Ehhhhuhhhhh ooooooooo......Y'know I woke up this morning with a full head of steam! I didn't feel discombobulate or anything. It's just too bad I actually had to step out of bed.
My lambs, I am getting old. My body is "move-sore" today, to an extreme that I can't even remember. (Oh, yes I do! I do remember! Last time I moved, when I said to J..."That's it, the next time we move we're hiring MOVERS!!!") On my hands, the cuts and splits in my skin look like I washed my hands with Dial and Broken glass. How are you feeling today?
Saturday I spent the day doing some "final prep" work around the new place. I stuffed the Saturn to the gills, and hauled a$$ out there early to try and get our bedroom finished by our final move in. There were a few set-backs: A Carpeting Snafu (The bolt May-Nards gave us was too small. It looked like we threw a napkin-sized carpet square down.) We didn't have a working shower, or bathroom for that matter, J had 2 shows that day. I ended up working with our Dad's until waaaay late finishing up some last minute shmutzy stuff . Our dad's kicked me out...and I still had to go home and pack up our foodstuff/plates. On the positive side? J's Dad got there early and had already stained the BR baseboards/molding. Sweet! Not sweet? Having to drive the UHaul truck back to Menards to return the carpet. Diesel's handle like shit. Did I mention the truck had a rag stuffed in the gas cap. Or rather, the rag was the gas cap?
Sunday. Up and at them. Our last day sleeping in at our "old house". Dad was kind enough to go and pick up the correct size carpet and bring it to the house early. We stuffed our cars, (Again) and waited for reinforcements. All told, we had a great audience: Big bro and his wife, Ry and his girl, Sssssteve, and Caliente Carlos. (Even with a sprained ankle, the Sergeant was still gung-ho) The move only took 3 hours from start to finish...(With a meeting of 5 ADD guys, it probably could have been shorter if we didn't keep distracting each other) but no one drank my payment booze.
Bonus? The couch and chair fit through the front door! (Although we had to contort so much that I'm thinking we should audition for Cirque du Soleil) Dad and I finished the BR carpet and got the bed put together in time to have an (almost) complete BR for our 1st night.
J was worried about the cat , so she brought him over early. The litter box is now living in our BR. On our new carpet.
1st night jitters? Some dude was perched across the street, and he looked like he was staring at our house. (Or as my dad would say, "casing the new residents to see if they have anything stealable". )
Turns out, he was waiting for his ride. And their two kids. All the same, I actually started thinking about purchasing a home-security system, or a gun...
Wait a minute. I don't need a gun.
Come over for a drink, my lovelies. I can't guarantee you'll have a place to sit down yet, but there is a lot of love there.
Back to get the plates and drop off the keys, and I am officially a full-time NE resident.
Monday, January 31, 2005
Friday, January 28, 2005
You're weird
I've skipped one cup of coffee in the am for a cup of Green Tea. I hear it's good for you (anti-oxidents, cancer-fighter, blah) but, what they don't tell you is that it tastes like ass. I have a pretty strong stomach for eating food that most folks think is pretty gross. (plain water-packed tuna out of the can, plain baked potatoes...fat-free muffins from Perkins. Not muffins really. More like hand grenades infused with blueberries.)
The green tea makes my tummy roll. Liberal doses of honey seem to alleviate the problem, but man...just...yuck.
Moment of snark:
I've been getting a lot of tips on "home repair" since moving in, as well as the questions that typically come with. (What color are you painting the kitchen, what type of wood/stain are you using...etc) The last one (I thought) was pretty funny:
Co-worker: "So what type of counter-top are you getting?"
Me: "Um, I'm thinking of just making a shallow box to run the length of the counter, and filling it with sand. I just hope the cat doesn't mistake it for a litter box."
CW: (Blinks several times, then cocks head.)
Me: "Of course that's not too bad an idea either. I could always fill it with the clumping cat litter. That way if I spill, it just a quick 'scoop, sift, toss'!"
Funny to me anyway.
I called "Inherit the Wind" "Inherit the Ferret". I don't know why that makes laugh. The same ideology that thinks the audition for "She Stoops to Conquer" would be funnier if it read "She Stoops to Poop" or "Never the Sinner" is "Never the TV Dinner". I could go on and on and on...
Hee. It's Friday. And I move in 2 days. Fingers crossed kittens.
The green tea makes my tummy roll. Liberal doses of honey seem to alleviate the problem, but man...just...yuck.
Moment of snark:
I've been getting a lot of tips on "home repair" since moving in, as well as the questions that typically come with. (What color are you painting the kitchen, what type of wood/stain are you using...etc) The last one (I thought) was pretty funny:
Co-worker: "So what type of counter-top are you getting?"
Me: "Um, I'm thinking of just making a shallow box to run the length of the counter, and filling it with sand. I just hope the cat doesn't mistake it for a litter box."
CW: (Blinks several times, then cocks head.)
Me: "Of course that's not too bad an idea either. I could always fill it with the clumping cat litter. That way if I spill, it just a quick 'scoop, sift, toss'!"
Funny to me anyway.
I called "Inherit the Wind" "Inherit the Ferret". I don't know why that makes laugh. The same ideology that thinks the audition for "She Stoops to Conquer" would be funnier if it read "She Stoops to Poop" or "Never the Sinner" is "Never the TV Dinner". I could go on and on and on...
Hee. It's Friday. And I move in 2 days. Fingers crossed kittens.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
FI-nahlly
I hit Best Buy last night. Knocked that fucker out cold.
I kid...I picked up Return of the King and Spidey 2 w/some gift cards I'd received for X-mas. My original intent was to get a new Hands-Free cordless phone for the house since our old one died. Btw, I didn't think I'd be wanting one, but they are really super handy. Especially if you wind up busy 'round the house like we be. Feel free to check one out at:
http://home-electronics.net/Products/ViewDetail/0,7333,SI5-CNUS-LNUE-LI25-CI200826-PI310538-PGMTAwMDAw-LCUE-PC100817,00.html
Anyway, nada. BB doesn't carry them anymore. Sooooo, it was off to the DVD's to find the flicks I've wanted for a bit. Now tonight, do I go home and watch'em? Or go and move more schmutz to the new house? WW(the J)D??? She'd haul more shit over. Lot's of steam in that gal. Sooo, the house wins. House...always seems to win. (sighs) 3 days and counting.
I'm a bit bored at the Callboard. Nothing new and exciting has surfaced, and to be honest that fact that word association has taken over makes me tired. Oh well...I have a me-me to look forward to tomorrow.
I had a quality night last night. Over dinner at Don Pab's, A very close friend of mine professed his love for his new girl and he caaasually starts asking me about engagement rings. 'Kay. Waitress...'nother round 'O margies over here.
J forgot to tape AI last night. So I did it for her. Points to me! The reward was wonderful. And I didn't get to bed until 2. Fug. Nevermind. I'm tired as hell today. And I haven't been to the Gym in over a week, or 'Fu in 3 weeks. I feel a little rusty, and a little puffy. I should prioritize...but it's frickin tough for us random ramblers. Maybe I can read a little more of Will Durant's "Book of Modern Philosophy". That shite will put you to bed kids...let me tell you.
I took NyQuil...and the cat grew bigger.
I kid...I picked up Return of the King and Spidey 2 w/some gift cards I'd received for X-mas. My original intent was to get a new Hands-Free cordless phone for the house since our old one died. Btw, I didn't think I'd be wanting one, but they are really super handy. Especially if you wind up busy 'round the house like we be. Feel free to check one out at:
http://home-electronics.net/Products/ViewDetail/0,7333,SI5-CNUS-LNUE-LI25-CI200826-PI310538-PGMTAwMDAw-LCUE-PC100817,00.html
Anyway, nada. BB doesn't carry them anymore. Sooooo, it was off to the DVD's to find the flicks I've wanted for a bit. Now tonight, do I go home and watch'em? Or go and move more schmutz to the new house? WW(the J)D??? She'd haul more shit over. Lot's of steam in that gal. Sooo, the house wins. House...always seems to win. (sighs) 3 days and counting.
I'm a bit bored at the Callboard. Nothing new and exciting has surfaced, and to be honest that fact that word association has taken over makes me tired. Oh well...I have a me-me to look forward to tomorrow.
I had a quality night last night. Over dinner at Don Pab's, A very close friend of mine professed his love for his new girl and he caaasually starts asking me about engagement rings. 'Kay. Waitress...'nother round 'O margies over here.
J forgot to tape AI last night. So I did it for her. Points to me! The reward was wonderful. And I didn't get to bed until 2. Fug. Nevermind. I'm tired as hell today. And I haven't been to the Gym in over a week, or 'Fu in 3 weeks. I feel a little rusty, and a little puffy. I should prioritize...but it's frickin tough for us random ramblers. Maybe I can read a little more of Will Durant's "Book of Modern Philosophy". That shite will put you to bed kids...let me tell you.
I took NyQuil...and the cat grew bigger.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Ow
Full moon. 'Splains a lot of my recent cloddish behavior and mood. I never gave much creedence to the whole "full moon" behaviorism (Despite hearing it from my father, the cop, all the time)until I started working in call centers. Calls get wackier as a full moon approaches.
How it fucks me over? Let's see:
1)Subway yestiddy: Nearly biffed going in to get my sammich. Nearly biffed on the way out on the same damn patch of ice. Slip on the ice once, shame on me. Slip on the same patch twice? I'm a re-re.
2) I had to take advantage of the beautiful weather we've been having so I went fer a jog last night. Bad idea. It was frickin slick. Nearly biffed 20 or 30 times, and now my body is shock-sore. (Not, workout sore, but sore due to continually having to avoid crashing to the pavement.)
3) J get's home and sez that she forgot to tape A.Idol last night. She never forgets to tape her dreck. I tell her life will undoubtedly go on, and to have some wine.
4) Broke the frickin wine glass taking it out of the cabinet. Shards were everywhere, and I hate broken glass (This was born from when I broke an overhead light fixture when I was practicing Kendo. Gave me a narsty scar.)I hate it like Selig. That was for Hemp.
5) We were both pretty randy. And I mean randy! The double entendres were Fuh-LYING! What did we do about THAT? Passed out. Cold.
6) This morning, I'm tossing out the trash and forget that the broken glass is in there. I have a delicious gouge in my palm now. And it is still...bleeding.
Quick Hits:
-I am "a-political". I just think that people that get so mad that they insult someone else due to their political views is seriously messed up. Seriously. Adverb.
-We won our Life Insurance Industry awards. I get to keep my job for another year. 12 more months of accountability. Yee-haw.
-The same awards mean we will get bonuses in March. If it is the same as last year? I will be able to pay for a significant chunk of my new kithcen.
-I'm afraid it'll wind being a "National Lampoon" bonus. Y'know? Jelly or something crappy.
-The good folks at H.D. Gave us a much lower quote for our new cabinets. To the tune of $1000 less. Thank-fucking-GOD!!!! I hate being po' sometimes.
- Out of every 10 jokes I try out, 8 3/8's are really not funny. They wind up seeming like I "try too hard". Today's joke to my boss: (After treating her to a coffee in celebration of said Industry Awards) "Morning K--. Here's your Venti Ass Mocha." Apparently not funny.
-Oddly enough, my penchant for giving nicknames did not get me fired. I did call the Ass't Director of Life Services (A big dog, for the uninitiated) "Rooty-Frooty Rick Beau-Tooty" after the delicious IHOP pancake mess. He thought that was pretty funny...even though he didn't "get it". In case you're wondering? His last name sounds similar to the Rooty-Tooty Fresh N Fruit- Nevermind.
How it fucks me over? Let's see:
1)Subway yestiddy: Nearly biffed going in to get my sammich. Nearly biffed on the way out on the same damn patch of ice. Slip on the ice once, shame on me. Slip on the same patch twice? I'm a re-re.
2) I had to take advantage of the beautiful weather we've been having so I went fer a jog last night. Bad idea. It was frickin slick. Nearly biffed 20 or 30 times, and now my body is shock-sore. (Not, workout sore, but sore due to continually having to avoid crashing to the pavement.)
3) J get's home and sez that she forgot to tape A.Idol last night. She never forgets to tape her dreck. I tell her life will undoubtedly go on, and to have some wine.
4) Broke the frickin wine glass taking it out of the cabinet. Shards were everywhere, and I hate broken glass (This was born from when I broke an overhead light fixture when I was practicing Kendo. Gave me a narsty scar.)I hate it like Selig. That was for Hemp.
5) We were both pretty randy. And I mean randy! The double entendres were Fuh-LYING! What did we do about THAT? Passed out. Cold.
6) This morning, I'm tossing out the trash and forget that the broken glass is in there. I have a delicious gouge in my palm now. And it is still...bleeding.
Quick Hits:
-I am "a-political". I just think that people that get so mad that they insult someone else due to their political views is seriously messed up. Seriously. Adverb.
