Rhino humps Hippo

That probably sounds weirder than actually seeing a Manhattan Toys Rhino 69'ing the MT Hippo first thing in the morning, but there you are.So I'm sitting here posting at a little past 5 in the a.m. due to a case of insomnia that hit 'round 4. I know that I've been slightly delinquent due to work keeping me fairly busy, and not that I haven't seen or done anything frassworthy. Maybe I've felt soft? Contemplative? Overwhelmed? Underwhelming? Whelma and Betty?


Let's see...Stir Farters-

Last weekend was great. I was able to get a shite ton of preliminary lawn work done and finally frassed up the thatchey mess which was my lawn. There is something truly gratifying about getting outside and getting all that work started. I hit pre-test class in BC, where I did bag drills with a kid who reeked of onions. (Seriously? Nearly made me vomit. Nothing like man funk, mixed with White Castle. Vom.) That evening I went to a BQ at the Palacio del Perry out in scenic EP where we were joined by my whole fam damnily and the 'bean. (Thanks hon. Your family is hella generous) Much food was eaten which in turn caused much stomach frass, so I was poopsbagoda by 9pm. (I’m figuring out that I need to steer clear of niblets/snacky food. Totally stuffed my self on cheese and crackers before even eating my Boca. It was an UNcomfortable nights sleep for buddies. ) Besides their overwhelming generosity, Mr. Perry deserves a "good sport" award for enduring the tirade of dad imitations. That no one else gets.

Except we nincompoops. We few. We happy few. We band of ‘poopsgaboda.

Bunny day I fuh-HI-NALLY got a chance to bust out the old go-rilla. (Thank God I still had propane. You wanna know what’s grosser than gross? Charred salmon bits from last years final barbecue. That shit took forever to clean, lemme tell ya. And the smell? Whoooo) While 'bean frassed around the house, I hit the only store in the TC metro that was open on Easter (The Wedge) and did the final touches before opening my home to Ma, Pa, Mo, and The WW clan. (Thanks for coming over, love. His F-ness was a real trooper, and it’s great y’all get along with my parents, even if they are a little eccentric.) Yet again, too much food was narfed by yours truly, but the company (again) was devine. How's that for spiritually thinking on Easter?

The rest of the week was weekable. A CB gathering on Wednesday at the Frethcastle. (Which was, to be certain, blogworthy. Bengays being tossed like pizza in the Kitch, DDR getting stomped in the attic, and two girls kissing during poker? Really, it's not all glamour...) Movies were attempted (Almost done with "Capote", really really finished "Oldboy", and I forgot to mention that I watched "Waiting" with Ry-Gonn. That movie was alllll about guys trying to show their johnson's to each other. I'm not gay, Mom...I swear. I hate Ryan Reynolds abs) I fixed a wholesome roughage fest for Dorajar (Spicy Black beans served over brown rice and topped with veggies? Fuck a bunch of pricey gasoline, I’ve got your natural fuel source blasting out of my HEY-OH!!!! Seriously. Lots of fiber in that meal) And I started taking N0-2. N0-2 is awesome, btw.
More on this last weekend later, campers.

Do you have:
(1) your own cell phone
() a television in your bedroom (Not yet)
() an iPod or three
() a photo printer
(2) your own phone line
() TiVo or a generic digital video recorder
(2.5) high-speed internet access (i.e., not dialup)
() a surround sound system in bedroom
() DVD player in bedroom see above answer
( ) at least a hundred DVDs
(3) a childfree bathroom
( 4) your own in-house office
( ) a pool
( ) a guest house
( ) a game room
(5) a queen-size bed or larger
(6) a stocked bar (Doi.)
(7) a working dishwasher
( ) an icemaker
( 8) a working washer and dryer
() more than 20 pairs of shoes
( ) at least ten things from a designer store
( ) expensive sunglasses
() framed original art (not lithographs or prints) something that a friend drew
( ) Egyptian cotton sheets or towels
(9) a multi-speed bike
( ) a gym membership
( 10) large exercise equipment at home
(11 ) your own set of golf clubs
( ) a pool table
( ) a tennis court
(12) local access to a lake, large pond, or the sea
( ) your own pair of skis
(13 ) enough camping gear for a weekend trip in an isolated area
( ) a boat
( ) a jet ski
( ) a neighborhood committee membership
( 14) a beach house or a vacation house/cabin (It’s the families)
() wealthy family members
( ) two or more family cars
(15) a walk-in closet or pantry
(16 ) a yard
( ) a hammock
(17 ) a personal trainer (I am, does that count?)
(18 ) good credit (I have debt, yes, but I’m a black belt in paying my bills)
( ) expensive jewelry
( ) a designer bag that required being on a waiting list to get
( ) at least $100 cash in your possession right now
(19) more than two credit cards bearing your name (not counting gas cards or debit cards)
(20) a stock portfolio thanks to worko
(21) a passport
( ) a horse
( ) a trust fund
(22 ) private medical insurance
( 23-ish) a college degree, and no outstanding student loans (Still TBD)

Do you:
( ) shop for non-needed items for yourself (like clothes, jewelry, electronics) at least once a week() do your regular grocery shopping at high-end or specialty stores
( ) pay someone else to clean your house, do dishes, or launder your clothes (not counting dry-cleaning)
(24 ) go on weekend mini-vacations (Road trips for buddies. I’m feeling an itch right now)
( ) send dinners back with every flaw
(25 ) wear perfume or cologne (not body spray)
( ) regularly get your hair styled or nails done in a salon
( ) have a job but don't need the money OR
( ) stay at home with little financial sacrifice
( ) pay someone else to cook your meals
( ) pay someone else to watch your children or walk your dogs
( ) regularly pay someone else to drive you in a taxi
( ) expect a gift after you fight with your partner

Are you:
() an only child
( ) married/partnered to a wealthy person
() baffled/surprised when you don't get your way

Have you:
( ) been on a cruise
(26) traveled out of the country
(27) met a celebrity
( ) been to the Caribbean
(28 ) been to Europe
() been to Hawaii
(29 ) been to New York
( ) eaten at the space needle in Seattle
(30) been to the Mall of America doi
( ) been on the Eiffel tower in Paris
( ) been on the Statue of Liberty in New York
(31) moved more than three times because you wanted to
(32 ) dined with local political figures
(33 ) been to both the Atlantic coast and the Pacific coast

Did you:
( ) go to another country for your honeymoon
( ) hire a professional photographer for your wedding or party
(34) take riding or swimming lessons as a child both
( ) attend private school
( ) have a Sweet 16 birthday party thrown for you

Ganked from Rusty, 30 tings...

I am unoriginal....have at them!


1. Worst damage you ever took in a fight?Never been in a fight. I’ve had my ribs dinged pretty bad during sparring, and my bell rung far too many times
2. Most money you ever owed a utility company?Ugh, heating bills in Minnesota. For-Sucks. (I had a back payment to the Cable Company that was close to $300. Thanks old roomie.)
3. Last time you got kicked out of a bar?Never kicked. I was meeting some friends at the 90’s a couple of months ago, and the bouncer said that I was visibly intoxicated. I hadn’t even had a drink yet. Dicks.
4. Longest time you slept in a car?I passed out in my car in college. I don’t recall how long I was out, just that driving was not a good idea. When I woke up I was covered in frost. Dumbass.
5. Most f*d up nickname you've ever been given?
"Doc". I totally didn’t dig on that one. "Grower" isn’t effed up, but maybe the weirdest?
6. Worst job you ever had?Manual office labor when I was 15. Moving heavy boxes from one part of the office, to another. It was mind numbing.
7. Shortest job you've ever had?Can’t recall
8. Longest romantic relationship?3 years9. Shortest romantic relationship?Overnight?
10. Food that you would eat till you puked?Sushi, or Chinese buffet.
11. Food that even looking at makes you puke?Bar food. Wings, Cheese sticks. White Castle. (I heard them described as "steamy" before. Ish. Don’t call food steamy.) Canned mushrooms. Convenience store hot dogs. Lil’ chubs. Plastic packaged baked goods. (They need to be fresh outta the oven. Plastic wrapped pound cake? WTF)
12. What music saved your life?Tracy Chapman.
13. Person you miss the most in the world?Anyone I love who I don’t see. Family wise? The grandparents.
14. Worst movie you've ever seen?Hooooo, lately it was "Ultraviolet". Historically? I walked out of "The Witches", and nearly threw my VCR away during "Batman and Robin" and "Branagh-stein" (Ugh. Kenneth Brannagh with drawn-on abs)
15. Best movie you've ever seen?Godfather part 2. Mad acting.
16. Craziest stuff you've ever done sober?Live
17. Ever almost die?
Yup.
18. Ever fistfight a member of the opposite sex?No. The one woman who perpetually goads me into fighting can kick my ass.
19. Best place you have ever lived?I love Mipples in the Springtiiiiiiime.
20. Worst place you have ever lived?After about 1 month, Western ND can suck your life away.
21. Bad habit you have.Multi Tasking. Getting my house ready for people on Sunday was like watching a keystone cop. Do I dust, wait, I need to cut up vegetables, wait, the dishes need done, wait….See? Maddening, I’m sure. That, and being really agreeable.
22. Noise that makes you want to punch people?Loud crying kids in restaurants.
23. Your favorite tattoo?I’m still giving thought into getting one that says "No". (See #21)
24. Least favorite tattoo?This one. Ick.
25. At your poorest, were you a ramen noodle or Mac and cheese aficionado?Ramen. Lower fat. Plus, Mac and Cheese takes work/milk/butter. Ramen needs water. Easy.
26. Most money you have ever spent on a single meal? Oceannaire for me and the old roommie on her birthday last year. It was worth it, but had I known our later outcome I would rather have spent it on better company.
27. Best gift you ever got?I can’t recall. They are all special in there own way. Nookie usually ranks up there.
28. Best pet you ever had?The chickens were fun, but stinky.
29. Ever run from the cops?Yep. Come and get me, coppers!
30. Money or love?
Schtupping. (I’ll take love twice over, and three times on Sunday)

Ganked from Two Cherries: Write me sometime?

Dear Baby P, you have a cute______.
You make me _______.
You should _______.
Someday I will ______.
You + me =________.
If I saw you now I'd __________.
I would build a _______ just for you.
I would get your name tattooed on my __________.
If I could sing you any song it would be _________.
We could __________ under the stars.
My love for you is like that of ____________.
Love,_______________
(P.S. ______________.)



Repost this "dear, 'your name'" and see what people say

I'm thinking...

About getting a gym membership. I received a mailer from the fitness joint up the street offering reduced enrollment and it's been stewing in my craw. I checked out their website, and I started to think how much I miss my "Y" membership and the ability to use multiple machines instead of just my weightbench, dumbbells, and the city streets.

Thinking.

I have 2 dim son's

Wow…just, wow. This'll be a little random. Deal.

