With an Oakland booty.
I fell off of the wagon from a diet standpoint last night. My reward, was a damnable case of heartburn. Serves me right for going through a bottle of Pinot, and noshing on raspberry/chipotle salsa, teriyaki wings, and that gawdawful chocolate covered check mix.
Bleah. I'm amazed I didn't barfski and hutch.
What I did do was attend a Superbowl Party at my friend "Ry's" house. He and his gal hosted a little soiree', and it was indeed..good times. Except the part where I talked non-stop for 3 hours. I was in full-on riff mode with some jokes landing, most others failing, and careening off on so many tangents, I can't wholly remember a majority of the conversations.
Except that it was a terribly lukewarm game. The commercials? Ehhhh. (The Cat/Knife/Spaghetti Sauce one was pretty tight.) I had more fun falling asleep to "The Exorcist III" than watching the game.
It is really hard to believe that I've been living in my house for a week. I go backwards 2 weeks, a month, 2 months, 4 months... The searching, the cleaning, the moving, the blah de blah de blah...Oh yeah, Drywalling, can now be called a bitch. We hanged our first section, and it was fricking tough. I know the walls will be much easier, but holy moses. I ate a face full of fibreglass when a piece of the plaster came down. I look Beautiful. Complete with a puffy face, and little cuts around my eyelids.
Monday, February 07, 2005
Thursday, February 03, 2005
F**king Rodent
Punxswatawney Phil can kiss my grits, that Lil' Sumbitch saw his shadow. Whatever. If we have 6 more weeks of 50 degree winter...well, have at it. Gives a little more creedence to global warming, you know? Actually, I can't recall (over the past 6-7 years) a really nasty winter. One where the whole month of January stays close to, or below zero for the entire month. The snow hasn't seemed too deep. (With the exception of a few narsty days) No, it's not like '94 (60 below windchills. Stops the very blood.) Or the snow from '91 (70 inches of snow in 36 hours...yuck) It's been wild and mild. Now, if I could keep from falling on my ass when the temps drop at night and the puddles freeze..I'd be golden.
I leave for work 'round 6 a.m. The house is dark. I try to make as little noise as possible so as not to wake my lovely fiancee'. Today's result of "stealth-dressing"? I put my underpants on backward. You discover this the 1st time you try and use the loo.
Crimes of the Heart Rehearsals: Not bad. I think that this is going to be a pretty good show, at least, the director seems very gung-ho about it. He was very supportive during my (brief) time at GC Church. Made me feel pretty good.
GeeF: I mentioned going to sleep with a full tummy while after you've been training for a while? I hadn't eaten a thing all day yesterday, and didn't get home until 10pm. I scarfed my dinner so fast, I hardly had time to know I was full. I went to bed, uncomfortably, and was rustled awake at 12:30 by J who said "God P!! You are sweating sooo bad!" I was. I had to strip down and alternate between being above the sheets and below. Not a great nights sleep. I wasn't hungry until after 2pm today. The chinese was delish, though.
And about that actress that was murdered in NYC? However you feel about the way she handled herself, or whatever your opinion be of the matter period-the bottom line is that it is a tragedy. My condolences to her family and loved ones. I hope that the pukes that did it get what's coming to them.
Portland/Kaiser: My heartiest congrats to you both on your new positions. I wish y'all the best of luck.
Anybody good at hanging drywall? That'll be my Superbowl Sunday!!!! YEEEAAHH!!!
I leave for work 'round 6 a.m. The house is dark. I try to make as little noise as possible so as not to wake my lovely fiancee'. Today's result of "stealth-dressing"? I put my underpants on backward. You discover this the 1st time you try and use the loo.
Crimes of the Heart Rehearsals: Not bad. I think that this is going to be a pretty good show, at least, the director seems very gung-ho about it. He was very supportive during my (brief) time at GC Church. Made me feel pretty good.
GeeF: I mentioned going to sleep with a full tummy while after you've been training for a while? I hadn't eaten a thing all day yesterday, and didn't get home until 10pm. I scarfed my dinner so fast, I hardly had time to know I was full. I went to bed, uncomfortably, and was rustled awake at 12:30 by J who said "God P!! You are sweating sooo bad!" I was. I had to strip down and alternate between being above the sheets and below. Not a great nights sleep. I wasn't hungry until after 2pm today. The chinese was delish, though.
And about that actress that was murdered in NYC? However you feel about the way she handled herself, or whatever your opinion be of the matter period-the bottom line is that it is a tragedy. My condolences to her family and loved ones. I hope that the pukes that did it get what's coming to them.
Portland/Kaiser: My heartiest congrats to you both on your new positions. I wish y'all the best of luck.
Anybody good at hanging drywall? That'll be my Superbowl Sunday!!!! YEEEAAHH!!!
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
I'm hooked up.
I have the TV and DVD player hooked up in the bedroom. We're back in the electronic age.
-I'm going back to stacked cabinets. They'll just look nicer. A little
more expensive, but it's equity...right?
-HD effed up the order. Wonderful.
-We'll need to tear down the plaster by this Sunday...'kay. No prob.
right? Tear down is easy...it's the needing to:
-Drywall the walls by this Sunday...'kay. No prob. Right?
J is getting pretty frustrated. A leaky pipe caused her great distress.
Her dad was able to fix it, and then promise to come show me how to do the
actual repair, but I know she's still a little raw. THAT sounded a little euphemistic.
-I start rehearsals for "Crimes of the Fart". I play "Doc" which is funny 'cause I actually think that I'm a little too young to play 'im.
-"Doc" is my future sister-in-law's nickname for me. Weird.
I...ahhhh. I got nothin'. Later.
-I'm going back to stacked cabinets. They'll just look nicer. A little
more expensive, but it's equity...right?
-HD effed up the order. Wonderful.
-We'll need to tear down the plaster by this Sunday...'kay. No prob.
right? Tear down is easy...it's the needing to:
-Drywall the walls by this Sunday...'kay. No prob. Right?
J is getting pretty frustrated. A leaky pipe caused her great distress.
Her dad was able to fix it, and then promise to come show me how to do the
actual repair, but I know she's still a little raw. THAT sounded a little euphemistic.
-I start rehearsals for "Crimes of the Fart". I play "Doc" which is funny 'cause I actually think that I'm a little too young to play 'im.
-"Doc" is my future sister-in-law's nickname for me. Weird.
I...ahhhh. I got nothin'. Later.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
That hits the spot
I felt like Ass-Id yesterday. My body was sore, I took off from wooork, I went home to help the J organize some more. And I felt wiped.
By 5:30, I thought "I have the flu". Cold, achey, run-down... From a physical stand-point, I was cruising for the bruising.
Then I hit the "Y"...and felt like a million smackers, all over again. A little streeeetch, a little liiift, a little jogggg. 15 minutes in the Heet Teeb, and another 10 in the Sah-OOOna (Sweatin' out those toxins) and I felt much better. Creative even. Yessir or ma'am, The "Y" will be my bathroom for the next few weeks. I hope the trade off is that I will be in great shape. More on that later.
The Creative: I met w/the HD peeps regarding our kitchen. Turns out, new kitchens take 6-8 weeks just to get the cabinets DELIVERED, that's not to mention the addt'l 6 weeks to get a countertop! Well, let's just say that we aren't financially capable of dining out nightly...for 2 months.
So, I fig after we get the shit-rock installed, we can jerry rig a countertop with some 3' X 6' ply and a couple of 36" 2 X 4's. It ain't "Beautiful Kitchen" but at least we'll have a spot for the coffee pot. Heck, we could even drop in our new sink!
Folks, you may never understand the intrinsic joy of having a place to set your stuff in the kitchen. Pretend you don't have one. Can ya? It sucks booty.
I'm also considering installing floor to ceiling/wall-to-wall bookshelves in our "library", placing one on a roller system to make a door. (Get it? a book shelf w/a hidden door. Granted, it'll just be a closet/storage room behind it and not a lab. Still Cool, right? Doubtful it'll happen) Ikea: do they have inexpensive bookshelves? I recall a reader who dropped a G there. (Get it? "G"?)
Annnnd we're gonna need to get the bathroom remodeled. Sooner, rather than later. After the J took her shower, I noticed a dripski coming from the kitchen ceiling. At least the ceiling is removed to get at the pipes, right? Ohhhh "J's Daaaaad".
The SW property, is nearly empty. Soon, I won't have to make any more trips to the old place. Except maybe to use the shower.
Danke for the well wishes peeps. (And offers to help) Once we get stuff situated, BELIEVE me I'll need to party.
By 5:30, I thought "I have the flu". Cold, achey, run-down... From a physical stand-point, I was cruising for the bruising.
Then I hit the "Y"...and felt like a million smackers, all over again. A little streeeetch, a little liiift, a little jogggg. 15 minutes in the Heet Teeb, and another 10 in the Sah-OOOna (Sweatin' out those toxins) and I felt much better. Creative even. Yessir or ma'am, The "Y" will be my bathroom for the next few weeks. I hope the trade off is that I will be in great shape. More on that later.
The Creative: I met w/the HD peeps regarding our kitchen. Turns out, new kitchens take 6-8 weeks just to get the cabinets DELIVERED, that's not to mention the addt'l 6 weeks to get a countertop! Well, let's just say that we aren't financially capable of dining out nightly...for 2 months.
