I'd like to say...

For the record.

That I think X3 was pretty good. I'll even go so far as to say that I'd even see it again in theatre's...'Kay, maybe not. Maybe a matinee. Definitely gonna buy it on DVD.

And that, pampers, is the start to my weekend.

Frids: 'Peppa was sweet enough to treat me to din-din at Erte' (God that place is so yum-yum.) before she needed to spit the bit over to her Scrimshow. In the interim, I thought..."Well shit, P. You should go see a movie." So after a quick naplet, it was off like a prom dress to the BC Regal Theatre for some solo movie watching. That's right. My first foray into seeing movies by my lonesome. I know, I know. "A lot of people do it P. You are far from one of God's Most Special Creatures for seeing a movie by yourself" Shup. It was very liberating, thank you.

Sats was quite the busy day, with rehearsal/shopping (Post Pay-Day grocery trips are fun and exciting. Christ, between this and seeing a movie by myself for the first time, you'd think I'm a changed man! No, folks. I'm just ridiculously easy to please.) then a barbecue at Chutney and Pad's, then home for some chill.

Saturday night I smacked Mo in her sleep because I dreamt a pincher beetle was attacking me in the bathroom and was too nimble for me to sqoosh. The look on her face was priceless. Sorry hon.




Sunday? Well, if we're continuing the tradition of being "easy to please" as the topic du jour- I'd like someone to tell me what's cooler than lazily loafing in bed on a Sunday a.m. when there is a light booming thunderstorm in the distance. Anyone?

Right. S'what I thought.

Sunday...We got haircuts together. That, folks...has got to be the silliest date ever. ("Did you take that hair gel from another station?"/"Yes?"/"Well what if THEY came over and just TOOK one of your neck wraps?"/"We share"/"Oh.")

It was a day of manual labor frass while I frantically got my pit of a house ready for some p.m. company. MD, M2, Peppa, Bean and I grilled (She whipped up some bad-ass poultry burgers that I dropped the hell out of. And yes, love. 'Bean and I agreed that more jalapeno' would have been cool), frassed (How many times can I annoy my date by stroking her face?), and contemplated whether or not MD and I should throw on our sparring gear and whoop it up in my backyard. (Probably smart that we didn't. My backyard looks like a demilitarized zone.)

And today...having had dinner with a pair of genetically gifted fitness models, I awoke at 5am and did a shit-ton of crunches. 'Cause that's how I roll.


It was hotter'n a bitch out this weekend. Swea-T-Bells hot.

Happy Birthday, Rusty!

Wish you were here....

Thanks for, you know. Stuff. Helping me breathe.


XOXOXOXO

NEW WORD FRIDAY!

I've decided that in place of saying something is "cool", or "good" I'm gonna say "Shatner".

"How you doin' P?"

"Shatner..."

"Did you watch the new Superman movie? It's so Shatner".


"Hey baby, that outfit looks sooooo Shatner on you."

Try it out. Give'er a whirl. Helps me.


In other news- Stay cool this weekend and keep the animals inside. It's fixin' to be hotter n' a bitch out.

In other, other news- If you don't have any major plans 'round 10pm tonight or Saturday night go see 'Peppa in the Scrimshow at the BLB. They're remounting their "24" spoof and it was pretty Shatner.

In other, other, other news...I start rehearsal this weekend, have a shit ton of projects to complete b4 having MD over on Sunday for a small-be-Q. Spicy Chicken Burgers and red curry marinated chicky boobs. A totally Shatner spread.


STAY COOL! STAY SHATNER!

Happy B'Day..bidet...RSVP!

Today marks the big kid Bar Mitzvah Birthday of my big bro Ro! Last year I think I frassed a list of notorious events in Biggables life, but w/in the last 12 months much has changed for the both of us. I'd like, today, to tell y'all one of my favorite stories today, which sort of encapsulates my feelings about the man:

My mom was teaching belly dancing for a community ed class years and years ago. Ro and I were sent outside the building in order to wait for her class to end, and he was left with explicit instructions to "watch me". There was a jungle gym across the street from the center, with the kind of metal tubes and wooden poles that enticed little kids to embark on a knee-scraping adventure, so I went tearing ass across the street...oblivious to the two teen girls speeding along on their 10-speeds.*

Whammo.

I remember flying toward one of the wooden pillars, then stars, then nothing. When I slowly started to get up (getting full on ready to scream bloody murder) I looked down in the gravel to a steady stream of blood apparently fauceting from my face. I dizzily turned around, to get my bearings and head back to find mommy, when there...arms raised in the air, fists pumping, yelling "I'm gonna kiiiill yooooou!!!" at the top of his lungs...running his 7 year old ass full bore after the two lil' gals. (Who at this point had discarded their wrecked bikes and were high-tailing it away from the scene of the accident, and the once and future ninja.)

My hero. Protecting the honor of yours truly.


See folks. Within the last 8 months, Ro has proven beyond doubt or question that he is an incredibly honorable and wonderful man. And wicked funny. You shoulda seen him in the kung fu shows.

I love you biggs. Happy Birthday!

Congrats if you make it through this meme...

Ganked from the Callboard.Frass

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? There are no doors on my closet, dear Liza.
2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? Yes.
3. Have you ever 'done it' in a hotel room? If, by "it" you mean steal the soap, yes.
4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before? Yes
5. Do you like to use post-it notes? Yes
6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? Always
7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? A swarm of bears.
9. Do you always smile for pictures? No. Pouty Petunia's make for funny pictures.
10. What is your biggest pet peeve? People who take things/themselves too seriously. Lighten up. Don't be so sensitive. And people who are disrespectful, judgemental, or arrogant. People who revel in those traits need to be slapped. And I have just the mangled open palm to do it with.
11. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? Out
12. Do you ever count your steps when you walk? No
13. Have you ever peed in the woods? Does a swarm of bears s#it in the woods?
14. Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing? Always. It’s beautiful
15. Do you chew your pens and pencils? Yes
16. How many people have you slept with this week? If by "slept with" you mean steal hotel soap-None.
17. Do you like popcorn from those big tins? No
18. What is your "Song of the week"? "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley. Or "Sunday Morning Frassy Pampies" by Maroon 5
19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink? 1984 called. Don Johnson wants his shirt back
20. Do you still watch cartoons? Oh. Yes.
21. Whats your favorite scary movie? Just one? Does "Jaws" count?
22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? On the Isla Del Monte Cristo
23. What do you drink with dinner? This…is the dumbest question yet.
24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in? I’ll pass. Gimme the satay skewers with peanut sauce. 25. What is your favorite food/ cuisine? Seafood/Asian
26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love? Original Trilogy Star Wars, Ghostbusters, LoTR, etc...
27. Last person you kissed/kissed you? Moses
28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout? Yup
29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? In a Will Ferrell way, yeah. (Airbrushed abdominal muscles are hot.)
30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? My brother’s birthday card?
31. Can you change the oil on a car? Yup.
32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket? Yup
33. Ran out of gas? Beewoop Beewoop…already answered this one. 1st car.
34. Favorite kind of sandwich? Grilled chicken, marinated in something yummers
35. Best thing to eat for breakfast? Egg Beaters with a lot of vegetables
36. What is your usual bedtime? My bedtime is unusual
37. Are you lazy? Terribly
38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for halloween? Spider Man, Peter Venkman, Indiana Jones, A bunny
40. How many languages can you speak? English fluently. Followed by German (conversational) and tiny smatterings of Spanish, Japanese, and Chinese. I'd love to be a polyglot.
41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions? No
42.Which are better legos or lincoln logs? Legos
43. Are you stubborn? This question is racist
44. Who is better...Leno or Letterman? Who?
45. Ever watch soap operas? No
46. Afraid of heights? No
47. Sing in the car? Yes
48. Dance in the shower? If by "Dance" you mean "Have Sex", yes.
49. Dance in the car? If by "Dance", you mean "Have Sex", then yes.
50. Ever used a gun? Yup
51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Does the photo booth in Wall Drug count?
52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Nope. I think Cheese is delicious.
53. Is christmas stressful? It’s my motherfuckin’ birthday, bitches! Remember this year, ‘kay? 54. Ever eat a pierogie? Yup.
55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Apfel or Blueberry. I like cheesecake better.
56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Forensic pathologist, freelance photographer for the "Daily Bugle", US Army Special Forces, an Archeologist (Until I found out they don’t usually wear fedora’s or carry bullwhips) Huey Lewis, a Ninja, a Magician, a Ghostbuster. My brain rank is #1.
57. Do you believe in ghosts? Of course.
58. Ever have a deja vu feeling? Totally…have you asked me this question before? That’s soooo weird.
59. Take a vitamin daily? Several. Multi-vit for active boys, Echinacea, Ginseng, NO2 (Cycled tri-weekly) and occasionally sublingual B12 drops.
61. Wear a bath robe? Yeah.
62. What do you wear to bed? Regular boxers, or raw.
63. First concert? "Weird Al" Yankovic at Valleyfair. Geef was at the same one.
64. Wal-Mart, Target or K-Mart? Pamida.
65. Nike or Adidas? Old School Puma’s
66.Cheetos Or Fritos? Baked Tostito’s, bitches.
67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Sunflower Seeds, Mulder.
68. Ever hear of, "gorp"? Yup. It’s awesome.
69. Ever take dance lessons? Yeah. Shup.
70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? That would mean marriage. And that would be: Frass-No.
71. Do you have a crush on someone right now? Shhhhh, I no tell!
72. Ever won a spelling bee? Yup. I remember every fucking word I messed up, too. Fucking "Remembering"…fucking "Mackerel"…so I spelled it "Macker-AL"…the Oxford English version CLEARly states that that is an acceptable spelling. District 279 bitches.
73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? I don’t know if I can cry any more.
74. Own any record albums? Quite a few, actually.
75. Own a record player? Somewhere?
76. Regularly burn incense? Yeah. I’m a hippy.
77. Ever been in love? I love everyone. I’m a lover.
78. Who would you like to see in concert? Prince
79. What was your last concert you saw? Sia
80. Hot tea or cold tea? Hot, please.
81. Paris or Nicole? I’d like to visit Paris someday.
82.Favorite kind of cookie? Chocolate Chip
83.Can you swim well? Fuck, yes. I’m part dolphin.
84.Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose? What?
85. Are you patient? Yes and No.
86. DJ or band, at a wedding? I’m not going to be able to get away from this, am I? Band.
87.Ever won a contest? Yup. I ate more raw oysters than RSvP once.
88. Ever have plastic surgery? No. Deal with my looks, people.
89. Which are better, black or green olives? Black. On Pizza
90.Can you knit or crochet? Crotch-it?
91. Best room for a fireplace? Den
92. Do you want to get married? #92 is really getting on my nerves.
93. Last Wedding you went to? My best friend Ry-gonn.
94. Who was your HS crush? Who wasn’t? I was a crusher.
95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? No. Quit yer bitchin.
96. Do you have kids? Nopers
97. Do you want kids? Not really.
98. Whats your favorite color(s)? Blue
99. Do you miss anyone right now? Not really.
100. Who do you wanna see right now? A winning lottery ticket.

