Okay, so the saga of the bogarted break-room creamer clearly didn't keep you all rapt. I understand. For me, it's the little stories that add spice to life. Like, for instance, my cat. Who was such an annoying pest the other night- licking my head, knocking over my lip goo/water bottle/NEARly my lamp before I actually chucked his ass underhand out of my bed. He promptly went into daddy's room (the Bean) and started caterwauling until he got up, went downstairs, filled his bowl, and went back to bed.
Folks, there was food in the bowl when I went downstairs not an hour before. 15 minutes later Georgie comes back into my bedroom where I can hear him stop at the foot of the bed. He then proceeds to puke (mind you- every time this cat vomits he emits a low, low growling moan) so this lead me to believe that I pissed him off, he coerced the Bean into feeding him (effectively "re-loading") went back upstairs and proceeded to do a spite-barf. He didn't even run off as I got out of bed and watched him lazily pad back out of the room. Ass cat.
So news. First-
The weather lately has been fantastic for early Spring. My tulips, day lillies, and many of my perennials that I planted, oh, two years ago? Are all popping up en masse. More importantly, all nine of the garlic bulbs we planted are starting to sprout! (My 1st count last week I only saw 6, so I chalked it up to zealous and hungry squirrel-terrorists. As it got warmer, boom. 3 more) Between that and the seeds Moda planted that are exploding we're going to have a veritable bounty. It'd be such a nice contrast with last years relatively weak harvest. I've even been contemplating expansion. GASP!
Second-
My contract here at the BGWC will be extended through the summer (if they like me) as opposed to running out in Spring. I guess the housing market is still buyer-centric and judging by how swamped we've been I should still be gainfully employed with a chance of mandatory overtime forseeable. (Boo...I mean YE$$$!!!) The downside is that I had to pull out of Paul Bunyan and it marks probably the first time in nearly 20 years of performing that I've ever done so. I need the dough, I know. It just sucks. A show would have been nice. That show would have been nice.
Third-
I'm currently in week #3 at the BNI's performance track class. I hemmed and hawed but the classes are pretty challenging and as an actor are helping make some discoveries. I don't want to get too poncey about it since it's a lot of what actors have heard before, sufficed to say it was a good choice and I'm getting a lot out of it. Class tends to always go over and we hash over what we've just worked on that night. So yeah. Playtime. Thanks, dad.
Fourth-
Since I've been in a learnin' state of mind, I'm going to take Choy Li Fut for 8 weeks. It's a class I'd been hankerin' to take (along with Wing Chun and Capoeria...and ball room dancing) for a while since I received the community circulars so I thought I'd give it a whirl. We'll see. Kiiiya.
Fifth-
Run training is...well it is. I've already made it past the 10K mark, topping off (as of late last March) at 7.5 miles. However, the nice weather has been taking me off the 'Mill and putting me on the proper roadways/trails. Except, and I won't lie... it's a bitch. I commented to Moda that I can definitely feel my legs getting stronger and my knees (knocking on wood) have felt okay. Holy Moly, my anterior tibalis and gastrocnemius are the devil. Just yesterday on an "easy" 4.5 miler I had to stop 4-5 times just to stretch it out. I'm hitting the gym to strength cross-train, but the out of doors is becoming a bit daunting. I might have to go back to the treadmill in spite of good weather. Frass. And here we did our first (and my longest) outdoor training run around Lake of the Isles/Calhoun last weekend.*
The races are 4/24 and 6/6 respectively. Think healing thoughts.
Sixth-
Vay. Cay. Shun. That's right, kids. Moda and I are West-coasting, heading out to OR to see L and D's wedding. Then it's a few days of scrabbling up and down the coast before heading home. Damn straight I'm happy. First proper vacation I'll have had in over 2 years. I need the ocean. And it gives my roommate his precious "house to himself" days.
Seventh-
Moda finally comes to the end of a long run of consecutive shows in less than two weeks. It'll be nice to have my cooking/gardening/frassing buddy...well to get my girlfriend back. It's gonna be Farmers Markets, dirty hands, bike rides, happy hours, and sunshine for buddies.
WaHoo.
(*Perspective- MD is running a 100K marathon for OXFAM. Holy crap)
Thursday, April 08, 2010
Sunday, April 04, 2010
Well...not all of them.
I checked out Moda's show last Friday. ("Safe as Houses" at the Theatre Garage. Get off yer duff's and see it, fools!) And I was remarking later that the lead bears a striking resemblance to Redwright's hubby. Which, of course, gets me olde gears spinning since I ran into another actor who bears another uncanny resemblance to my roommate, El Bean. So I'm pontificating this yesterday (meaning- putting off raking) to him while he's doing the dog and pony show which is making his breakfast, and he seems genuinely interested in spite of the fact that (A) I have no story and (B) my idea is solely based on the fact that two pairs of actors look like one and other.
Anyway, our dialogue. For your enjoyment:
M- "So that's it. You and _____ are brothers and _____ and _____ are brothers. Cool?"
D- "Okay. Just don't cast any annoying actors."
M- "Which ones?"
Anyway, our dialogue. For your enjoyment:
M- "So that's it. You and _____ are brothers and _____ and _____ are brothers. Cool?"
D- "Okay. Just don't cast any annoying actors."
M- "Which ones?"
Friday, April 02, 2010
And it's the A-hole FTW!
They threw it out.
This epic opus I've been on this week to see if my creamer would go unsullied comes to a tragic and abrupt end this morning. As I made my bleary eyed way to the fridge, I mindlessly reached in the back to obtain my beloved coffee mate only to withdraw empty handed. "But, but...it was there yesterday?!? And with puh-LENTY to spare. So clever, you are, my friend. Writing snarky notes works the BEST! Ah. Ha. Haaaa".
Nope. My initial deduction is that some mammy-jam read the little novella I taped to the side of the bottle and was grossed out. If there is any justice in the world, it'll have been the yahoo who was bogarting my creamer.
That's some redonkulous bullshit to start a Friday.
This epic opus I've been on this week to see if my creamer would go unsullied comes to a tragic and abrupt end this morning. As I made my bleary eyed way to the fridge, I mindlessly reached in the back to obtain my beloved coffee mate only to withdraw empty handed. "But, but...it was there yesterday?!? And with puh-LENTY to spare. So clever, you are, my friend. Writing snarky notes works the BEST! Ah. Ha. Haaaa".
Nope. My initial deduction is that some mammy-jam read the little novella I taped to the side of the bottle and was grossed out. If there is any justice in the world, it'll have been the yahoo who was bogarting my creamer.
That's some redonkulous bullshit to start a Friday.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
ICYC*
*In case you're curious-
My creamer remains untouched as of Wednesday. Last week at this time? It was nearly empty. I'm keeping my eyes peeled for people who look like they've lost sleep due to their GUILTY ASS CONSCIENCE'S!!!
Ahem.
My creamer remains untouched as of Wednesday. Last week at this time? It was nearly empty. I'm keeping my eyes peeled for people who look like they've lost sleep due to their GUILTY ASS CONSCIENCE'S!!!
Ahem.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Eff a bunch of food kleptomaniacs.
If you haven't guessed, I have very few things I say I can "hate" on. Canned mushrooms. Reality TV. Glenn Beck. Other drivers. All legit "hates". What can really color your day, are the food klepto's. It was bad enough a few weeks back when some D-bag took a bite out of my sammich and put it back. It's another thing entirely to get my yogurt and discover it's disappeared. (For some reason, people just really like to make off with their acidophilus fix)
The cake hath now been taketh, for over the last two weeks I've noticed that my fat free vanilla creamer has felt suspiciously lighter by the end of the week. (A small bottle usually gets me through M-F with some to spare. And that accounts for my a.m. and p.m. caffeine fix.) Yesterday was the proof in the pudding, as I was pouring it into my mug and was greeted with a trickling that barely changed the color of the coffee. (I'm kinda like James Belushi in "Red Heat" where there's a magical alchemical formula for that perfect coffee to creamer or coffee to cream/sugar ratio.) Needless to say, I was pissed.
So today, after scheming up a few Machiavellian revenge scenarios (Fill the empty bottle with cottage cheese and milk? Vinegar? BBQ sauce and water?) I decided that a little note taped to the bottle would suffice. It reads as follows:
To the person who has been stealing my creamer:
Just so you know, this stuff isn't cheap and what you are doing is still THEFT. Therefore I have licked the lid to this container, and I may or may not have a cold sore.
ps: I will be doing this on future bottles of creamer. HANDS OFF!
The cake hath now been taketh, for over the last two weeks I've noticed that my fat free vanilla creamer has felt suspiciously lighter by the end of the week. (A small bottle usually gets me through M-F with some to spare. And that accounts for my a.m. and p.m. caffeine fix.) Yesterday was the proof in the pudding, as I was pouring it into my mug and was greeted with a trickling that barely changed the color of the coffee. (I'm kinda like James Belushi in "Red Heat" where there's a magical alchemical formula for that perfect coffee to creamer or coffee to cream/sugar ratio.) Needless to say, I was pissed.
So today, after scheming up a few Machiavellian revenge scenarios (Fill the empty bottle with cottage cheese and milk? Vinegar? BBQ sauce and water?) I decided that a little note taped to the bottle would suffice. It reads as follows:
To the person who has been stealing my creamer:
Just so you know, this stuff isn't cheap and what you are doing is still THEFT. Therefore I have licked the lid to this container, and I may or may not have a cold sore.
ps: I will be doing this on future bottles of creamer. HANDS OFF!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
The way the gears turn
I really like having buddy cooking nights coming back. (I know, I know...this is probably sounding more like a hippo blog. Go with me.) Since Moda has a shortie rehearsal I figured I'd buck the tradition of "I make breakfast and grill/She makes dinners" and whip something up. Thing is, I'm such a frassy flibbertigibbity impatient bing-bong that I'll look at close to 14 recipes before eventually picking up taco's and arranging them on a plate like I made them myself. I exude frass.
After having tiring non-run day, I went to bed last night fully prepared to say "eff it" and chop up a bunch of veggies for marinated tofu veggie wraps. Leaving for work this morning, I was silently cursing the unwashed masses making my commute hell when I noticed a ton of trucks on the road. So where did I go with this seemingly random observence?
"Hm. Many trucks. Well of course, they're bringing in fresh sea food. Metro Mag had that article last month about the best time to buy seafood being Thursday, which is today. Ergo, the increase in diesel guzzlers can clearly be attributed to the fresh delivery of ocean fare to the Twin Cities stores and restaurants. Perhaps this is a sign I should try making seared scallops with pasta. Perhaps I should."
Yeah. Don't ask. I wound up making a joke about the movie "Any Which Way But Loose" this morning (Clint Eastwood and an Orangutang? Glorious comedy!) and all the babies looked at me like a grew a nipple on my forehead. I looked at the one person who knew what I was talking about and said-
"Well. There I go again dating myself. What? Oh. It was nice. I was a little embarrassed when I ordered a glass of wine and myself was actually trying not to drink for Lent. Myself was pretty charming. I don't know if we'll go out again, but we agreed to do coffee later in the week. Myself had a pretty sweet smile and was really good at directing the conversation back at myself. Who knows. Oh- And when I went to pay, myself insisted we go Dutch. That's pretty 80's, but that's cool. I'll pick up the coffee for myself and I later."
What is this madness?
After having tiring non-run day, I went to bed last night fully prepared to say "eff it" and chop up a bunch of veggies for marinated tofu veggie wraps. Leaving for work this morning, I was silently cursing the unwashed masses making my commute hell when I noticed a ton of trucks on the road. So where did I go with this seemingly random observence?
"Hm. Many trucks. Well of course, they're bringing in fresh sea food. Metro Mag had that article last month about the best time to buy seafood being Thursday, which is today. Ergo, the increase in diesel guzzlers can clearly be attributed to the fresh delivery of ocean fare to the Twin Cities stores and restaurants. Perhaps this is a sign I should try making seared scallops with pasta. Perhaps I should."
Yeah. Don't ask. I wound up making a joke about the movie "Any Which Way But Loose" this morning (Clint Eastwood and an Orangutang? Glorious comedy!) and all the babies looked at me like a grew a nipple on my forehead. I looked at the one person who knew what I was talking about and said-
"Well. There I go again dating myself. What? Oh. It was nice. I was a little embarrassed when I ordered a glass of wine and myself was actually trying not to drink for Lent. Myself was pretty charming. I don't know if we'll go out again, but we agreed to do coffee later in the week. Myself had a pretty sweet smile and was really good at directing the conversation back at myself. Who knows. Oh- And when I went to pay, myself insisted we go Dutch. That's pretty 80's, but that's cool. I'll pick up the coffee for myself and I later."
What is this madness?
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Coming to my census...
5. That is the number of badgering correspondence requesting I fill my 2010 census form out. I did it, of course. (And considered adding George teh Kitteh as a co-resident. I resisted, of course...) It's the dumbest thing ever and it doesn't really give one the sense of civic pride that comes with, say, voting. But I did it. It got me thinking of where I was 10 years ago and why those bastards at the census bureau didn't pester me then...then I realized life was very different. I was, of course, a C.H.U.D. (Carnal Hedonist Uptown Dweller) then I realized that I wasn't living in Uptown at all at the time which made me switch it to C.H.A.D. (tm) which stood for Crazy Headcase Apartment Dweller. Far more accurate. (RSvP and I lived in SE Mipples by the "U") Incidentally, and no offense to the Chad's of the world, but I think calling someone a "Chad" would be a great insult. Akin to "D-Bag". You go to a bar with a bunch of white ball-capped D-Bags? "Man. This place is crawling with Chads. Let's bail and get taco's." See?
Anyway, my point is 10 years ago I wasn't census'd. I did, however, get my wisdom teeth pulled. Coincidence? I think not.
What else...
I saw "Crank" and "Crank 2" (Hey. When Moda is at rehearsal it becomes bad movie night) Anyway, these flicks are inSANE. Not even bad, just insane...to the point where I found myself liking them in spite of their high bullshit factor. They were more action comedy than anything.
They made you want to...I don't know. Chug 6 Red Bulls and go for a run. Insane.
Oh. I'm starting improv classes at the Be-NeW. It'll be a hoot. I gotta be really honest, I'm not too hip on "games" etc. Zip Zap Zop? Nope. But it'll be nice to have a different outlet and see what all the fuss is about. Buddies like Ry-Gonn have been asking me to do it for a while now. And I think that dad would've liked it too. We shall see.
Anyway, my point is 10 years ago I wasn't census'd. I did, however, get my wisdom teeth pulled. Coincidence? I think not.
What else...
I saw "Crank" and "Crank 2" (Hey. When Moda is at rehearsal it becomes bad movie night) Anyway, these flicks are inSANE. Not even bad, just insane...to the point where I found myself liking them in spite of their high bullshit factor. They were more action comedy than anything.
They made you want to...I don't know. Chug 6 Red Bulls and go for a run. Insane.
Oh. I'm starting improv classes at the Be-NeW. It'll be a hoot. I gotta be really honest, I'm not too hip on "games" etc. Zip Zap Zop? Nope. But it'll be nice to have a different outlet and see what all the fuss is about. Buddies like Ry-Gonn have been asking me to do it for a while now. And I think that dad would've liked it too. We shall see.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Sprang has Sprung
Hey ho there! My daily lack of blogging is going to catch up with me. I BLAME THE WEATHER! So starting last weekend we evidenced a HUGH-mongous warm up. My yard is entirely sans snow and the only accumulation that's visible, really, are the mondo piles that've been pushed up in parking lots. Well, that and the snow mold- or "mould". That mystery had me reeling and thinking pod people were living in my yard.
So yeah, I've been trying to play outdoors more. Can you blame me? 60 degrees! In Mid-March! And it's High School tourney/March Madness! This is going to poke some serious holes in my airtight theories regarding MN Winters. (Note to...well everyone who thinks that this was a mild winter? Just remember- It never really ended from last year. I'm talking winter of 08/09 sorta trailed off into Fall from April to November and we got dumped on. Again. And December was witch-tatty cold)
Lo and behold the 1st day of Spring is approaching this Caturday. And while I've only but cautiously removed plastic from the kitchen windows (HOLY MOTHER I WAS ABLE TO AIR OUT MY HOUSE!!!) it'll be no time before I'm in full spring madness. That said, here are some tips and reminders for early Spring fever:
1- Just because the precipitation goes from snow to rain, doesn't mean people are going to drive any better. In fact, their confusion may make them drive worse. Trust public transportation.
2-If you have buddies who smoke, the melty snow will invariably show where they tossed their butts. Instead of the large tin can with cat litter in it that you left out for them to use as an ash tray.
3-Avocados. Totally in season. Get your guac on. Or Breakfast burrito. Or soup. Chow down on that noble vegetable while the chowing is good.
4-If you live in the city, your tap water is gonna reek for a few weeks. Runoff. Pure and simple.
5-One of my walking/jogging routes is by a dog park. Smell has no fury like a winters worth of melty poop.
6-When the weather spikes, people will foolheartily don their shorts. Be warned. There may be a glare.
7-I'd, um, well don't just put away your salt or shovels yet. I'm just sayin'...
So yeah, I've been trying to play outdoors more. Can you blame me? 60 degrees! In Mid-March! And it's High School tourney/March Madness! This is going to poke some serious holes in my airtight theories regarding MN Winters. (Note to...well everyone who thinks that this was a mild winter? Just remember- It never really ended from last year. I'm talking winter of 08/09 sorta trailed off into Fall from April to November and we got dumped on. Again. And December was witch-tatty cold)
Lo and behold the 1st day of Spring is approaching this Caturday. And while I've only but cautiously removed plastic from the kitchen windows (HOLY MOTHER I WAS ABLE TO AIR OUT MY HOUSE!!!) it'll be no time before I'm in full spring madness. That said, here are some tips and reminders for early Spring fever:
1- Just because the precipitation goes from snow to rain, doesn't mean people are going to drive any better. In fact, their confusion may make them drive worse. Trust public transportation.
2-If you have buddies who smoke, the melty snow will invariably show where they tossed their butts. Instead of the large tin can with cat litter in it that you left out for them to use as an ash tray.
3-Avocados. Totally in season. Get your guac on. Or Breakfast burrito. Or soup. Chow down on that noble vegetable while the chowing is good.
4-If you live in the city, your tap water is gonna reek for a few weeks. Runoff. Pure and simple.
5-One of my walking/jogging routes is by a dog park. Smell has no fury like a winters worth of melty poop.
