WTF?

I'm a sucker for my horoscope. It's true. And while I don't subscribe exclusively to my Horrible-Scope profile (Thanks Jabas) I do get a kick out of referring myself as a Capricornicus-Pornicus. Probably more than I should. Go here and learn 'bout yourself...and everybody else. : ) And you know what? b/c I've gotta be me, I'm gonna add my 2 cents in parenthesis.

Once again, I hate valen-porn day.


The first time you meet a person with Capricorn horoscope, they may appear aloof, but what they really are, is cautious. (Hi. It's me. Cautious? Heh...oookay. Maybe a little, but fork...it's a full moon) Capricorns interests are in art, theater, music, and in their own career. (Doi. Doesn't EVERYBODY have an interest in these things? What about my interest in cooking? Hmm? What about THAT? Or my penchant for latch-hooking?) Usually they are drawn to people who are intellectually stimulating and they seek a partner who will fit into their realm of life. (And screw. They've GOT to want to screw a lot. Cap's LOVE them some humpsters.) People with Capricorn horoscope prefer to discuss serious subjects, however, will always be there to listen to a problem. (Riiiiight. This is describing the guy that happens to think dick and ball jokes are magical? Listen, yes. My preference, btw, is to keep things quite topical, shallow, and ideally about me. Tell me I'm pretty mommy.)

People born under Capricorn Sign appreciate luxury, although, they don't like splurging to make an impression. They feel that money is a serious issue that spells out security. (Um, this NE honkey be po'. I ain't trippin' on the ho' shit...brother ain't got no green and I finna be broke as a joke. That being said, I'm thinking of making a delicious Spinach Salad with raspberry vinagarette, carmelized walnuts, and feta...for my lil' soiree'. That sounds marvy, yeah? Luxury, meh.)

Capricorns tend to be dominating and are not easy to win over. (Tell me I'm pretty, and I'll follow you anywhere. Dominating, btw. These writers are pervy) They also expect to be pursued and not be the pursuers. (Except when I'm in full bore Ninja-Stalking phase.) If you're going on a date with this zodiac, make sure you're prompt. (And come with the full intention of wanting to hump. A lot.) If you say you'll be there at a certain time, be there. (Unless, say, you are definitely gonna put out. In that case...I can wait.) They are intolerant to people who say something and do something else. (Whoa. One universal truth in this entire sarcastic mess. I'm stunned. Okay, that's not true at all. I'm pretty tolerant to everybody. Don't JUDGE me horrible-scope!)

If you have a tendency to let your emotions rule you, then you may want to keep looking for someone else, since People born with Capricorn Sign can come across as cool and reserved. (Nope. Just cool. I'm about as reserved as a howler monkey that's been eating sugar and coffee all-day-long.) As they take a common sense approach in almost everything they do, it will be included in their relationship. They want to be cherished, honored, loved and respected. In return, passion will run deep and you will have a loving lasting relationship. (Are we still, you know, "doing it" after all that time? Are my all-new-old-cheap moves still working? Cool. Then this has been the most accurate horrible-scope evah.)