-We won our Life Insurance Industry awards. I get to keep my job for another year. 12 more months of accountability. Yee-haw.
-The same awards mean we will get bonuses in March. If it is the same as last year? I will be able to pay for a significant chunk of my new kithcen.
-I'm afraid it'll wind being a "National Lampoon" bonus. Y'know? Jelly or something crappy.
-The good folks at H.D. Gave us a much lower quote for our new cabinets. To the tune of $1000 less. Thank-fucking-GOD!!!! I hate being po' sometimes.
- Out of every 10 jokes I try out, 8 3/8's are really not funny. They wind up seeming like I "try too hard". Today's joke to my boss: (After treating her to a coffee in celebration of said Industry Awards) "Morning K--. Here's your Venti Ass Mocha." Apparently not funny.
-Oddly enough, my penchant for giving nicknames did not get me fired. I did call the Ass't Director of Life Services (A big dog, for the uninitiated) "Rooty-Frooty Rick Beau-Tooty" after the delicious IHOP pancake mess. He thought that was pretty funny...even though he didn't "get it". In case you're wondering? His last name sounds similar to the Rooty-Tooty Fresh N Fruit- Nevermind.
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Darndest Things
Politically minded folk say the darndest things. You want to read 2 blogs that lean lefty/righty?
The conservative view: (Fair warning, my liberal co-horts. Some of the posts may make your blud-boil. Read some of the archived 'Blogs, especially around the election.)
http://hempler.com/wordpress/
This site, compliments of my buddy Matt: (He hates Bush, btw. Fair warning to the conservatives out there. "Eat a bowl of Fuck" was his response to someones "anonymous" reply on his recent tirade on the Bush Admin. )
smelltheglover.blogspot.com
Two more opinions. My belief is that if you lean too far to one side, you are in danger of falling over. Write a letter or stop being so friggin smug. OR, eat a bowl of fuck. Is that with or without milk?
Quick Hits:
Anyone remember when the store "Wilsons" was called "Berman Buckskins"? Just checking. Buckskins..btw.
I had an "ex" that thought I was checking out every girl that walked past us at Northtown Mall. Made my life hell. I had to walk through the mall, staring at my feet once to prove a point. It was Pointless.
Temps in MN are now reaching the mid-thirties. Nearly a 60 degree turnaround from last weeks below 0 windchills. Just..weird.
Shakeys Pizza, Gatti's Pizza, and Farrell's Ice Cream Parlor were 3 hang-outs of mine as a child. Farrells had Barbershop Quartet servers, complete with striped blazers and straw hats. It's a 50's Grill now. If that is still there. Gatti's is a Godfathers, and Shakeys went to Ponderosa, to Key's Cafe, to...gone. Yup, memory is still there.
Don Rickles and Bob Newhart were on Leno last night to reflect on Carson. I love comedians stories, but I didn't think that the audience was really digging on them so much. (Mostly polite laughs)
I auditioned for a snowmobile commercial today. Didn't get it, for reasons previously posted. I had to make-believe I was peeing in the snow. Yup.
I received a complimentary email last night. It made my day.
5 days to the big move...beware.
The conservative view: (Fair warning, my liberal co-horts. Some of the posts may make your blud-boil. Read some of the archived 'Blogs, especially around the election.)
http://hempler.com/wordpress/
This site, compliments of my buddy Matt: (He hates Bush, btw. Fair warning to the conservatives out there. "Eat a bowl of Fuck" was his response to someones "anonymous" reply on his recent tirade on the Bush Admin. )
smelltheglover.blogspot.com
Two more opinions. My belief is that if you lean too far to one side, you are in danger of falling over. Write a letter or stop being so friggin smug. OR, eat a bowl of fuck. Is that with or without milk?
Quick Hits:
Anyone remember when the store "Wilsons" was called "Berman Buckskins"? Just checking. Buckskins..btw.
I had an "ex" that thought I was checking out every girl that walked past us at Northtown Mall. Made my life hell. I had to walk through the mall, staring at my feet once to prove a point. It was Pointless.
Temps in MN are now reaching the mid-thirties. Nearly a 60 degree turnaround from last weeks below 0 windchills. Just..weird.
Shakeys Pizza, Gatti's Pizza, and Farrell's Ice Cream Parlor were 3 hang-outs of mine as a child. Farrells had Barbershop Quartet servers, complete with striped blazers and straw hats. It's a 50's Grill now. If that is still there. Gatti's is a Godfathers, and Shakeys went to Ponderosa, to Key's Cafe, to...gone. Yup, memory is still there.
Don Rickles and Bob Newhart were on Leno last night to reflect on Carson. I love comedians stories, but I didn't think that the audience was really digging on them so much. (Mostly polite laughs)
I auditioned for a snowmobile commercial today. Didn't get it, for reasons previously posted. I had to make-believe I was peeing in the snow. Yup.
I received a complimentary email last night. It made my day.
5 days to the big move...beware.
Monday, January 24, 2005
Well now.
huh...A Quiz from the Geef's Weef's LiveJournal:
You are a DGT--Dark Gross Traditional. This makes you a Prankster.
Comedy for you is when a person is kept in the most discomfort for the longest period of time. This means practical jokes, pranks, and sticking a hair up a sleeping person's nose so he slaps himself awake. You are probably locked in some terrifying practical joke one-ups-manship with a like- minded soul. You are also probably a dude. Your Active humor score of 9/10 means you are a comic house on fire. You are Def Comedy Jam (for the first five minutes, before it becomes repetitive and degrading). You are a library of witty rejoinders, in-jokes, ad-libs and meatballs. Yeah, I said meatballs. They're underrated.
The trick for you is to ease yourself into a situation, since you have the capacity to dominate. If you're socially well-adjusted, you're awesome. If you're kind of nervous and twitchy like Daniel Radcliff in the Prisoner of Azkaban special features, then there can be trouble.
Sure beats the Meyers Briggs Type Indicator.
It snowed a lot. I shovelled our driveway 3.5 times over 2 days. This, foreign readers, is why MN can suck sweaty nads.
If it didn't sound so euphemistic, I would say "my ass hurts". It does, but you try pushing snow drifts 3.5 x's over 2 days, using your legs for support. I would say I need a snowblower, but in 6 days...what's the point? (We'll have garage accessed by an alley folks.)
Apparently, I need to see "Sideways". It's playing at the "Heights" theatre, right down the street from my new home. Coooool.
To peeps who read this and can help me move..thanks guys. The 250lb weight restriction was brought about by my father. He's a big man, who, when he sat on the rope swing caused the branch to...bow. Dangersously low.
You are a DGT--Dark Gross Traditional. This makes you a Prankster.
Comedy for you is when a person is kept in the most discomfort for the longest period of time. This means practical jokes, pranks, and sticking a hair up a sleeping person's nose so he slaps himself awake. You are probably locked in some terrifying practical joke one-ups-manship with a like- minded soul. You are also probably a dude. Your Active humor score of 9/10 means you are a comic house on fire. You are Def Comedy Jam (for the first five minutes, before it becomes repetitive and degrading). You are a library of witty rejoinders, in-jokes, ad-libs and meatballs. Yeah, I said meatballs. They're underrated.
The trick for you is to ease yourself into a situation, since you have the capacity to dominate. If you're socially well-adjusted, you're awesome. If you're kind of nervous and twitchy like Daniel Radcliff in the Prisoner of Azkaban special features, then there can be trouble.
Sure beats the Meyers Briggs Type Indicator.
It snowed a lot. I shovelled our driveway 3.5 times over 2 days. This, foreign readers, is why MN can suck sweaty nads.
If it didn't sound so euphemistic, I would say "my ass hurts". It does, but you try pushing snow drifts 3.5 x's over 2 days, using your legs for support. I would say I need a snowblower, but in 6 days...what's the point? (We'll have garage accessed by an alley folks.)
Apparently, I need to see "Sideways". It's playing at the "Heights" theatre, right down the street from my new home. Coooool.
To peeps who read this and can help me move..thanks guys. The 250lb weight restriction was brought about by my father. He's a big man, who, when he sat on the rope swing caused the branch to...bow. Dangersously low.
Sunday, January 23, 2005
A tribute...(And quick hits)
Closed Henry. Bye Bye "Hank". I'll miss some of the peeps who were in the show. I happened to go to 0 parties that were held, in lieu of sick fiancee's, and house maladies. To re-cap:
This weekend, The Geef and his Weef, El Cadwicks, Mother the 2nd all attended. I sincerely hoped that they enjoyed the prod, at the very least I hope they found me less than offensive. I'm a backtor. We're a sensitive lot. (This just in: Mom the 2nd said I was enjoyable, along w/the TeenF, and RPK. Teen was veddy sick btw.)
Next weekend. The Move. Although those who read this are never under ANY obligation...help would be, how do you say??? Enjoyable.
I hope that "Inherit" goes well, and I'm a little bummed I've missed it.
A quick tribute. Even though I have other Sheisse running through Mein Kopf.
Johnny Carson passed on. If it's your thing: light a candle, smoke a cig (Like he did during his commercial breaks in the 60's...or quaff a martini.) and smile.
I don't know of many people who watched his show that didn't think it wasn't funny. (Y'know? Like him or not, folks have never said that they've hated J.C.)
P's Comic Influences... (From a comedy standpoint)
Brit Coms (Eastenders, The Young Ones, Month Python, Fawlty Towers, Wooster and Jeeves, Black Adder...I was a little out of touch when "Ab Fab" came out...but I bet I'd of love it too!)
Redd Foxx, Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, Ernie Kovacs, Nichols and May, Robin Williams, Jonathon Winters, Louie Anderson, early Howie Mandel, "Uncle Lar" , Eddie Izzard, Bill Cosby (Strange...when Redd, Richard, and Eddie are in the same breath) Rodney Dangerfield, Albert Brooks, Danny Kaye, Van Johnson, Ari Hoptmannnn...
So many. I've liked all of them immensely at some point or rather. I've quoted theirschtick, so I could be funny too. It's just kind of a bummer when one of the good ones goes away. Heres proof once again: If God...that great big black lesbian in the sky, truly exists...they have a sense of humor.
Sleep tight. The peeps that read this, are (personally) some of the funniest guys I know.
This weekend, The Geef and his Weef, El Cadwicks, Mother the 2nd all attended. I sincerely hoped that they enjoyed the prod, at the very least I hope they found me less than offensive. I'm a backtor. We're a sensitive lot. (This just in: Mom the 2nd said I was enjoyable, along w/the TeenF, and RPK. Teen was veddy sick btw.)
Next weekend. The Move. Although those who read this are never under ANY obligation...help would be, how do you say??? Enjoyable.
I hope that "Inherit" goes well, and I'm a little bummed I've missed it.
A quick tribute. Even though I have other Sheisse running through Mein Kopf.
Johnny Carson passed on. If it's your thing: light a candle, smoke a cig (Like he did during his commercial breaks in the 60's...or quaff a martini.) and smile.
I don't know of many people who watched his show that didn't think it wasn't funny. (Y'know? Like him or not, folks have never said that they've hated J.C.)
P's Comic Influences... (From a comedy standpoint)
Brit Coms (Eastenders, The Young Ones, Month Python, Fawlty Towers, Wooster and Jeeves, Black Adder...I was a little out of touch when "Ab Fab" came out...but I bet I'd of love it too!)
Redd Foxx, Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, Ernie Kovacs, Nichols and May, Robin Williams, Jonathon Winters, Louie Anderson, early Howie Mandel, "Uncle Lar" , Eddie Izzard, Bill Cosby (Strange...when Redd, Richard, and Eddie are in the same breath) Rodney Dangerfield, Albert Brooks, Danny Kaye, Van Johnson, Ari Hoptmannnn...
So many. I've liked all of them immensely at some point or rather. I've quoted theirschtick, so I could be funny too. It's just kind of a bummer when one of the good ones goes away. Heres proof once again: If God...that great big black lesbian in the sky, truly exists...they have a sense of humor.
Sleep tight. The peeps that read this, are (personally) some of the funniest guys I know.
Friday, January 21, 2005
White OUT!!!
Between the last week of January in 2004 and the 1st 2 weeks of February, we received enough snowfall to place us at the average. I'm not sayin'...I'm just sayin. (And those hoo-doo masters, the meteorologists, are "forecasting" 9 inches. Wunderbar. There goes our audience for tonight. Except 1. More on that later.)
Quick Hits:
1) I love my country and what it stands for. I wholeheartedly believe in the foundations that our great nation was founded on. I'm a boy scout and consider myself a little patriotic. That being said, I'm also getting a little tired of listening to people bitch and whine. Stop it. I didn't want him back all that much either. Do something if it means so much to you. The end. OH, that being said:
2)To the religuous leaders who claim Bush in office is a "moral victory" for America. 'Scuse? Last time I checked, there was a separation of church AND state. Get off your high horse. Abortion and Same-Sex marriage didn't clinch it. Fear did. And we're not too afraid of you. Self-Righteous Dick Heads. Can't even get their messages straight. I've identified a peeve today, and thy name is smugness.
