1 more thing

Only from the mind of Baby P:


The ladies in Policy Accounting have all these mini-wind socks hanging from their desks. Apparently they bought them to support one of their kids fund drives or something. They're kinda cute, you know...They're in the shape of fishies, and butterflies, hummingbirds...all hanging from their desks.

The funny part is that they all have the same basic pattern to their bodies. Which, is to say they all kinda...(Wait for it) kinda...

Well they kinda look a little like an unrolled condom. And some have wings, or fins.

You get the image.

So, in a bold gesture I asked my friend in policy accounting where they came from etc, and without prompting by yours truly she makes the aforementioned prophylactic reference. We tittered and giggled and looked over our shoulders to see if anyone overheard us...

Baby P: "Nice visual, M"

M: "It wasn't just me. All the ladies think the same thing"

Baby P: "Funny. I thought they look kinda like those gimmick underpants you can buy at Spencers or Fredericks. You know the ones? With the toucan, or candy cane dangling from the front?"

M: "Yeah...C0ck S0cks"

More laughing.

I'm amazed I can get any work done sometimes. Or that I don't get fired. At least it's nice to know that there are quite a few more people here that are dirtier than moi. Well, almost as dirty.

And I need a camera phone in a big bad way.

"Honnnnnkey Tonk WIMMMIN!!!"

Where am I again?

Oh, that’s right- Work. On Saturday. Balls.

So I get home last night to my stereo buh-LASTING "Honky-Tonk Women" by the Stones. Tex comes rushing upstairs from doing his laundry (sidebar: This guy had all of his laundry-which was a goodly amount- in small mounds in my basement. I called it "Tide-Henge". And when I say "rushing", you need to realize that there are no slow calculated steps with the Jellybean, BAMF and he was back upstairs.)

"Is the music too loud? Please tell me if it is."

So I started dancing.

"Mick-Style".

"Move w/me Jellybean…come on, move around a little bit…HELP me."

Nothing like deprogramming after a 10 hour day with a little Jagger induced groovin’.


In other news/frass: I succeeded in wedging my comforter and quilt in the laundry chute. It is stuck midway between upstairs and basement jussssst out of reach of fingers and jusssst out of reach of "pokables" which could hopefully loosen it up. In a stroke of genius, I decided to drop dumbbells on top of the mess in order to loosen it up. (Hey, it worked the last time things got gummed up). The current tally, with (hmmmm, 1-2-3) approximately 35 lbs worth of dumbbell resting on top of it: Winner- sheets.

Since I have no other down comforter or quilt in my possession, I was forced to commandeer the Scottish wool blanket I bought in Salisbury (A little scratchy, but it’ll do in a pinch) and also the chintzy chenille throw from the TV room. Yeah. Coooooomfy nights sleep.

I like a little weight on top of me when I’m in bed…knowwhutI’msayinmuskrats?

And yeah…I stayed out past bedtime AGAIN. After checking out the damage on Dora’s munched car (At least the windows are in tact) I darted past a group from the bah last night w/o even recognizing a single one of them (Single of purpose, I am: I’m tired. I’m cold. I want bed. Hey wait, where’s the frassin’ comforter?)

So, needless to say, it’s another typical day in paradise. I’m in the burbs. Printing off directions from an Evite. And thinking about what time I should bail out of here to get to South Mipples for an audition.

And a nap. This full moon/best behaviour bit is really exhausting the crap out of me.


Soundbite du jour: (Taken from the bar die letzte nacht)

"Countdown to speculation in Five, Four, Three, Two, One..."

Weekend, you are so true...

I figured I oughta squeeze one out b/4 the weekend got crowded. It'll be bittersweet: A little frass with a little optimism thrown in for smiles.

(ahem)

Full moon fever is in full swing. We're slated for that big bulbous hunk O' cheese to be flexing it's mighty muscles this Monday. I'm a pseudo-believer in the power of the lunar cycles in how it affects human behavior (Working in call center environments for as long as I have, you tend to get the real doozy-douchebag calls around full moons. Not sayin', but you know)
Subsequently, I've adopted a weird habit of "treading lightly in life" during these times: Making extra sure to measure words and actions so as not to have my meaning lost or actions misjudged, in an attempt to combat the ebb and flow of the Moon. Which probably sounds a little malark-ish, but y'know...I need all the help I can get in life.

Which brings us to:

Poor dorajar got into a car accident yesterday. Nothing boo-too serious, but enough to shake her up a little before her 12th night preview. (Congrats, sweetheart. Welcome to the car accident club. And best of luck to night on your opening!) So, send positive thoughts her way. (Irony of Ironies: Girl had JUST called me to tell me to drive safe. Crazy, no?)

There's been a lot of online frassin', as well as frassin' at the workplace. I stay quietly in place. Letting the waves rock around me.

I just had my cable and internet service disconnected. Some more collateral damage of recent tragic events. So, now I'm needing to pay $280 just to get back online. It kills me, b/c I know the roomie is jonesin' to get his service set back up...and it kills me, 'cause I'm trying to figure out if I should have a bake sale to cover all of these "little debts" that pop up over the next several months. It makes my tummy knot up.

I frassed my hamstring. I don't know if it was class the other night, but from my ass to my heel, it feels like white ice. Meaning I don't know if class on Saturday is going to be an option. I'd normally pop a couple NSAID's and push through it, but this new guy just really seems to be telling my body: Not this time. Seriously. Can't even jog. I'm ticked. And fidgety.

No one sells long underpants right now. After discarding the quitters a few weeks ago, I'm down to 2 pairs of thermal skivvies for my outdoor jogs. And February is fixing to be mighty cold for a few weeks. Cold-Balls.


On the flip side:

-2 auditions lined up this weekend. Cross your digits.
-Meeting Ry-Gonn for trivia. The promise of free food and booze will help me overcome my lackadaisical loathing of bar trivia.
-I might get to go to class on Saturday. Might.
-I've time to do projects around the house. Finally can start making some more real headway before Portana's visit.
-12th Night cast party on Sats. Tryptophan induced frenzy abounds. Thanks for the invite, co-hosters.
-A delightful Bee-Kay-Eff-Ess-Tee on Sunday w/Dora, Melinite, and her hub-hub. I love breakfast. Ask me sometime about the future reading romps I plan on having at Twin City coffee shoppes.
-Finally I might get a chance to see Orley after not having seen her in ages.

Uff to the Da.

Safe weekend folks. See y'all on Moon-day. Or tomorrow, if I'm at work and making a face like this ("Uhhhghhhghhhgh")


"Beware the moon, Alex..."
"An American Werewolf in London". Great fucking movie, btw.

Weird Wednesday Night.

Okay.

I am a wussenheimer.

Can someone explain to me, wait. Scratch that. Start over.

So last night work/home/napped. Roommate comes home. Shopping is done. Now, Seriously? I had 3 things on my Target list. 3. Tell me then how I wound up with a white wall shelf, new sheets, a cowboy belt (on sale, $4 btw) a new tie (on sale, $4.98 btw. Roomie says it looks nice) and a Diet Coke? I don't know. I hate the bullseye sometimes.

I putz through some more projects, help Armadillo get his room situated, talked to redwright, sang into a telephone (I do weird s#it like that) and then...Tex & I sit and shoot the breeze for a goodly while. We decide to reward ourselves w/a little trip to the Market for our labor.

"I'm only staying for one"
"Cool"
"And I'm only staying for an hour"
"Cool"
"59 minutes and 43 seconds now"
"Cool"
So we go. The one drink part was successful, Thanks DeeG. (And no, Kaiser, I wasn't drunk. I was fecking tired, and realized that I still had to drive home. Get those impure thoughts out of your brain.)
Although, we ended up staying later than we thought. Much. We were out past curfew mom, sorry.

And I beat the Armadillo home. Boo-Ya.

What I learned last night:
1) Apparently the new Evil Dead video game is pretty cool
2) My good friend Latt's (Who I never get to see) makes bi-weekly appearances at the Market.
3) I really, really need to stay in one of these nights. Like, full time.
4)I do dress like a social studies teacher. Witnesses agree.
5) I now have agreed to do yet another crazy thing while I've been drinking. I'm far too agreeable sometimes.*
6) I need to find a cozy watering hole closer to home. At least in the winter time. Cold cars suck
7) Even though his girl was with him, Kaiser wants my sweet ass. Not sayin...well, you know.
8) Cottage Cheese w/tabasco, btw, is something that does not make for good bar food. B4, or After.
9) I really like Text Messaging. Thanks MD for showing me the light to this wonderful piece of technology. And thanks to everybody that has texted me subsequently. The little things, you know?

I don't know why, it just kind of felt like a weird day yesterday. Do you guys ever get that feeling sometimes? Not necessarily a bad day, just kind of...weird.

I know. Coming from Captain Tangent, that's a profound-assed statement.

Geek Back Up

Anybody else think that she should have been Elektra?

I'm just saying.

That still is from an upcoming Sci-Fi/Horrible movie called "Ultraviolet"*. I don't know about y'all, but I've harbored a mini-croosh on Miz Jo-Vah-Vitch since "Return to the Blue Lagoon".
The fact that she has a penchant for taking off her clothes isn't really a strike against her either.


Back to the subject, there are many actors cast as Super Heroes where Hollywood just sorta...screws the pooch. For example: (Here we go)

Jason Statham? Woulda been a great Frank Castle aka the Punisher. Get him over his 'eavy accent, throw on a Toupee'...and he'd be golden. And even though he's been cast in "Ghost Rider" and I hate him, Nicholas Cage woulda been a good Punisher.

Guy Pearce? Matt Murdock, aka "Daredevil". Ham Affleck should stick to indie gigs in order to regain some career credibility. Lookit that pic, btw. And here I thought I had cheekbones.

Steve Buscemi? Bruce Banner aka "The Hulk". I woulda like to see the dichotomy between skinny nebbish doctor and, you know...the Hulk.

Naomi Watts? "The Invisible Woman", Sue Storm. Jessica Rassin' Alba was horrible.

I'm gonna go Old School for a second, and rail against Alec Baldwin. (B4 he reads my blog and decides to go kick my a$$) This guy woulda been perfect, PERFECT as Batman circa 1989. He was suave or gravelly when he needed to be. In pretty good shape around that time. Had a previous working relationship w/the director (Beetlejuice) He shoulda lobbied for himself to be Batman. Insteeead, he goes off and works on that turkey "The Phantom" (Which should have stayed in the hallowed antiquity that is radio.)


I'm tangenting, big time. Sorry for being so "Link heavy"

I didn't get much sleep last night, and the sleep I did get was Morgans induced after a wonderful night of BS at Whitey's. The BS and bruschetta were delicious. (Even though I think I shoulda got the seafood quesadilla's)

Roomies daughter is coming over to cook us dinner. That should be exciting. I still don't have a baking pan yet. Frass. I gotta go clean.