Dim sum brunches for buddies on Sunday was great. (Even though I selfishly monopolized the shark fin dumplings and Chinese broccoli) Peking Garden now has the distinction of being one of the most diverse brunch crowds I’ve ever seen. Dora and I talked about seeing African American, Indian, Chinese, and interracial families all frassin’ over the carts and enjoying the hell outta breakfast. (Honey, you should have got a bun. You know you wanted it. I know you're kicking yourself, but you know you would’ve got the "magic bun" with the squishy octopus surprise center.) If we go back it’ll be a big struggle to decide on tripe vs. pig intestine stir fry. They could just call it "Hot Dog" stir fry so as to not frass the new customers.

The restaurant had these big ol' fish tanks lining the wall, and they were filled with ginormous crabs, lobster, and eel. One eel was in this weird sun worshippy pose, prompting Adam to say: "Maybe it has an eel-rection"? Heh. And you people think I say some weird shit*? ( He’s a keeper, Melinite. Sorry that Mo and I speak a different language when we’re out in public.) And seriously, where is Mr.Eel’s schwantzengruber? Do they even have one? Is this even a blog-worthy stream of consciousness? And why is it I want to say "Eel Pout" in lieu of just saying "Eel"? I mean it isn’t like they are super unhappy about anything.

"Hey Eel."
"Hey baby P"
"You okay eel? You look kinda down."
"Oh, you know…usual stuff. Had a bad day at work yesterday"
"That’s too bad, eel. Cheer up, okay?"

Do you ever feel so weird that you sometimes weird yourself out? Maybe I’m getting weird because I’m getting older. Weird…Old. Wold? Mr. Wold was the other 2nd grade teacher at my elementary school. After "desk cleaning" day, he was doing desk check and went up to a kids desk that wasn’t clean. (He did the 2nd grade version of "defying the man" and didn’t clean out his desk. Anyway, Mr. W grabbed a corner of his desk and turned it upside down…spilling the contents all over the floor. (He was a big guy) Well, that’s really all the scandal one can find when one is 8 years old, but you bet your bippy that news traveled to Ms. K’s class toute suite. Think about shite like that happening nowadays? It wouldn’t.


Say hello to ADHD.

Sunday afternoon was manual labor at Ma and Pa’s. Get this, I was so exhausted by the end of the day I was actually nauseous. After naplets for buddies, and some nibbles as a pick me up, I headed over to Kaiser’s to watch people play poker. That’s right. I engaged in the most boring activity one can engage in. (For me anyway. But I’m pretty transparent when it comes to my dislike of cards. I liked the hanging out with buddies aspect. The actual threat of cards bores me) And I especially liked the fact that Mopes won some $ on the $10 I gave her for buy in. I didn’t like the fact that I hovered over my leftover cheese plate and annoyed the crap outta people by trying to get them to nibble. Then just ate the cheese all by myself. B/c I’m a nibbler. Say it with me: "Be a nibbler" (The frickin’ brie was so frassin’ good though)

Pernt of Review

The show was great. X has got one of the most phenomenal singing voices you can hear. (Seriously, if this kid gets out and starts doing jazz cabaret? We’re all going.) and his gay preacher had us screaming in hysterics. I was a kind of non-plussed with the costume scheme (1983 Benneton ads called…they want their sequined turquoise blazer back), and the local rags probably said it best when they said, "Some vignettes are better than others" – too true. Afterwards we hit Preston’s and then Grandma’s w/Mo’s folks, X, CC and her date who looked a helluva lot like Luke Wilson. Weird.

I narfed a Pust-created Jag Bomb in lieu of a Chard Shooter, (Mopes, your look of shock was priceless) and after kibbitzing with the TNT cast for a minute, it was home to bed.

Btw- I do get the royal asshole award for missing TNT. My fricking roommate was in it, and I can’t even get up the frickin’ time/gumption to go. I, am, a, douchebag.

But, I’m a douchebag who’ll be getting a love seat for his tv room. Finally I can watch tv the way the good lord and easter bunny meant, and not in the unromantic sexual vibrating tantric sex seats. If anyone has a line on a humongous tv that might’ve, oh, fallen off the back of a truck?

You just let this guy know.

So I've been busy. Chillski, nutter butters.


I'm gonna free style this so you get the jist of where I've been at:

Work= Way too much to do. They are watching productivity. Meaning, monitoring 'net usage. Dig? I'll start posting more shite from home.

Parents= Helping them clean up their old house to get it ready to sell. Once that's ready, I can focus on my home improvement pj's. Yee Haw.

Party= TNT party a few weekends back was a blast, and I didn't drag my ass to bed until 6am. Because we are nincompoops. JJ, D-baby, Dorajar, and Cursy McCurserson all crashed. It was...hilarity. And no one wanted breakfast. Which made me sad.

Body= My body has been frassy. Big time. So much so, that when I told me mum about how long my (hammy/neck/back/shoulders) have been frassed up (to the tune of 4 months) she actually said "You need to see a doctor." When the royal nurse says it, you know it's probably not good. Plus, I can't help that I've felt kinda...soft? Injury='s many days of not running/sparring...many days of not running/sparring make me feel soft. The worst bit? I grew out a Van Dyke beard (not a goatee, you beatniks) and I found tiny gray hairs in it. I'm falling apart.

Karate= I suck. Seriously. Been having issues kicking higher than my waists. Poople.

Wire Fu= Can't go. Too much other stuff to focus on. Like healing.

Theatre= I've seen some good stuff lately. Good stuff. I'm hoping that what we see tonight (Point of Revue at the Mixed Blood) will continue the trend. I've agreed to work with the KFH guys again to do a fundraiser called "Great Moments in Kung Fu History". I'm hoping (cough cough) that SOMEONE with the initials MD will wanna do it. Also, I've had more commercial/industrial auditions picking up again. Good signs all over.

Near miss- Almost had to do a staged reading of TNT since my roomies business flight was delayed. Almost.

Sports= Saw my first T'Wolves game since their inaugural season. Sat close enough to count the # of highlights in the T'Wolves Dance Team's hair. (16,352 total) Yes, I shared beers w/Dorajar. Yes, I ate a salt free pretzel. And received slight, sliiiiight ridicule.

Days Off= This warm weather prompted me to take a half day off last Wednesday. I ran (A good sign body wise. Many miles were covered) Mopes stopped over, and we ate fajita's, drank some thingytails, enjoyed the sunshine, and even let Geeeeeoooorgie Kitty roll around on the sunny sidewalk. (Lil' sumbitch was covered in grit. Then jumped into bed with me that evening. Gritty Kitty in the sheets. ) My favorite part? Seeing the green buds coming out of the trees. The lilacs are a-blooming!

Bowling at BLB= I suck balls. TLC and FW will never let me join league night. I actually succeeded in throwing the ball backwards at the crew. (There is a story there. No, I wasn't hammered. I just can no longer carry capless Carmex in my drawers.)

Brunches for Buddies= Having Dim Sum on Sunday. B/C I'm half Chinese. (BabyP, Please! You had Chinese food for dinner last night!) I'll let you all know how the chicken feet are. (Thanks for the invite, Melinite)

'Kay, that's enough for now. See you soon, splooshers.

Ganked from the board of Callness...70 tings.

70 too many? You tell me...There were a bunch missing, so I added my own and left others if you had anything pressing you wanted to ask...


1. Initials: MDP
2. Birthday: 12/25/1974
3. Favorite fruit? Kilborn
4. For or against same sex marriage? For
5. Are you allergic to anything? Nope.
6. Are you bisexual? No. I'd rather have it for free if possible. (Think about it...)
7. Have you ever slept in someone elses clothes? Yes
8. How many U.S states have you been to? 45
9. How many of the U.S states have you lived in? 2
10. Have you ever lived outside the U.S? No
11. Name something physical you like about yourself? I possess lush, wavy Back Hair
12. Something non-physical you like about yourself. I'm terribly polite
13. Do you have any pets? Co-Owner of Georgie the burly tabby.
14. What is your dream car? One that’s reliable, low-maintenance, and get’s good gas mileage. 15. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go? Italy
16. Do you like sandwiches? My nickname is Grimace.
17. Are you bipolar? No. OCD about certain things, yes.
18. What dream car do you want your spouse to drive? I’m not married.
19. Have you ever had pancakes for dinner? The best is hitting up Perkins for a "Tremendous 12" after bar close.
20. Where would you want to go on a first date? South of France.
21. Ever killed a warm blooded animal? Nope.
22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally? Yes.
23. Ever kissed under fireworks? Yes. Sometimes even experienced fireworks. Kiss me.
24. Do you like president Bush? Not especially. Bitch owes me $10 and a bottle of Olde English.
25. Have you ever bungee jumped? Yes (Branson MO. RSvP and I did it.)
26. Have you ever white water rafted? I tooted in the tub once.
27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you? Even older than that. Senior’s are my demographic.
29.Spent an amount of money on something and were embarrassed later? Yup.
30. Are you racist? I liked NJB's response, so I'll bastardize it: Down wit' whitey.
31. What song are you listening to right now? The Reflex by Duran Duran…in my brain.
32. Threw up in public? Yes
33. What was the last movie you watched? V for Vendetta. Seeing “Good Night and Good Luck” tonight.
34. Ate the last piece of pizza in a box? Yes
35. Where was the last place you went besides your house? Work
36. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property? Define "seriously"
37. Have you ever hit on someone of the same sex? No
38. Were polite to someone you didn't like? Yup. You should be cordial to everyone. Or, just hit them.
39. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Smile/Eyes…I really try to pay attention to when the roofies work.
40. What's your favorite body part of the opposite sex? Whatever tastes the best ground up in chili.
41. What do you usually order from Starbucks? Large Coffee of the day, or a Large Skim Mocha. And a piece of the reduced fat blueberry coffee cake. It’s the bomb.
42. Do you try new things when you go to the same restaurant? Not always.
43. Lied to your boss? No
44. Say something totally random about yourself? Read any one of my posts. If that ain’t random, I don’t know what is. “Maureen…I found a way to impregnate men”/”Dad, Please! You had a hard-boiled egg for lunch!”
45. Do you have an iPod? A what?
46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? Yeah. Thanks mom.
47. Do you have freckles? Yes.
48. Do you have body issues? Yes.
49. Are you comfortable with your height? Sure? No? Are you?
50. Do you like someone right now? I like a lot of people. I'm a liker.
51. How tall are you? Shouldn’t this be switched with # 50? 5’10”
52. Do you speak any other language besides English? Yes. Bubba-bonics. ("Jeet yet?")
53.
54.
55. Have you ever ridden in a limo? Yes. 9th grade.
56. Has anyone you were really close to passed away? Yes
57. Do you watch MTV ? No. TV is the Devil.
58. What's something that really annoys you? What doesn’t?