6-When the weather spikes, people will foolheartily don their shorts. Be warned. There may be a glare.
7-I'd, um, well don't just put away your salt or shovels yet. I'm just sayin'...
Friday, March 12, 2010
They'RRRRRR GrrrrrEAT!
So I discovered via Melinite's Blog that I completely spaced this is the year of the TIGER according to my Chinese horoscope. How I could have flipping forgot this is beyond me. I suppose I was thinking of cheese. So it is my belief that this year, MY year, has to be flights and bounds better than my Ass-y 2009 and I resolve to try and look for the minutiae that make life grand and try to keep my optimism and general faith in human nature afloat. Unless it's Glen Beck or if I'm in my car during my commute. All bets are off then, sucka's.
It made me look back on where I was 12 years ago and trying to remember what made that a "good" year, so I dug into the archives (read: my planner/journal) to see what sort of place I was in at the time. Let's just say I was very...young. Okay:
-I was in what was to be my last year of college. It was my first full year as a single man after spending roughly the previous 7-8 years in one monogamous relationship after another. (Which meant I never spent too much time with my classmates, I hadn't really immersed myself in the program, and didn't know folks too well outside of acadamia) In other words, I wasn't running off from school to spend time with my giiiirlfriend.
-Subsequently, apppparently (the notes/journal gets fuzzy about this at times) I started dating within the program. I began working on my all-new old cheap moves, and went on many dates to the Riverside Perkins. World class charmer, I am.
-I saw a majority of my undergraduate buddies naked in "Hair". Again, very important as college was never really the bacchanalian orgy I had imagined from movies like "Animal House" or "Revenge of the Nerds".
-I got in my 1st show at TRP. Getting cast outside of school/way-off suburban community theatre made me feel like a big-kid. And put me on track for working my nuts off trying to start and get paid gigs.
-I purchased a big-kid bed. Queen sized mattress at an Uptown liquidator. I was so excited (after having slept on the couch for 3 months) that I heaved that thing up 3 flights all by my lonesome, throwing my back out in the process. I slept "sans" sheets for another 2 weeks.
- Apparently I started hanging with work co-workers a lot more as well. I was promoted to "Big-Balance" collections which meant a raise. I started hanging out at more Downtown bars and not dive/sports bars out in the 'burbs. I befriended Guiness, Gimlets, and red wine. One of them, dear old Ellen, was kind of like my personal fashionista...but worldly. My personal hipster teacher. Gave the dumb advice on things like how to pick wine. Making sure my belt and shoes were the same color. Cologne that worked with my body. (There's a reason I stopped coating my body with Preferred Stock) How to "not" talk about ex-girlfriends when taking a woman on a date. How to look like a million bucks by shopping at Opitz with only $20. Hair product s#it to use. She knew doormen at The Lounge and the old Pickled Parrot which would get us into VIP areas for free. We'd eat steamed mussels and sling back Manhatten's or Bloody Mary's at the Loring while listening to samba music. Seriously, she was one of the first female friends I had that I had chop down straight up platonic feelings for. And was cool. And it was helpful.
Especially when she would introduce me to her girlfriends. What? >: D
- I visited my friend in NYC for the 1st time. (NY, not my friend) I learned that getting recommendatios as to what Broadway show I should see can be a dicey game at best. (FYI- I thought "Hedwig" sucked my hedwig. I remember watching people walk out of the Jane Street theatre and envying them)
-I got my first Spider-Man costume. '98 was the year they actually started producing liscensed Marvel super-hero costumes, and even though the mask was a big doofy looking foam thing, it was the 1st Spider-Man costume I'd owned since I was 13.
-Dad retired. Before he did, and basing my rationale on things I learned in my Career Preparation for Actors class- I purchased a couple of suits. (We were advised that you should have suits to be able to wear to On-Camera auditions when needed. Okay?) The style and cut were actually the same as the suit my big brother owned so we ended up looking kind of like mannequins. I remember drinking Jameson straight up with my dad and teasing big brother about his Bailey's on the rocks. It felt amazing. Like big kids.
-This would be the first year I schlepped around my first Fringe Festival. There were, like, 4 venues. And about 30-40 theatre/dance groups. Funny thing, 12 years can do.
All told, it was a great year to be entering your "Quarter Life Crisis". I did the dumb, ego-centric things a single 24 year old can do. (Did I mention the young lady I went on a couple of dates with and would leave 5-7 minute rambly messages on my voicemail which I'd play for my friends to our amusement? Or supplying liquor to a couple of Luthern College minors at the behest of my ex-girlfriend only to have them get so loaded we needed to pull over 6 x's so they could heave all over the freeway? All decisions aren't the best decisions)
The year has a bit of a head start on me, but I'm feeling cautiously optimistic. You know? I landed a show up in Bemidji/Brainerd/Egypt. I'm driving a new vehicle. I've been steadily dating a really great gal. I have plans to start getting my hands dirty, really dirty again on the house. Shit that I know I've profrasstrinated on for too long. (Heck, I've even started the minor douche-y stuff around the lawn like cleaning debris.) I'm auditioning next week at the BNW for their performance class, something that I've always had in my periphery but never went after. (Oh, how dad...and Ry-Gonn for that matter used to pester me to do it.) I'm running a 10K then a 1/2 marathon. I've kiboshed (moooostly. Please don't begrudge a man for needing a beer after a really shite day) alcohol for Lent.
So maybe that's all the year of the Tiger is, right? The ability to actualize and create your own path by your own hand.
Shoot.
I might have to sit down with my copy of "The Path of Least Resistance" again...
It made me look back on where I was 12 years ago and trying to remember what made that a "good" year, so I dug into the archives (read: my planner/journal) to see what sort of place I was in at the time. Let's just say I was very...young. Okay:
-I was in what was to be my last year of college. It was my first full year as a single man after spending roughly the previous 7-8 years in one monogamous relationship after another. (Which meant I never spent too much time with my classmates, I hadn't really immersed myself in the program, and didn't know folks too well outside of acadamia) In other words, I wasn't running off from school to spend time with my giiiirlfriend.
-Subsequently, apppparently (the notes/journal gets fuzzy about this at times) I started dating within the program. I began working on my all-new old cheap moves, and went on many dates to the Riverside Perkins. World class charmer, I am.
-I saw a majority of my undergraduate buddies naked in "Hair". Again, very important as college was never really the bacchanalian orgy I had imagined from movies like "Animal House" or "Revenge of the Nerds".
-I got in my 1st show at TRP. Getting cast outside of school/way-off suburban community theatre made me feel like a big-kid. And put me on track for working my nuts off trying to start and get paid gigs.
-I purchased a big-kid bed. Queen sized mattress at an Uptown liquidator. I was so excited (after having slept on the couch for 3 months) that I heaved that thing up 3 flights all by my lonesome, throwing my back out in the process. I slept "sans" sheets for another 2 weeks.
- Apparently I started hanging with work co-workers a lot more as well. I was promoted to "Big-Balance" collections which meant a raise. I started hanging out at more Downtown bars and not dive/sports bars out in the 'burbs. I befriended Guiness, Gimlets, and red wine. One of them, dear old Ellen, was kind of like my personal fashionista...but worldly. My personal hipster teacher. Gave the dumb advice on things like how to pick wine. Making sure my belt and shoes were the same color. Cologne that worked with my body. (There's a reason I stopped coating my body with Preferred Stock) How to "not" talk about ex-girlfriends when taking a woman on a date. How to look like a million bucks by shopping at Opitz with only $20. Hair product s#it to use. She knew doormen at The Lounge and the old Pickled Parrot which would get us into VIP areas for free. We'd eat steamed mussels and sling back Manhatten's or Bloody Mary's at the Loring while listening to samba music. Seriously, she was one of the first female friends I had that I had chop down straight up platonic feelings for. And was cool. And it was helpful.
Especially when she would introduce me to her girlfriends. What? >: D
- I visited my friend in NYC for the 1st time. (NY, not my friend) I learned that getting recommendatios as to what Broadway show I should see can be a dicey game at best. (FYI- I thought "Hedwig" sucked my hedwig. I remember watching people walk out of the Jane Street theatre and envying them)
-I got my first Spider-Man costume. '98 was the year they actually started producing liscensed Marvel super-hero costumes, and even though the mask was a big doofy looking foam thing, it was the 1st Spider-Man costume I'd owned since I was 13.
-Dad retired. Before he did, and basing my rationale on things I learned in my Career Preparation for Actors class- I purchased a couple of suits. (We were advised that you should have suits to be able to wear to On-Camera auditions when needed. Okay?) The style and cut were actually the same as the suit my big brother owned so we ended up looking kind of like mannequins. I remember drinking Jameson straight up with my dad and teasing big brother about his Bailey's on the rocks. It felt amazing. Like big kids.
-This would be the first year I schlepped around my first Fringe Festival. There were, like, 4 venues. And about 30-40 theatre/dance groups. Funny thing, 12 years can do.
All told, it was a great year to be entering your "Quarter Life Crisis". I did the dumb, ego-centric things a single 24 year old can do. (Did I mention the young lady I went on a couple of dates with and would leave 5-7 minute rambly messages on my voicemail which I'd play for my friends to our amusement? Or supplying liquor to a couple of Luthern College minors at the behest of my ex-girlfriend only to have them get so loaded we needed to pull over 6 x's so they could heave all over the freeway? All decisions aren't the best decisions)
The year has a bit of a head start on me, but I'm feeling cautiously optimistic. You know? I landed a show up in Bemidji/Brainerd/Egypt. I'm driving a new vehicle. I've been steadily dating a really great gal. I have plans to start getting my hands dirty, really dirty again on the house. Shit that I know I've profrasstrinated on for too long. (Heck, I've even started the minor douche-y stuff around the lawn like cleaning debris.) I'm auditioning next week at the BNW for their performance class, something that I've always had in my periphery but never went after. (Oh, how dad...and Ry-Gonn for that matter used to pester me to do it.) I'm running a 10K then a 1/2 marathon. I've kiboshed (moooostly. Please don't begrudge a man for needing a beer after a really shite day) alcohol for Lent.
So maybe that's all the year of the Tiger is, right? The ability to actualize and create your own path by your own hand.
Shoot.
I might have to sit down with my copy of "The Path of Least Resistance" again...
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Suck it, Winter!!!
Wheee, Doggies. Who has two thumbs and hung up his deep winter Columbia Jacket and Overcoat in the basement? This guy. Weather dude sez the warming trend should continue and we've seen the last of negative digits/teens. In spite of the fact that we're 1/3rd of the way through March and we're about 2 HS Tourney's down-I won't hold my breath. (Too many variables in this state, Man.) Still, with my portly childs metabolism I feel confident I can ride out the season with my lighter jackets and gloves. That and the fact that the snow ban has lifted and the snow is receding to the point where I can see green grass again...and my solar walk lights.
And Moda got our seeds in the mail. She's gonna plant'em now so that they'll be ready to transfer to the big pots come the first real thaws. Pip.
So I wanted to take a quick second to say I'm not gonna bore the pants off of you regarding my race training any longer. Or food. (Two central preoccupations of mine, if you haven't already figured that out.) It's been an age since I've blogged a review/recipe I love so I'm gonna start doing that back over at http://hungryhippopotami.wordpress.com/ From there, you'll get reviews, training info (read: What we're eating for race prep) Garden status, New Recipes, and a melange of other tidbits. We welcome fellow foodies, race/marathon enthusiasts to participate with tips/finds/etc. Love it. (ICYC- Notice how one of the last posts is September? Yeah, there've been a few months. Shup. We're busy pants)
So I watched the Oscar ceremony at FeeJ's last Sunday and boy howdy was I pleased as punch. (You would have to have lived in a cave not to have picked Waltz and Mo'Nique for their supporting roles. Fierce, fierce acting) I've frassed about my theory (as does everybody and their sister) on how flawed the Academy judging process is. (Crowe winning for "Gladiator" when "The Insider" was clearly superior, same with Denzel winning for "Training Day"...Hello? "The Hurricane"? Makes ya weep)
Anyway, today's funny- Cracked clearly can posit their Oscar theories more eloquently than I can : http://www.cracked.com/article_18460_5-reasons-oscars-matter-even-less-than-you-thought.html
And Moda got our seeds in the mail. She's gonna plant'em now so that they'll be ready to transfer to the big pots come the first real thaws. Pip.
So I wanted to take a quick second to say I'm not gonna bore the pants off of you regarding my race training any longer. Or food. (Two central preoccupations of mine, if you haven't already figured that out.) It's been an age since I've blogged a review/recipe I love so I'm gonna start doing that back over at http://hungryhippopotami.wordpress.com/ From there, you'll get reviews, training info (read: What we're eating for race prep) Garden status, New Recipes, and a melange of other tidbits. We welcome fellow foodies, race/marathon enthusiasts to participate with tips/finds/etc. Love it. (ICYC- Notice how one of the last posts is September? Yeah, there've been a few months. Shup. We're busy pants)
So I watched the Oscar ceremony at FeeJ's last Sunday and boy howdy was I pleased as punch. (You would have to have lived in a cave not to have picked Waltz and Mo'Nique for their supporting roles. Fierce, fierce acting) I've frassed about my theory (as does everybody and their sister) on how flawed the Academy judging process is. (Crowe winning for "Gladiator" when "The Insider" was clearly superior, same with Denzel winning for "Training Day"...Hello? "The Hurricane"? Makes ya weep)
Anyway, today's funny- Cracked clearly can posit their Oscar theories more eloquently than I can : http://www.cracked.com/article_18460_5-reasons-oscars-matter-even-less-than-you-thought.html
Monday, March 08, 2010
Day off'd
Good morning, friends. After a jam-packed weekend of dancing, body-wrecking, murder mysterying, IHOP-ing, and Academy Awarding, buddy boy here is taking the day off. That said, Toplessrobot.com directed me to two of the coolest things ever. The first, is the newest "Iron Man 2" trailer which will, in fact, own you. The commercial alone won the "best commercial" award. Before you were even born. (I'll let y'all look it up. Sufficed to say, it is pretty cool) The second? Sometimes you just happen upon...something. That resonates with your soul. Maybe it's a poem. Or a song. A choice at the buffet. Baby hippos. Uh...why are you so weird? Anyway, I'm pretty damn amazed I didn't discover this little gem sooner. It's under 3 minutes of your life you won't have lived to the fullest until you watch it. Oh, and some NSFW language. And "not safe for life" acting. Wow. Holy balls. For your benefit- The greatest action movie ever:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTmSJDyav-A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTmSJDyav-A
Thursday, March 04, 2010
Eating like a senior citizen
I might as well sign up for AARP right now. In the midst of run training, I had these peculiar cravings pop up here and there. Most training manuals will encourage you to carb up ("CAN DO!") but I've been jonesin' for protein. Shrimp, Pickled Herring, Tofu, Buffalo Spiced Chicken Jerkey nuggets. And the last few mornings, in lieu of my 8AM oatmeal...fat free cottage cheese. Sprinkled with Tabasco.
Sick. Out. Buddy.
It reminds me of my first "punch the clock" job I had out of High School. Working at a Senior Care Center as a Nutrition Aide. (Heretoforewith know as "Kitchen B#tch") It seems Nursing Homes run in the family. Mom is an RN at a NE Mpls facility. One of RSvP's 1st jobs was at the neighborhood Care Center. (Can I tell the story? Okay, so he was "let go", right? He was supposed to be on PA detail to announce dinner to the residents. Except smartie pants says "Could the inmates please report to the cafeteria". I could never tell if dad was pissed or pleased. He seemed a healthy mix of both)
Anyway, the job sucked. And I ran the gamut of injuries. I pulled a basket of hot coffee that hadn't steeped fully on top of my head like I was on a Nickolodeon kids show. I developed a latex allergy from the gloves we were required to wear. (I thought I had leprosy. I took a 3 month sabbatical when I went to work at the "G" and the itchy flaking went away. So, I'd put on a pair of vinyl gloves with latex overs. Smart, I am) Hot steam in the face. Forks in the palm when cleaning off the trays. Toes ran over by huge food carts. It sucked.
What didn't suck? The food. Which we weren't supposed to (by law) eat. But we did. And because it was food for the residents (Heretoforewith referred to as "Sassy Seniors") it was Luh-HOADED with calories. Seriously. Read the side of a Lorna Doone package. Nobody eats that shit except for the Sassy Seniors. One cookie is made with 2 sticks of butter, half a tub of Crisco, and Sugar. Served with an Ensure, you're guaranteed 3,500 calories in one cookie and can!
Our prime targets to sneak the meals were usually: Cheesecake (Lord. I think I inhaled an entire cake within 15 minutes) Fettucine Alfredo, Meatloaf, Chicken Piccata, and Lasagna. We'd scan the weekly menu. You learned when to skip dinner so that you could gorge.
The things we hated? Liver. (And the smell doesn't leave you until you've burned your clothes and bathed in ammonia) And the dreaded lunch prep. Which meant plopping a scoop of jello (Hi-Cal-Jel. One cup had 1,000 calories) pudding (Why I will never eat the filthy stuff, ever again) yogurt (From a gallon jug) annnnnd my favorite: Cottage Cheese.
Which is why it baffles the hell out of me why I'd crave it. After dinner last weekend, Mom and I hit TJ's for snacks. And what'd I get? Fat Free Cottage Cheese. Which is now gone as of Wednesday.
What the hell? Am I pregnant?
Anyway, to celebrate my crappy haircut I received about 3 weeks ago and shows no signs of growing back (For real. I'm scared. I need a pompadour by June) and the cute hair that Moda sports in her latest show. (Go see it. Laugh. And tell your friends. http://www.mixedblood.com/mainstage/somebodynobody/) Well, let's all talk about my new haircut- (Warning- Language NSFW. Definite signs of Douchebaggery.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JMOh-cul6M
Sick. Out. Buddy.
It reminds me of my first "punch the clock" job I had out of High School. Working at a Senior Care Center as a Nutrition Aide. (Heretoforewith know as "Kitchen B#tch") It seems Nursing Homes run in the family. Mom is an RN at a NE Mpls facility. One of RSvP's 1st jobs was at the neighborhood Care Center. (Can I tell the story? Okay, so he was "let go", right? He was supposed to be on PA detail to announce dinner to the residents. Except smartie pants says "Could the inmates please report to the cafeteria". I could never tell if dad was pissed or pleased. He seemed a healthy mix of both)
Anyway, the job sucked. And I ran the gamut of injuries. I pulled a basket of hot coffee that hadn't steeped fully on top of my head like I was on a Nickolodeon kids show. I developed a latex allergy from the gloves we were required to wear. (I thought I had leprosy. I took a 3 month sabbatical when I went to work at the "G" and the itchy flaking went away. So, I'd put on a pair of vinyl gloves with latex overs. Smart, I am) Hot steam in the face. Forks in the palm when cleaning off the trays. Toes ran over by huge food carts. It sucked.
