(Kiped from an email I sent to the cast of "GMIKFTH" regarding my present experience with the good teens performing in CHS's version of "KFH". Mention anything in regards to things like "profound affect" or that it's "Dripping with sentiment"? I'll kill ya. I swear. I'm a ninja)
Good Morning, Friends. This may seem a lil' longish, so forgiveness please. If you just want the itty-bitty, scroll to the bitty bottom. It's technically an invite. But an invite...with a story:
As most of y'all know, I'm helping with a High School production of "Kung Fu Hamlet" at CHS in Circle Pines. The genesis of this stems from when my friend, Actor/Director TLC (Who directed "Loot" at TRP, and I've worked for him in other productions nigh on 5-6 years) saw us do "KFH" in January '06. When he got asked to direct Centennial's Spring show he thought "What about 'KFH'?" Well, it fell through and they ended up doing "Mad Woman of Chaillot" or some s#it and the project got tabled.
Fast forward to March-y March of this year and it all ends up falling into place. He asks me to be the Fight choreographer...which I thought was kinda strange since- #1) I feel like I'm one of the less-talented/skilled martial artist's to ever have worked for No Refunds and #2? (Which Chowie is probably thinking "Doesn't #2 means POOP?!") I've never 'Ographed anything before. Much less at a high school. So, I bugged Chowie and Matt for the "KFH" DVD. Watched it. Wrote down the blocking. And made that the abridged outline of my work. That's right. Suck it. I bogarted approximately 80% of the blocking, with some amendments in regards to the more advanced techniques and to make up for the fact that Polonius has not two. Not three. But six monks. Almost all women. More on that in a sec.
(Here is where I insert a humble apology to the cast. The high school show, coupled with our show/the fundraiser/and a 40+ hour work week...Not to mention trying to squeeze in occasional face time w/the lady friend has turned me into a greater flibbertigibbet than normal...forgive me. My mind has become fractured. Like a Phillip K. Dick character. If you read that sort of thing. If you can READ!)
So. The kids. And the show. The meat and gristle of this message. And other frass.
-The biggest one, was trying not to swear. Much.
-None of them have had martial arts training. Our original "Hamlet" had like 2 years of Tung Soo Do when he was 10 or 11, but he up and got kicked out of his house and had to transfer schools. This was week #2 of rehearsals, and we'd already blocked 3/4th's of his fights
-Being that they had no martial arts training, I had to do a rudimentary boot camp showing them the basic "flavor" of the arts which are martial. This included having them stretch daily (Even when I'm not there. I told the SM that she was the movement coach) Deep stances. Closed fists. Head up (Tall guys are all STOOPING! Don't STOOP! HORSEBACK STANCE!)
-Making sure my "Bad-A$$-Lady-Monks" (The "B.A.L.M.'s") don't say "Sorry" (I banned the word from fight rehearsals) That they stop smiling/giggling ("Ladies? I need your 'Mean face'...Katryn? Stop it. Stop....no...stop giggling! You HATE Hamlet!") And that they are less than two feet away when they "hit" someone. ("Dani? I don't know much, but I'm pretty sure your punch didn't land from way back there. Stop giggling!")
-Teaching the two "Best Friends since 2nd Grade" Laertes and Ophelia pak sao (A feat I'm actually quite tickled about. They are so gung-ho, it warms the heart. It helps that I told our SM, again, to make them practice-every. Day. And then found out they did anyway outside of rehearsals, in the band equipment room where no one was watching)
-Enduring being called "Mr. "
-Telling "Yummy"-"Good intensity, Yummy" (These kids with there nicknames. Bless his heart, the most awkward kid ever he's working so hard)
-Being an innovator and re-casting Hamlet with a woman. ("Ashley". A dancer. She gets crabby when I ask her to turn her foot a certain way. "That's NOT how I was trained".)
-Explaining to them that "No, I've never killed someone with karate" and that "Yes, I've seriously injured people with karate"
-Enduring (again) Ashley's litany of commentary/questions ("How old are you?"/"Why do you have facial hair? Are you TRYING to grow a beard?"/"Is your nose broken? It looks crooked"/"My boyfriend does NOT look like Sanjaya...he's Mormon!"/"I'm sore"/"I'm tired"/"Why would you ever want to learn that?!?" That last question is my favorite, as it came after I explained "Tiger Claw" and how it could feasibly rend flesh.) And the best bit? She's doing every thing I ask. Great success.
-Discussing Prom, then showing them my old Prom pics and having them (The whole frickin' cast and Terry) stay after rehearsal one night while I told them Prom horror stories. I've never had a rapt audience like that.
-And the really best bit? Is watching it all start to come together. They're really working hard. And I think having a lot of fun. All thanks to a goofy lil' idea hatched by Chowie/Matt/and Gabe-pril
So here's the deal- Next Thursday, May 10th they open and it's the only day I can go- 7:30 pm. If you'd like to go as well, I'd like the company. Tickets are $4-$6 (I know. I haven't seen ticket prices that low in the 9-odd years I've been working in TC theatres)
Thanks for your support and dealing with my frass. And I hope you can make it.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Friday, May 04, 2007
Oof, and Woot
Ugh. Tired. I'll post my frassy thoughts on "S3" later. We open tonight. Go see my show!
That is all. Off to nap, practice o'graphy, dress, hit the theatre, do show, have drink.
In that order.
Frass!
That is all. Off to nap, practice o'graphy, dress, hit the theatre, do show, have drink.
In that order.
Frass!
Monday, April 30, 2007
You KNOW you wanna see it!
Now with more pics! Who's the fraidy lion? Go to Intermedia Arts this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (2pm matinee) the next two weekends to find out what are truly..."The Greatest Moments in Kung Fu Theatre History".
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Pics of Five Fifth's...*
To make MD and RSvP remember what they're missing...(Monday, 4/16/2007) I'm the one with the old-school plasticky sparring gear and yellow belt. Get it? Cowardly lion=yellow? Gah, the internal choices of an actor...More to come. Go see "Greatest Moments of Kung Fu Theatre History" at Intermedia Arts. Friday's, Saturday's, and Sunday afternoons May 3rd through 13th. We may even get beers after. Or tea, if you are a tea-totaler.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Busy Crack
I'm bored, busy as hell, and feeling run down. So I give you crack- After having done so many of these things, I'm thinking I'll need to have a test to see how many actual posters are paying attention. It'll be multiple choice, true/false, and essay. Instant credit will be given for any written in answer that sez "Because he's beautiful"...
1. Height?
5' 10"
2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
I thought you injected it? (No. Doi)
3. Do you own a gun?
Several realistic toys/bb guns that work well as props. If you need to own a gun, you're fooling yourself. Open up a newspaper to figure that lil' equation out...fucking guns. Ugh.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Nah. Mostly because I haven't been to the doc in over 7 years now, I may have forgotten what it feels like.
6. What do you think of hot dogs?
The only time I'll eat'em are at live sporting events. Otherwise, even the sight of those gray gas station dogs that look like they've sat their since the 1st Bush adminstration make me want to vom.
7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
I like'em all, actually. Except for that lame ass Paul McCartney song "Simply, Having, A wonderful Christmas time!". GODS! You were a Beatle, Man! There are enough muzak cover versions of your songs that we don't need you to actually WRITE one that gets AIRPLAY! My head throbs thinking about it. Bad form, Sir McCartney. Thou shouldst know the better!
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
OJ, Water, One cuppa java. (Sometimes a skinny mocha at a coffee shop if it's a study-Sunday for buddies)
9. Can you do push ups?
Yup. All sorts. Great pre-exhaust workout before you wail on your pecs.
10. Is your bathroom clean?
Tidy. I've been so busy that the dust is what's grossin' me out. I need to do a deep cleaning before friends/family visit again. And I was thinking of having a cast party for GMIKFTH? Iiiiiii don't tink so!
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
My ichi-yen necklace
12. Do you like painkillers?
Ibuprofen is my b#tch right now. (Always is during fight shows. Especially now that I'm doing two) The heavy stuff not so much. It usually leaves me feeling like I'm having an out of body experience (Not very comfortable in my own skin. Well, less comfortable than I normally am anyway) And it interrupts my sleep pattern to a greater extent. (W/in the last 1.5 years I've taken painkiller/muscle relaxants twice. Both times, instead of putting me out? I was lucid and frassy until the wee hours)
13. What do you do to lure in the opposite sex?
My all new old cheap moves, bold behavior, a certain fading bedside manner, a knack for subversive double-entendres...and roofies.
14. Do you have A.D.D.?
I'd say I qualify as a...hey! A bunny!
16. Middle Name?
David
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
1. I have a runny nose, sneezes, and a sore throat. If working/rehearsing/studying 7 days a week for the last two and the next 2 weeks is doing this to me...I'll be pissed. 2. When will my federal refund come, dammit! 3. I've got a lot of s#it to do this week.
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought?
Veggie burrito from Little T's/Garlic skin roller from Kitchen Window/Shared brunch for buddies at the Independent.
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
Water/Any Diet (Mt. Dew, Coke, Caffeine free Coke)/Pinot Grigio
22. Current worry?
The same. Debt. Health. Time.
23. Current hate?
My washing machine and refrigerator. The former, b/c it still doesn't work and I haven't had a lot of time to f#ck with it before seeing if it requires actual replacement. (And then, do I want a stacked W/D set up to make room for the future "2nd downstairs bathroom?") The latter, b/c it's old (Energy Hog)...ugly (Really old)...and doesn't have a working light fixture (Broke).
And the City of Mipples, for citing my old garage for being ugly and needing re-painted...or else I get a fine. F#ck you, city.
24. Favorite place to be?
Right now, home and bed would be stellar. Meesa tired.
25. How did you bring in the New Year?
At Dorajar and Magrooder's casa. It was keen!
26. Where would you like to go?
As in on a trip? Ideally, Dorajar and I have been frassin' about going to Paris then Rome (via Ryan Air) and doing Europe on the cheap. Right now it's come down to (hopefully) flying to CO and renting a car, then driving South to camp throughout the upper Southwest. We may just settle for a weekend in Two Harbors. We're both booked until the end of June it seems. : (
27. Do you own slippers?
Oh God yes. Do you understand what state we're in?
28. What shirt are you wearing?
Black Baccarat dress shirt with tiny white pin stripes. Probably more fashionable two years ago when the verticle stripe fad was in. (And it was much less "fade-y"...I suck at laundry)
1. Height?
5' 10"
2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
I thought you injected it? (No. Doi)
3. Do you own a gun?
Several realistic toys/bb guns that work well as props. If you need to own a gun, you're fooling yourself. Open up a newspaper to figure that lil' equation out...fucking guns. Ugh.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Nah. Mostly because I haven't been to the doc in over 7 years now, I may have forgotten what it feels like.
6. What do you think of hot dogs?
The only time I'll eat'em are at live sporting events. Otherwise, even the sight of those gray gas station dogs that look like they've sat their since the 1st Bush adminstration make me want to vom.
7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
I like'em all, actually. Except for that lame ass Paul McCartney song "Simply, Having, A wonderful Christmas time!". GODS! You were a Beatle, Man! There are enough muzak cover versions of your songs that we don't need you to actually WRITE one that gets AIRPLAY! My head throbs thinking about it. Bad form, Sir McCartney. Thou shouldst know the better!
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
OJ, Water, One cuppa java. (Sometimes a skinny mocha at a coffee shop if it's a study-Sunday for buddies)
9. Can you do push ups?
Yup. All sorts. Great pre-exhaust workout before you wail on your pecs.
10. Is your bathroom clean?
Tidy. I've been so busy that the dust is what's grossin' me out. I need to do a deep cleaning before friends/family visit again. And I was thinking of having a cast party for GMIKFTH? Iiiiiii don't tink so!
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
My ichi-yen necklace
12. Do you like painkillers?
Ibuprofen is my b#tch right now. (Always is during fight shows. Especially now that I'm doing two) The heavy stuff not so much. It usually leaves me feeling like I'm having an out of body experience (Not very comfortable in my own skin. Well, less comfortable than I normally am anyway) And it interrupts my sleep pattern to a greater extent. (W/in the last 1.5 years I've taken painkiller/muscle relaxants twice. Both times, instead of putting me out? I was lucid and frassy until the wee hours)
13. What do you do to lure in the opposite sex?
My all new old cheap moves, bold behavior, a certain fading bedside manner, a knack for subversive double-entendres...and roofies.
14. Do you have A.D.D.?
I'd say I qualify as a...hey! A bunny!
16. Middle Name?
David
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
1. I have a runny nose, sneezes, and a sore throat. If working/rehearsing/studying 7 days a week for the last two and the next 2 weeks is doing this to me...I'll be pissed. 2. When will my federal refund come, dammit! 3. I've got a lot of s#it to do this week.
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought?
Veggie burrito from Little T's/Garlic skin roller from Kitchen Window/Shared brunch for buddies at the Independent.
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
Water/Any Diet (Mt. Dew, Coke, Caffeine free Coke)/Pinot Grigio
22. Current worry?
The same. Debt. Health. Time.
23. Current hate?
My washing machine and refrigerator. The former, b/c it still doesn't work and I haven't had a lot of time to f#ck with it before seeing if it requires actual replacement. (And then, do I want a stacked W/D set up to make room for the future "2nd downstairs bathroom?") The latter, b/c it's old (Energy Hog)...ugly (Really old)...and doesn't have a working light fixture (Broke).
And the City of Mipples, for citing my old garage for being ugly and needing re-painted...or else I get a fine. F#ck you, city.
24. Favorite place to be?
Right now, home and bed would be stellar. Meesa tired.
25. How did you bring in the New Year?
At Dorajar and Magrooder's casa. It was keen!
26. Where would you like to go?
As in on a trip? Ideally, Dorajar and I have been frassin' about going to Paris then Rome (via Ryan Air) and doing Europe on the cheap. Right now it's come down to (hopefully) flying to CO and renting a car, then driving South to camp throughout the upper Southwest. We may just settle for a weekend in Two Harbors. We're both booked until the end of June it seems. : (
27. Do you own slippers?
Oh God yes. Do you understand what state we're in?
28. What shirt are you wearing?
Black Baccarat dress shirt with tiny white pin stripes. Probably more fashionable two years ago when the verticle stripe fad was in. (And it was much less "fade-y"...I suck at laundry)
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Mmmmmm, beer...
So, Five Fifth's has come and gone. It was a fun, successful, and sold out evening. The day started kinda pucky, with my needing to drop off the old purple Easter egg for the inevitable tranny repair. (The thing that has been a thorn in my flesh since last Summer had to get done) Moses Supposes lent me her ve-Hickle, and I set about to do some chores/studying/exercising before meeting her at Wasabi for cheap sushi lunch. (Wasabi. Where you should all-go-to lunch if you are jonesin' for Sushi in DT Mipples. $7.50 for two rolls. Two honkin' BIG rolls.) Anyway, I figured I'd take a quick naplet post-shower and ended up oversleeping, nearly missing sushi- Forgetting my wallet. (Which is grand, coz it's not like I LOVE having my GF pay...or driving her car sans liscense.) After dropping her off I headed back home to prep for the evenings bidness.
I met up w/her at the Towner (After a quickie tech) where we nibbled TERRIBLE dinners and had a mutual pint. And headed in to do the show.