People who take shit too seriously (or out of context in order to take offense or create conflict. Or people who are uber-sensitive and read into things too much.), the current Gov’t administration, people who consider arts funding to be a burden rather than a necessity, people who like to talk about themselves ad nauseum, Sunday drivers, when a recipe I make doesn’t turn out right, my own propensity for sloth, Coveter’s, cat hair on dark clothes, when I fuck up a home project, people who comment negatively on my diet/exercise habits, indecisiveness, missing Karate class, disrespectful behavior, frasser’s, music snobs, people who have to be sarcastic with every fucking response or consistently look for ways to invalidate others to make themselves seem witty, douchebags, selfish behavior, burnt toast, dysmorphia, waking up sore, intolerance, assholes, Intelligent Designers, My squeaky kitchen faucet, my broken refrigerator light (my house in general can get annoying) cheaters, liars, ne'er do wells, quit-claim deeds, high-falutin' poncey fucks that think they are better than everyone else.…
Most of the time? I just turn the other cheek. All of these things? Not worth getting worked up over anyway. Just keep livin'...

59. What are some things you really like? Food and Cooking, Exercise, Books, Mad-Hot kissing and schtupping, The Interweb, Theatre, Movies, Martial Arts, My wonderful Family, My wonderful friends, Having people over for airplane rides, making people laugh.
60. Do you like Michael Jackson? Pre-1993, sure.
61. Are you gay? Is this b/c I have a rainbow bumper sticker on the back of my car that says "I like it when balls are in my face"?
62. Ever been in a wreck? Yeah. I’ve been a wreck. (See Baby P over the last holiday season)
63. Do you know how to pump gas? Is this code for “Spankin’ it?” Yes.
64. Do you drive? I’m a fucking Jedi when I drive. Hell’s yes.
65. Do you have any tattoos? Freckles. (Still thinking about getting the kanji for "No")
66. Any piercings? My Piercing gaze. (I love saying that)
67. Were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? No. I cause people to go to the emergency room.
68. Have you ever been dared to do something you didn't want to do? Isn’t that the point of a dare?
69. What's your favorite state to live in or want to live? In a Captain Morgan’s induced stupor. (I could do well in Laguna Niguel, CA. Or 4 corners. Hot, arid, with a lot of places to free climb.)
70. If there was one person who would be like your twin who would it be? I’m gonna have to say Dorajar, since we’re both nincompoops.

Yes/No Meme So...

Yes/No Meme - ganked from Rusty I like this one....

The Rules:
1. You can only say YES or NO!
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone comments to the entry and asks.

Taken a picture naked? Yes. (Redwright has it)
Made out with a member of the same sex? No
Danced in front of your mirror? Yes
Told a lie? Yes
Gotten in a car with people you just met? Yes
Been in a fist fight? Yes
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Yes
Been arrested? No
Left your house without telling your parents? Yes
Ditched school to do something more fun? Yes
Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Yes
Seen someone die? Yes
Kissed a picture? Yes
Slept in until 3? Yes
Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yes
Played dress up? Yes
Fallen asleep at work/school? Yes
Felt an earthquake? No
Touched a snake? Yes
Ran a red light? Yes
Had detention? Yes
Been in a car accident? Yes
Pole danced? No
Been lost? Yes
Sang karaoke? Yes
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes
Kissed in the rain? Yes
Sang in the shower? Yes
Got your tongue stuck to a pole? Yes
Ever gone to school partially naked? Yes
Sat on a roof top? Yes
Played chicken? Yes
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Yes
Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? Yes
Broken a bone? Yes
Mooned/flashed someone? Yes
Forgotten someone's name? Yes
Slept naked? Yes
Blacked out from drinking? No
Played a prank on someone? Yes
Felt like killing someone? Yes
Made a parent cry? Yes
Cried over someone? Yes
Had sex more than 5 times in one day? Yes
Had/Have a dog? Yes
Been in a band? Yes
Drank 25 sodas in a day....aka POP? No
Shot a gun? Yes

Sealed with a Mushroom Stamp...

Okay, let's see if I can sum up: This will probably seem awfully boring, but I swear it was a very enjoyable laissez faire weekend. And I feel great today as a result.

Friday night after workin' out, I met Mopes, Carlton, and 'Dino at Herk's for app's and 'tails. A relaxing evening to be certain, but my method of mixing coffee and cocktails to keep down cost/being potentially "off center" backfired and I wound up being up until nearly 3 am. (Not always necessarily a bad thing when burning the midnight oil, but woof...how I felt the next a.m.)

The above made for a sheissty work day on Saturday morning, when I sat there staring at my PC going "uuuuuuggggghhhhhhhhh". (How is it that I have a hangover headache when I only had 2 thingytails? The answer? Chuck Norris, and the carafe' of coffee I knocked back) I was, thankfully, able to split early enough to get my taxables done* (I thought being a homeowner had it's own rewards, like huge returns?) get home, naplet, joglet, and start up pre-show dinner.

Mopes showed up at 6pm and we kibbled and bitsed with the 'Bean, before hunkering down to baked salmon, garlic mashed, broccoli goodness. On the 2nd glass of veeno, I figured I'd check to see what time the show was (reasonably confident I was looking at a 8pm curtain.)

Nope.
7:30pm. Frass. At least I had the foresight to check at 5 minutes to 7pm so we could bolt in a reasonably harried-less fashion.

The Heap of Slag was pretty good. (Mopes liked it better than I, where my only thought was that the disjointed narrative was a little too far removed to help us understand the relationships as well as I wanted.) A quick shout out to Gabe, who plays the most convincing...what is it G? Hindi? Ojibwe? PAKISTANI!!! That's it...I am SUCH A Eurocentric Pig Dog. (You did well Gabe. Ladies? He has his shirt off, and he has a nice chest. Another plugski.)

Afterwards, we bolted over to Nye-age for Melinite's b'day party, and the largest assortment of Giant's (Men over 6'7"...no lie) and clones (How many, I repeat, how many ladies could be in one spot that all seemed to be vying for the "I wanna look like Jessica Simpson" award? It was mysterious!)

Thanks for staying late to BS with us Mel. And happy 100th birthday. Your card was indeed sealed with a Mushroom Stamp.

Sunday was brunches for buddies, and we met up with Bri-Bri at the Diner of Uptownliness for eggs and frass. I heard about Business Plans ("I have a business plan"/"PLEASE Mr. P! That's not a business plan, that's a recipe for Chicken Cordon Bleu!") Bumped into Tatters and the (sniff) closing Theatre Antiques before heading off for BM's in the Roseliville area. **

I FINally picked up a new pair of outdoor trainers (After doing my 7th favorite pasttime of hitting all the heavy bags at Sports Authorable's) so I think that the old NB's can safely be retired. (I'm hoping that the new shoes will alleviate some of the back frass I've been experiencing)

At soopah Target, Mopes went 90 on a big red ball.

After all that moving on what was a BEEyootiful Sunday, it was back to the Casa Del Postle for "real" Bloody Mary's/X-Men/and Chiiiiinese Food.***

Which probably explains why (even though I was in bed by 10) I was BOOM awake at 4am. And didn't go back to sleep. So I stretched and lifted and drug my buns into the oriface...boo-too early.

'Kay- Longest and most mundane post in an age, but really it was an enjoyable weekend. Like, Taylor's Fall's lackadaisical enjoyable. And I think I really needed the re-charge.

Busy week of 'Fu, Screenplay readings (If you ain't busy on Tuesday night, stop on out), Frass, and a gathering for the 'bean...



*Dad called me "Hollywood Thin". "Not sickly...you just look...thin" Whatever. I had bad coffee bloat.

** Chain Chotchkies type restaurants have the s#ittiest BM's ever. Doi, I know. But don't advertise a "Spicy" Bloody Mary and have it come out tasting like watered down V8.

BTW- Spicy V8 is the bomb, BM or not. AND it's healthy...bitches.

***Note to self- The magical expanding portions that they serve at the 'Dragon can be enjoyed over a period of several days. Meaning Baby P shouldn't always feel particularly compelled to demolish the ENTIRE fookin' thing. That was a lot of food.

No wonder I couldn't sleep.

Magic s#it...

Liquid skin is some magic shit. Georgie Kitty took a big old chomp out of my hand after a spot of roughhousing last week. (Which is kind of cool, seeing how the cut actually starts at the top of my "life line" and extends it by about 3/4th's of an inch. At this rate, I'm going to live to be 107!) Anyway, liquid skin just drip drip drips on and seals the wound- (Which is awesome for owies that fall on frassed up area's that won't get covered well by a band aid...like the corner of your hand, or between your fingers.)

Except that it smells terrible. I catch a wiff of it every so often and it's just, grody. Like, accidentally getting gasoline on your hand grodie.

I realized that there's other magic shit in the world, like Indiglo. Where do they get that magic shit?!?! Liquid Smoke? Febreeze?

Obviously I get way too excited over stuff like this. Or the fact that Soopah Target sells crab and dressing stuffed Salmon...

Yumsters...

I feel like I just asked this...buttttt.

"Ask me a question. Any question. I do not care how personal you think you are getting. Ask away."

Fecal matters...

I like the term "shit-ton" to describe a "large amount" of something...

That guy made a shit-ton of money...
I've got a shit-ton of work to do today...
There were a shit-ton of people at that party...


"Shit-ton". Use it.

Maybe you want to consult an "Ad-Man"

So there's this billboard on my commute to work that endorses "Pro-Life" and it has this GI-normous picture of a baby on it, right?

Okay, this has got to be the UG-liest baby I've ever seen. Ug. Lee. I mean, we're talking "I hope that this is a stage, because I'm sorry Mr. and Mrs. Uglybabyparents...this kid just sort of skipped cute" Makes Winston Churchill look like Elle MacPherson.

Anyway, it got me thinking: If this is indeed a billboard endorsing "Pro-Life", couldn't they have at least gotten a cuter kid to put on it?


Just sayin'.

And this got me thinking of it too: http://www.send2press.com/newswire/2006-03-0322-003.shtml

Guys...just...don't.

V for go see it...

I think that both "History of Violence" and "V for Vendetta" have safely washed away the nasty taste left in my mouth after "Ultravile-ass".


I think that if I was to describe the movies in one word (And how they affected me)

"Thoughtful" (Not to kipe MD's description of Baby P, but you know...)

I'm not really sure why "V" had that impact on me. I didn't think that it was "message heavy" (Although Ry-Gonn was all up about "This has so much meaning NOW"...well, yeah but it was based on a graphic novel that came out in '89, so I kind of felt the meaning is sort of...ongoing?) I liked it because it discussed the power of idea's, and hope. I liked it b/c it referenced Dumas.

I liked it because it made me wanna revolutionize...man.