* The director was the same guy that did "Equilibrium" which I haven't seen but is supposed to be very cool. "Gun Kata's" and shit. BULLET POINT!

I am, that homeowner...

Seriously. Does anyone else get excited about this stuff? Prolly not.


(Sighs) I have become that homeowner.


Oh well...I'm going. So nyah. Anyone wanna go with me?

Big Hairy Survey

To Shave, or not to shave...That is the question...


Whether 'tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of the Gillette Mach 3 razor, and the invariable bumps and nicks that'll accompany not having shaved in like, 2 weeks. (run on sentence) Or to just shave off the filthy mo-fo. I've taken to chewing on my upper lip b/c of the crunchy beard texture, and unfortunately it probably makes me look a little bit nutty. Or like a muppet.


So, what'll it be kids? Facial hair, or not...Make a game out of it.

Whoa...

Nod to Keanu.


I sent this text out to some people last night, right after I got into my car from Gleason's.

"I flew"

If ya read her stuff, MD had already taken part of the madness that is wire fu. Not being one to miss the bandwagon, I figured I'd better see what all the fuss is about. So I went. And it goes a little something like this.


I got there around 8-ish and had to wait while they got the riggings up in the rafters (Which took them a good 30-45 minutes) Then the get the harness on you (Like a climbing belt, but cinched lower to account for ride-age) I noticed the snug-factor right away, and I tried to avoid making snarky "package" comments. ("Oooooooo male camel toe Oooooooooo Saddle Bags Oooooooo")

You go through the basics first: Getting used to walking around (It's a weird feeling) and taking mini-jumps, letting the counter weights pick you up (You get a goodly amount of air with just the 25 lbs counters)

Then they pull you up to see if you can lean back and stay flat on your back while being supported in mid air. (You start on the floor on your back, then they sloooowly bring you up) Next, they do the same with you lying face down. I started doing the full body flips right away so we moved on to "Level B"- Where they pull you straight up and you do 1-2 flips before they let you down again. (These were tricky. My impulse was to try and "jump" when they pull you, when you should just let the wires take you up. Also, when you do the flip you have to keep your body straight. I kept doing a "leg and arm tuck" out of habit.)

Crotch was chafing at this point, but I was having too much fun to care.

The cool stuff was next. (You know it'll be cool when the instructor guy says "Did you want to try some cool stuff?") Which entailed:

Big running start and jumping 15-20 feet and landing in a fighting stance/Getting pulled back (like I was punched/kicked) 15-20 feet and landing in a guard stance/ Tornado kicks 10 feet off the ground where you keep spinning and spinning and spinning/ And then we did the flying.

Just pure flying. And sure as f##k I got my ass tangled in the harness.

More than once I landed in a Spidey pose.

And I won't lie. It was cool to be surrounded by female gymnasts. ("Jace, is this guy here new? Is he here for the wire kung fu? gigglegigglegigglegigglegiggle")

It's not all glamour.

The guys let me guinea pig a new rig for them too. (The launched me at the school owner, who through a nerf football to me in mid-air. Awesome.) I didn't get home until 11:15ish. It was really fun, and I can't wait to go back and try it again. Brilliant.

Consider the source...

So, do you know my idea of a perfect day? And not the "me-me" kind we sometimes answer.

For me, it’s a day with no agenda. Either personal, or itinerized. And so, my bit chompers, Saturday is going to be presented in the form of "bullets" and "sound bites". While it may seem cryptic, we sayer’s of said sound-bites think that they are hilarious, and are the most accurate depiction of the day. If it seems random, well, that’s kind of the way the day was: Random. Anything else can and will be left to speculation. So have at it. (Ya Goofballs.)

To the hot server at the Egg and I who noticed a fabric softner sheet had fallen from my pant leg (I’m classy): "I’ve LOST MY POWER!!!" . I think she thought we were cool after that.

To the same server, who noticed when the Rambler almost left her scarf behind: "HER POWERS!"

"Heartily" is a funny word. "You had heartily shut the door before I missed you"…The Japanese guy in line at the Egg and I thought it was funny anyway.

(At Urban Harvest, from the Barrista) "That’s a great wallet"/"Thanks. It’s Goat" (Always gotta bring things back to the Faso, doncha Rambler?)

(On the "Stems and Vines" store kitties) "Kitty time is never wasted"

(On our parents) "My dad is into meditation"/"That means he naps"

"There will be no thinking allowed. Thinking is outlawed in Taylors Falls. Police, like, issue citations for it"

Regarding the concierge ("Mr.Walrus") at the hotel who took forEVAH to come out and check me in ("I think we seriously interrupted that dude’s bong-time.")

Cable cooking show on making everything with Apples: "Um, if you are using a hand crank ice cream maker, do you need to be on a glacier?" The cooking show hosts body language while "cranking the cream" was worth 5 minutes of laughter.

Same show, new comment "Next on the show, ‘Fermenting Ball-Sweat Ale’…"

On figure skating: "Somebody had to invent this?"/"The Russians"

On the play we read: "Well, there’s really only one way to read it."

About Schmidt: "Dear, Ndugu…"

On bloody mary’s: They are good day starters

Sidebar: We entered a used bookstore/antique store/mystical bongo earth Mother store. It was cool, but weird. The owner sort of "Bamfed" and materialized behind the counter in a wisp of brimstone and scarves. I left the rambler to chat while I checked out some antiques. A very sweet lady, we talked about drum circles and her art ($3600 for my favorite piece? Ehhhh, I don’t think so) I opted to support the town, and bought a small framed print of a Marseille Port that I thought was pretty. The Rambler and I checked out some used books, which is where we’ll continue our journey:

(Actual used book title: "Conversations with God")
"Hey P"/"Hey God…what’s up?"/"Not much, seeing what you’re up to tonight?"/"Eh, I’m probably gonna stay in and watch ‘Lost’. You?"/"Eh, I’m gonna head out to Nye’s around 9"/"Cool, well, hit me on my cell if you wanna hang or something"/"Cool dude…later"

"I’m going down to the bottom, RAPture…"/"I fucking hate Lorie Line"

(We "sneak in" to the Park)
"I fucking hate boat rides. Fuck you, boat rides"
"I feel like a New Yorker"
"I don’t think we can go down that way" (Only funny b/c we said it, ohhhh, 3 or 4 times)
"I dare you to step out onto the ice"/"I dare myself to say ‘Fuck No!’ "
"I fucking hate man hole covers. Fuck you manhole covers"/"Man-hole covers, btw…"

"What do you want to do?"/"Well, you’re going to want to eat later"/"Great. I’ll eat, and what are you going to do? Sit there and watch me?"

"We can talk about that later…"/"BULLET POINT!"

"We should make up responses to things like ‘Hey, How are you doing today?"/"I’m Tide with Bleach, baby…Tide-With-Bleach"

"Are you still reading that book?"/"Yeah, no…It started getting to be all about ‘Building these fortresses’, and ‘How high are the walls?’ and ‘Do you have enough guards?’ and ‘Are their bows sharpened?’…)

(Inserting a brief respite for dinner at the lobby bar. I had an underwhelming grilled chicky sammich and revolting salad. Rambler enjoyed 5 out of 8 quesadillas. We continued drinking)


"Thank you for being honest with me"/"Doi"


(On the sexy seniors who were dining across the restaurant) "I see your demographic there"/"Cool. Okay, we’re going to leave together, and theeeeeen I’m gonna come back in and ask if anyone has an extra towel.."
(On pool) "Sometimes it’s fun just to hit the balls"
(On the Juke) "Oooooo they have ‘Frat Rock!’/"Oh Fuck No!"
(On human sacrifice) "Excuse me, do you have ‘carb friendly’ human blood?

(Soundbites on s#itty T.F. hotel hot tubs)
"You’re like, the ‘B-Squad’ Siren. Luring Greek Sailors to the overheated hot tub"/ "The fucking jets don’t work? FUCK!"/ "You were so unhappy with the hot tub"

(On early curfews)
"No one is going to believe we went to bed at 10:30pm."

(On early risers)
"No one is going to believe we got up at 7:30am"/"I woke up thinking about breakfast"

(On dad-blasted WI restaurants who should serve breakfast, but don’t)
"I fucking hate Eichten$. Fuck you, Eichten$!"

(On the fact that there were no breakfast places between Hwy 8 and 35W, then 35W until Co Rd 88)
"Um, where do these people eat?"
"I bet if ‘Trappers’ served breakfast it would be pretty good"

(On "the Perk")
"I’d like 12 Tremendous 12’s…so, like, the Tremendous 144 and stuff"/"Good math"
" I am so intrigued by Wilmer" (Our server)
"So, sir let me get this straight: You want a glass of water (yes), a large orange juice (yes), and a coffee? (yes)" (Rolls his eyes)
"I think I laughed too loud, I’m getting reproachful gazes"/"I really feel like having sausage"

"I’m gonna have to post that tomorrow"/" What’s sad is that we’re not going to remember half this funny shit tomorrow"

So.

There is the play by play. I’ll probably have clarifiers thrown in by the Road-Trip-Buddy. The lesson? Good days are rare.

How about y’all? When was the last time you had a really good day. I've got a few that I could mention, but I'm hoggin' the airspace...

Donna Summer?
Simma Donna!

SUCH an interesting and somewhat (surprisingly) relaxing weekend, pampers. Now, I could tell ya all that gory details, but I think the overwhelming laziness of a portion of it will drive the masses into a media frenzy of speculation and rumor. So, in order to provide you with a thoughtful, if not confusing bloog today, I may have to code some of this for safety purposes. Don’t worry. It shouldn’t be too cryptic. And once you figure it out, everything will be shampoo and conditioner in one. That’s right, shampoo and conditioner…in one.

Friday night was all right for fighting. Well, no, it actually was kinda boring. I was reprimanded for not wearing a cage, and class was made up of (pretty much) 1.5 hours of drills. Now, I like learning fighting technique as well as the next person, but seriously there was no continuous sparring to break up class. That, coupled w/the fact that I must have lost my elbow pads at the Junction (meaning I had to dig through lost and found, only to find a pair of "kids sized" elbow pads to wear. Can we say "No blood flow?") COUPLED with the fact that I was pointed out as the one you "shouldn’t hit in the face", CAH-PULLED with the fact that in a couple of clashes some over-exuberant brown belt dug into the meat of my anterior tibalis, completely numbing the side of my shin. Class was definitely not sine, co-sine, and tangent. Not- Trig. And, I barely sweat.

So, I went home and ran a couple miles.

I was able to finish up some detail painting and meet up with W cubed and dorajar over at JP’s. Cold as hell, would describe the weather methinks. (The mere fact that I know it’s 61 degree’s in SF right now turns me meteorologically green.) FeeJ and Huge showed up with her oot friend (FeeJ, really, I feel like a big time, BIG TIME schmo for tossing the Huge. Not, Cool, P. And definitely NOT Cool Ranch Dorito’s of me to do.) I ended up kibbitzing a bit later than I expected, and since I had an early day on Sats, I tore a$$ home to get the semblance of a good nights sleep.