3) Had an audition at NUTS today. IA state lotto commercial, where a "princess" kisses the "Frog". I didn't know what to wear, so I just dressed nicely- as did the gal who read w/me. (Who, btw is gonna see the show tonight. In-teresting networking, n'est pas?) ANYWAY, some gal showed up in an actual "princess" costume. Yeah. I don't know how to take that, but...yeah. Yeah.
4) Wanting to take advantage of the weather, I went for a run late last night. Today, oddly enough, I feel fatter. Shit's just, you know, fitting tighter today. If the weather lets up at all, I'm gonna try to sneak into the club before Henry tonight.
5) We move on Sunday, January 30th. I'm excited as all toss, but I'm gonna need to send out the "help me move please" email and bribe.
6) For some weird reason, I remembered that the store "Wilsons" used to be called "Berman Buckskins"
7) Kissing is so cool. The world would be a better place if everyone would just, kiss more.
8) Herpes would probably be more prevalent.
9) A gal in my cast told me that she "decided that I was cute." ??? Damn. So, like, there was no immediate judgement. She went home, did some research, weighed the pro's and con's with her boyfriend, and said "Okay...he's cute."
I really am not sure how to take that. This is a true testament to the fact that I never get complimented on my looks. Evah. I also never receive specific compliments about things. I have a feeling when folks come and see "Hank 5", they'll say "Wow! You really are a good Backtor!" Back Actor. Get it?
Anyway...take a second to compliment someone regarding there appearance. Make someones day.
Expect 9 inches? I WISH I could say that to a....HEY OHHHH!!!!
Quick Hits:
1) I love my country and what it stands for. I wholeheartedly believe in the foundations that our great nation was founded on. I'm a boy scout and consider myself a little patriotic. That being said, I'm also getting a little tired of listening to people bitch and whine. Stop it. I didn't want him back all that much either. Do something if it means so much to you. The end. OH, that being said:
2)To the religuous leaders who claim Bush in office is a "moral victory" for America. 'Scuse? Last time I checked, there was a separation of church AND state. Get off your high horse. Abortion and Same-Sex marriage didn't clinch it. Fear did. And we're not too afraid of you. Self-Righteous Dick Heads. Can't even get their messages straight. I've identified a peeve today, and thy name is smugness.
3) Had an audition at NUTS today. IA state lotto commercial, where a "princess" kisses the "Frog". I didn't know what to wear, so I just dressed nicely- as did the gal who read w/me. (Who, btw is gonna see the show tonight. In-teresting networking, n'est pas?) ANYWAY, some gal showed up in an actual "princess" costume. Yeah. I don't know how to take that, but...yeah. Yeah.
4) Wanting to take advantage of the weather, I went for a run late last night. Today, oddly enough, I feel fatter. Shit's just, you know, fitting tighter today. If the weather lets up at all, I'm gonna try to sneak into the club before Henry tonight.
5) We move on Sunday, January 30th. I'm excited as all toss, but I'm gonna need to send out the "help me move please" email and bribe.
6) For some weird reason, I remembered that the store "Wilsons" used to be called "Berman Buckskins"
7) Kissing is so cool. The world would be a better place if everyone would just, kiss more.
8) Herpes would probably be more prevalent.
9) A gal in my cast told me that she "decided that I was cute." ??? Damn. So, like, there was no immediate judgement. She went home, did some research, weighed the pro's and con's with her boyfriend, and said "Okay...he's cute."
I really am not sure how to take that. This is a true testament to the fact that I never get complimented on my looks. Evah. I also never receive specific compliments about things. I have a feeling when folks come and see "Hank 5", they'll say "Wow! You really are a good Backtor!" Back Actor. Get it?
Anyway...take a second to compliment someone regarding there appearance. Make someones day.
Expect 9 inches? I WISH I could say that to a....HEY OHHHH!!!!
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Sad..but true
Quick Hits:
So I've cut down on my home-drinking (Too busy, too tired), fast-food (My bitches Chipotle and Subway) and I've 86'ed the snacks I keep here at work in my snack drawer. (Baked Lays, Fat-Free Pretzels, Trail Mix) and you know what...it's kept my weight down this winter. That's right, the winter lbs. have remained a non-issh. And when I do get time to hit the gym, the vascularity really pops out. (That delightful vein which runs along my brachialis muscle.) I still just look out of shape. Pooooochy...
It saddens me that 86'ing the 2 glasses of wine nightly is helping keep off the cookie dough ass. I'll miss our nightly trysts, Pinot. Oh Yes....
It probably didn't help me last night when I hit the Market and had 3. More on that later.
I've been dreaming about our kitchen. 2 nights in a row. Scary.
If you tag "boy" on the end of a sarcastic nick-name...it's hard for your opponent to "come-back". This dude in my cast (according to his school chum) likes wearing mascara. So I call him "Revlon-Boy". This snarky kid had nothin'! Yogurt Boy, Bowling Boy, Wet Boy, Porkchop Boy...Or Mr.Chicken Fingers... try it.
J and I were up til 1:30 "talking". Good stuff was aired out. But fuck-all if I'm not a tired mo-fo today.
Some lady posted a pic of her daughter next to the sign-up sheet for girl scout cookies. It's a pretty forced gesture by my reckoning. (Look at my daughter. She's so cute. BUY THE FUCKING COOKIES!!!) I thought about putting a post-it next to the picture that says "What flavor is she?" Tasteless, yes. But fun.
And does anyone else miss the name "Samoa's"? They're Caramel Deelights now, but some things just shouldn't change. "Somoan's: Do the humpty-hump...ah, do the humpty-hump."
I've the beginnings of a cold. My nose is running faster than an Olympic Sprinter on a BALCO binge. Got home from work ystdy w/every intention of hitting the Gym, The New House, and 'Fu. Nope. I passed out...and woke up even sicker. And did I do the right thing or what? That's right, I hit Market for my bi-annual visit. (Sally asked, P obeys.) And guess who didn't show? Sally. (sigh) I got there around 9, and left round 11. So take that boys. Start your drinking early with P!!!! I was exhausted...but it was good seeing the boys. Jabas, Kai-Sayer, Geef, Pust, and Carlton. I really should have asked the Geef how his Weef was doing. Sorry Geef.
So I've cut down on my home-drinking (Too busy, too tired), fast-food (My bitches Chipotle and Subway) and I've 86'ed the snacks I keep here at work in my snack drawer. (Baked Lays, Fat-Free Pretzels, Trail Mix) and you know what...it's kept my weight down this winter. That's right, the winter lbs. have remained a non-issh. And when I do get time to hit the gym, the vascularity really pops out. (That delightful vein which runs along my brachialis muscle.) I still just look out of shape. Pooooochy...
It saddens me that 86'ing the 2 glasses of wine nightly is helping keep off the cookie dough ass. I'll miss our nightly trysts, Pinot. Oh Yes....
It probably didn't help me last night when I hit the Market and had 3. More on that later.
I've been dreaming about our kitchen. 2 nights in a row. Scary.
If you tag "boy" on the end of a sarcastic nick-name...it's hard for your opponent to "come-back". This dude in my cast (according to his school chum) likes wearing mascara. So I call him "Revlon-Boy". This snarky kid had nothin'! Yogurt Boy, Bowling Boy, Wet Boy, Porkchop Boy...Or Mr.Chicken Fingers... try it.
J and I were up til 1:30 "talking". Good stuff was aired out. But fuck-all if I'm not a tired mo-fo today.
Some lady posted a pic of her daughter next to the sign-up sheet for girl scout cookies. It's a pretty forced gesture by my reckoning. (Look at my daughter. She's so cute. BUY THE FUCKING COOKIES!!!) I thought about putting a post-it next to the picture that says "What flavor is she?" Tasteless, yes. But fun.
And does anyone else miss the name "Samoa's"? They're Caramel Deelights now, but some things just shouldn't change. "Somoan's: Do the humpty-hump...ah, do the humpty-hump."
I've the beginnings of a cold. My nose is running faster than an Olympic Sprinter on a BALCO binge. Got home from work ystdy w/every intention of hitting the Gym, The New House, and 'Fu. Nope. I passed out...and woke up even sicker. And did I do the right thing or what? That's right, I hit Market for my bi-annual visit. (Sally asked, P obeys.) And guess who didn't show? Sally. (sigh) I got there around 9, and left round 11. So take that boys. Start your drinking early with P!!!! I was exhausted...but it was good seeing the boys. Jabas, Kai-Sayer, Geef, Pust, and Carlton. I really should have asked the Geef how his Weef was doing. Sorry Geef.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Well now...
I got lost on the way home from my Old Log audition. That area...well it's just kinda fucked up. Bays, Inlets, the shire. And on a gloomy day that area had me bass ackwards. The audition went well, or I should say as well as I could do. The dude I read for was, kinda, like me, albeit 4 or 5 years ago. I'm fairly certain I didn't get the giglet, but hey...no worries. I think I passed an ex whilst driving away which was weird ju-ju: The gig wasn't meant to be.
Speaking of ex geefs- Got an email from the Bear. (geef circa 1996 to 1997) Welcome back to town Bear. Our relationship, gentle readers, is the reason I fear getting burned to death. I'll leave that story for another time, but damn...it was funny. Her family is also the reason (I humbly feel) I get along well with lesbians. Notice how I didn't say I "play" well with the leebs. I heck, I get along well with almost everybody. I'm an equal-opportunity get-alonger-wither...person. Type.
(I think I get along with them. Whatever. Most folks will wind up talking smack 'bout my crazy ass when I'm not around anyway. See chapter 11: "Paranoid Ex-Fat Kids, Their Nipples, and Smack-talkers". )
Quick Hit:
This is on fucked up state in our union. It was 15 below 3 days ago. Last night, the blowing wind was almost...warm? Not "Bahamanian" by any stretch, but weird to be outside and not freeze balls. I actually started to sweat whilst shovelling.
QH #2: American Idol premiered last night. I hate the show, but I'll admit...I do like watching the 1st 2 weeks worth of auditions. It scares and saddens me a bit to think folks to be that delusional. I mean, some of them actually take it sooo seriously and treat it like the "be all end all" of their lives. And it makes me laugh so goddamn hard to watch it. Granted, as a performer auditioning/getting denied is a way of life, so I find the reactions from contestants a little bit maudlin. Although, if I had a director tell me "That was simply AWFUL. Acting lessons won't help you P...off you go." I'd feel my complexes grow.
I think we should write a play on those shitty auditions. Whaddya think, Geef? (The director "Geef") Do you have enough shitty audition stories to make a funny bastardization of "A Chorus Line"?) It would be golden.
Speaking of ex geefs- Got an email from the Bear. (geef circa 1996 to 1997) Welcome back to town Bear. Our relationship, gentle readers, is the reason I fear getting burned to death. I'll leave that story for another time, but damn...it was funny. Her family is also the reason (I humbly feel) I get along well with lesbians. Notice how I didn't say I "play" well with the leebs. I heck, I get along well with almost everybody. I'm an equal-opportunity get-alonger-wither...person. Type.
(I think I get along with them. Whatever. Most folks will wind up talking smack 'bout my crazy ass when I'm not around anyway. See chapter 11: "Paranoid Ex-Fat Kids, Their Nipples, and Smack-talkers". )
Quick Hit:
This is on fucked up state in our union. It was 15 below 3 days ago. Last night, the blowing wind was almost...warm? Not "Bahamanian" by any stretch, but weird to be outside and not freeze balls. I actually started to sweat whilst shovelling.
QH #2: American Idol premiered last night. I hate the show, but I'll admit...I do like watching the 1st 2 weeks worth of auditions. It scares and saddens me a bit to think folks to be that delusional. I mean, some of them actually take it sooo seriously and treat it like the "be all end all" of their lives. And it makes me laugh so goddamn hard to watch it. Granted, as a performer auditioning/getting denied is a way of life, so I find the reactions from contestants a little bit maudlin. Although, if I had a director tell me "That was simply AWFUL. Acting lessons won't help you P...off you go." I'd feel my complexes grow.
I think we should write a play on those shitty auditions. Whaddya think, Geef? (The director "Geef") Do you have enough shitty audition stories to make a funny bastardization of "A Chorus Line"?) It would be golden.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Tuesday Quick Hits
Long weekend, busy day today. Must dash.
1) After a week 1/2 of double-digit below zero temps and wind chills, 0 degrees can seem
positively balmy. I know Chicago is cold. I know Montana and No Dak both brag in
regards to how cold it gets. MN, can get fucking cold. Your boogers will freeze.
2) I've seen a couple of these "Kuik-E-Mart" convenience stores pop up 'round town. WTF?
