So by the end of the day, I was famished, but I thought that it was getting too close to dinner to want to eat anything filling. My parents are NO-torious for wanting to feed me, and typically not a cuisine that I'm particularly fond of, like Culvers. (With the exception of the Greek Barley Salad he'd made earlier. I had a bite. A couple. Enough to have him shout my full first name from across the room when I went in for another fork full.) Anyway, they've been chomping at the bit to buy me dinner, and after mentioning to Dad that I was gonna stop and grab a bag of pretzels or a sammy on the way home, he frassed and said he was gonna take me to a "sit down" place for dinner. Never mind that I'd been frassin' in the garage and yard all day, was covered in dirt and dog hair, and had forgotten my belt (Which caused me no end of frustration, as they were my old grubby jeans and have this propensity to depart my waistline when they feel the urge. Which is always. Which meant I was continually trying to keep them hiked up.) So yeah, I wasn't at my prettiest. And Dad was already tearing ass home to get mom.
I follow him back, and frassed that I didn't really feel like eating a sit down dinner at their favorite diner, and he frassed back:
"You're making me angry right now. I've been trying to get you have dinner with your mom and I at a restaurant for ages and you're saying 'no'? 10 minutes ago you were starving? Are you bulimic?" (Insert Mom: "Anorexic, dear. Bulimics puke. Are you puking, sweetie?")
"Guys, please..that's not it at all. Mo's coming over for dinner in about 1.5 hours, and I don't really feel the need to have something to mow right before we eat. I'll grab a handful of nuts or something to tide me over in the meantime. Let's make dinner an enjoyable night when we're all clean and frassless. Cool? Gardens of Salonica sound yumster? Greek?"
The threat of dinner seemed to cool their jets a bit. They told me I had a lovely lawn, and were proud of the work I'd done. Mom was jealous that the Lion statuaries were living at my place now, and I assured her she can stop over any old time to say hi. I even named them Sigfried and Roy.
Wow. Lengthy, I know. All this to tell you that my car is ready for a weekend road trip 4 buddies, and that I now am the proud owner of two lion statuaries.
Do a drive by...they'll fuck your shit up if you mess wit'em.
1 comment:
If you need to borrow my car for the road trip, (little more room and better gas mileage), let me know. That'd be cool so long as you promise you'll blow under a .29 when you're behind the wheel.
HJABAOW - "Wouldjanow?" as said with a mouthful of peanut butter.
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