So this is weird...I'm looking in my underpants drawer this a.m., and I couldn't seem to find any that I wanted to wear. Am I losing my mind? I mean, there were the themed skivvies, the silk boxers that I never wear, the natty banana hammock briefs that I usually don for karate...but no boxer briefs.

Come back to me, underpants...

This is interesting...

I had to break into my own house yesterday...

So my roommie was out for the night on Sats, so Sunday a.m. right before I headed to home # 2 to pick up some more topsoil and pretty posies I left a note in case he came home while I’m out and about.When I get back, I see his car there so I head in to get changed into my lawn frassin’ garb when…Oops! My front door won’t open. I leaned on the doorbell for hours, knocked, threw my shoulder into the door. (Right...break it down, P) And I even got a little worried. (Was 'Bean okay? Did the old roommate show up and change my locks?) FORtunately, I was able to pop the window screen in the front (Thankfully the window was open) pushed in the couch, and slid in all ninja like. (Raking my frassin’ scratched shin on the window sill. That’ll wake ya up in the morning)

I gently bounded up stairs to make sure the ‘Bean was alive….and there he was. Passed out. Belly moving.
“’Bean?” said I.

The man didn’t bat an eye.

Gone to the world.

Later I told him all about it (Much to his guilt and chagrin) and informed him that our deadbolt works like a charm, and that he should try not too take the issue of home safety so seriously.

One of my favorite places

The Farmer’s Market.

It’s a taste sensation. Seriously. A couple of bucks, and you have enough roughage for a week. I love the smells (Cinnamon, Brats, Incense), the people (So frassin’ ecclectic), the hippy dippy artisan shit (No, I don’t need that turquoise native American necklace…but I still want it.) I’m even thinking about investing in a man bag to bring with me that I can put all of my produce in.

It made for an awesome curry dinner last night. (Curried veggies over jasmine rice. And yes, we did make the curry appropriately this time.)

Maybe I’ll see you there some Saturday or Sunday morning?

I'm a big fat clod

This is what I do to myself.

Due to being stuck in ‘hearsals for so long, my house was getting gross. Like, laundry was lying about. Grass was overgrown. Weeds everywhere. Fucking…dust. Hairball piles. And for anyone that’s familiar with my obsessive-compulsive tendencies will understand that this is unacceptable as hell.

So Saturday A.M., after a quick trip to the most loverly place in the world (Read: Farmers Market) I decided to kibosh ‘fu in lieu of some hard core house frassin.

While taking care of the aforementioned list (Including warshing the runner rugs, which had only acted as a receptacle for cat barf lately) I started to realize that I was slowly running out of time. So by mid-afternoon I started to fear that I wouldn’t have half the shit done that I had planned, and therefore I kicked it into overdrive.

Which is the point where I should mention that, in cleaning /dusting the hell out of my hardwood stairs, I first cleaned them top to bottom. Went to go get a new rag. BOUNDED upstairs full tilt when WHOOP! Hit a slick spot in my socks, going ass over teakettle and making a faceplant on the top stair. Yes. It hurt. Yes, I have precious little skin left on my shin. Vain actor that I am, I bolted into the bathroom to see if it left a mark. (It didn’t) And it was then and there that I became "that guy". That percentage of the population who gets (sometimes) seriously injured doing projects around the house.

I suppose this really is a stupid and long winded story, but where it get’s better is (That evening) when I was doing the show I flopped a little too hard down on a chair and I caught a metal corner right on my butt bone. It now hurts to sit. And later that night, (And this is really how ‘tardo I am) I thought I had an ingrown hair/pimple on my face… that I was desperate to find and pop. So I’m picking away at my dad gum face like I’m gonna find something when I realize: "Hey…there ain’t no pimpa pimpa! That’s where you decided to head butt the top stair with your face!"

And I cut open my finger trying to open the bottle of Sauvignon Blanc. That f#cker hurts. Right on the joint. I really need adult supervision. Badly.

Hey P! Does your face hurt?

‘Cause it’s KILLING me!

Boring ol' MeMe

1. Last thing that you burned while attempting to cook?
Toast, or prolly something on the grill
2. Describe yourself in 3 "S" words:
Sinful, Sassafrass, Snarky
3. How long does it take you to get ready for your day?
Seconds
4. Favorite place to blow $50.00.
Sadly, the Grocery and Liquor stores. It usually means I'm getting ready to have a party.
5. How many people have you thought were " the one"?
Neo?
6. What is something that turns you off from the opposite sex?
Arrogance...big turn off. Being judgemental is nasty too.
7.What kind of car do you drive?
A Saturn POS
8.Whats in your cd-player /Ipod right now?
The “Blackbeard, for Instance Awesome Mix”
9. What celebrity would you like to have coffee with?
If, by "coffee" you mean "sex", I'm gonna go with the ol' stand by Jennifer Connelly.
10. What celebrity wouldn't you have coffee with?
All of them. Like I’m gonna meet a celebrity.
11. What kind of toothpaste do you use?
What the fuck kind of question is this?
12. What time do you go to bed?
Too late.
13. Last movie you saw?
"Harry Potter 2: Electric Boogaloo” last night.
14. Last TV show you watched?
I don’t
15. Who is your best friend?
I have best “friends”. I’m a pluralist
16. Who in your family do you best get along with?
I don’t like this sentence structure.
17. Who do you have a crush on?
I'm crushing your head
18. What time is it right now?
Do I look like a clock to you? Clocksucker.
19. Are you planning a vacation / travel ?
Always. Jabas and I frassed about a Disneyworld trip just this last weekend.
20. When where was the last time you traveled?
Rapid City So-Dak! Pictures available on request.
21. How many times have you been in love?
Several
22. How old will you be in 10 yrs?
10 years older
23. Where do you see yourself in 10yrs?
10 years older…and hopefully debt free.
24. Sinful snacking weakness?
Everything. I’m a compulsive snacker. (See Mikeyp, circa July 4th at Redwrights house. No pinwheel went unscathed. I was a snacky frass. Oh, seasoned french fries'll get me too!)
25. Roller coaster?
Is the word “roller coaster” meant to be an interrogative?
26. Ever run out of gas?
Once. The very first outing in my very first car.
27. Ever been on a train?
Yep
28. Ever been on a blind Date?
Nope. I’ve seen every one.
29. Ever been to Europe?
Yup.
30. What would you do if you could be the opposite sex for one day?
Um…Take a long bath?
31. Would you tell anyone it was you?
If I farted? Probably
32. Ever been arrested?
Nope.
33. Have had a crush on anyone you work with?
I'm in theatre, people. Doesn’t this shit happen to us regularly?
34. What is something you believe in?
Unconditional Love. It's the greatest.
35. What is something you fear?
Fay-Le-Yur. Losing my house.
36. Big or small?
Grower
37. What is the worst physical or emotional pain you have ever experienced?
I had a pretty bad headache on Saturday night. Emotionally? You know… I had a bummer Dec/Jan.
38. What is your favorite television show?
Is the “A-Team” still on?
39. Tell us something about your childhood?
Magical
40. What would it cost you to flash the person next to you?
Is it Thursday already?
41. Best time to catch you in a good mood?
Post Coitus...and that would be my out loud voice.
42. If you could be anything for one day what would it be?
A superhero 4
3. Most prized possession?
My house
44. Would you ever sell it?
I plan on it, yeah.
45. What are your pet peeves?
People who take shit too seriously. Seriously. Lighten up. And laundry.
46. Favorite kind of Ice Cream?
I’m addicted to Javalanche.
47. Coolest thing that happened to you today...
I woke up.

Bad Patriot's...

You wouldn't think I was based on the old Patriotic Rushmore visit....but....

4th of Joo-lie brought my second Happy Birthday America party at the casa del WW. Hanging with some of my favorite people, frassin' in the Big Blue Moat, soaking up the sun, cocktailing, and eating make this a "must attend" hot ticket. (And frick, the weather was fixin' to be go-jus!)

'Bean, Mopeppa, and I headed over and per normal were the first guests to arrive...and lord...did they have a spread. So. Much. Food.

The day was incredible. The sun was beautiful. The food was AWEsome (I et my weight in pinwheels.) The company was top-shelf frassable (Jabas, LSA, Geikelbergs, TLC and BD, The whole WW clan, Musgravables, and the Eitelrickson's just ta name a few.)

What never really occurred to me that, for the most part, I'd spent pretty much 5 days in a row in the sun. By 5pm...a combination of sun, full belly, wine, and frass meant P=tired pumpkin.

After engaging in the hug/kiss Minnesotan good byes that I'm so fond of (Especially where you circle the group a SECOND time for a SECOND round of hugs and kisses to the chorus of "I thought you were leaving 10 minutes ago?") We made the perilous...PERILOUS...3 block trek back to my place for a very much needed nap before hitting the fireworks display at St. Anthony Main. And nap we did. Hard.

Then I was nudged awake at 10:15pm. With fire-boomies softly cackling off in the distance. We missed, fireworks. (Technically we saw the grand finale as we hopped in the car and hustled through DT Mipples...but missed the meat of the shebang)

"We're bad Americans..."


I hope everyone had a happy 4th! This years? In spite of missing the boomie boom's? INfinitely better than last year.

I.J.S

Pampies, Road Trips, And other whimsies...

(Note: I made this in "serial" format, for ease of reading...)

Well we’re back-ah. It was an amazing trip from day 1, and I want to start by thanking ma and pa for the use of their pervertible. (I was almost sad when I had to trade it back) RSvP for the use of the camping gear, and finally- the great state of SoDak for being…um, South Dakotlian. I’m gonna regurg the trip day bidet, and if I leave anyting out Moped’ll prolly correct me via comments or on her own FriendlyBlogSpace dealio…(And I’ll have pics up eventually. Eventually)

Friday...day one

After a stop at our banks and some a.m. java we were off. The weather stayed ridiculously nice, and I’ve have discovered a new vehicular love in the form of cruise control. Air temps reached 104 degree’s as we periodically slathered on the SPF 30. Even came close to a little sunstroke.
And after a while? You start to lose track of the number of Wall Drug and "Visit Rushmore" signs. Pushy signs.

"Can you imagine actually living here?"

We pit stopped in Wall Drug before making our final lap to the camp. Looking in the rearview mirror, I was amazed to see that my hair had actually started dreading itself due to the wind whipping. (I gave it a half assed brushing and nearly pulled out half the hair on my head.) 1st stop, we sallied up to the Badlands Bar for a celebratory refreshment. There were several purty young gals working behind the bar, all with very distinctive accents. I was convinced that the bar was a front for a Russian Mail Order Prostitution ring, but before I could continue my frass diatribe Mo-ped asks: "Where are you from?"/"Russia" (She was a college student, you see)/"What brings you all the way out here to South Dakota?"/"It’s Central"

Can’t argue with that.

