Hot

I love my spartan diet, even if it still gets me ridicule.

"What are you doing?"
"Making my lunch"
"What is it?"
"Hearty Tomato Soup"
"What are you putting in it?"
"Tabasco"
"Why are you putting that in?"
"Did my co-worker suddenly get replaced with a 6 year old?"
"Well?"
"I like the taste. I like hot sauce. Mom used to punish big brother and I with it if we swore. Rubbed it on our mouths. I acquired a taste"
"I don’t think it helped you much"
"Whatthefuckever"
"Doesn’t that make it too hot?"
"Nope. It contains capescin which is good for your metabolism. It helps your circulation."
"You’re gross"
"Your mom is gross"

I guess that little dialogue just "popped in there" when I drove past El Meson the other day. I love that restaurant and it’s been many moons since I’ve been there. I particulary enjoy telling a story about how I used to live 2 blocks away from it. A dear old friend of mine thought we should grab dinner there and as we placed our orders (I had the pineapple chicken and rice, he opted for steak. Honestly, you go to a Carribean restaurant and order steak?) he asked the server if they had hot sauce. The server asked him "How hot ya want it?". He replied "Well I’m from the South, so what’s the hottest you got?" The server presents him with "Ass in the Tub" hot sauce, complete with a little graphic of a donkey sitting in a clawfoot tub. He proceeds to liberally douse his steak with this stuff and hands it to me. I examine the bottle and pay particular attention to the comment "Do not get near eyes, or have prolonged contact with the skin". Hmm. Sounded like a hot ticket. I put a little test dollop on the corner and give it a try. Immediate mouth shock. Bad. No food taste. (insert Ralphie Wiggin-ism) Tastes like burning. I look up at my friend who is currently in the process of emptying my glass of water, slams it down, and then drinks my soda.

"Dude. I think you need milk."
"Ahhhhhhh! P…I can’t HEAR anything"

It was all resolved with a quick jump across the street to the Ice Cream shoppe. I called to check in on him the next day and he informed me that yes…the aftermath was about as bad as the ingestion.

Ass in the tub indeed.