I got no time to meme...

1. You and Jesus go out to dinner - who pays?
No worries Christ. I’m flush right now, it’s cool. (How can you not wanna buy Hay-zeus dinner. He’d probably just be cool with the bread basket and some water anyway.)

2. You suddenly have to flee the country and adopt an alias. What is it?
Barton Krumcake

3. Pick one state in the U.S. to get rid of permanently?
Delaware. Hi…we’re in Delaware.

4. You wake up as the opposite gender what's the one thing you wanna try?

After waking up, I’d shop for some duds, and enter the workplace as a woman. I’d discover firsthand how gender inequality affects my life. I’d challenge. I’d argue. I’d demand equality. I’d want to make an impression so that in my wake, woman would get more and better opportunities than men. Later, armed with this knowledge, and after returning to my own gender I feel like I would be a more enlightened human being.

Of course all of this would take place after I checked out my naughty bits.

5. Luke Skywalker or Han Solo?
Luke. Jedi’s rule!

6. Toy you always wanted but never got as a child?
GI Joe Aircraft Carrier

7. Top three celebrities you wanna do.
Jennifer Connelly, Natalie Portman (From "Garden State" only), Mo Collins…cause she’s funny and stuff

8. What's an automatic deal breaker in a potential significant other?
I’m not that fussy, but discovering she had a wiener would probably force me to call the whole thing off.

9. What is the last movie you saw that actually scared you?"The Excorcism of Emily Rose" was more disturbing than scary. Otherwise it’d have to be "Ultraviolet". It scares me to think such a toxic wastepile of a film exists.

10. Stupidest thing you've ever said out loud?
Everything. Most folks think I’m a flibbertygibbet hammy talkymeat.

11. You're sentenced to death and it's the morning of your execution, what do you want to eat?Buffet Food and a magnum of wine

12. What's something that most people do that you've never done?
Break my leg jumping on the bandwagon.

13. Before you die you want to go to...?
Everywhere

14. Something you'd really like to do but probably won't ever be able to do?
Be recognized for outstanding achievement in…something. (Comedy or acting would be great. )

15. A wild animal you'd like to have as a pet?
Badger. Badger Badger Badger. Or a panda.

16. What drug will you never try.
Most of them

17. If you were an animal what would you be?
Ooooo, totemistic. A wolf. Always been that way.

18. If you had to marry someone you knew at the age of 12 who would it be?
Probably some cartoon character like "Lady Jane" or "Scarlett" from GI Joe.

19. What's something most people don't know about you?
I love well, deeply, and so hard it hurts.

20. First celebrity crush?Tina Turner I think?

21. What's a weapon to suit your personality, habits and abilities?
Nodachi- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nodachi

23. Favorite breakfast bread style (pancakes, waffles, toast etc...)?
As a kid I would have jumped on the pancake bandwagon. These days its wheat toast, with reduced sugar jelly, or home fries

24. Favorite parody movie?
Waiting for Guffman

25. Worst way to die?
Alone

26. Grossest injury you've ever seen?
There’s some sick s#it on the interweb. And if you’ve ever seen an EMT training guide? Don’t read the chapter on "compound fractures" immediately after dinner. IJS.

27. The worst injury you've ever had?
I have to say out of all of the nicks, cuts, bumps, nosebreaks, hyperextensions I’ve had? I’m gonna say having my heart broken was by far the worst feeling I’ve ever had and I wouldn’t ever wish it on my worst enemy.

28. Favorite thing about thanksgiving?
Being with my family. Annnd gorging myself on white meat turkey, mashies, oyster stuffing, and wine.

29. Sport you hate the most?
I’m no hater, but I’ve always been fascinated by the rabidinous nature of sports fanatics. I take that back. Poker and Golf. Two things I cannot, for the life of me, get into.

30. What city in the U.S. do you want to visit?
San Francisco

31. What's something you think would be sweet to know everything about?
Love and how to spread it so people actually give a shit.

32. Favorite Actor/Actress?
I have a group of favorite everythings, and not just one.

33. What's one phrase you absolutely detest?
I think the dismissive "Whatever" followed by the qualifier "like" are abhorrent. (And even when I write, I include "Like" for the sake of irony.) And not to have a distinct tie in to #27, but "I don’t love you any more" is fairly loathsome.

34. What makes an awesome party?
Frass free (No fights, or people being douchebags). Friends (A must. Who’d invite enemies or douchebags unless you’re planning on their demise. Sick) Fellowship. Food. Liquor. And if I had the capacity, I like being able to supply everything. So folks can just show up, chill, and have a good time.

35. What's your material obsession?
DVD’s and Cologne. If I had the $, I’d have considerably more of these things.

36. What's something most would consider an insult but you like it said about you?
He’s crazy.

37. Favorite kind of dog?
Compact, Mid-sized, not a shedder

38. Favorite carnival food (everyone has one)?
Pronto Pup/Fries/Deep Fried Turkey Sandwich, but ONLY at the State Fair.

39. Morning or night person?
I’m a day person

40. Worst drunken/drugged up habit?
Dominating all conversations, and an overwhelming urge to (A) make everyone laugh and (B) taking my clothes off in order to kick everyone out

41. Weirdest ebay purchase?
Never done it. Amazon, Overstock, yes. But nothing I’d consider "weird"

42. Favorite food to eat when you're wasted?
Wasted. Riiiiight. I want some Frrrrrrench TOAST (Seriously, all you Taco Bellers and White Cassholers take heed: Nothing, and I mean NOTHING can top the joy of a "Tremendous Twelve" at 1:30am)

43. Its Saturday at 3am where are you?
Sleeping

44. Who's your favorite friend to go out with?
Mo. We chill. A good hobby.

45.Worst job you've ever had?
Kitchen Bitch at a Nursing Home. For gross.

46. What's something your friends make fun of you for?
Hammy Flibbertygibbet talkymeat. Waxing Tangential. Dislike of the term "Branch"

47. Favorite cereal?
I’ll pass
48. Book you could read repeatedly?
Just one? Nooooooo!

49. What's the meanest thing you've ever done?
Wheeee! Let’s see: Told a girl I’d slept with on occasion that I was in love with my ex-girlfriend in order to diminish her crush on me. Annnnd backfisted my best friend and nearly broke his glasses when he was made some condescending remarks toward me whilst drunk.

Yup. I’d wager spent the better part of 1997-2000 being recreationally snarky or mean for means sake. (Not always, but that’s how I spent my pre-quarter life crisis) And because of that I made a lot of close friends and random folks feel bad. And that’s kind of why I think folks should maybe put a little thought into what they say before they say it. Words can fuck you up. And being an asshole is not a difficult, coveted, or talented role to play.

Off.
My.
Soapbox.

50. What was your best Halloween costume ever?
Meh. I’m hoping the repeat one I make this year works out all right.