It was grand, being able to frass w/peeps backstage. Watching the other peeps business (Ari and co. 3-Sticks, The Scrimmy-scrimmy-buck-bucks w/CeeJ, Bedlam, and we goofs. We happy goofs) Dorajar made her singing debut (Hence, the powering down of pints) and the night was a s#it-ton of fun. Which is the way it should be. Word.
After schmoozing w/Mama and Papa-san, we grabbed our free beer. (What? Summit is a sponsor you say? Shut UP!) before heading to the Towner for another sad pint. (It should be said, that at this point? Dorajar felt really good.) I had almost forgot how much I like beer on warm days.
The next day, I had remembered how much I despise beer bloat. (And prefer cocktails/wine over da beer)
Back to frassin' w/the High School kidlets and getting "GMIKFTH" up and running. We only have, what, 4 or 5 rehearsals left until tech?
Not a problem.
I met up w/her at the Towner (After a quickie tech) where we nibbled TERRIBLE dinners and had a mutual pint. And headed in to do the show.
It was grand, being able to frass w/peeps backstage. Watching the other peeps business (Ari and co. 3-Sticks, The Scrimmy-scrimmy-buck-bucks w/CeeJ, Bedlam, and we goofs. We happy goofs) Dorajar made her singing debut (Hence, the powering down of pints) and the night was a s#it-ton of fun. Which is the way it should be. Word.
After schmoozing w/Mama and Papa-san, we grabbed our free beer. (What? Summit is a sponsor you say? Shut UP!) before heading to the Towner for another sad pint. (It should be said, that at this point? Dorajar felt really good.) I had almost forgot how much I like beer on warm days.
The next day, I had remembered how much I despise beer bloat. (And prefer cocktails/wine over da beer)
Back to frassin' w/the High School kidlets and getting "GMIKFTH" up and running. We only have, what, 4 or 5 rehearsals left until tech?
Not a problem.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Diary-uh...
"I'm going to be an extravagant womanizer until I find 'Ms. Right'..."
From the diary of Baby P, circa Spring 1990.
It's a little weird that Dorajar and I have been reading each other's old journal excerpts to one and other. (Although, she WAS jonesin' to get to the naughty bits about lost virginity, etc.) Weirder still (to me) is that 1990 had very...different meanings to each of us. The following are some excerpts of my journal circa 1990. Please note, I wasn't just angsty and hormonal in every single entry I wrote in my hasty scribble. I did have some interesting current events that I wrote about, including my "at the time" political leanings. (Which, remarkably, were similar to my folks. Go fig. They are posted later for your pleasure)
Highlights from my archaic journalling...:
"I'm feeling love pangs towards________" ("Pangs"? Really?)
"I'm taking _________ to the Sculpture Gardens for some spiritual release"
"I'm excited because I might get (RSvP's) room!"
"They had a party with out me. B****!"
"I played an ultra-good game of hockey, scoring with .00001 seconds left"
"The teacher accused me of cheating on the test but I didn't. I guess God likes me"
"It was an uneventful weekend in an uneventful life"
"I got a call from 5 different girls!"
"French kissing is the BEST!"
"And I DIDN'T have sex with her, thank you. And I'm VERY proud of myself for that." (How proud can you be when you're 15 and hormonal? Pretty proud I guess.)
"Went to the party. _______ sat around like a lump. Great"
And for the aforementioned political/current events of 1990-1991-
"Gorbachev visited today. My dad met him, shook his hand, and gave him a hat"
"Go Bush!"
"Well, the ground war started today in Iraq. Pray for our troops"
(And a later thread...when the journal was tapering off)
"Bill Clinton was just elected president. The first Democrat in over 12 years."
(I could smell the love pangs at losing a Republican president. Smell 'em. Funny that I don't remember leaning that way as a kid.)
All of this, contained, in a black velvet diary from B-Daltons. Complete with a silver unicorn on the cover. Yup. My gernal. Wow.
So, If anyone wants some cheap fun I encourage you to read (if you kept them) any and all old letters/journals/diaries. Hands down, the best entertainment you can find.
From the diary of Baby P, circa Spring 1990.
It's a little weird that Dorajar and I have been reading each other's old journal excerpts to one and other. (Although, she WAS jonesin' to get to the naughty bits about lost virginity, etc.) Weirder still (to me) is that 1990 had very...different meanings to each of us. The following are some excerpts of my journal circa 1990. Please note, I wasn't just angsty and hormonal in every single entry I wrote in my hasty scribble. I did have some interesting current events that I wrote about, including my "at the time" political leanings. (Which, remarkably, were similar to my folks. Go fig. They are posted later for your pleasure)
Highlights from my archaic journalling...:
"I'm feeling love pangs towards________" ("Pangs"? Really?)
"I'm taking _________ to the Sculpture Gardens for some spiritual release"
"I'm excited because I might get (RSvP's) room!"
"They had a party with out me. B****!"
"I played an ultra-good game of hockey, scoring with .00001 seconds left"
"The teacher accused me of cheating on the test but I didn't. I guess God likes me"
"It was an uneventful weekend in an uneventful life"
"I got a call from 5 different girls!"
"French kissing is the BEST!"
"And I DIDN'T have sex with her, thank you. And I'm VERY proud of myself for that." (How proud can you be when you're 15 and hormonal? Pretty proud I guess.)
"Went to the party. _______ sat around like a lump. Great"
And for the aforementioned political/current events of 1990-1991-
"Gorbachev visited today. My dad met him, shook his hand, and gave him a hat"
"Go Bush!"
"Well, the ground war started today in Iraq. Pray for our troops"
(And a later thread...when the journal was tapering off)
"Bill Clinton was just elected president. The first Democrat in over 12 years."
(I could smell the love pangs at losing a Republican president. Smell 'em. Funny that I don't remember leaning that way as a kid.)
All of this, contained, in a black velvet diary from B-Daltons. Complete with a silver unicorn on the cover. Yup. My gernal. Wow.
So, If anyone wants some cheap fun I encourage you to read (if you kept them) any and all old letters/journals/diaries. Hands down, the best entertainment you can find.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Chiisai Ryu*
* Little dragon
Just. Prepare yourself, okay? I'm not changing the tone of the blog or nuttin'!!! But you gotta admit, that's kiiiiiinda cute. Right?
Thursday, April 12, 2007
A week or so, in photographic art...
B/C I'm beautiful...but no Claire Fisher. ("Six Feet Under" reference anyone? No? Bueller?")
Here's my last week or so i n a quasi-Herb Ritts-y spread. Okay, no. Here it is anyway. Enjoy and stuff. (Sans cute baby pictures this time. I will probably soon be filling cyber-space with pictures of my nephew)
The newlywed Jennybenny @ Kung Fu rehearsal, posing with faux-firearms. Ry-Kath stated that we needed guns. I brought the guns. (Aren't they cool? Before they started making toy guns safe and dayglo! I'm glad I kept the dang things!)
Hot tub at Davey's circa October 2006. Okay, okay...so it isn't Redwrights FAR superior hot tub. I just don't have any viable photo's of me or she in them anywhere. So there. Note cocktail firmly planted in the pink jams-wearing monkeys hand.
The WOLVES! While they were winning! And I was digesting! Yup, those suckers lead through almost 3/4ths of the game. Then they frickin' blew it.
Baby P and Ry-gonn...stuffed with tubesteak. Looking disappointed. See the angle and how high up we were? Yup, I keep forgetting the mild case of vertigo I get (and did get) going up and down stadium stairs. I have another (really?) unnatural fear of tumbling over high heavily raked stadium seats and not stopping. I grab the bar on the stairs down. Dork-pie. So if you're planning on gifting me tickets to a major sporting event? Courtside only, please
Seven dollars. Baby P is drinking seven dollars. Pop was $5. The more the Wolves started to stink, the more I was inclined to want to drink. Happy National Poetry Month. There's your poem.
Kung Fu Bunnies at Ma and Pa Per-Per. Lookit the lil' pugilistic lepus! He's treating that big guy like he's a Bop'em Clown. Heh. Clown Boxers.
How to cope with the holidays. That represents the largest portion of white wine our festive group of 8 imbibed. It's almost beautiful. And did it ever make us pass out. (Along with the crusted chicken breasts, 4 different spreads, bread, cheese, cheesy potatoes, sauteed vegetables...etc) We feasted. And laughed a lot. At Dorajar's melodramatic reading of her 4th Grade Journal. Quite angsty and political for a 9 year old.
Yours truly. Speeding from one gig to the next. (Insert Simon and Garfunkel tune here: "Slow down...you move to fast...you gotta try to stop the frass!")
Here's my last week or so i n a quasi-Herb Ritts-y spread. Okay, no. Here it is anyway. Enjoy and stuff. (Sans cute baby pictures this time. I will probably soon be filling cyber-space with pictures of my nephew)
The newlywed Jennybenny @ Kung Fu rehearsal, posing with faux-firearms. Ry-Kath stated that we needed guns. I brought the guns. (Aren't they cool? Before they started making toy guns safe and dayglo! I'm glad I kept the dang things!)
Hot tub at Davey's circa October 2006. Okay, okay...so it isn't Redwrights FAR superior hot tub. I just don't have any viable photo's of me or she in them anywhere. So there. Note cocktail firmly planted in the pink jams-wearing monkeys hand. 
The WOLVES! While they were winning! And I was digesting! Yup, those suckers lead through almost 3/4ths of the game. Then they frickin' blew it. 
Baby P and Ry-gonn...stuffed with tubesteak. Looking disappointed. See the angle and how high up we were? Yup, I keep forgetting the mild case of vertigo I get (and did get) going up and down stadium stairs. I have another (really?) unnatural fear of tumbling over high heavily raked stadium seats and not stopping. I grab the bar on the stairs down. Dork-pie. So if you're planning on gifting me tickets to a major sporting event? Courtside only, please
Seven dollars. Baby P is drinking seven dollars. Pop was $5. The more the Wolves started to stink, the more I was inclined to want to drink. Happy National Poetry Month. There's your poem.
Kung Fu Bunnies at Ma and Pa Per-Per. Lookit the lil' pugilistic lepus! He's treating that big guy like he's a Bop'em Clown. Heh. Clown Boxers.
How to cope with the holidays. That represents the largest portion of white wine our festive group of 8 imbibed. It's almost beautiful. And did it ever make us pass out. (Along with the crusted chicken breasts, 4 different spreads, bread, cheese, cheesy potatoes, sauteed vegetables...etc) We feasted. And laughed a lot. At Dorajar's melodramatic reading of her 4th Grade Journal. Quite angsty and political for a 9 year old.
Yours truly. Speeding from one gig to the next. (Insert Simon and Garfunkel tune here: "Slow down...you move to fast...you gotta try to stop the frass!")
To re-cap...there is, so much
I know I haven't been as diligent with posting. Work has been keeping me busy, per normal. And there was a lot of lead up excitement/nerves/impatience to get my nephew good and berfed. On top of all that, the extra-curriculars:
1- "GMIKFTH" has been chugging along for the last 3 weeks. The 'Ography is coming back, slowly but surely. I miss having cats like MD and RSvP in the show, but HE selfishly decided to up and make his wife preggers or something. Jerk. We're doing the same goofy s#it, albeit rehearsing in a smaller room with (I'm hoping) less broken glass ground into the floor. Actually...Have we rehearsed anything besides "Oedipus"? Will we? Guys? FRASSSSSSS
2- "Five Fifths of the Fringe-2007" This coming Monday we'll (And by "we'll", I mean "No Refunds") be performing at the Fringe Fundraiser @ the Southern with 4 other theatre companies. We've been given the last 5th of "The Wizard of Oz" to Kung-Fu (ck) up. Rehearsals for that beast have been up and down pour moi. (Feeling old, frassy, sore, and not very martial-artsy) ASIDES from all that, it'll be good times I'm sure. I think people are going to like what we do. Annnnnnd we have one rehearsal left before we are at go-time.
Eep.
3- "Kung Fu Hamlet" at Centennial High School, Circle Pines. Well, I got tapped to be a fight choreographer. There I said it. TLC obtained the rights, and I'm actually getting PAID to do this shite!?! Can you believe it? I'm putting together scene breakdowns, watching the tape (reviewing the tape? Isn't that what fighters do?) yadda yadda. I showed up to the school last night for a preliminary warm-up/fitness check. I got to explain the show and concept. Then I led the kids through a bunch of stretches, got a head count of who has previous martial arts experience (0, with the exception of a guy who did Tung So Doo 4 years ago. He's maaaaybe going to be our Hammy. We'll see.) teach them some basic stances/punches/kicks so that the director can see how they move. I talk to the kids about who can do kip-ups or aerials (0..but they seemed eager to learn) And we watched the movie.
I seem to be doing a lot of kung fu stuff. I might need to slip a "straight" play in one of these days. Most folks'll think I can't act unless someone is reading my lines off stage and I'm trying to punch Shinobi-wan in the throat...
And I rehearse almost Every. Single. Day.
ION:
Ry-gonn and I hit a T'Wolves game last Saturday where I ate way too much brat-age, french fry-age, and Miller Lite Beer-age out of plastic bottles. (Note to self: Bring your own flask and buy soda. At $7 a pop, those beers be expensive.) Dorajar and I have been frassin' over when and if we'll ever be able to take a vacation this year. (Current ideas are: Flying to Colorado, renting a car, and driving down through the Southwest, ala' 4 corners.) Still trying to do practice tests for my "6" and get my score up over 80% (I'm still down in the 60%ile) I've gone over to Redwrights for a couple of soaks, and I'm fixing to sneak over more often. Annnnnnnd, I need to do my frassin' taxes.
I hit a sushi lunch at Wasabi with buddies, and that night we ate an Early Easter Greek din-din at the Gardens of Salonica with ma and pa P. Easter itself was spent studying, and then hit Ma and Pa Dorajar's with X, Chenny, Pad, and G-ma. We ATE all day some wonderful nibbles and managed to polish off...(sigh) go with me: 3 magnums of Pinot Grigio and a couple of other bottles of wine. Oof.
Oh, and the big brother baby factory. That's pretty huge news too.
1- "GMIKFTH" has been chugging along for the last 3 weeks. The 'Ography is coming back, slowly but surely. I miss having cats like MD and RSvP in the show, but HE selfishly decided to up and make his wife preggers or something. Jerk. We're doing the same goofy s#it, albeit rehearsing in a smaller room with (I'm hoping) less broken glass ground into the floor. Actually...Have we rehearsed anything besides "Oedipus"? Will we? Guys? FRASSSSSSS
2- "Five Fifths of the Fringe-2007" This coming Monday we'll (And by "we'll", I mean "No Refunds") be performing at the Fringe Fundraiser @ the Southern with 4 other theatre companies. We've been given the last 5th of "The Wizard of Oz" to Kung-Fu (ck) up. Rehearsals for that beast have been up and down pour moi. (Feeling old, frassy, sore, and not very martial-artsy) ASIDES from all that, it'll be good times I'm sure. I think people are going to like what we do. Annnnnnd we have one rehearsal left before we are at go-time.
Eep.
3- "Kung Fu Hamlet" at Centennial High School, Circle Pines. Well, I got tapped to be a fight choreographer. There I said it. TLC obtained the rights, and I'm actually getting PAID to do this shite!?! Can you believe it? I'm putting together scene breakdowns, watching the tape (reviewing the tape? Isn't that what fighters do?) yadda yadda. I showed up to the school last night for a preliminary warm-up/fitness check. I got to explain the show and concept. Then I led the kids through a bunch of stretches, got a head count of who has previous martial arts experience (0, with the exception of a guy who did Tung So Doo 4 years ago. He's maaaaybe going to be our Hammy. We'll see.) teach them some basic stances/punches/kicks so that the director can see how they move. I talk to the kids about who can do kip-ups or aerials (0..but they seemed eager to learn) And we watched the movie.