After some picture taking, bumper sticker getting, and gift shoppe-ing, we bid our adieu to the Drug of Wall. "Can you imagine actually living here? I’d pray for death…daily." We finally arrived at the KOA, checked in, and set up camp…just missing the cowboy poet. It was a really nice campground (In spite of one side being natural beauty, and the other being a privacy fence where you could see suburban houses) A brief hot tub dip (Mo Fo was the Clorine-iest) and it was hay-hitting time.

9 hours in the car’ll do that to ya.

Day two was meant fer hiking...

I know breakfast isn’t a great topic to start off with, but I need to tell you about the magical cowboy pancakes. Imagine a breakfast that is only $1 All you can eat cake-age. I asked the good cowboy Horton (Who was in the process of making a magical pony pancake for a little girl. BTW, he can and will make you a Spider Man Pancake if you want.) what the record number was.

"Some feller done et himself 28 pancakes wunce." "28?". "Yup". "I think I can beat him". (I didn’t. But I did eat me some cakes. Needed some fuel for the day, knowwhutI’msayin?)

Moseph and I would watch the new pankcakers arrive and try to guess how many they would eat ("I’d peg that guy at a solid 17." "Ummmm, I don’t think so. I don’t think he’ll get past 15…wait. Shit, he’s getting biscuits and gravy!") When we were done, we decided to plan our day…which can seem daunting when it’s two flibbertigibbets doing the planning.

We knew that we wanted to hike. (And we knew that a 1.5-hour jaunt to Devils Tower would invariably be 3 hours out of our day for driving.) We knew we wanted to see Rushmore. So Mo the diplomat went and asked the cute campground boy for fun, leisurely day hikes. So, he points us in the direction of Custer Park and Harney Peak. ("Horny Peak? That’ll NEVER get old!") Apparently this place is the highest point between the Appalachians and the Rockies. How the highest point is deemed "leisurely" is beyond me, but we wanted to get out and move so we moved.

You know, I’ve always seemed to remember Rushmore as being a tad underwhelming. You know? I was wrong. Way wrong. There they were. The guys. ("Look. Roosevelt’s wearing a mini-yarmulke."/"I think that’s for fireworks, hon") We meandered down to the Borglum muesem (If you’ve ever driven I-90 out West, it’s the museum that is advertised almost as much as Wall Drug. Threatens you, actually. Practically calls you a Commie if you don’t go.) It was actually pretty frassin’ cool. We checked out the whole shebang, and stopped for a moment to read all of the famous presidential quotes.

"We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed, by their Creator, with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness."

And we cried a little bit. Just a little bit.

We had a brief M.O.F (Moment of Frass) after we left when it was discovered that we were almost outta gas. (Moses pulled me outta that one "Hey, if you’re gonna run outta gas you might as well do it when you’re on an adventure.") But we arrived at the trail head and started for the peak. The trail was top-shelf gorgeous, with flecks of hematite causing the footpath to glint like jewels. ("Is that broken glass?"/"Yeah. We’re on Broken Beer Bottle Trail") By the time we neared the peak, we were both pretty peaked out. (We didn’t pack any nibbles, and probably could’ve stood to bring a 2nd bottle of water) The last leg of the trail was a series of "too-high" granite stairs that lead to the peak. ("These aren’t stairs! These are like, foot and a half fuck-you’s!") After releasing some ballast (prrrrrt) we finally arrived at the peakable.

And it was beautiful. Spectacular even. And worth every step. The trip back down was infinitely easier, btw. ("I think I’m gonna go for a jog when we get back to camp"/"Sure, P.")

We did not, in fact, run outta petrol and we were able to get back to the cute lil’ town of Hill City. Instead of hitting the Presidential wax museum ("I’ll have too much of a desire to bring in a matchbook when we get to the 2000-2008 Pooch-Screwing Pressies") we opted to try a little wine tasting at the local winery.

There is a reason So Dak isn’t known for it’s wine. Ugh.

Fearing hunger would overcome us, we headed back to camp for dinner and it was here that we decided to have ourselves a movie night. That’s right. In the middle of Goddess and Nature, we peeled open the laptop and watched "Labyrinth" like we were at a drive-in. It was awesome.

Then…crashed.

For reference:

Rushmore:
http://www.nps.gov/moru/

Horny Peak: (Mo, did you see the plaque covering the dead guys ashes?)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harney_Peak

Labyrinth:
http://imdb.com/title/tt0091369/

I'd to take a second to point out a few things:

1) At the campsite across from us, there was a family of 6. Our introduction to the youngest came when we saw her barreling her toddler self down the road, wearing a lil’ white sundress, and a hot pink native American headdress over her bright blonde curls. All the while she was shrilly screaming like a bat out of hell, trying to run away from her two older siblings who were chasing her. (It sounded almost like a car alarm) While she was doing this, she was lifting up her dress to expose her diaper’s to the world at large. We gave the young thing dialogue, which was probably only funny to us ("NO. I will NOT be the sacrifice tonight. I was the Indian Sacrifice LAST night! EEEEEeeeeeeee!!!!") and I nicknamed the little pouty petunia "Pampies". And Pampies Pouted. The whole time we were there.

2) At the campsite behind us, a redneck couple set up one of them family-style two room tents that sleeps 10. That’s right. 2 people. Necks: Red. (Full on Kentucky waterfall on the man. Full-On stay up bangs on the lady.) They fought constantly. And set up the ginormous tent that was WAY more space than they needed. (Or maybe they did need the space?) The dumb thing even had Christmas rope lighting.

And they only stayed for one night. One.

3) A little button boy was running around the campground with his six-shooter cap gun shooting everyone and everything. I put up my hands in a "Don’t Shoot" gesture but the little fucker shot me anyway. Rather than play dead, I got up…and ambled after him with my arms out screaming "BRAINS!" like I was the living dead. Kid never came through our campsite again though.

4)Teenage boys and girls only work out at campgrounds to get tail. I’m convinced.

5) South Dakota wine still sucks.

6) Pampies bought an inflatable pool toy and the only time we saw here smile was when she was walking around holding the box it came in. A chase, again, ensued when her family vainly attempted to get it from her so that they could inflate it. More screaming. More pampie frass.

7) Every gift store in So Dak carries the exact same shit. Including Fry Bread. Go in one, you won’t have to go in any other gift store in So Dak.

8) Don't do pull-ups on the jungle gym under the watchful eyes of bikers. IJS

A day of leisure bunking...

We decided that our last day was going to be foot loose and frassy free. We were looking forward to a good campfire and the prospect of charred yuppie brats made both of us smile. Before we ambled over to the pool for lounging and the reading of progressive liberal literature, I headed off for a jog while ‘Peppa did some yoga-let’s-go-ga. It was a weird run, which happens sometimes when you’re in a strange town. I thought there was a dead rattler on the side of the road, but it was only a steering wheel cover. There were rows and rows of trailer homes, and someone’s backyard played host to 20 odd rusted out junker cars (Is there a body in one, I wondered?) I passed a place called "Crazy Rae’s Used Furniture and Casino", and what I thought was an aptly named store called "The Jug and Leaf" (Which I thought was a brilliant name for a place selling tabbacco and liquor. Turns out it was really "The Jug and Loaf", meaning Milk and Bread. Nice brain…Baby P.)

The poolside lounge turned out to be both a blessing and a curse, as both Mopes and I got WAY sunstroked. After a brief naplet, we both agreed that a trip to a DQ should be in our future. We headed into Rapid City ("Can you imagine actually living here?") where we…wait for it Portana…headed into the Rushmore Mall. I didn’t know a mall could have two country western super stores…but there you are.

And? It started SHIT pouring rain. Did I mention that?

While we malled, we hit a Suncoast where we talked each other out of impulse buys ("The Cutting Edge" for ‘Peppa…"Beetlejuice" for P.) and hit the Arcade for a sporting match of DDR. With our Skee-ball and Whack-a-Mole winnings (I whacked me the FUCK outta some Moles) we both got fangs, day glo rings, and a superball.

Back at camp, we had MOF #2, when it was discovered that the hurricane de-anchored our tent, and we took on water. (Mattress, Sheets, everything- Soaked. Luckily, the KOA has Onsite laundry facilities. Fighting the Pampie-Family for a dryer was a completely different issue) Brats were successfully noshed, and we opted to go on the most important journey of our lives:

Deadwood.

That. Town. Was. Awesome. Moses humored me by letting me visit Mt.Moriah Cemetery and Wild Bill Hickok’s grave so I could toss a penny on it. ("Calamity Jane’s buried next to him? Not like he got much of a choice in the matter, did he? He’s probably pissed") We missed the re-enactment trial of Jack McCall, we were still able to mosey on through town which can only be described as a miniature Reno. It was awesome, and a nice "final bullet" on our trip.

reference points:

Deadwood:

http://www.deadwood.org/OfficialGuide/AttractionsTours/MountMoriahCemetery/Index.cfm

Rushmore Mall:

http://www.rushmoremall.com/

So Long, KOA...

We packed. We left. We stopped in Wall (again) for the greasiest breakfast this side of the Mississippi Seriously- It was butter, with some eggs and hashbrowns thrown in for spite. You wanna fuck up a server in SD? Ask them if they have eggbeaters. I heard the crickets. And this gally must have only been used to dealing with seniors, ‘cause I swear she was shouting at us. "HOW Y’ALL DOIN? CAN I START Y’ALL OFF WITH A BEE-VERAGE?" We poked around some more store sand I ended up buying a "Badlands Bar" T-shirt , but not a bear hat. ("I don’t think I can justify buying this bear hat, honey").

The day was fixing to be another hot one, so we slathered up again before shoving off and heading home. ("Can you imagine actually living here?"/"Honey, shhhhhh") Even though the "Visit Wall Drug" signs thinned out, we were still being assaulted by "Visit Rushmore" billboards. ("Pushy fuckers, aren’t they?")

We decided to switch driving roles in Mitchell and do a quick stop in to see the Corn Palace ("What is this place?"/"Hell…Corn Hell") and to grab a beverage. This next part is important, and requires an explanation: How can a sports bar and grill, ONLY server beer and wine? Right. Before leaving, the server pointed us to the casino/bar across the street for our refreshment needs. It was classic. Sawdust on the floor. Brassiere’s hanging from ceiling fans. Swivelling barstools that pointed away from the bar, forcing one to hold onto the bar for dear life. Ann Geddes prints where the baby heads moved. ("What is that?"/"Pure...evil")

And get this: Advertisements for Midget Wrestling. Tonight, and tonight only. Apparently they came through last year and were quite popular. The midgies were billed over "Rockin’ Jake" and "Beautiful Girls" with some gallies glamour shot Xeroxed on there. A grandfather with his granddaughter across the bar informed us that one year there was mud wrestling. "Oh, midget mud wrestling?"/"Nope. Them’s was strippers"…("GrandPA! Do you HAVE to tell the mud wrestling stripper story a-GAIN?!") Having had enough of this supremely surreal experience, we bolted…but not before Moses tried to get me to buy the $2 trucker hat that exclaimed: "If it’s got Tires or Titties it’ll give ya problems".