Saturday was fun.

Sunday was top-shelf liquor: The new roomie and I had a big time heart to heart early in the am. RsVP came over and re-wired a couple of outlets/entry light. (Yay projects.) DeeT’s hooked me up with a faux-butcher block table that’ll land nicely in the nook. (A great addition for, ohhh, serving food @ a party. Not sayin’, just sayin.) And I got some more pictures/decorations hung up. (Something I’ve been putting off, but since they aren’t on the ground any more, the rooms are looking a little less cluttered.) I’m really hoping for a Depot run this week to get some last minnit touch uppy kinda things and I should be smooth sailing for the next couple of months.

Funny thing. I got a boo-too headache and had to nap. Like, knock me on my a$$ headache. (I never get'em, less'n it's after a particularly "wine-y" evening, y'know? ) I’m thinking that the previous day of leisure lulled me into a false sense of security, so that vigorously attacking projects the next day caught up with me in full force.

A call later from Ry-Gonn beckoned me to points Southward to watch the big-game. (As well as the promise of steamed chicken w/mixed veggies from Fresh Wok, and bless Ry’s heart- a slice of vegetarian pizza from Luce’. Needless to say I was uncomfortably stuffed during the 3rd and 4th quarter) The commercials were okay this year. A couple of belly laughers (The: "Don’t judge too quickly" from Ameriquest were my fave’s) Although the highlight soundbite of the evening was:


"So, P…I hear you have a new SO…I’m surprised you haven’t told us?"

(Insert needle scratching noise…then crickets…then stares from the peanut gallery.)

My headache returned. So, I went home, and then went to bed.

Biscuits and Gravy.

Lo, I am quit

The boss bought me beer.

"What?"

"I don’t know, I know you don’t eat cupcakes or cake, so I didn’t know what to get you."

"Wha-?"

"Just make sure you chew gum before any customers show up so they don't smell your breath"

And that...my friends... was the day, the hardest boss I’ve ever worked for... let me pull from ice cold Australian Beer bottle while we talked, and laughed, and ignored the hell out of whoever was in the store front. All on company time. Which was basically 10-15 minutes. She even let me keep the last 4. I was able to enter the next 3 hours with a ridiculous buzz, all while helping these dork-pies get ready for their winter formal.

And then it was dead for the last half hour.
And then my friend Ry-gonn showed up.
And then I kicked him out after getting the wedding stuff planned out for him.
And then I left notes for my co-workers and T-dawg.*

And then I was done.





*I got a farewell note from my co-worker. She’s Hmong, so obviously I had to make mistakes with her ethnicity, calling her everything from Mongolian, to Tibetan, to Siberian, to Spanish. I was shameless. Whenever she’d mumble, I say "What? What? I don’t speak…what is that? Hmongese?!?!" In turn, sweetheart that she is, would teach me about Hmong Culture. Her 15 and 14 year old cousins who got married. (really) Her "dumb" boyfriend. We’d fight over who got to inhale the window cleaner whenever we'd work together. She'd bitch about her freshmen classes at the "U". And I’d tell her to stop using a pen to draw a star in the same place on her hand- "Just get a frickin’ tattoo already!!!"

Anyway, the note almost made me cry. I left the syntax as is.

"M---! I love ya! It was my pleasure to knowing you! You have been a great impact in my life! Thank you for your great advices and picking on me. It kept me going-.Thank You!! Come back and visit! Good Luck in Life!! Hey Keep That Head Up!!!"

Okay.

So I guess I’ll miss one thing.

Happy F Day

Oof. You’d think the frass would have let up this week, but dag yo- The closer I get to the oft desired weekend, the more frafficult it becomes.

Fer starts: I worked in Woodbury this am, as I do every Friday morning. A difficult wake upt today as a result of my final ass night at the shoppe. (More on that in a minute) and also the new Roomie coming over to finalize $. Dorajar joined us and we raised a celebratory toast to my final day. Well, the BS was cooking, and I just didn’t get to bed until, oooo, later.

So I’m trying to clear out the cobwebs, and as I get going I realize that I’m starting on my commute to Maple Grove. (Thanking my lucky stars that I didn’t get very far b4 turning around) Upon caffeinating heavily, I start to log in to my "remote" PC when…

Nothing. Nada. No Email, 'Net, and I guess most importantly- The tools I need to do my job. Great.

One hot ticket to the ISD service desk and 2.5 hours later, I’m back online. The culprit? The night before, someone plugged the network cord into a dead port. Lame.
So, I’m back. And tired. And really looking forward to a relaxing day tomorrow. Which I believe will include coffee, Tabasco, and eggs.

Soopah Bowel Sunday coming up. Here’s to seeing some hilarity in the form of adverts. I will more than likely be sitting on my tuckus, scratching.

Thursday Salt Lick

You’d think that it’s too early for frassin’, but I got frass to spare this morning. Superfluous Frass. A frass surplus.

1st of all, I choked down my 1st green tea in forever. (Mint flavor or not, I think my subconscious "let’s" me forget to drink a glass a day. ) Upon digging through the cupboard which is my bottom work drawer (C’mon, I can’t be the only one to have this? The extra "borrowed" sugar packets, plastic utensils, paper plates, etc. I’m the only one? Crap. I am my parents) So, I normally have some honey in there so that I can attempt to mask the ass taste, except I don’t have any. All gone. And there isn’t any in the cafeteria. Or servery, or whatever high-falutin’ name it gets called.

2nd of all, they charged me $.11 for my hot water. I don’t think I’ve ever been charged, so I’m thinking this is a new policy. Fine. Except I didn’t have it so I had to bogart a dime and a penny from the "Have one Give One" cup. (Yeah, I returned it. Chill.) Also? Our Woodbury site does the same thing, except they only charge a dime. Hmmmmm, I didn’t know the exchange rate gets all fucked up when you cross the Mississippi. Next week they’ll ask for kronaurs or rupee’s or some shit just to make me crabbycakes.

3rd-The coffee of the day was Vanilla Nut. SCORE! Anytime they have a better tasting coffee than the ass-tastic house blend I think that life is a pretty sweet fruit. Normally, I wait for my co-worker to go down there with me- HOWEVER he brought his OWN coffee from home. (Which, he promptly spilled down the front of his shirt. KARMA motherf#cker…what I’m sayin’!) Anyway, it was gone. The Vanilla Nut. All within a span of 15-20 minutes of my first observation. Zounds, say I, as I find myself choking down Ass Blend.

4th- Someone commented on my footwear. Look. All right. Yes. So I’m wearing the shirt, tie, and dress pants…but I have got to be me, and the black old school tennies are stayin. Dig? (Plus, WAY more comfy than the Nunn Bush. Those shoes crack me up for the exact same reason all of you are all thinking too. Which probably means that I’m the only one who has the emotional maturity of an 11 year old. Great. FeeJ also used the term "Guac-Off" which sent me into hysterics. " 'Scuse me...I'll be in the shower guac-ing of*..." So that was much MUCH funnier to me.)

5th-Retroactive frass: Last night I wanted to whip up a Salmon fillet. I’ve had one in the freezer since a house and a half ago, so I figured it was high-time to cook the sumbitch. I let it thaw over night, took it out, went to grab a pan when WTF!?!? I no longer have any baking receptacles. None. Bush. So I had to toss the foil wrapped SOB in for an hour.

6th-I now get to attend a meeting where the other coaches in my dept. review a call that "I" scored. Great. Jury of my peers, coming up.

Ugh! HOOOOUUUUSSEEE BLLLEEEEENNNND!

Grease is the word...

Y’all know I’m nuts about food. And I have the tendency to fixate on it. (Even if my appetite still isn’t quite back to where it used to be.)

The past several days on my morning commute, I drive past the BK on Lowry and Warshington…and I’ve been fighting the overwhelming urge to head to the drive through and get a gawdamn croissan’wich. I even hate saying croissan’wich. I still want one. Or find a McD’s and get a frassin Egg McMuffin. Or brefkist biscuit sandwich.

Even worse?

I wanted to try one of those heart stopping Ginormous Meatwich Breakfast Sammiches. The one I railed against a few months ago? Seems like a pretty good idea right now. Yessireee that 7,000 calorie jobbie which I imagine would cause my system to automatically shut down. After I was dead, with all the nitrites and preservatives in me, I’d probably keep up rather well as a corpse. Prop my ginormous meatwiched self up at the Science Museum next to the mummy. (I can just hear the smart kids asking the docent: "Is that australopithicus? Cro-magnon Man? Neanderthal?"/"No. This is a well-preserved specimen of 'Meatwich Man'"/"Oooooooooooooo. He still has cheese in his fingernails")

This jones has probably been brought on by the fact that I’m nursing a mild wine hangover. Sooooo: Grease is the word, knowwhutI’msaying?

(Grumble frass…back to my blueberry yogurt. Frass)

OH DAMN- Famous Daves Breakfast/Brunch Buffet! UN-limited eggs and bacon…Mmmmmmmm baaacon. Is there anything you can’t do?

Whee Doggies.

Long days can really bust your chops, you know? Tuesdays are now "officially" my long day (Working late) which I suppose means I can allow myself a "late" night on Mondays. (Yeah right. Grampa here will still manage to get to bed by 9pm he can manage." Whenever I put in a long day, either willingly or no, I just feel like I ran wind sprints. Ex. Austing.

Last night I was able to catch up with my friend, the gay burrito who came in town to check on his old house. Poor guy has relocated out to Bumblefrass No-Where WI and I’m always curious how a gay metropolitan city boy can handle living out in the sticks. ("Dude, you live in WI."/ "Yeah, but I’m on 40 acres!"/"Dude, you still live in WI.") We had a mini-celebre’ since he has now obtained gainful employment at the Big Gay Wagon Company. (Gracias for that term, Mistah Grimes) American Idol, was watched. His cute dogs were all licky. ("Dog, quit chewing on my shoe. Do you know how deadly the foot that goes in that shoe can BE? DO YOU!!!???!) His evil cat, Betty, succeeded in putting another hole in my "safety gloves". Still, he’s going to have to commute his ass from (basically) Turtle Lake to Bloomington. That’ll suck.

Afterwards, I met the WW superstars at Mancini’s along w/Tallen, Dorajar, and Future Roomie DeeT's. I’d never been to the char house before ("Pull up a char" said FW "A what?" said I/"Well, yer at the ‘Char House’…pull up a CHAR!" That, my friends, is funny s#it to me.) Karaoke was sung. And really cool semi-sober banter was engaged in. All told, not a bad way to spend a Tuesday. It was cool, b/c last night and Sunday were so chore-centric and dull that being around friends really made things nicer.