What didn't suck? The food. Which we weren't supposed to (by law) eat. But we did. And because it was food for the residents (Heretoforewith referred to as "Sassy Seniors") it was Luh-HOADED with calories. Seriously. Read the side of a Lorna Doone package. Nobody eats that shit except for the Sassy Seniors. One cookie is made with 2 sticks of butter, half a tub of Crisco, and Sugar. Served with an Ensure, you're guaranteed 3,500 calories in one cookie and can!
Our prime targets to sneak the meals were usually: Cheesecake (Lord. I think I inhaled an entire cake within 15 minutes) Fettucine Alfredo, Meatloaf, Chicken Piccata, and Lasagna. We'd scan the weekly menu. You learned when to skip dinner so that you could gorge.
The things we hated? Liver. (And the smell doesn't leave you until you've burned your clothes and bathed in ammonia) And the dreaded lunch prep. Which meant plopping a scoop of jello (Hi-Cal-Jel. One cup had 1,000 calories) pudding (Why I will never eat the filthy stuff, ever again) yogurt (From a gallon jug) annnnnd my favorite: Cottage Cheese.
Which is why it baffles the hell out of me why I'd crave it. After dinner last weekend, Mom and I hit TJ's for snacks. And what'd I get? Fat Free Cottage Cheese. Which is now gone as of Wednesday.
What the hell? Am I pregnant?
Anyway, to celebrate my crappy haircut I received about 3 weeks ago and shows no signs of growing back (For real. I'm scared. I need a pompadour by June) and the cute hair that Moda sports in her latest show. (Go see it. Laugh. And tell your friends. http://www.mixedblood.com/mainstage/somebodynobody/) Well, let's all talk about my new haircut- (Warning- Language NSFW. Definite signs of Douchebaggery.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JMOh-cul6M
Friday, February 26, 2010
The kid (adult) who played "Boner" Stabone on "Growing Pains" was found dead in a park in Vancouver. His old man was Walter Koenig who originated the role of "Chekov" on Star Trek.
http://www.usatoday.com/sports/olympics/vancouver/2010-02-25-andrew-koenig-body-found_N.htm?csp=hf
The article, kinda broke my heart. Depression is kind of a hot button topic for me as it is, having lost two buddies within a matter of a month and a half to suicide. [i] "If you learn anything from this," Koenig said, directing his comments to those who also suffer from depression, "there are people out there who care." "In his pain," Judith Koenig said, "he didn't realize help was available to him."[/i]
http://www.usatoday.com/sports/olympics/vancouver/2010-02-25-andrew-koenig-body-found_N.htm?csp=hf
The article, kinda broke my heart. Depression is kind of a hot button topic for me as it is, having lost two buddies within a matter of a month and a half to suicide. [i] "If you learn anything from this," Koenig said, directing his comments to those who also suffer from depression, "there are people out there who care." "In his pain," Judith Koenig said, "he didn't realize help was available to him."[/i]
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Technology is scary
I found this story kind of interesting.
A few weeks ago, a temp co-worker of mine told me that he and his girlfriend met another couple downtown for drinks. They split up at the end of the night and his buddy + fiancee were walking home across the Henn. Ave bridge toward Riverplace when a guy on a bike stole her purse. They reported it, but the cops said there was probably nothing they'd be able to do. Now, the couple had recently purchased a set of those new fangle GPS cell phones and for a lark decided to see if they could locate her phone on the web.
And they did. South Minneapolis residence.
So they called the cops. Cops said "Sorry. Can't help you." So he calls up my co-worker and they go to the dudes house. In the foyer, they saw the bike. (I guess it was a yellow mountain bike) And they knocked on the door. They asked the guy that answered if he knew of any stolen property and (of course) he said he had no idea what they were talking about. They told them they had traced the purse to this location using the GPS and they'd be happy to call the police to inform them and he still (of course) balked. They thanked him and left.
Annnnd from their truck around the corner, on his GPS, a neat little signal left the front of the property they were just at as they watched him walk around the corner and leave. A little while later, they traced the phone to an alley and found it in an upturned recycling bin. Another call to the cops to confirm their suspicions and again, the officer said there was nothing they could do. So the fiancee' did the only sensible thing, she wrote the press.
And good old KARE 11 jumped on it. http://www.kare11.com/news/news_article.aspx?storyid=842648
(ps- I don't condone the confrontation, as the cops were very right in saying it could turned into a potentially dangerous situation. I just thought this was cool how the GPS was kind of like a Spider-Tracer. I also still think it's f#cked up that any cell phone users can be found. Spooky) +
***UPDATE***
Said co-worker told me this morning that the PO-lice are launching an investigation into the home and individual residing there in relation to potential criminal activities. Which I'm certain has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that this story received media coverage.
Nothing at all.
A few weeks ago, a temp co-worker of mine told me that he and his girlfriend met another couple downtown for drinks. They split up at the end of the night and his buddy + fiancee were walking home across the Henn. Ave bridge toward Riverplace when a guy on a bike stole her purse. They reported it, but the cops said there was probably nothing they'd be able to do. Now, the couple had recently purchased a set of those new fangle GPS cell phones and for a lark decided to see if they could locate her phone on the web.
And they did. South Minneapolis residence.
So they called the cops. Cops said "Sorry. Can't help you." So he calls up my co-worker and they go to the dudes house. In the foyer, they saw the bike. (I guess it was a yellow mountain bike) And they knocked on the door. They asked the guy that answered if he knew of any stolen property and (of course) he said he had no idea what they were talking about. They told them they had traced the purse to this location using the GPS and they'd be happy to call the police to inform them and he still (of course) balked. They thanked him and left.
Annnnd from their truck around the corner, on his GPS, a neat little signal left the front of the property they were just at as they watched him walk around the corner and leave. A little while later, they traced the phone to an alley and found it in an upturned recycling bin. Another call to the cops to confirm their suspicions and again, the officer said there was nothing they could do. So the fiancee' did the only sensible thing, she wrote the press.
And good old KARE 11 jumped on it. http://www.kare11.com/news/news_article.aspx?storyid=842648
(ps- I don't condone the confrontation, as the cops were very right in saying it could turned into a potentially dangerous situation. I just thought this was cool how the GPS was kind of like a Spider-Tracer. I also still think it's f#cked up that any cell phone users can be found. Spooky) +
***UPDATE***
Said co-worker told me this morning that the PO-lice are launching an investigation into the home and individual residing there in relation to potential criminal activities. Which I'm certain has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that this story received media coverage.
Nothing at all.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Lent, Lending, Loaned
(Semi-retraction: You know that Optimistic Ollie post from yesterday? The one how "Snow isn't gonna defeat me, no sir or ma'am!" Yeah, well...ask me if I feel the same way during the always faithful wet mushy snow storms that hit in March during the High School tourneys. I'm start b#tching, again, and y'all are gonna be like "Hey P- Want us to pass the ketchup? Sure you don't want anything for those words?!?!" 'Cause, like...I'm gonna eat my, you know? Shut up. Just shut up.)
Soooooo...Moda has just informed me that she's giving up cheese for Lent. (Who she's Lending her cheese to is a mystery. It's my understanding that the Lord was more of a pescatarian and possibly lactose intolerant) Personally, and not that I'm doubting her resolve (as this isn't a Cathololic practice per se, rather using the Lenten period of 40 days as an experiement) For my part, I will eat her cheese and do my best to not order Luce' or make fondue. Won't. What I might try is 86'ing alcohol for the similar period. If my big brother can do it for the duration of his wife's two pregnancies then I figure I should be good to go. Maybe. What about recipes? My GOD!!!
She (The crazy one. The one giving up, I mean COME ON!?!? CHEESE! This is the woman who is on a first name basis with the cheese counter employee's at Lunds!) Anyway, she enrolled in her first 1/2 marathon (I'd do the same, but I'm waiting on my meager tax return) The both of us are already upping the number of minutes/mileage on the treadmill and we might even partake in the training club that preps for the race starting in April. At any rate, cutting out booze will hopefully benefit training. I think.
I mean...beer. You know? It's delicious. And the Lord put back a pint or two of veeno.
Sheesh.
So, today's fun-fun-funny theme will be sports/training minded. And you all, all two of you readers, will be offering me moral encouragement.
CAN YOU RUN FASTER THAN KENYANS?!?!?! And when God gives you lemons you FIND A NEW GOD!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs
and part 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-3qncy5Qfk
Soooooo...Moda has just informed me that she's giving up cheese for Lent. (Who she's Lending her cheese to is a mystery. It's my understanding that the Lord was more of a pescatarian and possibly lactose intolerant) Personally, and not that I'm doubting her resolve (as this isn't a Cathololic practice per se, rather using the Lenten period of 40 days as an experiement) For my part, I will eat her cheese and do my best to not order Luce' or make fondue. Won't. What I might try is 86'ing alcohol for the similar period. If my big brother can do it for the duration of his wife's two pregnancies then I figure I should be good to go. Maybe. What about recipes? My GOD!!!
She (The crazy one. The one giving up, I mean COME ON!?!? CHEESE! This is the woman who is on a first name basis with the cheese counter employee's at Lunds!) Anyway, she enrolled in her first 1/2 marathon (I'd do the same, but I'm waiting on my meager tax return) The both of us are already upping the number of minutes/mileage on the treadmill and we might even partake in the training club that preps for the race starting in April. At any rate, cutting out booze will hopefully benefit training. I think.
I mean...beer. You know? It's delicious. And the Lord put back a pint or two of veeno.
Sheesh.
So, today's fun-fun-funny theme will be sports/training minded. And you all, all two of you readers, will be offering me moral encouragement.
CAN YOU RUN FASTER THAN KENYANS?!?!?! And when God gives you lemons you FIND A NEW GOD!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs
and part 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-3qncy5Qfk
This kinda makes me happy
Moda and I checked this place out a few months back. It's right around the corner from my place and the food is excellent for such a non-descript building. I'm hoping to get back for dinner some time. (We hit the weekend brunch)
http://www.citypages.com/2010-02-17/restaurants/chimborazo-and-cocina-latina-showcase-ecuador-s-hearty-fare/
http://www.citypages.com/2010-02-17/restaurants/chimborazo-and-cocina-latina-showcase-ecuador-s-hearty-fare/
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Kicking winter in the face.
You know, since enacting the parking ban in Mipples I've been missing "my" spot in front of my house. Of course it's enacted the first time the "even" side of the street is clear. It's just...so pristine. There was one a$$hole who parked there though. The day of the ban, this enormous Toyota SUV planted itself in front of my house. After a few days, my roommate and I bumped into each other in the morning he RAILED against winter and the aforementioned A-hole- going so far as to threaten calling 9-1-1. (I asked him to please not)
We had yet another snowfall overnight on V-Day and when I woke up early to shovel the walk and brush off Moda and the Bean's respective vehicles there was the behemoth under a mound of snow. So sneaky bastard that I am, I walked over and in big block letters on the driver side window I wrote "ILLEGAL". Sure as s#it when I got home? Gone. Yeeeeah b#tches.
The weather has mellowed a bit which for mid-February is doing awesome things for my mood. On my way around the block the other night to meet Moda @Wilde Roast for dinner I made the resolution to not let the frakkin' winter get to me anymore. Refuse. So I went in the back yard the next day (I was home sick) and trunched out to the back yard where a couple of widowmaker icicles had been bugging me since I first saw them. (Huge, they were. At least 4.5 feet long. And reminded me of an old "Peanuts" cartoon where Snoopy was trapped in his dog house for fear of a widowmaker falling if he made a false move. He eventually did, of course, when Charlie Brown called him for supper. The destruction of his dog house/imaginary Sopwith Camel bi-plane was a small price to pay for congealed Alpo served by a prematurely bald 2nd grader who only owns one shirt.)
Anyway, instead of breaking off they actually slid off with little or no finesse- Clearing the gutter and keeping the shingles in tact. Score.
So a list of Spring/Summer projects is already coming to mind, including new blow-in insulation to help with the chilly main-level discrepancy. Lists of recipes to cook, restaurants to try, things to plant. (I was decluttering this weekend and found the 2010 garden plot)
Yeah. I might be poor. I may end up spending part of June in Bemidji. But dammit...I will be productive.
For your enjoyment, my two favorite Auto-Tune the Newses. (Watch all of'em if you can. They're pretty dang funny)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dqTrUpmwPg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCCuOrRzoSc
We had yet another snowfall overnight on V-Day and when I woke up early to shovel the walk and brush off Moda and the Bean's respective vehicles there was the behemoth under a mound of snow. So sneaky bastard that I am, I walked over and in big block letters on the driver side window I wrote "ILLEGAL". Sure as s#it when I got home? Gone. Yeeeeah b#tches.
The weather has mellowed a bit which for mid-February is doing awesome things for my mood. On my way around the block the other night to meet Moda @Wilde Roast for dinner I made the resolution to not let the frakkin' winter get to me anymore. Refuse. So I went in the back yard the next day (I was home sick) and trunched out to the back yard where a couple of widowmaker icicles had been bugging me since I first saw them. (Huge, they were. At least 4.5 feet long. And reminded me of an old "Peanuts" cartoon where Snoopy was trapped in his dog house for fear of a widowmaker falling if he made a false move. He eventually did, of course, when Charlie Brown called him for supper. The destruction of his dog house/imaginary Sopwith Camel bi-plane was a small price to pay for congealed Alpo served by a prematurely bald 2nd grader who only owns one shirt.)
Anyway, instead of breaking off they actually slid off with little or no finesse- Clearing the gutter and keeping the shingles in tact. Score.
So a list of Spring/Summer projects is already coming to mind, including new blow-in insulation to help with the chilly main-level discrepancy. Lists of recipes to cook, restaurants to try, things to plant. (I was decluttering this weekend and found the 2010 garden plot)
Yeah. I might be poor. I may end up spending part of June in Bemidji. But dammit...I will be productive.
For your enjoyment, my two favorite Auto-Tune the Newses. (Watch all of'em if you can. They're pretty dang funny)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dqTrUpmwPg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCCuOrRzoSc
Friday, February 12, 2010
Million Dollar Idea/Spreading the awkwardness
With the driving snow this messy, awful winter without end (and really? We've had frack all bad winters for the last 4 years. '06/'07/'08 were all ridiculously cold and managed to hold on into April. '09 we managed to really never escape winter until August. A few lousy days in August.) has got folks in a righteous funk. Yesterday I woke up to a dry erase board that had a tirade against the winter written by my roommate and he was no sooner downstairs than he was full of piss and vinegar against (Insert winter insanity here: Other drivers, people who are parking on the "even" side during our citywide parking ban, below zero temps, etc.)
My current problem is the pothole situation, which seems to have grown arguably worse this year in Mipples. For example, there's one on the intersection of 18th and Johnson that seems like someone left a manhole uncovered. And on my way to the office, there's a gash that runs almost straight across the street. Practically unavoidable. (I'll refrain from describing the minefield which lies in front of the Walker about the area of the Henn/Lyn split, but it's a dooze)
My million dollar idea, was that wouldn't it be great if someone could find an expanding filler-just to get us through winter- that had a non-toxic liquid agent that could be applied when the weather improved which would then dissolve it. Freeing the pothole to be filled with patch.
Genius, right? I know, I know...they already have something that'd work. It's callled "sand".
The warm fuzzies continue today with another website I enjoy frequenting: Awkward Family Photo's. (This too, is a dooze. And makes me laugh almost every time)
(*The above awkward photo was taken in 1987 in Cody, WY. I kept the more scandalous one of RSvP and I where he's wearing a crop-top with short-shorts and the fedora. For my part, my fashion sense was highly motivated by the mighty "jams". I probably had 5-6 pair with matching tank top. All the better to accentuate mah belleh!)
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
That's more like it...
The plows came through, and for the first time since early December I can park reasonably close to the curb in front of my house. This is all spectacular until I found out the city of Mipples has declared a parking BAN on the even side of the street (where you live) until---wait for it---APRIL!!! (Or the first significant thaw. Regardless)
Today's smile inducing video is brought to you by the letter "Dolph". I was a true cold war kid, and in my mind nothing really captures the fervor we as a nation shared in kickin' commie Russky butt than in our celluloid fantasies. "Red Dawn", "Spies Like Us", "No Way Out", even "Yakov Smirnov in Concert" were all ways we could, as a country, feel like we were stemming the tide of communism. And it felt GOOD! RAHHHH!!! And nothing, I mean nothing encapsulated that pro-USA-Soviet-butt-kicking mania than "Rocky wha?" Nooooo, "Rocky IV".
(Many film scholars may argue that the 1st Rocky, being as it was a true "indie" film which garnered praise from many at the Academy, is the best in the series. With the most recent "Rocky Balboa" capturing the essence of the first film, the heart of the first film.
Other, smarter, individuals will clearly cry "THREE" as the winner of the franchise- acting as both a mainstream impetus to bring professional Wrestling back into the spotlight and birthed a generation of mohawked fool-pitiers. And a sweet soundtrack by "Survivor".)
For my part, both of them would be pretty close. "Rocky IV" though? Forget Mickey, yo. He lost Apollo! While he and James Brown looked on impotently. And he beat the steroid pumping spikey blonde behemoth who towered at least 6 feet over Rocky! And he had state of the art training facilities while Rocky had a barn. A BARN! And he WON! And he got Brigitte Nielsen out of the deal...at least until after the movie "Cobra" wrapped.
So yeah. Dolph. Total bad-ass. And we read up on this guy. And it turns out acting was some sort of back up plan. He was a world-class tournament winning karate practitioner (See "Showdown in Little Tokyo" for reference and co-starring a very young Brandon Lee) which we were like "Duh" yeah. He's big and he can FIGHT!