"Can you imagine actually living here?"

5 hours later…We were home. Mipples. And a fitful exhausted nights sleep.
I really want to go back soon. Very soon.

For those interested in Mitchell- http://www.cornpalace.org/

"24"

That's right. I just wanted to point out to all you guido's that in 24 hours I'll probably be up, at them, and ready to roll. Did I mention that Mopeppa and I are spittin' the bit and splittin' town?Thought so. I've mentioned the big things yesterday (Rushmore, Black Hills, Wall Drug)

There's bomb shit activities in SoDak....

Where we'll be:

http://www.rapidcitykoa.com/

Don't let Dorajar read these... ; )

http://www.blackhills.com/woodcarving/
http://www.blackhillsbadlands.com/presidential/
http://www.rushmorewaterslide.com/
This one looked cooler: http://www.evansplunge.com/
http://storyofthebison.com/
http://www.reptilegardens.com/
Do they pay you to fuck them bears? "Fear and Loathing" reference? No? http://www.bearcountryusa.com/

And this last question is an online poll. (Get on my online POLL! HA! Ugh. To early for pervy)

For my cold weather long pants do I want:
1-Jeans
2-Overalls
3-Kilt
4-Assless Chaps

I thought I'd try an interactive approach.

(Disclaimer: Not soliciting packing advice here, pipples. I know how to do that. Just making things lively on what is amounting to be "my Friday")

I may post from the road. I might not. Haven't decided yet.

2 Days

I can hardly stand it.
In 2 days I can leave town.
Leave Rehearsals.
City workouts.

To hop in a convertible and drive 8.5 hours to near Southern South Dakota for some campa campa camping at the KOA Kampground. They have a Singing/Poetry reading cowboy that also makes pancake breakfasts. Pan. Cake. Breakfasts.

Badlands, Wall Drug, Dinosaur Nat'l Park...Rushmore. (OMG, the people that'll be out there!)

Or I'll just sit poolside with a book, drinking a cocktail out of a plastic cup. Covered in SPF 30 and bug spray just...lounging.

I may have to scoop mo-peppa out of bed in the early a.m., toss her a$$ in the car, and head out of town early. Like, 5 a.m. on Friday? Damn I'm impatient.

Words of Wisdom from Papa P...

My dad just talked my ear off about "preparing for the worst" on the impending road trip- I just called to see if I could borrow their DVR to document our hijinks, and the following is what ensued:

Dad-"What if you show up and they gave away your campsite?"
P- "Dad, we made reservations online"
Dad-"Hah. (His laugh is kind of like I'm naive for planning "online", or not thinking of this next part which comes straight from the movie "Vacation") Live and learn, Mikey...live and learn. Just you wait...you two'lll show up and then they'll say: 'Well we don't have a record of this', and then you're screwed."
P-"Dad, that won't happen...it's confir-"
Dad-(Ignoring Baby son) "So yeah, I'll get that campstove for you, and some cooking pans. Mikey, when you're out in the middle of no where you'll be so Goddamn grateful you can boil some clean water to wash your hands"
P-"Dad, it's the KOA campground for Chrissakes! Tennis courts? Pool? Jacuzzi?"
Dad-"Oh Yeah, those are pretty nice...you'll probably get your own shower stall. Or tub. They'll charge ya a couple bucks to us'em though"

At least he's looking out for me.

; )

Overuse

I kill things. More to the point, I kill words. Here is a short list of terms/sayings/noises that are slowly (and some quickly) becoming endangered:

Calling people "Hookers" or "Racist"
IJS/INS
Making the sound effect "prrrrrt" (In response to just about everything)
Shit Ton

Um, yeah.

Today is a day...like any other

6/26/06

Eff Why Eye...Eye Jay Esssssss...

Proud Weekend

No, really, seriously.

Rotten weather frass kept me from getting out of doors Saturday afternoon to engage in hard core manual labor frass, BUT it didn’t keep me from having a stellar time at the No Refunds BQ where I ate way, too, much food. (I was a protein piggy, big time. The final tally was 2 Boca Patties, grilled chicky boob, a kebab, and what amounted to a whole yuppie chicken spinach feta brat. Which was damn tasty. Damn) The only let downs of the evening were (1) The MD/H-Bomb make-out session never happened and (2) Mo-ped kicked my hearty ass in pool.
Anyway, thanks to Gabpril and the rest of the yahoo’s for throwing the shindig. It was a blast.

Sunday brought P-Ride, which I hadn’t been to since frassin’ ’03? I think? Pride used to be a huge dealio to the Porkchops and I when we were younger. Ssssssteve the Gay Burrito made the epic trip from his WI farm to join me in parade/'mo watching and reminisching about Pride’s past. (Including the infamous Pride ’99 which many of us who are still living have great difficulty remembering the intricate details. Well... I remember drinking Chard shooters at 9am, Orley flashing the parade, ugly-assed queens, pictures in the big green chair, and walking...many, many, blocks...back to our car. Glorious) After a good 2 hours of watching, laughing, and frassing, ‘Peppa and the Jungle Bonny came toodling along amidst shouts of "Hey Perry’s…Looking Good!". She jumped ship and we headed over to Joe’s and the park for cocktails, restroom visits (I haven’t had to go to the baffroom that bad in aaages) and people watching. Mullets, hickeys, lube venders, and parrots were all spotted… In addition to a shite-ton of puntable puppies. In short: It was the Pridiest Pride in Pridesville.

After a pit stop at the Palacio del Peppa + the local ‘Bucks for fraps, we headed back to mi Casa for some patio BS. As the day waned, the Gay burrito jumped back into this burrito-mobile for the epic return voyage to the farm…And I’d just like to put out there: He bought a horse. He has become the Green Acres Gay.

Hope y’all had a happy Pride ’06!


*Please send your love to the ‘Peppa, who experienced a rainstorm freeway spin-out in her Peppa-mobile Saturday afternoon. She’s okay, albeit currently sans transport. Broken tire rods suck.

**Protein Piggy, btw

***This brings the Gay Burrito’s new tally of critters to: A horse, several chickens, 3 dogs, 4 cats, and a boyfriend

****I heart the following: Trader Joe’s Wine/Curry mix/Vegetables. I also heart my co-op yuppie chicken brats.

***** If you had forgotten that 6/25 is Happychristmasbaby’s half-b’day? Shame shame, I know your name. I was in full anticipation of spankings/open mouth kisses/general debauchery. (And here I was I was at Pride fer Chrissakes.) Instead the Gay Burrito points at me, laughs, and says "HA we’re OLD!"

: P to all. ‘Peppa remembered. Although for the life of me I'm not sure what to do with racist literature, a tinfoil wrapped ball of smack, and a broken salt shaker. ; )

A night of pool frassin'

Nibbles and Wine, Wine and Nibbles...and I demolished an entire plate of shrimp.

That was Thursday, when after a very warm day 'Bean, Peppa, and I converged on the neighbors pad for some frass and pool time. There's something cathartic in being able to sit around and flap your gums over veeno and niblets that escapes definition.

By the end of the night, I was a cold-monkey ('Tex and I froze our nuggies off in the pool. ) there were 2 empty magnums of Pinot and Chard, and several empty serving tray's covered in discarded shrimp shells.

Oof. The 4th'll be a buh-LAST!


Good luck, Redwright...

Frassy Friday

No wonder my car is frassy. Drive to Woodbury, drive to DT Mipples for a callback. Back To the 'bury. Then back to DT Mipples in hot-hot-hot rush hour traffic for an audition at Hey City. (Sorry if I missed you RSvP) Eh. Meh Beep woot.

Keep your fingers crossed on both, please. Really. The 2nd one especially, for my sanity. See me in person if you want a further explanation.

So, Pepp's came over to make me dinner while I got ready for this, um...party? (btw- I have a new love in my neighborhood co-op. It truly 'tis the bomb shite.) Thanks to her generosity, my fridge is stocked with TJ wine and fresh veggie niblets. We noshed black bean veggie wraps b4 heading out to a skyscraper party. That's right. 'Bean had some friends he had worked with that throw an annual solstice party, and were cool with him dragging us along. (He also brought his daughter and her BeeF, plus his date Ray-ray.)

And, um. So. Wow.


You know, I've been in some big frickin' homes. Mansions even. I've never, however, hung out in the top 3 floors of a down town art deco skyscraper. It. Was. Hot.

Seriously, here's me trying to be all dapper and upscale with my hipster ensemble and the rest of the partygoers are wearing jeans, T's, and polo's...

For serial, the top three floors. What a frassin' view.

Still didn't keep me from making a joke that I'd probably do nude jumping jacks in front of the window to see if I could make out my naked silhouette on the glass building across the street.

This is too good to not write...

Boo Ya! YAY SUMMER!

Last night we celebrated my dad's birthday at a little restaurant out in Wayzata called "Black Ford's". It was going to be me, my dad, and my mom until my mom called me at 4:30 saying that RSvP and Co were going to meet us at the restaurant as a surprise. Now some of y'all know that it took an act of Goddess to finally settle on where we were gonna eat (With dad perpetually pawning off the planning on P the lesser.) but we chose the aforementioned cafe. So, I call Ro and Co to confirm a 7:00pm meeting.

I show up, gussied for a Wayzata dinner. Mom and Dad are appropriately gussied as well. When dad "pops" open the back of the Explorer showing two dirty old lawn mowers he had brought home to fix.

"Mikey, gimme a hand here and help me get these out of the back of the car."
"Dad...they're kinda dirty and we're kinda dressed up"
"Gawdammit Mikey, throw on some gloves and help me out here"

So we frassed on getting them out, Dad providing me instructions on actually lifting: "Dad, for fucks sakes I don't need a tutorial in manual labor now this'll go faster if you use your breath for breathin' and not bitchin'!".

Already...Happy B'day, Mr. P

So this restaurant closes at 8:30. By the time I got to their place, mower-frassed, spot cleaned the grease/dirt from my clothes (Dad didn't bother. He's all man.) we were heading out at 6:59.
I get a call from Ro saying "Where R U & how long?". BTW- The vibrating buzz of my cell phone freaked my mom out. She thought there was a bee in the car.

Now, they technically only live 10 minutes away from this place. Dad, however did 2 Dad things which are par for the course.