I seem to be doing a lot of kung fu stuff. I might need to slip a "straight" play in one of these days. Most folks'll think I can't act unless someone is reading my lines off stage and I'm trying to punch Shinobi-wan in the throat...
And I rehearse almost Every. Single. Day.
ION:
Ry-gonn and I hit a T'Wolves game last Saturday where I ate way too much brat-age, french fry-age, and Miller Lite Beer-age out of plastic bottles. (Note to self: Bring your own flask and buy soda. At $7 a pop, those beers be expensive.) Dorajar and I have been frassin' over when and if we'll ever be able to take a vacation this year. (Current ideas are: Flying to Colorado, renting a car, and driving down through the Southwest, ala' 4 corners.) Still trying to do practice tests for my "6" and get my score up over 80% (I'm still down in the 60%ile) I've gone over to Redwrights for a couple of soaks, and I'm fixing to sneak over more often. Annnnnnnd, I need to do my frassin' taxes.
I hit a sushi lunch at Wasabi with buddies, and that night we ate an Early Easter Greek din-din at the Gardens of Salonica with ma and pa P. Easter itself was spent studying, and then hit Ma and Pa Dorajar's with X, Chenny, Pad, and G-ma. We ATE all day some wonderful nibbles and managed to polish off...(sigh) go with me: 3 magnums of Pinot Grigio and a couple of other bottles of wine. Oof.
Oh, and the big brother baby factory. That's pretty huge news too.
To re-cap...there is, so much
I know I haven't been as diligent with posting. Work has been keeping me busy, per normal. And there was a lot of lead up excitement/nerves/impatience to get my nephew good and berfed. On top of all that, the extra-curriculars:
1- "GMIKFTH" has been chugging along for the last 3 weeks. The 'Ography is coming back, slowly but surely. I miss having cats like MD and RSvP in the show, but HE selfishly decided to up and make his wife preggers or something. Jerk. We're doing the same goofy s#it, albeit rehearsing in a smaller room with (I'm hoping) less broken glass ground into the floor. Actually...Have we rehearsed anything besides "Oedipus"? Will we? Guys? FRASSSSSSS
2- "Five Fifths of the Fringe-2007" This coming Monday we'll (And by "we'll", I mean "No Refunds") be performing at the Fringe Fundraiser @ the Southern with 4 other theatre companies. We've been given the last 5th of "The Wizard of Oz" to Kung-Fu (ck) up. Rehearsals for that beast have been up and down pour moi. (Feeling old, frassy, sore, and not very martial-artsy) ASIDES from all that, it'll be good times I'm sure. I think people are going to like what we do. Annnnnnd we have one rehearsal left before we are at go-time.
Eep.
3- "Kung Fu Hamlet" at Centennial High School, Circle Pines. Well, I got tapped to be a fight choreographer. There I said it. TLC obtained the rights, and I'm actually getting PAID to do this shite!?! Can you believe it? I'm putting together scene breakdowns, watching the tape (reviewing the tape? Isn't that what fighters do?) yadda yadda. I showed up to the school last night for a preliminary warm-up/fitness check. I got to explain the show and concept. Then I led the kids through a bunch of stretches, got a head count of who has previous martial arts experience (0, with the exception of a guy who did Tung So Doo 4 years ago. He's maaaaybe going to be our Hammy. We'll see.) teach them some basic stances/punches/kicks so that the director can see how they move. I talk to the kids about who can do kip-ups or aerials (0..but they seemed eager to learn) And we watched the movie.
I seem to be doing a lot of kung fu stuff. I might need to slip a "straight" play in one of these days. Most folks'll think I can't act unless someone is reading my lines off stage and I'm trying to punch Shinobi-wan in the throat...
And I rehearse almost Every. Single. Day.
ION:
Ry-gonn and I hit a T'Wolves game last Saturday where I ate way too much brat-age, french fry-age, and Miller Lite Beer-age out of plastic bottles. (Note to self: Bring your own flask and buy soda. At $7 a pop, those beers be expensive.) Dorajar and I have been frassin' over when and if we'll ever be able to take a vacation this year. (Current ideas are: Flying to Colorado, renting a car, and driving down through the Southwest, ala' 4 corners.) Still trying to do practice tests for my "6" and get my score up over 80% (I'm still down in the 60%ile) I've gone over to Redwrights for a couple of soaks, and I'm fixing to sneak over more often. Annnnnnnd, I need to do my frassin' taxes.
I hit a sushi lunch at Wasabi with buddies, and that night we ate an Early Easter Greek din-din at the Gardens of Salonica with ma and pa P. Easter itself was spent studying, and then hit Ma and Pa Dorajar's with X, Chenny, Pad, and G-ma. We ATE all day some wonderful nibbles and managed to polish off...(sigh) go with me: 3 magnums of Pinot Grigio and a couple of other bottles of wine. Oof.
Oh, and the big brother baby factory. That's pretty huge news too.
1- "GMIKFTH" has been chugging along for the last 3 weeks. The 'Ography is coming back, slowly but surely. I miss having cats like MD and RSvP in the show, but HE selfishly decided to up and make his wife preggers or something. Jerk. We're doing the same goofy s#it, albeit rehearsing in a smaller room with (I'm hoping) less broken glass ground into the floor. Actually...Have we rehearsed anything besides "Oedipus"? Will we? Guys? FRASSSSSSS
2- "Five Fifths of the Fringe-2007" This coming Monday we'll (And by "we'll", I mean "No Refunds") be performing at the Fringe Fundraiser @ the Southern with 4 other theatre companies. We've been given the last 5th of "The Wizard of Oz" to Kung-Fu (ck) up. Rehearsals for that beast have been up and down pour moi. (Feeling old, frassy, sore, and not very martial-artsy) ASIDES from all that, it'll be good times I'm sure. I think people are going to like what we do. Annnnnnd we have one rehearsal left before we are at go-time.
Eep.
3- "Kung Fu Hamlet" at Centennial High School, Circle Pines. Well, I got tapped to be a fight choreographer. There I said it. TLC obtained the rights, and I'm actually getting PAID to do this shite!?! Can you believe it? I'm putting together scene breakdowns, watching the tape (reviewing the tape? Isn't that what fighters do?) yadda yadda. I showed up to the school last night for a preliminary warm-up/fitness check. I got to explain the show and concept. Then I led the kids through a bunch of stretches, got a head count of who has previous martial arts experience (0, with the exception of a guy who did Tung So Doo 4 years ago. He's maaaaybe going to be our Hammy. We'll see.) teach them some basic stances/punches/kicks so that the director can see how they move. I talk to the kids about who can do kip-ups or aerials (0..but they seemed eager to learn) And we watched the movie.
I seem to be doing a lot of kung fu stuff. I might need to slip a "straight" play in one of these days. Most folks'll think I can't act unless someone is reading my lines off stage and I'm trying to punch Shinobi-wan in the throat...
And I rehearse almost Every. Single. Day.
ION:
Ry-gonn and I hit a T'Wolves game last Saturday where I ate way too much brat-age, french fry-age, and Miller Lite Beer-age out of plastic bottles. (Note to self: Bring your own flask and buy soda. At $7 a pop, those beers be expensive.) Dorajar and I have been frassin' over when and if we'll ever be able to take a vacation this year. (Current ideas are: Flying to Colorado, renting a car, and driving down through the Southwest, ala' 4 corners.) Still trying to do practice tests for my "6" and get my score up over 80% (I'm still down in the 60%ile) I've gone over to Redwrights for a couple of soaks, and I'm fixing to sneak over more often. Annnnnnnd, I need to do my frassin' taxes.
I hit a sushi lunch at Wasabi with buddies, and that night we ate an Early Easter Greek din-din at the Gardens of Salonica with ma and pa P. Easter itself was spent studying, and then hit Ma and Pa Dorajar's with X, Chenny, Pad, and G-ma. We ATE all day some wonderful nibbles and managed to polish off...(sigh) go with me: 3 magnums of Pinot Grigio and a couple of other bottles of wine. Oof.
Oh, and the big brother baby factory. That's pretty huge news too.
Yeah...busy pants
Hey. This is Zachary Ryan. (Heretofore known for the purposes of this blog as "Zerp") Born last Thursday, April 5th @ 2:23pm. 3.37 kgs. 52cm. Heeeeeeeee's a button! And I would have been completely remiss if I didn't post a picture of this handsome little man. Congratulations you two!
He's gonna be a great dad. And to all the aunties and uncles out there, I get it. I used to think it was such a strange and trivial thing when all the aunties and uncles I know got worked up about future nieces and nephews. It always struck me as sort of a guest-starring role in terms of child birth, with the wife and hubby taking center stage.
Nope.
I got myself super excited over that frassy, poopy baby. And since I don't have any goals for chitlins in the immediate future- I'll take him. He is beautiful, like mama and papa. Everyone who reads/lurks/etc. Do me a easy favor?
Cyber send them all your love.
Monday, April 02, 2007
Ugh
I...didn't sleep last night.
Wait, rewind.
Sunday was a day of rest. After a frassy Saturday (The afore-blogged foot injury) a great night at Mario's (Happy B'day Chowsie. Hope you didn't find yourself at the bottom of too many boots) moving onto another great b'day at Nye's (Ugh. I am glad I missed the vomtastic action behind us. Gross gross gross.) it was, in a few words...a long assed day.
So Sunday we slept, got up , studied for a while at Wilde Roast, and headed to the new Lunds to get some lunch/dinner (Thanks Dorajar's Mom for the gift card.) That new NE Lunds is pretty sweet too. No pay parking. Clean. Friendly staff (Like. Friendly friendly small town friendly.) An amazing deli (Including Mediterranean/Indian food area's) If it wasn't so cost-prohibitive I'd probably do a shite ton more shopping there. We headed back home for lunch and a nap where I had a s#itty dream that I lost my house to a new owner without prior knowledge. Yeah, I show up and this lady that looked kinda like Christine Baranski was putting a massage studio in my bedroom and putting up all of this faux rock/brick inlay where the hardwood was. I was pissed.
Afterwards, we hit a matinee of "300" (Which you should all. See. F#cking cool.) before heading home for dinner and another movie ("Little Miss Sunshine". Which you should all. See.)
Din-Din was devine: Fresh caught salmon, steamed rice w/lime & cilantro. Garlic rosemary bread. And spinach salad with a balsamic soy dressing. W/full bellies, we headed upstairs, watched the movie. And bed.
Which circles back to my first train of thought. I don't think I got more than an aggregate 2 hours sleep last night. I was suhWEATING bullets, and I'd switch between under the covers, above the covers (Dried, cooled off) then back under the covers (sswwwwwweat) and above the covers. 2:00 am (Okay, 3.5 hours. Plenty of rest.) 3:17am (Sighs..still 2+ hours) 4:30 a.m. (This isn't going to happen, is it?) 5:26 am (I bet I start to sleep, right about BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP)
Urf. So it was probably the rich late dinner which caused my metabolism to race like a demon, the nap earlier in the day, the diet coke during the movie (I was groggy before we sat down to watch it...and belching is fun)
Anyway, feeling out of body today. May post something appropriately rambly later. Urf.
Wait, rewind.
Sunday was a day of rest. After a frassy Saturday (The afore-blogged foot injury) a great night at Mario's (Happy B'day Chowsie. Hope you didn't find yourself at the bottom of too many boots) moving onto another great b'day at Nye's (Ugh. I am glad I missed the vomtastic action behind us. Gross gross gross.) it was, in a few words...a long assed day.
So Sunday we slept, got up , studied for a while at Wilde Roast, and headed to the new Lunds to get some lunch/dinner (Thanks Dorajar's Mom for the gift card.) That new NE Lunds is pretty sweet too. No pay parking. Clean. Friendly staff (Like. Friendly friendly small town friendly.) An amazing deli (Including Mediterranean/Indian food area's) If it wasn't so cost-prohibitive I'd probably do a shite ton more shopping there. We headed back home for lunch and a nap where I had a s#itty dream that I lost my house to a new owner without prior knowledge. Yeah, I show up and this lady that looked kinda like Christine Baranski was putting a massage studio in my bedroom and putting up all of this faux rock/brick inlay where the hardwood was. I was pissed.
Afterwards, we hit a matinee of "300" (Which you should all. See. F#cking cool.) before heading home for dinner and another movie ("Little Miss Sunshine". Which you should all. See.)
Din-Din was devine: Fresh caught salmon, steamed rice w/lime & cilantro. Garlic rosemary bread. And spinach salad with a balsamic soy dressing. W/full bellies, we headed upstairs, watched the movie. And bed.
Which circles back to my first train of thought. I don't think I got more than an aggregate 2 hours sleep last night. I was suhWEATING bullets, and I'd switch between under the covers, above the covers (Dried, cooled off) then back under the covers (sswwwwwweat) and above the covers. 2:00 am (Okay, 3.5 hours. Plenty of rest.) 3:17am (Sighs..still 2+ hours) 4:30 a.m. (This isn't going to happen, is it?) 5:26 am (I bet I start to sleep, right about BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP)
Urf. So it was probably the rich late dinner which caused my metabolism to race like a demon, the nap earlier in the day, the diet coke during the movie (I was groggy before we sat down to watch it...and belching is fun)
Anyway, feeling out of body today. May post something appropriately rambly later. Urf.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
It ain't a kung fu show unless I get hurt...
Quotes from todays rehearsal:
Masser D: "Well, it's supported by the text..." (A comment born from the fact that I suggested the trio attack the "great and powerful Oz" with a flurry of "Tornado Kicks"...Get it? Gah. Heathens. Watch the movie)
Chowsible: "Dude, I'm sorry. You get hurt in every single show we do"
In all fairness, I don't think I got hurt in "Pop-Top-Frassy-Banana-Hammock Fringe show" I may have hurt people's eyes when I careened off stage nearly nekkid...but I did okay otherwise.
That's right, folks. At 'hearsal today we managed to obtain the GTLChurches "Robby Room" that was vacant to do our lil' practice skit for "5/5th's O' Da Fringey". It's nice b/c it's bigger than the fireside room and gives a chance to do our thang. So we're frasseda frasseda frasseda frassing away the afternoon. Kickin' and punchin' and trying our bestest to be the creative types we pretend to be. I was gonna put my shoes on to run to the loo when I thought I first noticed blood on the hardwood.
Ok.
I came back and took my shoesies and socks off when I saw some on my sock when I thought...fuck. Figuring I could continue until I noticed I was...ahem..."leaving a trail"...I sat there sweating and looking at my foot for any possible signs of the source of the injury (Through the accumulation of grossness and dried...ichor.)
Here is where I should say that my unnatural weirdness towards germs comes in. I have a pretty high "ick factor", but when your brain starts thinking "Hey, this is the kids play room. Unswept. Probably crawling with cooties. And you have an open cut on your foot". Needless to say I found myself distracted. And upset that I allowed myself to distract myself from the rehearsal that we needed. (We do our thang in two weeks time) I thought if I put my shoes on and said "Hey. I got an owie. I'll be continuing with shoes" that would help shield my conscience and body from disease. It was only when I put pressure down on my foot that I realized the worst: There was something in the cut that was causing discomfort. (Not pain. I'm a tough mammie jam) And would need removal before we continued.