And this was all during one of the crappiest slipperiest snow storms we’ve had all winter.
Anyway, what have we learned today?

1-Mancini’s is a fun-a$$ed bar. Not too loud.+ Comfy seats + And Sexy Singing Seniors (My demographic*)
2-Showtunes sung at karaoke will always draw blank stares. And the background music will always be a half beat behind the soundtrack. Always. I should have stuck with "My Fair Lady"
3-During slippery snowstorms Shakopee=Egypt. And I will always get stuck behind two semi’s driving tandem in both lanes. Going so re-dicklously slow probably saved my life.
4-Redwright gets all my love and positive vibes. Every ounce I can muster.
5-Funny sound bite: "I’m not a tenor anymore". "None of us are tenor’s anymore". Am I the only guy who thinks that sounds strangely profound?
6-The "insert name brand" Power Protein Bar in Cookie Dough= Ass. Do not eat. Big thumbs down. Eating it was like a sick "Fear Factor" dare.**
7-Apparently I picked a good color scheme for the new roomies room. HAH. Take THAT interior designers! Webelos Yellow and Blue is a PERFECT match! Lil' Cub Scout humor there, y'all. Pay me no mind.
8-Yes. I did have that conversation the other day with the ski slope lady (re: "5-6 inches") Yes, she did hang up.

All the equal signs and plus signs you’d think I was trying to teach y’all math or something.

*Funny story about seniors. I was talking to a friend who mentioned the same female several times in the course of our conversations. It prompted me to ask :

"So, is she your special lady friend?"
"Dear God no, she’s 70 years old."
"Well hey, if that’s your thing, far be it for me to judge."
You had to be there.

**This is coming from someone who, as a kid, could eat an entire tube of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. The mere fact that I didn’t obtain Salmonella is miraculous. Although, I do like Salmon an awful lot. Hmmmmmmm

Tuesday Quick Hits

You know, ‘cause I gotta do work and stuff too (I just can’t let a day go by, can I? I want you all to take a little P with ya to brighten your day):

1-So I’m checking out Snow Tubing parks for a weekend excursion, and as you know the weather has been really warm lately so I asked the nice lady at tubing park to see if there hills will be open. Our dialogue:

Tube Lady: "We groom every day, so right there you'll have a good 5-6 inches"
P: "Terrific! Well miss- I also, in fact, groom every day...and I can appreciate someone who likes a good 5-6 inches..."

And then she hung up. She must get that a lot.

2-I think that whoever invented the "Ring Top" soup cans for easy opening is a genius. I would pretend to pull the ring and throw it like a grenade except, you know, I’d lose my soup.

3-I’m aware that I have a really bizarre patter/writing style. It makes many, many people frequently say "WTF?" Secretly, I hope it’ll pass off as something resembling charm and wit, causing mad throngs of women to want to throw their underwear at me. Again- "WTF?"

4-Online, and for the record: I really, seriously, thought "Transporter 2" was a boo too disappointment. (Sorry loves. I like the Statham too.) Ask me to elaborate sometime and I will.

5-I cooked up a mess O’ hardboiled eggs the other day. A mess. They turned out pretty well (Shells came off easily, etc…) and lordy knows I need the protein. But MAN, did my house REEK of egg for the rest of the day. My fridge still smells a little sulphury. Ish.

6-Since Sunday? I’ve eaten all the eggs. Well, the whites anyway. My mom would be pissed that I threw out the yolks to the birds. Cool Hand Luke, I ain't...

7-El Paso Black Bean Salsa is the bomb.

8-I asked my Indian co-worker how to say "Safe Travels" in Hindi so I could write something that looked all High-Falutin’ for my friend MD’s trip to India. She looked at me and smiled, and then said "Give me some paper" Still Smiling. She wrote Aapki yaatra sukhad ho. (And: Lil’ pat on the back to me, thanks. According to her I pronounced it "Very Good") Anyway, she kept smiling and I asked if it actually said "safe journeys" and she said "Yes". Well, I can’t say that I 100% believe her. I think it probably says something like "Nice Rack" or "You’ve got a nice dumper" or something crass. She’s sneaky that way.

9-I had a dream the other night that I started an interactive dinner theatre experience in Saint Paul called "We Gotta Porno". Really no explanation needed, since y’all probably get the jist of what it’s about. Anyway, I think if I get it up and running it’ll sell like IHOP pancakes.
It was a really effin’ good dream too. I’m thinking Freud is spinning in his grave over that one.

10- Words that are still pretty gawdamn funny: Choad, Merkin, Muffin Top, Foopa, Hussy, Gonads. (Which is terrible, because it makes me laugh when I see someone type out "Gnocchi")

11- Speaking of terrible word association: A co-worker was eating "Famous Amos" cookies so I walk by his desk and say "Ohhhhh, munching on some ‘Famous Anus" huh?" Miracle. I’ll be unemployed soon.

12-Ooooo- When using the restroom, I hate being relegated to the "shorter" urinal. It makes me feel like Uncle Buck

13- (Last one, I swear) This is terrible. I donated $10 to a raffle for a co-worker whose husband recently passed away due to cancer. I'm happy to donate toward this sort of thing...but I won't lie. I really want to win a digital camera.

A secret

So, y'all know about those anonymous secrets where people leave really f#cked up s#it (ex: "I stick my w#iner in the jello mold when no one is looking" crap like that.)

Well.

I have a confession that I won't even attempt to mask my identity.

Last night when I was fighting here , I was told by several people that "You can tell that you're RsVP's brother by the way you fight" or "Oh, that was totally what RsVP would do" or "Are you going to do that same annoying shit your brother does and sit there and smile?" (Guess who said that, Biggs?)

Now, I respond to this in the same light hearted self-deprecating jokey s#it manner with which I usually treat most of my life. "Noooo, he's a superior martial artist" or "Whatever, if he here's that he'll kill me". I used to think that I wanted to carve my own niche' as a martial artist, y'know? Bro is good at fighting. Maybe I'd be really good at forms, or doing jump spinny flippy kind of stuff.

Here's the secret:

Really? Really-Really? I think that it is pretty fucking cool that they see that. 'Cause I happen to think that means that I had one of the best fucking teacher/mentor/senbei's around. And the bits and pieces of advice here and there pop out when I'm fighting. Even after not having fought in ages.

Or maybe I'm really delusional.

Jump reverse side-kick, btw. I caught a coupla peeps w/it.

Mr. K said "Yeah...that's an RsVp thing to do."

Domo, Biggs.

Friday Fog, and Yawn-i

Fallen Balls I’m tired! Really Really Really tired. Really. It doesn’t help that my body lacks the capacity to "sleep in" effectively halting any chance of recovering sleep. Even if I come home around 4am. No lie. The brain and bod says "GO TIME" and it’s up and at’em. Granted, my faculties don’t return until I’ve had that 1st cuppa delightful java. (And, there is the fact that I’m not the prettiest man lounging around in my Spiderman Undies and bathrobe. I take that back. That is, in fact, when I am sexiest. Boo-yah.) So, because this weekend was allllmost epic in it’s telling, I’m finna break it up like this: 3 part harmony.

I guess my tale starts Friday with a fantastic production of "Ghosts". Now, my open disclaimer is that I’m not a ginormous fan of Ibsen (Blame my theater history 3713 prof for making it the driest part of lecture. Would it have killed him to give Ibby-Ibby buck buck a little moisture?) It was fantastic. LSA was my ssDate for the night, and we had a great time "laughing at the stuff no one else thought was funny". Dorajar, DC and the rest of the cast were terrific, and technically the lights and sound kicked all sorts of hard-ace too. What I was presented with was a very intense night of theatre. Loved it.

(Here’s where things get, interesting.) LSA, ES, Kaiser, and I joined the cast next door at Preston’s. After cocktailing for a minute, Dora and I hightailed it to her friends house for a lil’ hoottubbing. (Seemed like a hot ticket. And lord knows I’ve been a sore monkey lately) before ya know it, I’m facing down the high end of (close to) 3 in the a.m. Standing outside with a wet head of hair, (It's a miracle I didn't get sick) And I gots to be at work in 5 hours.

A term I’m fond of is "you danced…now you gotta pay the piper."

So how WAS work you might ask? Read on...

Sats

Sats I worked. Worky worky worky.

And of course, the costume shoppe was a mess w/non-stop customers. Loeverly to deal with when you are boo-too tired. The one highlight came in the form of my friend Ry-Gonn coming in to register his wedding. I’m the, coughcough, Best Man, and was also able to use my pull to give him the PHAT hookup. After getting home and scoring a nap (btw, a tip for my loyal readers? Never call a saucy Brit who’s just stepped out of the shower to answer your call. You’ll get the play by play. Just sayin’) I hit the Pat Show turned out to be a mini-KFH reunion. MD looked hotter n’a biscuit and sported her cute new haircut (Her shower did little to mask the smell of cabbage), and Gabe was just plain effin’ funny. If you see the pic, you can tell how much of an unphotogenic muppet I am. Yes, I’m wearing a tux shirt and jeans. I’m hip like that. And only like that. Pat was HI-larious, the company was killer, and like a lame ass I bolted during intermission. ("whhhhhyyy are you goooooing" Breaks the heart)

It was moving closer to home (Midnightish) and I had the chance to see some more frie.... Let me just stop myself here to describe, the company (who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent) She was wearing the equivalent of a denim napkin as a skirt. (And I thought of the movie "Hot Shots", very briefly, and the dialogue: "Nice Legs"/"Thank You. I just had them lengthened. Now they go all the way up") Pleasant distractions indeed.

Now, I happen to very much enjoy the company I keep. And I happen to think that I have some incredibly beautiful friends.

I happen to know that, again, I di’int get home ‘til wee hours.

At this point, you’re probably saying to yourself a couple of things: "Must be rough" Or "You danced, P….yadda yadda yadda what you said before" or "Lemme tighten the strings on my violin....wanker" Bear in mind, I allow m’self maybe one or two late night excursions a month. I'm a baby, I admit. But doing them Back to Back?

Welllll, let’s just say that I didn’t get up at the crack of Dawn to get humping on the PJ’s like I thought. Check it ouuuuut....

Sunday

Sunday, I was a slow child at play.

I had every intention of getting up at the boot-crack of dawn-priming, painting, and getting DeeT’s room ready for his move in. After a Depot trip to get the Mediterranean Blue paint (Which, btw, took FOREVER to get. 45 minutes to get paint? F##kers! I am an impatient git.) Getting home, Kilz-ing the red s#it (Yeah, fun) Moving furniture, up the ladder down the ladder, out to voice audition, out to the Junction to let MD whomp on me (More on that later), coming home with what felt an awful lot like a broken elbow, back home, to start painting. It just took forever. 1 room. I am just not a paintin’ fool. OH, PLUS the fact that my ex-roommate thought that it was a terrific idea to remove EVERY door upstairs, I had to go down to the basement and get the corresponding door to his bedroom.

