An Ode to BeeP's*

(*)My hometown, thankyouverylittle. Kaiser recently ranted about the Mipples Vs. StaPunk argument (which I grow very weary of in very short fashion. People…who rip on cities, that aren’t their own…need lives badly. Moreso than indoor kids. And they killed Kennedy) So I thought I’d sing a halcyon song regarding my (snitch..snerk..teehee) love for my hometown. Cue, Mr. Springsteen (My information may be a little dated, as I haven’t lived there full time in a few years)

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  We had a Pro-Wrestler mayor before he up and decided he wanted to be governor. (Seriously. I had to sing w/my HS small group for the mayor’s bkfst. Hilarious to see all these dudes in suits and smack in the middle was this big bearded dude in a leather vest and head scarf. I took all of my power not to go up and say "Blaine, you vere a gud soldier.". This is reason # 208 I’ll never work at the G w/Angela Bacitracin.)
  
  
• We have the mostest bad ass drive in. Well, it sucks, but we still have a drive in.
  
• We’re trying so-hard not to be ghetto-ish. A High End interior design center was built in the building which used to house KNOX lumber. Light’s on Broadway is a high-end lighting design center. A huge indoor water park. What the citizens hear tell was that during the 70’s and early 80’s, the then mayor got a fat kick back for building affordable housing. (Email me if you need a translation) That affordable housing became sort of partnered with criminal activity…and a reputation was born. Hey, we were mentioned on Oprah.
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  Car Dealerships baby. 2nd only to WBL!
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  A stones throw away from the BEST Dale….Buh-ROOKDale! The only 1-level Dale in alllll the Dale chains. Holding on to life by a thread for years, they tried putting a Burns and Nipples, an Old Scavey, and a GAP in there to spruce it up. No good. As of 3 months ago (J and I ventured a visit for nostalgia purposes) that place had only 2/3rds of it’s stores running. Sad.
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  Crabapplebeege’s: That’s right baby, yours truly has acheived a fame akin (Famekin, wasn't the name of a Chinese Restaurant?) to Alexander of Macedonia! I am pasted All OVER the back of the store (In one tiny section reserved for the local community college drama department) From the earth shattering perfomances of Tereus # 1 in Love of the Nightengale, Rusty Cornhole in Guys and Dolls, and as an 18 year old playing a 80 year old in Noises Off (Seriously...make up be damned, silver hair spray WILL make you look older, swear!) Those pics are placed RIGHT next to the can, so you can see me before or after you relieve yourself. Whether you do so on the pictures...is really up to you, Mr or Mrs. Grodie-Gus.
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  Home of the 1st official Lifetime Fitness. (And the 1st "wet sauna" that smelled like tuna fish... Truth. I got a free membership for a week when they first opened and nearly barfed when I opened the door.)
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  LPGA, baby. Go Women’s Pro GOLF!!! (Edinburgh is a nice golf course. 'Spensive, but nice)
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  We have a Library, a hockey rink, AND an armory…thank you.
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  We raze mini-mom and pop malls at the rate of One Mall a Year!!! (To build more town houses. I don’t even know what happened to Village North. One minute it’s there, the next…gone.)
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  Home of the Pirates, Knights, Rams, and Reds etc…
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  Ummm, like, the 5th or 6th most populated suburb in the State?
  
  That’s all I got for now. I read a blog or two that are posted by former ’93 PCH classmates of mine. One of ‘em still lives there. Ssssscary.