Our scene was about to start and I selfishly had to ask Herr Direcktor for a mo' to dig around the cut and find the irratible source. No easy feat b/c (A) I had just cut my nails and no one had a tweezers...well, to be fair Shinobi-wan offered a knife. And (B) it was covered in schmutz. Gross.
So the rest of the crew cleaned my foulness from the floor. (Sorry, Torch, if you're in there) while I delicately felt around my footsies for the source. It was found, in the form of an itty-bitty piece of glass/plastic that was no bigger than the tip of a pencil. I wiped my foot down as best I could. The rest of the group put their shoes on as well. And we continued until the end.
All told, I didn't feel as par as I could have. My 'ography felt stiff and "uncool". I, felt stiff and uncool. In my mind, I felt like I was going through the motions and was moving like a novice on their first day of their "30-day trial program" at (insert style of martial art here) instead of a guy who has been working on his style for almost a decade. (God, RSvP. I remember when you first said that about yourself. It sounds so big when you say "A decade") So, I was tired, self-loathable, frassy, and in need of de-bacterialising.
Tonight, I hope to be different. I'm going to Chowie's thing at the German Ba'. Then Melinite's thing at the Nordeast Old School Ba'. Then home. Then bed.
If my foot gets amputated...I hope they let me keep it.
ps: Um. There might be a chance that Robb the b-boy might not be able to do ONE night of "GMIKFTH". Iiiiiiii know you're going to be all dad-like and stuff, but I was wondering if the big bro could scam out of changing pampies for one night to, uh, sub in? IJS. Thought I'd ask in a public forum. HA!
pps: The wunnerful Dorajar got me a gift today, on a whim. A candle that smells like "my heritage"...Japanese Cherry Blossom. It smells amazing. And making me feel more Asian than I should. I love amazingly thoughtful and random gifts.
Happy Birthday Melinite!
(I originally posted "Melinte" which would have made for ver' funny!) Here's to the gal I first met (after initial C'board frass) at a Mu callback, who has one of THE BEST LAUGHS I have ever heard, and an unbridled appreciation for dim sum. In short, even though she's half Martian and not half Chinese...she's a terrific lady
I love you, and many happy returns!
XOXOXOXOX
I kid. She actually is of the Asian decent. And Martian. A bonus b/c she has tentacles to sick on the last piece of Chinese broccoli. We'll see you tonight, love.
I love you, and many happy returns!
XOXOXOXOX
I kid. She actually is of the Asian decent. And Martian. A bonus b/c she has tentacles to sick on the last piece of Chinese broccoli. We'll see you tonight, love.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Hurry up already!
So my "SiL" is due. Big time dueski and hutch. Her "date" (Emphasis on the flexibility) was today. I know, I know...the stork can be a fickle fig. But I wanna know already. Niece? Nephew? Niecphew?
Anyway, more to come from Uncle P.
Getting impatient here. ; )
Anyway, more to come from Uncle P.
Getting impatient here. ; )
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Why I shouldn't be allowed to house sit...
So Portana and Tech are hitched, and Dorajar and I house/dog sat out in the sticks. Way, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out in the sticks. Sea of beige and all that. Before their arrival, I left the usual note letting them know how the week went. (Rather, I left a shorter note saying I'd email since my handwriting is gawdawful) After typing the email, I decided to send another email as a sort of direct response to some of the instructions they had left regarding the puppies/house in general. Way tongue in cheek, this is what I do with my time when I'm not studying. Way. I present you with...our week in Rosemount: *(Some additions have been made after the fact, as those funny lil' ideas kept popping in there)
Portana-
First off, my heartiest congratulations on your new life! Marriage. Wow. That's just...great. Anyhey...even though you're all married and stuff, and probably have some really great trip stories I suppose you are anxious to hear all about our week housesitting. Great.
Well, first off Dorajar and I arrived without a hitch. Granted, we pulled into the wrong house and walked in on a family having dinner...but they quickly corrected us. So friendly! We let the dogs in and scamper around for a bit, realizing after a half an hour or so that you didn't want muddy paws tracking. Dang! Well, by then they were pretty clean so we just let them shake out the remaining crusties. So much easier than a bath, lemme tell ya!
The week was pretty uninteresting. Dogs in, dogs out. By Monday, we decided to play a game called "Lets try on Portana and Tech's clothes and see if we can fool the neighbors and townsfolk!" Was that ever a qualified success! Sure, he's a good deal taller than I am, but I was able to "peg" his pants to the appropriate length. So freeing, the 80's "pegged" jeans. I'm bringing that one back for sure.
While wearing your clothes, we'd happen into shops along scenic sunny Cty Rd. 42. Dialogue would ensue, such as "Hi, I'm Tech. Durpa durpa do. I work with computers. Process codes, HittlMil HittMil, Jooba Jooba...cray. Did you know that "Cray" puts the "Gay" in computers? Well, have a gay Cray Day, Mr. Eddie Chengs employee!" They fell in love with us all over. I called up Cray and said that I was Tech and was quitting to work at the Apple Valley and Rosemount Caribou coffee (As a double, please. I need the money. And they are so CLOSE to each other on Cty. Rd. 42, how could I not?)
We had EVERYone fooled. Even your neighbors. Sure, they were suspect at first...but after a bit of impersonation, they were bamboozled! One of the neighborhood kids, let's call him "Enrique", even said..."I know you aren't the real Tech and Portana, but if I could have anything in the world...even more than the new kidney transplant I'm supposed to receive? It'd be having you...Tech and Portana 2.0, as my new neighbors....I...I...love you. Don't ever leave me. Please." Well, what do you say about something like that? So, I gave him $5 and told him to run around in a circle in his back yard for 20 minutes while Dorajar and I cleared our consciouses over another bottle of wine.
Also, if we get any packages could you please forward those on? We had a dickens of a time running credit card numbers when our signatures didn't match yours so it'd be super helpful if you could do that. Thanks.
I suppose you're more curious about your kids? Well, we had fun. I felt kind of bad about leaving them outside during the day so I locked them inside. Don't worry, I ratcheted the heat up to 85 degree's in order to better simulate their natural environment. AND I made sure to leave the lights on all over to conquer Sammy's fear of the dark. (Which was probably born after Mo and I locked her in the closet our first night. What do we know? We don't have dogs! We thought her whining was because she wanted a towel!) In order to better take care of them, we made sure they slept lovingly between us. When your Automatic thermostat dropped the temps at night, they sure did keep us warm!
Dorajar and I made up this fun game called "Let's see how fast we can get the doggies in from the rain and into bed with us!" They would usually win, but don't worry about a mess! The time it'd take to get them up the deck stairs and in the house would be PLENTY of time to dry. Sometimes. We were able to brainwash those dirty bastards through a combination of calling each other by your names, and dog roofies. Sold at a local Petsmart. Don't worry, Sammy's stomach was fine. In fact, she's been lying in the same position behind the chair for the last 5 days. Seriously, hasn't moved. It's kinda weird. Likes she's waiting for her close up or something. And I knoooow you said not to feed them human food, but Bogey was so joyful over "burrito night". That dog can put away some frijoles negroes, lemme tell you! (Oh, we were letting those spots air out a bit. They should be good and dry by the time you get home)
So the computer. Well, I know that you didn't want it shut off Nic...but the whine from your system was just too much to bear...so I put it in the tub. Oh, if you happen to find any websites that have "Teen", "Sexy Senior", "Shaved", or "Midget Pumpers"? That was Dorajar. I did my best to insert a magnet into the hard drive in order to clean that up.
Lastly the house. Man, this place is GREAT! I didn't know that your treadmill had a water holder...Moreover, I didn't know that it couldn't hold a martini glass. So if you use it, you might want to wear shoes. I'm not too sure how much glass was actually ground in the track. Oh, and I tried to use a steak knife to start Tech's Fatboy to no avail. So, we took naked pics sitting astride it. Look forward to Christmas cards, 2007! I hope you don't mind either, but as for the nudity we do insist on sleeping nude. And so as to not waste your water, we decided NOT to shower while we were here. Weird. Dorajar, however, did use your razor to "dry shave" her legs. That was fine. She had a couple of bumps that were from previous nicks that hadn't quite healed yet, but they were quickly dried off with your towels.
Did you know that condoms don't flush very well? SPEAKING of which, in order to save water, Dorajar and I played another game called "Let's see how long we can use the toilet before flushing!". (Don't mean to brag, but I usually won. Sure, I'd cheat and use the shower or bathtub but come ON! That was a really gross game. Oh, and if you see any refuse...you might wanna flush twice. IJS)
That's about all I can think of. I hope you both had a great time and It'll be wonderful to see you both as hubby and wife. If you find a dime sack anywhere you can keep it. I was worried that one of the dogs might've ate my weed but I think it was just misplaced behind the Tumeric. I was too lazy to check.
Warmest regards!
Baby P
Portana-
First off, my heartiest congratulations on your new life! Marriage. Wow. That's just...great. Anyhey...even though you're all married and stuff, and probably have some really great trip stories I suppose you are anxious to hear all about our week housesitting. Great.
Well, first off Dorajar and I arrived without a hitch. Granted, we pulled into the wrong house and walked in on a family having dinner...but they quickly corrected us. So friendly! We let the dogs in and scamper around for a bit, realizing after a half an hour or so that you didn't want muddy paws tracking. Dang! Well, by then they were pretty clean so we just let them shake out the remaining crusties. So much easier than a bath, lemme tell ya!
The week was pretty uninteresting. Dogs in, dogs out. By Monday, we decided to play a game called "Lets try on Portana and Tech's clothes and see if we can fool the neighbors and townsfolk!" Was that ever a qualified success! Sure, he's a good deal taller than I am, but I was able to "peg" his pants to the appropriate length. So freeing, the 80's "pegged" jeans. I'm bringing that one back for sure.
While wearing your clothes, we'd happen into shops along scenic sunny Cty Rd. 42. Dialogue would ensue, such as "Hi, I'm Tech. Durpa durpa do. I work with computers. Process codes, HittlMil HittMil, Jooba Jooba...cray. Did you know that "Cray" puts the "Gay" in computers? Well, have a gay Cray Day, Mr. Eddie Chengs employee!" They fell in love with us all over. I called up Cray and said that I was Tech and was quitting to work at the Apple Valley and Rosemount Caribou coffee (As a double, please. I need the money. And they are so CLOSE to each other on Cty. Rd. 42, how could I not?)
We had EVERYone fooled. Even your neighbors. Sure, they were suspect at first...but after a bit of impersonation, they were bamboozled! One of the neighborhood kids, let's call him "Enrique", even said..."I know you aren't the real Tech and Portana, but if I could have anything in the world...even more than the new kidney transplant I'm supposed to receive? It'd be having you...Tech and Portana 2.0, as my new neighbors....I...I...love you. Don't ever leave me. Please." Well, what do you say about something like that? So, I gave him $5 and told him to run around in a circle in his back yard for 20 minutes while Dorajar and I cleared our consciouses over another bottle of wine.
Also, if we get any packages could you please forward those on? We had a dickens of a time running credit card numbers when our signatures didn't match yours so it'd be super helpful if you could do that. Thanks.
I suppose you're more curious about your kids? Well, we had fun. I felt kind of bad about leaving them outside during the day so I locked them inside. Don't worry, I ratcheted the heat up to 85 degree's in order to better simulate their natural environment. AND I made sure to leave the lights on all over to conquer Sammy's fear of the dark. (Which was probably born after Mo and I locked her in the closet our first night. What do we know? We don't have dogs! We thought her whining was because she wanted a towel!) In order to better take care of them, we made sure they slept lovingly between us. When your Automatic thermostat dropped the temps at night, they sure did keep us warm!
Dorajar and I made up this fun game called "Let's see how fast we can get the doggies in from the rain and into bed with us!" They would usually win, but don't worry about a mess! The time it'd take to get them up the deck stairs and in the house would be PLENTY of time to dry. Sometimes. We were able to brainwash those dirty bastards through a combination of calling each other by your names, and dog roofies. Sold at a local Petsmart. Don't worry, Sammy's stomach was fine. In fact, she's been lying in the same position behind the chair for the last 5 days. Seriously, hasn't moved. It's kinda weird. Likes she's waiting for her close up or something. And I knoooow you said not to feed them human food, but Bogey was so joyful over "burrito night". That dog can put away some frijoles negroes, lemme tell you! (Oh, we were letting those spots air out a bit. They should be good and dry by the time you get home)
So the computer. Well, I know that you didn't want it shut off Nic...but the whine from your system was just too much to bear...so I put it in the tub. Oh, if you happen to find any websites that have "Teen", "Sexy Senior", "Shaved", or "Midget Pumpers"? That was Dorajar. I did my best to insert a magnet into the hard drive in order to clean that up.
Lastly the house. Man, this place is GREAT! I didn't know that your treadmill had a water holder...Moreover, I didn't know that it couldn't hold a martini glass. So if you use it, you might want to wear shoes. I'm not too sure how much glass was actually ground in the track. Oh, and I tried to use a steak knife to start Tech's Fatboy to no avail. So, we took naked pics sitting astride it. Look forward to Christmas cards, 2007! I hope you don't mind either, but as for the nudity we do insist on sleeping nude. And so as to not waste your water, we decided NOT to shower while we were here. Weird. Dorajar, however, did use your razor to "dry shave" her legs. That was fine. She had a couple of bumps that were from previous nicks that hadn't quite healed yet, but they were quickly dried off with your towels.
Did you know that condoms don't flush very well? SPEAKING of which, in order to save water, Dorajar and I played another game called "Let's see how long we can use the toilet before flushing!". (Don't mean to brag, but I usually won. Sure, I'd cheat and use the shower or bathtub but come ON! That was a really gross game. Oh, and if you see any refuse...you might wanna flush twice. IJS)
That's about all I can think of. I hope you both had a great time and It'll be wonderful to see you both as hubby and wife. If you find a dime sack anywhere you can keep it. I was worried that one of the dogs might've ate my weed but I think it was just misplaced behind the Tumeric. I was too lazy to check.
Warmest regards!
Baby P
Friday, March 23, 2007
Age 12 revisited...
The a.m. conversation. Overheard at "The Coffee Kiosk". Little old woman from Mutual Funds and her little buddy. Both being very eco-consious, they brought their own silver and black coffee mugs to have them filled.
I'm distracted, concocting the perfect cream/sugar mix and so my back is to them. Got the visual?
Cashier: "Oooooooo, yours is bigger than his"
Lady: "Oh, not by much. Mines long and skinnier and his is a little shorter but thicker around"
Cashier: "Well I guess your right. Is that good? Did I get it all in there?"
Lady: "Oh yes. I think you filled it up"
I might be "in a mood", as the case may be (When am I ever really not?) But I really can't make this s#it up.
I'm distracted, concocting the perfect cream/sugar mix and so my back is to them. Got the visual?
Cashier: "Oooooooo, yours is bigger than his"
Lady: "Oh, not by much. Mines long and skinnier and his is a little shorter but thicker around"
Cashier: "Well I guess your right. Is that good? Did I get it all in there?"
Lady: "Oh yes. I think you filled it up"
I might be "in a mood", as the case may be (When am I ever really not?) But I really can't make this s#it up.
I would probably be completely remiss...
Completely, if I didn't offer congratulations/peace/love to one Miz (now "Mrs.") PORTANA! She and are down in May-hee-co eloping away on a cruise ship, whilst I house sit out in the sticks and watch over their frassy dogs.