But this yahoo is apparently a genius. Literally. Like, PhD from Smorgenborgen University in advanced Hoo-Ha Scientificity Rim-Ram. (Blah. Read about the guy here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dolph_Lundgren)
So yeah. Watch this guy. I think my brain just exploded. He can now add "Singer/Dancer/Drummer" to his already impressive resume of "Actor/Martial Artist/Master's in Chemical Engineering/Olympic Pentathelete Activist-Coordinator".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHtatY7bOUY
Today's smile inducing video is brought to you by the letter "Dolph". I was a true cold war kid, and in my mind nothing really captures the fervor we as a nation shared in kickin' commie Russky butt than in our celluloid fantasies. "Red Dawn", "Spies Like Us", "No Way Out", even "Yakov Smirnov in Concert" were all ways we could, as a country, feel like we were stemming the tide of communism. And it felt GOOD! RAHHHH!!! And nothing, I mean nothing encapsulated that pro-USA-Soviet-butt-kicking mania than "Rocky wha?" Nooooo, "Rocky IV".
(Many film scholars may argue that the 1st Rocky, being as it was a true "indie" film which garnered praise from many at the Academy, is the best in the series. With the most recent "Rocky Balboa" capturing the essence of the first film, the heart of the first film.
Other, smarter, individuals will clearly cry "THREE" as the winner of the franchise- acting as both a mainstream impetus to bring professional Wrestling back into the spotlight and birthed a generation of mohawked fool-pitiers. And a sweet soundtrack by "Survivor".)
For my part, both of them would be pretty close. "Rocky IV" though? Forget Mickey, yo. He lost Apollo! While he and James Brown looked on impotently. And he beat the steroid pumping spikey blonde behemoth who towered at least 6 feet over Rocky! And he had state of the art training facilities while Rocky had a barn. A BARN! And he WON! And he got Brigitte Nielsen out of the deal...at least until after the movie "Cobra" wrapped.
So yeah. Dolph. Total bad-ass. And we read up on this guy. And it turns out acting was some sort of back up plan. He was a world-class tournament winning karate practitioner (See "Showdown in Little Tokyo" for reference and co-starring a very young Brandon Lee) which we were like "Duh" yeah. He's big and he can FIGHT!
But this yahoo is apparently a genius. Literally. Like, PhD from Smorgenborgen University in advanced Hoo-Ha Scientificity Rim-Ram. (Blah. Read about the guy here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dolph_Lundgren)
So yeah. Watch this guy. I think my brain just exploded. He can now add "Singer/Dancer/Drummer" to his already impressive resume of "Actor/Martial Artist/Master's in Chemical Engineering/Olympic Pentathelete Activist-Coordinator".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHtatY7bOUY
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
We've arrived
Mid-February. As timing goes, this is about the point during the winter I want to give Mother Nature the finger. The winter wonderland is no longer charming. The biting cold. The lack of traction...grrr.
In the last 48 hours, I've shovelled my walkway 4 times. I've seen how the neighbor at the corner of the street conspicuously plows, almost deliberately mind you, from the corner to the two houses next store and then STOPS right before mine. On Caturday, after an eventful decluttering/house cleaning day I decided to get the last vestiges of snow off the walk (marking shovel-fest #5) before the temps started dropping. Welll, lo and behold when I went to my car the city plows must have came through and pushed an icy barrier around my ride. (And with the temps falling, these formerly slushy gray hockey pucks froze solid) So I chipped and shoveled and miraculously didn't fall but miraculously put out my lower back. (Getting in and out of the car was fun) and discovered I have little traction going up the slick hills which permeate my neighborhood.
Grrr. WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS?!?!?
So I'm changing tactics on my blog for a while. I refuse to let this weather bring me down and plan on focusing on the positive. (And not March's reliable 3 weekends of winter storms which always happen during the State High School Sports Tourney's) I will be posting funny links etc. that always manage to make me laugh starting with this gem Moda found and posted on Frassbook. You...you know you've wanted to learn how to do this:
Cat Massage
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnZhi5gaX8g&feature=autofb
In the last 48 hours, I've shovelled my walkway 4 times. I've seen how the neighbor at the corner of the street conspicuously plows, almost deliberately mind you, from the corner to the two houses next store and then STOPS right before mine. On Caturday, after an eventful decluttering/house cleaning day I decided to get the last vestiges of snow off the walk (marking shovel-fest #5) before the temps started dropping. Welll, lo and behold when I went to my car the city plows must have came through and pushed an icy barrier around my ride. (And with the temps falling, these formerly slushy gray hockey pucks froze solid) So I chipped and shoveled and miraculously didn't fall but miraculously put out my lower back. (Getting in and out of the car was fun) and discovered I have little traction going up the slick hills which permeate my neighborhood.
Grrr. WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS?!?!?
So I'm changing tactics on my blog for a while. I refuse to let this weather bring me down and plan on focusing on the positive. (And not March's reliable 3 weekends of winter storms which always happen during the State High School Sports Tourney's) I will be posting funny links etc. that always manage to make me laugh starting with this gem Moda found and posted on Frassbook. You...you know you've wanted to learn how to do this:
Cat Massage
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnZhi5gaX8g&feature=autofb
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
It's chilly...time for chili...
I'm a good cook.
No no...it's true. I was going to start a cooking show called "The Cathartic Gourmet" (This was after a dissolution of an old relationship where I told a friend that I lose a lot of weight when I go through break-ups and he told me that he ends up cooking. A lot. I dunno...I just a funny image of a guy with flour all over his face and tears streaming down while using a tenderizing meat hammer to reduce a chicken breast to crepe' size while preparing chicken piccata. What? It's how the gears spin.) I'm kidding. If Moda weren't around and left to my own devices I'd probably be living off of Boca, or home made bean burritos. Or pestering Redwright for dinner like a needy dog scratching to get in.
So here I have amassed a few impressive (and impressive looking) kitchen tools, but the one I always seem to get mileage out of and retain my laissez faire attitude toward preparation (i.e. I'm lazy) is my crock pot. So here's an easy veggie chili recipe to stave off the bone numbing MN chill that I learned about 4-5 years ago and have been steadily making my own subtle improvements on. (2 caveats- First? I don't ususually dig manhandling the beef, dig? I can grill stuff pre-made in patty format, but yeargh. I keep thinking I'll find a hair. And even if you are omnivorous it still tastes fine. And is healthy. The 2nd caveat is there is a sort of punch line at the end of all this. Oh, wait...3rd caveat? I've only made chili. One of these days I'll make "Plop Plop Chicken", I promise, but if you have any additional recipes on hand I'll take'em.)
Easy-Make Vegetarian Chili, for glorious doi!
Ingredients:
-24 oz can of petite diced tomato
-4 cans of assorted beans (Black beans, white kidney, dark red kidney, hot chili beans, etc)
-1/2 package of Morningstar veggie crumbles
-1/2 large onion chopped
-2 tbsps chili powder 2 tbsps cumin powder 1 tbsps cinnamon
-1 cup of beer *
-4 tbsps olive oil (2 for the pot, 2 for the pan)
-Splash of red wine, Splashes of Tabasco
-NEW INGREDIENTS AS OF 1/25/2010----1 small can diced tomatoes and 1 can extra beans.**
Sautee' onion in pan w/olive oil until onions start to get a little transluscent then add the splash of wine*** to get the good smells going. Add the crumbles and allow to defrost adequetly but not get "browned" ****
Add 2 tbsps of olive oil to the crock pot, then add drained beans and diced tomato. (Draining will prevent a soupier chili*****) Add seasonings, crumbles/onion mixture, and beer. Mix Mix, Stir Stir, Married Young, it's all a blur. Leave it alone for several hours, checking and stirring periodically. (Or high for less time) Makes 8-10 servings depending on how gassy you mind being. Feel free to store it in tupperware in your fridge/freezer for easy lunches.
*Clearly my cooking options need to serve as a vehicle to cocktail, as you are able to finish the beer. Creating a relaxing atmosphere helps to make the sensual experience of cooking a memorable one. Clearly.
**So, um...You gotta, like, test the chili. Periodically. And if you have a "helper" that may need to try it you'll notice a marked reduction in how much chili you have. Tossing in an extra can will help replenish. Doi.
***Early FAIL #1? I'd brown Boca patties on the stove top and break them up. Y0u know. Like it was "real" hamburger. It wasn't until I was introduced to the Morningstar crumbles that I sidestepped that. (And get Boca crumbles if that's your thing) Oddly enough, my roommate preferred that method. Not oddly if you know my roommate. Sauteeing the chopped onion was another
****Clearly. I'll see if a future foray into pasta with a vodka sauce just winds up degenerating into a martini party.
*****Early FAIL #2? I didn't drain the cans and used a whole can of beer. And added chopped cilantro. It winded up looking like a bubbly, beany, soupy stew. I heard tell that corn starch would thicken it up a bit so I kept adding and stirring until the consistency got better...then left it.
It wound up the consistency of drying kindergarden paste. That was the year I ruined the Super Bowl.
ps- I tend to eyeball the chili powder/Tabasco etc. The measurements...for what their worth...are kind of malarkey.
No no...it's true. I was going to start a cooking show called "The Cathartic Gourmet" (This was after a dissolution of an old relationship where I told a friend that I lose a lot of weight when I go through break-ups and he told me that he ends up cooking. A lot. I dunno...I just a funny image of a guy with flour all over his face and tears streaming down while using a tenderizing meat hammer to reduce a chicken breast to crepe' size while preparing chicken piccata. What? It's how the gears spin.) I'm kidding. If Moda weren't around and left to my own devices I'd probably be living off of Boca, or home made bean burritos. Or pestering Redwright for dinner like a needy dog scratching to get in.
So here I have amassed a few impressive (and impressive looking) kitchen tools, but the one I always seem to get mileage out of and retain my laissez faire attitude toward preparation (i.e. I'm lazy) is my crock pot. So here's an easy veggie chili recipe to stave off the bone numbing MN chill that I learned about 4-5 years ago and have been steadily making my own subtle improvements on. (2 caveats- First? I don't ususually dig manhandling the beef, dig? I can grill stuff pre-made in patty format, but yeargh. I keep thinking I'll find a hair. And even if you are omnivorous it still tastes fine. And is healthy. The 2nd caveat is there is a sort of punch line at the end of all this. Oh, wait...3rd caveat? I've only made chili. One of these days I'll make "Plop Plop Chicken", I promise, but if you have any additional recipes on hand I'll take'em.)
Easy-Make Vegetarian Chili, for glorious doi!
Ingredients:
-24 oz can of petite diced tomato
-4 cans of assorted beans (Black beans, white kidney, dark red kidney, hot chili beans, etc)
-1/2 package of Morningstar veggie crumbles
-1/2 large onion chopped
-2 tbsps chili powder 2 tbsps cumin powder 1 tbsps cinnamon
-1 cup of beer *
-4 tbsps olive oil (2 for the pot, 2 for the pan)
-Splash of red wine, Splashes of Tabasco
-NEW INGREDIENTS AS OF 1/25/2010----1 small can diced tomatoes and 1 can extra beans.**
Sautee' onion in pan w/olive oil until onions start to get a little transluscent then add the splash of wine*** to get the good smells going. Add the crumbles and allow to defrost adequetly but not get "browned" ****
Add 2 tbsps of olive oil to the crock pot, then add drained beans and diced tomato. (Draining will prevent a soupier chili*****) Add seasonings, crumbles/onion mixture, and beer. Mix Mix, Stir Stir, Married Young, it's all a blur. Leave it alone for several hours, checking and stirring periodically. (Or high for less time) Makes 8-10 servings depending on how gassy you mind being. Feel free to store it in tupperware in your fridge/freezer for easy lunches.
*Clearly my cooking options need to serve as a vehicle to cocktail, as you are able to finish the beer. Creating a relaxing atmosphere helps to make the sensual experience of cooking a memorable one. Clearly.
**So, um...You gotta, like, test the chili. Periodically. And if you have a "helper" that may need to try it you'll notice a marked reduction in how much chili you have. Tossing in an extra can will help replenish. Doi.
***Early FAIL #1? I'd brown Boca patties on the stove top and break them up. Y0u know. Like it was "real" hamburger. It wasn't until I was introduced to the Morningstar crumbles that I sidestepped that. (And get Boca crumbles if that's your thing) Oddly enough, my roommate preferred that method. Not oddly if you know my roommate. Sauteeing the chopped onion was another
****Clearly. I'll see if a future foray into pasta with a vodka sauce just winds up degenerating into a martini party.
*****Early FAIL #2? I didn't drain the cans and used a whole can of beer. And added chopped cilantro. It winded up looking like a bubbly, beany, soupy stew. I heard tell that corn starch would thicken it up a bit so I kept adding and stirring until the consistency got better...then left it.
It wound up the consistency of drying kindergarden paste. That was the year I ruined the Super Bowl.
ps- I tend to eyeball the chili powder/Tabasco etc. The measurements...for what their worth...are kind of malarkey.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Fun at the Carnivale'...
So we've just finished season 1 of "Big Love" and have started season 2 of "Carnivale'". I like the latter a little more than the former ("BL" seems to have an epic-assed story arc while the creepy supernatural vibe of "C" appeals to my nerdliness. That and the fact that Kurgan is playing Brother Justin) I think they do a good job with keeping the period accurate as well- (Save for the fact that I noticed when someone was opening a letter it had the little plastic front for the address. ANACHRONISM'D!)
But last night they had a hum-dinger of a contrivance that couldn't help make me laugh. Sampson (The lead carny played by the Twin Peaks backwards-walking widgie) already has kind of a shouty way of talking as it is. Well he's here organizing a search party and doing a "roll call" of the rousties to go do the searching when he bellows off some of the most stupidly stereotypical nicknames the writers thought roustabouts in the 30's probably had. ("OKAY LISTEN UP! I'll need Warsh, Tugboat, Sneaky Pete, Asphault, and Jim to come with me!")
Right? It was like having a character named "Brooklyn" in every war movie (Including "The Patriot"...and I'm fairly certain there was a "MacBrooklyn" in "Braveheart") because you gotta have a Brooklyn...usually a corporal, you know?
So we sat there on the couch giggling and rattling off a stream of consiousness of other nicknames carnies and rousties in the 30's might have had.
<---- Nerds
But last night they had a hum-dinger of a contrivance that couldn't help make me laugh. Sampson (The lead carny played by the Twin Peaks backwards-walking widgie) already has kind of a shouty way of talking as it is. Well he's here organizing a search party and doing a "roll call" of the rousties to go do the searching when he bellows off some of the most stupidly stereotypical nicknames the writers thought roustabouts in the 30's probably had. ("OKAY LISTEN UP! I'll need Warsh, Tugboat, Sneaky Pete, Asphault, and Jim to come with me!")
Right? It was like having a character named "Brooklyn" in every war movie (Including "The Patriot"...and I'm fairly certain there was a "MacBrooklyn" in "Braveheart") because you gotta have a Brooklyn...usually a corporal, you know?
So we sat there on the couch giggling and rattling off a stream of consiousness of other nicknames carnies and rousties in the 30's might have had.
<---- Nerds
We geeks get the point...
So, you ever notice that they seem to retell Batman's origin story almost every time they have a new story line come out, or limited series? I mean, Aboriginal villagers in the bush can probably tell you what it is, whether or not they agree with the choice that he was watching the film "Zorro" the night his parents were shot or if he was attending "Die Fledermaus".
I only bring this up b/c I found an old one-shot issue from 2001 that someone gave me as a going away gift at the bottom of my Japanese chest that resides on the foot of my bed...and I crap you not- Origin story. "The Dark Knight Returns"? Origin story. "Batman goes to White Castle"...definitely room for an origin story.
I only bring this up b/c I found an old one-shot issue from 2001 that someone gave me as a going away gift at the bottom of my Japanese chest that resides on the foot of my bed...and I crap you not- Origin story. "The Dark Knight Returns"? Origin story. "Batman goes to White Castle"...definitely room for an origin story.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Never too late to peeeemp your show...
Hey all-
I've been a busy bee this last few weeks cramming lines and rehearsal so I apologize for the delay. If you have nothing to do come see this new work that has got me sweating bullets. As Victor Mancini in "Choke" sez: "I'm the backbone of Colonial America". Right. Back to bullet sweating and line/note reading.
A Candid World
Written by Dawn Brodey
Directed by Ellen Fenster
Featuring Mike Postle, Amy Schweikhardt, Julie Madden, Matt Boatright-Simon, Clarence Wethern, and Nathan Tylutki
John Adams said, "Let me search for the clue which led great Shakespeare into the labyrinth of human nature. Let me examine how men think." Set in a restricted theater in New York, 1776, A Candid World tells the story of a family, a slave, and a country who are all trying to navigate the struggles which accompany independence.
Performance Schedule:
Tuesday, January 19 at 7pm
Friday, January 22 at 7pm
Saturday, January 23 at 7pm
Sunday, January 24 at 7pm
For tickets, call the box office at 612-339-4944
or order online at www.illusiontheater.org.
I've been a busy bee this last few weeks cramming lines and rehearsal so I apologize for the delay. If you have nothing to do come see this new work that has got me sweating bullets. As Victor Mancini in "Choke" sez: "I'm the backbone of Colonial America". Right. Back to bullet sweating and line/note reading.
A Candid World
Written by Dawn Brodey
Directed by Ellen Fenster
Featuring Mike Postle, Amy Schweikhardt, Julie Madden, Matt Boatright-Simon, Clarence Wethern, and Nathan Tylutki
John Adams said, "Let me search for the clue which led great Shakespeare into the labyrinth of human nature. Let me examine how men think." Set in a restricted theater in New York, 1776, A Candid World tells the story of a family, a slave, and a country who are all trying to navigate the struggles which accompany independence.
Performance Schedule:
Tuesday, January 19 at 7pm
Friday, January 22 at 7pm
Saturday, January 23 at 7pm
Sunday, January 24 at 7pm
For tickets, call the box office at 612-339-4944
or order online at www.illusiontheater.org.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
How to party at my house on NYE
(Special love and thanks to Mel over at Thornehouse.blogspot.com for this. Comic gold, AND make sure you make it to #8)
How To Come to a Party at My House
1. Wear whatever you like. Hats, tuxedos, and false beards are all encouraged, separately or together.
2. You really don't have to bring anything. I know it is polite to ask, and I appreciate that politeness, but when I throw a party I am kind of a crazy control freak with the planning so I probably have it all covered. If your mother raised you in such a way that you absolutely cannot arrive empty-handed, wine (hint: I like Pinot Grigio), tulips (hint: I like purple ones), or huge baggies of drugs are always welcome.
