If you haven't guessed, I have very few things I say I can "hate" on. Canned mushrooms. Reality TV. Glenn Beck. Other drivers. All legit "hates". What can really color your day, are the food klepto's. It was bad enough a few weeks back when some D-bag took a bite out of my sammich and put it back. It's another thing entirely to get my yogurt and discover it's disappeared. (For some reason, people just really like to make off with their acidophilus fix)
The cake hath now been taketh, for over the last two weeks I've noticed that my fat free vanilla creamer has felt suspiciously lighter by the end of the week. (A small bottle usually gets me through M-F with some to spare. And that accounts for my a.m. and p.m. caffeine fix.) Yesterday was the proof in the pudding, as I was pouring it into my mug and was greeted with a trickling that barely changed the color of the coffee. (I'm kinda like James Belushi in "Red Heat" where there's a magical alchemical formula for that perfect coffee to creamer or coffee to cream/sugar ratio.) Needless to say, I was pissed.
So today, after scheming up a few Machiavellian revenge scenarios (Fill the empty bottle with cottage cheese and milk? Vinegar? BBQ sauce and water?) I decided that a little note taped to the bottle would suffice. It reads as follows:
To the person who has been stealing my creamer:
Just so you know, this stuff isn't cheap and what you are doing is still THEFT. Therefore I have licked the lid to this container, and I may or may not have a cold sore.
ps: I will be doing this on future bottles of creamer. HANDS OFF!
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