Who are they trying to kid, man? Ohhhh, right right right. Copyright infringement
of my beloved Simpsons. My question is, who's working behind the counter, Apoo?
(Get it? Name change to prevent any copyright infr...nevermind)
3) Our kitchy lighting is almost rigged. We've 86'ed the idea of sheetrocking the up-
stairs BR. (Too much work, too little time) A layer o' Kilz, and then we can paint.
The color? "Neverwhere"...that's for all of my Gaiman fans. (Okay, it's "Ever-
more", but the gist was for all my Gaiman fans. Do I have any Gaiman fans? Is it
embarrassing to be named "Gay-Man"? What Kind of Superhero are you?)
4) J and I spent a part of the weekend being snippy. House stuff. It happens.
5) I 86'ed two parties this weekend in lieu of getting up ass-crack early to work on said
house. Some dorks in my cast actually left a prank call on my cell phone. Do people
actually prank anymore? Dirty messages? Kids today, I tell ya.
6) Our biggest house for Henry last weekend was 14. The Strib ran an erroneous calendar
entry claiming that our show closed last weekend. Nice. We still have one weekend
left kids. Is this what is stealing our thunder?:
http://pinwheelpictures.com/pointbreak/
7) Once again I try a jambalaya dish (Cheesecake Factory). It was delish, but the meta-
bolism kept me up half the night sweating. And I dreamt of recessed lighting.
I'm just not used to the rich food. So, the bags under my eyes will make me
look soooooo pretty for my Old Log Audition. Whatever. Pete'll get it anyway.
I read a description of the show, and it's waaay more his type o' gig. I look like
Robin Williams after a 6 day coke binge.
8) If you listend to WLTE long enough, the wuss rock songs all sort of blend together.
Seriously. In 7 hours, they played 3 Styx, 2 Journey's, and 4 Chicagoes. It remind-
ed me of the shit they would play during the "Snowball Slow Skate" at our local
roller rink "Skate Land". I won't even begin to bore you with my fat-kid on skates
stories.
I'm tired.
1) After a week 1/2 of double-digit below zero temps and wind chills, 0 degrees can seem
positively balmy. I know Chicago is cold. I know Montana and No Dak both brag in
regards to how cold it gets. MN, can get fucking cold. Your boogers will freeze.
2) I've seen a couple of these "Kuik-E-Mart" convenience stores pop up 'round town. WTF?
Who are they trying to kid, man? Ohhhh, right right right. Copyright infringement
of my beloved Simpsons. My question is, who's working behind the counter, Apoo?
(Get it? Name change to prevent any copyright infr...nevermind)
3) Our kitchy lighting is almost rigged. We've 86'ed the idea of sheetrocking the up-
stairs BR. (Too much work, too little time) A layer o' Kilz, and then we can paint.
The color? "Neverwhere"...that's for all of my Gaiman fans. (Okay, it's "Ever-
more", but the gist was for all my Gaiman fans. Do I have any Gaiman fans? Is it
embarrassing to be named "Gay-Man"? What Kind of Superhero are you?)
4) J and I spent a part of the weekend being snippy. House stuff. It happens.
5) I 86'ed two parties this weekend in lieu of getting up ass-crack early to work on said
house. Some dorks in my cast actually left a prank call on my cell phone. Do people
actually prank anymore? Dirty messages? Kids today, I tell ya.
6) Our biggest house for Henry last weekend was 14. The Strib ran an erroneous calendar
entry claiming that our show closed last weekend. Nice. We still have one weekend
left kids. Is this what is stealing our thunder?:
http://pinwheelpictures.com/pointbreak/
7) Once again I try a jambalaya dish (Cheesecake Factory). It was delish, but the meta-
bolism kept me up half the night sweating. And I dreamt of recessed lighting.
I'm just not used to the rich food. So, the bags under my eyes will make me
look soooooo pretty for my Old Log Audition. Whatever. Pete'll get it anyway.
I read a description of the show, and it's waaay more his type o' gig. I look like
Robin Williams after a 6 day coke binge.
8) If you listend to WLTE long enough, the wuss rock songs all sort of blend together.
Seriously. In 7 hours, they played 3 Styx, 2 Journey's, and 4 Chicagoes. It remind-
ed me of the shit they would play during the "Snowball Slow Skate" at our local
roller rink "Skate Land". I won't even begin to bore you with my fat-kid on skates
stories.
I'm tired.
Monday, January 17, 2005
Message from Dr. King-
I had the day off. Soooo here's your MLK jr. day message. My favorite
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in time of comfort and convenience....but rather where he stands in time of challenge, and controversy. "
So true.
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in time of comfort and convenience....but rather where he stands in time of challenge, and controversy. "
So true.
Friday, January 14, 2005
A titch nipply...
So, I should comment on the weather for today. And the next few days.
Fuck.
Fuh-reezing balls outside folks. Or, as the Germans say, "Es ist balls gefreezin". So that isn't the actual German Colloquilism, but you get the point. It is so cold that it hurts, and it's actually supposed to get colder. (sighs...) Not much point bitchin'.
Randoms:
J is getting better. I wish she'd make her appt. w/the specialist. She's bound and determined to wait until after we move. Btw, books are heavy, so I'm really thinking about donating some of them. I mean Really, Really heavy. The couch/chair combo and mattresses won't weigh dick.
Henry V: Not a great show last night, and my head wasn't all there. (I left it in the car) I even dropped a smegging line! Not uber important, but I did it. The cast was all abuzz w/review talk- which I think caused much of my distraction. I did sing "U can go your own waaaay!!" to Jay, who was compared to Mick Fleetwood in one of our reviews. He told me he would've preferred "Tusk". Backstage at the CRPC was frigid, hence the comment "It's a Tit Bit Nipply". Cuttin' holes in my costume. Need some pasties, or something. 2 weekends left, peeps.
Vanity Fair came out w/their annual Star Wars Leibowitz special. Cool cover, Cool pics, but considering how non-plussed I was with the finished product, I'll wait til the movie comes out to get too excited. Oh who am I kidding...I wanna see the big Obi-Wan/Anakin throwdown.
And to tie in with that: Is nothing sacred?http://www.hasbro.com/starwars/pl/page.news/id.1130/dn/default.cfm
Fuck.
Fuh-reezing balls outside folks. Or, as the Germans say, "Es ist balls gefreezin". So that isn't the actual German Colloquilism, but you get the point. It is so cold that it hurts, and it's actually supposed to get colder. (sighs...) Not much point bitchin'.
Randoms:
J is getting better. I wish she'd make her appt. w/the specialist. She's bound and determined to wait until after we move. Btw, books are heavy, so I'm really thinking about donating some of them. I mean Really, Really heavy. The couch/chair combo and mattresses won't weigh dick.
Henry V: Not a great show last night, and my head wasn't all there. (I left it in the car) I even dropped a smegging line! Not uber important, but I did it. The cast was all abuzz w/review talk- which I think caused much of my distraction. I did sing "U can go your own waaaay!!" to Jay, who was compared to Mick Fleetwood in one of our reviews. He told me he would've preferred "Tusk". Backstage at the CRPC was frigid, hence the comment "It's a Tit Bit Nipply". Cuttin' holes in my costume. Need some pasties, or something. 2 weekends left, peeps.
Vanity Fair came out w/their annual Star Wars Leibowitz special. Cool cover, Cool pics, but considering how non-plussed I was with the finished product, I'll wait til the movie comes out to get too excited. Oh who am I kidding...I wanna see the big Obi-Wan/Anakin throwdown.
And to tie in with that: Is nothing sacred?http://www.hasbro.com/starwars/pl/page.news/id.1130/dn/default.cfm
Thursday, January 13, 2005
It's not who you know...
...it's where you work out. Here's a happy coincidence:
I stopped at the "Y" before the show last week (Killing time before call.) and I had intended on finishing my workout by hitting the heavy bag for a couple of minutes before hitting the showers. And who should I run into on the running track but one of the nice ladies that works at my agency. We start jibber-jabbin' about the holidays, and the new house. Our topic leans towards renovation, home updates etc, and stimulates a fiery dialogue between the two of us about the trials and tribulations we've encountered. I let her get back to her workout, and I headed out to the theatre, commenting to J later that the last time I'd ran into this lady I got a call for an audition. Since I don't get called much, I'll take what I can get.
2 days later, I receive a call to audition for an HGTV show. They want a "host-type" with (get this) knowledge of home repair. Funny. I go, I make 'em laugh, and leave. I didn't get it (*) since I'm not quite the demographic they're looking for. It's just nice to get a call, y'know?
On my way back to work, I get another agent call, for yet another HGTV show. (A host who is knowledgable in the area of home repair.) Cool! I go and read yesterday for this thing (I didn't get it.) but the guy asked if he could keep my number handy because he said I had "good Improv". That really made my day.
All this bitching about the house...who'd of thought these fortuitous circumstances would have occurred? Certainly not me.
(* Why do I know I didn't get it? Weel, if you go out on enough of these calls, you start to get the feel for it. Here is an example from the 1st audition I went to- the dialogue goes like this:
Them: "Hi, you must be Marrrk?"
Me: "Close! It's M---"
Them: "Right, Right. Did you have a chance to look at the script?"
Me: "Yup! Ready to go!"
Them: "Great, let's get you in there"
***I do my thing. They start laughing and say 'Very Good', which means I've pulled something stupid outta my ass which will probably wind up in a commercial/show later.***
Them: "Thanks for coming" (As I leave, enter the next Actor. I've seen the guy before, and there's a pretty good chance you have too, probably on some commercial or rather.)
Them: "HEY ____! We were wondering when you'd get here!" (Producer gives this actor a big ol' hug. Note how they are already on a 1st name basis?) "Now, did you get a chance to see the shoot dates at all?" Blah Blah Blah. You see? This is the way it is. If they like you, you get asked a bunch of questions regarding availability: Can you make a callback? Can you read with the other host? Will you cut your hair? Do you own your own suit? etc...
Contrary to what you may think, I'm not being self-deprecating. You have to think practically, and really you should do this at any audition you attend. Don't set yourself up for disappointment by assuming you are a shoe in, unless they tell you you are in. In fact...don't ever assume. And don't pass up an audition. Ever.
My opinion is that it's a waste of energy to be mad at the companies who hold these auditions if they don't pick you. Better to take away what you can, and try to leave an impression.
The thing I can't help is that I have a small head, which probably acts as a deterrment when they see me. "Uhhhh, here comes peanut head!!!"
I stopped at the "Y" before the show last week (Killing time before call.) and I had intended on finishing my workout by hitting the heavy bag for a couple of minutes before hitting the showers. And who should I run into on the running track but one of the nice ladies that works at my agency. We start jibber-jabbin' about the holidays, and the new house. Our topic leans towards renovation, home updates etc, and stimulates a fiery dialogue between the two of us about the trials and tribulations we've encountered. I let her get back to her workout, and I headed out to the theatre, commenting to J later that the last time I'd ran into this lady I got a call for an audition. Since I don't get called much, I'll take what I can get.
2 days later, I receive a call to audition for an HGTV show. They want a "host-type" with (get this) knowledge of home repair. Funny. I go, I make 'em laugh, and leave. I didn't get it (*) since I'm not quite the demographic they're looking for. It's just nice to get a call, y'know?
On my way back to work, I get another agent call, for yet another HGTV show. (A host who is knowledgable in the area of home repair.) Cool! I go and read yesterday for this thing (I didn't get it.) but the guy asked if he could keep my number handy because he said I had "good Improv". That really made my day.
All this bitching about the house...who'd of thought these fortuitous circumstances would have occurred? Certainly not me.
(* Why do I know I didn't get it? Weel, if you go out on enough of these calls, you start to get the feel for it. Here is an example from the 1st audition I went to- the dialogue goes like this:
Them: "Hi, you must be Marrrk?"
Me: "Close! It's M---"
Them: "Right, Right. Did you have a chance to look at the script?"
Me: "Yup! Ready to go!"
Them: "Great, let's get you in there"
***I do my thing. They start laughing and say 'Very Good', which means I've pulled something stupid outta my ass which will probably wind up in a commercial/show later.***
Them: "Thanks for coming" (As I leave, enter the next Actor. I've seen the guy before, and there's a pretty good chance you have too, probably on some commercial or rather.)
Them: "HEY ____! We were wondering when you'd get here!" (Producer gives this actor a big ol' hug. Note how they are already on a 1st name basis?) "Now, did you get a chance to see the shoot dates at all?" Blah Blah Blah. You see? This is the way it is. If they like you, you get asked a bunch of questions regarding availability: Can you make a callback? Can you read with the other host? Will you cut your hair? Do you own your own suit? etc...
Contrary to what you may think, I'm not being self-deprecating. You have to think practically, and really you should do this at any audition you attend. Don't set yourself up for disappointment by assuming you are a shoe in, unless they tell you you are in. In fact...don't ever assume. And don't pass up an audition. Ever.