3. Say something nice about the food, because I am not always very confident of my domestic abilities.
4. Drink. Mingle. Don't wait to be introduced. Be funny. Here is a list of conversational topics to get you started: your favorite cheeses, why John Madden and Pat Summerall should be worked over with a tire iron, scary things (nuns, clowns, midgets), stuff that sucks, weird sexual things you've done, drug stories (bonus points if they end up with you pantsless in a police station), caber tossing, your favorite Popes in history (I've always enjoyed Pope Clement VI), famous people who you wouldn't mind having as your own personal fuckpuppet (again, Pope Clement VI for me, or maybe Ricky Martin), dinosaurs RRRAAARRR!, whether you believe that the declension in the Western post-Romantic mind from Modernism to Postmodernism can be understood as a shift from epistemological skepticism to ontological skepticism, the fact that a pig has a spiral penis, and the Incredible Hulk's bad haircut (seriously, did his mom cut his hair with a bowl?).
5. Conversational topics to avoid: work (funny stories are fine, but no one wants to hear the details of your spreadsheet wizardry), your gym routine, abortion/gun control/the death penalty/terrorism, what you did or didn't eat today, how everyone lusts after you, the amount of fabulously expensive electronic equipment you own, and platform snobbery (if I even overhear a tiny fragment of the Windows vs Mac vs Linux debate I'll slip a roofie in your drink, I swear). Also, anecdotes about how cute your pets or children are should be limited to five minutes or less.
6. Never, ever, insist that everyone stop drinking, talking, and generally having a good time in order to "play a game." Playing games is fine, if it is that sort of party. Or there can be a subgroup of game players within a larger party. But you are not the Camp Counselor of the party, to be demanding that the partygoers do this or that.
7. Be a Good Drinker: no vomiting, no wanton destruction, no unwanted groping of fellow guests. Dirty jokes, comic antics, flirtation, and slightly slurred stream-of-consciousness blather are encouraged, however. If things do get out of hand, you are welcome to spend the night. I have plenty of couch space.
8. Remember, your hostess sets the tone. So: If I am wobbling about like Dorothy Parker on a bad night, consuming superhuman quantities of gin, kissing just about everyone on the mouth, waving cigarettes around and coming dangerously close to setting you on fire, and cracking wise about all and sundry, that gives you a free license to completely let your hair down. And if at any point I drop into a kung-fu stance that is a very clear signal that all bets are off. (For some reason I tend to make with the martial arts poses when I get very drunk.)
How To Come to a Party at My House
1. Wear whatever you like. Hats, tuxedos, and false beards are all encouraged, separately or together.
2. You really don't have to bring anything. I know it is polite to ask, and I appreciate that politeness, but when I throw a party I am kind of a crazy control freak with the planning so I probably have it all covered. If your mother raised you in such a way that you absolutely cannot arrive empty-handed, wine (hint: I like Pinot Grigio), tulips (hint: I like purple ones), or huge baggies of drugs are always welcome.
3. Say something nice about the food, because I am not always very confident of my domestic abilities.
4. Drink. Mingle. Don't wait to be introduced. Be funny. Here is a list of conversational topics to get you started: your favorite cheeses, why John Madden and Pat Summerall should be worked over with a tire iron, scary things (nuns, clowns, midgets), stuff that sucks, weird sexual things you've done, drug stories (bonus points if they end up with you pantsless in a police station), caber tossing, your favorite Popes in history (I've always enjoyed Pope Clement VI), famous people who you wouldn't mind having as your own personal fuckpuppet (again, Pope Clement VI for me, or maybe Ricky Martin), dinosaurs RRRAAARRR!, whether you believe that the declension in the Western post-Romantic mind from Modernism to Postmodernism can be understood as a shift from epistemological skepticism to ontological skepticism, the fact that a pig has a spiral penis, and the Incredible Hulk's bad haircut (seriously, did his mom cut his hair with a bowl?).
5. Conversational topics to avoid: work (funny stories are fine, but no one wants to hear the details of your spreadsheet wizardry), your gym routine, abortion/gun control/the death penalty/terrorism, what you did or didn't eat today, how everyone lusts after you, the amount of fabulously expensive electronic equipment you own, and platform snobbery (if I even overhear a tiny fragment of the Windows vs Mac vs Linux debate I'll slip a roofie in your drink, I swear). Also, anecdotes about how cute your pets or children are should be limited to five minutes or less.
6. Never, ever, insist that everyone stop drinking, talking, and generally having a good time in order to "play a game." Playing games is fine, if it is that sort of party. Or there can be a subgroup of game players within a larger party. But you are not the Camp Counselor of the party, to be demanding that the partygoers do this or that.
7. Be a Good Drinker: no vomiting, no wanton destruction, no unwanted groping of fellow guests. Dirty jokes, comic antics, flirtation, and slightly slurred stream-of-consciousness blather are encouraged, however. If things do get out of hand, you are welcome to spend the night. I have plenty of couch space.
8. Remember, your hostess sets the tone. So: If I am wobbling about like Dorothy Parker on a bad night, consuming superhuman quantities of gin, kissing just about everyone on the mouth, waving cigarettes around and coming dangerously close to setting you on fire, and cracking wise about all and sundry, that gives you a free license to completely let your hair down. And if at any point I drop into a kung-fu stance that is a very clear signal that all bets are off. (For some reason I tend to make with the martial arts poses when I get very drunk.)
Sunday, December 27, 2009
End of year "Best of" list!
Man. I hate to start this post on a bit of a downer, but 2009 has certainly sucked a great deal. Between losing jobs, dad, and feeling like crapola physically I'm happy to say that putting this decade to bed is a blessing and serving to help me get my butt in gear for a fortuitous year of growth in 2010.
I'm not a fan of "top ten" lists (especially when they start coming out in October/November. Hello? Year ain't done yet, turkeys) but there were some stand out moments/activities in '09 that'd I'd like to give the Christmas baby stamp of approval. Without further ado:
BEST NEW MUSIC FIND(s)-
(I dig on a lot of stuff I hear on the current, but these tunes are catchy and get stuck on ear worm more than I care to count)
Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes "Home"
Gnarls Barkley "Going on"
(Runner up- Metric)
BEST THEATRICAL PRODUCTIONS-
"Caroline, or Change"
"The Mary Tyler Moore Show"
"Beauty and the Beast"
(Runner up- "Hedda Gabler". Think I'm biased? Shup. It was good)
BEST FILM-
"Precious" Hands down, arguably the most affecting movie I saw in 2009.
"Star Trek" (Smart. Smart as hell re-imagining)
(Runner up- "Inglorious Basterds". Affecting, albeit in a completely different way. Oof)
BEST TV SHOWS-
(I'm hamstringing myself here since I don't watch much by way of network TV. I deplore reality shows, and the acronyms that have taken place of titles. "HIMYM"? "SYTYCD"? Dumb. These shows have been out for a minute, and make for great Netflixing nights off)
"Big Love"
"Carnivale"
BEST BOOK-
(While I'm not the book-o-phile Moda is I made a dent in a few choice reads this year. Again, they're a little old but I stand by my assertion that they make damn fine reads)
"The Time Travelers Wife"
"The Year of Living Biblically"
"The Graveyard Book"
BEST NEW RESTAURANT-
(We eat out, doi. And this finding was kind of tough to rate since many of the places we've tried tend to be established restaurans, or "bullet points" that we like to patronize. And since we mostly went to the tried and true joints, I'm feeling forced to post a doofy critique on the newest food venture)
Il Gatto. It ain't Figlio, I won't lie. Figlio is almost less a restaurant and more an institution, and when they announced the closure my reaction was more emotional than anything. And honestly I think that's the mark of a good restaurant. I can recall almost every single one of my visits going back 15-odd years. What has taken its place is a fairly respectable restaurant with a menu that has enough choices to cater to folks like myself who miss the Figlio of old and enough new choices to make it the newest hotspot for Uptown patrons. And while we weren't floored by the experience (too loud, too cramped, and a seafood dish for me that, unfortunately...was a little too brine-y) it was good enough to make me recommend it to friends.
(Runner up- Zeno. This was a one-time deal. We heard that they were having a "one-weekend" special to help drum up interest in their new expanded sushi menu and we capitalized on it. It. Was. Glorious. I can't imagine what the prices will be like since it ended, but for how inexpensive and unbelievably delicious our sushi was I can only give it a thumbs up)
I'm not a fan of "top ten" lists (especially when they start coming out in October/November. Hello? Year ain't done yet, turkeys) but there were some stand out moments/activities in '09 that'd I'd like to give the Christmas baby stamp of approval. Without further ado:
BEST NEW MUSIC FIND(s)-
(I dig on a lot of stuff I hear on the current, but these tunes are catchy and get stuck on ear worm more than I care to count)
Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes "Home"
Gnarls Barkley "Going on"
(Runner up- Metric)
BEST THEATRICAL PRODUCTIONS-
"Caroline, or Change"
"The Mary Tyler Moore Show"
"Beauty and the Beast"
(Runner up- "Hedda Gabler". Think I'm biased? Shup. It was good)
BEST FILM-
"Precious" Hands down, arguably the most affecting movie I saw in 2009.
"Star Trek" (Smart. Smart as hell re-imagining)
(Runner up- "Inglorious Basterds". Affecting, albeit in a completely different way. Oof)
BEST TV SHOWS-
(I'm hamstringing myself here since I don't watch much by way of network TV. I deplore reality shows, and the acronyms that have taken place of titles. "HIMYM"? "SYTYCD"? Dumb. These shows have been out for a minute, and make for great Netflixing nights off)
"Big Love"
"Carnivale"
BEST BOOK-
(While I'm not the book-o-phile Moda is I made a dent in a few choice reads this year. Again, they're a little old but I stand by my assertion that they make damn fine reads)
"The Time Travelers Wife"
"The Year of Living Biblically"
"The Graveyard Book"
BEST NEW RESTAURANT-
(We eat out, doi. And this finding was kind of tough to rate since many of the places we've tried tend to be established restaurans, or "bullet points" that we like to patronize. And since we mostly went to the tried and true joints, I'm feeling forced to post a doofy critique on the newest food venture)
Il Gatto. It ain't Figlio, I won't lie. Figlio is almost less a restaurant and more an institution, and when they announced the closure my reaction was more emotional than anything. And honestly I think that's the mark of a good restaurant. I can recall almost every single one of my visits going back 15-odd years. What has taken its place is a fairly respectable restaurant with a menu that has enough choices to cater to folks like myself who miss the Figlio of old and enough new choices to make it the newest hotspot for Uptown patrons. And while we weren't floored by the experience (too loud, too cramped, and a seafood dish for me that, unfortunately...was a little too brine-y) it was good enough to make me recommend it to friends.
(Runner up- Zeno. This was a one-time deal. We heard that they were having a "one-weekend" special to help drum up interest in their new expanded sushi menu and we capitalized on it. It. Was. Glorious. I can't imagine what the prices will be like since it ended, but for how inexpensive and unbelievably delicious our sushi was I can only give it a thumbs up)
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Happy Birthmas!
Hiya friends. Blog central is celebrating our five year anniversary/Christmas/Birthday and I wanted to thank my (few) loyal readers this season. I hope that 2010 gives you what you want and proves satisfying in so many ways, we forget to count.
I'm 34 for a few more hours...
And scene.
I'm 34 for a few more hours...
And scene.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
BIRTHDAY'ddd!
Or CHRISTMAS'ddd!!!
Either way, it's coming. And okay, okay...so I've been a silent blog-monkey and it's been sort of a melancholier X-mas than normal, my mom (bless her heart) sent me her X-mas list (a first. Figuring out what she wants has never been easier) and asked I do the same in return. As always, I broke down my list into things that are practical and that I really, really need. (ex: new socks, a new black dress belt in my size, new boxer briefs in my husky-boy size, new running shoes, and a CO2 detector for upstairs.) Versus my ultimate "wish" (See. "Wish". Not "Need to have immediately." Jeebus) list (ex: 42 flatscreen HDTV, Blu-Ray DVD player, a new 2-car Garage and driveway, etc.)
Now, this list could get piled higher than Kilimanjaro rising like the sun above the Serengeti...Toto...No? So for y'all...here's my electronic knick-knack-nerd wish list 2009. Bearing in mind you only have 2 shopping days left. And we wants them (Refutations and justifications can be found and made in the comments below):
DVD's: (Based on repeat watchability...or if they were lent away and never returned. Thievin' bastards)
Highlander (film. 1986)
Star Trek (Extended edition. 2009)
The Wrath of Khan (1982)
The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)
A History of Violence (2005)
Rob Roy (1995)
Eastern Promises (2007)
Braveheart (1995)
Legend of Drunken Master (or. 1994 under "Drunken Master II")
Iron Monkey (2000)
Pans Labryinth (2006)
Mulholland Dr. (2001)
The Untouchables (1988)
The Unforgiven (1993)
Ratatouille (2008)
Wall-E (2008)
Brick (2005)
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)
CD's (which include CD's that were stolen)
They Might Be Giants "Flood"
Bjork "Telegram"/"Homogenic"
Michael Jackson's Greatest Hits
Garth Brooks Greatest Hits
The Offspring "Ixnay on the Hombre"
Simon and Garfunkel's Concert in Central Park
De La Soul "Three Feet High and Rising"
Miss Saigon Original Cast Recording
Queens Greatest Hits vol. I and II
Toys/Books etc
Conor MacLeod replica Katana http://www.unitedcutlery.com/Images/medres/UC2593.JPG
Luke Skywalker Master Replicas FX Sword (Roman remembers the X-mas we played with these in Borders Books) http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51n5IcEboPL._SL500_AA280_.jpg
Spider-Man (quality) costume http://cgi.ebay.com/Spiderman-Adult-Costume-Quality-Spandex-5-6-to-6-1_W0QQitemZ160389014886QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item2557ee2566
The following Sandman Graphic Novels by Neil Gaiman (I have the 1st three) “Dream Country”, “Seasons of the Mist”, “A Game of You”, “Fables and Reflections”, “Brief Lives”, “Worlds End”, “The Kindly Ones”, and “The Wake”.
Neil Gaiman "The Graveyard Book", "Good Omens" (w/Terry Pratchett), and "Neverwhere".
Kurt Busiek and Alex Ross "Marvels" http://www.amazon.com/Marvels-Kurt-Busiek/dp/0785100490
And, without any place to put the stupid thing: A Hogwarts DVD holder-http://www.snitchseeker.com/gallery/albums/userpics/13923/collectors017.jpg
See. Easy to please, I am! Happy Holidays, folks! Hoping to get back on the Blog-Wagon soon.
Either way, it's coming. And okay, okay...so I've been a silent blog-monkey and it's been sort of a melancholier X-mas than normal, my mom (bless her heart) sent me her X-mas list (a first. Figuring out what she wants has never been easier) and asked I do the same in return. As always, I broke down my list into things that are practical and that I really, really need. (ex: new socks, a new black dress belt in my size, new boxer briefs in my husky-boy size, new running shoes, and a CO2 detector for upstairs.) Versus my ultimate "wish" (See. "Wish". Not "Need to have immediately." Jeebus) list (ex: 42 flatscreen HDTV, Blu-Ray DVD player, a new 2-car Garage and driveway, etc.)
Now, this list could get piled higher than Kilimanjaro rising like the sun above the Serengeti...Toto...No? So for y'all...here's my electronic knick-knack-nerd wish list 2009. Bearing in mind you only have 2 shopping days left. And we wants them (Refutations and justifications can be found and made in the comments below):
DVD's: (Based on repeat watchability...or if they were lent away and never returned. Thievin' bastards)
Highlander (film. 1986)
Star Trek (Extended edition. 2009)
The Wrath of Khan (1982)
The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)
A History of Violence (2005)
Rob Roy (1995)
Eastern Promises (2007)
Braveheart (1995)
Legend of Drunken Master (or. 1994 under "Drunken Master II")
Iron Monkey (2000)
Pans Labryinth (2006)
Mulholland Dr. (2001)
The Untouchables (1988)
The Unforgiven (1993)
Ratatouille (2008)
Wall-E (2008)
Brick (2005)
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)
CD's (which include CD's that were stolen)
They Might Be Giants "Flood"
Bjork "Telegram"/"Homogenic"
Michael Jackson's Greatest Hits
Garth Brooks Greatest Hits
The Offspring "Ixnay on the Hombre"
Simon and Garfunkel's Concert in Central Park
De La Soul "Three Feet High and Rising"
Miss Saigon Original Cast Recording
Queens Greatest Hits vol. I and II
Toys/Books etc
Conor MacLeod replica Katana http://www.unitedcutlery.com/Images/medres/UC2593.JPG
Luke Skywalker Master Replicas FX Sword (Roman remembers the X-mas we played with these in Borders Books) http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51n5IcEboPL._SL500_AA280_.jpg
Spider-Man (quality) costume http://cgi.ebay.com/Spiderman-Adult-Costume-Quality-Spandex-5-6-to-6-1_W0QQitemZ160389014886QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item2557ee2566
The following Sandman Graphic Novels by Neil Gaiman (I have the 1st three) “Dream Country”, “Seasons of the Mist”, “A Game of You”, “Fables and Reflections”, “Brief Lives”, “Worlds End”, “The Kindly Ones”, and “The Wake”.
Neil Gaiman "The Graveyard Book", "Good Omens" (w/Terry Pratchett), and "Neverwhere".
Kurt Busiek and Alex Ross "Marvels" http://www.amazon.com/Marvels-Kurt-Busiek/dp/0785100490
And, without any place to put the stupid thing: A Hogwarts DVD holder-http://www.snitchseeker.com/gallery/albums/userpics/13923/collectors017.jpg
See. Easy to please, I am! Happy Holidays, folks! Hoping to get back on the Blog-Wagon soon.
Test
Whoops! Two months got away. It isn't that I've been overtly busy, it's just been sort of a whirl wind of emotions and frass that have been filling my headspace. (And the fact that it's hard to blaug here at work) So something quick, light, frothy, and topical.
I hate people who swear without regard to who is around them. There, I said it. Now I'm a die hard with a vengeance curser. I admit it. Sweary McSwearerson. But lately, and maybe b/c I haven't felt too Christmasy, and have only desired to find peace on earth and good will towards one and other...these little outbursts p#ss me off:
(At the pumps outside of the "Stop and Save" getting gas)
"F#ck. What the...This F#ckin' thing. (to me) Every f#ckin time....NEVER prints a receipt and you gotta go in and ask the cashier for your f#ckin' receipt. F#CK!"
Me: "Oh..."
(Outside of the gym, next to the Chinese restaurant where two dudes were walking in)
"And Kelly was like...'No f#ckin way I'm doing that s#it. You get your a## in here and pin those binders.' and I was like 'Might as well. You f#ckin' break'em every time. Chr!st."
