and lordy knows I need the protein. But MAN, did my house REEK of egg for the rest of the day. My fridge still smells a little sulphury. Ish.

6-Since Sunday? I’ve eaten all the eggs. Well, the whites anyway. My mom would be pissed that I threw out the yolks to the birds. Cool Hand Luke, I ain't...

7-El Paso Black Bean Salsa is the bomb.

8-I asked my Indian co-worker how to say "Safe Travels" in Hindi so I could write something that looked all High-Falutin’ for my friend MD’s trip to India. She looked at me and smiled, and then said "Give me some paper" Still Smiling. She wrote Aapki yaatra sukhad ho. (And: Lil’ pat on the back to me, thanks. According to her I pronounced it "Very Good") Anyway, she kept smiling and I asked if it actually said "safe journeys" and she said "Yes". Well, I can’t say that I 100% believe her. I think it probably says something like "Nice Rack" or "You’ve got a nice dumper" or something crass. She’s sneaky that way.

9-I had a dream the other night that I started an interactive dinner theatre experience in Saint Paul called "We Gotta Porno". Really no explanation needed, since y’all probably get the jist of what it’s about. Anyway, I think if I get it up and running it’ll sell like IHOP pancakes.
It was a really effin’ good dream too. I’m thinking Freud is spinning in his grave over that one.

10- Words that are still pretty gawdamn funny: Choad, Merkin, Muffin Top, Foopa, Hussy, Gonads. (Which is terrible, because it makes me laugh when I see someone type out "Gnocchi")

11- Speaking of terrible word association: A co-worker was eating "Famous Amos" cookies so I walk by his desk and say "Ohhhhh, munching on some ‘Famous Anus" huh?" Miracle. I’ll be unemployed soon.

12-Ooooo- When using the restroom, I hate being relegated to the "shorter" urinal. It makes me feel like Uncle Buck

13- (Last one, I swear) This is terrible. I donated $10 to a raffle for a co-worker whose husband recently passed away due to cancer. I'm happy to donate toward this sort of thing...but I won't lie. I really want to win a digital camera.