My opinion is that it's a waste of energy to be mad at the companies who hold these auditions if they don't pick you. Better to take away what you can, and try to leave an impression.
The thing I can't help is that I have a small head, which probably acts as a deterrment when they see me. "Uhhhh, here comes peanut head!!!"
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Too Much Dressing.
I love this town. The CeeP's review came out today, and it straddled the fence. When I noticed that it practically named half the cast, It actually made me laugh out loud. They're too sweet, and I expect the call from mom will come later today.
For your playsure:
http://citypages.com/databank/26/1258/article12846.asp
I made din-din for me and the schmoop last night. Pasta. Of Course. Crafty bastards, those Italians, to have invented that carbolicious shit.
And yes, Geef... I've fucking burned water on the stove. Turned it on, went to check email, got distracted by pornimeanlongemail. Smelled smoke. Water Stink. Pot Charred. Fire bad.
Easiest dieting tip in the world was to make a mess o' pasta early in the week and have it for "easy lunches" later. I'll have a couple of big ziplocs filled w/pasta and olive oil. (Keeps it from sticking.) Our two main dishes, which we tend to work in rotation, are chicken pesto pasta, (Penne, Grilled Chicky, Tomatoes, and a jar of pesto. Why go to Noodles and co?)
Or pasta, chicky, tomatoes, and fat free Italian dressing. Easy Peasy Italianeasy...and stuff.
Well, per normal I go off and frick the whole mess up. 1st, by squeezing the bottle so hard that half of it's contents poured onto the 'sta. (Oooooooo my arms...their just so beeeg Ooooooo. Whatever. I'm slow upstairs.) THEN, (I try to) cautiously pour the superflous dressing into the sink, succeeding only in dumping THE ENTIRE bowl of pasta over the plate I was using to slow the flow...right into the sink. I cursedloudly, then had 2 glasses of chardonnay (The brand was "Lucky Frog". Don't imbibe. Yucky.) and went to bed.
One last funny work story. A trickle of beauticians came into the store last night. Apparently they needed stage make-up for a class project. You'd think "Wow, P..Beauticians!" and come up with funny lines from "Real Genius". No such luck. They were nice and all, but they ended up treating me like a Barbie "Make-Me-Pretty"...After they were all gone, my hands and arms were covered in make-up and sparkles. I AM NOT A PALATTE!!!
That and I had gas. Hard to feel sophisticated and sexy when you ate veggie chili w/extra lentils for lunch. Bah-booom!!!! Why J wants me, I'll never know. I pay her...that's why. : )
For your playsure:
http://citypages.com/databank/26/1258/article12846.asp
I made din-din for me and the schmoop last night. Pasta. Of Course. Crafty bastards, those Italians, to have invented that carbolicious shit.
And yes, Geef... I've fucking burned water on the stove. Turned it on, went to check email, got distracted by pornimeanlongemail. Smelled smoke. Water Stink. Pot Charred. Fire bad.
Easiest dieting tip in the world was to make a mess o' pasta early in the week and have it for "easy lunches" later. I'll have a couple of big ziplocs filled w/pasta and olive oil. (Keeps it from sticking.) Our two main dishes, which we tend to work in rotation, are chicken pesto pasta, (Penne, Grilled Chicky, Tomatoes, and a jar of pesto. Why go to Noodles and co?)
Or pasta, chicky, tomatoes, and fat free Italian dressing. Easy Peasy Italianeasy...and stuff.
Well, per normal I go off and frick the whole mess up. 1st, by squeezing the bottle so hard that half of it's contents poured onto the 'sta. (Oooooooo my arms...their just so beeeg Ooooooo. Whatever. I'm slow upstairs.) THEN, (I try to) cautiously pour the superflous dressing into the sink, succeeding only in dumping THE ENTIRE bowl of pasta over the plate I was using to slow the flow...right into the sink. I cursedloudly, then had 2 glasses of chardonnay (The brand was "Lucky Frog". Don't imbibe. Yucky.) and went to bed.
One last funny work story. A trickle of beauticians came into the store last night. Apparently they needed stage make-up for a class project. You'd think "Wow, P..Beauticians!" and come up with funny lines from "Real Genius". No such luck. They were nice and all, but they ended up treating me like a Barbie "Make-Me-Pretty"...After they were all gone, my hands and arms were covered in make-up and sparkles. I AM NOT A PALATTE!!!
That and I had gas. Hard to feel sophisticated and sexy when you ate veggie chili w/extra lentils for lunch. Bah-booom!!!! Why J wants me, I'll never know. I pay her...that's why. : )
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
It's the Funk that ties...
Well, to give more creedence to the bi-polar state of TC critics, I'll let you whet your appetite on:
http://www.startribune.com/stories/1555/5179500.html
or how 'bout 'zis?
http://www.twincities.com/mld/twincities/entertainment/performing_arts/10612589.htm?1c
Hmmm...one liked it, and didn't like the fights. The other didn't like it, but liked the fights. And the Funk was the only thing they both could agree on. Funny.
Different strokes and all. I really have no opinion of reviews. And reviewers tend to be a bunch of self-absorbed, overly empowered, sawed-off, poncey-noncey wankers who have a penchant for masturbating adjectives to the point of full extent- with little or no relief. To their credit, they are the most die-hard theatre patrons, and often time our staunchest supporters, which says...something . I've also just described some actors.
And the mirror, P, is THATAWAY!!!
Mostly, I'm not too fond of how some castmates act when the topic of reviews/reviewers is addressed. "Who's here", "which paper?" It just smacks of distraction, of which I already possess plenty. (And I don't like the idea of people having that kind of power. Which is why I dislike the idea of idolizing sports and entertainment figures.) Your energy should be focused on what's onstage, not who is in the frickin' house. Let the director/prodoucher worry about that. There you have it. 2 reviews. Opposites. I think I've seen that in 5 outta the last 6 shows I've been in . Citypages will come out tomorrow or (par for the course)the Wednesday before our closing weekend.
Funk said it best last night...I'm really curious about this one. And here they are. Curious, Curious...just like Harry Potters wand.
Sorry about earlier drafts btw. I ended up working on the house solo on Sunday and was feeling a little daunted. Oh well. At least we got the drywall in. And at the very leaset, the "J" is feeling better, meaning she didn't cry at all from the pain last night. She just complained that I smelled like garlic.
btw: Luce' Vegan Brushcetta- Not too bad. Just don't expect too much sweet-lovin. If you're me that is.
btw/btw: Why is Christoper McKnight, aka "Peter Brady" built like a bodybuilder now? And a super nice guy to boot? Talk about making me feel self conscious. Note to self, don't watch the Surreal Life 4 anymore.
http://www.startribune.com/stories/1555/5179500.html
or how 'bout 'zis?
http://www.twincities.com/mld/twincities/entertainment/performing_arts/10612589.htm?1c
Hmmm...one liked it, and didn't like the fights. The other didn't like it, but liked the fights. And the Funk was the only thing they both could agree on. Funny.
Different strokes and all. I really have no opinion of reviews. And reviewers tend to be a bunch of self-absorbed, overly empowered, sawed-off, poncey-noncey wankers who have a penchant for masturbating adjectives to the point of full extent- with little or no relief. To their credit, they are the most die-hard theatre patrons, and often time our staunchest supporters, which says...something . I've also just described some actors.
And the mirror, P, is THATAWAY!!!
Mostly, I'm not too fond of how some castmates act when the topic of reviews/reviewers is addressed. "Who's here", "which paper?" It just smacks of distraction, of which I already possess plenty. (And I don't like the idea of people having that kind of power. Which is why I dislike the idea of idolizing sports and entertainment figures.) Your energy should be focused on what's onstage, not who is in the frickin' house. Let the director/prodoucher worry about that. There you have it. 2 reviews. Opposites. I think I've seen that in 5 outta the last 6 shows I've been in . Citypages will come out tomorrow or (par for the course)the Wednesday before our closing weekend.
Funk said it best last night...I'm really curious about this one. And here they are. Curious, Curious...just like Harry Potters wand.
Sorry about earlier drafts btw. I ended up working on the house solo on Sunday and was feeling a little daunted. Oh well. At least we got the drywall in. And at the very leaset, the "J" is feeling better, meaning she didn't cry at all from the pain last night. She just complained that I smelled like garlic.
btw: Luce' Vegan Brushcetta- Not too bad. Just don't expect too much sweet-lovin. If you're me that is.
btw/btw: Why is Christoper McKnight, aka "Peter Brady" built like a bodybuilder now? And a super nice guy to boot? Talk about making me feel self conscious. Note to self, don't watch the Surreal Life 4 anymore.
Monday, January 10, 2005
Henry V
I should probably disclaimer that those "moments" described in the last blog, are when I feel really connected to what I'm doing on stage. And while ultimately I feel consideration for the audience is very important, there is something extremely satisfying about those moments. While this show is the best work I can (A far cry from my "best performance" which was my 1st grade production where I played the "noble garbageman" in "Let's Build a Town.) but many of us play our parts well. Thanks for the honest feedback, Don.
That's right. I like getting feedback. Crave it actually. And not just director notes, I'm talking positive (or if the role calls for it, negative) reactions. The GeeF did that for me once when he mentioned that (in a kinda lukewarm production I did last year) this door "take" I did was pretty gosh darn funny. I didn't know much about that (Although I warmly welcomed the compliment) I did know that it hurt, and so it HAD to have been funny.
And then I've received feedback, honest feedback, after shows that could have prrrobably waited until after we had left the theatre. (Example--- Me: "what did you think?" Them:" Ehhhhh, I didn't like it all that much". Hello? We're at the CRPC. Other actors w/in earshot that can and DID hear you. This wasn't a friend o' mind, btw.)
I've been told there was a lot of "me" in roles I've played. So it's nice, really nice when you can hear someone say they liked something specific that you did. No matter how dumb. It's sometimes enough to validate a show for me. I hope you all like it. At least a little.
From "The Skyway News" 1st week of August, 1999. A review of "Swing Time Radio" at the Fringe Festival. Paraphrased for your enjoyment:
"Some show are a hit, some shows are a miss, and some shows fail to hit the target completely. (Body deleted due to content) Sweet singing, and Non-Hammy performances from P-----, Amy L, and Shelly D, fail to elevate this performance from the depths in which it wallows. This show hurts to watch"
ps: Spine and Nerve damage can and do cause illness, Portland. You're absolutely correct.
That's right. I like getting feedback. Crave it actually. And not just director notes, I'm talking positive (or if the role calls for it, negative) reactions. The GeeF did that for me once when he mentioned that (in a kinda lukewarm production I did last year) this door "take" I did was pretty gosh darn funny. I didn't know much about that (Although I warmly welcomed the compliment) I did know that it hurt, and so it HAD to have been funny.
And then I've received feedback, honest feedback, after shows that could have prrrobably waited until after we had left the theatre. (Example--- Me: "what did you think?" Them:" Ehhhhh, I didn't like it all that much". Hello? We're at the CRPC. Other actors w/in earshot that can and DID hear you. This wasn't a friend o' mind, btw.)
I've been told there was a lot of "me" in roles I've played. So it's nice, really nice when you can hear someone say they liked something specific that you did. No matter how dumb. It's sometimes enough to validate a show for me. I hope you all like it. At least a little.
From "The Skyway News" 1st week of August, 1999. A review of "Swing Time Radio" at the Fringe Festival. Paraphrased for your enjoyment:
"Some show are a hit, some shows are a miss, and some shows fail to hit the target completely. (Body deleted due to content) Sweet singing, and Non-Hammy performances from P-----, Amy L, and Shelly D, fail to elevate this performance from the depths in which it wallows. This show hurts to watch"
ps: Spine and Nerve damage can and do cause illness, Portland. You're absolutely correct.
Feeling a little 'whelmed.
I just gotta get this out. I'm a little frustrated again. Is it a full moon perhaps? No? Let me 'splain...no there is too much, let me sum up.
Opening went well. I'm happy with the production, the cast, and w/o sounding too terribly self-involved I'm really happy w/the stuff I'm doing. A rarity for me, but it is making the production that much more enjoyable. More specifically, I think there are some good "moments". I lied. I guess I don't suck. Which will do as well. Go see it. Some good peeps in it.
I took Friday off to do some drywallin' and sandin' at the new digs. J was 'sleep when I left, and 'sleep when I got home. 7 hours later. Apparently the flu. She calls in sick to work. Folks, she's worked professionally (read: Her bread and butter) for over 12 years now and has never called in sick/injured/or in a bad mood. Look up "trouper" in the dict. and you'll see a pic of my baby. I get home from the post-show reception (I'll delve into that later today methinks.) and she's crying from the pain. She just took meds, pulled up the sheets, popped in Will Ferrel "best of", and hit the hay. I was relegated to the couch for safety's sake, but moved in later on.