The very best to you both guys! You deserve it!
(And Mo and I are eating all of your food. BUH WAH HA HA HA HA!!!)
The very best to you both guys! You deserve it!
(And Mo and I are eating all of your food. BUH WAH HA HA HA HA!!!)
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Too funny not to post...
Except that it loses it's impact a bit when it isn't catching your eye on the front of a newspaper in the breakroom during training:
http://www.startribune.com/467/story/1068703.html
Cockfighting...btw. I regressed to age 10.
http://www.startribune.com/467/story/1068703.html
Cockfighting...btw. I regressed to age 10.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
'Cause I think it's funny
This was a meme I answered on the board of call. I was in rare form (By rare form I meant "I spent a couple of hours in a hot tub last night with a couple of glasses of boxed Chard so I woke up a flibbertygibbet) Annnnyway, it's tongue in cheek. As most of my responses to these things tend to be. I have a particular aversion to stupid sounding questions, so I wrote it with a smidgen of earnestness and a dollop of misanthropy to boot. So, here's my Myspace QOD. With apologies for typo's- I give you...the question Thirty Three
33. There's a hottie across the room. How do you get his/her attention?
A “hottie”? Who wrote this? Some High School tool? Jeez louise and double the cheese, this question has zero panache or moxie. Do you expect to ever meet someone using that archaic language? Or get laid? (since clearly your motive has been established by your lack of respect toward the individual whose attention you hope to obtain. You’ve already reduced them to a “thing”. Do you want to come across as a serial killer Mr. or Ms. Gein? Didn’t think so.)
You have got, to take, your time. Patience, brushfire. File those stupid ass lines in your mental Douche-a-dex, and settle down. Okay? First of all, if you feel able to- introduce yourself and be bold. Have they made eye contact? Does there seem to be a sense of mutual attraction? If yes, you can proceed to step two- Find a way to be in a similar room together. At a party, this can be the kitchen. DO NOT try to do this in the loo. You will increase your creepy Oompa Loompa factor by 10. (Unless, you know, they’re into that sort of thing. Far be it from me to judge) Or, if you haven’t already, introduce yourself (No, I repeat, NO aliases. You ain’t Bond) When they say their name, repeat it back to them “Hi ____”. Shake hands…wait! Stop staring at the crotch/tits/whatever. MAKE EYE CONTACT. Holy balls you can’t get your frassin’ mind out of the gutter!
Okay, so talk. Ask questions about them. Not lame oh shit, like “Sooooooo, do you like…stuff?”. Who are you here with? What do you do when you aren’t imbibing in mom and dads basement (Note to all: I’m wearing my misanthropy thinly today, and have made an arbitrary decision that this party is at someone’s parents, or in a rented houses basement) Sometimes boldness works in this case. If they really are the most beautiful person you’ve seen, is it awful to say so? (And NOT “You’re soooo the hottest person HERE”…just say it in a general sense. Or compliment them on something they’re wearing/feature. Avoid the naughty bits, ya perv)
Have you guys actually read this far? Damn…
Don’t be presumptious and sidle up on the couch. Give’em space. Ask if you may sit. Be polite. Please, Thank you…all that fun stuff. Act interested. (At this point, if you’ve lost interest there is nothing wrong with exiting the conversation, feigning a cell phone call, or jumping out a window. Take your pick) If things progress and it seems everything is honky dorey, ask if they’d like to go out for coffee some time. (NOT drinks/dinner. Number one, that’s MEGA presumptious, and two…what if they’re a teetotaler? Coffee/Tea says you’re interested in getting to know more. Booze says “I’mmmmm really only interested in screwability at this point.” ) Okay. Make sense? Barring all of that, slip a coupla roof-roofs in their drink when they aren’t looking. (Or pour the remaining contents of your drink into theirs…Oooooooo that was for you Alisa) Easy as pie.
Disclaimer, and this is especially for all the crazy new members/lurkers: I don’t actually endorse the use of roofies at all. I wouldn’t know a roofie from a childrens Tylenol.
Secondly (And this is even more hyperbolish bullshit) Actual results may vary from person to person. Results from yours truly are clinical in nature, and have in no way completed a successful coupling. Actual outcomes are weighed on a case by case basis. See your store for details. Before engaging in said roofie, bear in mind that certain sexual side effects may occur, including dizziness, nausea, drowsiness, itching, chafing, cursing, blindness, if you are male then your wee-wee may fall of in the john when you go, in women-you may end up growing a new set of tatties where your shoulder blades are. If you’ve read this far, I commend you…and encourage you to get back to work. If this works for you, let a man know via PM. It’d make for a hella good story.
33. There's a hottie across the room. How do you get his/her attention?
A “hottie”? Who wrote this? Some High School tool? Jeez louise and double the cheese, this question has zero panache or moxie. Do you expect to ever meet someone using that archaic language? Or get laid? (since clearly your motive has been established by your lack of respect toward the individual whose attention you hope to obtain. You’ve already reduced them to a “thing”. Do you want to come across as a serial killer Mr. or Ms. Gein? Didn’t think so.)
You have got, to take, your time. Patience, brushfire. File those stupid ass lines in your mental Douche-a-dex, and settle down. Okay? First of all, if you feel able to- introduce yourself and be bold. Have they made eye contact? Does there seem to be a sense of mutual attraction? If yes, you can proceed to step two- Find a way to be in a similar room together. At a party, this can be the kitchen. DO NOT try to do this in the loo. You will increase your creepy Oompa Loompa factor by 10. (Unless, you know, they’re into that sort of thing. Far be it from me to judge) Or, if you haven’t already, introduce yourself (No, I repeat, NO aliases. You ain’t Bond) When they say their name, repeat it back to them “Hi ____”. Shake hands…wait! Stop staring at the crotch/tits/whatever. MAKE EYE CONTACT. Holy balls you can’t get your frassin’ mind out of the gutter!
Okay, so talk. Ask questions about them. Not lame oh shit, like “Sooooooo, do you like…stuff?”. Who are you here with? What do you do when you aren’t imbibing in mom and dads basement (Note to all: I’m wearing my misanthropy thinly today, and have made an arbitrary decision that this party is at someone’s parents, or in a rented houses basement) Sometimes boldness works in this case. If they really are the most beautiful person you’ve seen, is it awful to say so? (And NOT “You’re soooo the hottest person HERE”…just say it in a general sense. Or compliment them on something they’re wearing/feature. Avoid the naughty bits, ya perv)
Have you guys actually read this far? Damn…
Don’t be presumptious and sidle up on the couch. Give’em space. Ask if you may sit. Be polite. Please, Thank you…all that fun stuff. Act interested. (At this point, if you’ve lost interest there is nothing wrong with exiting the conversation, feigning a cell phone call, or jumping out a window. Take your pick) If things progress and it seems everything is honky dorey, ask if they’d like to go out for coffee some time. (NOT drinks/dinner. Number one, that’s MEGA presumptious, and two…what if they’re a teetotaler? Coffee/Tea says you’re interested in getting to know more. Booze says “I’mmmmm really only interested in screwability at this point.” ) Okay. Make sense? Barring all of that, slip a coupla roof-roofs in their drink when they aren’t looking. (Or pour the remaining contents of your drink into theirs…Oooooooo that was for you Alisa) Easy as pie.
Disclaimer, and this is especially for all the crazy new members/lurkers: I don’t actually endorse the use of roofies at all. I wouldn’t know a roofie from a childrens Tylenol.
Secondly (And this is even more hyperbolish bullshit) Actual results may vary from person to person. Results from yours truly are clinical in nature, and have in no way completed a successful coupling. Actual outcomes are weighed on a case by case basis. See your store for details. Before engaging in said roofie, bear in mind that certain sexual side effects may occur, including dizziness, nausea, drowsiness, itching, chafing, cursing, blindness, if you are male then your wee-wee may fall of in the john when you go, in women-you may end up growing a new set of tatties where your shoulder blades are. If you’ve read this far, I commend you…and encourage you to get back to work. If this works for you, let a man know via PM. It’d make for a hella good story.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
T-Shirts I've found...that make me smile
Seriously...There were so many more, I almost couldn't stop. And you can probably find any (Birthday, X-mas, Half-birthday) type gift for me here:
80stees.com
Now, I know that I don't need a Cobra Kai or Thundercats belt buckle. That don't mean that it isn't a necessity...
Friday, March 02, 2007
My heroes have always been strangers...
Attention...
Someone fashioned a large p#nis and testicles around a tree somewhere between St. Anthony Pkwy and 37th Ave NE on Central Ave. I crap you negative, I'm driving to the bank when out of my peripheral vision I spy with my little eye the snow pushed up cylindrically around a smallish tree-trunk and a bulbous area at the top. At the base (Well, where the snow berm is) were two huge snow balls. This would have all gone unnoticed by yours truly, dismissing it as just snow-plow fodder except...
The person spraypainted the darn thing pink.
If you live in, or around the NE Mipples/Columbia Heights area and can catch it before night fall...do. I almost ran off the road laughing. And wanted to kick myself for losing my cell phone.
That is all.
(Quick edit: After returning from class on Saturday, I brought a camera with and managed to snap a picture that is liable to look like nothing to the normal view. Sufficed to say, the balls had tree branch hairs sticking out of it to give the appearance of "hairs"...Seriously, I can't make this up.)
Someone fashioned a large p#nis and testicles around a tree somewhere between St. Anthony Pkwy and 37th Ave NE on Central Ave. I crap you negative, I'm driving to the bank when out of my peripheral vision I spy with my little eye the snow pushed up cylindrically around a smallish tree-trunk and a bulbous area at the top. At the base (Well, where the snow berm is) were two huge snow balls. This would have all gone unnoticed by yours truly, dismissing it as just snow-plow fodder except...
The person spraypainted the darn thing pink.
If you live in, or around the NE Mipples/Columbia Heights area and can catch it before night fall...do. I almost ran off the road laughing. And wanted to kick myself for losing my cell phone.
That is all.
(Quick edit: After returning from class on Saturday, I brought a camera with and managed to snap a picture that is liable to look like nothing to the normal view. Sufficed to say, the balls had tree branch hairs sticking out of it to give the appearance of "hairs"...Seriously, I can't make this up.)
Bill Murray has accepted my friendship on "Mystalker"...I can die happy now.
"Yes, your honor...it's true. This man has no dick"
ION. I'm home. After close to a 85 minute commute from Woodbury, I stayed in. I shovelled my front 3 times. (Once "full out". The other two were just to make foot paths to my car) I went to bed early. Got up uber-early. Called the ol' workski "weather line" that said "WE OPEN!", and promptly thought to myself: "F#ck the hell outta you". And called in. After lying in bed dreaming about work costume parties where I'm wearing the camo-pants from "KFH", and having them tear open for some reason, revealing everything up to my underpants. I'm sent home from work, but ultimately get stuck in my car. Cold winter air blowing into my torn trousers. And I'm craving a bloody mary. I woke up to my roommate POUNDING on my door saying "SNOW EMERGENCY IN 10 MINUTES! YOU'RE GONNA WANNA MOVE YOUR CAR!!!"
Grumble.
So we go out and shovel around our vehicles, RE-shovel the walk (4x's now) which has accumulated another 10 inches overnight. Help a few poor people get "un-stuck" (Seriously folks...ROCK your car. Don't just put it in drive and try to go. It won't. Work.) And shovel another section of snow on the "odd" side of the straSSe in order to park my car so that it doesn't find herself stuck as well.
Karma Boo-Foo'ed me when I got undressed out of my wet and snowy duds. I was running upstairs when BOOM hit my left foot on something and when I looked down ("Damn...I have hairy toes!") and I was bleeding like a sieve. After warshing it off, I somehow managed to take a chunk out of the top of my middle toe- So after trimming the superfluous...um, skin. (Sorry) and coating it with liquid skin?
Heck, I feel like a new man!
No plans this weekend outside studying. Y'all should stay inside if you can. This weather is re-dick.
xo
"Yes, your honor...it's true. This man has no dick"
ION. I'm home. After close to a 85 minute commute from Woodbury, I stayed in. I shovelled my front 3 times. (Once "full out". The other two were just to make foot paths to my car) I went to bed early. Got up uber-early. Called the ol' workski "weather line" that said "WE OPEN!", and promptly thought to myself: "F#ck the hell outta you". And called in. After lying in bed dreaming about work costume parties where I'm wearing the camo-pants from "KFH", and having them tear open for some reason, revealing everything up to my underpants. I'm sent home from work, but ultimately get stuck in my car. Cold winter air blowing into my torn trousers. And I'm craving a bloody mary. I woke up to my roommate POUNDING on my door saying "SNOW EMERGENCY IN 10 MINUTES! YOU'RE GONNA WANNA MOVE YOUR CAR!!!"
Grumble.
So we go out and shovel around our vehicles, RE-shovel the walk (4x's now) which has accumulated another 10 inches overnight. Help a few poor people get "un-stuck" (Seriously folks...ROCK your car. Don't just put it in drive and try to go. It won't. Work.) And shovel another section of snow on the "odd" side of the straSSe in order to park my car so that it doesn't find herself stuck as well.
Karma Boo-Foo'ed me when I got undressed out of my wet and snowy duds. I was running upstairs when BOOM hit my left foot on something and when I looked down ("Damn...I have hairy toes!") and I was bleeding like a sieve. After warshing it off, I somehow managed to take a chunk out of the top of my middle toe- So after trimming the superfluous...um, skin. (Sorry) and coating it with liquid skin?
Heck, I feel like a new man!
No plans this weekend outside studying. Y'all should stay inside if you can. This weather is re-dick.
xo
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Not so maudlyn...
Since my whiney mcBitcherson last post had a tinge of frass, I thought I'd leave you with a Tuesday smile...I give you: Georgie airing out his balls, Oscar night 2007.
Sometimes...he just...does this.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Painfully embarrassed...
So...
I'm sitting here typing in pain. Sore. And sore-er than when I was heaving cement last summer. About the same, but a smidge worse. Like, if I heaved cement...went to sparring...and RSvP lands a nice solid round kick below my rib guard in my floating rib. Sore.
My gal was frassin' up in the Cloud of Saintliness, and I had a chance to go to a CB gathering at Davey's with a Hawaiian Luau theme. I had it all. Recently purchased Hawaiian shirt (Me, of all people. Hawaiian Shirtless.) Booze. A full tummy. Swim Trunks for the hot tub. All adding up to a good time in my estimates.
And it was, to be sure. People were frassin'. I was my old obnoxious self. I made a few party fouls (Cursing a bit, when there were little munchkins present. Talking over folks, per normal. Being bossy. Throwing snowballs at poor BWJ like I'm the high school bully) By 1am I was loopy, and ready for bed time. (Not the 25 year old spring chicken, and soaking for a goodly amount of time while imbibing made for a sleepy buzzy P ) The hostess acknowledged as much and despite my stupid protests I knew she was right. And I felt better for being smart.
There was also our state High School Tournament blizzard that rolled in on Sats. So, we already had over10 inches of snow on the ground by that point.
When I had determined myself fit for driving an hour later, I headed out to brave the elements hoping to spend the night in my own warm (Albeit girlfriend-less...sniff...) bed.
Everything was fine for the first, oh, 2 blocks. Then I got myself stuck. Stuck stuck. At 2 am.
