And some more cool dudes: Picard and Han Solo (IMHO, Ford is long overdue for an Oscar. Or at least a role that get's him his Oscar. "Hollywood Homicide"...what the FUCK Han?!?!)
Lastly, I wanted to point out cool dude numero uno- My big brother- Turns 33 today. That's right, Christ's age. So please let me present you a rip-roaring roast of my big bro: (true to life)
- His nickname growing up was "Thumper". (Due to a picture of Thumper being in his bed room) He hated the nickname until he got into karate...And sure enough, that's what he had silkscreened on his hat.
- Speaking of names, he hated his true 1st name so he was called by his middle name- Until High School when he found out the chicks dug it...("OMG, you have the same name as a character on 'DAYS'???")
- We shared a bunk bed before he moved into his "big kid room". He had a little boom box where we'd go to sleep listening to Talking Heads, The Nylons, and Howard Jones. No shit. For pure nostalgia purposes I now own all of the CD's. (Howard Jones "One to One" is an under-appreciated gem)
- We turned the Winnebago into the Millenium Falcon. He was Han, I was Luke, and our Siberian Husky "Nook" (Yeah, like Nanook) was Chewie. Otherwise, it was the Enterprise, and we used our dirtbikes for the "away team" missions.
- He used to practice his Goddamn trumpet right before I went to bed in elementary school.
- He used to talk to all my girlfriends on the phone before he'd give it to me. Then they'd be all like "Ooooohhh, you're brother is sooooo funny...") Barf.
- His ex-girlfriends used to take me out and want to talk about him. One of them took me on a "date" to see Terminator 2...This would always make me feel verrrry uncomfortable.
- In '93, he auditioned and got cast in a local community theatre production of "Babes in Arms" (I didn't want to do it, and they really needed guys.) and got cast, ironically enough, as "Roman Calhoun". The day before his very first rehearsal (And after the initial read-through) He asked me for "acting tips"- I said "Well first, you want to memorize your lines", to which he responded "I already did." Show off. Whatever, he barfed before every performance.
- At Disney World in 1979, our folks took us on the (then) brand new ride "Space Mountain". They had to stop the ride because my brother was trying to throw me out of the car.
- An old track/cross country geek, he used to eat almost anything. (On an average sitting, he could put away 2 Double Whoppers-Heavy Everything, Fries, and a large Coke. Then have candy Whoppers later.) Mega-Skinny. After 12 or so years of being removed from that, he's now a little self conscious about his body image.
- In 1999, he proposed to his 1st fiancee' right after winning the NCKA Midwest championships. What I mean is: and he whupped the dude, turned to his fiancee', and took the engagement ring out of his gi, and proposed. Awwwwww, idn't dat romantic? A nice, sweaty ring box. (Btw: He proposed to his wife in Ireland.)
- Things my brother has done to me: Shot (1980- He wanted to shoot a leopard frog to show off to his friends when I tried to protect it. He popped a cap on the top of my hand. My mom beat his ass soooo hard.) Stabbed (Threw a shuriken at me in 1985), Beaten (Routinely, since he started karate in 1990 including: bruised ribs, bloodied nose, and hyperextended arms.) shot with a wrist rocket, and strangled.
- Speaking of beating, he had choreographed this great "2 person attack" routine to do for his 2nd degree black belt exam- we had it worked out brilliantly, throwing in a little ju-jitsu for good measure. Well Mr. Fancy Pants got allll caught up in "the moment" that instead of this great throw he had (where I would roll out of it to do a 2nd attack) he frickin' FLIPPED me (for real) and I landed flat on my back- knocking the wind out of me. Yeah. Real nice. In front of all of the grandmasters, no less.
- The last time I could kick his ass was when I was 15 and he was 18...pre-Karate. We had a knock down drag'em out because I called him a name (He was walking around in running tights for Crissakes) and we got into it. My mom broke it up and we shared a laugh about it. The next fall he enrolled in the school, and has been faaairly untouchable by yours truly. (I did give him a good one in sparring. "Nice. Good Power." was all he said. Then, he went back to kicking my ass.
- He bows when he shakes your hand.
- In case you are wondering, he's studied in almost every stupid Martial Art there is. Seriously. His black belt test in Gum-Do was to put out a candle with a sword. Without the blade touching the candle.
- He used to routinely fall back asleep on the toilet.
- Even though he isn't a homosexual, I think he likes the attention he gets from being hit on by drag queens. (Again with the "Ohhhh, your brother is sooo gorgeous.")
- He went from never touching a drop of liquor (Until he turned 25) to being the biggest freakin' booze snob out there. (i.e. Unless it's Patron, it isn't "real" tequila. Dork.)
- He scares my friends
- His wife is getting her PhD in Neuro-Science. She told me that they are working on a brain microchip that helps amputee's control their limbs by using their brainwaves. It can make for faaaabulous dinner conversation. Oh, and how they "lost" a radioactive syringe once and sent her into the bio-hazard bin to find it. Ummmm, kay.
- He is one of the most loyal, honorable people I know. He's also the best (and only) roommate I've ever had or wanted. Even though he would always make mac and cheese and leave the leftover pan in the sink. GROSS!!!!
Yes folks, this represents only a smidgen of my big brothers talents. I'm always so damn proud of him. Now, does anyone want to buy his house?
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