1) He hates stop lights. He'll make a big circle just to ensure he doesn't have to wait behind the rabble. This has been playfully called "The scenic route", or "Pat, I'm gonna show Mikey some of them houses we drove past when we took Rocky to the park"

2) He was flipping through his coupon guide (While driving) when he came across 5 other restaurants that he thought were a hot ticket (Including Pannekoeken Huis) "Hey, we're right down the street from the Istanbul Cafe'!!! Mikey you like ethnic food!" Fearing we'd never make it, from the backseat I snatched the guide out of his hands and said "Dad, I think Honky Chevy's (mom: "Mikey LANGUAGE!") sounds like a hot ticket. And besides, this place closes at 8:30 so maybe we wanna just check it out quick to decide" (Subtly trying to get him to the restaurant and to the waiting Ro and Co.)

"GAWDAMMIT Mikey, you are being a real pain in the a$$ tonight!"
"Look dad, it's your Gawdamn Birthday (MIKEY, LANGUAGE!) if you wanna go to the frassin' McDonalds I could give a s#it. I'm hungry, frassy (What?), and I just wanna sit down at this place to celebrate your gawdamn 46th birthday"

Silence. 'til dad says:
"Denny Berry has a studio in this mall up here"
"Really? How's Whitney doing?"

And yes...he was surprised as hell when we got in there. And I got an apologetic hug before dinner. We did the P thing, and all noshed off of each others plates (Walleye sandwich, Sicillian Enchilada, Reuben, Spinach Ravioli, and a Raspberry Chicken Salad...just guess what I had) before heading back to mom and dad's for some wine, cake, and a recitive of the newest comedy show that Mom/Pop P discovered: "Man Bites Dog". Seriously. They did an entire episode. And you think I'm bad?

Love you guys! Happy Summer! Happy Wednesday! Happy birthday! My 1/2 Birthday is days away! Gifts can be in the form of pretty perrenials! (I keed, I keed)

Happy Birthday Daddy-O!

Since I’m ridiculously busy today with workstuff in addition to frassin’ with memorizing lines (South Dakota? Where are you? When are we going again? Soon?) I wanted to take today’s post to give a shout out to my Pa-tater! He celebrating his big-kid birthday today by frassin’ around he and mom’s townhome, and I get to meet them tonight for dinner at the Istanbul Café’. This is of course subject to change as the actual process of settling on a restaurant took the better part of a half an hour. What with the phone being passed back and forth between parents, my frustration born from repeatedly saying "Dad, it’s your birthday…YOU pick". Then there was his sneaky way of getting my mom to acquiesce to helping him clean their TH house top to bottom. ("What time are you and Mo getting over here?"/"Uh, dad, Mo’s with her folks tonight…it’s just me?"/"So, you’re ‘both’ getting here around 6:30?"/"Um, dad…I just kinda said"/"Just go with me here, Mikey"…you get the picture.) I was also called a "little sonuvabitch" b/c I was googling the restaurants he was suggesting as he rattled them off. ("Dad, if you’d just give up that stupid Webtv and get the actual Interweb you could be doing that too!"

Actually, they’d probably spend their days surfing. For two seniors whose fave pasttime is playing PC spider solitaire? Probably a dangerous hobby.

So here are a bunch of random dad facts to celebrate his big kid day! Enjoy!

-He’s hilarious
-To my chagrin, he’s quite the ladykiller (Back off girls, he’s taken)
-He’s uber tall…which p#sses my brother and I off to no end. (My friend Ry-gonn commented once "So where did you and RSvP’s height go?")
-He’s a storyteller. If you meet him, please get on his case to write his memoirs. Why…?
-He served close to 40 years in law enforcment. (Including the Eff Bee Eye!) The man has stories…which he will tell you…and he will talk…for hours.
-Did I mention that he loves talking.
-He loves finding new restaurants
-He loves going on daytrips
-He loves my hairy younger brother, Rocky…even though he threatens to send that stupid dog -home with me every time I see him.
-Even though it frustrates the pants off of me, he really likes my house and threatens to move in regularly.
-We used to play racquetball. There’s a funny story I can tell ya if I’m loaded where he threatened to moon me for "schooling him" and I…well, again…buy me a cocktail and I’ll tell ya.
-Was responsible for taking the family on cross country road trips, and subsequently is the reason why my fam has set foot in nearly all the contiguous United States and Canada.
-He’s a very ambitious cook. Not…always… good? (Spam stir fry, anyone?) but he loves frassin’ with recipes he finds in the newspaper and on the box/can.
-He looks out for people. I have a very vivid memory of him getting in the face of a dad who yelled at me for (probably) goofing around.
-Very Loyal. (Where do you think Frack and I get it?)
-Was my driving instructor before I took "Behind the Wheel". That Sumbitch made me (at age 15) drive through Uptown during the art fair. All I remember is freaking out at all the traffic, and him screaming out the window (GET OUT OF THE ROAAAAD! DRIVE! GAWDAMMIT!)
-He would frequently disclaimer "Mikey…don’t ever drive like me")
-He’s met Governor’s, Presidents, celebrities, foreign heads of state (Ask him about giving Gorbachev a hat sometime)


He’s kind of a character…Happy birthday Daddy-O. Love you.

Remiss, Rewind!

DOI! If I were any more of a schliemiel I couldn't live with myself!

One of my very bestest friends had a big-girl birthday on Wednesday, so I'd like y'all to show your love to FEEJ! The lot of us celebrated in style by flopping around the big blue moat at the WW palace.

Prezzies were opened (FYI, we got her some really...pink...animals. And HD gift card. 'cause, it's like...our second home.) Moped and I played otter. BBQ was gorged (Ohhhh, the guac was soo good.) and I was able to spend the night with some of my favorite friends in the world.

On a personal note: I've known-known FeeJ for a couple of years now. She was a piller of support during a really poopy time in my life, and that sort of behavior sears itself into your heart and deserves more merit and praise than any gift I could give her.

And she's gorgeous. FYI. If I could post pics of the night, I would. But, y'know...Luddite.

Happy birthday, FeeJ. The look on your face post-parachuting, was priceless!

Sorry, buttons.

Not much to say lately except for what happens on the weekends.

Life has been driven by: Work, rehearsal, house frass, exercise, and karate.

Yeeeah.

I actually kinda wish I had more free time for house frass, since the next couple of weekends are filling up with activity, toute suite. ‘Bean’s invited Moses and I to a swanky party on the roof of a downtown Mipples skyscraper (?) Friday night. Sats will be a Kung Fu Barbecue. Sunday I might get ta grill yuppie brats w/Cara-bear and her partner out in Stipples. Next weekend? The 4th? Camping Road trip for buddies. I get the distinct feeling that’s provide fodder for boo-too posty goodness. (Rapid City Sodak on the 4th? Pancake making cowboys at the campground? Rushmore? Dinosaur Park? Wall Drug? Mo-ped? This all equals= Hot. Ticket.)

Since I keep frassin’ in large bursts, I’ll try a different approach today- Food association. Being the budget minded bunker I am, I’ve taken to cooking a lot at home in lieu’ of restauranting…and also turning the evenings into movie for buddies nights (I have a lot of films that I need to catch up on.) So, without further adieu:

*Friday: Huge chicken caesar salad served on spinach w/fat free caesar dressing. Watched "The Aristocrats" (Only watch it if you don’t mind really, really dirty jokes. Really. "Should we be eating while watching this?" was the comment of the night) Followed by "Javalanche" frozen yogurt (the bomb) and a viewing of the original "Omen" on VHS. That movie is still creepy as hell. I’d forgotten that the 2nd Doctor was in that movie. And give it up for Atticus!

Saturday: No movies. Spent an early Father's day (Love ya, Daddyo) checking out my big-bro’s Prior Lake Palace (Frassin’ gorgeous, btw. Motherf#cker’s put a shite-ton of work into it.) We had salmon, rice, brats, and the best new snack to ever threaten my waistline: Tomato Basil Wheat thins. Stay away. We poured over potential cabin designs and I picked up some campin’ gear from RSvP.

I headed home to prep dinner which was? That’s right, my first foray into homemade Thai! Green curry with a shite-ton of veggies (Tomatoes, spinach, green peppers) and Teryaki Tofu. It turned out...okay? Here's a tip, and some famous last words: "That curry doesn’t look right. Maybe you should put another spoonful of the curry paste in it?" The directions, btw, called for one tablespoon. That was some hot, fuckin’, curry. Follow the directions, kids. (It was such an effort to actually eat it, we were exhausted by the end. Kaiser’s lucky we woke up long enough to make it to his b’day party. I'm lucky that I didn't burn a hole in my pants on Sunday)

Sunday, besides the house frassin’, I grilled wild rice turkey burgers and assorted snackables. (Chips, salsa, Wheat thins, and Cheese slices. Originally I thought I was having another couple of peeps over. More for us!) The film? "Mrs. Henderson Presents…" which was a verra cute film, and for the record ladies? The film does contain both male and female full frontal nudity. If you think a nude Bob Hoskins is sexy. Stuffed to the gills…I passed out early.

I have to run home now to get a cowboy hat for an audition today. I can’t believe I forgot it. Boo.


*Btw- Apparently we had a Katrina-esque down pour Friday night. CNN even reported on the 65 mile per hour winds and the manhole covers getting pushed into the air. (In addition to cars floating down the street) I came home from work, exhausted, and passed out. Sure, I heard a couple of thunder boomies and what might have been hail thumping on the roof? Slept, through it.

Rough-age

Prrrrrt. Saving money...passing gas.

Boy are my tattie’s sore. After Kung-fuking shit up the last month or so, I wanted to give my old bod-a-rino a week off of supplements and exercise to let it heal. S o what do I go and do? 1st day back on the wagon, I wailed the shit out of my boobs and back, then frass around with house-y chores and sure enough, I can barely lift my arms today.

But it sure feels freakin’ great.

Frids I had The 'Peppa over for a night of dinner (Penne pasta w/Grilled chicken) and some theatre at TRP. "Flaming Guns", btw, was absolutely hysterical, so much so that by the time the play ended, we were exhausted. (Go see the show if you can. It’s selling out like a mo-fo, but I can’t endorse that play enough. Tears of laughter.)

Sats found us schlepping around the farmers market for what is bound to be the 1st of many trips over the summer. $10 later and I had enough veggies to choke a mule. I spent the remaining part of my day house frassin’. (After GMIKFTH, I feel like I hadn’t cleaned really cleaned the place, you know? Those stupid things that get passed over when you're giggin. It was pretty grody-The dust was at least 2 inches deep, and I had a row of corn growing behind the sofa. ) So I went all Howard Hughes on my place and finally gave the germy’s a run for their money.

A Cheap Date night was in order (DVD and dinner) which meant veggie tortilla wraps. That’s right kids, Frijoles Negroes, Rice, Fresh Cilantro, ‘Mato’s, FF Sour Cream, FF Cheese, and red/yellow/green peppers. After not having really eaten all day, we were pushing the food in our mouths. Well I was. I'm a messy burrito. Mopes eats cleaner than I. We wartched "American Psycho" and passed the gassy hell out. Prrrrrt. (Well doi. Did you read all the ingredients?)