Some folks were walking and tried to help. After they left, I managed to creep 20 more feet and wedge myself perpindicular to the street. I got out, tried pushing from behind, then from my door. When I slipped and landed face first-well, my knee, palm, and elbow kept me from landing on my forehead. Well, I began to despair a bit. I finally (After managing to nearly fry my transmission and brakes trying to "rock" myself free 20 times) pulled into what I thought was a church parking lot and gave up. Knowing I was only 2 blocks away and grateful I wore longjohns, deep weather clothes, and my Sorel's- I decided to head back. The streets and sidewalks were drifting, and due to a thigh-Deep drift and a strong gust of wind I went down again. And after feeling this weather was better suited for Anne Bancroft and a team of huskies I made it back and they graciously let me crash.
I woke up with various lil knicks and owies. And a nice abrasion on my lip that looked like a herpe. After BKFST I noticed that my phone was no where to be found when I went to call my fam and Dorajar to let them know my whereabouts. We all went out to shovel out our hosts driveway before departing for my car. On the way, we stopped to help 3 or 4 stuckies as we came across them. Pushing caddies uphills. Shovelling with the extra shovels we threw in his truck. It was cathartic, but tiring. By the time we hit my car I realized that it wasn't a school or church, but an apartment with private driveway I'd hobbled into. We jumped out to shovel me out, and were joined by another neighborhood samaratin who'd been shovelling out his neighbors. I was so anxious to get in my car and get home that I left my man-purse in his car.
Still...no cell phone.
At home, the plows had came (And, cough cough. Bless the Nordeast Mipple plowers who'd cleared TONS more street space than the South Mipples fella's) However, there was a 2 foot berm on the West side blocking any attempt to park. So, I turned on my blinkers...went in and grabbed a shovel, and cleared a heavy...icy section that would just fit my car. By the time I got in my house I was sweating...quiet...and torqued that I had lost my phone. After calling ma and Dora, I reflected before going back out to finish shovelling out around my car. More heavy. Even being "back safe" it was some heavy frass. (*To his credit, Jellybean had been shovelling the walk periodically throughout the night and morning. His trips to shovel were little "pushing bouts" as he called them to keep the work down)
I took a hot shower, and waited for Dorajar to come over from the Cloud.
Instead of the normal routine on Oscars to go to a kick-ass and fun party, we stayed in with the Bean and Georgie. I took a high dose painkiller while sitting on the couch and drooling over my Indian food. And passed out when it was done. Today? I had that hateful, groggy, hazy, post-painkiller frame of mind that made the a.m. feel like an out of body experience.
And it hurts to breath. A lot.
So, there it is. If you know my cell # and want to reach me, I'm at home now. ("I can only be reached on my land-line, Tank") I need a new phone. And body. Ouch.
I'm actually glad that it's Monday.
I'm sitting here typing in pain. Sore. And sore-er than when I was heaving cement last summer. About the same, but a smidge worse. Like, if I heaved cement...went to sparring...and RSvP lands a nice solid round kick below my rib guard in my floating rib. Sore.
My gal was frassin' up in the Cloud of Saintliness, and I had a chance to go to a CB gathering at Davey's with a Hawaiian Luau theme. I had it all. Recently purchased Hawaiian shirt (Me, of all people. Hawaiian Shirtless.) Booze. A full tummy. Swim Trunks for the hot tub. All adding up to a good time in my estimates.
And it was, to be sure. People were frassin'. I was my old obnoxious self. I made a few party fouls (Cursing a bit, when there were little munchkins present. Talking over folks, per normal. Being bossy. Throwing snowballs at poor BWJ like I'm the high school bully) By 1am I was loopy, and ready for bed time. (Not the 25 year old spring chicken, and soaking for a goodly amount of time while imbibing made for a sleepy buzzy P ) The hostess acknowledged as much and despite my stupid protests I knew she was right. And I felt better for being smart.
There was also our state High School Tournament blizzard that rolled in on Sats. So, we already had over10 inches of snow on the ground by that point.
When I had determined myself fit for driving an hour later, I headed out to brave the elements hoping to spend the night in my own warm (Albeit girlfriend-less...sniff...) bed.
Everything was fine for the first, oh, 2 blocks. Then I got myself stuck. Stuck stuck. At 2 am.
Some folks were walking and tried to help. After they left, I managed to creep 20 more feet and wedge myself perpindicular to the street. I got out, tried pushing from behind, then from my door. When I slipped and landed face first-well, my knee, palm, and elbow kept me from landing on my forehead. Well, I began to despair a bit. I finally (After managing to nearly fry my transmission and brakes trying to "rock" myself free 20 times) pulled into what I thought was a church parking lot and gave up. Knowing I was only 2 blocks away and grateful I wore longjohns, deep weather clothes, and my Sorel's- I decided to head back. The streets and sidewalks were drifting, and due to a thigh-Deep drift and a strong gust of wind I went down again. And after feeling this weather was better suited for Anne Bancroft and a team of huskies I made it back and they graciously let me crash.
I woke up with various lil knicks and owies. And a nice abrasion on my lip that looked like a herpe. After BKFST I noticed that my phone was no where to be found when I went to call my fam and Dorajar to let them know my whereabouts. We all went out to shovel out our hosts driveway before departing for my car. On the way, we stopped to help 3 or 4 stuckies as we came across them. Pushing caddies uphills. Shovelling with the extra shovels we threw in his truck. It was cathartic, but tiring. By the time we hit my car I realized that it wasn't a school or church, but an apartment with private driveway I'd hobbled into. We jumped out to shovel me out, and were joined by another neighborhood samaratin who'd been shovelling out his neighbors. I was so anxious to get in my car and get home that I left my man-purse in his car.
Still...no cell phone.
At home, the plows had came (And, cough cough. Bless the Nordeast Mipple plowers who'd cleared TONS more street space than the South Mipples fella's) However, there was a 2 foot berm on the West side blocking any attempt to park. So, I turned on my blinkers...went in and grabbed a shovel, and cleared a heavy...icy section that would just fit my car. By the time I got in my house I was sweating...quiet...and torqued that I had lost my phone. After calling ma and Dora, I reflected before going back out to finish shovelling out around my car. More heavy. Even being "back safe" it was some heavy frass. (*To his credit, Jellybean had been shovelling the walk periodically throughout the night and morning. His trips to shovel were little "pushing bouts" as he called them to keep the work down)
I took a hot shower, and waited for Dorajar to come over from the Cloud.
Instead of the normal routine on Oscars to go to a kick-ass and fun party, we stayed in with the Bean and Georgie. I took a high dose painkiller while sitting on the couch and drooling over my Indian food. And passed out when it was done. Today? I had that hateful, groggy, hazy, post-painkiller frame of mind that made the a.m. feel like an out of body experience.
And it hurts to breath. A lot.
So, there it is. If you know my cell # and want to reach me, I'm at home now. ("I can only be reached on my land-line, Tank") I need a new phone. And body. Ouch.
I'm actually glad that it's Monday.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Wait, no, what?
Waiting for the ol' frassy scramblers to get cooking. You know, it looks like a lot of "Better'N Eggs" in there...and by the amount that poured out, it is. But one lil' box only techhhhnically has240 calories in it. And that, my friends, is certainly not enough in the "most important meal of the day" category to sustain a healthy growing boy.
Toast. Definitely adding toast.
Man, this day of days is gonna suck balls. The weather looks for shite, and I just wanna stay in for a long lie down.
Last night I went out to meet Tech and Portana's "kids" so they wouldn't try tearing my nuts off when I first show up to house sit. (Thanks for the food, lady. Sorry I ate it all. I was a hungry hippo) I got my ass lost driving around scenic Mount Rose, and it wasn't long before I noticed that (A) I was low on petrol and (B) I hadn't the foggiest notion of where the fuck I was going. Scay-Ray. Finally I descended on Co Rd 42 and managed to hobble my way to a Holiday station, call Dorajar to say "G'Night" and meander on home. It was near 11:30 though when I got there. Dummy. I threw in the rest of "Matrix" and promptly fell asleep on the loveseat. (Sound Familiar? At least I could get up and get into a bed this time)
Today was 'Fu, and waiting for my folks to call with the results of their inspection. They had a nibble on the old ancestral manse. Keep your fingers crossed, kids. They need that stress to go bye-bye.
The rest of the day:
Make Toast
Study 6, (Make it through re-reading chpts 1 and 2)
Nap,
Stretch,
Lift,
Jog (I'm a bad-ass. What can I say, snow does not provide me with fear)
Check to see if I have a Hawaiian shirt for the party tonight.
Party tonight (Note to self. Bring an actual banana-hammock to scare host's into thinking that's the only suit you brought with you)
Call Dorajar to say "Break a Leg" and "Love you".
Tomorrow? Oscars, clowns. I've only seen maybe 4 of the movies nominated this year, in the ENTIRE show. How lame is that.
ION, My buddy Cookiepants is back in town and we very well may get sushi next week. Why sushi? Because we're both Part Asian, that's why.
IOON, I'm such a nerdy rube...I made Doug Jones a friend on myspace. And Lili's Burlesque. A nerd, and a perv. Great.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Tagged!
6 odd things about me, tagged from the Moped: (Although my knee jerk response "Besides everything that comes out of my mouth?" seemed most appropriate)
Blog about six odd things about yourself, and tag six other bloggers.
I tag:
Portana
MD
Melinite
Uhhhh...Any LJ/Lurkers who frass around this blog. You know who you are. And comment occasionally, wouldja? It's so cold and lonely in the world.
1-I'm pretty obsessive compulsive about cleaning. This is odd being that I'm such an ADD addled flibbertygibbet who'd just as soon put something off (ex: Sunday Series Six Study Session for buddies? Yeah. Drove Dorajar NUTS while she was studying her Micro-Frassonomics homework. I was content to bob my head to the "Eric Clapton Unplugged" muzak and stare outside)
This is also odd because, if I had my way, I'd leave the clothes from the dryer in the hamper and just pick out what I need to wear downstairs. (If it wasn't so gawdawful cold down there)
2- Five years of college? No diploma. How'z that for an honest admission? I had one class left to take and prrrrrrt, no degree. I started gigging regularly in 1998, and that was that.
3-I wear the same cologne I started wearing my junior year of High School. Not, like, "still-still" wear it. But crammed in with the Aqua Di Gio, Davidoff Cool Water, Dolce and Gabbana, and Perry Ellis...is a lil' bottle of Preferred Stock, by Stetson. It was 1st received as a gift from an old g/f and it sort of got associated with "me". (Truth. While the other boys were drowning themselves in Polo or Drakkar, I was getting by with a $10 one ounce spray bottle. )
Y'all know that I've always had a soft spot for cologne. Truly. It stems from pooberty, when I first started producing man-funk, and needed to start investing in deodorant as a daily device. One day, I found a dusty bottle of "Hai, Karate". (Ironic, yes?) in the bathroom closet. I wore that green, smelly, toxic shit far too liberally. It got to the point that when I was in gym class, my sweat would cause it to stain my white gym shirt green. I weaned myself off of it, (Read: ran out) and during school shopping my Freshperson year of HS, I convinced mama-san to invest in some knock-off brand found at TJ Maxx (Mom would NEVER let us wear designer shit. Don't even get me started when I came home and showed her my new Girbaud's in the 8th grade. I nearly caught death)
FF to 1992, I get in my little g/f inspired X-mas stocking...Preferred...Stock? The rest is Frasstory.
Now, "The Good Stuff" (As I refer to the pricier designer stank) I wear out to events. Date nights, theatre (Where I like to think that I'm conscientious enough to avoid bathing in it, which pisses off other patrons) parties. I think that I have a metabolism and body chemistry that actually compliments certain fragrances without seeming like I'm "wearing cologne" (At least that's what I've been told by both SSGF's and GF's alike. Hey, P? Do you always form your world based on the opinions of your significant other? I kid. Really, my body runs hot. You know? Sooooo I give the "candle effect")
The Preferred Coc...Stock? That's my daily funk. So next time y'all are at the Bullseye, give'er a whiff and think of me. (I still get paranoid when I'm at work and when someone near me sneezes? Yeah. I blame me.)
4- I like "cool" pillows. I'm a night time pillow flipper.
5- When I was a kid, I'd dress up as Spider Man and run around the neighborhood climbing tree's. What's odd about this is that I would get up ridiculously high in the tree, with out any hand holds within reach. (Per Mama P- I would "shimmy" up the tree trunk) The homeowners would then have to call my parents who would have to come over with a ladder and get me to come down. Now, two caveats to me having been a climber:
The first, is that a very similar incident happened while I was in the Boy Scouts. We were camping at Fred C. Anderson Scout Camp (Remember RSvP? The infamous "Lost M-1 Field Jacket Incident"?) I was climbing with a couple of other scouts around this sandstone cliff face. I got up to a plateau and it was too high for me to continue up that particular route. Of course, the face being sandstone the butte I was perched on gave way...forcing me to hop back and effectively removing my ability to get back down. After being perched for close to an hour, I kicked at the sandstone some more and "rode" the falling piece down to another platform. Not the smartest, but it worked.
The second...is that now? I get vertigo sometimes. It's kind of bad here at work (We have these long-assed walkways that are flanked by a 30 foot drop out of your peripheral vision.)
So yeah. Great climber. Not so great at getting back down again.
6- I'm mostly to partly certain that I have a bit of "Wolverine" in me. (I ate an action figure when I was a kid) See, besides the cartiliginous mass in my nose that's been crunked no less than 3 times in childhood accidents? I've never broken a bone. Ever. And I heal fast and don't get sick all that much. (Knock knock) The cut on my thumb that I knicked a vein and bled like a bitch? 6 days later? All but gone. (Well, I was left with that stupid ass healing/peeling skin problem) When other people frass about soreness or being in pain, I sometimes can identify but not too often. I like to be "in touch" with owies and soreness b/c I think that's the first step toward recovery.
However, not feeling pain has its drawbacks. I'm deathly afraid I'll get cancer and not realize what it is until too late. boo.
And b/c I'm a gibbet who flibbers- You kids need two more.
# 7
For the last 13 months, I've pretty much had soup for lunch at work for at least 85% of the time-Monday through Frassday. (Barring the days they order in take-out, We have face-to-face meetings, or I plumb forget to bring my lunch and have to get something from the Caf. Which sucks. B/C I ended up spending $8 on a salad bar salad at the final weigh in. And WTF, why have the f#ckin' scale at the very last thing before you pay and not before? I mean, I woulda been up shit creek had I not brought down the extra cash!)
Oh, #8?
I have a wickedly awesome sense recall. I'll forget, you know, names...big picture shit. But the details I can store for ages. Don't ask. I know, it makes my ever telling you a story the longest and lamest experience of your life but it's true. De. Tails.
First encounters (Redwright I met at CRPC after "A Few Good Men", Feej was at "Leaning Tower", MD Was upstairs at the Illusion Theatre after I'd finished a crying jag. Dorajar was at the small theatre mafia holiday party December of '05. Melinite was at a Mu audition in October '05. It was raining. Really badly) Certain phone Numbers. (My two best friends in Elementary School) The weather on the day my mom took me to see "Ghostbusters" for the first time at the theatre back in 1984. The musty smell of the comic shop I went to as a kid and bought Star Trek officer patches. The bitter cold of hockey practice and the way the Hartkopf warming house smelled of sweat and hockey gear.