"HoV" was brilliant b/c of the thoughtful performances. There was just so much going on with all of the characters- Nothing was too "weird", or over the top. Not a hint of camp. It was like plate tectonics, you know? You would see subtle shifts in these people and who they are/were...Just...a really good movie.

And ladies? You see Viggo's booty.

Fitty tings you'll die to know about me...

1. My roommate and I once: Danced around to the Rolling Stones in the kitchen.

2. Never in my life have I: Jumped out of a plane or swam with sharks (That I knew of)

3. The one person who can drive me nuts, but then can always manage to make me smile is: Ry-Gonn

4. High school was: Fine. (I went to college my senior year, so meh.)

5. When I’m nervous: I breathe deeply6. The last time I cried was: I think a little misty last night during "V".

7. If I were to get married right now my bridesmaids/groomsmen would be: Nope.

9. My hair: Is shorter than I want it.

10. When I was 5: I started the Spider-Man fan club and wore my costume to school under my clothes.

11. Last Christmas: I spent pretty fooking miserably on my parents sofa. Thanks for bringing up that memory, meme. While you're at it, why not give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? Sheesh

12. When I turn my head left: I say "Ow". (Stiff neck)

13. I should be: Less worrisome

14. When I look down I see: My crotchable

15. The craziest recent event was: Waking up yesterday at 4:45am to ensure I could make it in to work by 5:45am.

16. If I were a character on Friends I’d be: Shouldn't the TV show be more popular or topical? I mean, Friends has been off the air now for, what...2 years? 3 years? What if I just said that I would like to be Captain Kirk. Or the 4th Doctor? Would that be cool?

17. By this time next year: I hope to be calmer...or Deadlier.

18. My favorite Aunt is: I like'em all fer fook's sake.

19. I have a hard time understanding: Other's lack of understanding or sensitivity.

20. One time at a family gathering: I got drunk and picked up my cousin who used to bully me by his ankles and dunked him in the hotel hot tub. He promptly turned around and did the same to me.

21. You know I “like” you if: I hump your leg.

22. If I won an award, the first person(people) I’d thank: My family, who has never failed me.

23. Take my advice: Relax. Don't take things so gawdamn seriously

24. My ideal breakfast is: coffee... LOTS of coffee. And egg beaters.

25. If you visit my home town: You might wanna keep your window's rolled up on the East side.
IJS
26. Sometime soon I plan to visit: Cali, NYC, Duluth, Boundry Waters, and when the weather is warmer- Taylor's Falls. It's a summer town, you know?

27. If you spend the night at my house: Anticipate being serenaded by the 'Bean.

28. I’d stop my wedding if: Seriously? Fuck off #28.

29. The world could do without: I was gonna say"intolerance" but I think Nixie put it best, so I'm gonna go with "assholes" too.

30. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: Eat canned mushrooms. Barf.

31. The most recent thing I’ve bought myself is: A coat rack.

32. The most recent thing someone else bought for me is: A Movie ticket.

33. My favorite blonde is: Portana-sota (You 're really one of the only blondies I know, darlin'. Bottled or not.)

34. My favorite brunette is: You know, where are all the other hair colors? What if I know someone who's had all of them in one year? I happen to know a couple of terrific brunettes, some brassy and sassy redheads, a couple of fave's who have hair so black it shines...And those are just the dudes.

35. My car must have a sign on it that reads: Bumper stickers are for douchebags. (Although the one I saw at Calhoun square that said "I ran into my ex the other day...so I put the car in reverse and ran over'em again" would have been a pretty tempting impulse buy.

36. The last time I was drunk: December. Thanks for driving me FeeJ...I was wicked pissed.

37. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds: Me. I want to be "P with Wings". Wait. That makes me sound like a maxi-pad.

38. I shouldn’t have been: So agreeable

40. Last night I: Played vid's with Ry-Gonn at Gameworks and saw the movie "V for Vendetta" later with Mopes, Linden, and the Chucklet.

41. There’s this girl I know who: deserves the best, and feel really good about herself.

42: I don’t know: Why I have such a bitch of a time calling people back right away. I feel like an a$$hole.

43. A better name for me would be: Porkchop Maru. Or Frassypants Giblet. Maybe Teabag Carpettack? Yukon Cornelius? Lorenzo Lamas?Chickentime Clownshoes?

44. If I ever go back to school I’ll: Finish.

45. How many days until my birthday?: 9 months. You do the math. I'll be sending out my birthday list next week. Never too early to start, y'know? I like cologne that doesn't smell like gasoline, and top shelf liquor that I can serve friends and loved ones.

46. One dead celebrity I wish I’d met is: Martin Luther King Jr , Ernest Hemingway, Bruce Lee.

47. I’ve lived at my current address since: January 2005

48. I’ve been told I look like: Sean Penn, Bryan Brown, Robert Englund, Ryan Stiles, Patrick Dempsey, Robin Williams, Grimace, a Hairy Gonad, my Dad.

49. If I could have any car, it would be: The A-Team van.

50. If I got a new dog tomorrow, I would name it: Bruno Ponce-Jones

Dumb lil' things gettin' me hot for 2-nite...

Hear me now-

1st- I bought Raspberry Chipotle marinade at the Mega-Target. (I passed by one on the way to work, and went in to see what the fuss was regarding their lower prices. Yes, their s#it is notoriously cheap. $1.59 for a can of Progress that's usually $2+ at the other chains? Faaaaaahk. They also had crab stuffed salmon. HEA-ven.) I will be making baked raspberry chipotle chicken breasts tonight...And they will be glooooorious. There will be plenty left, (I'm making extra's for the 'Bean) so you let me know if you want some. Yum-sters.

2-On the Chipotle kick, I know I've spoke of my mad habit to douse almost all food with Tabasco (Anything to assist the metabolism, you know?) but don't know if I've ever spoke of the joy that is "Chipotle Pepper" sauce. Bomb-diggedy. Not too hot. All too flavorful. I'd do shots if my co-worker didn't threaten me with projectile vom after "miming" I would drink the s#it straight...it's that good. Find it. Buy it.

3- Seeing "V...for Vendetta" tonight with Sploosher and Ry-Gonn. I'm thinking that it should be a hot ticket. I'm really jonesin' for a bad-ass Alan Moore interpretation. (Even if the man disowns every movie that's ever been made based on his work. Well cripes, have you seen the shite that was "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen"? Ptui. Crap Crap Crap.) I'm doubting that this'll be a comic franchise to dress the kids up as during Halloween (Hey everyone! Send out little Timmy or Dolly as "V"- Complete with Hat, Guy Fawkes Mask, and Anarchist Manifesto. Shave little Dolly's head so that she can play "Evey"... yeah.)

Plus?

I think I'm figuring some housekeeping stuff on a personal level. I've felt like I've been spread pretty thin over the last couple of months, and by trimming some superfluous baggage and letting some projects go I'm starting to solidify avenues of my life that were a little...nebulous. Hella not perfect, but closer to fine than I was before.

(Sighs)

Well. I normally get easily distracted, but this borders on the ridiculous.

After an invigorating jog, I was all frassed up and ready to go to wire fu last night, when the roommie and I had a heart to heart. We've been dancing around our own personal "bullet points", and we finally were able to address a few of them. (No gang. Nothing juicy. Just "us" stuff.)

I'm a big fan of being a communicator (Say it with me guys: "Be a communicator") I think that it's far more important to get shit out and off your chest/conscience then to let it stew and boil. No, you aren't always going to be able to articulate yourself as wonderfully as you like, and sometimes you aren't always going to enjoy what you hear. But it's so much more important than sitting on the thumbtack which is the issue.

So if you got something to say, say it. If you don't know how to say it, figure it out.
Yes, it is that easy.

Worked for the 'Bean and I...

More Random Kibbles

6 Trivial things:


1) I am a closet lazy-ass/pokey-pants. Even though I hatehatehate being late? I'll poke until the last freakin' second before I have to be somewhere. And lazy? For all the anal retentive cleanliness I project, I do weird things like...folding my laundry after it's fresh outta the dryer...then leaving it in the basket for 4 days. (Instead of, ohhhh, actually carrying it upstairs and putting it away? Yeah. Orley/LC? The shirt I wore to the Tina show? Still hanging downstairs. Yeah.)

2) I time things out in my brain. Specifically distances. I measure distance in time. Work commute? 26 minutes. Time to dorajar's apartment? 17 minutes when traffic is good. Time to my parents from my house? 20 minutes. Time for me to get ready in the a.m.? Under 20 minutes.

And b/c I am so lazy, I usually give myself a 30 minute window to go anywhere. So from a geography/timing perspective, I automatically assume I am 30 minutes from anywhere.

3) I Heart NTN Trivia. It is probably not a good date idea to bring Baby P to a bar/restaurant that has Trivia playing b/c I wouldn't be invested in the conversation as much as I should...I'd probably be too busy trying to figure out which movie won the Academy Award for Best Picture in 1962.

4) I Heart video games just as much. I can't fathom the idea of wasting countless hours in front of the TV playing video crack...(Too much time spent during the 2000/01 fiscal playing Jedi Power Battles)...except I have no compunctions about drinking cocktails and dropping $20 playing Gauntlet with a bunch of buddies.

5) I'm all about being adventuresome...trying new things and places...but when I go out to Breakfast has got to have Coffee/OJ/Water. (Funny. At home I just have juice)

6) SPEAKing of coffee AND trivia, I always get a little excited when I know the answer to the Caribou trivia. Apparently, the Thumb is in fact a finger. And here I thought it was an opposing digit.

Wooooo, getting lazy!

So much to blabber on about the weekend...

First, some quick frass:

My terlet handle broke on Friday night when I came home from work. Normally no big deal (I'd go downstairs) but w/the roomie situation as it is, I'm also the makeshift landlord that needs to make sure everything works. (Lord help me if and when a major catastrophe happens...knock on wood. Shit...it broke) So I tried to jerry rig it since I had to get my buns out to fight on Friday. After a long night the night before, and before, I figured I'd take a power nap/bounce up/and head to 'Fu.

No such luck.

The phone ringing woke me up at 6:15pm (Class is a half hour away, at 6:00pm. It's disrespectful to walk in and be like "Hey guys? We gonna whoop or are we gonna whoop?") It was my dad, who talked to me about taxes and toilets for another goodly hour. Company was arriving soon, so I knew that a run (The night was just GO-jus) was going to be out of the question unless I could get to the Depot for a replacement part, toute suite.

Depot for part? That was no problem. Figuring I should quick like a bunny run over to Target to grab something? Big Problem. Oh no, not a spending problem. It was the big puddle I drove through to park my car.

Which was half ice. (I thought it was melted)

Which, upon exiting my vehicle, caused me to do this sort of...hitch kick sorta thing in front of me and go down ker-SPLAT in a hand plant. (Thankfully, and really, this is my only consolation, no one saw me. ) It hurt. My wallet went flying out of my inside pocket I went down so hard, and so I'm scrambling trying to grab my petty cash and CC's which were in the puddle. Not good times.

