HMRG(*)

Y'know...if I was to win the lottery, I probably wouldn't git no fancy house on da lake. (Although I probably would raze our cabin and have a nicer "lodge-y" looking one built). And I wouldn't get the super duper deluxe sports car (Something reliable, actually, after years of driving poopy cars I would kill for reliability) I wouldn't buy a mansion (I'd stay in NE Mpls and open a wine/hor's d'ouerve bar next to the Hollywood Theatre. Danke Mom 2.0 for the idea) and I wouldn't trade in my fiancee' for a bustier silicon model (Although I would pay for her laser eye surgery. You hear enough about pesky contact lense woes...well it's a minor inconvenience) And to the surprise of probably many more...I don't think I'd quit my day job.

I would however...take a demotion. Work in the mail room, y'know? I'd push the mail cart around, pick up the outgoing/drop off the incoming. I would certainly wear non-sanctioned work wear like: Jeans that are torn all over ('specially the back two pockets. Gone...so that the heart covered boxers shined like a butt-beacon) Those trashy flannels with the sleeves missing, oh so popular in the late 1980's/early 1990's- and on Mr. T. (I still one from 1992. Pity the fool.) and T-shirts underneath with my own little personal sayings silk-screened on like "Push it Real Good" and "HMRG" (Hot Mail Room Guy*)

P: (pushing up the squeeky mail cart) "Good Moooorning Darlene"
Darlene: (Trying not to make eye contact)" 'Morning."
(P): "Say, did you get that inter-office memooooooo Saaaay. Did you drop a paperclip?? Oooooooooooo" (Bending over straight legged and pretending to pick up a paper clip)
Darlene: (timidly) "No. Wouldyoustopdoingthatpleasethankyou...."
P-"Oh...it's gone now. Oops, the wind. Well, byeeeeeOooooooooooo" (Starts doing mock pushups on the cart handle)

So yeah. Basically what I'm doing at my job right now. Except for the having million$ of dollars part. And the buttless jeans.


(* My t-shirt actually reads "HCCC" or "Hyperactive Company Call Coach"...but you know, that's because these suburban ladies have a different opinion of what's attractive)