So, I fig after we get the shit-rock installed, we can jerry rig a countertop with some 3' X 6' ply and a couple of 36" 2 X 4's. It ain't "Beautiful Kitchen" but at least we'll have a spot for the coffee pot. Heck, we could even drop in our new sink!
Folks, you may never understand the intrinsic joy of having a place to set your stuff in the kitchen. Pretend you don't have one. Can ya? It sucks booty.
I'm also considering installing floor to ceiling/wall-to-wall bookshelves in our "library", placing one on a roller system to make a door. (Get it? a book shelf w/a hidden door. Granted, it'll just be a closet/storage room behind it and not a lab. Still Cool, right? Doubtful it'll happen) Ikea: do they have inexpensive bookshelves? I recall a reader who dropped a G there. (Get it? "G"?)
Annnnd we're gonna need to get the bathroom remodeled. Sooner, rather than later. After the J took her shower, I noticed a dripski coming from the kitchen ceiling. At least the ceiling is removed to get at the pipes, right? Ohhhh "J's Daaaaad".
The SW property, is nearly empty. Soon, I won't have to make any more trips to the old place. Except maybe to use the shower.
Danke for the well wishes peeps. (And offers to help) Once we get stuff situated, BELIEVE me I'll need to party.
Monday, January 31, 2005
Tank...we're in.
Ehhhhuhhhhh ooooooooo......Y'know I woke up this morning with a full head of steam! I didn't feel discombobulate or anything. It's just too bad I actually had to step out of bed.
My lambs, I am getting old. My body is "move-sore" today, to an extreme that I can't even remember. (Oh, yes I do! I do remember! Last time I moved, when I said to J..."That's it, the next time we move we're hiring MOVERS!!!") On my hands, the cuts and splits in my skin look like I washed my hands with Dial and Broken glass. How are you feeling today?
Saturday I spent the day doing some "final prep" work around the new place. I stuffed the Saturn to the gills, and hauled a$$ out there early to try and get our bedroom finished by our final move in. There were a few set-backs: A Carpeting Snafu (The bolt May-Nards gave us was too small. It looked like we threw a napkin-sized carpet square down.) We didn't have a working shower, or bathroom for that matter, J had 2 shows that day. I ended up working with our Dad's until waaaay late finishing up some last minute shmutzy stuff . Our dad's kicked me out...and I still had to go home and pack up our foodstuff/plates. On the positive side? J's Dad got there early and had already stained the BR baseboards/molding. Sweet! Not sweet? Having to drive the UHaul truck back to Menards to return the carpet. Diesel's handle like shit. Did I mention the truck had a rag stuffed in the gas cap. Or rather, the rag was the gas cap?
Sunday. Up and at them. Our last day sleeping in at our "old house". Dad was kind enough to go and pick up the correct size carpet and bring it to the house early. We stuffed our cars, (Again) and waited for reinforcements. All told, we had a great audience: Big bro and his wife, Ry and his girl, Sssssteve, and Caliente Carlos. (Even with a sprained ankle, the Sergeant was still gung-ho) The move only took 3 hours from start to finish...(With a meeting of 5 ADD guys, it probably could have been shorter if we didn't keep distracting each other) but no one drank my payment booze.
Bonus? The couch and chair fit through the front door! (Although we had to contort so much that I'm thinking we should audition for Cirque du Soleil) Dad and I finished the BR carpet and got the bed put together in time to have an (almost) complete BR for our 1st night.
J was worried about the cat , so she brought him over early. The litter box is now living in our BR. On our new carpet.
1st night jitters? Some dude was perched across the street, and he looked like he was staring at our house. (Or as my dad would say, "casing the new residents to see if they have anything stealable". )
Turns out, he was waiting for his ride. And their two kids. All the same, I actually started thinking about purchasing a home-security system, or a gun...
Wait a minute. I don't need a gun.
Come over for a drink, my lovelies. I can't guarantee you'll have a place to sit down yet, but there is a lot of love there.
Back to get the plates and drop off the keys, and I am officially a full-time NE resident.
My lambs, I am getting old. My body is "move-sore" today, to an extreme that I can't even remember. (Oh, yes I do! I do remember! Last time I moved, when I said to J..."That's it, the next time we move we're hiring MOVERS!!!") On my hands, the cuts and splits in my skin look like I washed my hands with Dial and Broken glass. How are you feeling today?
Saturday I spent the day doing some "final prep" work around the new place. I stuffed the Saturn to the gills, and hauled a$$ out there early to try and get our bedroom finished by our final move in. There were a few set-backs: A Carpeting Snafu (The bolt May-Nards gave us was too small. It looked like we threw a napkin-sized carpet square down.) We didn't have a working shower, or bathroom for that matter, J had 2 shows that day. I ended up working with our Dad's until waaaay late finishing up some last minute shmutzy stuff . Our dad's kicked me out...and I still had to go home and pack up our foodstuff/plates. On the positive side? J's Dad got there early and had already stained the BR baseboards/molding. Sweet! Not sweet? Having to drive the UHaul truck back to Menards to return the carpet. Diesel's handle like shit. Did I mention the truck had a rag stuffed in the gas cap. Or rather, the rag was the gas cap?
Sunday. Up and at them. Our last day sleeping in at our "old house". Dad was kind enough to go and pick up the correct size carpet and bring it to the house early. We stuffed our cars, (Again) and waited for reinforcements. All told, we had a great audience: Big bro and his wife, Ry and his girl, Sssssteve, and Caliente Carlos. (Even with a sprained ankle, the Sergeant was still gung-ho) The move only took 3 hours from start to finish...(With a meeting of 5 ADD guys, it probably could have been shorter if we didn't keep distracting each other) but no one drank my payment booze.
Bonus? The couch and chair fit through the front door! (Although we had to contort so much that I'm thinking we should audition for Cirque du Soleil) Dad and I finished the BR carpet and got the bed put together in time to have an (almost) complete BR for our 1st night.
J was worried about the cat , so she brought him over early. The litter box is now living in our BR. On our new carpet.
1st night jitters? Some dude was perched across the street, and he looked like he was staring at our house. (Or as my dad would say, "casing the new residents to see if they have anything stealable". )
Turns out, he was waiting for his ride. And their two kids. All the same, I actually started thinking about purchasing a home-security system, or a gun...
Wait a minute. I don't need a gun.
Come over for a drink, my lovelies. I can't guarantee you'll have a place to sit down yet, but there is a lot of love there.
Back to get the plates and drop off the keys, and I am officially a full-time NE resident.
Friday, January 28, 2005
You're weird
I've skipped one cup of coffee in the am for a cup of Green Tea. I hear it's good for you (anti-oxidents, cancer-fighter, blah) but, what they don't tell you is that it tastes like ass. I have a pretty strong stomach for eating food that most folks think is pretty gross. (plain water-packed tuna out of the can, plain baked potatoes...fat-free muffins from Perkins. Not muffins really. More like hand grenades infused with blueberries.)
The green tea makes my tummy roll. Liberal doses of honey seem to alleviate the problem, but man...just...yuck.
Moment of snark:
I've been getting a lot of tips on "home repair" since moving in, as well as the questions that typically come with. (What color are you painting the kitchen, what type of wood/stain are you using...etc) The last one (I thought) was pretty funny:
Co-worker: "So what type of counter-top are you getting?"
Me: "Um, I'm thinking of just making a shallow box to run the length of the counter, and filling it with sand. I just hope the cat doesn't mistake it for a litter box."
CW: (Blinks several times, then cocks head.)
Me: "Of course that's not too bad an idea either. I could always fill it with the clumping cat litter. That way if I spill, it just a quick 'scoop, sift, toss'!"
Funny to me anyway.
I called "Inherit the Wind" "Inherit the Ferret". I don't know why that makes laugh. The same ideology that thinks the audition for "She Stoops to Conquer" would be funnier if it read "She Stoops to Poop" or "Never the Sinner" is "Never the TV Dinner". I could go on and on and on...
Hee. It's Friday. And I move in 2 days. Fingers crossed kittens.
The green tea makes my tummy roll. Liberal doses of honey seem to alleviate the problem, but man...just...yuck.
Moment of snark:
I've been getting a lot of tips on "home repair" since moving in, as well as the questions that typically come with. (What color are you painting the kitchen, what type of wood/stain are you using...etc) The last one (I thought) was pretty funny:
Co-worker: "So what type of counter-top are you getting?"
Me: "Um, I'm thinking of just making a shallow box to run the length of the counter, and filling it with sand. I just hope the cat doesn't mistake it for a litter box."
CW: (Blinks several times, then cocks head.)
Me: "Of course that's not too bad an idea either. I could always fill it with the clumping cat litter. That way if I spill, it just a quick 'scoop, sift, toss'!"
Funny to me anyway.
I called "Inherit the Wind" "Inherit the Ferret". I don't know why that makes laugh. The same ideology that thinks the audition for "She Stoops to Conquer" would be funnier if it read "She Stoops to Poop" or "Never the Sinner" is "Never the TV Dinner". I could go on and on and on...
