Bite me Bauer (Sunday Post)

I shopped…BITCHES! I wear most of my clothes until they fall off. This was pointed out to me last Friday when a co-worked tactfully noticed that I had "2 holes in the butt of my jeans". (sigh…I "Hulked Out" of yet another pair of Gap Jeans) My other jeans have matching holes right by the saddlebags, so guess what that means? On to Rosedale (By proximity, our new mall of choice.) for new jeans!

Armed with old gift cards and gift receipts I went, needing only 2 pair of jeans: 1st, to JCPenis for the Levi 5-fittys for the black jeans, and then to Gap for the "relaxed fit" blues. I passed Eddie Bauers on the way in, givinge them a "mental middle finger" for the atrocious pair of short tight black "make-me- feel- fat" pants I received one X-mas from an ex’s obviously vindictive mother. Levi’s have always been my jean of choice since Jr High school, only recently supplanted by said Gap jeans within the last 8 years or so. (I need variety in my pants…Oooooooo another euphemism)

BOOM- Hit up the Pen-Pen, find my jeans and do the decidedly Un-P thing and try the sumbitches on- They fit…effortlessly. Eddie Bauer can sniff my chode. (The original title of today’s blog) A few practice kicks in the mirror later and I’m heading to check out, buuuut not before snatching two shirts off the discount 70% off rack and a U of MN hat. Ski-U-Mah, bitches.

I scamper to Gap to find my jeans. FUCK, they’ve renamed "relaxed fit"- "easy fit". Are they the same? I panic, but quickly find the courage to live dangerously. I don’t even bother trying them on. They’ll fit, oh yeah…they’ll fit. I grab J a pin that says, well, "J", just to be cute. I pay, then head up to Suncoast where I read the Episode III graphic novel. (Yeah, I know how it ends, I just wanted to see if it would be cool. Yes, it looks cool. ) Now, over to Abercrombie and the Bitch to try and use the gc I've been sitting on for 2 years. - Ugh, it all looks like little kid clothes. I last (literally) 10 seconds before succumbing to the cheesiness , stoopid "nst-nst-nst-whoop, whoop" techno background beat, so I l. The employee’s look zombified. I pity them. Then start to pity myself for working part time retail. Well, at least I don’t have techno in the background. Regardless, I still can’t find anything in that shitty store...bleargh.

Yee HAW!!! I’m out of there, and there’s still daylight left for a run. Another be-yootiful and productive Sunday. Later that night, J and I have a date for "Anchorman"

Which, if you haven’t seen it, is freaking hilarious. Will Ferrell is the 2nd coming. "Eat the cat poop!!! Poop Mouth!!!" I’m still humming "Skyrockets in Flight."