Sats was going to be karate/work/then show for me. J is still in mega-pain. Panicky Paranoic that I am (Read previous post on eating lonely fat-kids) I ask her 7 or 8 times if it is hospital serious. She declines. I skip kung fu and keep an eye on her. She goes back to sleep. I go for a run. I come home and see that she's STILL asleep and by the time I'm out of the shower she's doubled over. I tell her that I'm fairly certain it's not the flu, and I'm haulin' her ass to the ER. She doesn't say no. (Mind you, I get a little pissy that she wait's until right before I need to go to work to say "Let's go". I should have taken her in the frickin' night before. Hindsight)
We check into urgent care, and wait. Hour passes, and they call her name. 10 mins later she's in a wheelchair and they ask me (ME) to push her to the ER. I ask for scrubs. They say no.
If you've ever waited in an ER waiting room, or heard stories...they are all true. I knew this going in, so I packed a book (The Watchmen, thank you.) and placed us in front of the TV (Raging Bull. All edited and stuff) while she moaned and cried on the couch. As this went on, I felt myself get more and more angry. If it's tummy trouble (Which she's had repeat bouts of) she could have and should have seen a frickin' dr. YEARS ago. Instead, we sit for 2.5 hours. Waiting. I nearly finish my book.
They call her in. I follow, they say "SIT". I stew some more. They finally come get me. Watchmen is almost done. And I have to pee from all the soda I've imbibed.
She's hooked up. All over. Tubes Tubes Tubes. Any and all feelings of malice, selfishness, and malcontent fade to oblivion. We do the CT scan, head back to the room and I sit and hold her hand. Making half assed jokes as we go along. We wait some more for the results. I'm left feeling the kind of impotence that really should be relegated to people in more dire situations. It's just the "not knowing" is making me antsy.
I'm forced to vacate the hospital as 6:00pm rolls around to get home and get to the theatre by house opening. (I've already chalked up that I'm gonna be late. I don't want to leave her. It's killing me to go but she says "go". So I do) I make it to the show remarkably on time. I make a conscious effort not to blab my personal sitch to everyone beforehand, so they don't get all weird. I must have checked my cell phone 8 or 9 times. Show ends, someone asks how J's flu is going, I let a little slip about her sitch, and bolt out like a bat outta hell.
Thankfully, she's home by that time, having scored a ride from mom and dad. She has a severely pinched nerve and possibly a slipped disc. With no explanation for her nausea/tummy aches (Don't worry, she's not P.G. folks. Trust moi.) they referred her to a GI Specialist. She's seeing the 'practor today and specialist later this week. I'm tired folks. Really really tired. Sunday was a whole new bag of tricks. I'll tell you that later.
ps: CT Nurses don't like this joke- Nurse: "We're gonna take her in for a quick CAT Scan"...Me: "Really? Did you know my fiancee' was IN 'Cats', in case you find anything. You know, like a tail?"
Didn't like that one at all. I was nervous.
Opening went well. I'm happy with the production, the cast, and w/o sounding too terribly self-involved I'm really happy w/the stuff I'm doing. A rarity for me, but it is making the production that much more enjoyable. More specifically, I think there are some good "moments". I lied. I guess I don't suck. Which will do as well. Go see it. Some good peeps in it.
I took Friday off to do some drywallin' and sandin' at the new digs. J was 'sleep when I left, and 'sleep when I got home. 7 hours later. Apparently the flu. She calls in sick to work. Folks, she's worked professionally (read: Her bread and butter) for over 12 years now and has never called in sick/injured/or in a bad mood. Look up "trouper" in the dict. and you'll see a pic of my baby. I get home from the post-show reception (I'll delve into that later today methinks.) and she's crying from the pain. She just took meds, pulled up the sheets, popped in Will Ferrel "best of", and hit the hay. I was relegated to the couch for safety's sake, but moved in later on.
Sats was going to be karate/work/then show for me. J is still in mega-pain. Panicky Paranoic that I am (Read previous post on eating lonely fat-kids) I ask her 7 or 8 times if it is hospital serious. She declines. I skip kung fu and keep an eye on her. She goes back to sleep. I go for a run. I come home and see that she's STILL asleep and by the time I'm out of the shower she's doubled over. I tell her that I'm fairly certain it's not the flu, and I'm haulin' her ass to the ER. She doesn't say no. (Mind you, I get a little pissy that she wait's until right before I need to go to work to say "Let's go". I should have taken her in the frickin' night before. Hindsight)
We check into urgent care, and wait. Hour passes, and they call her name. 10 mins later she's in a wheelchair and they ask me (ME) to push her to the ER. I ask for scrubs. They say no.
If you've ever waited in an ER waiting room, or heard stories...they are all true. I knew this going in, so I packed a book (The Watchmen, thank you.) and placed us in front of the TV (Raging Bull. All edited and stuff) while she moaned and cried on the couch. As this went on, I felt myself get more and more angry. If it's tummy trouble (Which she's had repeat bouts of) she could have and should have seen a frickin' dr. YEARS ago. Instead, we sit for 2.5 hours. Waiting. I nearly finish my book.
They call her in. I follow, they say "SIT". I stew some more. They finally come get me. Watchmen is almost done. And I have to pee from all the soda I've imbibed.
She's hooked up. All over. Tubes Tubes Tubes. Any and all feelings of malice, selfishness, and malcontent fade to oblivion. We do the CT scan, head back to the room and I sit and hold her hand. Making half assed jokes as we go along. We wait some more for the results. I'm left feeling the kind of impotence that really should be relegated to people in more dire situations. It's just the "not knowing" is making me antsy.
I'm forced to vacate the hospital as 6:00pm rolls around to get home and get to the theatre by house opening. (I've already chalked up that I'm gonna be late. I don't want to leave her. It's killing me to go but she says "go". So I do) I make it to the show remarkably on time. I make a conscious effort not to blab my personal sitch to everyone beforehand, so they don't get all weird. I must have checked my cell phone 8 or 9 times. Show ends, someone asks how J's flu is going, I let a little slip about her sitch, and bolt out like a bat outta hell.
Thankfully, she's home by that time, having scored a ride from mom and dad. She has a severely pinched nerve and possibly a slipped disc. With no explanation for her nausea/tummy aches (Don't worry, she's not P.G. folks. Trust moi.) they referred her to a GI Specialist. She's seeing the 'practor today and specialist later this week. I'm tired folks. Really really tired. Sunday was a whole new bag of tricks. I'll tell you that later.
ps: CT Nurses don't like this joke- Nurse: "We're gonna take her in for a quick CAT Scan"...Me: "Really? Did you know my fiancee' was IN 'Cats', in case you find anything. You know, like a tail?"
Didn't like that one at all. I was nervous.
Friday, January 07, 2005
Top M.A.'s
1st off: Random rant from 2 days ago is dead and buried, and the Show situation is back to normal. The Powers that be took care of it. That being said, I am back to full-time happy. Go see Henry V. It's a-gonna be-a good. Really-Really. Swords N' Stuff. (Not like those crappy chili-stuffed hot dogs called "Frank 'N Stuffs" Barf-O-Rama)
I like wearing long-underwear. It makes me feel like I'm wearing a superhero costume underneath my duds. Y'know? Sneak into the broom closet to change and then save the world? Who am I kidding. I'd probably just go into the broom closet to masterb...I mean steal cleaning supplies. And I don't care for the bitter cold.
I was watching the fight scenes from the movie "Best of the Best" last night before dozing...and It got me thinking of the "best" M.A. movies in my estimation. I figured as a martial arteest, I have a different take on what I consider gut vs. bet. So, before I begin let me fart by staying...start by saying that I'm gearing this towards what I see as some of the most creative 'ography. Or the stuff that just fucking looks cool. The movies may suck, but damn...they can KEEE-Ick!!!! I'm 50!!!! In no partic order-
Best of the Best 1 and 2. (1989 and 1993) thought of as crapfests. #1 gives you James Earl Jones at his hammiest as an Italian...yes Italian coach. And Sally Kirland..wtf? Perrenial Douchebag, and mullet wearer Eric Roberts is at his teary eyed best. And Chris "Why can't I have a Mystic River" Penn does his thing. (Part 2 was no better, with Wayne Newton and A.Schwarzey's training buddy- 6'6" Rolf Moeller as the pre-requisite baddies.) Why watch these?
Phillip and Simon Rhee. The tourney fight at the end of part one will make you think that you are getting hit. No speed ups, no wires...just some bad-ass fighting. And some really crappy "Come-From-Behind" 80's music.
The Matrix (1999) Fuck the sequels and their stupid asses. Why did this movie work? Show of hands? The dojo training program and subsequent fight between Cowboy Curtis and Ted. Up until then, you had Van Damme and Seagal in their genre' flicks. This one had two mainstream film stars whooping it up. Seriously, they had, 7 different styles of M.A. wove together. Nothing specifically kung-fooey, they had Capoeria, Boxing, Shotokan...Uff Da. The next two films bored me. This got me right where I needed it. And did I mention Miss Moss? Oy. Points are going to be deducted because this caused every superhero movie in it's wake to use black leather as the costume du jour. And for Bullet time. Oooooooooo.
The Transporter. (2002) I know people that hate hate hate this movie. I thought it was frickin' cool. Just, cool. The first fight after Handsome Rob gets his car blown up is pretty bad-ass. Yep. I hit my buddy in his gonads by accident after a scene in this film.
The Legend of Drunken Master (aka Drunken Master 2- 1994) Um, if you haven't seen this yet. See it. I'm loathe to put a Jackie Chan film here, since they all sort of run together in my mind. Oh look, there's the money stunt. Oh Look, he's climbing the wall again. This movie kicks all sorts of ass. From the first fracas under the train. (Wow) to the big brawl (100 odd guys with HATCHETS! Props to the dude who falls over the railing has an onscreen super-bad biff. He must've drew the short straw) And the best "Super Baddie" at the end. It'll hurt to watch.
Ong Bak (2003) This will just be finding it's release in America w/ a different cut. Yeah, I haven't seen it and I'm not a huge fan of Muay Thai...but after the watching the super fricking cool trailer, but I highly suggest you check this dude out. The dude jumps over a car. A car. I hear tell they're doing a drunken master sequel with this dude and J.Chan. Yeeeeeeah Booyyyy!!!!
Iron Monkey (1993) Arguably the worst title here. The fighting is top-notch. JM even stayed awake for this one. Donnie Yen is the shit, and on the heels of this review check him out in "Hero". (Which I liked, until it got waaaaayyyy too commercial) and "House of Flying Daggers" (Hero 2: Electric Boogaloo) You'll flip for the Shadow Kick and "Buddha's Palm".
lastly
Rapid Fire (1993) and (Kinda) Showdown In Little Tokyo (1992).
I'm biased. I thought Brandon Lee was a kick ass Martial Artist and his loss was actually a pretty big deal to my brother and I in terms of celebrity deets. While Rapid Fire is his "star vehicle" he and Dolph have some brilliant shit they do in "Showdown"
(Namely the Bar Brawl. Lee does a backflip off a table.) It turns into a "shoot 'em up" but it has great fights. Rapid Fire I will find on DVD sometime. I've wore out my VHS copy. Why? The apartment fight (Ladies: all Lee with no shirt, whoopin' all kinds of ass on "bad" FBI agents.) and his fight with "the disposable bad guy" (Al Leong. You've seen him everywhere. Now see him Fight!) That Laundromat fight makes me want to be a better Martial Artist. Choreographer Jeff Imada is the shit (He turned the fights in "Daredevil" into the only redeeming quality of that reeeeediculous shit box of a movie) And apparently he lifted ideas from Chan, and Bruce Lee when creating the improvised fight stuff. Just, uhhhh cool shit. All Around.
Why didn't I mention the Kill Bill's? (Great fights. Really) CTHD? (Another great film. I love Michelle Yeoh.) Les Pact du Loups? (Mark Dascascos is the shit. A bad-ass-martial artist. In his movies he does the M.A equivalent of a hip-hop dancer learning ballet, or Meryl Streep learning whatever fucking language she's decided to learn this week) Ehh. They knew what they wanted to be when they were made. Kill Bill 2 gets an honorable mention, if anything for the "Cruel Master" training scene. Michael Jai White not making the cut sucks though.
I avoided specific genre' movies (Seagal's "Above the Law", DammeT's "Bloodsport", Speakman's "The Perfect Weapon". ) Great Martial Arts action and all, but they are there just to showoff the artist. Not make a movie. However, if you ever want to learn about Aikido, Tae Kwon Do, or Kenpo respectively...those are the flicks to watch. And why no Chuck? Cause Chuck's movies suck. Except "A force of One"...with Bill "Superfoot" Wallace.
Am I obsessed? A little, but see what happens to YOU when you are raised on a diet of Shaw Films and Sho Kosugi Ninja Action.