I live in an old house. The doors are solid. Solid Oak. And ‘eavy. And I grabbed and carried upstairs 2 of the wrong doors before finally getting the right one. This, btw, is with Mr. Smashy-elbow. I was pi$$y, sore, and tired.

And I looked at the clock and noticed that "Hey…it’s almost 1 am!" GOR-geous. And I got me more painting/detailing to do tonight. Poop.

On a different note: 2 pieces of terrific news.
DeeT’s was cast in "Thoreau". If you’ve never seen ebullient behavior after getting cast, you need to meet my roommate. Congrats DeeTs!
Send "Safe Travel" vibes to my hawt friend MD as she embarks on a 3 week trip to India. Ramble on, sister. And bring me back something…Indian. MD. Huh. Should be more like, "LB". Lucky biiiiiaaaatch!!!

So...


Not to be wah wah boo-hoo… but I’m kinda thinking this is getting silly. I won’t be "Fence" straddling, as it turns out so I guess I’m going to have a fairly-free Spring after all. (I think that it was probably the nicest "Thanks and Sorry" call I've ever received. It actually made me smile.

For those keeping track: Since September-ish it’ll be (ohhhhh) 4 out of 5 shows that I’ve auditioned for that I haven’t been cast in. This doesn’t bode well. The bad-bodeing is b/c I’m pretty choosy in regards to the gigs I go for, and therefore the impact is greater when I don’t get’em. Make sense? And so far, there ain't much out there that's floating my boat. KFH having a remount soon? Anybody?

Crap.

And other choice swear words.


So I made a little list of things that are happening in my immediate future to look forward to:

A concert tonight. With good people. Always good times.
Registering my best friends wedding. And the fact that after today it’ll be 1 day left at the store.
Getting the house ready. Bi-fold door on the bath, new outlets, paint, and a couple of ceiling fans’ll be nice
Taking stand-up classes with Eug. Okay. I’ll do’em. Fine. Get off my back. Back-getters.
Mixing it up w/MD. My dance card is wiiiiiiide open darlin’. And I have large fists.
Seeing Man O’ LaLunchables. Thanks for taking me, mom and dad. I know it’ll be good.
Getting out of dodge next weekend. Even for a day. The company will be worth it.
Urban Harvest coffee. There is love in it, or roofies. I can’t be sure.

Have a good weekend peeps. I’ll post my "Ghosts" review later. It was good. And the statue of Ibsen does, in fact, look like he grew a pair of balls out of the side of his face.

I’m 12 years old. Deal.

Happy Friday Frass...

'Kay.

So, I get up allll early and stuff thinking "Hmmmm, since I have to work all day tomorrow doing OT- I might as well leave a little early today"

I figure I'd leave at 3pm, thereby giving me sufficient time to go home, nap, workout, and get to see "Ghosts" in plenty of time.

So I'm here by, oh, 6-6:15am. In Woodbury. Knowing I'm going to have to run back to the Grove that is Maple, 37 miles away.

When I get an email saying that I'm the "closer"tonight, soooo I get to stay until 6pm.
Closer, means "Loser" with a "C".

Six until Six. I am that guy. I want to see if I can pawn it off on my co-worker, the chubby sergeant. Lord. I think I won't make it.

Meaning I will look all sexy and unslept when I see the show tonight.
Which means no "chub-burning" jog.
Ugh.
Which means, no matter how late you stay...keep me occupied. Lest I be found here covered in cobwebs...Shoot. I may as well spend the night here since I have to be back in the a.m.

This seems like so much of a Debbie Downer blog, so I'll try to lighten it up with something:

Twinkies have an actual shelf life of around 37 days. (Unlike the urban legend of, Ohhhh, 100 years.)

Which doesn't matter 'cause I still wouldn't eat the filthy mo-fo.

Ghosts tonight!
Possible Pat Show/Dancing/Big Brother-palooza tomorrow
Sunday is back to what? THAT'S RIGHT loyal readers: HOME PROJECTS (Screaming throngs all stand and rejoice.) I gotta make the new roomies room look all royal and stuff.

'Cause he's a king, baby.

XO

R.A.O.K

(Random Act of Kindness)

I went for a jog last night right before my callback. As I was heading down 29th (Down the home stretch) I saw a guy who was strug-strug-struggling with a mattress and box-spring. He had one of those TUB’s deals, and couldn’t quite get’em in.

So I helped him. And that felt pretty darn good.

(It reminded me of a story from bible-y nursery school. "God came to earth disguised as a beggar. As he was trying to make his way through the city, he was jostled and accosted and treated very poorly. Finally, one man took pity on him and brought him to his home. The man fed the beggar, allowed him to bathe, and told him that it was all right if he wanted to stay with his family. God revealed himself to the man, and stated that for his generosity he would be allowed a supreme reward. The man told God that the only thing he wanted was to continue doing kind deeds, without knowing he did them. And God thought that this was a pretty good idea." I'm paraphrasing the hell out of that, and I'm sure I've heard it before with a forest witch or a wizard or a lemming, but you get the idea, right? My other favorite was "Talent is God-given...so be humble". So there they are)


The Callback last night went fine. (It wasn't a date exactly, Butterfly Girl. And No, no kissing.) There was a bit of a wait, as they wanted the Shauna’s to go 1st and then the Sams…leaving the Bobby scene’s until the bitter end. Which really wasn’t a huge trip either way. (Only 5 Bobby’s were called back.) AC stopped over to say hey, as did Kaiser who were both upstairs for "12th Angry Night" rehearsals. One great surprise was that my friend Reid who I’d worked with on a couple of MoCW shows was there. A nice guy, he tells me that he’s engaged and flying out to hang with his fiancee’ who’s travelling through Thailand. The ramble strikes again.

Afterwards, I met w/Future roomie ( I wanted a status/welfare check), Tallen, and Redwright over at Prestons. Then Home sweet Home where I talked to Orley for what turned out to be almost 2 hours. (We had a s#itload of catching up to do. It’s been almost 2 years since I’ve seen her! Shoot, she was juuuust starting to be all pregnant N’stuff.) Because I am an agreeable guy, I’ve been invited to Harmony Park for a music festival over Memorial Day (Camping trip.) Huh. And I was told several times that her friend LC was "hilarious". So, behold:

Here is your shout out Paintergirl. Veeno soon.

My bud MD gave me a book report on this wire-fu gig we were invited to. She said it’s pretty cool, so I’m gonna be draggin’ my buns out to Eagan next week to get strapped in and make like Spidey.

Which sounds really feckin’ cool.

Or, you know...shite to put on the rezzie, right?

Countdown: 3 "Knights" left at crappy job # 2. Yee to the Haw, Hillbillies…no more working w/ costumes/formal wear. Or customers.

Blogger!!!!!!!

Frassin' Blogger. Frassin' down!

And here's me with a boat load of commentary.

Like the 3 ladies I caught today wearing Red Shirts and khaki's. Um, like, didn't you get the memo that it was red-shirt "Wednesdays?" Helllooo?

We have new microwaves at work for my soup-cookin'. (The old ones were cracked, and apparently that causes microwave emissions into the room.) I asked the guy replacing them if long enough exposure would give me powers like the Human Torch or (coughcough) "Mr. Fantastic" if youknowwhutI'm sayin'...wink wink? I admired his wise response: "No speake' Englee"...

(Still. To be able to stretch and elongate, you know...any part of your body? Sick.)

So, the new microwaves are these industrial "Turn Dial" so you need to turn the knob to the length of time you want. No biggie, but coming off of the old digital push-button jobbies we had before...shoot, I must have stood there staring at the knobs for at least 5 minutes. "How the fuck am I supposed to...Ohhhhhhh..."

In response to the comment from earlier today "If you love coffee so much, P, why don't you marry it?" I can only say this: Yes, I am in love with coffee, and it's my great pleasure to announce our engagement. I know that it sounds like it may be "too soon"to some of you, but we truly and deeply feel the commitment + dedication that is meant for two beings in love. A Fall wedding is planned. RSVP's can be sent c/o House Blend. Email responses can be CC'd to Sumatra.

Whoooo, a little too much tabasco in the soup today.

Easy Peeves

Lots of Peevish Peccadilloes since we're so busy. It's getting frustrating trying to finish any assignments b/c my co-workers keep coming up with questions! Here are some examples of more (little) annoying things that chap my hide. These are closer to P than most, but you’ll get the jist.

Leaving the the grocery store and you’re following someone who has a cart. As soon as they exit (Cub/Rainbow/wherever) they just. STOP. And you nearly pile into them. I call it "State Fair Syndrome". I also call it "annoying". What, do you have a frickin’ shock collar now? Sheesh. MOVE!

The dude in our conservation unit who found out that I’m an actor and now, NOW decides to come over and talk about the show he’s in. And he sings. A lot. Mostly he starts up when he walks by my desk. He looks like a larger version of Tim Curry, which normally would be cool, except this guy doesn’t wash his hands after using the men’s room. Ever. That last part is my biggest peeve.

Commenting on my diet. Please? Sheesh. I eat. I do. I get enough to get by and stay energized and focused. I avoid the superfluous cal’s b/c really? Really. I don’t need’em. FYI:
1 Cup Yogurt, 1 banana, 1 box raisins, 10 pretzel rods, 2 cups of soup, ½ cup of cottage cheese, and a little something else snacky later in the day. It’s good. I don’t feel hungry. And it makes for a cheap date, since I’m only good for a 3 drink minimum. That last part is untrue. Strawberry Vodka on the other hand…whew. Oh, and stop treating the fact that I might eat a piece of chocolate once in a blue moon as an act of God. It’s a fact that God happens to look like Richard Simmons. Except female. When it rains, she’s doing step-aerobics.

Finding out I do ‘Fu, then trying to hit me. I’ve railed on this before, but man. We hit back. Seriously.

When the ladies in Policy Accounting have a potluck. Which they do. Bi-Weekly. It makes the poor team members that work in my department get so damn mad that they are tethered to their desk for 8.5 hours. I feel their pain.

Hypocrites. Say, 1 thing. Act/Do another. That’s really general, but you know- Know thyself.

Condescending P#icks. If you do it towards me? Don’t. Listen to yourself. Listen to how you sound. Do you think I don’t hear it? And if you don’t care, do you think I want to hear it? And if you don’t care, cover your S’nuts. For they may be removed.
That’s about all for today.

Whenever I've ever done any or some of the above list. Sorry. I do wash my hands.

Geeking of Speak

Red Shirts:

Little known geek noun that describes the people in the Star Trek canon that are basically the disposable extra's. (You know the ones: Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Sulu, and Chekhov go down to a class M planet. In tow are 2-3 "red shirts". You know that those random red-shirt guys are dead-ass-meat.)

So today, and this is way too stupid to be a coincidence. There are at least 11 people wearing some shade of red shirt/sweater. In the team meeting I just lead, there were 3 sitting at the table in front of me. Making 4 total for conference room 231. Yeah. Including me.