Hee. It's Friday. And I move in 2 days. Fingers crossed kittens.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
FI-nahlly
I hit Best Buy last night. Knocked that fucker out cold.
I kid...I picked up Return of the King and Spidey 2 w/some gift cards I'd received for X-mas. My original intent was to get a new Hands-Free cordless phone for the house since our old one died. Btw, I didn't think I'd be wanting one, but they are really super handy. Especially if you wind up busy 'round the house like we be. Feel free to check one out at:
http://home-electronics.net/Products/ViewDetail/0,7333,SI5-CNUS-LNUE-LI25-CI200826-PI310538-PGMTAwMDAw-LCUE-PC100817,00.html
Anyway, nada. BB doesn't carry them anymore. Sooooo, it was off to the DVD's to find the flicks I've wanted for a bit. Now tonight, do I go home and watch'em? Or go and move more schmutz to the new house? WW(the J)D??? She'd haul more shit over. Lot's of steam in that gal. Sooo, the house wins. House...always seems to win. (sighs) 3 days and counting.
I'm a bit bored at the Callboard. Nothing new and exciting has surfaced, and to be honest that fact that word association has taken over makes me tired. Oh well...I have a me-me to look forward to tomorrow.
I had a quality night last night. Over dinner at Don Pab's, A very close friend of mine professed his love for his new girl and he caaasually starts asking me about engagement rings. 'Kay. Waitress...'nother round 'O margies over here.
J forgot to tape AI last night. So I did it for her. Points to me! The reward was wonderful. And I didn't get to bed until 2. Fug. Nevermind. I'm tired as hell today. And I haven't been to the Gym in over a week, or 'Fu in 3 weeks. I feel a little rusty, and a little puffy. I should prioritize...but it's frickin tough for us random ramblers. Maybe I can read a little more of Will Durant's "Book of Modern Philosophy". That shite will put you to bed kids...let me tell you.
I took NyQuil...and the cat grew bigger.
I kid...I picked up Return of the King and Spidey 2 w/some gift cards I'd received for X-mas. My original intent was to get a new Hands-Free cordless phone for the house since our old one died. Btw, I didn't think I'd be wanting one, but they are really super handy. Especially if you wind up busy 'round the house like we be. Feel free to check one out at:
http://home-electronics.net/Products/ViewDetail/0,7333,SI5-CNUS-LNUE-LI25-CI200826-PI310538-PGMTAwMDAw-LCUE-PC100817,00.html
Anyway, nada. BB doesn't carry them anymore. Sooooo, it was off to the DVD's to find the flicks I've wanted for a bit. Now tonight, do I go home and watch'em? Or go and move more schmutz to the new house? WW(the J)D??? She'd haul more shit over. Lot's of steam in that gal. Sooo, the house wins. House...always seems to win. (sighs) 3 days and counting.
I'm a bit bored at the Callboard. Nothing new and exciting has surfaced, and to be honest that fact that word association has taken over makes me tired. Oh well...I have a me-me to look forward to tomorrow.
I had a quality night last night. Over dinner at Don Pab's, A very close friend of mine professed his love for his new girl and he caaasually starts asking me about engagement rings. 'Kay. Waitress...'nother round 'O margies over here.
J forgot to tape AI last night. So I did it for her. Points to me! The reward was wonderful. And I didn't get to bed until 2. Fug. Nevermind. I'm tired as hell today. And I haven't been to the Gym in over a week, or 'Fu in 3 weeks. I feel a little rusty, and a little puffy. I should prioritize...but it's frickin tough for us random ramblers. Maybe I can read a little more of Will Durant's "Book of Modern Philosophy". That shite will put you to bed kids...let me tell you.
I took NyQuil...and the cat grew bigger.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Ow
Full moon. 'Splains a lot of my recent cloddish behavior and mood. I never gave much creedence to the whole "full moon" behaviorism (Despite hearing it from my father, the cop, all the time)until I started working in call centers. Calls get wackier as a full moon approaches.
How it fucks me over? Let's see:
1)Subway yestiddy: Nearly biffed going in to get my sammich. Nearly biffed on the way out on the same damn patch of ice. Slip on the ice once, shame on me. Slip on the same patch twice? I'm a re-re.
2) I had to take advantage of the beautiful weather we've been having so I went fer a jog last night. Bad idea. It was frickin slick. Nearly biffed 20 or 30 times, and now my body is shock-sore. (Not, workout sore, but sore due to continually having to avoid crashing to the pavement.)
3) J get's home and sez that she forgot to tape A.Idol last night. She never forgets to tape her dreck. I tell her life will undoubtedly go on, and to have some wine.
4) Broke the frickin wine glass taking it out of the cabinet. Shards were everywhere, and I hate broken glass (This was born from when I broke an overhead light fixture when I was practicing Kendo. Gave me a narsty scar.)I hate it like Selig. That was for Hemp.
5) We were both pretty randy. And I mean randy! The double entendres were Fuh-LYING! What did we do about THAT? Passed out. Cold.
6) This morning, I'm tossing out the trash and forget that the broken glass is in there. I have a delicious gouge in my palm now. And it is still...bleeding.
Quick Hits:
-I am "a-political". I just think that people that get so mad that they insult someone else due to their political views is seriously messed up. Seriously. Adverb.
-We won our Life Insurance Industry awards. I get to keep my job for another year. 12 more months of accountability. Yee-haw.
-The same awards mean we will get bonuses in March. If it is the same as last year? I will be able to pay for a significant chunk of my new kithcen.
-I'm afraid it'll wind being a "National Lampoon" bonus. Y'know? Jelly or something crappy.
-The good folks at H.D. Gave us a much lower quote for our new cabinets. To the tune of $1000 less. Thank-fucking-GOD!!!! I hate being po' sometimes.
- Out of every 10 jokes I try out, 8 3/8's are really not funny. They wind up seeming like I "try too hard". Today's joke to my boss: (After treating her to a coffee in celebration of said Industry Awards) "Morning K--. Here's your Venti Ass Mocha." Apparently not funny.
-Oddly enough, my penchant for giving nicknames did not get me fired. I did call the Ass't Director of Life Services (A big dog, for the uninitiated) "Rooty-Frooty Rick Beau-Tooty" after the delicious IHOP pancake mess. He thought that was pretty funny...even though he didn't "get it". In case you're wondering? His last name sounds similar to the Rooty-Tooty Fresh N Fruit- Nevermind.
How it fucks me over? Let's see:
1)Subway yestiddy: Nearly biffed going in to get my sammich. Nearly biffed on the way out on the same damn patch of ice. Slip on the ice once, shame on me. Slip on the same patch twice? I'm a re-re.
2) I had to take advantage of the beautiful weather we've been having so I went fer a jog last night. Bad idea. It was frickin slick. Nearly biffed 20 or 30 times, and now my body is shock-sore. (Not, workout sore, but sore due to continually having to avoid crashing to the pavement.)
3) J get's home and sez that she forgot to tape A.Idol last night. She never forgets to tape her dreck. I tell her life will undoubtedly go on, and to have some wine.
4) Broke the frickin wine glass taking it out of the cabinet. Shards were everywhere, and I hate broken glass (This was born from when I broke an overhead light fixture when I was practicing Kendo. Gave me a narsty scar.)I hate it like Selig. That was for Hemp.
5) We were both pretty randy. And I mean randy! The double entendres were Fuh-LYING! What did we do about THAT? Passed out. Cold.
6) This morning, I'm tossing out the trash and forget that the broken glass is in there. I have a delicious gouge in my palm now. And it is still...bleeding.
Quick Hits:
-I am "a-political". I just think that people that get so mad that they insult someone else due to their political views is seriously messed up. Seriously. Adverb.
-We won our Life Insurance Industry awards. I get to keep my job for another year. 12 more months of accountability. Yee-haw.
-The same awards mean we will get bonuses in March. If it is the same as last year? I will be able to pay for a significant chunk of my new kithcen.
-I'm afraid it'll wind being a "National Lampoon" bonus. Y'know? Jelly or something crappy.
-The good folks at H.D. Gave us a much lower quote for our new cabinets. To the tune of $1000 less. Thank-fucking-GOD!!!! I hate being po' sometimes.
- Out of every 10 jokes I try out, 8 3/8's are really not funny. They wind up seeming like I "try too hard". Today's joke to my boss: (After treating her to a coffee in celebration of said Industry Awards) "Morning K--. Here's your Venti Ass Mocha." Apparently not funny.
-Oddly enough, my penchant for giving nicknames did not get me fired. I did call the Ass't Director of Life Services (A big dog, for the uninitiated) "Rooty-Frooty Rick Beau-Tooty" after the delicious IHOP pancake mess. He thought that was pretty funny...even though he didn't "get it". In case you're wondering? His last name sounds similar to the Rooty-Tooty Fresh N Fruit- Nevermind.
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Darndest Things
Politically minded folk say the darndest things. You want to read 2 blogs that lean lefty/righty?