Sanjuro: You're all tough, then?
Gambler: What? Kill me if you can!
Sanjuro: It'll hurt.
I like wearing long-underwear. It makes me feel like I'm wearing a superhero costume underneath my duds. Y'know? Sneak into the broom closet to change and then save the world? Who am I kidding. I'd probably just go into the broom closet to masterb...I mean steal cleaning supplies. And I don't care for the bitter cold.
I was watching the fight scenes from the movie "Best of the Best" last night before dozing...and It got me thinking of the "best" M.A. movies in my estimation. I figured as a martial arteest, I have a different take on what I consider gut vs. bet. So, before I begin let me fart by staying...start by saying that I'm gearing this towards what I see as some of the most creative 'ography. Or the stuff that just fucking looks cool. The movies may suck, but damn...they can KEEE-Ick!!!! I'm 50!!!! In no partic order-
Best of the Best 1 and 2. (1989 and 1993) thought of as crapfests. #1 gives you James Earl Jones at his hammiest as an Italian...yes Italian coach. And Sally Kirland..wtf? Perrenial Douchebag, and mullet wearer Eric Roberts is at his teary eyed best. And Chris "Why can't I have a Mystic River" Penn does his thing. (Part 2 was no better, with Wayne Newton and A.Schwarzey's training buddy- 6'6" Rolf Moeller as the pre-requisite baddies.) Why watch these?
Phillip and Simon Rhee. The tourney fight at the end of part one will make you think that you are getting hit. No speed ups, no wires...just some bad-ass fighting. And some really crappy "Come-From-Behind" 80's music.
The Matrix (1999) Fuck the sequels and their stupid asses. Why did this movie work? Show of hands? The dojo training program and subsequent fight between Cowboy Curtis and Ted. Up until then, you had Van Damme and Seagal in their genre' flicks. This one had two mainstream film stars whooping it up. Seriously, they had, 7 different styles of M.A. wove together. Nothing specifically kung-fooey, they had Capoeria, Boxing, Shotokan...Uff Da. The next two films bored me. This got me right where I needed it. And did I mention Miss Moss? Oy. Points are going to be deducted because this caused every superhero movie in it's wake to use black leather as the costume du jour. And for Bullet time. Oooooooooo.
The Transporter. (2002) I know people that hate hate hate this movie. I thought it was frickin' cool. Just, cool. The first fight after Handsome Rob gets his car blown up is pretty bad-ass. Yep. I hit my buddy in his gonads by accident after a scene in this film.
The Legend of Drunken Master (aka Drunken Master 2- 1994) Um, if you haven't seen this yet. See it. I'm loathe to put a Jackie Chan film here, since they all sort of run together in my mind. Oh look, there's the money stunt. Oh Look, he's climbing the wall again. This movie kicks all sorts of ass. From the first fracas under the train. (Wow) to the big brawl (100 odd guys with HATCHETS! Props to the dude who falls over the railing has an onscreen super-bad biff. He must've drew the short straw) And the best "Super Baddie" at the end. It'll hurt to watch.
Ong Bak (2003) This will just be finding it's release in America w/ a different cut. Yeah, I haven't seen it and I'm not a huge fan of Muay Thai...but after the watching the super fricking cool trailer, but I highly suggest you check this dude out. The dude jumps over a car. A car. I hear tell they're doing a drunken master sequel with this dude and J.Chan. Yeeeeeeah Booyyyy!!!!
Iron Monkey (1993) Arguably the worst title here. The fighting is top-notch. JM even stayed awake for this one. Donnie Yen is the shit, and on the heels of this review check him out in "Hero". (Which I liked, until it got waaaaayyyy too commercial) and "House of Flying Daggers" (Hero 2: Electric Boogaloo) You'll flip for the Shadow Kick and "Buddha's Palm".
lastly
Rapid Fire (1993) and (Kinda) Showdown In Little Tokyo (1992).
I'm biased. I thought Brandon Lee was a kick ass Martial Artist and his loss was actually a pretty big deal to my brother and I in terms of celebrity deets. While Rapid Fire is his "star vehicle" he and Dolph have some brilliant shit they do in "Showdown"
(Namely the Bar Brawl. Lee does a backflip off a table.) It turns into a "shoot 'em up" but it has great fights. Rapid Fire I will find on DVD sometime. I've wore out my VHS copy. Why? The apartment fight (Ladies: all Lee with no shirt, whoopin' all kinds of ass on "bad" FBI agents.) and his fight with "the disposable bad guy" (Al Leong. You've seen him everywhere. Now see him Fight!) That Laundromat fight makes me want to be a better Martial Artist. Choreographer Jeff Imada is the shit (He turned the fights in "Daredevil" into the only redeeming quality of that reeeeediculous shit box of a movie) And apparently he lifted ideas from Chan, and Bruce Lee when creating the improvised fight stuff. Just, uhhhh cool shit. All Around.
Why didn't I mention the Kill Bill's? (Great fights. Really) CTHD? (Another great film. I love Michelle Yeoh.) Les Pact du Loups? (Mark Dascascos is the shit. A bad-ass-martial artist. In his movies he does the M.A equivalent of a hip-hop dancer learning ballet, or Meryl Streep learning whatever fucking language she's decided to learn this week) Ehh. They knew what they wanted to be when they were made. Kill Bill 2 gets an honorable mention, if anything for the "Cruel Master" training scene. Michael Jai White not making the cut sucks though.
I avoided specific genre' movies (Seagal's "Above the Law", DammeT's "Bloodsport", Speakman's "The Perfect Weapon". ) Great Martial Arts action and all, but they are there just to showoff the artist. Not make a movie. However, if you ever want to learn about Aikido, Tae Kwon Do, or Kenpo respectively...those are the flicks to watch. And why no Chuck? Cause Chuck's movies suck. Except "A force of One"...with Bill "Superfoot" Wallace.
Am I obsessed? A little, but see what happens to YOU when you are raised on a diet of Shaw Films and Sho Kosugi Ninja Action.
Sanjuro: You're all tough, then?
Gambler: What? Kill me if you can!
Sanjuro: It'll hurt.
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Magic Time
Okay. So yesterday's rant was pretty pissy. I have my reasons for being pissy about the last point, but guess what? I'll live, and I'll STFU about it.
It got me thinking about some past Classic's I've been involved in, and while I've enjoyed some of them, there were still some wonky-tonk parts of others. They're pretty funny, for their own reasons. And it won't stop me from pimping Hank the Fifth to my loyal readers. Go see it. If you're in town anyway... Without further ado:
Ass You Lick It: (At the "G") Louie, a U of MN MFA intern, had this "hate-on" for my 19 year old self. For no reason he made clear. Made it miserable for me pretty much daily. ("Hey shithead. What are you lookin' at?") A real putz, one day he actually got in my face. So I knocked him on his ass. He bounced up, got in my face again & sez (In his Philly accent) "See something that scares you?".
I say: "Dude, I've seen scarier zits on my ass." We turned into buds after that. Weird.
"Tempest" (@ the "U") I had to wear a unitard, covered in feathers. It was January. And Frickin' cold.
"Merry Wives" (TRP) I had fun. Got to make out w/Meredith M night after night. Music drove me nuts.
"MacBeth" (CSTC, performed at the Paramount). Where to start. Our first snowy winter in years, and the 50 minute St.Cloud commute was murder. The SM and ASM were pulled from a high school and a beauty school respectively. (They were reading "How to SM" books while we were in rehearsals. Did I mention I didn't get paid and they did?) SM got power trippy and kept yelling at people pre-show during our Fight Call. He screamed at me when I asked for 2 more minutes to finish. I asked him to step outside if he wanted to "talk". He sulks and avoids me the rest of the run. Cast is happy. (Props to the good people at CSTC for having the heat off in the Paramount theatre IN JANUARY, forcing us to rehearse several times in our hats, parkas, and gloves. Also for scheduling a matinee' on Superbowl Sunday. They had a rule that the cast helps out with strike. I told them to fuck themselves, grabbed my girlfriends, and ran away.)
Midsummer Nights Polo Shirt: 'nuff said. Meeting peeps like Kaiser, CLG, ZH, and LP always can enrich your life. 'Specially since I still see them. I was Demetrius, and costumed in a peach polo shirt, khaki's, and a paisley vest. Did I forget to mention the sash? Our set was like a big white wedding cake. With white background. Our staging was often times "back to the audience". In a proscenium. I got to listen to my "at the time" geef complain nightly (Re: the cast, the commute, the fact that I had a bigger part, which thereby allowedg me to hang out with the cast more than her, the fact that she thought my acting was "gay"...that was funny, considering what I was costumed in.) I had a great audition though. I'll take that away with me.
Lysistrata Lesson. Man. One of the 10 worst shows of 2002. (per the City Pages) And they were proud of that. I learned my "Lesson". Yuck. Just...yuck. I really wished that I had been in better shape if I was going to be parading around in my drawers. I did get to meet G-lover, JTA (Who is now MIA), and others. More friends to enrich.
Much Ado About Abercrombie and Fitch. Yeah. Went in as a fave, last minute. They set the show in a H.S. (fine). They cut nothing, which meant a 3:45 opus, with only some of the people really knowing how to read the language. Half were unprofessional. Our "Watch" decided that Michael Keaton had the be all, end all of Watches, and patterned his character exACTLY after that. The 1st show that my love see's me in. A little embarrassed at that. She tells me after that "Well, I understood you and TJ. And you were funny.") I'll buy that. No friends were born of that show, save TJ. Except he's MIA too. I'll give it this- that was the last show I did b4 I started working w/the good people at Pigs Eye and Fitty Foot Pengy.
It got me thinking about some past Classic's I've been involved in, and while I've enjoyed some of them, there were still some wonky-tonk parts of others. They're pretty funny, for their own reasons. And it won't stop me from pimping Hank the Fifth to my loyal readers. Go see it. If you're in town anyway... Without further ado:
Ass You Lick It: (At the "G") Louie, a U of MN MFA intern, had this "hate-on" for my 19 year old self. For no reason he made clear. Made it miserable for me pretty much daily. ("Hey shithead. What are you lookin' at?") A real putz, one day he actually got in my face. So I knocked him on his ass. He bounced up, got in my face again & sez (In his Philly accent) "See something that scares you?".
I say: "Dude, I've seen scarier zits on my ass." We turned into buds after that. Weird.
"Tempest" (@ the "U") I had to wear a unitard, covered in feathers. It was January. And Frickin' cold.
"Merry Wives" (TRP) I had fun. Got to make out w/Meredith M night after night. Music drove me nuts.
"MacBeth" (CSTC, performed at the Paramount). Where to start. Our first snowy winter in years, and the 50 minute St.Cloud commute was murder. The SM and ASM were pulled from a high school and a beauty school respectively. (They were reading "How to SM" books while we were in rehearsals. Did I mention I didn't get paid and they did?) SM got power trippy and kept yelling at people pre-show during our Fight Call. He screamed at me when I asked for 2 more minutes to finish. I asked him to step outside if he wanted to "talk". He sulks and avoids me the rest of the run. Cast is happy. (Props to the good people at CSTC for having the heat off in the Paramount theatre IN JANUARY, forcing us to rehearse several times in our hats, parkas, and gloves. Also for scheduling a matinee' on Superbowl Sunday. They had a rule that the cast helps out with strike. I told them to fuck themselves, grabbed my girlfriends, and ran away.)
Midsummer Nights Polo Shirt: 'nuff said. Meeting peeps like Kaiser, CLG, ZH, and LP always can enrich your life. 'Specially since I still see them. I was Demetrius, and costumed in a peach polo shirt, khaki's, and a paisley vest. Did I forget to mention the sash? Our set was like a big white wedding cake. With white background. Our staging was often times "back to the audience". In a proscenium. I got to listen to my "at the time" geef complain nightly (Re: the cast, the commute, the fact that I had a bigger part, which thereby allowedg me to hang out with the cast more than her, the fact that she thought my acting was "gay"...that was funny, considering what I was costumed in.) I had a great audition though. I'll take that away with me.
Lysistrata Lesson. Man. One of the 10 worst shows of 2002. (per the City Pages) And they were proud of that. I learned my "Lesson". Yuck. Just...yuck. I really wished that I had been in better shape if I was going to be parading around in my drawers. I did get to meet G-lover, JTA (Who is now MIA), and others. More friends to enrich.
Much Ado About Abercrombie and Fitch. Yeah. Went in as a fave, last minute. They set the show in a H.S. (fine). They cut nothing, which meant a 3:45 opus, with only some of the people really knowing how to read the language. Half were unprofessional. Our "Watch" decided that Michael Keaton had the be all, end all of Watches, and patterned his character exACTLY after that. The 1st show that my love see's me in. A little embarrassed at that. She tells me after that "Well, I understood you and TJ. And you were funny.") I'll buy that. No friends were born of that show, save TJ. Except he's MIA too. I'll give it this- that was the last show I did b4 I started working w/the good people at Pigs Eye and Fitty Foot Pengy.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Venom (Am I overreacting?)
