I might as well sign up for AARP right now. In the midst of run training, I had these peculiar cravings pop up here and there. Most training manuals will encourage you to carb up ("CAN DO!") but I've been jonesin' for protein. Shrimp, Pickled Herring, Tofu, Buffalo Spiced Chicken Jerkey nuggets. And the last few mornings, in lieu of my 8AM oatmeal...fat free cottage cheese. Sprinkled with Tabasco.
Sick. Out. Buddy.
It reminds me of my first "punch the clock" job I had out of High School. Working at a Senior Care Center as a Nutrition Aide. (Heretoforewith know as "Kitchen B#tch") It seems Nursing Homes run in the family. Mom is an RN at a NE Mpls facility. One of RSvP's 1st jobs was at the neighborhood Care Center. (Can I tell the story? Okay, so he was "let go", right? He was supposed to be on PA detail to announce dinner to the residents. Except smartie pants says "Could the inmates please report to the cafeteria". I could never tell if dad was pissed or pleased. He seemed a healthy mix of both)
Anyway, the job sucked. And I ran the gamut of injuries. I pulled a basket of hot coffee that hadn't steeped fully on top of my head like I was on a Nickolodeon kids show. I developed a latex allergy from the gloves we were required to wear. (I thought I had leprosy. I took a 3 month sabbatical when I went to work at the "G" and the itchy flaking went away. So, I'd put on a pair of vinyl gloves with latex overs. Smart, I am) Hot steam in the face. Forks in the palm when cleaning off the trays. Toes ran over by huge food carts. It sucked.
What didn't suck? The food. Which we weren't supposed to (by law) eat. But we did. And because it was food for the residents (Heretoforewith referred to as "Sassy Seniors") it was Luh-HOADED with calories. Seriously. Read the side of a Lorna Doone package. Nobody eats that shit except for the Sassy Seniors. One cookie is made with 2 sticks of butter, half a tub of Crisco, and Sugar. Served with an Ensure, you're guaranteed 3,500 calories in one cookie and can!
Our prime targets to sneak the meals were usually: Cheesecake (Lord. I think I inhaled an entire cake within 15 minutes) Fettucine Alfredo, Meatloaf, Chicken Piccata, and Lasagna. We'd scan the weekly menu. You learned when to skip dinner so that you could gorge.
The things we hated? Liver. (And the smell doesn't leave you until you've burned your clothes and bathed in ammonia) And the dreaded lunch prep. Which meant plopping a scoop of jello (Hi-Cal-Jel. One cup had 1,000 calories) pudding (Why I will never eat the filthy stuff, ever again) yogurt (From a gallon jug) annnnnd my favorite: Cottage Cheese.
Which is why it baffles the hell out of me why I'd crave it. After dinner last weekend, Mom and I hit TJ's for snacks. And what'd I get? Fat Free Cottage Cheese. Which is now gone as of Wednesday.
What the hell? Am I pregnant?
Anyway, to celebrate my crappy haircut I received about 3 weeks ago and shows no signs of growing back (For real. I'm scared. I need a pompadour by June) and the cute hair that Moda sports in her latest show. (Go see it. Laugh. And tell your friends. http://www.mixedblood.com/mainstage/somebodynobody/) Well, let's all talk about my new haircut- (Warning- Language NSFW. Definite signs of Douchebaggery.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JMOh-cul6M
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