The conservative view: (Fair warning, my liberal co-horts. Some of the posts may make your blud-boil. Read some of the archived 'Blogs, especially around the election.)
http://hempler.com/wordpress/
This site, compliments of my buddy Matt: (He hates Bush, btw. Fair warning to the conservatives out there. "Eat a bowl of Fuck" was his response to someones "anonymous" reply on his recent tirade on the Bush Admin. )
smelltheglover.blogspot.com
Two more opinions. My belief is that if you lean too far to one side, you are in danger of falling over. Write a letter or stop being so friggin smug. OR, eat a bowl of fuck. Is that with or without milk?
Quick Hits:
Anyone remember when the store "Wilsons" was called "Berman Buckskins"? Just checking. Buckskins..btw.
I had an "ex" that thought I was checking out every girl that walked past us at Northtown Mall. Made my life hell. I had to walk through the mall, staring at my feet once to prove a point. It was Pointless.
Temps in MN are now reaching the mid-thirties. Nearly a 60 degree turnaround from last weeks below 0 windchills. Just..weird.
Shakeys Pizza, Gatti's Pizza, and Farrell's Ice Cream Parlor were 3 hang-outs of mine as a child. Farrells had Barbershop Quartet servers, complete with striped blazers and straw hats. It's a 50's Grill now. If that is still there. Gatti's is a Godfathers, and Shakeys went to Ponderosa, to Key's Cafe, to...gone. Yup, memory is still there.
Don Rickles and Bob Newhart were on Leno last night to reflect on Carson. I love comedians stories, but I didn't think that the audience was really digging on them so much. (Mostly polite laughs)
I auditioned for a snowmobile commercial today. Didn't get it, for reasons previously posted. I had to make-believe I was peeing in the snow. Yup.
I received a complimentary email last night. It made my day.
5 days to the big move...beware.
The conservative view: (Fair warning, my liberal co-horts. Some of the posts may make your blud-boil. Read some of the archived 'Blogs, especially around the election.)
http://hempler.com/wordpress/
This site, compliments of my buddy Matt: (He hates Bush, btw. Fair warning to the conservatives out there. "Eat a bowl of Fuck" was his response to someones "anonymous" reply on his recent tirade on the Bush Admin. )
smelltheglover.blogspot.com
Two more opinions. My belief is that if you lean too far to one side, you are in danger of falling over. Write a letter or stop being so friggin smug. OR, eat a bowl of fuck. Is that with or without milk?
Quick Hits:
Anyone remember when the store "Wilsons" was called "Berman Buckskins"? Just checking. Buckskins..btw.
I had an "ex" that thought I was checking out every girl that walked past us at Northtown Mall. Made my life hell. I had to walk through the mall, staring at my feet once to prove a point. It was Pointless.
Temps in MN are now reaching the mid-thirties. Nearly a 60 degree turnaround from last weeks below 0 windchills. Just..weird.
Shakeys Pizza, Gatti's Pizza, and Farrell's Ice Cream Parlor were 3 hang-outs of mine as a child. Farrells had Barbershop Quartet servers, complete with striped blazers and straw hats. It's a 50's Grill now. If that is still there. Gatti's is a Godfathers, and Shakeys went to Ponderosa, to Key's Cafe, to...gone. Yup, memory is still there.
Don Rickles and Bob Newhart were on Leno last night to reflect on Carson. I love comedians stories, but I didn't think that the audience was really digging on them so much. (Mostly polite laughs)
I auditioned for a snowmobile commercial today. Didn't get it, for reasons previously posted. I had to make-believe I was peeing in the snow. Yup.
I received a complimentary email last night. It made my day.
5 days to the big move...beware.
Monday, January 24, 2005
Well now.
huh...A Quiz from the Geef's Weef's LiveJournal:
You are a DGT--Dark Gross Traditional. This makes you a Prankster.
Comedy for you is when a person is kept in the most discomfort for the longest period of time. This means practical jokes, pranks, and sticking a hair up a sleeping person's nose so he slaps himself awake. You are probably locked in some terrifying practical joke one-ups-manship with a like- minded soul. You are also probably a dude. Your Active humor score of 9/10 means you are a comic house on fire. You are Def Comedy Jam (for the first five minutes, before it becomes repetitive and degrading). You are a library of witty rejoinders, in-jokes, ad-libs and meatballs. Yeah, I said meatballs. They're underrated.
The trick for you is to ease yourself into a situation, since you have the capacity to dominate. If you're socially well-adjusted, you're awesome. If you're kind of nervous and twitchy like Daniel Radcliff in the Prisoner of Azkaban special features, then there can be trouble.
Sure beats the Meyers Briggs Type Indicator.
It snowed a lot. I shovelled our driveway 3.5 times over 2 days. This, foreign readers, is why MN can suck sweaty nads.
If it didn't sound so euphemistic, I would say "my ass hurts". It does, but you try pushing snow drifts 3.5 x's over 2 days, using your legs for support. I would say I need a snowblower, but in 6 days...what's the point? (We'll have garage accessed by an alley folks.)
Apparently, I need to see "Sideways". It's playing at the "Heights" theatre, right down the street from my new home. Coooool.
To peeps who read this and can help me move..thanks guys. The 250lb weight restriction was brought about by my father. He's a big man, who, when he sat on the rope swing caused the branch to...bow. Dangersously low.
You are a DGT--Dark Gross Traditional. This makes you a Prankster.
Comedy for you is when a person is kept in the most discomfort for the longest period of time. This means practical jokes, pranks, and sticking a hair up a sleeping person's nose so he slaps himself awake. You are probably locked in some terrifying practical joke one-ups-manship with a like- minded soul. You are also probably a dude. Your Active humor score of 9/10 means you are a comic house on fire. You are Def Comedy Jam (for the first five minutes, before it becomes repetitive and degrading). You are a library of witty rejoinders, in-jokes, ad-libs and meatballs. Yeah, I said meatballs. They're underrated.
The trick for you is to ease yourself into a situation, since you have the capacity to dominate. If you're socially well-adjusted, you're awesome. If you're kind of nervous and twitchy like Daniel Radcliff in the Prisoner of Azkaban special features, then there can be trouble.
Sure beats the Meyers Briggs Type Indicator.
It snowed a lot. I shovelled our driveway 3.5 times over 2 days. This, foreign readers, is why MN can suck sweaty nads.
If it didn't sound so euphemistic, I would say "my ass hurts". It does, but you try pushing snow drifts 3.5 x's over 2 days, using your legs for support. I would say I need a snowblower, but in 6 days...what's the point? (We'll have garage accessed by an alley folks.)
Apparently, I need to see "Sideways". It's playing at the "Heights" theatre, right down the street from my new home. Coooool.
To peeps who read this and can help me move..thanks guys. The 250lb weight restriction was brought about by my father. He's a big man, who, when he sat on the rope swing caused the branch to...bow. Dangersously low.
Sunday, January 23, 2005
A tribute...(And quick hits)
Closed Henry. Bye Bye "Hank". I'll miss some of the peeps who were in the show. I happened to go to 0 parties that were held, in lieu of sick fiancee's, and house maladies. To re-cap:
This weekend, The Geef and his Weef, El Cadwicks, Mother the 2nd all attended. I sincerely hoped that they enjoyed the prod, at the very least I hope they found me less than offensive. I'm a backtor. We're a sensitive lot. (This just in: Mom the 2nd said I was enjoyable, along w/the TeenF, and RPK. Teen was veddy sick btw.)
Next weekend. The Move. Although those who read this are never under ANY obligation...help would be, how do you say??? Enjoyable.
I hope that "Inherit" goes well, and I'm a little bummed I've missed it.
A quick tribute. Even though I have other Sheisse running through Mein Kopf.
Johnny Carson passed on. If it's your thing: light a candle, smoke a cig (Like he did during his commercial breaks in the 60's...or quaff a martini.) and smile.
I don't know of many people who watched his show that didn't think it wasn't funny. (Y'know? Like him or not, folks have never said that they've hated J.C.)
P's Comic Influences... (From a comedy standpoint)
Brit Coms (Eastenders, The Young Ones, Month Python, Fawlty Towers, Wooster and Jeeves, Black Adder...I was a little out of touch when "Ab Fab" came out...but I bet I'd of love it too!)
Redd Foxx, Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, Ernie Kovacs, Nichols and May, Robin Williams, Jonathon Winters, Louie Anderson, early Howie Mandel, "Uncle Lar" , Eddie Izzard, Bill Cosby (Strange...when Redd, Richard, and Eddie are in the same breath) Rodney Dangerfield, Albert Brooks, Danny Kaye, Van Johnson, Ari Hoptmannnn...
So many. I've liked all of them immensely at some point or rather. I've quoted theirschtick, so I could be funny too. It's just kind of a bummer when one of the good ones goes away. Heres proof once again: If God...that great big black lesbian in the sky, truly exists...they have a sense of humor.
Sleep tight. The peeps that read this, are (personally) some of the funniest guys I know.
This weekend, The Geef and his Weef, El Cadwicks, Mother the 2nd all attended. I sincerely hoped that they enjoyed the prod, at the very least I hope they found me less than offensive. I'm a backtor. We're a sensitive lot. (This just in: Mom the 2nd said I was enjoyable, along w/the TeenF, and RPK. Teen was veddy sick btw.)
Next weekend. The Move. Although those who read this are never under ANY obligation...help would be, how do you say??? Enjoyable.