Helsing will have to wait. As will Finding Nemo. I had a terrifically bad end to my night and I haven't shook it yet. For those readers who find this blog tends to lean a little "Safe" or "Vanilla" please understand that I have no real love of politics, and being of an easygoing nature I don't get riled up. That's done for today.
1) George Bush is an ass and an idiot. I don't tend to lean towards either direction, but what a complete fuck up.
"I pledge 35 mill for Tsunami relief. Whoops, did I just offer what I spend in one
day for MRE's in Iraq? I meant $350 mill. My bad. Carry on." Dumb. Fuck.
People are dying you prick, and you embarrass yourself to your party, and your even your DAD dumb-butt! Your DAD even wrote a personal check. Floors me. Politics invariably turns into a popularity contest (This is why, being a non-conformist, I dislike the process.) And I know a thing or two about PR. Nice going. Dillweed. Them Dems better start grooming someone better, quicker.
2) I hate everyone on the elevator. 4, 5,6, 7,8...and I work on 9. The smokers come in from break, cold and smokey. The older emplys talk waaayy above the normal "inside voice". I hold the door for all, and have it slammed on me just as I walk up to it. I am not phobic of the space. Just the douchebags who fraterinize on the elevator. If I didn't work so damnably high up, I'd take the mother loving stairs.
3) Twice I was nearly ran off the road. 3 occurences also happened where a turning driver signalled his intent 3 blocks early. Once I was cut off on the road, by someone who proceeded to slow waaaaay the frick down. I was foul by the time I parked the car, next to the Impala who thought themselves important enough to take up TWO spaces.
4) This dude has been calling my fiancee' non-stop about the "B and B" audition. Then he starting calling every-other-DAY about callbacks, and finally who was cast. He didn't call the theatre mind you, he called her. She's a performer folks. That's where she's listed in the program. And besides the general gossip she hears, she don't know nuthin'. I ran into this dude at the gym. He even asked me and I said I didn't know. Well, he heard something, 'cause sure enough he left a message about how he heard it was cast, and was (I)lying to him about it? Me. Calling me a liar in a back handed way. I was about to find out where he was staying and lay into him. He's nuts and I think he needs help. J talked to him and defended my honor, the lamb. But what a fucking douchebag.
5)My Commute to Woodbury for work. From Plymouth to Woodbury, because apparently I am the ONLY person who is comfortable freestyling in front of a group.
6) And this is the last. (EDITED FOR CONTENT)Bad sound cues can make a potentially good show...bad. I wrote a shitload here since this was the straw that broke my back, but I got rid of it. If you want to hear my grievance, ask me "offline" as they say at the office.
1) George Bush is an ass and an idiot. I don't tend to lean towards either direction, but what a complete fuck up.
"I pledge 35 mill for Tsunami relief. Whoops, did I just offer what I spend in one
day for MRE's in Iraq? I meant $350 mill. My bad. Carry on." Dumb. Fuck.
People are dying you prick, and you embarrass yourself to your party, and your even your DAD dumb-butt! Your DAD even wrote a personal check. Floors me. Politics invariably turns into a popularity contest (This is why, being a non-conformist, I dislike the process.) And I know a thing or two about PR. Nice going. Dillweed. Them Dems better start grooming someone better, quicker.
2) I hate everyone on the elevator. 4, 5,6, 7,8...and I work on 9. The smokers come in from break, cold and smokey. The older emplys talk waaayy above the normal "inside voice". I hold the door for all, and have it slammed on me just as I walk up to it. I am not phobic of the space. Just the douchebags who fraterinize on the elevator. If I didn't work so damnably high up, I'd take the mother loving stairs.
3) Twice I was nearly ran off the road. 3 occurences also happened where a turning driver signalled his intent 3 blocks early. Once I was cut off on the road, by someone who proceeded to slow waaaaay the frick down. I was foul by the time I parked the car, next to the Impala who thought themselves important enough to take up TWO spaces.
4) This dude has been calling my fiancee' non-stop about the "B and B" audition. Then he starting calling every-other-DAY about callbacks, and finally who was cast. He didn't call the theatre mind you, he called her. She's a performer folks. That's where she's listed in the program. And besides the general gossip she hears, she don't know nuthin'. I ran into this dude at the gym. He even asked me and I said I didn't know. Well, he heard something, 'cause sure enough he left a message about how he heard it was cast, and was (I)lying to him about it? Me. Calling me a liar in a back handed way. I was about to find out where he was staying and lay into him. He's nuts and I think he needs help. J talked to him and defended my honor, the lamb. But what a fucking douchebag.
5)My Commute to Woodbury for work. From Plymouth to Woodbury, because apparently I am the ONLY person who is comfortable freestyling in front of a group.
6) And this is the last. (EDITED FOR CONTENT)Bad sound cues can make a potentially good show...bad. I wrote a shitload here since this was the straw that broke my back, but I got rid of it. If you want to hear my grievance, ask me "offline" as they say at the office.
Monday, January 03, 2005
3rd already?
Well, besides grossing you all out with my New Years Grooming, I should probably have focused on the actual night itself. For example: How J looked (Gorgeous. I mean, just...yum.), How I looked (Like a besuited nerd-opolis.), How late I stayed up (4:30am), or how drunk I was. (Fairly. see the list below for all the nastiness I imbibed)
Midnight snuck up rather quickly (I had just overheard someone say "3 minutes!" almost immediately before the bandleader starts up with the whole countdown.."10, 9, 8, 7..." synchronize your swatches, dorko's!) Many kisses were shared, and we hosted a small after party gathering in our suite. (By 1:45am, we began to dispair that no one would show. By 3:30am we began to despair that no one would leave! And that we wouldn't be able to commence in any of our own New Years debauchery.) All told, the night was casual, and fun. And can I just add that being a new homeowner gives you an almost endless topic of conversation to fall back on? I had (What only seemed like) delightful conversations with folks about our houses. Very good times.
Here are the total's of what I ingested: 1 subway sub, 6-7 glasses of Pinot Grigio (One glass was dropped and broke) 2.5 glasses of champagne (Finishing J's so that she could go grab another "collectors" glass. Great. Now we won't be able to have Champagne in THOSE glasses until we celebrate New Years 2005 again!) 2 glasses of Chard (Blech, after the pinot) 3 diet cokes, 2 pineapple juices, assorted chips/nuts/M & M's, Shrimp Thingytail, and a choco-cheesecake truffle. Those last few things were all drunk food. And that crap fueled me for the whole day of manual labor that followed.
Current House assessment: Still freaking. Front and back rooms have been painted. Kitchen is re-wired now (ready for the updates) Stairs have been sanded and ready for staining. (Ahhh, more chemicals to inhale) We begin purchasing the shit-rock next weekend. God help us for those projects.
Was it just me, or did the snow that fell on the first have the same consistentcy as table salt and boxed mashed potatoes? It was just...weird.
Tomorrow, I regale you with my "Van Helsing" review (Not bad..not great, just not bad) and why I hate everybody who shares the elevator with me. Wankers.
Midnight snuck up rather quickly (I had just overheard someone say "3 minutes!" almost immediately before the bandleader starts up with the whole countdown.."10, 9, 8, 7..." synchronize your swatches, dorko's!) Many kisses were shared, and we hosted a small after party gathering in our suite. (By 1:45am, we began to dispair that no one would show. By 3:30am we began to despair that no one would leave! And that we wouldn't be able to commence in any of our own New Years debauchery.) All told, the night was casual, and fun. And can I just add that being a new homeowner gives you an almost endless topic of conversation to fall back on? I had (What only seemed like) delightful conversations with folks about our houses. Very good times.
Here are the total's of what I ingested: 1 subway sub, 6-7 glasses of Pinot Grigio (One glass was dropped and broke) 2.5 glasses of champagne (Finishing J's so that she could go grab another "collectors" glass. Great. Now we won't be able to have Champagne in THOSE glasses until we celebrate New Years 2005 again!) 2 glasses of Chard (Blech, after the pinot) 3 diet cokes, 2 pineapple juices, assorted chips/nuts/M & M's, Shrimp Thingytail, and a choco-cheesecake truffle. Those last few things were all drunk food. And that crap fueled me for the whole day of manual labor that followed.
Current House assessment: Still freaking. Front and back rooms have been painted. Kitchen is re-wired now (ready for the updates) Stairs have been sanded and ready for staining. (Ahhh, more chemicals to inhale) We begin purchasing the shit-rock next weekend. God help us for those projects.
Was it just me, or did the snow that fell on the first have the same consistentcy as table salt and boxed mashed potatoes? It was just...weird.
Tomorrow, I regale you with my "Van Helsing" review (Not bad..not great, just not bad) and why I hate everybody who shares the elevator with me. Wankers.
Sunday, January 02, 2005
It's just not the same.
Happy New Year everyone! My first post of the year, and it is my goal to help those who haven't figured it out yet, that I am a complete re-ray.
J and I headed out to Chan a little early (After having spent the day re-wiring and painting.)to relax and hot tub a little, pre-party. Now I don't know about y'all, but yours truly is all about hotels. I love 'em. After growing up a fairly low-maintenence child (No "Hollywood showers" at the P home. 5 mins in and out buddy, let's NOT waste the hot water.) into a fairly low-maintenence adult- I love taking 2 hour showers when I'm at a hotel. I jump on the bed, I look for porn under the mattress, and I take my time in the shower. Get me? My normal "man-prep" routine at home includes shaving in the shower. (I have one of those nifty fogless mirrors.) but sans mirror, I do the old fashioned "over the sink" method. For New Years, I gotta be smooth for all that smooching. I took my time in the hot tub (Figuring on taking a shower-rinse after my pores have all been opened up) got out, unpacked my razor annnnnd:
Imagine my chagrin when I can't seem to find my shave gel. My travel sized can didn't get packed apparently, and at 10pm I'm already running a little behind. I spy J's Leg Shave Gel on the side of the tub, and take it upon myself to pull a MacGuyver-ish Improvised Experiment.
1) Goes into the hand a little thinner than my stuff. After applying, I notice the lather isn't
quite as pronounced. Still, it lathers.
2) So far so good. I'm taking my time here. No rush jobs.
3) 1st traces of the infamous "red dots" start making their appearances. Go figure it'd be
around my neck.
4) The sink is starting to look like Quint rinsed out the chum-bucket. Dear God, I don't own
a stiptic pen.
5) Done. After drying off and doing my best to blanche the wounds, I apply liberal doses of
After shave gel. Go fig. No cream. Just the "after shave"
6) Decide to take quick shower now. No time for full shower opus. Just enough to shave the
the rest of the gear and get smelling pretty. I open the shower doors to discover!!!
I had unpacked my shaving cream and set it in the shower next to my shampoo and bodywarsh.
Yup.
J and I headed out to Chan a little early (After having spent the day re-wiring and painting.)to relax and hot tub a little, pre-party. Now I don't know about y'all, but yours truly is all about hotels. I love 'em. After growing up a fairly low-maintenence child (No "Hollywood showers" at the P home. 5 mins in and out buddy, let's NOT waste the hot water.) into a fairly low-maintenence adult- I love taking 2 hour showers when I'm at a hotel. I jump on the bed, I look for porn under the mattress, and I take my time in the shower. Get me? My normal "man-prep" routine at home includes shaving in the shower. (I have one of those nifty fogless mirrors.) but sans mirror, I do the old fashioned "over the sink" method. For New Years, I gotta be smooth for all that smooching. I took my time in the hot tub (Figuring on taking a shower-rinse after my pores have all been opened up) got out, unpacked my razor annnnnd:
Imagine my chagrin when I can't seem to find my shave gel. My travel sized can didn't get packed apparently, and at 10pm I'm already running a little behind. I spy J's Leg Shave Gel on the side of the tub, and take it upon myself to pull a MacGuyver-ish Improvised Experiment.
1) Goes into the hand a little thinner than my stuff. After applying, I notice the lather isn't
quite as pronounced. Still, it lathers.
2) So far so good. I'm taking my time here. No rush jobs.
3) 1st traces of the infamous "red dots" start making their appearances. Go figure it'd be
around my neck.
4) The sink is starting to look like Quint rinsed out the chum-bucket. Dear God, I don't own
a stiptic pen.
5) Done. After drying off and doing my best to blanche the wounds, I apply liberal doses of
After shave gel. Go fig. No cream. Just the "after shave"
6) Decide to take quick shower now. No time for full shower opus. Just enough to shave the
the rest of the gear and get smelling pretty. I open the shower doors to discover!!!
I had unpacked my shaving cream and set it in the shower next to my shampoo and bodywarsh.
Yup.
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