The perfume of women I knew in high school...(Jovan White Musk, Exclamation, Head over Heels, Jessica McClintock, and Liz Claiborne will always remind me of then.) Weird shit. You know? Like when my dad asked my big brother and I to each memorize the square root of a particular number on a calculator. (Mine was "10", or- 3.1622776. Check it, bitches. I dare you.)
#9
I like symmetery. Being symmetrical. Balance.
#10
I make up words/syntax regularly. It's gotten progressively worse over the past 11 months or so, to the point where I think I alienate my friends and family. (It doesn't just stop and start with "frass", yo) Song lyrics, whatever. I'm a terrible underpant.
#11
I really, truly, cannot take the world seriously. It amazes me that I've survived working in corporate culture in a mid-tier capacity this long. It's branded me as a "high energy" co-worker in most instances, but I won't be a manager b/c they all think that, while great with the staff- Would probably not be a good candidate in that position. Truly.
Along those lines, I find the funny in life a lot faster than most peeps. Funny to me. You know? Double entendres. Telling the guy at the coffee shop that I want "just a smidgen of room" for cream. Then following up with "You know, if you look it up? You find 'smidgen' is a perfectably acceptable measurement device"...and then his co-worker smirks and she says "We know. There are three 'titches' to a smidgen".
Now, there are some bittersweet ends to this besides not getting hitched up the corporate turd-pole. Not taking things for serious has caused the end of several previous relationships. (Starting in 9th grade when she called me "Weird" to recently where I was called much much worse.) It also diminishes my "serious" value as a performer...which relegates me to smaller roles, gregarious hammy roles...the side kick. (Not to mention my small head. I think I would get a lot more commercial work if I didn't have such a tiny gob!) But it's the differences that make the world unique. IMHO. And it's why I love life for this very reason.
There is funny everywhere you look, if you're open to see it.
Blog about six odd things about yourself, and tag six other bloggers.
I tag:
Portana
MD
Melinite
Uhhhh...Any LJ/Lurkers who frass around this blog. You know who you are. And comment occasionally, wouldja? It's so cold and lonely in the world.
1-I'm pretty obsessive compulsive about cleaning. This is odd being that I'm such an ADD addled flibbertygibbet who'd just as soon put something off (ex: Sunday Series Six Study Session for buddies? Yeah. Drove Dorajar NUTS while she was studying her Micro-Frassonomics homework. I was content to bob my head to the "Eric Clapton Unplugged" muzak and stare outside)
This is also odd because, if I had my way, I'd leave the clothes from the dryer in the hamper and just pick out what I need to wear downstairs. (If it wasn't so gawdawful cold down there)
2- Five years of college? No diploma. How'z that for an honest admission? I had one class left to take and prrrrrrt, no degree. I started gigging regularly in 1998, and that was that.
3-I wear the same cologne I started wearing my junior year of High School. Not, like, "still-still" wear it. But crammed in with the Aqua Di Gio, Davidoff Cool Water, Dolce and Gabbana, and Perry Ellis...is a lil' bottle of Preferred Stock, by Stetson. It was 1st received as a gift from an old g/f and it sort of got associated with "me". (Truth. While the other boys were drowning themselves in Polo or Drakkar, I was getting by with a $10 one ounce spray bottle. )
Y'all know that I've always had a soft spot for cologne. Truly. It stems from pooberty, when I first started producing man-funk, and needed to start investing in deodorant as a daily device. One day, I found a dusty bottle of "Hai, Karate". (Ironic, yes?) in the bathroom closet. I wore that green, smelly, toxic shit far too liberally. It got to the point that when I was in gym class, my sweat would cause it to stain my white gym shirt green. I weaned myself off of it, (Read: ran out) and during school shopping my Freshperson year of HS, I convinced mama-san to invest in some knock-off brand found at TJ Maxx (Mom would NEVER let us wear designer shit. Don't even get me started when I came home and showed her my new Girbaud's in the 8th grade. I nearly caught death)
FF to 1992, I get in my little g/f inspired X-mas stocking...Preferred...Stock? The rest is Frasstory.
Now, "The Good Stuff" (As I refer to the pricier designer stank) I wear out to events. Date nights, theatre (Where I like to think that I'm conscientious enough to avoid bathing in it, which pisses off other patrons) parties. I think that I have a metabolism and body chemistry that actually compliments certain fragrances without seeming like I'm "wearing cologne" (At least that's what I've been told by both SSGF's and GF's alike. Hey, P? Do you always form your world based on the opinions of your significant other? I kid. Really, my body runs hot. You know? Sooooo I give the "candle effect")
The Preferred Coc...Stock? That's my daily funk. So next time y'all are at the Bullseye, give'er a whiff and think of me. (I still get paranoid when I'm at work and when someone near me sneezes? Yeah. I blame me.)
4- I like "cool" pillows. I'm a night time pillow flipper.
5- When I was a kid, I'd dress up as Spider Man and run around the neighborhood climbing tree's. What's odd about this is that I would get up ridiculously high in the tree, with out any hand holds within reach. (Per Mama P- I would "shimmy" up the tree trunk) The homeowners would then have to call my parents who would have to come over with a ladder and get me to come down. Now, two caveats to me having been a climber:
The first, is that a very similar incident happened while I was in the Boy Scouts. We were camping at Fred C. Anderson Scout Camp (Remember RSvP? The infamous "Lost M-1 Field Jacket Incident"?) I was climbing with a couple of other scouts around this sandstone cliff face. I got up to a plateau and it was too high for me to continue up that particular route. Of course, the face being sandstone the butte I was perched on gave way...forcing me to hop back and effectively removing my ability to get back down. After being perched for close to an hour, I kicked at the sandstone some more and "rode" the falling piece down to another platform. Not the smartest, but it worked.
The second...is that now? I get vertigo sometimes. It's kind of bad here at work (We have these long-assed walkways that are flanked by a 30 foot drop out of your peripheral vision.)
So yeah. Great climber. Not so great at getting back down again.
6- I'm mostly to partly certain that I have a bit of "Wolverine" in me. (I ate an action figure when I was a kid) See, besides the cartiliginous mass in my nose that's been crunked no less than 3 times in childhood accidents? I've never broken a bone. Ever. And I heal fast and don't get sick all that much. (Knock knock) The cut on my thumb that I knicked a vein and bled like a bitch? 6 days later? All but gone. (Well, I was left with that stupid ass healing/peeling skin problem) When other people frass about soreness or being in pain, I sometimes can identify but not too often. I like to be "in touch" with owies and soreness b/c I think that's the first step toward recovery.
However, not feeling pain has its drawbacks. I'm deathly afraid I'll get cancer and not realize what it is until too late. boo.
And b/c I'm a gibbet who flibbers- You kids need two more.
# 7
For the last 13 months, I've pretty much had soup for lunch at work for at least 85% of the time-Monday through Frassday. (Barring the days they order in take-out, We have face-to-face meetings, or I plumb forget to bring my lunch and have to get something from the Caf. Which sucks. B/C I ended up spending $8 on a salad bar salad at the final weigh in. And WTF, why have the f#ckin' scale at the very last thing before you pay and not before? I mean, I woulda been up shit creek had I not brought down the extra cash!)
Oh, #8?
I have a wickedly awesome sense recall. I'll forget, you know, names...big picture shit. But the details I can store for ages. Don't ask. I know, it makes my ever telling you a story the longest and lamest experience of your life but it's true. De. Tails.
First encounters (Redwright I met at CRPC after "A Few Good Men", Feej was at "Leaning Tower", MD Was upstairs at the Illusion Theatre after I'd finished a crying jag. Dorajar was at the small theatre mafia holiday party December of '05. Melinite was at a Mu audition in October '05. It was raining. Really badly) Certain phone Numbers. (My two best friends in Elementary School) The weather on the day my mom took me to see "Ghostbusters" for the first time at the theatre back in 1984. The musty smell of the comic shop I went to as a kid and bought Star Trek officer patches. The bitter cold of hockey practice and the way the Hartkopf warming house smelled of sweat and hockey gear.
The perfume of women I knew in high school...(Jovan White Musk, Exclamation, Head over Heels, Jessica McClintock, and Liz Claiborne will always remind me of then.) Weird shit. You know? Like when my dad asked my big brother and I to each memorize the square root of a particular number on a calculator. (Mine was "10", or- 3.1622776. Check it, bitches. I dare you.)
#9
I like symmetery. Being symmetrical. Balance.
#10
I make up words/syntax regularly. It's gotten progressively worse over the past 11 months or so, to the point where I think I alienate my friends and family. (It doesn't just stop and start with "frass", yo) Song lyrics, whatever. I'm a terrible underpant.
#11
I really, truly, cannot take the world seriously. It amazes me that I've survived working in corporate culture in a mid-tier capacity this long. It's branded me as a "high energy" co-worker in most instances, but I won't be a manager b/c they all think that, while great with the staff- Would probably not be a good candidate in that position. Truly.
Along those lines, I find the funny in life a lot faster than most peeps. Funny to me. You know? Double entendres. Telling the guy at the coffee shop that I want "just a smidgen of room" for cream. Then following up with "You know, if you look it up? You find 'smidgen' is a perfectably acceptable measurement device"...and then his co-worker smirks and she says "We know. There are three 'titches' to a smidgen".
Now, there are some bittersweet ends to this besides not getting hitched up the corporate turd-pole. Not taking things for serious has caused the end of several previous relationships. (Starting in 9th grade when she called me "Weird" to recently where I was called much much worse.) It also diminishes my "serious" value as a performer...which relegates me to smaller roles, gregarious hammy roles...the side kick. (Not to mention my small head. I think I would get a lot more commercial work if I didn't have such a tiny gob!) But it's the differences that make the world unique. IMHO. And it's why I love life for this very reason.
There is funny everywhere you look, if you're open to see it.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Better get these out quick.
Once again, weird dreams ruled the night-
1st one was SR, myself, and the guy who does the scheduling here at my office all sitting around and planning Torch's '07/'08 season. No idea where that one came from.
2nd bit- Sitting around, frassin' online w/Dorajar and I get a Myspace friend request from this guy who an ex dumped me for. Dora asked whether or not I'd accept him and I told her "only on the condition that I can tear out his heart"...(Yikes. Let's get those issues to a happy place, buddy) Then Dora told me that she accepted him as a friend, and that love and peace are and should be unconditional. I told her I still wouldn't, since principal and character were more important to me.
3rd bit...swimming in a shark tank. I know, I know...this completely makes no sense since I have a f#cked up unnatural fear of sharks. But there I am in this salty tank. I see little sharks (No bigger than 4-5 feet long) They look like dog or nurse sharks. Not maneaters. The trainers are floating nearby for safety and telling us how to handle them. I look down and tearing ass up is one of the sharky's that clamps itself down on my hand. It doesn't hurt, per se. The trainer's keep hitting it on the side, hoping it'll get the hint that I'm not plankton. Finally another swimmer comes over and pries it's jaw loose. It swims off, but only to come tearing ass back to clamp down on my hand.
4th bit...I flew again. I love dreams where I fly. It isn't so much that I'm pulling a Superman, but it's almost like swimming in air. (Pulling myself up like I'm doing a butterfly stroke) This time I flew through an ornate theatre, periodically needing to duck to avoid hitting my head on the balcony....
The 1st bit I know is embedded in the fact that I auditioned for her company last weekend. So that's there. Why the scheduling dude showed up, I have no idea.
2nd bit, probably has to do with this weird influx of ex-gf's finding me on myspace. And that I found a nude pic of an ex (Who cheated on me with 5 dudes) when I was downstairs digging through my picture box last weekend.
3rd bit, was b/c of this:http://www.sharkadventures.co.za/activities/cage_diving.asp
Wiki led me there after I was reading an article on Urban Legends. They chum. You snorkel (Or if you are scuba certified, get dropped a few feet) shark passes the cage. "Cage goes in the water...you go in the cage...Sharks in the water....Farewell, and adieu...to you old Spanish Lady..." Even if I had the $1,500 per day they charge...I'd like to tender a hardy "Fuck No" maybe.
The 4th? Fuck, who knows. I should get a prescription for Adoral or Ritalin or some ADHD drug...
1st one was SR, myself, and the guy who does the scheduling here at my office all sitting around and planning Torch's '07/'08 season. No idea where that one came from.
2nd bit- Sitting around, frassin' online w/Dorajar and I get a Myspace friend request from this guy who an ex dumped me for. Dora asked whether or not I'd accept him and I told her "only on the condition that I can tear out his heart"...(Yikes. Let's get those issues to a happy place, buddy) Then Dora told me that she accepted him as a friend, and that love and peace are and should be unconditional. I told her I still wouldn't, since principal and character were more important to me.
3rd bit...swimming in a shark tank. I know, I know...this completely makes no sense since I have a f#cked up unnatural fear of sharks. But there I am in this salty tank. I see little sharks (No bigger than 4-5 feet long) They look like dog or nurse sharks. Not maneaters. The trainers are floating nearby for safety and telling us how to handle them. I look down and tearing ass up is one of the sharky's that clamps itself down on my hand. It doesn't hurt, per se. The trainer's keep hitting it on the side, hoping it'll get the hint that I'm not plankton. Finally another swimmer comes over and pries it's jaw loose. It swims off, but only to come tearing ass back to clamp down on my hand.
4th bit...I flew again. I love dreams where I fly. It isn't so much that I'm pulling a Superman, but it's almost like swimming in air. (Pulling myself up like I'm doing a butterfly stroke) This time I flew through an ornate theatre, periodically needing to duck to avoid hitting my head on the balcony....
The 1st bit I know is embedded in the fact that I auditioned for her company last weekend. So that's there. Why the scheduling dude showed up, I have no idea.
2nd bit, probably has to do with this weird influx of ex-gf's finding me on myspace. And that I found a nude pic of an ex (Who cheated on me with 5 dudes) when I was downstairs digging through my picture box last weekend.
3rd bit, was b/c of this:http://www.sharkadventures.co.za/activities/cage_diving.asp
Wiki led me there after I was reading an article on Urban Legends. They chum. You snorkel (Or if you are scuba certified, get dropped a few feet) shark passes the cage. "Cage goes in the water...you go in the cage...Sharks in the water....Farewell, and adieu...to you old Spanish Lady..." Even if I had the $1,500 per day they charge...I'd like to tender a hardy "Fuck No" maybe.
The 4th? Fuck, who knows. I should get a prescription for Adoral or Ritalin or some ADHD drug...
Feels good...
So good good good. Things are well. Well-ish. I still need to start working more dilligently on studying for my 6...however I just received some good news-
No Refunds'll be performing in this years "Five Fifths of the Fringe" in April. For the uninitiated, this means they take a piece of classic theatre/film and chop it up in to 5 bits. Handing out sections to 5 different theatre companies to present their particular "Take" on the material. Previous years have had "5/5ths of the Godfather" and "5/5ths of Casablanca"...ah hell, read all about it here: http://www.fringefestival.org/pdf/press/FiveFifthsSTD.pdf
This year..."The Wizard of Oz". I have no idee how they gonna kung fook that shite up. What I do know is that you need to be concerned when you get an email from Matty-boom-boom saying "Would you be willing to learn the Chinese Long Sword?"
Noooo. Noooo, stop. No really. I can't. Seriously. Just...leave the guilt out..okay. Fine. I'll learn the stupid sword.
I really hate this shit, can you tell?