I get into the Bullseye, and I'm picking bits O' gravel out of my palm when I turned my wrist over to notice that blood was pouring down my arm. (Not the whole "quick, suck on it and no one will notice". It was free-flowing) so I had to be all stealthified and warsh up quick before anyone noticed.

I got in and out toute suite (Not before grabbing some liquid skin) and got back to fix the terlet and prep for company.

Sats was a busy day of work, fu, groceries, lockouts, scrambling like a fiend to find my '04 Tax info and cleaning up the Georgie hairs b4 heading here w/Mopes to meet my 'rents supper. Community meals were shared (Say it with me...P's are pickers) meter's were plugged (I probably didn't need to worry about missing my jog. I must've ran out to feed both meters at least 3 x's) We headed out to meet some of her out of townie buddies in Hamel, so we took a side trip to Sunset's to kill a half an hour.

Things not to do: Order wine without consulting a wine list. We would have been better off walking out on that tab. 2 glasses equal how much? Yeesh.

We went and visited, and made the determination that the movie "Most Valuable Primate" is indeed...one of the worst...films...ever. See, it's a monkey? That plays hockey....yeah.

(By the way? Do you know how I know that I'm a grampa? I was in bed and snoozing by 10:00pm. On a Saturday. Yeesh.)

Sunday brought "Brunches for Buddies" at the Rock where dreams were discussed and dissected-Then Taxable goodness/Manual Labor for the 'Rentals the rest of the day. (Lot's of "M...gawdammit...you're going to have to pay in. No, wait...you're getting a little back. No...gawdammit, you ARE paying in...Wait...I forgot to add this form...Nope, you're up shit creek Mad Dog..." I love it.)

And what was next? That's right baby. MN Wild Hockey. Dorajar and I headed out for some icy goodness, which was actually pretty exciting despite the fact that we lost. We rode the escalator to Wonka-ville (Um...I figured 2nd level meant the one right above 1st. Notsomuch. We went up 4,000 feet. I think Sherpa's were hanging out with oxygen tanks, you know?) We watched the midgie midgies play hockey in between periods, overheard some intense banter from the jersey-wearer's, and ended the night with a lil' post Wild Perky-goodness. (Sorry baby...I promise you'll see me eat a hot dog at a Twins/Saints game. Someday.)

And now? We are back to another full week. My body is feeling mendier, so I'm going to get back into jogging outside to take advantage of the pretty temps. A pretty full week, all told, including El Teatro' (I'm Jeune Leuning and Heaping of the Slag. Not every day I get to hear my own voiceover. Hell, I'll probably never do voice work again...I may actually boo myself.) Fu'ing in the Wires (Seriously? 2 weeks since my last visit. If it wasn't my body, NATURE was my enemy)

Rambly return post. Happy first day of Spring everyone...hope y'all have a grrrrreat Monday! Remember: "Today is the First Day...of the rest of the week")

(I totally forgot to blog about this in all of my busy-ness, but dinner on Thursday night was bombastic. Eat at Tum Rup Thai if you like Thai Food. Go. It burns...oh Dear yes, it burrrrrrns. )


Do you know what I hate? I got up all extra early today in order to stretch out, get to work early, so I could leave a little earlier? I found out that I'm training new hires until 4:30pm.

Looooong day today.

ONE WORD me me

*ONE WORD*


This is a riot. Please respond.....Describe me in ONE WORD...just one word! Send it to me only, then send this message to your friends & see how many strangethings people say about you! This could be fun! Just hit reply and send me my one word back.Then forward this message on to your friends (including me) & see what they say about you!



(I'll include my response either via email, or "Comment". PS, Welcome home MD)

xoxoxo

Meme from Nixie

I had a great time night last night with Orley and Nix at the 318 (Last time I saw Tina was when she played Lee's with the Red Hots...circa 2000? Seriously, waaaaaay too long. I had a great time guys. She sounded fantastic) I have learned that maybe I don't want a camera phone, since I am a terrible picture taker as the photo's on their blogs clearly demonstrate. Smooches, hugs, and a late night snow storm ended the evening. (The 'Bean was too damn cute- Up and at 'em bright and early so that he could have a turn shovelling. Go get'em, 'Bean!)

Play this with me: (From the Mechanical Contrivium)

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Happychristmasbaby!

1. In the Great Seal of the United States the eagle grasps 13 arrows and happychristmasbaby.
2. Happychristmasbaby cannot burp - there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in his stomach.
3. Olive oil was used for washing happychristmasbaby in the ancient Mediterranean world!
4. Bees visit over three million flowers to make a single kilogram of happychristmasbaby.
5. Marie Antoinette never said 'let them eat cake' - this is a mistranslation of 'let them eat happychristmasbaby'.
6. Without happychristmasbaby, we would have to pollinate apple trees by hand!
7. Happychristmasbaby can squeeze his entire body through a hole the size of his beak.
8. Happychristmasbaby is the male seed of a flower blossom which has been gathered and treated by bees!
9. The Aztec Indians of Mexico believed happychristmasbaby would protect them from physical harm, and so warriors used him to decorate their battle shields.
10. Reindeer like to eat happychristmasbaby.

http://thesurrealist.co.uk/trivia.pl" method="get" style="background-color:#5F5F42;color:#CFCF95;padding:4px;text-align:center">I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

Hardly a Kingly sum, so Help...

Here's the deal.

Annual Reviews came about (don't get me frassin' about the individual bonuses that our company decided to, ahem, NOT give out this year to my department. Working my a$$ off only not to get a bonus. My whole consultant group is frassy!) well I get a raise like the rest of the corporate chum, and that coupled with my meager tax return means that, for the 1st time in many months, I have a little extra $ on hand.


Oh no! I'm not retiring just yet. However, what usually happens this time of year is two-fold: Throw a ridiculous amount of it toward paying off debt, and treating myself with a splurge. (Something I never do.) I'm posting this for a couple of reasons: 1)I'm pretty fucking terrible at buying things for myself and others (2) I thought if y'all see something on their that strikes you as ridiculously superfluous-that I haven't already acknowledged as overdon, you will talk me out of it...(That'll mean you big brother)

So far: I'm already squirreling funds away for credit card repayment. That's a given. As well as tickets to Cali and NY. (Reeee-Dick, how cheap they are going for right now.)

The yeah-yeahs (Some stuff I'm leaning toward which I'll probably wind up buying in spite of any and all suggestions, this is "Less Pricey" No, I can't get everything...so help a brother out.)

-Nice bottle of cologne. Maybe two. (Aqua Di Gio by Armani, or maybe a bottle of D & G. Both are snifftacular)
-Clothes. (Tan pocketed cargo pants ala' Dirk Pitt, I don't got. And new dress shirts/ties...maybe some new stain blockers to assist with masking my incontinence. And I just noticed a hole in my sweater...too bad frassin' stores have already pulled winter shite and stocked swim trunks. Frass) Having new T-shirts, Socks, and Undiepants always make me feel like a new man.
-Running shoes. (Winter running has taken it's toll on my outdoor trainers. I require "New Balance")
-New dress shoes. (Yeah)
-New sweat pants. (My gray babies have a biiiiiig old hole in the Crotchsky and Hutch)
-Renew my AAA Membership. (I'll need a triptych if I drive from San Fran to LA)
-Shop for storable perishables and frozen meat. (I can stock up for months. Months on frozen chicky boobs. Or have mom take me to Costco)
-Booze. Good Booze. Like Cap'n Morgan Private Stock, Bombay Sapphire, Patron Tequila, a bottle of Tullamore Dew....Y'know? Servables.
-New rib protector for karate
-Presents for upcoming birthdays (Be, Proactive, be-be Proactive!)
-A coat rack. God dammit.
-Curtains...I have no curtains, for the living room, TV Room, my bedroom, Jellybeans bedroom.... How can I say "It's Curtains for You!" Ehhhhh, next.
-Nice runner rugs
-Stain for my stairwell
-A new cell phone (Um, the tricorder is officially celebrating it's 5th year on earth. It needs retired. And I really, REALLY need a camera phone in a big bad way. Or at least something that doesn't have buttons that stick. Too much phone sex....HEY OH!)
-Oil Paints so I can actually paint a gawdamn picture and put it in the gawdamn Dykeman Hotel Frame. Still asking for suggestions!
-CD's (I've put off buying, but will get- "Do it Accappella", some Esthero, "Frat Jams"...you know? The classics.)
-DVD's (Don't get me started. I haven't even seen it yet and I think I need to own "Ong Bak")
-Nice Dinner ( I owe Dorajar big time and I'm thinking an Oceannaire or Ichiban visit is in order. Maybe Sushi-ables)
-Car fixed. (It's about time I get the head gasket fixed)
-Martini Glasses (FeeJ and I saw some hot ones on our "perfect day" shopping trip)
-New Candles
-Entertainment Memorabilia to decorate the TV room. (I need an Elvis Pelvis Clock)
-Matching skinny white nightstands for my bedroom. (And some more "Asian Flavored" Decor, like a big ass FAN)
-New lock on the front door.
-New floor lights
-New light for over my sink
-Dining Table Chairs.
-N0X Supplement

The "Not So Much unless maybe you get a winning scratch-off but try to talk me out of it anyway"
-Digital Camcorder w/Still photo capabilities. Or digital camera. I see too much funny not to be able to capture it. See the world my way, kids... It's a scary, but really funny, place.
-36 + Inch Flat Screen TV. I need something bigger than the midgie I deal with right now, which is an ex-roomie remnant and sucks.
-A new stereo w/multi-CD changer. Mine went kerflooey. I got me some good mileage out of a low end 3 Disc Emerson, though. Not bad at all. Low end is fine.
-An additional road trip to Chicaggy
-Patio furniture for the front porch and back yard. (I want something to be able to go out, sit down, and enjoy my coffee on the front porch in the sunshine. The back yard patio furniture will fit right-on-my-new PATIO!)
-One of those new-fangled cool looking gazebo-awning things that I always see at Target. My last trip to the Bullseye, this suburban mommy and I stood and oogled one and we both actually said "This thing is pretty frickin' cool". It'd fit right over my patio. Where the hot tub should live.
-A flat screen computer monitor and a new keyboard. Mine are HUGE and HUGE. A total waste of space. The 1998 model monitor and 1999 model keyboard are not only cumbersome, but aesthetically ridiculous for the sleek Compaq that I have. Girly? Yes.
-New Refrigerator from Appliance Smart. (Mine is old. Over 26 years old. And a huge energy drain. The interior light switch is out, so I don't know if I'm grabbing juice, water, or pickles if I go down to get water. I can get a better model for under $600 and they'd haul that old sumbitch away)
-New cabinet + overhead microwave with ventless range hood for over my stove/oven. Probably the most expen$ive thing here, it would really complete my kitchen. Out of budget, this is what homeowners get really turned on about.
-A small, comfy, L-shaped love seat for my TV Room. Dorajar pointed out the blatant "uncuddle-ability" factor of two, very uncomfortable chairs parked side by side.
-A corner TV stand for the TV Room. That white piece of shit cabinet is getting on my nerves, and looks about ready to fall over. Dark wood to match the existing shit.
-A runner rug for the stairwell.
-A new stairwell going downstairs
-Chain link fencing for the North side of my backyard, and privacy fencing for the front and the alley. (We build it)
-New front door and a new secure screen door.
-A tile wet saw. I'm going to be re-tiling the backsplash in the kitchen and doing a hella-work on the upstairs bath.

