Metrosexual Justifications

"You are the GAYEST straight man I've ever met..." said my old buddy Dave S. as we were out for the geef's bachelor party last summer. His comment was born from the fact that, while my comrades were all slinging back brews and thingytails...I was knocking back a 2002 Pinot Grigio. In my khaki's. I get that sometimes, I assumed it was due to being clean cut, wearing pressed pants, drinking wine, unassuming, hammy but harmless, didn't date much as a kid/teen ("Do you know what Zero plus Zero equals??? FAAAG!"- Seriously, If you guys haven't ever enjoyed the comedy of "Kids in the Hall", you're missing out.)

There is the narcisstic streak (read: Dysmorphia) and I fret and fume about my chubs, eat healthy. I also happen to enjoy musical theatre, and I'm not a huge fan of sports or beer (I love attending the games, mind you- and that's my beer drinking time! I will not attend a Twinks/Vikes/Saints/Wild/T'wolves event unless I can have my pre-requisite beer and hot dog...waitaminute! Even THAT sounded gay!!)

I like labels, good cologne, classical music, I "groom", watch my posturing..etc I've had the rows w/less understanding ex's regarding qualities which they deemed "less than masculine" (Granted, this was an argument where, in the interest of being mean to me, the ex told me my acting was...'kinda gay'.) Even my big brother liked to fling out passive aggressive comments about my orientation in order to belittle me. (He's over it now, kids. I just told him he sounds like a moron and he doesn't believe that anyway.)
And here is a funny little Vegas story- Some drunk dude at Caesars looks at me and sez:

• "Hey Man..I luhh..like yer shurt..."
  
• (me) "Thanks".
  
• "Dood! I not fuckin' gay, aiiight?"
  

Life, my little porkchop. Get one.

I think when you strip down to the fundamentals (OMG, even THAT sounded Gay!!!) I've never really been too hung up on the label or caring what folks think. People that rail against gay marriage, and "Mo-ness" in general need to fix themselves a nice bowl of roughage and pour themselves a glass of "relax". Truth is I'm a lazy-ass, and being more open-minded and understanding sure beats holding a grudge or judging. Or "Grudging". Shitty movie.

So, yeah. Who cares, really. I'm off to the liquor store to pick up some more wine. Then to the gym. Then to shop for some new Gap Jeans. Why? 'Cause I can kick better in them, that's why.


Words of wisdom from P's dad: "Metrosexual, New Age Male, Sensitive Guy, Bunny Frou-Frou...they are all the same damn thing"