We're toast.

Thai me, you'll like me...

SUCH an interesting day yesterday. Let’s see-

The network wankers decided to cancel "The Book of Daniel". Which means that my dad will have to find another TV show to emulate. (Not even kidding, this type of behavior that I normally illicit. When he helped me move in my "big-kid" bed, he gave me a play-by-play of the entire 1st episode. Apparently my whole family is hooked. Weird. I guess they’ll have to go back to "South Park" re-runs. Lol)

Work. I never really talk about the big kid job for fear of driving readers away faster than the batmobile. (I work in the financial community…where we put the "douche" in fiduciary.) HOWEVER, the beginning of the year is ridiculously busy- so yeah. Busy. Ish.

Last night after work, I bolted out to Chiang Mai Tai *to pick up my very own magic hoodie. (Again, folks, this is why I need a digital camera- Just so you can see my ridiculous fashion sense in action. Granted, I’d never leave the house because what would happen is that I’d wind up posting lascivious photo’s of myself into the wee hours…but I digress) It is a PHAT hoodie, and all it cost was a little Thai food and some great BS conversation. I gotta tell you that it is wonderful to go out and have an evening that ends with meeting cool new people**.
But, y’all probably knew that.

(Funny bit: "You, uh, don’t strike me as the kind of person that would be a geek, S."/"Oh yeah, I should tell you about the time I bought the sword of the Witch King at a TX Con." And she got Ray Parks autograph! That's right. Darth Maul. It surprised me too. Even more surprising was that the sword is taller than she is. Boo YA!)

And it’s a cool hoodie. Is it wrong that I want to go to Café Press and buy the "Stinging Serpent of Death" t-shirt? Yeah. But I have the fashion sense of a 14 year old, so what do I know? I still need a frickin’ face cage so I can go whoop some A$$ in the South Suburbs.

You know who you are. It’s comin'. ; )

2 bits:
1) Please cross your digits. Cross’em. Now! And think of P fondly between 7-10 tonight. Oh God…here we go: "Think of P…Think of P fondly, when we kiss gooooood niiiiight". Just in case you’re wondering, I am-in fact- bone "in" ham. Do with that what you will.

2) Send the most positive thoughts, support, and well wishes to my future roommate DeeT’s. He is going through a very difficult time right now with a recent passing in his family. If you see him, give him a hug. Or an airplane ride. He’s the best. And if you check this out, Texas Armadillo, you know we all love you very much.


* Tofu w/Veggies, and some ginger tea. Yes. I ate. I ate tofu. And spilled the dish down my front. She didn't see it, but if she reads it- S, I really am that cool.

** and some old friends. I bumped into my girl Snoopy who I've known since high school. She was gonna comp us free dessert but, you know. Too Full. Too P.

I love soup.

I'm sweating balls right now. I think I was a little overzealous with the tabascoing of my soup today (Hearty Tomato Rotini) and it sent my metabolism into overdrive.

Ugh. I just felt a trickle of sweat go down my armpit. Great, Mr. Stinky.

So, I love brothy soups, in case you’re wondering. Oh sure, there have been some instances of plowing through a tasty bisque (The best was 13 Moons Lobster Bisque that we had during my mom’s B-day a few years ago. Heaven) Clam Chowder (Again with the Frisco references) and that delightful MN staple: Chicken (Or Turkey) w/wild rice. I can’t think of the single best bowl of the Chickey Rice, but there have been times, oh yes.

Well, Mr. Freakish Eater that I am (Wait, weren’t you just Mr, Stinky? What are you, effing Sybil? ) has reverted back to his penchant for healthier brothy soup. Progresso (IMHO) for the $ is the best, and also has some really tasty choices to go with it: Chicken Rotini, Hearty Tomato, Southwestern Style Chicken (Too good for words) even a low-fat Clam Chowder which (With the addition of oysters) makes for a ridiculously good seafood stew. (I see my brother throwing up in his mouth a little bit)

Soup. One of the dumb things that make Winter okay.

I suppose I should probably qualify that I wanted to see if I could do an entire post on soup (to see if anyone gets antsy and jumps ship right away) But…

I had Chinese Food, kids. Saturday, with Ry. He was insistent on Fresh Wok (And pissed that I "wasn’t hungry" or eating) so we got that out of the way. Steamed Chicken with mixed vegetables. 1st Chinese meal I’ve eaten since 11/28/05. (How’s that for a wickedly weird memory?) And in case you’re wondering, yeah…I sweat like a hog. Body wasn’t quiiiite ready for that. And at the Dragon, I was deathly afraid of melting Mo’s eyebrow’s off when I exhaled. Just sayin’

Tonight, brilliance: I’m meeting my new friend (and possible occasional lurker) Shenanigan for some Thai food. I met S at the PW center, and she is hooking me up with a PHAT hoodie (Simple pleasures, kids. And hey? How often do you get a phat hoodie that simply says 6-1-2? NE Mipples REPRESENT!)

Busy Week this week, very busy...so hang in there, peeps.

Farg knows I am…

Social Studies Strikes Back

I'm back in the Bohemian Social Studies teacher costume. (As my co-worker was very quick to point out. They so love their petty torments...don't they?) I wrote about this monkey suit b4, but to get the image back in yer heids: Khaki's, Clogs, Muted earth-tone sweater vest (Really brings the outfit together) and a cornflower blue dress shirt. All I need is some chalk to compliment the ensemble' and then we can BS for hours about the Civil War!

So, you know, I'm hopin' that if there is a guy equivalent to the "naughty-school girl Britney Spears" look circa 1999...Well, I'm hoping that this is it. But probably not. And I don't think I'll ever drop Britney's name on this blog, ever again. And really...I wouldn't I look that good in pigtails either. Not this cute anyway.

"Oooooooo, I have a question for yoooouuuu Mr. P...Oooooooooo...pick meeeeee"

Sick.

I should just go home.

El Wochenende

Spanish and German. Or, Sperman. Ew.


Was good. Sehr gut, in fact. Let's see, y'all know about Moo-Rackle Worker. (Which was great)

Sats was a different story, having to come into the oriface to write a boatload of correspondence to clients and brokers (yaaawn) all in the interest of OT. Once that poopy day was done, I was reminded of how much of a completely insensitive a$$ I can be. (ahem)

Ry-gonn: "Hey, what did you do last night?"
Moi: "Saw Miracle Worker. Took your mom on a date."
Ry: "Huh. What're you doing tonight?"
Moi: "I'm not sure. Big brother called and asked me to come to dinner. I'm thinking about checking out Ghosts over @ TRP, then heading to the Garage for the closing party of Miracle, then meeting Dorajar for thingytails. Why, what did you do?"
Ry: "Not much. It was my birthday yesterday, sooooo..."


I sort of zoned out after that. Yeah. Thoughtful P. Very Thoughtful. Aren't you going to be the best man in his wedding? Or is that more like..."weren't you going to be?". I'm a dumbass.

So. Plans got trumped so I could hang with my best friend (And finally get him his b-day/X-mas presents. Honestly, I've been so wrapped up in my own s#it am I that blind to the world around me? Probably. ) He was grossly happy with his haul (A Darth Vader mask, and a ton of Star Wars Schwag. Including a Jedi robe. Oh yeah. I hooked a brother up.) We ended up watching "The 40 Year Old Virgin" (Yeah yeah. I told everyone to see it. Numerous times. Because it was f#cking hysterical.)

So yeah. A sweet lil' cast party over at the Garage followed (Bulletin board quotes include: "You look very 'noirish' with the whole overcoat/fedora thing*." And my fave "You smell like gas station bathroom soap". ("That's funny, sweetie...since I actually did take a bath at the gas station") Out of the mouths of babes, people.) The night was capped off with a nice convo at the Dragon. Apparently Pond Hockey roolz! And sooomeone needs to see "Mystery, Alaska". I'm just sayin'.

Sunday: It was perfect. The perfect brunch with some darn near perfect people. (I can't really speak for m'self) AND we surprised the hell outta someone who normally doesn't get the hella surprised out of her. And I laughed an awful lot. Not a bad Sunday.



* So I watched "Mississippi Burning" again, and I got all feisty because they all wore stinkin' Fedora's. So, y'know...it seemed like a pretty good idea at the time. Not like it was even a full fedora. More like a mini-fedora. Or a "Halfora". Something.

Quitters

This'll be simple.


(sigh) I had to retire a pair of long underpants. It was time. Due to my strange penchant for wearing clothing items until they disintegrate, I think that these long undiepants have been in my possession for (Ohhhh) nigh on 15 years. They've been relegated to "Workout" long underpants for winter runs. The straw, which invariably broke my back would have to be the fact that they have become...quitters. That's right. The elastic around the waistband has stretched and worn to such a point that they were desperately clinging to my hips in the vain effort to stay on.

And they didn't. Sumbitches kept falling down during my run so that by the time I actually got back home they were bunched up in the crotch of my sweat pants and my a$$ was freezing off.

So yeah. They've gone bye bye. And I'm sure the visual is enough to get your Monday started right.

It's a Miracle

Um.

BD and I went to the 'Garage where we caught Miracle Worker.

I thought it was good. Ridiculously good. SR and SF as Anne and Helen were just, ugh... Sick. As was the FW, and that Amendt kid should get a shout out just for this really great...moment. Broke my heart. I said back in May (after seeing "Oh Streetcar") seeing really good shows makes me want to get better as an actor, and fug-this show did it. I cried at the end. I don't do that. (Or, rather, haven't done that since "The Real Thing" at TRP. Maybe it's because I'm emotional. Who knows) If you can, and it isn't sold out tonight...which it probably is...see it.

I ate a gummy off the floor that SF threw at me. It was w/in the 5 second rule, according to her, but I think that will probably be listed under "The grossest s#it I've ever ate". Next to a burnt up veggie patty. The things I do to make a 10 year old laugh. I'll probably get an intestinal disease. Great. No appetite, AND I get the runs.

FYI: I'm going to probably throw my $ at whatever production SR decides to stage. I love her work, quite a bit.

"Ghosts" tonight. GOOOOOO SYPHILLIS!

Bogarted meme from Portana!

Layer One

Name: P
Bithdate: December
Birthplace: Robbinsdale, MN
Current Location: NE Mipples, MN
Eye Color: Blau
Hair Color: Braun
Righty or Lefty: Rudy. Hit Lefty.
Sun Sign: Capricornicus, Pornicuss
Innie or Outtie: It's like a deep pit in my midsection.