I hope that "Inherit" goes well, and I'm a little bummed I've missed it.
A quick tribute. Even though I have other Sheisse running through Mein Kopf.
Johnny Carson passed on. If it's your thing: light a candle, smoke a cig (Like he did during his commercial breaks in the 60's...or quaff a martini.) and smile.
I don't know of many people who watched his show that didn't think it wasn't funny. (Y'know? Like him or not, folks have never said that they've hated J.C.)
P's Comic Influences... (From a comedy standpoint)
Brit Coms (Eastenders, The Young Ones, Month Python, Fawlty Towers, Wooster and Jeeves, Black Adder...I was a little out of touch when "Ab Fab" came out...but I bet I'd of love it too!)
Redd Foxx, Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, Ernie Kovacs, Nichols and May, Robin Williams, Jonathon Winters, Louie Anderson, early Howie Mandel, "Uncle Lar" , Eddie Izzard, Bill Cosby (Strange...when Redd, Richard, and Eddie are in the same breath) Rodney Dangerfield, Albert Brooks, Danny Kaye, Van Johnson, Ari Hoptmannnn...
So many. I've liked all of them immensely at some point or rather. I've quoted theirschtick, so I could be funny too. It's just kind of a bummer when one of the good ones goes away. Heres proof once again: If God...that great big black lesbian in the sky, truly exists...they have a sense of humor.
Sleep tight. The peeps that read this, are (personally) some of the funniest guys I know.
Friday, January 21, 2005
White OUT!!!
Between the last week of January in 2004 and the 1st 2 weeks of February, we received enough snowfall to place us at the average. I'm not sayin'...I'm just sayin. (And those hoo-doo masters, the meteorologists, are "forecasting" 9 inches. Wunderbar. There goes our audience for tonight. Except 1. More on that later.)
Quick Hits:
1) I love my country and what it stands for. I wholeheartedly believe in the foundations that our great nation was founded on. I'm a boy scout and consider myself a little patriotic. That being said, I'm also getting a little tired of listening to people bitch and whine. Stop it. I didn't want him back all that much either. Do something if it means so much to you. The end. OH, that being said:
2)To the religuous leaders who claim Bush in office is a "moral victory" for America. 'Scuse? Last time I checked, there was a separation of church AND state. Get off your high horse. Abortion and Same-Sex marriage didn't clinch it. Fear did. And we're not too afraid of you. Self-Righteous Dick Heads. Can't even get their messages straight. I've identified a peeve today, and thy name is smugness.
3) Had an audition at NUTS today. IA state lotto commercial, where a "princess" kisses the "Frog". I didn't know what to wear, so I just dressed nicely- as did the gal who read w/me. (Who, btw is gonna see the show tonight. In-teresting networking, n'est pas?) ANYWAY, some gal showed up in an actual "princess" costume. Yeah. I don't know how to take that, but...yeah. Yeah.
4) Wanting to take advantage of the weather, I went for a run late last night. Today, oddly enough, I feel fatter. Shit's just, you know, fitting tighter today. If the weather lets up at all, I'm gonna try to sneak into the club before Henry tonight.
5) We move on Sunday, January 30th. I'm excited as all toss, but I'm gonna need to send out the "help me move please" email and bribe.
6) For some weird reason, I remembered that the store "Wilsons" used to be called "Berman Buckskins"
7) Kissing is so cool. The world would be a better place if everyone would just, kiss more.
8) Herpes would probably be more prevalent.
9) A gal in my cast told me that she "decided that I was cute." ??? Damn. So, like, there was no immediate judgement. She went home, did some research, weighed the pro's and con's with her boyfriend, and said "Okay...he's cute."
I really am not sure how to take that. This is a true testament to the fact that I never get complimented on my looks. Evah. I also never receive specific compliments about things. I have a feeling when folks come and see "Hank 5", they'll say "Wow! You really are a good Backtor!" Back Actor. Get it?
Anyway...take a second to compliment someone regarding there appearance. Make someones day.
Expect 9 inches? I WISH I could say that to a....HEY OHHHH!!!!
Quick Hits:
1) I love my country and what it stands for. I wholeheartedly believe in the foundations that our great nation was founded on. I'm a boy scout and consider myself a little patriotic. That being said, I'm also getting a little tired of listening to people bitch and whine. Stop it. I didn't want him back all that much either. Do something if it means so much to you. The end. OH, that being said:
2)To the religuous leaders who claim Bush in office is a "moral victory" for America. 'Scuse? Last time I checked, there was a separation of church AND state. Get off your high horse. Abortion and Same-Sex marriage didn't clinch it. Fear did. And we're not too afraid of you. Self-Righteous Dick Heads. Can't even get their messages straight. I've identified a peeve today, and thy name is smugness.
3) Had an audition at NUTS today. IA state lotto commercial, where a "princess" kisses the "Frog". I didn't know what to wear, so I just dressed nicely- as did the gal who read w/me. (Who, btw is gonna see the show tonight. In-teresting networking, n'est pas?) ANYWAY, some gal showed up in an actual "princess" costume. Yeah. I don't know how to take that, but...yeah. Yeah.
4) Wanting to take advantage of the weather, I went for a run late last night. Today, oddly enough, I feel fatter. Shit's just, you know, fitting tighter today. If the weather lets up at all, I'm gonna try to sneak into the club before Henry tonight.
5) We move on Sunday, January 30th. I'm excited as all toss, but I'm gonna need to send out the "help me move please" email and bribe.
6) For some weird reason, I remembered that the store "Wilsons" used to be called "Berman Buckskins"
7) Kissing is so cool. The world would be a better place if everyone would just, kiss more.
8) Herpes would probably be more prevalent.
9) A gal in my cast told me that she "decided that I was cute." ??? Damn. So, like, there was no immediate judgement. She went home, did some research, weighed the pro's and con's with her boyfriend, and said "Okay...he's cute."
I really am not sure how to take that. This is a true testament to the fact that I never get complimented on my looks. Evah. I also never receive specific compliments about things. I have a feeling when folks come and see "Hank 5", they'll say "Wow! You really are a good Backtor!" Back Actor. Get it?
Anyway...take a second to compliment someone regarding there appearance. Make someones day.
Expect 9 inches? I WISH I could say that to a....HEY OHHHH!!!!
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Sad..but true
Quick Hits:
So I've cut down on my home-drinking (Too busy, too tired), fast-food (My bitches Chipotle and Subway) and I've 86'ed the snacks I keep here at work in my snack drawer. (Baked Lays, Fat-Free Pretzels, Trail Mix) and you know what...it's kept my weight down this winter. That's right, the winter lbs. have remained a non-issh. And when I do get time to hit the gym, the vascularity really pops out. (That delightful vein which runs along my brachialis muscle.) I still just look out of shape. Pooooochy...
It saddens me that 86'ing the 2 glasses of wine nightly is helping keep off the cookie dough ass. I'll miss our nightly trysts, Pinot. Oh Yes....
It probably didn't help me last night when I hit the Market and had 3. More on that later.
I've been dreaming about our kitchen. 2 nights in a row. Scary.
If you tag "boy" on the end of a sarcastic nick-name...it's hard for your opponent to "come-back". This dude in my cast (according to his school chum) likes wearing mascara. So I call him "Revlon-Boy". This snarky kid had nothin'! Yogurt Boy, Bowling Boy, Wet Boy, Porkchop Boy...Or Mr.Chicken Fingers... try it.
J and I were up til 1:30 "talking". Good stuff was aired out. But fuck-all if I'm not a tired mo-fo today.
Some lady posted a pic of her daughter next to the sign-up sheet for girl scout cookies. It's a pretty forced gesture by my reckoning. (Look at my daughter. She's so cute. BUY THE FUCKING COOKIES!!!) I thought about putting a post-it next to the picture that says "What flavor is she?" Tasteless, yes. But fun.
And does anyone else miss the name "Samoa's"? They're Caramel Deelights now, but some things just shouldn't change. "Somoan's: Do the humpty-hump...ah, do the humpty-hump."
I've the beginnings of a cold. My nose is running faster than an Olympic Sprinter on a BALCO binge. Got home from work ystdy w/every intention of hitting the Gym, The New House, and 'Fu. Nope. I passed out...and woke up even sicker. And did I do the right thing or what? That's right, I hit Market for my bi-annual visit. (Sally asked, P obeys.) And guess who didn't show? Sally. (sigh) I got there around 9, and left round 11. So take that boys. Start your drinking early with P!!!! I was exhausted...but it was good seeing the boys. Jabas, Kai-Sayer, Geef, Pust, and Carlton. I really should have asked the Geef how his Weef was doing. Sorry Geef.
So I've cut down on my home-drinking (Too busy, too tired), fast-food (My bitches Chipotle and Subway) and I've 86'ed the snacks I keep here at work in my snack drawer. (Baked Lays, Fat-Free Pretzels, Trail Mix) and you know what...it's kept my weight down this winter. That's right, the winter lbs. have remained a non-issh. And when I do get time to hit the gym, the vascularity really pops out. (That delightful vein which runs along my brachialis muscle.) I still just look out of shape. Pooooochy...
It saddens me that 86'ing the 2 glasses of wine nightly is helping keep off the cookie dough ass. I'll miss our nightly trysts, Pinot. Oh Yes....
