Drama at the Fair...

Oh. The State. Fair.

I had made plans to go with my two oldest and dearest friends since High School. The gig was we wanted to go early, do our business, and get out early. Since I knew I'd probably be up mildly late on Sats, I said "9 am at AL's, and we'll boogie from there". It was to be an "Old School" Day, since the 3 of us hadn't been on an outing like this in...well, a long long time.

Well...

I show up & the Gay Burrito is already there when AL says "Hey, there's this girl who I want you two to meet that I like and she really wants to join us. Thing is, she can't be here 'Til 10 am. Is that cool". Fine, no worries. We played catch up while he told us alllll about said girl:

21 years old. Cute. Claims to have been a cop in Friendly for a couple of months before quitting. She claims to be starting Law school in September. He says she's a spitfire, funny, and sweet. And kind of reminds him of Thora Birch in "American Beauty"

When she arrives, she says a quick "Hi" to us before launching into a profanity littered tirade on her cell which started with "I'm going to f#ckin' KILL that mother f#ck#r!!!". I quietly say to AL"You know something? I think I could motherf#ckin KILL a glass of water, please". The way she tells it, her roommate is a psycho and peed on her clothes and threw her shoes to his dog to chew up. (Ohhhh kay?) She thinks she wants to file a restraining order, has never done it, and wants company if the cops have to show up while the roommate is at work. (Wait, you were a cop right?)

Oh, and by "company"? She meant all of us. (Um...say what? Did you actually just make an imposition on people you met 5 minutes ago?)

Burrito and I are exchanging the same glance while AL says "Of Course." Great.

So we drive over to her place, and her landlord and the lot of us field questions from the "ex-cop" while she calls 411 for the non-emergency phone number. (Her comment "MINNEAPOLIS ISN'T IN THE 763 AREA CODE?!?!? WHAT THE F#CK?) I ask "Why don't you look it up in the phone book?" ("Um...I don't have one") "Sweetie, everybody gets a phone book. It'll be a number that starts 612-348-****" which prompted her to get up off her a$$ and look. (Which meant she hands the phone book to her landlord who looks it up for her) Gay Burrito is looking more disgusted by the minute and AL is quietly apologizing to us up and down. When she comes back she's asking "what do I say" so I walk her through a piece by piece explanation of how to talk to the officers and to base her concerns on specific times and dates the incidents happened and why it is she feels threatened. She says "WOW, that's good. Can you write that down for me?"*

Hey last straw. How ya doin?

GB turns and says "Um, We're leaving. Drop us off at our cars and we'll meet you at the Fair." articulating what we had thought we should have done before we even left. Girl guilted Adam into staying with her until the cops showed up ("You're not going tooooooo?") while GB and I drove off disgusted and b#tching about the incident the whole time. (It's almost 11 am at this point) I took a breath and though like Dorajar would think and said that it was an adventure that was meant to happen, and not only will we still have a good time but little nutso incidences like that make you realize how far you really are in life. They call us a few hours later to meet up. After walking back around the places that We had JUST covered (Which took up another hour), we headed to the Mighty Midway. And THAT, gentle readers...That's when the complaining really started.

This young lady b#tched endlessly (Like, little kid bitched too. It was either too hot, too tired, too this, too that. Pouting, really POUTING, the entire time.) which started AL b#tching. Which in turn got GB crabby. Right before we arrived at the Eco-Building (To watch the silly video I shot earlier in the month) and after the 4th time of being asked"Do you even KNOW where this place IS?" I turned around and said "Look. If you guys want to wait here. Or go home. Whatever. I don't care. I can check this out and have a great day at the Fair alone. Otherwise? Mumbo, Jumbo, and Peaches? Please shut the f#ck up."

And I walked off. And they laughed at their new names. And then we watched the game outside of "Trash Mountain". And they laughed at me. Then we sky-trammed it back to save our aching feet. And then we hugged. And then we left.

(Sighs)

I don't think he's talking to her anymore. And it makes me happy.

And for those keeping score, the total food tally for the day was: Deep fried turkey sandwich, two beers, a pronto pup, a gyro, and we shared cookies and cheese curds.

The end.

*Granted, she could have been really really upset and she did start crying while GB and I waited outside. But still. "Write that down for me"?!?!

I don't think so.