Layer Two

Your heritage: German, Czech, Irish, Scottish, English, Pillsbury Doughboy
The shoes you wore today: Old school tennies...with dress clothes. I gotta be me.
Your hair: Rakish and unruly
Your eyes: Bloodshot. Muh huh wah HA HA HA HA!!!
Your weakness: Kryptonite. (Kidding. Like I'd tell the public my weakness)
Your fears: Growing old alone. Heartbreak. Destitution. Cancer.
Your perfect pizza: Luce's Greek Pizza, or Green Pepper/Black Olive/Mushroom. You know...When I'm in a 'za mood.
One thing you'd like to achieve: Get my house all fixed up.

Layer Three

Your most overused phrase: Fuck. Brilliant. The bottom line is... Cocktacular. Seriously.
Your first waking thoughts: "Hey...It's 3am and I bet I don't go back to sleep!"
The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: "I really hope they want to have lots of sex with me." I'm fully aware that isn't a feature per se, but it sounded a lot funnier to me than just saying the real answer.
Your best physical feature: Aren't people supposed to tell you? MD said she liked my hair. I'll stick with that.
Your bedtime: Somewhere between 10 and 11
Your greatest fear: Didn't we cover this already?
Your greatest accomplishment: Buying a house. Getting to know/work with some amazing and beautiful people.
Your most missed memory: Awwwwwww, that's kinda private. (coughs) Here: I think when someone said once "I don't know if it is all right to say this to a man, but I think that you are beautiful" it sticks like glue in my memory box. Or whenever you hear someone say "I love you" and they mean it?

Yeah.

(btw/disclaimer: That's a blanket "missed memory", dig? )

Layer Four

Pepsi or Coke: Diet Coke. Or Diet Mt.Dew.
Single or group dates: Time and a place for both, y'know?
Adidas or Nike: Old School Puma's. (New Balance when I work out)
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Mint Green Tea, hot, with honey. (Plain green tea tastes like a$$)
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate.
Cappuccino or coffee: Lots.

Layer Five

Cuss: Fuck. Oh, wait...that's wasn't a command?
Sing: Yes- Bari to 2nd Tenor. La La.
Take a shower everyday: Yup. In the evening.
Have a crush(es): I give my love freely to all, and keep none for myself. HAH!
Do you think you've been in love: Think Schmink. I've known I've been in love. And it feels fucking fantastic.
Want to go to college: Been there done that
Like high school: Yup. It was fun.
Want to get married: I'm not in any hurry, thanks.
Believe in yourself: I have to.
Type with your fingers on the right keys: Yeeeeah.
Think you're attractive: Not really. Charming, in a hammy/doofy/harmless way...but I think I missed "good-looking" by a nickel toss. (RsVP got all the "WB Pretty" genes)
Think you're a health freak: I'll leave this to my audience.
Get along with your parents: Yes.
Play an instrument: Skin Flute (Sorry, turned 11 years old just there) Some percussion, harmonica (OK, just the opening riff of "Piano Man"), and my voice.

Layer Six

In the past month, did you...
Drink alcohol: Yes
Do a drug: nope
Make Out: Nope. But, look, seriously? Ok, Ok. Fine...if you want too. Really? Okay. You sure? No. Really? I'm totally good for it. Hello? (Insert sound of crickets chirping)
Go on a date: Nope. (What is the technical def? I mean, I saw "Miracle Worker" w/BD but it wasn't technically a date since she's married and her hubby suggested we go together. So it was more like a Super Secret Date. So, um. No?)
Eat an entire box of Oreos: Not since I was 13. I told you I was slightly portly as an adolescent.
Eat sushi: Not in the last month, but I love it
Been on stage: Yup.
Been dumped: No
Gone skating: Soon, love...soon.
Made homemade cookies: Yup. I like the way it makes my house smell.
Been in love: Nope.
Gone skinny dipping: We're in freakin' MN for cripes sake. Ask me again in July.
Dyed your hair: No
Stolen anything: No.

Layer Seven

Have you ever...
Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yes
If so, was it mixed company: Yes
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yes
Been caught "doing something": Yeah. Those bastards ruined what could have quite possibly been called "The single greatest moment of my life".
Been called a tease: A flirt, yeah. Tease, no. (Read old post "Why do peeps think Friendly=Flirty?"
Gotten beaten up: Have you met my bro? Or MD? Or Wong? Or Dawson? Old school a$$-kickers, the lot of them.
Shoplifted: No
If so, did you get caught: n/a
Changed who you were to fit in: I don't need to. I bring "The P"

Layer Eight

Age you hope to be married: Sorry. I'm not in a big rush kids.
Numbers and Names of Children: I don't want any chitlins. I'd like many pets. Like a llama, or an emu.
Describe your Dream Wedding: Wow. These are some GREAT questions. NEXT!
How do you want to die: Old, On a beach, covered in suntan oil, with a mai tai in my hand.
Or doing something selfless. Or getting eaten by great white sharks in Australia. (I'll take one of those fuckers with me, I can tell you that much for nothing! )
What do you want to be when you grow up: I've met grown ups. They frighten me.
What countr(ies) would you most like to visit: See the 1/20/06 posts on "Ramblin'"

Layer Nine

Number of women I have kissed: Dear God, People. I'm involved in theatre.
Number of girlfriends you've had: Like, titled girlfriends. 7 since the 8th grade. SSGF's? Countless. Girls are scary. They can smell fear and desperation...like bee's and dogs.
Number of people I could trust with my life: 3
Number of CDs that I own: 50 or so?
Number of piercings: 0
Number of tattoos: 0 (I'm still thinking of the kanji for "No". Right on the side of my...oooooo)
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Once or twice. Apparently I'm a terrific "Backtor"
Number of scars on my body: Boodles.
Number of things in my past that I regret: Some. Not many. But some.

Piggybacking on the travel post

Oh, the places I will go: (Sorry dorajar. Burkina Faso will have to wait until the next Blue Moon)


Greece, Italy, Turkey- My lucky-a$$ parents got to hit all of these places on a Cruise. I wanna go. I want to see the Colliseum, the Acropolis, in a big bad way. I want to see if the waters of Rhodes are as blue as they are in pictures (An old co-worker of mine went their with her Greek hubby to his birthplace. It was so damn beautiful) These are places from stories we’d read about as kids and adults. I want to see them before they crumble away. I want to see the place on the Leaning Tower of Pisa where Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it.

Japan/China- Doi. Yeah Yeah Yeah…Karate boy wants to go pretend he’s reliving a past life experience or something. Baka Gaijin, that’s me.

Back to the UK- Loved it. Mom and I had the best time and I gotta go again. (And see 3 X's as many shows) I also want to see the place in Ireland where my brother and his wife took that dynamite pic from their wedding program. (The smoochy smooch). Annnnnd I want to see if I can get to Ullster Province to find where our ancestors are from. (The "Love’s". Ironic, huh?)

Australia- Damn straight. I gotta hit the reef. I will be attacked by sharks, because they will smell my fear (And probably my urine) but that’ll be one helluva way to go.

Spain- (I’m bringing Biggie and his wife with me here. I require a translator) I think running with the bulls in Pampalona would kick ass.

France-ville- Yup. I’m a touron. But I wanna see the frassin’ Louvre.

Germany/Austria- See if I can dust of my Deutsch well enough to sing "Einz, Zwei, GeZuffa" at the Munich Hofbrauhaus

Czech Republic- My dad got me on this kick to go, partly because of my heritage…but mostly because it’s a beautiful city that is filled with art. Cool.

India- What's in India, you might ask? Indians. Doi. And the Taj Majhal. (I'll be holding your hand and checking it out in spirit, lucky girl.) Plus, how the hell else am I gonna break into the Bollywood film industry? Salaa Bombay!

Mexico- WOOOO PARTY IN MAZATLAN! SHOW YOUR T!TS!!! Fuck no. I've always been a pretty yuge fan of the Aztec/Mayan/Incan cultures since I did a book report on them in the 5th grade. (You know, where my reading level stopped?) So, I've always had a jones to visit the Tulum ruins and the Mayan ruins of Chichan Itza.

Egypt- RsVp (again) will understand this. Mom went back in '84. I just wanna see the pyramids before they go away. Y'know?


Canada, eh- Back to Vancouver. Nice arts scene. Beautiful city.

(Locally)
Biggs and I had the honor and privilege of having our butts dragged around the country a lot when we were growing up. There are very few states where we didn't trod, so I guess part of me would like to go back to some of those places, like 4 corners, The Carolina's, Florida, Devil's Tower. I'd like to be able to treat them with a little more reverence. (As opposed to my impatient hormonal pre-teen antics. I'm sure I was an absolute joy to have in the mini-van)
And, I think that I'd like to hit a few more places on the NW and NE seaboard...just fer fun. And while it's cool to be going back to NY and Cali, I'd still like to hit:

Hawaii and Alaska. Someday, botches.

Now I just need a frassin' $ponsor. Or someone who wants to use me ala' Rick Steve's...You know...bugging the locals with my cheesy Western charm. That's the ticket.

And to find some poor bastard who would wanna deal with my looney baloney during the trip. 'Cause you know, it's nice to share that stuff with someone. ; )

Until then:

Heads Carolina, Tails California...that's a country song for you'se that don't know.


Have a good weekend peeps. I give you my full "Helen Keller: The Musical" review on Monday.

All right ramblers...start ramblin'...

I’ve noticed something. ("Really, Captain Observant? What might that be?")

I pal around with a lot of ramblers. A lot. C’mon, you know what a rambler is? Restless spirits. Wanderers, searchers. Travellers. Peep’s that are not made to settle. Who’d be fine in a tent in the middle of the Desert in the great unknown. Gypsies. Nomads. I gotta tell you, I admire the hell out of people that do that. I do. Who have the means to get up and go. Or even the ones who don’t, and get up and go anyway. You can see it in their faces when you meet them. My girl Bear was like that. We used to road trip allll over and back. Sometimes as close as Superior. Once as far down as Nashville. Many moons ago when we were together, I remember watching her get the itch. MN wasn’t the place for her. Soooo, she hopped on a plane and took off for Namibia. She’s been back a couple of times, taking care of children with AIDS in orphanages.

I happen to like to travel too. I love being there. I like getting out on the street and doing reconnaissance. Walking around. (I always lose weight on vacays. Weird, huh?) Where am I close to? What’s within walking distance? Where are the museums? (I always have to find the local museums, but hey...I'm a geek. Even if it's some boring ass shit like the crappy cowboy museum in Medora, ND) What’s on the busline? I talk to the hotel concierge’s, people that work in the area. I love researching where I’m going ahead of time. What foods are they known for? Did you have clam chowder in a bread bowl when you were in SF? You know damn right I did. Did you have seafood in Boston? Hell yes. Did you get fish and chips in London? Yeah, but I was a little non-plussed so I opted for the prawns on a baguette.

Sometimes I even like it when I get a little lost. It can be scary, no doubt…but sometimes you happen upon wonderful things too. I love getting to know some of the language’s of other places. The sounds of their voices, the intonations, the difference between Alabama, Mississippi, or even TX accents. Teaching myself simple phrases and conversations, trying to emulate the appropriate inflections so that I don’t sound like a complete Eurocentric dork when trying to ask where the toilet is in Spanish. ("Good pronuciation" was all she said.) I mean, how can you not think that that is cool?