It probably didn't help me last night when I hit the Market and had 3. More on that later.
I've been dreaming about our kitchen. 2 nights in a row. Scary.
If you tag "boy" on the end of a sarcastic nick-name...it's hard for your opponent to "come-back". This dude in my cast (according to his school chum) likes wearing mascara. So I call him "Revlon-Boy". This snarky kid had nothin'! Yogurt Boy, Bowling Boy, Wet Boy, Porkchop Boy...Or Mr.Chicken Fingers... try it.
J and I were up til 1:30 "talking". Good stuff was aired out. But fuck-all if I'm not a tired mo-fo today.
Some lady posted a pic of her daughter next to the sign-up sheet for girl scout cookies. It's a pretty forced gesture by my reckoning. (Look at my daughter. She's so cute. BUY THE FUCKING COOKIES!!!) I thought about putting a post-it next to the picture that says "What flavor is she?" Tasteless, yes. But fun.
And does anyone else miss the name "Samoa's"? They're Caramel Deelights now, but some things just shouldn't change. "Somoan's: Do the humpty-hump...ah, do the humpty-hump."
I've the beginnings of a cold. My nose is running faster than an Olympic Sprinter on a BALCO binge. Got home from work ystdy w/every intention of hitting the Gym, The New House, and 'Fu. Nope. I passed out...and woke up even sicker. And did I do the right thing or what? That's right, I hit Market for my bi-annual visit. (Sally asked, P obeys.) And guess who didn't show? Sally. (sigh) I got there around 9, and left round 11. So take that boys. Start your drinking early with P!!!! I was exhausted...but it was good seeing the boys. Jabas, Kai-Sayer, Geef, Pust, and Carlton. I really should have asked the Geef how his Weef was doing. Sorry Geef.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Well now...
I got lost on the way home from my Old Log audition. That area...well it's just kinda fucked up. Bays, Inlets, the shire. And on a gloomy day that area had me bass ackwards. The audition went well, or I should say as well as I could do. The dude I read for was, kinda, like me, albeit 4 or 5 years ago. I'm fairly certain I didn't get the giglet, but hey...no worries. I think I passed an ex whilst driving away which was weird ju-ju: The gig wasn't meant to be.
Speaking of ex geefs- Got an email from the Bear. (geef circa 1996 to 1997) Welcome back to town Bear. Our relationship, gentle readers, is the reason I fear getting burned to death. I'll leave that story for another time, but damn...it was funny. Her family is also the reason (I humbly feel) I get along well with lesbians. Notice how I didn't say I "play" well with the leebs. I heck, I get along well with almost everybody. I'm an equal-opportunity get-alonger-wither...person. Type.
(I think I get along with them. Whatever. Most folks will wind up talking smack 'bout my crazy ass when I'm not around anyway. See chapter 11: "Paranoid Ex-Fat Kids, Their Nipples, and Smack-talkers". )
Quick Hit:
This is on fucked up state in our union. It was 15 below 3 days ago. Last night, the blowing wind was almost...warm? Not "Bahamanian" by any stretch, but weird to be outside and not freeze balls. I actually started to sweat whilst shovelling.
QH #2: American Idol premiered last night. I hate the show, but I'll admit...I do like watching the 1st 2 weeks worth of auditions. It scares and saddens me a bit to think folks to be that delusional. I mean, some of them actually take it sooo seriously and treat it like the "be all end all" of their lives. And it makes me laugh so goddamn hard to watch it. Granted, as a performer auditioning/getting denied is a way of life, so I find the reactions from contestants a little bit maudlin. Although, if I had a director tell me "That was simply AWFUL. Acting lessons won't help you P...off you go." I'd feel my complexes grow.
I think we should write a play on those shitty auditions. Whaddya think, Geef? (The director "Geef") Do you have enough shitty audition stories to make a funny bastardization of "A Chorus Line"?) It would be golden.
Speaking of ex geefs- Got an email from the Bear. (geef circa 1996 to 1997) Welcome back to town Bear. Our relationship, gentle readers, is the reason I fear getting burned to death. I'll leave that story for another time, but damn...it was funny. Her family is also the reason (I humbly feel) I get along well with lesbians. Notice how I didn't say I "play" well with the leebs. I heck, I get along well with almost everybody. I'm an equal-opportunity get-alonger-wither...person. Type.
(I think I get along with them. Whatever. Most folks will wind up talking smack 'bout my crazy ass when I'm not around anyway. See chapter 11: "Paranoid Ex-Fat Kids, Their Nipples, and Smack-talkers". )
Quick Hit:
This is on fucked up state in our union. It was 15 below 3 days ago. Last night, the blowing wind was almost...warm? Not "Bahamanian" by any stretch, but weird to be outside and not freeze balls. I actually started to sweat whilst shovelling.
QH #2: American Idol premiered last night. I hate the show, but I'll admit...I do like watching the 1st 2 weeks worth of auditions. It scares and saddens me a bit to think folks to be that delusional. I mean, some of them actually take it sooo seriously and treat it like the "be all end all" of their lives. And it makes me laugh so goddamn hard to watch it. Granted, as a performer auditioning/getting denied is a way of life, so I find the reactions from contestants a little bit maudlin. Although, if I had a director tell me "That was simply AWFUL. Acting lessons won't help you P...off you go." I'd feel my complexes grow.
I think we should write a play on those shitty auditions. Whaddya think, Geef? (The director "Geef") Do you have enough shitty audition stories to make a funny bastardization of "A Chorus Line"?) It would be golden.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Tuesday Quick Hits
Long weekend, busy day today. Must dash.
1) After a week 1/2 of double-digit below zero temps and wind chills, 0 degrees can seem
positively balmy. I know Chicago is cold. I know Montana and No Dak both brag in
regards to how cold it gets. MN, can get fucking cold. Your boogers will freeze.
2) I've seen a couple of these "Kuik-E-Mart" convenience stores pop up 'round town. WTF?
Who are they trying to kid, man? Ohhhh, right right right. Copyright infringement
of my beloved Simpsons. My question is, who's working behind the counter, Apoo?
(Get it? Name change to prevent any copyright infr...nevermind)
3) Our kitchy lighting is almost rigged. We've 86'ed the idea of sheetrocking the up-
stairs BR. (Too much work, too little time) A layer o' Kilz, and then we can paint.
The color? "Neverwhere"...that's for all of my Gaiman fans. (Okay, it's "Ever-
more", but the gist was for all my Gaiman fans. Do I have any Gaiman fans? Is it
embarrassing to be named "Gay-Man"? What Kind of Superhero are you?)
4) J and I spent a part of the weekend being snippy. House stuff. It happens.
5) I 86'ed two parties this weekend in lieu of getting up ass-crack early to work on said
house. Some dorks in my cast actually left a prank call on my cell phone. Do people
actually prank anymore? Dirty messages? Kids today, I tell ya.
6) Our biggest house for Henry last weekend was 14. The Strib ran an erroneous calendar
entry claiming that our show closed last weekend. Nice. We still have one weekend
left kids. Is this what is stealing our thunder?:
http://pinwheelpictures.com/pointbreak/
7) Once again I try a jambalaya dish (Cheesecake Factory). It was delish, but the meta-
bolism kept me up half the night sweating. And I dreamt of recessed lighting.
I'm just not used to the rich food. So, the bags under my eyes will make me
look soooooo pretty for my Old Log Audition. Whatever. Pete'll get it anyway.
I read a description of the show, and it's waaay more his type o' gig. I look like
Robin Williams after a 6 day coke binge.
8) If you listend to WLTE long enough, the wuss rock songs all sort of blend together.
Seriously. In 7 hours, they played 3 Styx, 2 Journey's, and 4 Chicagoes. It remind-
ed me of the shit they would play during the "Snowball Slow Skate" at our local
roller rink "Skate Land". I won't even begin to bore you with my fat-kid on skates
stories.
I'm tired.
1) After a week 1/2 of double-digit below zero temps and wind chills, 0 degrees can seem
positively balmy. I know Chicago is cold. I know Montana and No Dak both brag in
regards to how cold it gets. MN, can get fucking cold. Your boogers will freeze.
2) I've seen a couple of these "Kuik-E-Mart" convenience stores pop up 'round town. WTF?
Who are they trying to kid, man? Ohhhh, right right right. Copyright infringement
of my beloved Simpsons. My question is, who's working behind the counter, Apoo?
(Get it? Name change to prevent any copyright infr...nevermind)
3) Our kitchy lighting is almost rigged. We've 86'ed the idea of sheetrocking the up-
stairs BR. (Too much work, too little time) A layer o' Kilz, and then we can paint.
The color? "Neverwhere"...that's for all of my Gaiman fans. (Okay, it's "Ever-
more", but the gist was for all my Gaiman fans. Do I have any Gaiman fans? Is it
embarrassing to be named "Gay-Man"? What Kind of Superhero are you?)
4) J and I spent a part of the weekend being snippy. House stuff. It happens.
5) I 86'ed two parties this weekend in lieu of getting up ass-crack early to work on said
house. Some dorks in my cast actually left a prank call on my cell phone. Do people
actually prank anymore? Dirty messages? Kids today, I tell ya.