Did I mention the day care at the gym was letting out simultaneously?
(My favorite: The break room at work. Where people mill about freely. This one is priceless)
"What the f#ck do you MEAN? I can't AFFORD that. No. no. no. NO. I said "F#####ck. No. No f#ckin way. You tell Sheila that I don't give a f#ck if she can't help, she's..."
Okay. You get the gist.
So. My request, this holiday season: Watch your f#ckin mouth when you're out in public.
I hate people who swear without regard to who is around them. There, I said it. Now I'm a die hard with a vengeance curser. I admit it. Sweary McSwearerson. But lately, and maybe b/c I haven't felt too Christmasy, and have only desired to find peace on earth and good will towards one and other...these little outbursts p#ss me off:
(At the pumps outside of the "Stop and Save" getting gas)
"F#ck. What the...This F#ckin' thing. (to me) Every f#ckin time....NEVER prints a receipt and you gotta go in and ask the cashier for your f#ckin' receipt. F#CK!"
Me: "Oh..."
(Outside of the gym, next to the Chinese restaurant where two dudes were walking in)
"And Kelly was like...'No f#ckin way I'm doing that s#it. You get your a## in here and pin those binders.' and I was like 'Might as well. You f#ckin' break'em every time. Chr!st."
Did I mention the day care at the gym was letting out simultaneously?
(My favorite: The break room at work. Where people mill about freely. This one is priceless)
"What the f#ck do you MEAN? I can't AFFORD that. No. no. no. NO. I said "F#####ck. No. No f#ckin way. You tell Sheila that I don't give a f#ck if she can't help, she's..."
Okay. You get the gist.
So. My request, this holiday season: Watch your f#ckin mouth when you're out in public.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
More topical frass...
Everyone talks of snow. So I shall not.
H-okay...
Somedays I miss being unemployed. It seems like I was given an assignment through my temp gig and cast in a show simultaneously so life has been sort of whirlwindy. I miss being able to lumber out of bed and go to the gym daily. I really felt like I was making strides physically, you know? I had lost 10 lbs and was starting to get definition and vascularity back. Then...work and show. And non-stop rain. Hello? I go from pulling 4 milers to staring wistfully outdoors and trudging up my cold-weather gear? Frack that. (Note to self- New running shoes must be in your future. Your feet hurt)
Showtime! Go here to learn more: http://www.theatrearlo.com/ It's been over 2 years since I've done a show with lines (for new readers, a lot of what I've done has been kung-fu-king s#ith up while lines are done off stage) So I get a random FB message from a buddy who ran MocW and I worked with and they're doing a pared down version of "The Importance of Being Earnest" as a sort of "bro's before ho's" remix that pokes fun at the big G's production...with a budget under $50 (The priciest seat there). And gay. Really, very, extremely gay. So I ask, who wouldn't say "sure". It's been crazy, with having a scant 2 weeks rehearsal. And for an hour long production...I have a lot of lines. A lot. Anyway, if you're free for any of our three Sunday night performances (October 11th, 18th, and 25th) and if it's your thing- go*. It's pretty funny.
Moda is in another Show-da. For real, we talked about theatre widowship before s#it got real as it was but hoo. She performed in MTM for the month of September. (Effing killer, btw) and is now in her 12 of 12 techs for "Othello". Oof. We would like to go on vacation at some point after her next show piggybacks on "O" and it'd best be overseas. Donations welcome.
I'm getting flabby. That probably isn't true, but when you go from exercising daily to not it feels like it puts on the metabological brakes.
The last of our harvest has been reaped. Snow notwithstanding, the tubers have come out and the tomatoes don't look too happy. I had been pretty good while unemployed at taking care of her, but there seems to have been some form of precipitation or rather for the last two weeks. Curses. We've plotted out next years rotation and are really needing to get the garlic bulbs in the ground before it hardens. And (gasp!) we plan on expanding. Ohhhh yes. http://hungryhippopotami.wordpress.com/
I...uh...so I was really sick my first day of work. And I've had nerves and a bad tummy for what seems like months. This all came to a realization that I'm needing to cut out booze. Not entirely, but I've reduced consumption drastically. Sad thing? I can tell. I've lost some bloat, my tummy is better, and the times I have imbibed? Makes me a little nauseous. Great. And a little insomniatic without a depressent in my system in the evening. But...it has got my brain racing. Sooooooo...I've been writing. Funny crap. In fact, I posted a fake "550's" (performing art classified in the Strib) on the old CB last week. And I wouldn't be talking about it right now, but I was pretty pleased with how it turned out. Moreover, I had about 40 other fake auditions et.al. that I wanted to post. Sooooo, I think I might do that weekly every Sunday. Until the mods make me stop or people get too annoyed. (My favorite part is when people think it's a real ad. Favorite)
Um. Yeah. Off to bundle and trundle to rehearsal. We open tomorrow night. Eep. I'm hungry.
H-okay...
Somedays I miss being unemployed. It seems like I was given an assignment through my temp gig and cast in a show simultaneously so life has been sort of whirlwindy. I miss being able to lumber out of bed and go to the gym daily. I really felt like I was making strides physically, you know? I had lost 10 lbs and was starting to get definition and vascularity back. Then...work and show. And non-stop rain. Hello? I go from pulling 4 milers to staring wistfully outdoors and trudging up my cold-weather gear? Frack that. (Note to self- New running shoes must be in your future. Your feet hurt)
Showtime! Go here to learn more: http://www.theatrearlo.com/ It's been over 2 years since I've done a show with lines (for new readers, a lot of what I've done has been kung-fu-king s#ith up while lines are done off stage) So I get a random FB message from a buddy who ran MocW and I worked with and they're doing a pared down version of "The Importance of Being Earnest" as a sort of "bro's before ho's" remix that pokes fun at the big G's production...with a budget under $50 (The priciest seat there). And gay. Really, very, extremely gay. So I ask, who wouldn't say "sure". It's been crazy, with having a scant 2 weeks rehearsal. And for an hour long production...I have a lot of lines. A lot. Anyway, if you're free for any of our three Sunday night performances (October 11th, 18th, and 25th) and if it's your thing- go*. It's pretty funny.
Moda is in another Show-da. For real, we talked about theatre widowship before s#it got real as it was but hoo. She performed in MTM for the month of September. (Effing killer, btw) and is now in her 12 of 12 techs for "Othello". Oof. We would like to go on vacation at some point after her next show piggybacks on "O" and it'd best be overseas. Donations welcome.
I'm getting flabby. That probably isn't true, but when you go from exercising daily to not it feels like it puts on the metabological brakes.
The last of our harvest has been reaped. Snow notwithstanding, the tubers have come out and the tomatoes don't look too happy. I had been pretty good while unemployed at taking care of her, but there seems to have been some form of precipitation or rather for the last two weeks. Curses. We've plotted out next years rotation and are really needing to get the garlic bulbs in the ground before it hardens. And (gasp!) we plan on expanding. Ohhhh yes. http://hungryhippopotami.wordpress.com/
I...uh...so I was really sick my first day of work. And I've had nerves and a bad tummy for what seems like months. This all came to a realization that I'm needing to cut out booze. Not entirely, but I've reduced consumption drastically. Sad thing? I can tell. I've lost some bloat, my tummy is better, and the times I have imbibed? Makes me a little nauseous. Great. And a little insomniatic without a depressent in my system in the evening. But...it has got my brain racing. Sooooooo...I've been writing. Funny crap. In fact, I posted a fake "550's" (performing art classified in the Strib) on the old CB last week. And I wouldn't be talking about it right now, but I was pretty pleased with how it turned out. Moreover, I had about 40 other fake auditions et.al. that I wanted to post. Sooooo, I think I might do that weekly every Sunday. Until the mods make me stop or people get too annoyed. (My favorite part is when people think it's a real ad. Favorite)
Um. Yeah. Off to bundle and trundle to rehearsal. We open tomorrow night. Eep. I'm hungry.
Temporarily speaking...
Temp. Tempe. Tempeh. Tamp. Tarp. Taupe.
I'm now officially at the two week mark of my gig at the Big Gay Wagon Company (Heretofore known as "BGWC") I'm falling into the temp regiment which has some pros and cons which I'd like to share with you today.
Pro-
Distance. It's ridiculously close, being in S. Mpls, and literally takes me almost 10 minutes to get there.
Enclosed parking.
"Casual" October...meaning jeans all month long and possibly beyond.
A mildly relaxed culture. My direct report has the strangest and dryest sense of humor. You'd almost think he wasn't making a joke because he'll say one and walk away to let it linger. ("Please remember to lock your PC when you leave your desk. Otherwise you'll get hurt." Walks away)
His boss? Caught me looking at my script. Turns out he's a community musical theatre guy. And acts it, too. Campy, goofy...curses every so often...b#tches about his diet. Weird. I know, right? When I...I am the low key theatre dude.
Helpful and friendly cube mates. I was one of 3 people in a class of 14 to be elevated to the "quick learner" program...meaning 3 days of training then GO! The seasoned permanent employees next to me seem to sympathize.
The cafeteria...Holy. Okay, so this "campus" has a deli, coffee shop (I'll stick with the free break room swill, thanks) convenience store, bank, gym, and proper cafeteria. And it's big. And cheap. I forgot my soup so I figured It'd be as good of an excuse as any to check it out and they had a "build your own deli sammich" bar. Right? So I made a reasonbly healthy turkey sandwich with produce about as big as a Dagwood thinking that after I weigh it at the check out it'd be $11. $3.50. For a 16 lb sammich. The gym, btw, is only $14 a month for employees. What?
Full web access. In close to 15 years of corporate living, I've never had that.
The con...
Training, per normal for temps, is redonk. The trainer was poor and frequently had class wrested from their grasp by a few of the students. We were tested on material that we barely had time to learn and it was graded against us. Since I was pulled early, most of what I've had to do is On the Job. And without job aids, there'll be a lot of mistakes.
Temps...are kind of recyclable. The 1st, a manager came in and gave the whole dog and pony show of "you're not just a temp" and "you could very well get hired permanently!" and "many of our employees who started 4-5 years ago were temps!" in an attempt to make the fact that we're contracted and possibly expendable a little less frightening. Doesn't work on jaded hacks like me. And moreover, you kind of need to keep your head down while the perm staff are all like buddies and they treat you, well, like a temp.
Gallows humor. I don't know if I think that candor is a great thing in the workplace, but speaking of being a temp? My direct report has dropped a few funnies about how we don't technically work for him. Moreover, I suspect that he's of a narc nature. Why?
My cube is sandwiched between both managers. And they both like to get up and stand behind you to see what apps you have open. Sorry guys. I'm not trolling teh web on company time.
My commute home sucks. There are no easy freeway entrances to 35W North. I either have to go through Uptown or go South 7 blocks to 35th. Lame sauce.
The employees are maniacs. At the end of my shift, it's practically a footrace to get out of the building. And since it's badge scan exit, it's a daily occurrence that someone forgets to scan and gets trapped in the revolving doors. Moreover? That delightful parking garage I told you about? Man...people are f#cked up. Sorry. But I've nearly been ran over 4 x's now. It turns into the Indy 500 with people speeding (i.e. going at least 20-25 mph) toward the exit. And apparently, some people think that "compact parking only" means "my RAV 4 can take up two spots...chumps". Look, at the end of the day I wanna go too but this seems all too much like "Let's see how many temps we can hit before leaving!"
Lastly? I'm not a huge fan of the work. It really...well it isn't really "me". It's nice to know big bro is floating around to help with doofy stuff like password workarounds, but man. Yeah. Mortgages...
Sighs...Oh well.
It's a j-o-b.
I'm now officially at the two week mark of my gig at the Big Gay Wagon Company (Heretofore known as "BGWC") I'm falling into the temp regiment which has some pros and cons which I'd like to share with you today.
Pro-
Distance. It's ridiculously close, being in S. Mpls, and literally takes me almost 10 minutes to get there.
Enclosed parking.
"Casual" October...meaning jeans all month long and possibly beyond.
A mildly relaxed culture. My direct report has the strangest and dryest sense of humor. You'd almost think he wasn't making a joke because he'll say one and walk away to let it linger. ("Please remember to lock your PC when you leave your desk. Otherwise you'll get hurt." Walks away)
His boss? Caught me looking at my script. Turns out he's a community musical theatre guy. And acts it, too. Campy, goofy...curses every so often...b#tches about his diet. Weird. I know, right? When I...I am the low key theatre dude.
Helpful and friendly cube mates. I was one of 3 people in a class of 14 to be elevated to the "quick learner" program...meaning 3 days of training then GO! The seasoned permanent employees next to me seem to sympathize.
The cafeteria...Holy. Okay, so this "campus" has a deli, coffee shop (I'll stick with the free break room swill, thanks) convenience store, bank, gym, and proper cafeteria. And it's big. And cheap. I forgot my soup so I figured It'd be as good of an excuse as any to check it out and they had a "build your own deli sammich" bar. Right? So I made a reasonbly healthy turkey sandwich with produce about as big as a Dagwood thinking that after I weigh it at the check out it'd be $11. $3.50. For a 16 lb sammich. The gym, btw, is only $14 a month for employees. What?
Full web access. In close to 15 years of corporate living, I've never had that.
The con...
Training, per normal for temps, is redonk. The trainer was poor and frequently had class wrested from their grasp by a few of the students. We were tested on material that we barely had time to learn and it was graded against us. Since I was pulled early, most of what I've had to do is On the Job. And without job aids, there'll be a lot of mistakes.
Temps...are kind of recyclable. The 1st, a manager came in and gave the whole dog and pony show of "you're not just a temp" and "you could very well get hired permanently!" and "many of our employees who started 4-5 years ago were temps!" in an attempt to make the fact that we're contracted and possibly expendable a little less frightening. Doesn't work on jaded hacks like me. And moreover, you kind of need to keep your head down while the perm staff are all like buddies and they treat you, well, like a temp.
Gallows humor. I don't know if I think that candor is a great thing in the workplace, but speaking of being a temp? My direct report has dropped a few funnies about how we don't technically work for him. Moreover, I suspect that he's of a narc nature. Why?
My cube is sandwiched between both managers. And they both like to get up and stand behind you to see what apps you have open. Sorry guys. I'm not trolling teh web on company time.
My commute home sucks. There are no easy freeway entrances to 35W North. I either have to go through Uptown or go South 7 blocks to 35th. Lame sauce.
The employees are maniacs. At the end of my shift, it's practically a footrace to get out of the building. And since it's badge scan exit, it's a daily occurrence that someone forgets to scan and gets trapped in the revolving doors. Moreover? That delightful parking garage I told you about? Man...people are f#cked up. Sorry. But I've nearly been ran over 4 x's now. It turns into the Indy 500 with people speeding (i.e. going at least 20-25 mph) toward the exit. And apparently, some people think that "compact parking only" means "my RAV 4 can take up two spots...chumps". Look, at the end of the day I wanna go too but this seems all too much like "Let's see how many temps we can hit before leaving!"
Lastly? I'm not a huge fan of the work. It really...well it isn't really "me". It's nice to know big bro is floating around to help with doofy stuff like password workarounds, but man. Yeah. Mortgages...
Sighs...Oh well.
It's a j-o-b.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
I feel justified in the big breakfast I made today (maple smoked turkey sausage, eggs over-easy, and pancakes) because I did a 4.5 miler yesterday, lifted, rehearsed, and went for a 90 minute walk. Pip. I felt even more justified in the Chinese take out dinner I enjoyed tonight while watching "The Goonies" (edited for television) on TBS which stuffed me to the gills while the cat snored on my lap after battening down the hatches around the house.
It's that last part I'd like to touch on.
It's windy. Real windy. And when the wind is this strong it means it's blowing in something or blowing out something. And "something" tells me it's blowing in the chill. And that means outdoor jogs will be a bundlesome affair going forward. I jokingly let out the cat to see how long he'd last outside after caterwauling by the veranda door (less than a minute). I even dropped a few of the storm windows. I look forward to my pine tree in the back falling over on my garage ("Act of God...Act of God!!! New garage!!!") and worry about branches knocking into the neighbors house. I have a large boxelder in the back yard.
Frass.
I chalk it up to new job anxiety. Time to start getting up with the alarm again. And I'm gonna get myself in the frame of mind to warm up to the new job.
It's that last part I'd like to touch on.
It's windy. Real windy. And when the wind is this strong it means it's blowing in something or blowing out something. And "something" tells me it's blowing in the chill. And that means outdoor jogs will be a bundlesome affair going forward. I jokingly let out the cat to see how long he'd last outside after caterwauling by the veranda door (less than a minute). I even dropped a few of the storm windows. I look forward to my pine tree in the back falling over on my garage ("Act of God...Act of God!!! New garage!!!") and worry about branches knocking into the neighbors house. I have a large boxelder in the back yard.
Frass.
I chalk it up to new job anxiety. Time to start getting up with the alarm again. And I'm gonna get myself in the frame of mind to warm up to the new job.
An open letter about energy...people's energy
Dear lady who was patronizing the delightful Uptown bistro where Moda and I had lunch this past Friday...
So it was a drizzly pizzly Friday and we had a gift card to burn through and so we headed out with dreams of Bellini's, Bloody Mary's, and pomme frittes. And while it was a quiet Friday at said bistro, there were still a few folk out to enjoy brunch as well. Lovely.
Now, you were only 5 tables away and I really don't know what kind of day you had but it felt like it was a bad one. Why do I know this? Well, for starters (and to be clear, your conversation wasn't being eavesdropped on) you...energy...was palpable. Like, I felt every angry stab of conversation you made with your friend. And I'm not gonna judge but dang...we're nibbling our fries and loud conversational punctuations peppered your speech. And lady, there were folks trying to have a relaxing Friday brunch. Not cool.
This all culminated in the part where I did eavesdrop...not because I wanted to but it was pretty audible- Complaining about the price of your coffee. Your coffee. Your...coffee.
It's a mildly pricey French Uptown Bistro. Not "Le Folgers". My advice? Switch to the coffee in the green can.
Yours respectfully...
Baby P
So it was a drizzly pizzly Friday and we had a gift card to burn through and so we headed out with dreams of Bellini's, Bloody Mary's, and pomme frittes. And while it was a quiet Friday at said bistro, there were still a few folk out to enjoy brunch as well. Lovely.