Annnnnd, they're fixing to do a remount of "GMIKFTH" in May. Cool. I might even get a chance to be behind the mike this time around. (How funny'd that be, one of the "voices" actually getting into a fracas.) Funny how what started as only a one night fundraiser turns into a two week run. They ain't got no mama. Truthfully, It'll be nice to extend the run. I don't think that neeeearly enough folk got out to see it the 1st time around. 'Course, that means handing my own a$$ to myself for two to three weekends. (Sighs) I'm gonna buy stock in advil.
What this also means is stepping up training. (Which started slowly after "Lootie Patootie") I've started getting up all ripe and early and wailing on ze muscles. Stretching out doubly in the a.m. and p.m. as well as, Lord help me- Trying to work my way up to sitting in a deeeeeep horseback riding stance for one minute intervals. Running again starts Friday. (And thank goodness for the weather warm up.) Actually, the old bodski is feeling better. Good..er. I was anticipating boo-too soreness but so far, so good.
ION- She who is a girl that is a friend that resides in secret asked if I'd audition for she and the Mann. ("Macbeth" be the play. Fall be the season she runs. Did I just turn into a fucking pirate? Yar!) Gotta callback which is also awesome blossom. Read for the same roles I played when I did the show up in the 'Cloud back in '99. I won't lie, I'd love to do the show. Hell, I'd like to do some great Shakespeare again. (And...hurm...work with Redwright, LSA, KWT, and the aforementioned Super Secret GF. Working with really talented people makes me want to get better as an actor.) I'll hear yay oder nay when she gets back. In the meantime, I ain't finna hold my bref.
That is all. Hope everyone had a quiet, relaxing, and productive "Singles Awareness Day". (Dorajar and I 86'ed our original plans for a nice night out and subbed wine, AWESOME take out Thai, and "SFU". We're on season 5. I can almost see the light)
Oh..."Chai Thai" on cedar is a hidden gem. Cheap eats (Almost every menu item is under $9)
No Refunds'll be performing in this years "Five Fifths of the Fringe" in April. For the uninitiated, this means they take a piece of classic theatre/film and chop it up in to 5 bits. Handing out sections to 5 different theatre companies to present their particular "Take" on the material. Previous years have had "5/5ths of the Godfather" and "5/5ths of Casablanca"...ah hell, read all about it here: http://www.fringefestival.org/pdf/press/FiveFifthsSTD.pdf
This year..."The Wizard of Oz". I have no idee how they gonna kung fook that shite up. What I do know is that you need to be concerned when you get an email from Matty-boom-boom saying "Would you be willing to learn the Chinese Long Sword?"
Noooo. Noooo, stop. No really. I can't. Seriously. Just...leave the guilt out..okay. Fine. I'll learn the stupid sword.
I really hate this shit, can you tell?
Annnnnd, they're fixing to do a remount of "GMIKFTH" in May. Cool. I might even get a chance to be behind the mike this time around. (How funny'd that be, one of the "voices" actually getting into a fracas.) Funny how what started as only a one night fundraiser turns into a two week run. They ain't got no mama. Truthfully, It'll be nice to extend the run. I don't think that neeeearly enough folk got out to see it the 1st time around. 'Course, that means handing my own a$$ to myself for two to three weekends. (Sighs) I'm gonna buy stock in advil.
What this also means is stepping up training. (Which started slowly after "Lootie Patootie") I've started getting up all ripe and early and wailing on ze muscles. Stretching out doubly in the a.m. and p.m. as well as, Lord help me- Trying to work my way up to sitting in a deeeeeep horseback riding stance for one minute intervals. Running again starts Friday. (And thank goodness for the weather warm up.) Actually, the old bodski is feeling better. Good..er. I was anticipating boo-too soreness but so far, so good.
ION- She who is a girl that is a friend that resides in secret asked if I'd audition for she and the Mann. ("Macbeth" be the play. Fall be the season she runs. Did I just turn into a fucking pirate? Yar!) Gotta callback which is also awesome blossom. Read for the same roles I played when I did the show up in the 'Cloud back in '99. I won't lie, I'd love to do the show. Hell, I'd like to do some great Shakespeare again. (And...hurm...work with Redwright, LSA, KWT, and the aforementioned Super Secret GF. Working with really talented people makes me want to get better as an actor.) I'll hear yay oder nay when she gets back. In the meantime, I ain't finna hold my bref.
That is all. Hope everyone had a quiet, relaxing, and productive "Singles Awareness Day". (Dorajar and I 86'ed our original plans for a nice night out and subbed wine, AWESOME take out Thai, and "SFU". We're on season 5. I can almost see the light)
Oh..."Chai Thai" on cedar is a hidden gem. Cheap eats (Almost every menu item is under $9)
Is this excessive?
Article on singer Robbie Williams who recently checked himself into rehab: http://imdb.com/news/wenn/2007-02-15/#celeb8
"Three packets of cigarettes, 36 double espresso coffees, anti-depressants and sleeping pills, according to reports."
Annnnnd: "And daily he gets through an incredible 36 super-strength double espresso coffees, 60 Silk Cut cigarettes and around 20 cans of energy drink Red Bull."
Time to switch to the coffee in the green can, Robbie. I usually stop on cup number 19.
Huh. If you cut out the cigarettes and add oatmeal, it almost seems like MD's diet.
; P
"Three packets of cigarettes, 36 double espresso coffees, anti-depressants and sleeping pills, according to reports."
Annnnnd: "And daily he gets through an incredible 36 super-strength double espresso coffees, 60 Silk Cut cigarettes and around 20 cans of energy drink Red Bull."
Time to switch to the coffee in the green can, Robbie. I usually stop on cup number 19.
Huh. If you cut out the cigarettes and add oatmeal, it almost seems like MD's diet.
; P
Monday, February 12, 2007
Eulogy
No. Real time eulogy here. It's been settling in over the course of the day. I just found out today that an actor that I performed with in "Henry V" back in January 2005 was killed in an auto accident by a drunk driver. He was a good kid. Really a good kid. We'd frass backstage before our entrances. He was funny, charming, a little crazy (Always a good sign) and had a smattering of interest in the arts that were martial. More stuff to BS about. He'd tease me about stupid things like how much I talked, going so far as to leaving a loooooong drunk message on my voicemail one night during a cast party I ditched (Back when I was ditching parties left and right) "Tell me one of your stoooooories...HAR HAR". You might recognize the kid from the TI casino commercials where he "challenged the cop to a drag race" (They play it on loop at the 'Dome. Coincidentally enough, that was an audition which was one of the last times I saw him.)
He'd moved out to LA to pursue the dream, and was coming home from a film shoot when it happened. He was 24 years old.
24.
So. Sorry to come back after radio silence with the bad news, but if you are with a loved one...give'em a hug.
Peace, CeeK's. You'll really be missed. You were one helluva talented kid.
He'd moved out to LA to pursue the dream, and was coming home from a film shoot when it happened. He was 24 years old.
24.
So. Sorry to come back after radio silence with the bad news, but if you are with a loved one...give'em a hug.
Peace, CeeK's. You'll really be missed. You were one helluva talented kid.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
It's cold in the world...
But warm in my heart. I'm typing as I sit upstairs where it is warmest. (Old house, you know. It gets drafty downstairs and the heat travels up. I fully acknowledge if I was free of debt, and free of house, I'd be snowbirding in AZ right now. Giving tours of Mesa Verde to the seniors)
I'm about to embark on a project/workout day before Super Bowl grocery shopping and wanted to post quickly regarding a not-so-frassy week. Well, work was busy and boring. No show means more "Me" time. I have an audition next Wednesday, wOOt. Dorajar had her first on-camera in which she now embarks on a brave new adventure of trying to obtain the coveted commercial/live-industrial gigs. And for the most part...life is pretty good. (This spending freeze I'm on is a little tiresome. At least it prevents me from holding my breath the last week of the month. Only 2-3 more years to go before I'm debt free! Then? Sell my house, and actualize my snow-bird fantasy of a Southwestern lifestyle)
I'm off to wail on my pecs, then do my back. And you know what? -22 degree windchills aside? I may go for a jog. I did it last year. And so help me, I'm gonna get some mileage out of that cold-weather jogging gear I invested in.
Pip-Pip.
ps: I, saw...the most amazing movie. If you can-and I encourage this behavior-go see "Pan's Labryinth". One of the most moving, beautifully shot movies I have ever seen. Heartbreaking. Go. NOW!
I'm about to embark on a project/workout day before Super Bowl grocery shopping and wanted to post quickly regarding a not-so-frassy week. Well, work was busy and boring. No show means more "Me" time. I have an audition next Wednesday, wOOt. Dorajar had her first on-camera in which she now embarks on a brave new adventure of trying to obtain the coveted commercial/live-industrial gigs. And for the most part...life is pretty good. (This spending freeze I'm on is a little tiresome. At least it prevents me from holding my breath the last week of the month. Only 2-3 more years to go before I'm debt free! Then? Sell my house, and actualize my snow-bird fantasy of a Southwestern lifestyle)
I'm off to wail on my pecs, then do my back. And you know what? -22 degree windchills aside? I may go for a jog. I did it last year. And so help me, I'm gonna get some mileage out of that cold-weather jogging gear I invested in.
Pip-Pip.
ps: I, saw...the most amazing movie. If you can-and I encourage this behavior-go see "Pan's Labryinth". One of the most moving, beautifully shot movies I have ever seen. Heartbreaking. Go. NOW!
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
This looks cool...
Almost makes me wish I had cable:
http://www9.nationalgeographic.com/channel/fightscience/videoPreview.html
http://www9.nationalgeographic.com/channel/fightscience/videoPreview.html
Monday, January 29, 2007
Goo' bye, and skip to my "Loo'"...Tuh.
(Taken 1-28-07 during the "Loot" strike. Cedar Av sign-age coming down, and the new signage going out. Remind me not to ever hang signs out front in below zero temps. Doubly remind me not to dress in almost entirely black, stand in traffic, and make sure that they have enough clearance to get the sign out and around to hang it. Sheesh)Well it was a good weekend all told. I headed home on Frids to nap and relax- then hitting Chino happy hour with Dorajar b4 needing to split to our respective shows. Traffic was a$$, and it made two things happen- My car got frassy again, and I was in a CUH-rummy mood that carried over into the weekend.
'Twas an okay show- We only had 160 in the house which was our smallest turnout to date. After it was over, I barrelled out to Stipples for the "Frassadeus" opening party. Maybe it was me, but you could tell that everyone was a little tired. (They had themselves a purdy stressful and late late night tech week.) We skipped town, watched the last 1/2 an ep of "SFU" and passed out.
Sats was spent cleaning and frassin' around with Big Brother. (Who spent a majority of the day hermited up in the attic like a latter day Anne Frank. Albeit, an Anne Frank who could just as easily throw 60 shuriken into the hearts of the Nazi's searching for her downstairs before any of them had a chance to say "schnitzel", but an attic-ed Anne Frank nevertheless. ) I wound up with two new fans, and a brain full of up-and-coming projects I can dive into with my new free time. The show, again, went well. We had a fuller house, and post-show I bolted out to get my home opened up and the chili and salmon servable.
It was a neat little soiree' (What with a cast of 5, makes for quiet "Jellybean-friendly" gatherings) The evening ended with Dorajar creeping upstairs to pass out while I frassed with our costumer and her friend over Dr. Who, and how the reversal of age in the individual Doctor's starting with Doctor # 1 and going to the present-Day incarnations is akin to a reversal of Jacques "Ages of Man" speech in "As you Like it". Of course that could have been the wine talking.
Sunds, we met some friends for a quick and easy brunch-let in the chilly a.m. hours before (again) splitting for our respective gigs. (Actors. Only actors would blast out of a breakfast date to make it in time for their call times. I had it the worst, with a 90 minute call time. Ninety. Minutes. I'll never let that one slide. Ever) We closed to an entertained audience (Save the woman in the seat in front of the food-table. I worked a bit where I interact with whoever is seated behind that particular modesty panel and throughout the run I've had some good interplay. This woman...oh let's just say that I bet she went home after the show and prayed for my ruination. It was the pants, I'm sure of it.)
Strike took up the rest of the evening, and by the time I got home I was cold, tired, frassy, and hunnnngry. Dorajar peeped over and we muddled through some more "SFU" before passing out.
So now...some free "X-masbaby" time. Just in time for Dorajar to start her 6 weekend run. Oof-da...
btw? If I win the lottery, the first FIRST thing I'm gonna do is buy TRP a new vaccuum. You will never understand frustration until you've sat in the same corner of the green room vaccuuming the same 5 by 5 square foot patch of carpet and nothing...NOTHING gets sucked up. Seriously. Worst vaccuum ever. Picking up the individual grains of sand would have been easier.
oxoxoxoxo
Best SO ever...
Not only does she get her own frassy back massooged, but in her endorphin released euphoria she gets me an hour massage too! (The comment "My shoulders are up to my ears" has been muttered by more than one interested party)
Spanks, Bunktunia!
xoxoxoxoxo
Spanks, Bunktunia!
xoxoxoxoxo
Best brother ever.
No. Seriously. He made good on a b'day gift and stopped over Saturday and installed not one, but two...two magical fans. Fans by "Hunter". Hunter fans are very dangerous. They're liable to attack during the middle of the night. I will need to maintain constant vigilence. Constantly.
Thanks, RSvP. They're awesome.
Thanks, RSvP. They're awesome.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Last weekend, yo!
To go see Rooty Tooty Fresh and Looty!
It's been getting well received, but I think that it's high time to be over and done. (It's a lot of coffin heaving for 4 weeks) Then it'll be off to focus on:
Finishing house projects. (Getting the base boards tacked in the kitchen, cleaning the basement...like, really cleaning the basement. Finishing the front porch pergo. Painting and gussying up the US bathroom. )
Karate (Every Saturday relegated to pre-test classes)
Working out (Another by-product of being in a show. Activity level just...plummets)
Studying again for the 6 (I have some overdue coffee shop dates)
Check into pt jobs
Check into flight info/travel plans. You. Rope.
Taxes
Meet peeps I haven't seen in ages for beers
Visit folks bi-monthly
Finish "Six Feet Under"...consider starting either "Slings and Arrows" or "Nip/Tuck"
Make appointment for a check up at the local clinic. (Call first to see that they accept my provider)
Make appointment to see a Dentist. (Something I've woefully avoided for, um, too long)
That sounds like a good start. I'd post-poned making any stupid resolutions due to the show taking up such a large portion of my brain. Yeah, I think that's a good start.
It's been getting well received, but I think that it's high time to be over and done. (It's a lot of coffin heaving for 4 weeks) Then it'll be off to focus on:
Finishing house projects. (Getting the base boards tacked in the kitchen, cleaning the basement...like, really cleaning the basement. Finishing the front porch pergo. Painting and gussying up the US bathroom. )
Karate (Every Saturday relegated to pre-test classes)
Working out (Another by-product of being in a show. Activity level just...plummets)
Studying again for the 6 (I have some overdue coffee shop dates)
Check into pt jobs
Check into flight info/travel plans. You. Rope.
Taxes
Meet peeps I haven't seen in ages for beers
Visit folks bi-monthly
Finish "Six Feet Under"...consider starting either "Slings and Arrows" or "Nip/Tuck"
Make appointment for a check up at the local clinic. (Call first to see that they accept my provider)
Make appointment to see a Dentist. (Something I've woefully avoided for, um, too long)
That sounds like a good start. I'd post-poned making any stupid resolutions due to the show taking up such a large portion of my brain. Yeah, I think that's a good start.
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