Sunday…I was all about Frassin’. After a brunch of veggie omelettes (Doi) ‘Bean headed up window warshing detail, while I mowed/edged/set up where my borders are gonna live. (I have a grand scheme involving tasteful landscaping, and mulch.) My favorite part (Wait for it now)…I got a blower. Thank Gott. Those lil’ whirligigs didn’t stand a chance. While ‘Bean and I frassed, Mopeppa played with her new investment -The mighty top of lapliness.

Well what, Mr Food Guy, was for Dinner? Whooooo wait….Grilled Chicken Boobs marinated in Kashmiri Curry. I just made my mouth water thinking about it. And I've got 3 left.

I was even ambitious enough to start a fire. By myself. I'm a pyromaniacal dork.

Notable moments:

Receiving a texty from FeeJ where it was discovered that we came within moments of seeing each other at our 2nd home…(The Depot) FeeJ blamed the Mexicans...Why oh why do I surround myself with racists? Sheesh!

Mopeppa’s Pouty Petunia Face. Awful, yet comical.

Hippy artisan crafty booths are wonderful. I feel strongly about owning a wrought iron high top table and chairs for my front porch.

"You need to save money, Jesus fucking Christ, MO!" (She said it…not me.)


Sorry this was a little rambley but that’s just me. I’m on a spending freeze for the next coupla weeks/months so I can save up for trips (SeeF and Rapid City SD!) and projects. And since I’m all about saving YOU guys money, let me just give my hearty endorsement to Trader Joe’s Wine Shop. Ho-Lee-Shit. Fuck a bunch of 3 buck Chuck, We enjoyed an incredible Pinot Grigio that was (Wait for it….) $3.99. No. Shit. If stocking up a wine cellar is your goal, check it out.
Parking is a bitch, though. A big. Hairy. Bitch.

And can someone convince me that an ocean blue crushed velvet Armani blazer is simply not a good investment? I dare you. (Opitz had a sale. It almost became mine…almost)

Tales from the Vampire Paddywagon...

Recently I was reminded of the pressing need for blood donors, and how much blud is neccessary for those who need transfusions. As it was, I felt pretty strongly about being a donor this year...and embarrassingly enough it's been 13 years since I gave.
High School.
Merely to use it as an excuse to get out of school early, and get loopy on one Busch Light Draft.

I can't really let an opportunity for good comedy go to waste, so I thought I'd try out some all new old cheap material on the good nurses of Memorial Blood Center. Ahem....


On entering the bus:
"Is this where I get my tattoo?" (No laughs)

During my interview:
"These seem like awfully invasive questions just to donate sperm...where's the, (cough) 'video viewing' room anyway?" (There was a moment of frass, when they asked if I've slept with someone who's lived in Niger, Nigeria, Congo, and some other strange African continent. But I mean seriously, how many people really do know where Burkina Faso is anyway? Really.)

Having my pulse taken-
"How long have you been a runner?"
"How in the fuck do you know that?"

Upon discovering that my iron level was almost...almost too low.
"Um...I eat a shit ton of spinach you know. AND take a multi-vit. You just give that lil' tubey another squeeze, sunshine."

In the waiting area, when instructed to grab a beverage from the industrial cooler-
"Score! The last Miller Lite" (Then after digging) "Hey...how'd my kidney get in there?" (To which the nurse dryly exclaimed: "When you were passed out...")

The nurse, while the needle is getting inserted:
"You can breathe now..."

While the rocker pump is sucking me dry:
"Rock a bye blood cells, in the fat bag"

Looking at all the dentist chairs where the victims...I mean donors are laying:
"Hey. I don't see any real chairs in here. When you guys have to go back, do you get to pick which recliner you sit in?"

To someone asking how they know when you're done:
"Your body will be concave"

After donating (And after my first nurse got tired of my shit, and traded off to another nurse):
"So, it says no strenuous activity. Does that mean, like, laundry or lawn-mowing?"
(Nurseboy) "Just don't run a marathon"
"Can I go for a jog?"
(Nurseboy...blinking and staring) "Dude...you just donated a pint of blood"
"That can be replaced with Pinot Grigio...right?"

Upon looking at the stickers:
"Hey...this one says 'Be nice to me...I tried to donate blood'. I DID donate frassin' blood!"
(Nurseboy) "We have a bunch of the Rainbow stickers left..."
"Tried is fine..."



Long story short, I can now say I've given blood. Now, I must get a tattoo...which means I'll never be able to donate again. And judging by the responses from the good nurses, they probably won't miss me.

Give blood. It means a lot to a lot of people.



Vampire Paddywagon, btw. I kill me. Going into that frassin bus (with all the windows covered up) reminded me of the movie "Near Dark" where the vampires drive around cross country in a camper with the window's all covered up. IJS. Anyone else remember that one?

2 guys, a girl, and two pizza places...

Anatomy of flibbertygibbetness. Observe.

Montag (In what felt like my 1st free night off in God knows how long.) Mopes, X and I decided to hook up for a walk 'round the Lakes followed up with din-din. Weather proved to be a bit too forboding for walking so we kiboshed it in order to head str8 to dinner. (Note: I've no compunctions about walking in the rain, mind you...just having to plunk our wet butts down in an air-conditioned restaurant didn't sound super-appealing. At least to me.)

Stop 1 was at D'Amico+ Kids.

Now, do y'all ever get a jones to go somewhere, stand inside, and then realize that nothing moves you? That's what happened as I stood there staring at the deli case. What was funnier is that they both were sharing the exact same thought, which was: "Nuh-uh". A quick decision was made (Red Dragon woulda equaled ordering a Wonderous Punch, which would have in turn equaled an early night.) so we opted for Leaning Tower of Pizza, where we could nibble some Pizza, imbibe lite libations, and frass outdoors.

And yet? Not one of us got pizza. Unbeleebable, I know. 2 underwhelming caesar salads, a buffalo chick for X, and a few thingytails later? We were ready to depart.But...still...'Peppa and I were hungry for, of all things...a slice of 'za (Paraphrased X-quote: "I done told you healthy bitches with yo' salads you'd still be hongry!") Not wanting to go back in to the same restaurant we'd just left, we opted to head down to Luce'down the street.

This is where we ended up splitting a yugely discounted bottle of wine and an order of vegan bruschetta. (Which I'd like to take a second to pernt out that it was, in no finer terms- The bomb shit. Garlic/Tomato/Ricotta goodness, and just enough to share so that you both smell, healthy enough that you don't feel like you've gorged on, say, nacho's? And small enough portions so you don't feel hella stuffed.)


I guess the point of this whole dither, was that we decided to patronize two restaurants in one evening, both pizza joints, with the possible and explicit purpose of getting pizza...and avoided getting any pizza entirely.

Nin. Com. Poops.

That was sweet. Really sweet.

If you missed the show Saturday? You missed a really fucking awesome show.

Re-Cap:

Frids after rehearsal RK and I caught Mopes/Jennybenny in the Scrimshow @ BLB. Funny stuff, lemme tell you- Did you know that Gertrude Stein was considered a literary cubist? Now you do. Surprisingly enough- I was in bed pretty early fo’ a Friday. Why day? B/C of Saturday, bunkers.

In the AM, we grabbed a coupla smoothies, looked for some dit da jao, and made the determination that b/c Indian Food isn’t my #1 favorite ethnic cuisine…I’m racist. There. It’s out there. Thanks Mo. You’re racist b/c you hate Germans.

Then off to a looooooong-o tech where the cast frassed, napped, gave back rubs, sparred, before eventually winding up at O’D’s downtown for some lunchables. (And I bogarted waaaaaay too many fries from Jennybenny. And Mopes is racist b/c she hates Irish food)

Then? The show. And it was funny, and well attended. It went off w/o a hitch really (With the exception of Gabril losing his voice, and that most everyone loved the fact that Jesus was an a$$ kicker. Hadda be there, didn’t ya?)

And really bitter feckin’ sweet due to the whole "One Night Only" factor. I hope they do a remount. Really really really. My brother, is comic and martial arts gold.

Afterwards we recepted (I so didn’t get a sandwich), then high-tailed it over to Barfly for some cocktailing, break dancing, Cirque du Soleiling on the poles, and doing our best to avoid trampling midgies. Breakdancing wee-folk, no less.

Sunday am I woke up with a hangover…how? I don’t know. The slow burn hangovers are the worst I say. Mopeppa and I met up with MD, Mar-See-Ah, and the Trev Monster for Key’s Goodness (Note to self: MD cannot take egg beaters. Personally, I think it was the shite ton of roughage in her veggie omelette that made her prrrrrt…but if she thinks it’s the egg beaters then well…okay. Fine Prrrrrrt.)

The rest of the day was spent lawn frassin with Mo and the ‘Bean. They were kind enough to tackle the daunting task of whirligig raking while I frassed with my car and the weeds. (I was one hurting unit in the a.m., so I was thankful they took on the repetitive manual labor) Their reward was some tasty barbecue, and a nap. Later Mo-seph and I watched the film "Jarhead" which, for all my loyal female readers, you should probably watch. I just don’t think I really needed to see that many nude dudes in one setting. But there you are. Enjoy. Don’t say I don’t rent movies for you, sweetheart.

Have a great week, y’all. I’m starting ‘hearsals for another show in a row, which you’ll get all the top shelf frass about. And again, to the peeps that came and saw GMIKFTH? Thank you. Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you…

You can see cool footage at their website: norefundstheatre.com

Big day tomorrow!

All right kids.

In spite of all the dings and bumps we've all endured, tomorrow marks the one and only time* you'll be able to see "Great Moments in Kung Fu Theatre History" at the Illusion. 8pm, the Illusion Theatre in Downtown Mipples**. If you like martial arts, theatre, wrestling, Mexploitation, breakdancing, video games, history, and yours truly*** beating the s#it out of myself...this one's for you.

Don't miss it!

http://norefundstheatre.com


*I say that like they'll never re-mount it...the kings of re-mounting. 'Cept this time around they may very well be serious, so why risk missing it?
**Reception to follow. Very possibly be hitting the L.T afterwards for dancing and more sweating/imbibing. Mopes...I'll need a shower.
***I hope it looks good, 'cause it's really feckin' painful. (sighs) One show, right? It's just for one show.

While I'm pimping, go see this show tonight!

Join the Reunited Scrimshaws for a European Themed Variety Show! FEATURING Special Guests Craig Johnson and The Gerturde Stein Players!* The Comedy of Tim Uren and Jimmy Desimone! The Dance of Hidden Pudenda! The Song Stylings of Pablo! Drinking! Vacation Slides!

More Drinking!
More Vacation Slides!
TWO NIGHTS ONLY!
Friday, June 2nd and Saturday, June 3rd 10 pm at the Bryant Lake Bowl Theater 810 West Lake Street in Minneapolis
$12/$10 with a Fringe Button
For reservations call 612-825-8949

Food...