6) Our biggest house for Henry last weekend was 14. The Strib ran an erroneous calendar
entry claiming that our show closed last weekend. Nice. We still have one weekend
left kids. Is this what is stealing our thunder?:
http://pinwheelpictures.com/pointbreak/
7) Once again I try a jambalaya dish (Cheesecake Factory). It was delish, but the meta-
bolism kept me up half the night sweating. And I dreamt of recessed lighting.
I'm just not used to the rich food. So, the bags under my eyes will make me
look soooooo pretty for my Old Log Audition. Whatever. Pete'll get it anyway.
I read a description of the show, and it's waaay more his type o' gig. I look like
Robin Williams after a 6 day coke binge.
8) If you listend to WLTE long enough, the wuss rock songs all sort of blend together.
Seriously. In 7 hours, they played 3 Styx, 2 Journey's, and 4 Chicagoes. It remind-
ed me of the shit they would play during the "Snowball Slow Skate" at our local
roller rink "Skate Land". I won't even begin to bore you with my fat-kid on skates
stories.
I'm tired.
Monday, January 17, 2005
Message from Dr. King-
I had the day off. Soooo here's your MLK jr. day message. My favorite
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in time of comfort and convenience....but rather where he stands in time of challenge, and controversy. "
So true.
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in time of comfort and convenience....but rather where he stands in time of challenge, and controversy. "
So true.
Friday, January 14, 2005
A titch nipply...
So, I should comment on the weather for today. And the next few days.
Fuck.
Fuh-reezing balls outside folks. Or, as the Germans say, "Es ist balls gefreezin". So that isn't the actual German Colloquilism, but you get the point. It is so cold that it hurts, and it's actually supposed to get colder. (sighs...) Not much point bitchin'.
Randoms:
J is getting better. I wish she'd make her appt. w/the specialist. She's bound and determined to wait until after we move. Btw, books are heavy, so I'm really thinking about donating some of them. I mean Really, Really heavy. The couch/chair combo and mattresses won't weigh dick.
Henry V: Not a great show last night, and my head wasn't all there. (I left it in the car) I even dropped a smegging line! Not uber important, but I did it. The cast was all abuzz w/review talk- which I think caused much of my distraction. I did sing "U can go your own waaaay!!" to Jay, who was compared to Mick Fleetwood in one of our reviews. He told me he would've preferred "Tusk". Backstage at the CRPC was frigid, hence the comment "It's a Tit Bit Nipply". Cuttin' holes in my costume. Need some pasties, or something. 2 weekends left, peeps.
Vanity Fair came out w/their annual Star Wars Leibowitz special. Cool cover, Cool pics, but considering how non-plussed I was with the finished product, I'll wait til the movie comes out to get too excited. Oh who am I kidding...I wanna see the big Obi-Wan/Anakin throwdown.
And to tie in with that: Is nothing sacred?http://www.hasbro.com/starwars/pl/page.news/id.1130/dn/default.cfm
Fuck.
Fuh-reezing balls outside folks. Or, as the Germans say, "Es ist balls gefreezin". So that isn't the actual German Colloquilism, but you get the point. It is so cold that it hurts, and it's actually supposed to get colder. (sighs...) Not much point bitchin'.
Randoms:
J is getting better. I wish she'd make her appt. w/the specialist. She's bound and determined to wait until after we move. Btw, books are heavy, so I'm really thinking about donating some of them. I mean Really, Really heavy. The couch/chair combo and mattresses won't weigh dick.
Henry V: Not a great show last night, and my head wasn't all there. (I left it in the car) I even dropped a smegging line! Not uber important, but I did it. The cast was all abuzz w/review talk- which I think caused much of my distraction. I did sing "U can go your own waaaay!!" to Jay, who was compared to Mick Fleetwood in one of our reviews. He told me he would've preferred "Tusk". Backstage at the CRPC was frigid, hence the comment "It's a Tit Bit Nipply". Cuttin' holes in my costume. Need some pasties, or something. 2 weekends left, peeps.
Vanity Fair came out w/their annual Star Wars Leibowitz special. Cool cover, Cool pics, but considering how non-plussed I was with the finished product, I'll wait til the movie comes out to get too excited. Oh who am I kidding...I wanna see the big Obi-Wan/Anakin throwdown.
And to tie in with that: Is nothing sacred?http://www.hasbro.com/starwars/pl/page.news/id.1130/dn/default.cfm
Thursday, January 13, 2005
It's not who you know...
...it's where you work out. Here's a happy coincidence:
I stopped at the "Y" before the show last week (Killing time before call.) and I had intended on finishing my workout by hitting the heavy bag for a couple of minutes before hitting the showers. And who should I run into on the running track but one of the nice ladies that works at my agency. We start jibber-jabbin' about the holidays, and the new house. Our topic leans towards renovation, home updates etc, and stimulates a fiery dialogue between the two of us about the trials and tribulations we've encountered. I let her get back to her workout, and I headed out to the theatre, commenting to J later that the last time I'd ran into this lady I got a call for an audition. Since I don't get called much, I'll take what I can get.
2 days later, I receive a call to audition for an HGTV show. They want a "host-type" with (get this) knowledge of home repair. Funny. I go, I make 'em laugh, and leave. I didn't get it (*) since I'm not quite the demographic they're looking for. It's just nice to get a call, y'know?
On my way back to work, I get another agent call, for yet another HGTV show. (A host who is knowledgable in the area of home repair.) Cool! I go and read yesterday for this thing (I didn't get it.) but the guy asked if he could keep my number handy because he said I had "good Improv". That really made my day.
All this bitching about the house...who'd of thought these fortuitous circumstances would have occurred? Certainly not me.
(* Why do I know I didn't get it? Weel, if you go out on enough of these calls, you start to get the feel for it. Here is an example from the 1st audition I went to- the dialogue goes like this:
Them: "Hi, you must be Marrrk?"
Me: "Close! It's M---"
Them: "Right, Right. Did you have a chance to look at the script?"
Me: "Yup! Ready to go!"
Them: "Great, let's get you in there"
***I do my thing. They start laughing and say 'Very Good', which means I've pulled something stupid outta my ass which will probably wind up in a commercial/show later.***
Them: "Thanks for coming" (As I leave, enter the next Actor. I've seen the guy before, and there's a pretty good chance you have too, probably on some commercial or rather.)
Them: "HEY ____! We were wondering when you'd get here!" (Producer gives this actor a big ol' hug. Note how they are already on a 1st name basis?) "Now, did you get a chance to see the shoot dates at all?" Blah Blah Blah. You see? This is the way it is. If they like you, you get asked a bunch of questions regarding availability: Can you make a callback? Can you read with the other host? Will you cut your hair? Do you own your own suit? etc...
Contrary to what you may think, I'm not being self-deprecating. You have to think practically, and really you should do this at any audition you attend. Don't set yourself up for disappointment by assuming you are a shoe in, unless they tell you you are in. In fact...don't ever assume. And don't pass up an audition. Ever.
My opinion is that it's a waste of energy to be mad at the companies who hold these auditions if they don't pick you. Better to take away what you can, and try to leave an impression.
The thing I can't help is that I have a small head, which probably acts as a deterrment when they see me. "Uhhhh, here comes peanut head!!!"
I stopped at the "Y" before the show last week (Killing time before call.) and I had intended on finishing my workout by hitting the heavy bag for a couple of minutes before hitting the showers. And who should I run into on the running track but one of the nice ladies that works at my agency. We start jibber-jabbin' about the holidays, and the new house. Our topic leans towards renovation, home updates etc, and stimulates a fiery dialogue between the two of us about the trials and tribulations we've encountered. I let her get back to her workout, and I headed out to the theatre, commenting to J later that the last time I'd ran into this lady I got a call for an audition. Since I don't get called much, I'll take what I can get.
2 days later, I receive a call to audition for an HGTV show. They want a "host-type" with (get this) knowledge of home repair. Funny. I go, I make 'em laugh, and leave. I didn't get it (*) since I'm not quite the demographic they're looking for. It's just nice to get a call, y'know?
On my way back to work, I get another agent call, for yet another HGTV show. (A host who is knowledgable in the area of home repair.) Cool! I go and read yesterday for this thing (I didn't get it.) but the guy asked if he could keep my number handy because he said I had "good Improv". That really made my day.
All this bitching about the house...who'd of thought these fortuitous circumstances would have occurred? Certainly not me.
(* Why do I know I didn't get it? Weel, if you go out on enough of these calls, you start to get the feel for it. Here is an example from the 1st audition I went to- the dialogue goes like this:
Them: "Hi, you must be Marrrk?"
Me: "Close! It's M---"
Them: "Right, Right. Did you have a chance to look at the script?"
Me: "Yup! Ready to go!"
Them: "Great, let's get you in there"
***I do my thing. They start laughing and say 'Very Good', which means I've pulled something stupid outta my ass which will probably wind up in a commercial/show later.***
Them: "Thanks for coming" (As I leave, enter the next Actor. I've seen the guy before, and there's a pretty good chance you have too, probably on some commercial or rather.)