Now, you were only 5 tables away and I really don't know what kind of day you had but it felt like it was a bad one. Why do I know this? Well, for starters (and to be clear, your conversation wasn't being eavesdropped on) you...energy...was palpable. Like, I felt every angry stab of conversation you made with your friend. And I'm not gonna judge but dang...we're nibbling our fries and loud conversational punctuations peppered your speech. And lady, there were folks trying to have a relaxing Friday brunch. Not cool.
This all culminated in the part where I did eavesdrop...not because I wanted to but it was pretty audible- Complaining about the price of your coffee. Your coffee. Your...coffee.
It's a mildly pricey French Uptown Bistro. Not "Le Folgers". My advice? Switch to the coffee in the green can.
Yours respectfully...
Baby P
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Work, work, work...
So in exciting news, my temp agency finally hooked me up with a gig starting on Monday. Pip. I've also applied to a gazillion other places over the last 4 weeks, so at least that means I'm waiting for rejection emails. C'mon, fellas! I'm-a waitin'!
In other news, I finally got a gig that'll run for a few performances at the BLB in October. Sweet. For a minute there I was thinking "Gee. This'll be the first year since, well, 1990 that I've gone 12 consecutive months without doing a show. Ho. Lee. Crap."
Yes sir, boy howdy though...gonna miss the little things I tell you. Like bathrobe time, which is-you know-daily. And going downstairs this morning to get a cup of coffee and wondering why the cat hasn't been conversing with me only to see him perched on the nook table staring intensely outside. I go to spy what has him so rapt and it's a frassin' squirrel cleaning itself on the patio table.
In case you're curious, my roommate has been out of town for the last week or so and I'm in charge of George. Oddly enough, the cat has been pretty good about not barfing in the middle of the night.
Also, "The Ivey Awards" were this last Monday. Good times. Moda looked great and I decided on sporting the monochrome look this year. And the chrome look. No Ivey is complete w/o packing your flask. IJS.
In other news, I finally got a gig that'll run for a few performances at the BLB in October. Sweet. For a minute there I was thinking "Gee. This'll be the first year since, well, 1990 that I've gone 12 consecutive months without doing a show. Ho. Lee. Crap."
Yes sir, boy howdy though...gonna miss the little things I tell you. Like bathrobe time, which is-you know-daily. And going downstairs this morning to get a cup of coffee and wondering why the cat hasn't been conversing with me only to see him perched on the nook table staring intensely outside. I go to spy what has him so rapt and it's a frassin' squirrel cleaning itself on the patio table.
In case you're curious, my roommate has been out of town for the last week or so and I'm in charge of George. Oddly enough, the cat has been pretty good about not barfing in the middle of the night.
Also, "The Ivey Awards" were this last Monday. Good times. Moda looked great and I decided on sporting the monochrome look this year. And the chrome look. No Ivey is complete w/o packing your flask. IJS.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
I stand corrected
What's worse than discovering cat vom with your bare toes at 4 am?
Cat poop at 7.
I've washed, showered, cleaned and vacuumed and still feel gross as hell.
Cat poop at 7.
I've washed, showered, cleaned and vacuumed and still feel gross as hell.
Note to self...
I was frassed at for wanting to know what I should wear to this years Ivey awards and so I brought up all my tux's for viewing. I'll be doing the all-black outfit this year, but in figuring out stupid things like 3 button, 2 button, etc. I found the following in my one button masterpiece:
1- pair of sunglasses
3-fliers for upcoming shows (circa Fall 2008)
1-Flask my brother gave me as a wedding present
This garnered a chuckle from us when I looked at Moda and said "Does this look like it still fits...what the f#ck is in my pockets?"
1- pair of sunglasses
3-fliers for upcoming shows (circa Fall 2008)
1-Flask my brother gave me as a wedding present
This garnered a chuckle from us when I looked at Moda and said "Does this look like it still fits...what the f#ck is in my pockets?"
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Does anyone else think...
That the Cities Ninety-Seven, with a few notable exceptions, that their playlist is perpetually stuck in between the years 1994-1996?
RIP, Dalton...
Well...people with the big "C" can't always have happy endings. And I do think it's kinda sad about the Swayze-ist of Patricks recent passing. I wasn't a huge fan of "DD" to be fair. I mean, I saw it, but outside of musicals I never had the same jones for "dance" movies where the dancing is a part of the overall drama. (Like "Frassloose" back in '84. There were far better films to see that year, IMO...cough cough "Ghostbusters"? Cough cough "Temple of Doom"? Cough cough "Buckaroo Banzai"?) And I think I caught "The Outsiders" maybe once or twice on a Saturday channel 9 edited-to-hell matinee and was like "meh...the book was better".
But I so did dig on "Red Dawn". And a couple of years later when we had free HBO, I probably watched "Road House" 10 times. (I still was years away from taking karate so how was I to know he was only doing "Dance Fu"? Bonus points if you can catch the Benny "The Jet" Urquidez cameo in the car lot Bigfoot scene.) I mean...that movie was dumb, over the top, and (in later years) extremely quotable. "I thought you'd be bigger", "Pain don't hurt", and Jeff Healy's insane thespian delivery of "Word is you f#ck with him...he'll theal yer fate". (Yeah, I wrote his lisp in. Suck it)
And of course the nudity and Sam Elliot. Hello? Crap, Ro and I bogarted the "throat rip-out" when we auditioned for "KFH" a few years ago. Classic.
People were blah-blah over "Ghost" and I liked it well enough. (I took a date to see it at the Brookdale UA. Mostly I remember flicking a band-aid down her blouse and laughing when the evil "ghosts" dragged away bad-guy ghosts. That dumb sound effect. And for the record, I was 15. So apologies for said flicking. She didn't get mad, anyway. Good ol' Angie W.)
And of course x's 2- His SNL appearance. Doi. "Everybodies workin' for the weekennnnd!"
"Point Break" was more doofy adrenalin and I always thought that this movie was dumb to have "Ted" play and F-B-I agent...and wtf was a "Chili Pepper" doing in this movie? (Points again for an early Tom-I make the worst celebrity sex tape on the planet" Sizemore sighting)
Sure, he had some dogs for the following 10 years or so but that little role in "Donnie Darko" was just another awesome casting job in an equally awesome dark little indie film that blew up in a good way. Don't call it a comeback!
For me, though? It'll always be Dalton. The philosophizing cooler. Pure-D awesome.
Rest in peace, 'Miho.
But I so did dig on "Red Dawn". And a couple of years later when we had free HBO, I probably watched "Road House" 10 times. (I still was years away from taking karate so how was I to know he was only doing "Dance Fu"? Bonus points if you can catch the Benny "The Jet" Urquidez cameo in the car lot Bigfoot scene.) I mean...that movie was dumb, over the top, and (in later years) extremely quotable. "I thought you'd be bigger", "Pain don't hurt", and Jeff Healy's insane thespian delivery of "Word is you f#ck with him...he'll theal yer fate". (Yeah, I wrote his lisp in. Suck it)
And of course the nudity and Sam Elliot. Hello? Crap, Ro and I bogarted the "throat rip-out" when we auditioned for "KFH" a few years ago. Classic.
People were blah-blah over "Ghost" and I liked it well enough. (I took a date to see it at the Brookdale UA. Mostly I remember flicking a band-aid down her blouse and laughing when the evil "ghosts" dragged away bad-guy ghosts. That dumb sound effect. And for the record, I was 15. So apologies for said flicking. She didn't get mad, anyway. Good ol' Angie W.)
And of course x's 2- His SNL appearance. Doi. "Everybodies workin' for the weekennnnd!"
"Point Break" was more doofy adrenalin and I always thought that this movie was dumb to have "Ted" play and F-B-I agent...and wtf was a "Chili Pepper" doing in this movie? (Points again for an early Tom-I make the worst celebrity sex tape on the planet" Sizemore sighting)
Sure, he had some dogs for the following 10 years or so but that little role in "Donnie Darko" was just another awesome casting job in an equally awesome dark little indie film that blew up in a good way. Don't call it a comeback!
For me, though? It'll always be Dalton. The philosophizing cooler. Pure-D awesome.
Rest in peace, 'Miho.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Why I <3 NE Mipples...
Dear everyone-
I obtained an "I Heart NE" button from Surdyk's shortly before the NEMAA Art-A-Whirl last May. To this day, it has been mistaken for the following:
I Heart Nebraska
I Heart New England
I Heart Knee (Pretty creative, IMO)
I get it, a little. One person, one, has figured it out. We're at MOA today shopping for Ivey Award dresses and whilst waiting for try-on's at Nordstrom's Bodacious Rack this kid was staring at me. (Okay, a teenager). It got so that the staring went past MN (Ha. Get it? Another Acronym!) comfort, and after making eye-contact at his chest-staring head (I, for one, do not have a bodacious rack) I said "What's up?".
(In a foreign exchange student accent. He looked pretty-boy nordic, so hearing a German accent surprised me a bit)
"What is 'Knee'?"
(me) "Oh. North East. North East Minneapolis. I'm the uncrowned King of Northeast."
(Blank Stare. His girlfriends titter. There were three girlfriends.)
"Northeast Metropolis?"
"No. That's Superman. We're fairly territorial in our neighborhoods in Minneapolis."
"Oh" (Laughs uncomfortably)
I loiter outside the ladies dressing rooms for as long as possible until they leave then take a seat. Ever notice how, if you're male and loitering outside of a ladies dressing room you still kind of feel pervy? You could be staring at the lights the whole time until said "dressed" lady comes out for an opinion (or whatever) or laying face down on the ground. You're still left with the whole "dude loitering outside the ladies dressing rooms" stigma. It's weird. (Even in the ladies shoe area, which takes up a parking lot sized area in most department stores*, if you're a guy/boyfriend/husband the guys master the blank forward stare. You go into a coma. And no one asks questions. The nurse just comes by to read you stories)
Later, I get treated to restauranty goodness for being a sport the whole (cough-cough) 7 hour day and the server makes a comment that she likes Northeast Minneapolis too (or something) and it came as such a shock that I almost didn't sit for a second. We laughed. A lot.
I need to stop wearing that dumb button. Or I should have given to the exchange student in solidarity.
*If I wanted job security? I should sell women's shoes at Nordstroms. Al Bundy was on crack for hating his job, Humpty. They were on you like white on snow- if you were man...woman...it didn't matter. Those ladies were frickin' pro's. There were literally 3 sales reps for every one person and they did their jobs in style. Holy...I mean the slick pitch: "Well, those 'Glitz' brand might feel loose but the Praaaada will never-ever fit you poorly. It's the design you see?" (She fit it in quick and dirty during her sales pitch like a shiv between the ribs during a prison brawl. I was amazed.
She didn't buy the Prada, btw.)
I obtained an "I Heart NE" button from Surdyk's shortly before the NEMAA Art-A-Whirl last May. To this day, it has been mistaken for the following:
I Heart Nebraska
I Heart New England
I Heart Knee (Pretty creative, IMO)
I get it, a little. One person, one, has figured it out. We're at MOA today shopping for Ivey Award dresses and whilst waiting for try-on's at Nordstrom's Bodacious Rack this kid was staring at me. (Okay, a teenager). It got so that the staring went past MN (Ha. Get it? Another Acronym!) comfort, and after making eye-contact at his chest-staring head (I, for one, do not have a bodacious rack) I said "What's up?".
(In a foreign exchange student accent. He looked pretty-boy nordic, so hearing a German accent surprised me a bit)
"What is 'Knee'?"
(me) "Oh. North East. North East Minneapolis. I'm the uncrowned King of Northeast."
(Blank Stare. His girlfriends titter. There were three girlfriends.)
"Northeast Metropolis?"
"No. That's Superman. We're fairly territorial in our neighborhoods in Minneapolis."
"Oh" (Laughs uncomfortably)
I loiter outside the ladies dressing rooms for as long as possible until they leave then take a seat. Ever notice how, if you're male and loitering outside of a ladies dressing room you still kind of feel pervy? You could be staring at the lights the whole time until said "dressed" lady comes out for an opinion (or whatever) or laying face down on the ground. You're still left with the whole "dude loitering outside the ladies dressing rooms" stigma. It's weird. (Even in the ladies shoe area, which takes up a parking lot sized area in most department stores*, if you're a guy/boyfriend/husband the guys master the blank forward stare. You go into a coma. And no one asks questions. The nurse just comes by to read you stories)
Later, I get treated to restauranty goodness for being a sport the whole (cough-cough) 7 hour day and the server makes a comment that she likes Northeast Minneapolis too (or something) and it came as such a shock that I almost didn't sit for a second. We laughed. A lot.
I need to stop wearing that dumb button. Or I should have given to the exchange student in solidarity.
*If I wanted job security? I should sell women's shoes at Nordstroms. Al Bundy was on crack for hating his job, Humpty. They were on you like white on snow- if you were man...woman...it didn't matter. Those ladies were frickin' pro's. There were literally 3 sales reps for every one person and they did their jobs in style. Holy...I mean the slick pitch: "Well, those 'Glitz' brand might feel loose but the Praaaada will never-ever fit you poorly. It's the design you see?" (She fit it in quick and dirty during her sales pitch like a shiv between the ribs during a prison brawl. I was amazed.
She didn't buy the Prada, btw.)
Sunday, August 09, 2009
Can't...keep...it in...
I wouldn't usually wish this on anyone, and sorry if it might offend (I am, as you know, an amateur b-squad observationalist) but sakes aLIVE is urn-checking-outing the dumbest thing you can do? I was apprehensive enough with family due to the sensitive nature of it but outside of a clown handing you a balloon before you go in the "showroom" there could be little more ridiculous outside of...okay, here's a list of potentials so you all are prepared. Keep in mind, you have an image of what an urn is, BUT you can also get cremains:
Made into diamonds
Put into Lava Lamps
Put into a light up night light globe
Put in Biodegradable heart-shaped bags
Placed in the low...low end model. Which is plastic and looks like an office garbage can
Placed in a, gah, it's supposed to be a suspended Jesus but my brother said "It looks like Han Solo suspended in carbonite..." He was right.
Made into a door stop or garden marker
And my favorite?
A teddy bear. A $130 teddy bear.*
We cried a lot, but I think we also laughed a lot too which is what he would have done at the silly nature of it all. And it helped a little. It was needed.
*It was in the kids section, but perched next to the "formal" urns made it a little unnerving yo. Moda and I took turns trying to unscrew the head to see if that's where the cremains were supposed to go.
**I still hate the term cremains. And if it wasn't for "Six Feet Under" I'd never had known it.
Made into diamonds
Put into Lava Lamps
Put into a light up night light globe
Put in Biodegradable heart-shaped bags
Placed in the low...low end model. Which is plastic and looks like an office garbage can
Placed in a, gah, it's supposed to be a suspended Jesus but my brother said "It looks like Han Solo suspended in carbonite..." He was right.
Made into a door stop or garden marker
And my favorite?
A teddy bear. A $130 teddy bear.*
We cried a lot, but I think we also laughed a lot too which is what he would have done at the silly nature of it all. And it helped a little. It was needed.
*It was in the kids section, but perched next to the "formal" urns made it a little unnerving yo. Moda and I took turns trying to unscrew the head to see if that's where the cremains were supposed to go.
**I still hate the term cremains. And if it wasn't for "Six Feet Under" I'd never had known it.
Friday, August 07, 2009
Hiya friends. I know I've been piecemeal about blogging in spite of a lot of spare time the last few weeks and I'm sorry to say that I'll probably be doing another sabbatical while I get my head on straight and spend some time with my family. I'm not getting into it in too much detail here on the cyber-web but I'd like to leave you all with a quick non-sequiter:
I spent a very, very good day yesterday with my dad.
I spent a very, very good day yesterday with my dad.
Friday, July 24, 2009
You gotta be kidding, right?
Let's talk about tricky sloganizing, shall we? Dunkin Donuts newest: "America Runs on Dunkin'!" with little pictures for those who don't understand the message: Picture of ' Merica. Picture of a runner, ala' the Olympics. Picture of a donut.
Wow. Donuts+Running='s did someone in their advertising department say "HEY! These donut's are getting a BAD RAP! Saying they promote obesity and have little to NO nutritional value? What about JELLY filled donuts, friends?!?! THAT is a fruit if I ever SAW one. No, no, no...the time has come to help the noble pastry RISE from it's painful yoke of unhealthiness while we usher in a NEW DAY OF THE DONUT...! AND THAT MEANS RUNNING!!!"
Why not just run a smear campaign on foods that are a good source of iron and vitamins? Or are a prime source of roughage?
"SPINACH! It will MAKE you play WII FAT!!!"
"F#CK BROCCOLI! Do you WANT to have DOUBLE CHINS?!?!"
"Baked potato? HOW ABOUT COUCH POTATO!"
"KALE WILL SMOTHER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!"
"America is screwed with tomatoes" (This is where you have the picture of 'Merica. A screw...or a silhouette of someone, you know, getting screwed. And the noble lycopene laced tomato.)
Equating donuts and health. I donut know.
(Flashback) A really happy memory from when I was a kid was when my dad would take me either to Dunkin' or to Jack's Bakery over by NHCC for a donut and milk after my hockey games. He'd get a coffee and usually an apple fritter. I'd get a 1% milk and either a long john (They weight 16lbs at Jack's) or one of those powdered jobbies filled with chocolate cream and the "chocolate frosting nipple looking thing" on top. The smell is what will take you back at DD.
In high school, we would/could order a dozen to demolish amongst 2-3 of us or order a variety of 24-36 donut holes. Oof.
As an A-Dult, I learned to appreciate their coffee. DD does have some pretty strong and tasty coffee.
And as an aging frasser in a world where DD is coming back, and now apparently using a picture of a runner to pimp their D's as opposed to a middle aged man muttering "It's time to make the donuts..." I can't remember the last time I had one.
Wow. Donuts+Running='s did someone in their advertising department say "HEY! These donut's are getting a BAD RAP! Saying they promote obesity and have little to NO nutritional value? What about JELLY filled donuts, friends?!?! THAT is a fruit if I ever SAW one. No, no, no...the time has come to help the noble pastry RISE from it's painful yoke of unhealthiness while we usher in a NEW DAY OF THE DONUT...! AND THAT MEANS RUNNING!!!"
Why not just run a smear campaign on foods that are a good source of iron and vitamins? Or are a prime source of roughage?
"SPINACH! It will MAKE you play WII FAT!!!"
"F#CK BROCCOLI! Do you WANT to have DOUBLE CHINS?!?!"
"Baked potato? HOW ABOUT COUCH POTATO!"
"KALE WILL SMOTHER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!"
"America is screwed with tomatoes" (This is where you have the picture of 'Merica. A screw...or a silhouette of someone, you know, getting screwed. And the noble lycopene laced tomato.)