I'm thinking that after having been a "nibbles goody two-shoes" for the run of the show, I'm fixing to get some naughty vittles as a treat.

Hmmmm...this makes me wonder, whut, exactly, I should nosh?

The 1st place my brain went, was 'za. I haven't had Luce' 'za in ages (Ooooo, Greek). Or Uptown pizza...(Their "Florentine Pizza" is the bomb. Pesto Tomato sauce, garlic, broccoli, and spinach. wOOt!) Or find a Little Caesars somewhere. Something about the stupid little bubbles that form on their pizza make it so frassin' good.

And THEN there is the all mighty Boo-Fay. I hurt myself a few weeks back at the Indian Buffet, I've still been checking out the boo-too choices in my 'hood. Crescent Moon or Holy Land for Middle Eastern? One of the massive Chinese "Buffet-o-ganza's"located out in the 'burbs? My folks have swore by, wait for it: Shangrila. I spelled it right...not "Shangri-La"... My dad tells me that they have boo-too fresh seafood protein choices. Salmon, Lobster, Crab, Mussels, Octopus, sushi (Ooooo, could I attempt eating my weight in sashimi?)...He emphasized fresh. For all that boasting, it's worth a trip out to the sticks I'd wager.)

I could take a half-day and hit El Meson for Carribean? (And, use my coupon dealio for their 1/2 price bottle of wine, spend the day kibbitzing around Uptown, then hit Sebastard Joe's for some cone-age...

While I'm ravenous, how's about I just start my day with a b-k-f-s-t buffet? Famous Dav-Naw. Scratch that honkiness. Campiello? Or just hold off for a few weeks and see if I can get the whole fam damnily out to the Nicollet Island Inn for brunch. (Madre' dios...you haven't lived until you've tried their brunch. Oof.) Or take big brother (sorry Moses) Melinite and her hub-hub back to gorge ourselves on Dim Sum? That eel still haunts me.

Q-cumbers has been a pretty hot ticket. Mostly vegetarian. Situated neatly next to an arcade.

Or just go back to Buca and...frassin' mow on eggplant parmesan, lemon chicken, garlic bread and mashies?


Ohhhhh, how I fixate. Whaddya'll think, cutie pies?


* In case yer wondering...to my other fitness/diet minded individuals, here's your fitness tip for the day:
No. It isn't healthy to adhere to so strict a diet that you completely and forever avoid sweets/fats/no or low-carbs/alcohol...You've got to fool the body. Bodybuilders who've been starving and dieting pre-contest will, a day or two before competing, hit a Baskin Robbins to eat a gallon of Ice Cream. It causes your body to say "What the Fuck!?!?!" And send it into overdrive (Metabolism starts firing hard to compete with the influx of calories/sugars/salts etc...) The same goes for exercise. If you have specific weight goals, don't stick with one or two exercises forever and a day. Fool your body. Go for a 13 mile bike ride instead of a 3.5 mile jog. Do pull ups, instead of pull downs...Fool the body.


Back to food. Can you tell I'm excited about this?

Quick fixes

I went back through the post-a-thon I did last night and made some quick edits/Tightening up. I'm a rambler when it gets too late.


My bad.

The pain show...

Y'know? Up until juuuuusssst this morning I was feeling pretty good about "GMIKFTH"...Feeling good, "body wise".

'Cept I'm faaairly certain I made bad with my groinykins during our outdoor rehearsal. (When myself and the rest of the nincompoops were doing kip-ups one after another. Smart) MD caught me with a nice palm-heel in between my shoulder blades (I kid...I live for that shit, you know this) Trev loosed a fist in my face by accident, I whacked MD harder than I should have performing an arm trap, and I caught CeeG's bony ass forearm with the top of my foot doing a roundkick. And I have this weird bruise in the center of my palm that, for the life of me, I have no recollection where I got it. I'm thinking maybe it was at the wedding. Redwright and I were frassin' poolside 'bout our individual bruisey maladies yesterday like a couple of folks in a retirement community.



So there's your incentive. Go see this show. Our pain, provides your pleasure.

June 3rd. The Illusion.

The Big Blue Moat...

(*)
"Himself put up the pool. After you're done doing what you're doing, I have a box of wine...come down to the pool...It's kind of funky colored due to the sewer work...but come down anyway if you can..."

And that, friends...is how the big blue pi$$ pool got inaugurated. A few happy, loving people standing in ice cold water on the hottest day of '06 while one half of the WW clan frassed about the lack of pool-filterage. Oh well. He ordered a new one.

The pool...is up. And it brings me no end of excitement to envision many happy returns. I even walked there.

Happy short week, y'all...

Farf a bunch of rehearsal...

(This'll need to get you through the week. I'm busy)

"Are you hungover?"
"Shhhhh"
"You look hung ov-"
"Really, shhhhhh"

That was the convo on Sunday. The good people of norefundstheatre.com decided to have a "noon to 4-ish" rehearsal at Calhoun...the day after my attending a celebre'. Ugh.

I jogged, to get the toxins out (Did I mention I was running off of minimal sleepage?) headed toward the lake which was PAH-kud! (Hot weather brings out the naked people) and rehearsed.

1) I brought pic-nic shite. The caterers gave me a shite ton of leftovers from the wedding and I brought it to the cast for snackys. Is that tacky?
2)It was hotter N a bitch out. To the tune of 90 odd degree's. Between the am jog, rehearsal, and the post rehearsal walk I went on? I came home, showered, and passed out. 5pm to 2am...yeesh. I had plans, yo...
3)I beat myself up. ReeK's said: "Try the final fight with yourself. Just...do it. See what happens.." So I did. If you wanna see it? Come to the fundraiser on June 3rd.
4) I'm sore today. Big time. Boo-Too sore. Oof
5)Mo-Ped comes home Tuesday. Yay.
6) Oof.

Weddings...and frass

Sats...where 2 begin? My best friend got married.

First I got to the church on time for the 3 hour "photo call". I loaded up best man accoutrements (Water, kleenex, snacks, toothbrushables, etc.) Funny bits would be the fact that in order to pass the time I brought my flask. (Something that his brothers all did...I'm sooo unoriginal. And they are so Irish.) It’s at this point you should know that we started what would be known as the "slow burn"towards drunkedness.

The ceremonial-I cried. I did. I don’t believe that I've never cried at a wedding. Even my big bro' s. Something about what the Fr. said really resonated in me. It made me weepy. So Shup. Proud Proud Proud of both of them. I commented later that the alter Christ was being suspended with cables. Cirque de Lord-ay.

From the church, after it was all like, "official" like, it was off to the caves...for?

Drinking. ( Really, I’ll say it again…how often is it that your best friend gets married, really?)

After the eating and speeches (I’m awfully glad I didn’t imbibe too much b4 hand. Yeah. I made it up as I went along. I’m happy that I didn’t raaaaamble on ad nauseum, but at the same time I'm frassy at myself since I didn't finish it with "May the Force be with you" but we can't have everything, right?) We cut a rug 'til the wee hours (One party foul all night. I was dancing to "They might be giants" when I biffed...I’m grateful that at least it wasn't when I was swing dancing with the groom's mama!) We shut'er down. And afterwards, a few of the wedding party and I hit a local bah for karaoke...a funny sight I imagine...being "those guys" in the sweaty, disheveled tuxes/dresses at a VFW. It took me the better part of an hour to get Ry-Gonns's sis back to her hotel (Guh. My internal GPS shut off at 1:00am.) and finally to bed.

At close to 5am
I. am. very proud of him.
I. am. very proud of her.

And what's, more? I wish to put out there that I can only wish them the kind of happiness that I'd hope for myself...and from a selfish bastard like me? That's a lot. Not as much as I'd like to give. But as much as I can muster.

Congratulations, Ry-gonn and Super-Grover. You both deserve the very, very best.

I did drink a lot. Not pukey mcpukerson, but I am sorry if talked to you and seemed "weird". Or weirder than normal. Or if I forgot to say good bye. Or if I smelled.

Loverly start, to a loverly weekend...

Loverly start, to a loverly weekend... 'Kay ,Since Mopester is outta town destroying Vega$, I figured I'd frass 'bout my weekend shizzle.Weddings.I'm finna break it down for y'all like a fraction.

Friday-Half day for buddies! I met Moses for lunch DT b4 she needed to catch her flight to sin city. It was pretty clear that she had checked out of Mipples and was ready to Gee-Oh. (And baby, you wear wanderlust beautifully) After that it was yard frassin', running, and getting ready for a RE-hearsal.Due to a boo-too traffic accident I wound up at the wedding rehearsal 5 mins late (Much to the chagrin of "Echo" their wedding frasser. More on her in a sec)
Fortunately, I found my way through hurried intro's and the initial walk-through unscathed.

(POF- I learned, very recently with my big-bro's weddin' that planners and families HATE it when they have a "jokester" in their midst. First, it's a high stress occasion to beigin with. Second, they're prolly thinkin' that while you think that you're being clever? You're not really listening, meaning you'll fuck up SOME part of the ceremony. I'd like you all to know -at least those wno know "me"- that I was on my best behaviour, thankyouverymuch...The last thing I'd want is to cause poor Echo frass.)

The rehearsing was short and sweet. In order to ease tensions, I did my darnedest to "mack" on Echo ("Young lady...that is a very fetching shade of toenail polish...if I mightbe so bold and if you're going to the reception, could I buy you a drink???") Fact: Schmooze the 80 year old planner that looks like a cross between Harry Carey and "Edna" from "The Incredibles"? You're golden.

And the rest of the night? Cream cheese.

Buca was delish(Ry-gonn gave me some pretty sweet schwag for best man prezzies...a Bruce Lee Tee, AND a vintage Kirby Spider-Man Tee. I know I've frassed in the past about getting too much "Die Spinne" schwag, but it was still pretty cool.) I schmoozed the servers , getting our party a lil' discountkins (Much to the suprise and awe of Judge Ry-Gonn the senior. I didn't have the heart to tell'im that I didn't do anything, the meal was just inexpensive...still...Thanks Ry-Gonn the senior for dinner...) I babysat the kids- (Go with me on this one: Hands in the pockets, means you're being cool. Hands out of the pockets? You mean business...So the kids dug their cool lessons. And teaching 'em how to dance like Michael Jackson.) So...yeah. I met my bestest friends extendo family. And they were jewels. And funny. Shit, were they funny.

Next? El Wedding...

"I think we can make it cooler..."

One of the cooler bits about our rehearsal process for the "GMiKFTH" is how organic it's been. The entire cast has been a part of the creative process from the first brainstorming session, continuing through our 'hearsals (Kinda like sketchy comedy...another big ol' love O' mine).

In the interest of time (we have a little over a week to put this b#tch up, folks) we've been falling back on bogarting some of our "all new old cheap moves" from the original run of "Kung Fu Hamlet" (backfist/ridgehand, double-phoenix eye punch, dah da dah da dah da...) So the day b4 we rehearsed our scenelet for "Frucible" last night, I get an email from MD which basically said (in regards to our little fightlet)

"We can make it cooler".

