Must be fate....

I'll "house-dish" later. I had some weird goings-on this weekend that I thought I'd share.


So this Saturday I blogged about this "big" audition I had & how I was extremely non-plussed with my own performance. It was a long blog, (As you've come to expect) and given that I am not typically prone to self deprecation of that magnitude...well let's just say I was pretty nasty to myself. Waaaay too introspective and on top of that, I was asking the big questions. And to be perfectly honest- (As opposed to what, P? Imperfect honesty? You're honest, but you suck at it?) y'all didn't need to all see that side of moi.

Which is what brings me to the weird part: Apparently my PC doesn't think you need to see it either. I went to post it, and my system crashed. Timed Out. Nada was saved. All that carpal tunnel in the toilet, and I was late for a lunch date. (With no desire to re-type it.)


Kismet has saved me on numerous occasions from this type of emotional gaffe (All surrounding 4 long-term ex-gf's), and I'd really like to share:
1st Ex: (Together 3.5 years) I wrote a long letter, reeking with all of those "we've both made mistakes/I'm so sorry this couldn't last/barfeddy barfeddy barfeddy"...
Mailed it....returned due to insufficient postage. (Stamps had just increased in prices that month. Who knew?)
Ex #2: (1.5 years) Same letter, fell out of my car into the driveway. It was April. The letter was trashed.
#3 (1.5 years) I'm brilliant- I start to really buy into this whole kismet thing, and realize after writing the newest emotionally charged "goodbye" letter, I should just throw it out with all her old pics! A spiritual cleansing of sorts. (Ok- I'm not wont to do that type of thing, but I was 23, living alone, and so very emotional.) So, I put it all in a box, set the letter on fire (Ah...catharsis!) and toss it (wait for it!) into a dumpster (waiiiit for it!!!) which caught on fire. Yeah. I was covered in coffee grounds, soot, and banana peels before I was able to put that fucker out. This is why I don't do the whole "cathartic-ex-gf-picture-burning-tossing" thing.
Too Dangerous.
#4 (2 years): Same type of letter, but now containing many references to the cat we owned together. Mailed it. Forgot to put a stamp on it. The End.


So you see readers, I may have been subconsiously sabotaging my attempts to show these ex's just how big of a pathetic and mopey boob I was (am). And it is indeed probably better that they didn't see all of that. I don't possess much of a high gloss, so I need to muster all of the dignity I can.


Last thing: I had such an overwhelming state of deja vu last night w/J. Down to the letter of our conversation and to the fact that she was eating her mini-twix bars.
FUH-reaked me out. She just stared at me like I was weird. Pretty soon we were both sleeping, and it really didn't matter any more. : )