Equating donuts and health. I donut know.
(Flashback) A really happy memory from when I was a kid was when my dad would take me either to Dunkin' or to Jack's Bakery over by NHCC for a donut and milk after my hockey games. He'd get a coffee and usually an apple fritter. I'd get a 1% milk and either a long john (They weight 16lbs at Jack's) or one of those powdered jobbies filled with chocolate cream and the "chocolate frosting nipple looking thing" on top. The smell is what will take you back at DD.
In high school, we would/could order a dozen to demolish amongst 2-3 of us or order a variety of 24-36 donut holes. Oof.
As an A-Dult, I learned to appreciate their coffee. DD does have some pretty strong and tasty coffee.
And as an aging frasser in a world where DD is coming back, and now apparently using a picture of a runner to pimp their D's as opposed to a middle aged man muttering "It's time to make the donuts..." I can't remember the last time I had one.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Great. Just...Great.
So on a happy note, Moda got back in town from KS last night. She told me she caught a slight bug while down there which was a touch flu-like. I was able to visit and we shared some Chinese food before heading back home for the night.
Today, I wake up feeling much the same as she described. It started when getting out of bed proved to be a challenge, and a general sense of ish kept me from doing anything but the most mundane stuff around the house. After I was finally able to drag my carcass downstairs for some water and a little bite to eat it developed into full bore nausea. I had been sitting on the couch for an hour in my running gear with a book waiting for my laundry to finish up, thoughts of hitting the gym slowly escaping my mind. Sure enough when I hit the basement to collect my clothes, I took a deep breath and whoooosh- All the water and the lunch I had came riiiiight back up. Ish.
So as I type this, I am sweating profusely with a swollen belly and a deep concern that being ill and unemployed are not a very good mix.
On a second positive note, I did score a gig from my audition last Friday. So let's hope that whatever this crap is, it won't mean fauceting sweat while filming.
Ugh.
Today, I wake up feeling much the same as she described. It started when getting out of bed proved to be a challenge, and a general sense of ish kept me from doing anything but the most mundane stuff around the house. After I was finally able to drag my carcass downstairs for some water and a little bite to eat it developed into full bore nausea. I had been sitting on the couch for an hour in my running gear with a book waiting for my laundry to finish up, thoughts of hitting the gym slowly escaping my mind. Sure enough when I hit the basement to collect my clothes, I took a deep breath and whoooosh- All the water and the lunch I had came riiiiight back up. Ish.
So as I type this, I am sweating profusely with a swollen belly and a deep concern that being ill and unemployed are not a very good mix.
On a second positive note, I did score a gig from my audition last Friday. So let's hope that whatever this crap is, it won't mean fauceting sweat while filming.
Ugh.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Double, triple ow.
Well ferrets and firecrackers...I know I've promised an unemployment blaug, but I guess outside of the general mundane routine that is hermiting myself/working out/finding new work I figured it just didn't make for very good theater. (It's okay, folks. Temp staff got me a new gig in a week or so. And I found another one on MONSTER that seemed right up my alley...with the caveat being I'd need to obtain my series 6, 26, AND 63. Time to stock up on Gingko Biloba. )
So outside of my personal goal of having read (nearly) all the Harry Potter books in 10 days. (As opposed to my last, lame, unemployment goal of watching film series like "The Godfather" or "Lord of the Rings"...extended cut...) I was given an opportunity by my pal Davey to hit up the Cannon River for some tubin. (Or in my case, "tubbin". Rhymes w/"chubbin") As many of my fellow MN'an's can attest, the weather hasn't been very "July" like. Rather, it's been floating in the low 60's for the last couple of days. We were assured it would get to at least 75 degree's by Caturday, the date of our voyage, and if tubing were out then we'd go on and rent canoes. This...this all sounds pretty straightforward.
Now if anyone remembers the ill-fated trip down the old CR back in 2007, you will remember it was a bit of a castastrophe on my part. Lost my sunglasses, got ridiculously inebriate, attempted to emulate the noble dolphin while wearing my favorite cowboy hat and ruined it, not to mention bunging myself up pretty good on the rocks etc. And, in spite of wearing waterproof SPF 45 sunblock, managed to snare myself a dinger of a burn. Not fun. No way.
"Managing Restraint" was my theme this year. I figured a canoe trip would keep me safely dry and free of any river mishaps. I remembered all my Manitou/Scouting practice (That's right, friends. "J" stroke? "C" stroke? I'm all up in that.) So what if I hadn't canoed in 16/17 years. How hard could it be, right? And when you get tired/bored you either let the other person paddle or let the lazy river take you while you steer. So I bundled up, forwent sunscreen (and left the beerz at home, thanks!), and we all meandered South. Hey, the sun could still come out sometime too! What could POSSibly go awry? Well, when your friendly neighborhood B-Squad Ahab is at the paddle...much:
-My canoe was swamped, twice due to vigorous paddling away from the shore. And I'm fairly certain my canoe buddy hates me. At the very least, they switched up partners with me mid-way through.
-Cell phone, which was double wrapped in sealed ziploc baggies, was ruined...again.
-Cowboy hat now looks like a rumpled version of the "Sorting Hat" due to said capsizing.
-Somehow when the canoes were rented, we were taken to the farthest launching point upriver. About 12 miles. So after a while we were all like "I wonder what time it is?" and another canoer yells "5:30!"...(We started around 12:30-1 and expected to get back, well, sooner)
-That bit about the river carrying you? Nah-uh. It was almost still. See, in my fantasy world I had imagined something so low key it would make sleeping appear industrious. Nope. There was lots, and lots of paddling. And more. And sitting on a hard metal bench. For 6+ hours.
-I lost my favorite red flannel. That, my Diet Mt. Dew, sunglasses, and half a sammich all fell prey to the rivers murky...sometimes more than 2 foot...depths.
-Did I mention when the temperature drops as the day goes on...there is no sun to dry you...and you've already fallen in the river so you're soaked...did I mention it gets kinda cold? Oof.
- At the mid-way point I stepped out of the canoe into what can only be called lightning sand. It nearly bi-sected me at the ballz (I had expected solid ground underfoot and sunk in immediately up to my knee while stepping out of the canoe) and I actually had to do the whole two-handed "pull-my-leg-out" routine to get unstuck.
-It's funny how many scrapes and cuts you can get and not realize it due to cold water. Active. Open. Bleeding. I was like "oh hey..."
- I lost my gum somewhere. So my mouth tasted pretty narsty and I got self-conscious that my breath would knock out cattle.
-All that paddling? The "Oh I was a boy scout and it's just canoeing so I will f#ck some s#it up on this river BLAH!"!?!? That, coupled with sitting prone on that cold metal seat. Coupled with occasionally having to step out of the boat onto unsure footing. Or pulling it off shore with buddies inside. Or trying to get back in to it in waist deep water. Sheeoot. I started my new workout routine 4 weeks ago. Pretty intense, at least since I haven't worked out that hard for a few years.
Nothing. I haven't felt this sore since trying to manually stir cement to finish my side walk. Since carrying over 80 paver blocks, or shovelling two Volvo-sized piles of black dirt and wheelbarrowing it for a weekend. Folks, I type this after waking up at 6:30 am to roll over in bed only to realize that even rolling over in bed is a chore. I dropped my water bottle since I couldn't make a stupid fist to hold it. So I popped some ibuprofen and chillaxed for a bit before realizing the long, comic potential of my day.
And you know what? I had a blast. A real blast. Yee Haw. Let's tube if and when it gets warmer tho'.
KTHXBYE
So outside of my personal goal of having read (nearly) all the Harry Potter books in 10 days. (As opposed to my last, lame, unemployment goal of watching film series like "The Godfather" or "Lord of the Rings"...extended cut...) I was given an opportunity by my pal Davey to hit up the Cannon River for some tubin. (Or in my case, "tubbin". Rhymes w/"chubbin") As many of my fellow MN'an's can attest, the weather hasn't been very "July" like. Rather, it's been floating in the low 60's for the last couple of days. We were assured it would get to at least 75 degree's by Caturday, the date of our voyage, and if tubing were out then we'd go on and rent canoes. This...this all sounds pretty straightforward.
Now if anyone remembers the ill-fated trip down the old CR back in 2007, you will remember it was a bit of a castastrophe on my part. Lost my sunglasses, got ridiculously inebriate, attempted to emulate the noble dolphin while wearing my favorite cowboy hat and ruined it, not to mention bunging myself up pretty good on the rocks etc. And, in spite of wearing waterproof SPF 45 sunblock, managed to snare myself a dinger of a burn. Not fun. No way.
"Managing Restraint" was my theme this year. I figured a canoe trip would keep me safely dry and free of any river mishaps. I remembered all my Manitou/Scouting practice (That's right, friends. "J" stroke? "C" stroke? I'm all up in that.) So what if I hadn't canoed in 16/17 years. How hard could it be, right? And when you get tired/bored you either let the other person paddle or let the lazy river take you while you steer. So I bundled up, forwent sunscreen (and left the beerz at home, thanks!), and we all meandered South. Hey, the sun could still come out sometime too! What could POSSibly go awry? Well, when your friendly neighborhood B-Squad Ahab is at the paddle...much:
-My canoe was swamped, twice due to vigorous paddling away from the shore. And I'm fairly certain my canoe buddy hates me. At the very least, they switched up partners with me mid-way through.
-Cell phone, which was double wrapped in sealed ziploc baggies, was ruined...again.
-Cowboy hat now looks like a rumpled version of the "Sorting Hat" due to said capsizing.
-Somehow when the canoes were rented, we were taken to the farthest launching point upriver. About 12 miles. So after a while we were all like "I wonder what time it is?" and another canoer yells "5:30!"...(We started around 12:30-1 and expected to get back, well, sooner)
-That bit about the river carrying you? Nah-uh. It was almost still. See, in my fantasy world I had imagined something so low key it would make sleeping appear industrious. Nope. There was lots, and lots of paddling. And more. And sitting on a hard metal bench. For 6+ hours.
-I lost my favorite red flannel. That, my Diet Mt. Dew, sunglasses, and half a sammich all fell prey to the rivers murky...sometimes more than 2 foot...depths.
-Did I mention when the temperature drops as the day goes on...there is no sun to dry you...and you've already fallen in the river so you're soaked...did I mention it gets kinda cold? Oof.
- At the mid-way point I stepped out of the canoe into what can only be called lightning sand. It nearly bi-sected me at the ballz (I had expected solid ground underfoot and sunk in immediately up to my knee while stepping out of the canoe) and I actually had to do the whole two-handed "pull-my-leg-out" routine to get unstuck.
-It's funny how many scrapes and cuts you can get and not realize it due to cold water. Active. Open. Bleeding. I was like "oh hey..."
- I lost my gum somewhere. So my mouth tasted pretty narsty and I got self-conscious that my breath would knock out cattle.
-All that paddling? The "Oh I was a boy scout and it's just canoeing so I will f#ck some s#it up on this river BLAH!"!?!? That, coupled with sitting prone on that cold metal seat. Coupled with occasionally having to step out of the boat onto unsure footing. Or pulling it off shore with buddies inside. Or trying to get back in to it in waist deep water. Sheeoot. I started my new workout routine 4 weeks ago. Pretty intense, at least since I haven't worked out that hard for a few years.
Nothing. I haven't felt this sore since trying to manually stir cement to finish my side walk. Since carrying over 80 paver blocks, or shovelling two Volvo-sized piles of black dirt and wheelbarrowing it for a weekend. Folks, I type this after waking up at 6:30 am to roll over in bed only to realize that even rolling over in bed is a chore. I dropped my water bottle since I couldn't make a stupid fist to hold it. So I popped some ibuprofen and chillaxed for a bit before realizing the long, comic potential of my day.
And you know what? I had a blast. A real blast. Yee Haw. Let's tube if and when it gets warmer tho'.
KTHXBYE
Monday, July 13, 2009
Annual B'Day greetings to RSVP!
Happy Birthday, big brotherness RSVP! Your ninja self looks great, per normal!
Embarrassing big brother story #604:
As children, (young adults, adults, etc.) he always had an adventuresome streak. Yes, yes. In fact, 62% of the time he'd plunge headlong up mountainsides, down ravines, into forests, up hills...(Water traps were usually the places he'd say "Okay. Scootch down there and see what you can find..." Or, "We're going back in the woods to find a hidden lake. Stay home if you want" And Iiiiiii found it. And a dead cow. Ish)
So once, when we were very young and mama was getting her hair did at the Village North Shopping Center, we were traipsing around the back near Shingle Creek (pronounced "crick") proper where a culvert helped the flow under Zane avenue across from where our former dentist was housed. In a first, I got the "Stay Back" warning from he- meaning he'd go first and have fun while I would stay up looking lost and lonely in my Tuffskin jeans and yellow w/green piping tank top from the 70's with no adult supervision. As a rule, parents would ALWAYS avoid this kid perched precariously by a culvert whilst his only 2.5 year older brother was gallavanting. That's right. Not my kid, not my problem.
I did hear shortly after, a sound that would haunt my dreams and ring in my ears for yearsssss. It sounded like death. Like a wailing banshee, coming at your home bringing foreboding warnings. Like, like, a rattling Dementor- coming for your soul. (Actually, it was more like a screaming kitteh, seeing another strange kitteh. Georgie made the same sound in the breakfast nook last week when he saw a stray neighborhood kitteh getting in our planted herb-garden-sorry- HIS planted herb garden catnip. Bushy tail and all)
Turns out, young man found hisself a MUSkrat. Real ornery one too. Oh, he was okay. Tore outta there a$$ over tea kettle screaming. See, in the 70's? When your folks bought you a belt? They bought those suckers to LAST. Meaning, that piece of leather (or canvass) needed to carry you until you were at least, oh, 23-25 years old. Well, that left a lot of belt left over to dangle like a gi belt. Um. Only longer. So that 'skrat got it a HUGE target (lucky for RSVP) and launched at it like a missle.
And. Was mom upset at our risky behavior around a running creek, culvert, and potentially rabid muskrat out for blood?
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR BELT YOUNG MAN WHEN WE GET HOME I'LL..."*
Happy birthday, Biggie. I love you.
* In all fairness, this is similar to the response I received when hit by two 10-Speeds while she taught a community ed belly dancing class, and I was led in the building fauceting blood, splinters, road rash, and a bloody nose...age 4. Note to past me? Do not wear your nice cowboy outfit and try to cross the street thinking you were faster than the bikers.
Embarrassing big brother story #604:
As children, (young adults, adults, etc.) he always had an adventuresome streak. Yes, yes. In fact, 62% of the time he'd plunge headlong up mountainsides, down ravines, into forests, up hills...(Water traps were usually the places he'd say "Okay. Scootch down there and see what you can find..." Or, "We're going back in the woods to find a hidden lake. Stay home if you want" And Iiiiiii found it. And a dead cow. Ish)
So once, when we were very young and mama was getting her hair did at the Village North Shopping Center, we were traipsing around the back near Shingle Creek (pronounced "crick") proper where a culvert helped the flow under Zane avenue across from where our former dentist was housed. In a first, I got the "Stay Back" warning from he- meaning he'd go first and have fun while I would stay up looking lost and lonely in my Tuffskin jeans and yellow w/green piping tank top from the 70's with no adult supervision. As a rule, parents would ALWAYS avoid this kid perched precariously by a culvert whilst his only 2.5 year older brother was gallavanting. That's right. Not my kid, not my problem.
I did hear shortly after, a sound that would haunt my dreams and ring in my ears for yearsssss. It sounded like death. Like a wailing banshee, coming at your home bringing foreboding warnings. Like, like, a rattling Dementor- coming for your soul. (Actually, it was more like a screaming kitteh, seeing another strange kitteh. Georgie made the same sound in the breakfast nook last week when he saw a stray neighborhood kitteh getting in our planted herb-garden-sorry- HIS planted herb garden catnip. Bushy tail and all)
Turns out, young man found hisself a MUSkrat. Real ornery one too. Oh, he was okay. Tore outta there a$$ over tea kettle screaming. See, in the 70's? When your folks bought you a belt? They bought those suckers to LAST. Meaning, that piece of leather (or canvass) needed to carry you until you were at least, oh, 23-25 years old. Well, that left a lot of belt left over to dangle like a gi belt. Um. Only longer. So that 'skrat got it a HUGE target (lucky for RSVP) and launched at it like a missle.
And. Was mom upset at our risky behavior around a running creek, culvert, and potentially rabid muskrat out for blood?
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR BELT YOUNG MAN WHEN WE GET HOME I'LL..."*
Happy birthday, Biggie. I love you.
* In all fairness, this is similar to the response I received when hit by two 10-Speeds while she taught a community ed belly dancing class, and I was led in the building fauceting blood, splinters, road rash, and a bloody nose...age 4. Note to past me? Do not wear your nice cowboy outfit and try to cross the street thinking you were faster than the bikers.
Friday, July 10, 2009
What...The...Frass...
(Please note the way the arrow on the package points to...the package)
I know this is far from being a triumphant return to the blog-o-sphere (esp. for my 2-3 adoring fans. And esp.esp. b/c I'm unemployed...AGAIN!) But this was FAR too precious to pass up a thought or three.
O'er breakfast today, I was flipping through the B,B&B circular and whilst adding color commentary to the newest gadgets that our upwardly mobile public may covet (Oh, and B, B, and B? $55,000 contest for college kids? That's greeeeeat. Poppa will take a check, thanks) such as a "Over the door 16 baseball cap holding cap rack"- I mean that was enough to make me chortle, right? (Mostly because I own maybe 3 baseball hats. The oldest dating back to 1995 when I did the most pull-ups of the day at the Marine recruiting station. That's right. Marines.)
I didn't even chuckle when they advertised the "Snuggie" (i.e. the "WTF Blanket". Mental note- Moda's birthday is coming up) No, no...the "Man-Groomer" caught my rapt attention.
Man-Groomer. Say it out loud. Go on. Say it yet? It sounds, people, like a bad SNL sketch from the 70's along with the Bass-O-Matic. I mean, really? Really? The ad showed someone shaving their shoulders and then another picture with a bare (baaaare) chest with captions saying "SHOULDERS AND ARMS!" and "CHEST AND BACK"...captions that would easily be found on an ad for Bowflex or a Weider Home Gym. Except, and really, really- LOOK AT THE BOX.
It should be called "B#ll-Shaver" and be done with it. Really. Ain't they got no mama?
More to come.
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