So, we whipped up a lil' sumpthin'-sumpthin' right quick. Well, as quick as you can by 'ographing something on our breakette. Photograph courtesy of Haley, and giving you another reason why I need a camera phone in a big bad way.*

Boo-ya from baby P and Doc... (W/a little bit with the Chad. Who had gas...*)

I do love that gal. Sorry about kickin' yer hand. Just like old times, huh?

; )

*Yeah, a camera phone/recorder in case I spontaneously feel like creating fight choreography. Whatever...P, ya rube.

** Every two seconds it was "prrrrt" coming from him. Swear. And if you wonder why in the last "panel" I'm doing the hand on the tummy thing, it's 'cause I saw "Take One" that Haley shot..which really accentuated that I'm going bald on top. Joy. Just like Sean Connery in "In the Name of the Rose" I am...BALD FRASS!!!!

9 2 1

9 TO 1

9 lasts
-last place you were: Chipotle, followed by Sports Authority
-last soda: Diet Coke-ah
-last beverage: I’m tri-fisting water/coffee from this morning/and Diet Coke-ah
-last kiss: Big brother, after rehearsal. We're kissers.
-last movie seen: “What the (bleep) do we know?” . How do you shape YOUR reality, geniuses?
-last cd played: Sting: Dream of Blue Turtles
-last time you cried: I think I got misty watching a movie with some mad acting in it.
---------------------------------------------------------
8 have you evers.
-have you ever dated someone twice: Nope. I think once is probably plenty for most people I’ve dated. :-[
-have you ever been cheated on: Good. And. Plenty. Thx. Why doncha gimme a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it while you’re asking? Fuck you, Mr. "8 have you ever's" and your nosy self! >:(
-have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: Yup.
-have you ever fallen in love: Good. And. Plenty.
-have you ever been depressed: Yes. Boo.
-have you ever been drunk and thrown up: Yes. I’ve even thrown up sober. Weird, I know.
-have you ever hit another person: Why just last night, when Master Dawson got tooooo close.---------------------------------------------------------------------------
7 states you've been to:
1. NY
2. CA
3. FL
4. MD
5. AZ
6. NV
7. TX
---------------------------------------------------------------------
6 things you've done today:
1. Ate a chicky burrito bowl w/no cheese, sour cream, or guac.
2. Attended meetings. Delegated.
3. I too…ate a muffin.
4. Sent condolence-y emails to a friend.
5. frassed
6. Bought knee pads for rehearsal.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
5 favorite things
1. Travelling
2. Cooking and Eating
3. Fitness and Fu
4. Theatre
5. Loving, Interacting, and Laughing with people.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
4 favorite colors
1. Cerulean
2. Charcoal Ash
3. Merlot
4. Desert Wheat----------------------------------------------------------------------------

3 people you can tell anything to.
1. Me fam (Ma, Pa, Ro)
2. Me Friends (Ya know who you are)
3. Me self (I talk a lot to myself. Shup)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
2 things you want to do before you die
1. Eat my weight in sushi
2. Get out of debt. Really, truly, deeply out of debt.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 thing you regret:

1. Getting into debt, and having that second plate of Indian food at the buffet last week. UNcomfortable pants, lemme tell ya.

Mawwiage

Did I mention that I’m going to a wedding this weekend?

More specifically, I’m going to be in a wedding this weekend? More specifically specifically…the best man. (Such an arrogant title, in my opinion. I prefer "The Okay Guy"…or maybe something original, like "The Ring Bearer". Heck, even "Sex Panther" would suffice. But "Best Man"? C’mon. That’s a lot to live up to.) So we got the rehearsal, this Friday (Grumblefrass...meaning I'm gonna miss X3!) and the wedding itself am Samstag. Reception to follow, here.

My question- Is it legal for the BM to "fly solo" to the event? (read: Dateless) I think so, since ya gotta be up at the table with the rest of the wedding frassers, and on the whole it didn't seem appropos to bring an inflatable sheep. I’m also startin’ to frass a little about what I’m gonna say at the reception. At RSvP's wedding, I was able to improvise the entire thing which seemed to work. (Much to the chagrin of my sister in laws sister, who’d pre-written hers.) But I had 30 odd years worth of source material to glom from. With Ry-Gonn? It’s gonna be a struggle to "not" make the whole damn thing about ADHD, Star Wars, and his penchant for drinking Colorado Bulldogs 'til nausea sets in.

Although, I’m certain, those topics will find there way in there.

Sketchy Molly? Don’t tell Ryan. I want it to be a surprise….


On the whole, I think I’d much rather be at a spur of the moment wedding in Vega$. While I’m not a particularly huge fan of the city…I think that with the right people and event?

Oof. More fun than disco.

Quick bits...

Is it tacky to bring your own meat to a bbq…if you’ve already bbq'ed it at home? I mean, the curry marinated chicky boobs were just begging to be eaten, and I’m not much of a brat guy.

Okay, so I had a lamb brat. Thanks for the hospitality Feej.

So I ate a brat. Yeah? What?

Mo-Peppa planted a pepper.

I’m wearing earth tones today. No shit, I’m wearing an honest to Goddess brown button down shirt and khaki’s. I don’t think I’ve owned a brown shirt since…oh, 1977…’78? Well, I guess when I was a member of good ol’ Troop 542 I wore one. It was tan, really. Today though? I look like a glorified UPS dude. Sans sexy legs and matching shorts. And b/c I was out on Friday, I never "got the memo" that it's "Casual Week" this week...meaning I coulda wore jeans. Instead of looking like Poopman McPooperton.

I’ve frassed over my underpant peculiarities (Karate=Briefs. Daily=Boxer Briefs. Bed Time=Flannel boxers or just regular old "boxer boxers") I just don’t know why I do that. I get so frustrated with my peccadilloes, I might as well just go commando. Wait, is it 1999 again?

Am I gonna reference dates in this entire entry? 1986.

I’ve discovered a new joy for dinner- Boca Burgers. 3 Boca patties covered with black bean salsa with some chips and you’re good to go! Seriously though? You can’t get me into the bathroom fast enough. Prrrrrt.

Speaking of prrrt. If you call my cell phone, and you have the right number…you won’t disturb any Mexican’s in the loo. If that seems too cryptic for you…well. Tough. Prrrrrt-oh in the Bano…

I promise not to make any further scatological references in this post.

I get an email from MD saying that she wants to punch up our fight a little bit to make it more than just "A couple of moves". I accept these terms and conditions. Now if we can figure out how to effectively do the love scene...wait. This is the "Frucible", right? Not the "Scarlet Letter"? Whatever. They both had Quaker Oatie looking characters.

"Sexpo" was in Mipples this last weekend. Seriously…can we find a less original title than "Sexpo". Sure it’s an attention getter, but c’mon? It’s not like people are gonna mistake it for the "Home and Garden Show". Can you picture it? The poor couple hovering over the merkin booth, thinking that it’s decorative moss?

"She better sleep with one eye open" does not translate into: "You wanna sleep with someone with an eyepatch?"

On Burlap, and Quantum Theory

Well...
Yeah, it gets busy some days. Shup.

Last week was literally a veritable whirlwind of action from the get go. Most nights were taken up by rehearsal, where we are at least 78% blocked out for all scenes. Gabe-ril did some coolness by posting a rough preview of what’s to come. Check it out here:


Nothing too fancy pants to write home last week until about Thursday when I took a (wait for it) HALF day, or "Sanity Day" if that’s you druthers. I hit an afternoon class at ‘Fu, (Why oh why are we ending class with plyometrics? Oh, that’s right. My instructor prays for my death. And fuck a bunch of BS, I haven’t jumped rope since I was 15!?!?) Then attacked my lawn which was VIOLENTLY overgrown. (Seriously? I couldn’t make a pass without the frassin’ mower getting all gummed up and jammed. It took nearly 2 hours to mow the front, leaving me no time to jog.)
This all lead up to the inevitable party de-la-bachelor for my buddy Ry-gonn. After getting cleaned and gussied, we all convened at mi casa and headed to Erte’ for nibbles, which for the record…is the bomb shite. We spent a majority of the time trying to get Brett-Muck to be a little more, how do you say, cordial, With our server? No luck. We toasted, we drank, we laughed, we frassed and then decided to hit the DeeT burlesque scene. (What? Stop judging. I ain’t ashamed.) We hit one club which frassed about Daddy-o’s Buddhist cap (Seriously. A "No Hat" policy? I can understand a "No Raincoat" but c’mon.) So we bustled a block and a half over to a place that had more lenient dress code. It was what it was. Strippable. And did you guys know that the women at those places aren’t actually into you? That they’re coming on to you so that you give THEM money? Wow! Boy wasn’t I surprised! Here’s me thinking that I was all cute and stuff while them there half nekky-gals were all saying I was cute and stuff and laughing and stuff and...

Right. Funny man, I am. Not. Thank You.

Frid’s I finished lawn frass and had some lunch w/Dorajar (Indian Buffet is the DEVIL! After plate number dos, I was fit for a coma. Which I was in for the next- 3- hours) After waking up, we hit up the NEMAA Art-A-Whirl with the ‘Bean. We stopped in the Mill City Café (under new management, Thank You) enjoyed happy hour niblets and cocktails (‘Bean was the target of a fly-by pooping from a random bird. Thank GOD it didn't’hit the poor man. Our server/restaurant manager informed us that it was good luck. Yeah, good luck that he wasn’t yawning) Afterwards, we hit up my girl AM’s going bye-bye party b4 splitting to saying another goodbye to Mopeppa’s buddy MM2 at the Bulldog.

Weird. Lotsa goodbyes.

The weekend bode more rehearsal (Yay for finally getting babygirl MD back in the fold…even if she smelled like campfire ; p ) BBQ’s in the Savage Land (Chock a block full of political frassin’. There is something cathartic about being able to frass face to face as opposed to the blind, sterile, heartless void which comprises ‘net frassin’. It just feels better to me.) And returning home, stuffed…again, for some Geisha-Memoirs. Which, for being a pretty movie? Didn’t do much for moooving me. Meh.

Sunday…wait- MORE rehearsal, and finally being able to get a much deserved workout in before checking out the movie "What the (Bleep) do we know?"with some Chinese niblets.

In case you’re wondering? The flick was all right. Interesting, if not a little cheesy, but still a better documentary than if a bunch of talking heads were, well...talking. There was even a Dr. named "prrrrt".

If you’ve been dying to learn about Quantum Physics/Mechanics/Theories "Lite"? This is the movie for you!

Shortie...

Rehearsal tonight was very short, but it provided me with a nice opportunity to catch up with Master Matt (Old Director of KFH) We blocked out a short fight between Oedipus and the Plague, and in spite of being less than three moves it still had us both laughing like nincompoops.

Why? Two words: Ninja's. Roll.

IJS


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