-Annnnnnd that 17 year-old Bulgarian Mail Order Bride I've had my eye on will be turning 18 in April...Hmmmmmm.

Gratis stuff....
-Help with laying down the pergo on the front porch
-Help installing the ceiling fans in 'Bean and my rooms
-Help installing that light fixture for over the sink...
-Help installing a fence

I'm easy. So, did anyone make it to the bottom of my selfishness? Any thoughts? Please? ADD Boy is hurtin'!

Quick snow frass...while it's topical-

So we go from balmy to a$$tastic within 24 hours. Full Force Blizzard ge-dumpin'. It isn't much of a surprise, since historically we always get whacked with a snow-job during MN High School Winter tournament season (Boys and Girls Hockey, B-Ball, etc) Therefore, if historically you have experienced a thing, you are able to anticipate the thing, thereby eliminating a majority of surprise. Logic in action.

My frass was born from the fact that, since I was in elementary school, I've never had a "Snow Day". Whether it's K-12, College, working in Corporate America...My one snow day came after 10/31/1991 when we were ge-dumped with biblical level snowdrifts. (See, even city officials say things like "When the motherf#ckin' snowplows get stuck, it's time to cancel some s#it.") I mean, we live in MN...Hello? Snow? And maybe they were just being pu$$ies, but the weatherpeople and radio heads were all singing the same song: "Don't frassin' drive. Bad Idea Jeans"

So what do I do on this snow day? I drove to work. Even though my (normally) 25 minute commute was stretched out to a little over an hour and a half, I still went in to work. Even though there was literally Zero visibility for a majority of my drive. Even though the snow was not only blinding, but wet and heavy too. Even though street signs were covered and I nearly missed my exit. In spite of the fact that I drive like a champ in this weather (And Peggy, my purple Saturn, handles like a dream. She made it up hills without sliding and everything) The renewed frass came when the roads started getting cleared up. Then the temps dropped. So we have very slippery roads. Very.

And driving back home after my voiceover bit for Pro Rata in the early pm, I hit an icy patch in front of the convention center, spun about (Missing another car by yes- inches) , and got stuck in a snow drift. I was pissed. As I was getting out of my car, I was surrounded by 6 guys (Some CC employees) who said "Get back in, we saw it happen, we'll rock you out..." and before you can say "Motherfrassin Snowbank" POP I was free. And my samaritans were dispersing as if nothing had happened. That felt good. Good to be free again.

In related news, I stopped in the Stop N Go (No "A" or "D" necessary in the word "And". N is fine, thank you) for some soda, and became engaged in this bizarro theological discussion with the colorful cashier. (Seriously? And Dorajar will attest to this, he is something else. If you can avoid it, don't get him started...'cause he won't stop. Ever.) That night, maybe b/c of my near miss experience I felt like chatting with him. And we did, for nearly 30 minutes. We talked religion, altruism, love and the capacity for human beings to love one and other. How we need to all take long looks in the mirror before casting judgement, and how we have become a blame-centric society ("Folks're always pointin' tha finger at someone or something: Video Games, Music, Movies, TV...Whut're the parents doing about it? Where's mom and dad?" We even touched on Karma, which he didn't subscribe to but I happen to think what goes around comes around. (Just don't go looking for a reward if you do the right thing, dig?)

And then another customer entered, so I left.

I knew when I got back home that I had my work cut out for me with the drifting (My walkways were covered in nearly knee deep snow. I had to dig, lest the Texas Jellybean get stuck walking to the front door!) My neighbor, while I was inside getting bundled, took the liberty of plowing out the sidewalk block. (Maybe for my shovelling his walkway the past couple of light snowfalls) We chatted, and I said I'd get him back if he wanted. When I finished the back yard path and got all the way to the garage, I saw that someone from the city plowed out the area where our driveway would be- Freeing access to the garage. My back and I were grateful.

So, as if to appease karma (And, you know, the timing just worked out this way) I helped dislodge not one, but 2 cars that got wedged in the icy snow berm in front of the house next door.

And, I went inside...and went to bed.

I just heard that we're expecting 6 more inches overnight. (sighs)

The High School Tourney's will be over soon.

Panna What's It?

So the weekend was indeed wonderful, full of tidbites and meeting new wonderful people. It was honestly hard for me to process it all, but first-

Friday brought Baby P his 1st visit to the Sample Room w/the loverly Dorajar (This place, I'm pleased to say, will continue to get my patronage. The Baby P, approves. Although the Grilled chicken salad would have been much better served over spinach with sundried tomatoes. We were jus' sayin'.) Afterwards we hit Elsie's for a b'day celebre' which we stayed at for a much shorter time than anticipated. (Packed bar, No lanes available, karaoke line up a mile long...Eh. We'll go back again when our energy is higher. It was just a long feckin' week)

Sats, instead of working I spent the day house-putzing and working out. That's right, I was able to jog out of doors in shorts and a t-shirt. It was AWESOME! After a refreshing naplet (And a shit haircut) I headed out to small gathering b-day celebre' at the E to Prairie India Palace. I got to kibbitz w/Orley (Honey...you looked hot.) fuh-Hinally meet Nixie (Hi honey. You're really GoJus) and nibble some naan and Chicken Kevin Pollack. (Okay, this disintegrated from Chicken Palaka, to Chicken Pollack, to Chicken Kevin Pollack. Boys and girls, this is the scary place called my brain) after dinner, and one of the largest tabs I'd ever laid my eyes on, we hit Biaggi's for some quieter settings and HI-larious conversations about tights. Or was it tits?

Either way, it was a good time.

Late late late, I spit the bit to the Paul, where I hunkered down, and realized that there are just certain songs that trigger a reverse parastoltic reaction and make me want to leave the room. ("lalalalalaAmerica...lalalalalaMERica..." burrrrrfffff burf burf burf. Who plays that on a XM radio, anyway?) And I was tired. Tired Tired Tired...


Which made the ritual Sunday Bkfst soooooo awesome...Wait for it.

Wait for it...

Waaaaaaiiit...

PAAAAAANNEKOEKEN!

MAN I hadn't been to a Pannekoeken Huis since June 1993 when they still existed on Brooklyn Blvd. Granted, the servers stopped wearing the "Saint Pauli Girl" garb, but they still came trampling out the kitchen screaming the name of the signature dish. (Well, not screaming. We figured the servers who said it...prayed for death. MoPes said that if she'd work there she'd come barreling out of the kitch like her A$$ was on fire SHOUTING the P word. Can you imagine her review? "Um...we really like your...um 'enthusiasm'? But we're a little concerned about how the patrons perceive your appearance? I mean, the wooden clogs are nice and all, miss, but I'm quite sure they aren't ergonomically correct" Okay, funny to us)

I opted for the veggie om, ('Course) and that sumbitch was the size of a football, lemme tell ya. Brunch was followed by BM's @ the Independent and a sniff-worthy trip to Magers and Quinn bookstore. All told...a verra, nice day.

Heute abend, watched a little "Walk the Line-age" to see whart the fuss was about. Here's my mini-review:

Reese? Did not deserve to win. Period. Nope Nope Nope Nope. The lady playing Viv Cash had more range. Someone else deserved that award.
If you do drugs in a movie? You're bound to sweat like you just ran a marathon. Drugs are bad.
I wanted a little more about the music. Just a little more.

Zen..bed. And very good timing. Storm frass, coming up...

Samuel wasn't so Fantastic

Balls. Balls Balls Balls.

This frass, started with a haircut.

I decided that it was high time to trim back the Baby P rakish mop (That Mom and Dora seem to love so much.) I got some shite from a friend last night, and since I'm going to a b'day celebre' w/a beautiful young lady who happened to work for a gazillion years at Aveda, I needed to have it a wee bit shorter. Et war zu gross. (Too long. Winging.)

Disclaimer: I'm pretty "guy-ish" when it comes to haircuts. Most folks know I don't salon it (except when it needs dyed or something ridiculously drastic. Money well spent folks, unless you wanna look like Rainbow Brite) Since I can't justify spending the $, I'm just as happy to go to a local clipper chain and get a trim. And for as much frass as I've placed into the trauma of getting my haircut, I've always been pretty satisfied.

So, when I popped into said chain, I should have obeyed my Spider sense when the little bit...I mean girl (Yes, she was 12) asked for my info and told me to have a seat.

You all know this girl. The one from High School who was pretty cute, fake tanned, hung with the really cool girls and did shots of Peach Schnapps at parties, and always ALWAYS had that look on her face that said "I do not want to be here" (Whereever "here" was at the moment)

So when she sat me down in the chair and asked what I wanted, I tried to be pretty easy going about the whole smear- "About an inch to an inch and a quarter all around please. Like it is now, only a little shorter". (I'm still staying pretty positive and polite)

"'Kay" was her only response. I could tell I wouldn't be getting a chatty Cathy. And she was silent, dead silent, through the entire process unless asking "Did you want it straight in the back" or "Is this enough?" No smiles. No "Are you from around here?" No "Big plans for the weekend?" Nothing.

Here is my deal: Haircuts are kinda (if you're me) like, ohhhh sexual encounters. If you go to a Professional stylist at a Salon, you get pretty much the sexual equivalent of an all night boinkfest. And when you leave, your toes are curled...you've got an achey belly, scratches on your back, and your underpants are a little sticky. It was just that good. You know? 'Cause you get witty conversation, a scalp massage (To me, this can be like sex...but I'm easy) a fantastic 'do by someone who probably paid a lot to learn their craft and when you walk out it's like WOW! That was positively orgasmic. I can't WAIT to go back to get "coiffed" again. Hair fuckingly good.