Well, I have a house now. A cute fixer-upper that getting fixer-upped. And the complexity that is P, has got me divided into two camps: I have a responsibility to my home. To it’s re-conditioning and maintenance. Except the "now"ness of my life has got me itching to travel. I’ve got some trips planned that should help a budget saavy guy like me get to both coasts b4 the year is out, so that’ll probably get that bug out of my butt.
I’ve decided to call my house the "Base of Operations". Or maybe the "Hall of Justice", just without the Wonder Twins and that goofy ass blue monkey. (I think that Casa del P is fine) The casa is always going to be a place that I can come home to. The world is going to be my stomping grounds.

MN is my home.

Seriously...I'm not even kidding...Skates.

We will, I repeat, will go roller skating.


It must be done, so sayeth the P.


Show of hands: Who's into it?

That's what I thought. I mean, really...Who doesn't like roller skating? People who hate Freedom, that's who.

I know that the Jabas and his gally had their 1st date at a skate rink. That's cool.

I haven't been roller skating since 1986. Why?

The story:

I used to get my little fat-kid-butt passed over for the "Snowball Couples Skate" all the time. (In fact, I'm pretty sure that whenever they played "Open Arms", "Against all Odds", or "Total Eclipse of the Heart" I'd rabbit off the rink like my arse was on fire.) I've relived this sordid tale b4: Picture lil' 11 year old P wearing his "Bloom County" t-shirt with a hawaiian shirt over it. Probably had a "Dr.Who" pin on the collar. The acid washed County Seat jeans which were supposed to be loose, fitting snugly to my rubenesque lil' bod...Probably munching a licorice rope or a eating an ice cream Choco-Taco....sitting out on the bench during the Snowball...and allllll the little cute girls with their big 80's bangs would skate up to me...hands extended...my heart would leap...their hands would pull back at the last minute annnnnndd "PSYCHE!" Man. Mean Girls. Big Time. Subsequently, I made love to the game "Moon Patrol" quite a bit.)

I thought (as a kid) because I was a hockey demon that I was also a roller skate demon. Not so much. More than once...and twice, I would try and skate backwards and wind up ass over teakettle, only to be rescued by the pimply-faced besmocked "Skate Patrol". (I'm surprised my coccyx is still intact)

I ate a lot of licorice rope, choco-tacos, and drumsticks. In a simple twist of fate, I was spared the agony of problem acne.

I think another reason I don't like 'blading these days are due to my bad 'xperiences at Skateland.

So. Time to exercise those demons. I'm thinking that place in Saint Louis Park. Y'know? The one with the Brontosaurus on top. Sometime in February-ish, round the middle. Anti-Valentines, because...yeah. I'm the crusty anti-V day guy this year.

And besides, if you've seen this movie how can you not like roller skates?

Bueno

Coming back

You know...the ol' appetite hasn't been quite what it's been for a while now.

Ohhhh, there were situational factors, to be sure...but after my body acclimated to its new regime I found that the old way of eating was me eating for eatings sake. Not 'cause I was hungry. Just, regimented meals. And usually (in spite of mostly being healthy) I et a lot more.

So you know, I was thinking that the yogurt, fruits/veggies, and soup diet has been pretty good to me. I've lost weight, to be sure, but it came about at a great time (Before KFH)...and it would have taken me a lot longer to get into fighting shape had I not adopted this new diet.

'Cept...

Last night I was recounting the "dit da jao" story for the umpteenth time (P...yer a feckin' broken record. But I gotta tell ya: When told in conjunction with nearly getting knocked out at rehearsal and having a foam wrapped broomstick almost take your arm off...it makes for a faaaabulous story. I love watching people's reactions. I feel like C-3PO and the motherfuckin' Ewoks in "Jedi") ANYway, my pernt is: I got to the part where I said the DDJ smells like General Tso's...and I got a jones.

For Great Dragon.

More specifically, the steamed chicken with mixed vegetables. No MSG. Part of their "Light/Healthy" fare. Served with a sauce that is, not to put a fine a point on it: killah...

I miss Chinese food. And I know that sounds pretty dumb. What I am certain of, is that as soon as I eat the filthy stuff my metabolism is so whacked out and revved up I'll probably wind up sweating half the night AND having myself some fucked-up dreams.

Someday.

(sighs) 'Til then, it'll be the spicy lentil soup and honey-wheat pretzels. That's right...lentil soup. I am so glad I don't have a date tonight. Oh...wait. I'm at the COSTUME shop tonight. Awwwwww, poor customers. They only have to deal with stinky for another 4 shifts.

We each do our little part to stick it to the man, don't we? Some ways are silent...but deadly. Prrrrrrrrt.

Thoughts for the day, revisited.

You know, deleting your old posts takes forevah- BUT, I happened upon something that I think is mildly profound. (As in, salsa is mild...so is P's profundity.) I wanted to do a repost so you all knew what great people we can be. We want to be.

Reprinted with permission from the author, from an August 2005 post


One of the greatest capacities we can fulfill is to be able to provide another person with a kind word. If you ever want to feel validation or fulfillment, pass along a kind thought or observation. There is no trick to it, and if you can't..you're just being lazy. It openly demonstrates that you are taking 5 seconds to think about someone else...Seriously, do it today.

Here's some really simple stuff that makes me happier than happy.

-The Sunday Paper and a cup of good coffee.
-People laughing at some funny thing I've said.
-Completing a project at home
-A thoughtful compliment
-Central Air Conditioning on a hot day, a warm house on a colllld one.
-Karate. And all that it entails. Fighting, Learning...beautiful.
-Live theatre. Laughter and appreciation from the audience.
-Exercising that ends with me feeling good and not ending so that even I can't climb the stairs
-Days off
-Big breakfasts...especially lots of egg whites
-Reading a book that I can't put down
-The Internet
-My co-workers, who accept me for who I am and also trust my leadership. Weird.
-People who have a bad day, and I make'em laugh at something, and they say "thank you".
-People who accept my penchant for the abstract as positive
-Going out to dinner with good friends
-When my Indian co-worker brings extra food to share for lunch (Last Friday was Roti and Lentils with rice)
-People who respond to this blog (It makes someone as boorish as myself feel good)


So, it isn't an "all-encompassing" list, but if I wanted to list (say) daily irritants I have a high degree of certainty that it would be shorter than this one. (I have a high tolerance for pain, and bullshit)

To all of my friends that are reading today, know and believe this: Because of the ADD/Abstract Randomness that is P, at any time and probably every day- You're always in my thoughts. Take comfort in knowing that.

(And to the Lurky McLurkersons, please post something for cripes sake. It ain't hard y'know! Oooooooo but it's getting there....HEY Ohhhhh! Who's the lowest common denominator NOW?)

; )

Reviews, for lack of anything topical

"Fantastic Four"
Should be renamed Fanta$$tic A$$. Even though I have geekish and nerdish tendencies, and even though I was a little schwag reader as a kid- I was just never into the FF as a group. They were just a little too wholesome for my taste. Sure, I had a couple of ish’s and the world famous X-Men/FF crossover…heck, I even watched the dumb cartoon w/the FantA$$ticar and Herbie the lame-ass Rosie knock off Robot. I had even seen glimpses of the infamous FF movie from 1994, starring that kid who played "Bug" in "Uncle Buck".

So, while the franchise is kind of "Red Sox" cursed, I was cautiously optimistic regarding the film. The cast seemed okay- I was digging on Ioan Gruffuld, Chiklis owns in "The Shield", and Chris Owens…from the trailer, seemed okay. Jessica Alpo, while gorge’, didn’t seem like a good fit- A role better suited for Naomi Watts (Hey, do what the X-Men did- Cast good people, correctly, In every role…and you’ll be aces.) And lastly, Julio McMahon: Plays a jerk on Nip/Tuck…Plays a variation of a jerk here. Woooooo, stretch.

Um. It sucked. Mired by shite dialogue, the movie never had a chance to capitalize on the coolness it could have been. Alpo was mis-cast, and while I can’t say a film that dedicates itself to undressing her at every turn is a bad thing, it was a boring catalyst for a gimmick. Chiklis was good, even under all the prosthetics he really played the tortured monster really well. And Chris Owens did the cocky thing okay (I coulda done w/o the "Extreme Sports" angle) - He and The Thing’s relationship was about the only thing that was even remotely believable. (Although there was a nice, quiet scene between pre-Thing Ben and Reed that was actually pretty cool to watch. Real, y’know?)

Big problem? Dr. Doom is by far and away the baddest bad-ass in comics canon. He knows magic, science, and lives in a great big castle. He loves his people, and hates the world…And is insanely jealous of Reed Richards. He Eff’s up everybody. Here, we have a (badly characterized) Meglomaniacal Ham who gets metal skin, shoots electric bolts out of his hand (Ooooo. Did I say Hand, singular? I did.) And puts on a helmet. Ooooo. He’s a mort. Big-Time. And his "Big surprises" to stop the FF (Freezing "Mr. Fantastic"? That had to be the lamest gimmick outside of 1960’s Batman TV Show.)
So yeah, the effects were cool, and effective. But plot, characterization, story, were all…ass. Sorry. Skip it.

"Unleashed"
So, I like karate movies. Big deal. Redwright lent me this after showing me the very 1st 2 minutes of fighting. So I borrowed it. And liked it. It’s short, light, fluffy, and the fighting is just…sick. Bob Hoskins and Morgan Freeman both do great jobs. (Hoskins chews scenery like cattle chew cud) And Jet Li plays the role of a man raised like a dog…well? Did I mention the fights are sick? (Spoiler 1- There is a claustrophobic bathroom fight. Like, waaay claustrophobic. Yeesh. Spoiler 2- WTF does that collar do? Way I see it, it doesn’t do dick. Seriously. I thought it’d be something cool like, if he tries to take it off himself his head will explode, but…no.) Check it out on NutFlux if you get a chance. And enjoy the terrific shots of London. (I wanna go back)

"War of the Worlds"
Great special effects. Great. Cool. So why didn’t I like this movie very much? It wasn’t Tom Crooze’s performance (Who, despite needing to take a long walk off a short pier, was fine) it was the casting ofTom Crooze’s in the 1st place. Too, effin’ pretty to play a blue collar NJ dad that works on the docks…and drives a frickin’ really expensive car. And wears a really expensive jacket. I just couldna buy it. His kids were fine (Dakota "My eyes are unnaturally large" Fanning was really good.) And Spielberg still paints a really pretty picture all over. I just kind of wish that it had that pacing of "Close Encounters". Which I need to own.
I don’t know, if I want a quiet little "Earth Invasion" movie I’ll re-watch "Signs". Or feck, if I have a couple of days (HA!) I’ll pick up "V".