Them: "HEY ____! We were wondering when you'd get here!" (Producer gives this actor a big ol' hug. Note how they are already on a 1st name basis?) "Now, did you get a chance to see the shoot dates at all?" Blah Blah Blah. You see? This is the way it is. If they like you, you get asked a bunch of questions regarding availability: Can you make a callback? Can you read with the other host? Will you cut your hair? Do you own your own suit? etc...
Contrary to what you may think, I'm not being self-deprecating. You have to think practically, and really you should do this at any audition you attend. Don't set yourself up for disappointment by assuming you are a shoe in, unless they tell you you are in. In fact...don't ever assume. And don't pass up an audition. Ever.
My opinion is that it's a waste of energy to be mad at the companies who hold these auditions if they don't pick you. Better to take away what you can, and try to leave an impression.
The thing I can't help is that I have a small head, which probably acts as a deterrment when they see me. "Uhhhh, here comes peanut head!!!"
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Too Much Dressing.
I love this town. The CeeP's review came out today, and it straddled the fence. When I noticed that it practically named half the cast, It actually made me laugh out loud. They're too sweet, and I expect the call from mom will come later today.
For your playsure:
http://citypages.com/databank/26/1258/article12846.asp
I made din-din for me and the schmoop last night. Pasta. Of Course. Crafty bastards, those Italians, to have invented that carbolicious shit.
And yes, Geef... I've fucking burned water on the stove. Turned it on, went to check email, got distracted by pornimeanlongemail. Smelled smoke. Water Stink. Pot Charred. Fire bad.
Easiest dieting tip in the world was to make a mess o' pasta early in the week and have it for "easy lunches" later. I'll have a couple of big ziplocs filled w/pasta and olive oil. (Keeps it from sticking.) Our two main dishes, which we tend to work in rotation, are chicken pesto pasta, (Penne, Grilled Chicky, Tomatoes, and a jar of pesto. Why go to Noodles and co?)
Or pasta, chicky, tomatoes, and fat free Italian dressing. Easy Peasy Italianeasy...and stuff.
Well, per normal I go off and frick the whole mess up. 1st, by squeezing the bottle so hard that half of it's contents poured onto the 'sta. (Oooooooo my arms...their just so beeeg Ooooooo. Whatever. I'm slow upstairs.) THEN, (I try to) cautiously pour the superflous dressing into the sink, succeeding only in dumping THE ENTIRE bowl of pasta over the plate I was using to slow the flow...right into the sink. I cursedloudly, then had 2 glasses of chardonnay (The brand was "Lucky Frog". Don't imbibe. Yucky.) and went to bed.
One last funny work story. A trickle of beauticians came into the store last night. Apparently they needed stage make-up for a class project. You'd think "Wow, P..Beauticians!" and come up with funny lines from "Real Genius". No such luck. They were nice and all, but they ended up treating me like a Barbie "Make-Me-Pretty"...After they were all gone, my hands and arms were covered in make-up and sparkles. I AM NOT A PALATTE!!!
That and I had gas. Hard to feel sophisticated and sexy when you ate veggie chili w/extra lentils for lunch. Bah-booom!!!! Why J wants me, I'll never know. I pay her...that's why. : )
For your playsure:
http://citypages.com/databank/26/1258/article12846.asp
I made din-din for me and the schmoop last night. Pasta. Of Course. Crafty bastards, those Italians, to have invented that carbolicious shit.
And yes, Geef... I've fucking burned water on the stove. Turned it on, went to check email, got distracted by pornimeanlongemail. Smelled smoke. Water Stink. Pot Charred. Fire bad.
Easiest dieting tip in the world was to make a mess o' pasta early in the week and have it for "easy lunches" later. I'll have a couple of big ziplocs filled w/pasta and olive oil. (Keeps it from sticking.) Our two main dishes, which we tend to work in rotation, are chicken pesto pasta, (Penne, Grilled Chicky, Tomatoes, and a jar of pesto. Why go to Noodles and co?)
Or pasta, chicky, tomatoes, and fat free Italian dressing. Easy Peasy Italianeasy...and stuff.
Well, per normal I go off and frick the whole mess up. 1st, by squeezing the bottle so hard that half of it's contents poured onto the 'sta. (Oooooooo my arms...their just so beeeg Ooooooo. Whatever. I'm slow upstairs.) THEN, (I try to) cautiously pour the superflous dressing into the sink, succeeding only in dumping THE ENTIRE bowl of pasta over the plate I was using to slow the flow...right into the sink. I cursedloudly, then had 2 glasses of chardonnay (The brand was "Lucky Frog". Don't imbibe. Yucky.) and went to bed.
One last funny work story. A trickle of beauticians came into the store last night. Apparently they needed stage make-up for a class project. You'd think "Wow, P..Beauticians!" and come up with funny lines from "Real Genius". No such luck. They were nice and all, but they ended up treating me like a Barbie "Make-Me-Pretty"...After they were all gone, my hands and arms were covered in make-up and sparkles. I AM NOT A PALATTE!!!
That and I had gas. Hard to feel sophisticated and sexy when you ate veggie chili w/extra lentils for lunch. Bah-booom!!!! Why J wants me, I'll never know. I pay her...that's why. : )
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
It's the Funk that ties...
Well, to give more creedence to the bi-polar state of TC critics, I'll let you whet your appetite on:
http://www.startribune.com/stories/1555/5179500.html
or how 'bout 'zis?
http://www.twincities.com/mld/twincities/entertainment/performing_arts/10612589.htm?1c
Hmmm...one liked it, and didn't like the fights. The other didn't like it, but liked the fights. And the Funk was the only thing they both could agree on. Funny.
Different strokes and all. I really have no opinion of reviews. And reviewers tend to be a bunch of self-absorbed, overly empowered, sawed-off, poncey-noncey wankers who have a penchant for masturbating adjectives to the point of full extent- with little or no relief. To their credit, they are the most die-hard theatre patrons, and often time our staunchest supporters, which says...something . I've also just described some actors.
And the mirror, P, is THATAWAY!!!
Mostly, I'm not too fond of how some castmates act when the topic of reviews/reviewers is addressed. "Who's here", "which paper?" It just smacks of distraction, of which I already possess plenty. (And I don't like the idea of people having that kind of power. Which is why I dislike the idea of idolizing sports and entertainment figures.) Your energy should be focused on what's onstage, not who is in the frickin' house. Let the director/prodoucher worry about that. There you have it. 2 reviews. Opposites. I think I've seen that in 5 outta the last 6 shows I've been in . Citypages will come out tomorrow or (par for the course)the Wednesday before our closing weekend.
Funk said it best last night...I'm really curious about this one. And here they are. Curious, Curious...just like Harry Potters wand.
Sorry about earlier drafts btw. I ended up working on the house solo on Sunday and was feeling a little daunted. Oh well. At least we got the drywall in. And at the very leaset, the "J" is feeling better, meaning she didn't cry at all from the pain last night. She just complained that I smelled like garlic.
btw: Luce' Vegan Brushcetta- Not too bad. Just don't expect too much sweet-lovin. If you're me that is.
btw/btw: Why is Christoper McKnight, aka "Peter Brady" built like a bodybuilder now? And a super nice guy to boot? Talk about making me feel self conscious. Note to self, don't watch the Surreal Life 4 anymore.
http://www.startribune.com/stories/1555/5179500.html
or how 'bout 'zis?
http://www.twincities.com/mld/twincities/entertainment/performing_arts/10612589.htm?1c
Hmmm...one liked it, and didn't like the fights. The other didn't like it, but liked the fights. And the Funk was the only thing they both could agree on. Funny.
Different strokes and all. I really have no opinion of reviews. And reviewers tend to be a bunch of self-absorbed, overly empowered, sawed-off, poncey-noncey wankers who have a penchant for masturbating adjectives to the point of full extent- with little or no relief. To their credit, they are the most die-hard theatre patrons, and often time our staunchest supporters, which says...something . I've also just described some actors.
And the mirror, P, is THATAWAY!!!
Mostly, I'm not too fond of how some castmates act when the topic of reviews/reviewers is addressed. "Who's here", "which paper?" It just smacks of distraction, of which I already possess plenty. (And I don't like the idea of people having that kind of power. Which is why I dislike the idea of idolizing sports and entertainment figures.) Your energy should be focused on what's onstage, not who is in the frickin' house. Let the director/prodoucher worry about that. There you have it. 2 reviews. Opposites. I think I've seen that in 5 outta the last 6 shows I've been in . Citypages will come out tomorrow or (par for the course)the Wednesday before our closing weekend.
Funk said it best last night...I'm really curious about this one. And here they are. Curious, Curious...just like Harry Potters wand.
Sorry about earlier drafts btw. I ended up working on the house solo on Sunday and was feeling a little daunted. Oh well. At least we got the drywall in. And at the very leaset, the "J" is feeling better, meaning she didn't cry at all from the pain last night. She just complained that I smelled like garlic.
btw: Luce' Vegan Brushcetta- Not too bad. Just don't expect too much sweet-lovin. If you're me that is.
btw/btw: Why is Christoper McKnight, aka "Peter Brady" built like a bodybuilder now? And a super nice guy to boot? Talk about making me feel self conscious. Note to self, don't watch the Surreal Life 4 anymore.
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