Now, you can even have a good sexual experience when you go to a chain. Seriously. It's like a one night stand, only it's still pretty good. You got it out of your system. You run into the chain at a party and you're like "Hey" and they are like "Hey" and you say "You wanna ditch this place and go back to my apartment?" and the chains says "Ok"...You get your cut, and you walk out feeling pretty good. You might even have a spring in your step, and they didn't do anything really drastic. (This happened to Baby P, circa 1993, when Yolanda at my BP barber cut off the mullet. It was shortly thereafter the Sno-Daze queen and I went to Prom. The haircut? Was that good...no lie)

THIS haircut...hoooooo lemme tell ya. This one was the "Regretter". You got drunk. Spent the night. Woke up and said.."Oh, fuck. What did I do?" You know...the haircut where you are in the middle of it thinking "Man...this is just NOT doing anything for me...I could give a better haircut than this!" The type of haircut where they spend alllll their time on the TOP of it, without spending any time underneath on the sensitive bits...or the corona. The type where you wanna say "Um, I think I need to go to the bathroom" grab your underpants, and sprint out the door. Yeah. That-Bad.

So when she was finished and I was in the midst of the vain post-coital(haircut) exercise of looking at the end result (And seriously? How funny would that be if you got up after sex and just sort of...stared at yourself in the mirror? We make ugly enough faces while in the actual act...I mean, what are you? Patrick Bateman in "American Psycho"?) Well when she was finished she said "D'you want gel or something?" (Something...btw)
"Yeah, a little gel would be great". She sort of...patted...some gel on the top of my head, which was the equivalent of having your crotch swatted in lieu of a hand job.

I left. Feeling cheated. Vulnerable. And no better for having participated. I should have stayed at home with my loved ones.

So yeah. We signal the end of the "Rakish Mop"era and I've been able to sort of fix it into this hipster/spikey/trendy 'do, but I swear it hasn't been this short since 2003.


(sighs)


It looks a little bit like this. Except not as buff

Or this.

Happy birthday, Grandmaster...

Some Goon that goes by Norris is celebratin' his 66th birthday. I figure it'll take me a couple more years of training, and his incapacitation to a wheelchair (Or maybe a..."Walker"? HAHA!) before I'd have a shot at bowing and facing down one of greatest living martial arts legends of our time.

Aw what the fuck am I saying, and who the fuck am I kidding? Even if he were dead, ethereal CN could roundhouse kick me out of existence.

Happy Birthday, sir. Kamsamdida for being a positive role model for M.A's everywhere.

Fish Stories and Funny Ladies

Melinite...this post contains fish references. Be warned.

So my friend Muck-Muck turned 40 years old, and to celebrate we headed off to the local Dead Slobster for the seafood lover in us. (I had a gift card to burn, so I thought I'd treat he and Muckster # 2 Ry-Gonn to some birthday Omega-3 goodness. I'll be honest, it isn't my first choice for seafood, but it beat the hell out of choice number 1: BW3's for bar trivia and wings. Yeaaaaah.) I avoided the $10 slushie that passed for a Margarita after learning that the faux Mardi beads with the jingly lobster accoutrement is no longer being offered, instead opting to hop toward the back page in search of "lighter fare". And w/o a hint of irony? The lighter fare menu had some top-shelf tattie choices- I opted for freshwater fish: The rainbow trout, slightly blackened. It was so. Good. It was either that, the tilapia, or flounder (Flounder, RSvp, which I haven't had since 1981...I had to explain the entire Matagorda TX experience to these guys, including the oyster hunting boat trip. And could you believe those two chicken shits wanted the fried bacon wrapped calamari in lieu of a dozen raw oysters in a half shell? Insanity, I tell you.)

So the 40 year virgin birthday boy (Well he should be with some of the dumba$$ shit he says sometimes) Tells us: "I met a celebrity!"/"WHO?"/"You know David Pirner of Soul Asylum?"/"No shit, you met David Pir-"/"I met his brother..." Then he starts nodding... all "knowingly prideful". After we roll our eyes, he starts in on how Pirner the younger is in some cool indie band...but the damage is already irreversible.

Muck Muck then tells us about a couple of hilarious birthday messages from some very funny ladies: Blog lurker Sketchy Moll called him from the caves and sang happy birthday. (MS- When Brett did his impersonation of your birthday song, it was hilarious.) And apparently his sister also called and said "Hello, B? Thees ees Forty callllleeeng. Jus' checkeeeng eeeen."

When he called her back and said, "Nice message" she said "I never called you. That was Forty."

Too, funny.

Wow. This nice weather has got me all sorts of feisty. Maybe it's b/c of the weekend- (Please, nice weather, hold out so that I can go for an outdoor run) Working out, then Midnight Bowling tonight for Shel's b-day. Dinner at an Indian restaurant for Nixie and MA where I'm gonna finally see twocherries for the 1st time in ages.

Sunday, maybe I'll get around to doing those nefarious taxes. Maybe.

Have a good weekend everybody. I'll post something pithy, should pithiness strike.

*Let's also all take a second to welcome Tech and Portana to the great state of MN! (Portana-dana send a Hi-larious texty when she passed through Medorable ND...Yee to the Haw)

All of this talk of food!

I'm shameless with my love of Chinese food. Shame-Less.

After you first move in to an apt/house, you reconoiter. Yeah? What's the best freeway access (St. Anthony Pkwy to University or Lowry to 2nd to Dowling to 94), where are the gro-gro stores? (Cub-alicious over in the new S.A.V or the Quarry-bow.) Liquor stores? (S.A.V. is the cheapest in the 'hood, but there is a Municipal LQ over on 44th and Central that's open 'til 10pm most nights, but they are a little pricier) Where are the local coffee shops? (Non-chain. Keep it local, yo. Audubon, Urban Harlot, and Columbia Grounds are my beeeeeeetches)

Another dealio is finding the local Chinese restaurant. More specifically, the Chinese buffet.

I've done this just about every place I've lived. Uptown's always been pretty easy (Fresh Wok, Old China Buffet), same w/BeeP's...heck, even out in Medorable ND, we'd head out to Dickinson for some bomb diggety buffet. Moving back to Nordeast Mipples...there was only one choice: Le Grande' Dragon. Yumster Buffet. Awesome Take Out...& since I haven't eaten there in mooooonths, I'm fiendishly desiring the health-o-licious (And carb-friendly, MD) Steamed Chicken w/Mixed veggies. No MSG. Hay-ven.

Dorajar is coming over tonight for these vittles. If she doesn't like it as much as I do, it'll say a lot about how food-obsessed and excitable I can truly get. You're a weird one, Mr. P.


You know. "Taking it easy on my body", on days where it gets past 40 degree's? Feels almost criminal.

J.O.F*

Sorry for being so frasstastic yesterday. This here is a "Justification Of my Frass"* Read on, if'n you're curious. I'm not real big on being a bitcher...so yeah. Here it is.


There's been quite a bit on my mind lately and much of it stems from some personal maladies I've been dealing with. Nothing life threatening or overtly debilitating...

See, I've been a little sore. Sore since about, ohhhhhh, December? > : (

It started with a case of sleeping the wrong way, then waking up with a stiff neck and shoulders. No big whoop, right? Goes away in a couple O' days. Except it didn't, really. Sort of, comes and goes. I imagine it means I'm going to wind up needing to buy either a new mattress or one of those new fangled mushy space pillows...but for right now I occasionally get a stiffie from the base of my skull down through my trapezius and into my posterior and anterior deltoids.

So there.

I was getting a wall stretch i class 3 weeks ago and when my right leg went up into a front kick stretch I felt a little, how shall I say, yaaaaawn of my hamstring that hasn't really gone away.

And then there was that bookshelf moving incident with dad from last Sunday.

And getting kicked between the shoulder blades at the Junction.

I noticed I was having a shitty time trying to turn my head to the right or left when I was in a fighting stance.

And every time I got out of a chair after seeing a play, or movie...being prone for a long time? I'd get up with a "dad grunt" ("Oooooof")

I went for a jog last night to warm up before going to wire fu when I noticed by the, ohhhhh, last 1/3 of a mile I wasn't feeling like I was in the zone. It was more like every step I took went "boom, boom, boom" (in spite of maintaining "good running posture") and my right hammy was, for lack of a better word...tricky? Again.

I know. Wah.

I think that I maintain a pretty smart attitude about health and wellness. I believe that there is a balance between the healing power of the mind (Being able to push yourself beyond your own physical limitations or infirmities to become healthier or stronger) and being able to listen to your body. That balance, is not always easy to maintain.

When your body rebels, it can have a detrimental affect on your mental health. Same with diet. (Get it now?) You normally use higher octane fuel, then switch to the 87 grade, you're bound to get a case of engine knock. Of when you get a pinched nerve in your back, it can make your feet hurt. We have a wonderful machine that we move around in.

Conversely your brain can cause your body to shut down. A cloudy day affecting your mental attitude can make you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. (And that's just bad for posture.) Stress and lack of sleep can cause physical illness even if you don't come in contact with someone who is sick.

Balance

What did I do about it? I took a nap. And post-joggy soreness, took an Ibuprofen (which I had been avoiding for days). I talked to some friends. Took a shot of NyQuil. And was in bed early.

And today? Feeling peaches and cream, baby. Peaches...and...cream. Wearing a fetching sweater that I'm practically swimming in, it's-ah so-ah beeeeeg.

And I'm looking forward to tonight, where I can finish up some more projects in my room. Go to the Bullseye and May-nards.

And tomorrow night...where I'm having some delicious healthy Chinese food and laying aroundm, watching movies with someone I love very much.

And Thursday night...where I'm spending time with more friends who I love very much, & who I haven't seen in what feels like ages.

And Friday...if I feel all right...Fight?

And Saturday...where I am going to a birthday party for more friends who I love very much...and who I have not, in fact, seen in ages. And eat Indian Food. Yee-Hamaste...

And start a new week, afresh.

So yeah. It's all good in the 'hood.

xoxox

There can "P" only one...

'Cause I'm melancholy on a Monday, and I needed some geek-cheerin' (I've always thought I was more Connor than Duncan)



You're a lot like Connor, the main character of the
movies. You're the quiet one, and you stay
close to the few friends you have. You never
say the word goodbye, fearing that it might
mean forever. You're very loyal to your
heritage, and brave to boot. You're happy
with the life you lead, except for the
"living forever" part. You never
asked for it, and you sure didn't want it.

Which Highlander Immortal Are You Most Like?
brought to you by

Gluttony and the weekend...

Hi. My name is P, and I’m a porkaholic. My propensity to habit-snack is both an astounding and frightening thing. A veritable wonder to behold.

It was a good good weekend, as you know. Cable is had. Fighting was done. Jacuzzi’s were…Luke warm to Hot-ish? (I’m sorry ‘bout that, love. For future reference kids, 95 degree’s isn’t a conducive temperature for hot tubs. It feels like bathtub water that you’ve been sitting in for too long)

Sats was a day of work, working out, auditioning for "Penchant for Penice", and a 2.5 hour nap. (Glorious) Sats eve, well…I’m sorry if I masked my true feelings regarding "Ultraviolet". I hit DC Oral’s 12th night soiree’, where you will now be introduced to what I call "Gluttony 2, Electric Boogaloo".

I’m all for splurging when you have a regimented diet. Even we health fanatics need a cheat day, but man-o-manechewitz, I forgot the kind of spread he puts out. Chicken stir-fry in a peanut sauce, spanakopita, artichoke dip, flourless chocolate cake (death), Pate’, chocolate fondue. It’s not so much that I had naughty food, or that I ate dessert…I just ate-too-much, and I was UN-comfortable. (Remember, class, what I say about "portions") My gorge was rising all night long. I felt like I was insulting the deliciousness of the food by having it sit ever so lovingly midway between my esophagus and stomach. Mmmmmmmm.

So Sunday, I decided to take it easy. After enjoying some delightful coffee/newspaper time, I skedaddled home to get a little R and R B4 Oscar partying in the p.m. Let’s just wrap this up by saying that yes…I managed to eat my way through all three levels of this charming St. Paul home. All, Three, levels. Again, gorged. Again, gorge rising.

So I need to learn a little control. I started feeling self-conscious after a while. But c’mon…they had sushi! And German Sausage. And clever cocktails. And bbq meatballs. And chicken satay skewers. And KFC. And there was P…shovelling. (Sorry Kaiser…I thought your cake design was cool, I just don’t dig on the sweets.)

Sighs. My conjoined twin I absorbed in utero must have been hungry.


Next topic-

What does "actor boy" think about the Oscars? I liked it. You know, outside the fact that I think I had seen maaaaaybe 3 of the total movies nominated? I have a weekend coming up where I rent the f#ck out of those movies and lock myself in the tv room…watching. I think I need that in a big bad way.

At least that way I can regulate what I’m eating. Jeez Louise.

Quick Monday Frass...

The exit I get off to go to work in the morning let's out onto a 45 mph street. This street, is punctuated by 4 stop lights before my final turn off to my building. It's bad enough that all 4 lights are all on timers, and the timers uuuuussssually take approximately 3-4 minutes to switch. (And eternity when you are in the car. Waiting)

No, what's worse is when you start to get "up to speed" and the light turns red just as you get up to about 40 mph, forcing you to slow immediately down.

And then it does the same thing, for all-4-stop-lights.

I swear there's a fucking gnome, watching from a hidden camera just for people like me.


Other frass-

Pouring the hot water from the dispenser by the coffee machine and a little scalding water splashes on your hand. For, Ouch.

I gotta new one...

Batman and Robin, Brannagh's Frankenstein, Troy, The Phantom Menace (Except for the last fight) )...All terrible movies that barely, baaaarely made it into the DVD/VCR.

Now, did you ever notice that when you're in a movie theatre, you're kinda stuck? Yeah, sure you can always walk out, but there is that part of me that says "Hey P, you just spent ($5-$9) on a movie...might as well stick it out"

Well. This movie pretty much was one where I was stuck. Like, LaBrea Tar pit stuck.


Just. Ugh. Milla is hot and everything, but even that and a bare-ass shot weren't enough to redeem this sad, silly little movie. It should have come equipped with a ring that contains a cyanide pill. IJS.*

Avoid. Please. You can find a heck of a lot better "ass kicking womyn empowering" movies out there. Or re-watch "The 5th Element".

I need a brain cleaning.


* What the movie really needed was to be rated R, have more bloodshed, more nudity, and more vampire mythology. Instead, we get "Milla kills everyone...whether it be one dude, or 1,000 dudes". Just, bleargh.

Hi

Guess where I'm typing this from?

Yup. Home.

Which means that I'm no longer a luddite.

Which means the cable dude showed up.

Showed up early, even...

Which meant he was out and done b4 5:15pm.

Which meant I could go and fight.

Which (I think) made my "Sister from another Mister" MD pleased as punch.

Which meant she punched me a lot. As did Lee, Jake, David, and that 17 year old brown belt who knocked me in the head. (I got him RsVP...Spin hook kick. Mr. R approved. Btw, it was a pretty "old school" night in BC. I'll tell ya all about it later)

Anyway...rambling.

I'm happy to be online again. Back to traisping into the sites forbidden...such as "Midget Pumpers and Real Life Plumpers" and "Slammin' Granny in the Fanny"...

IJS

I heart the internet

That was a feerkin' AWESOME dinner...

So, MeeP's decided on having a big kid dinner night last night, got gussied up, and went to dinner @ Azia. If you haven't been, go. This meal was 'eavenly. Ab-so-lutely 'eavenly. We enjoyed an app order of Satay Skewers, 2"Mo"jitos, Sake, and follow up Sake-tini, and then...wait for it...

wait for it...

wait-for-it...

Lemongrass Monkfish served over bowtie pasta. Served in a recepticle that was roughly the size of a mixing bowl. Huge. The fish were chanting Latin hymns..."Pie Jesu Domini im Requiem Canteloupiea"

Yeah. I ingested more carbohydrates/calories in one setting than I've eaten since 12/1/05. You heard it here first, true believers. I'm part of the Azia Clean Plate Club. (I TOLD y'all mo-fo's I eat! You should see RsVP and I at a buffet. We are a wonder to behold) All told, a public thank you to MeeP's for taking me out to dinner at a new restaurant. You are a goddess.

So, my bod didn't know how exactly to react to this debauch plunging of carbs...(or the shared tiramisu after dinner). And I was rewarded with a night suh-WEATING. I'd have been better off sleeping on my porch. I probably needed the massive calorie splurging, though.

Today? I opted keeping it light. Back on the wagon in terms of "simple diet". So after getting so busy that I almost missed my lunch? I threw together my veggies (Spinach) and soup (lentil). I'd say that there is a recipe for a cat-a$$-trophe. Two different types of roughage in one bowl? ka...boom. Sorry, TMI. (Although if I can make it out, I would be deadly at the dojo tonight. Can you imagine? "HiYA!!!! prrrrrrrrt")

Ma is being kind enough to let me sneak out to BeeP's and use the hot tub. I need it. I'm still feckin' sore on my hammy's. Have a great weekend campers! If you read this blog over the weekend, it might...MIGHT mean that I can start doing this shit from home!!!

YAY 'NET
Cable is Cooooming!

It was still sunny last night, at 5:30pm

The warm weather has caused the grass is to start showing. Spring is coming...and MAN do I love the smell of Spring. Quite a bit. It really fills you up ('specially while jogging. So nice, so nice I can cut out 2 layers from my cold weather gear) Clears your mind.

It's put me in a rambly frame of mind, though. I was looking down at the dirty snow while I was hoofing, and I realized that I really want to be able to run outside: In-the-sand. Barefoot. Run the length of the beach like I did out in California. Wearing nothing but sunscreen and my bathing suit. And when your run winds down, make a bee line right towards the surf and crash headfirst into the first cold wave that is taller than you. Letting your body adjust to that first bitter chill. And the gooseflesh after you step out of the ocean and lay down to dry off in the sun. I love beach runs.


I want more though. I want my "environment workout". I want to find a rockface with hand and footholds that spirals 12 stories. I want to climb outside, on the rocks, getting the scrapes and dings.

I want to hike through a huge forest. I want to smell pine, and the dying vegetation underfoot...accumulated for years.

For right now? I can't wait for late spring. When the soil has dried out enough that your foot doesn't sink in as soon as you step on the turf. I want that outdoor warmth again.

Temptation? Thy name is sparring....

So the cable guy is coming at a pretty poor time. Between 5-8pm. And y'all know how cable dudes are all, like, never there exactly at the time you want them to be.

Well it cuts into the 6:15 pm sparring class. And it's one of the 1st times in years that the SW Suburban students decide to crash the NW suburb dojo where I train. Too. Fun.

If, I knew Mr. Cable McCableson decided to show up at five.

This email message down here, This? Cracked-My-Shit-Up. Only from the fingers of MD.

"Call cable guy and tell him that something really important has come up and you need to be somewhere.
Beg if you can
I want to fight you!!!"

(sighs) That is one awesome lady.

March-i-pan

Here we are entering another Marz. For the non or New MN'ers this means the beginning of the end of a dour-ass winter. We can anticipate 2-3 more "major" snowfalls, which occur approximately around the time State High School Winter Sports Tournaments commence.
Funny. I found February '06 to be considerably more tolerable than previous winters.

Maybe it was the company? Maybe it was the gathering? Maybe it was the Texas Jellybean? Maybe it's all the love? Maybe it's the sparring?

Or maybe...just maybe...it's the booze.

I had my aurdition for "Flaming Purple Headed Warriors" last night. It was...I don't know. I did meh? You know when you walk out and you say to yourself "I think...I think I was lukey." It just don't think I clicked for the staff. (And it was probably the coldest cold read I'd ever done, seeing that I knew nothing about the characters/story other than what was described on the website)

Get this kids: The character of Rob Bob needs to be good looking and well built. Very well built. Greek God. He also needs to be comfortable walking around on stage in a jock strap...and little else. Now...while I have no compunctions regarding this type of direction. (Lord knows, if you were to come over to the P palace when he's on his nude vaccuuming bent, well... Scares the shit out of the mail-person LEMME tell ya.) Anyway, I just got the inkling that the director might, MIGHT be going in another direction. That, of course, is just mia opinion humblese. And yes, I've been on kind of a cold streak auditionwise and at this point it just wouldn't really surprise me much. Dorajar and I got to read together (Nice read, baby) and we ended up the very last ones to go. Afterwards, we went over and met the Tex-Bean, Redwright, KWT, Hotmama, J-froh, and D-baby for drinks at Prestons and much mirth and merriment and chard-shooters.

I've seen more of Preston's in the past 1.5 months than I have in 7 years. Fah-Knee to me.


I just realized how cram-packed my week is shaping up to be. Cram-Packed. Sardine-y, even.

TONIGHT, working out (yawn) and wire-fu. I've never been to a Wednesday class, but I'm anxious to see if I can get back into the actual harness and do some flying.

Tomorrow, is A.M. 'Fu, and then a long overdue formal big-kid nice dinner. (Danke, Ohmo)

FRI-Day, as you know, Cable guy is coming to get my internet set back up. Sing it with me now Fuuuuuucccck Yeeeeeeeeaaaah! 'Bean is beside himself with happiness, and me? Looking forward to downloading sites that Begin with "P" rhyme with Corn. Scratch that. Strike it from the record. (WIth my luck, mo-fo will be a no-show. Frass) It cuts into "spar time", but at least I don't have to take a day off of work just to wait around for this guys stupid a$$ to show up.

Sats- Work and I'm waiting to hear back on this audition/dialect workshop. Both, incidentally, decided to email me when they wanted to see me at the exact, same, time...which also happens to be the exact same time I am going to be at work.

Which means if they cut into my ubermorgan, I'm gonna miss frassin out to Burnsville to fight.

This is getting re-dick. My life, somedays, is not my own. I'm scheduled into next week.