(Ladies- Humble apologies as this is kinda "Guy-centric" and was born from this "Worst Date Ever" thread I was reading)
- If you are going on a date, don't EVER bring up the ex. Even if you get a couple of questions from the datee' about her (Or Him), it is remarkably bad form and extremely uncouth. And it makes you seem whiney and bitchy. Which if you are already, stop it. You sound like a 4 year old.
- Ask a lot of questions about them. Stories about you, suck. (Okay, that was advice directly to me/about me from a dear girlfriend...but the message is clear, yeah? Be an actor. Try listening)
- If you are ever dumped, and even if the gal "wants to be friends" (translation: Someone she/he can bitch to regarding their NEW S.O.) drop off the face of the planet. Don't call 'em to check in, Don't call their friends, Don't go to their parties, and if they call you...Don't call them back. It will drive the dumper nuts having the perception that you don't need them, and don't care. (Thanks for that one Ellie-girl. It has saved me tremendous amounts of wasted time and energy.)
- Shave your balls. (Okay, that was Adam Carolla on "Lovelines" saying the best dating advice he ever got was from a stripper. This is why I don't watch the "Man Show")
- Bathe, Wear Clean Drawers, and don't drown yourself in cologne. Do what the ladies do and spray it in the air and walk through it. (In other words, don't point the cologne at yourself like you are re-creating the suicide attempt scene from "Lethal Weapon")
- Women, like bee's and dog's, can smell fear. And desperation. If you think or anticipate that you're gonna get some, chances are she'll put on the red light. Be casual. More importantly, if you do have the jones for someone, don't make it obvious. Don't flirt, don't lean- Don't be what you think. If you act like nothing is a big deal (i.e.: you could care less) without seeming arrogant, it makes you more interesting. Be a big kid who can take care of themself.
- Just because the evening is a wash, doesn't mean you have to be rude. I went on this date that was not a good idea from the get go. (It was obvious from the initial "sizing each other up" that this blind date wasn't going to work.) We still had a great time, BS'ing, learning about each other, asking questions. Never saw her again. 2 hours well spent.
- Just because you like onions and garlic, doesn't make it a good 1st date meal. You'll smell.
- Remember shite. If you've done your home work b4 the date, remembering if they like white over red wine, Yellow Daisey over Roses, and they are Vegetarian, you can make informed choices on what type of gift/date you want to create. (Or, if you don't know their wine preference...bring a bottle of both. Thanks Butterfly Girl for that great 1st date.) If you haven't done your homework, just try and be thoughtful.
- Hold Doors, Say Please and Thank You, and Make eye contact. Try smiling, and for God's sake don't force it.
- Your mom.
- If they are tall, have great boobs/body/hair, whatever: Stop fucking staring. It makes you seem Pervy. (Thanks for that one Tin-ay-nay. I didn't realize I was doing it.) I was reeeeeally wasted (suprise) at a party and I was chatting w/a young lady who I would go on to date for almost 2 years. I wanted to compliment her, but what came out was a bastardization of what Eddie Murphy said in "Beverly Hills Cop Deux": "Man...You are one- tall- bitch!" SMAAAACK!!!! Yup. I deserved it. And certainly couldn't apologize enough. Try complimenting an item of clothing instead. Or hair...hair is good. (And btw: The boob/butt/hair/body stuff can be saved for when you are dating...just don't over do it or the message is lost. Thanks J, for that. And you'd be suprised to find out how much you can make your S.O. laugh by referring to her bikini-line as "Glow in Dark the Boobs")
8 comments:
For a first date especially... leave your cell phone in the car, out of sight.
As polite and not chode-like as you might think you need to be... good friend of mine got a first date when a girl overheard him say that she was "climbable." He's awfully cute and charming, so he could pull it off... not an aproach I would recommend to many.
If you have two divorced people, I think it is kosher to ask what happened in a generic sort of way. NEVER recommend that though otherwise. And ALWAYS speak of the ex as generic as possible. No bashing, trash talking etc. Poor form and it makes you look bad even if he was an evil Mo Fo.
Never wear white tennis shoes out on a date. (Thats my own rule)
Tallens rule is good too--cell phone has gotta go.
That's a whole other story... the talking on a cell phone around others period is quite rude. If you have to take the call, excuse yourself and walk away from the table or where you are. I know I've been guilty of it myself in the past, hell we all have, but carrying on a conversation in front of someone else is one of my major turn-off's.
Advice for the ladies...
1) Being 15 minutes late to get ready is cute and sweet that you care that much about your apperance. 30+ is pushing it.
2) If the guy makes a compliment ACCEPT the compliment. You may not get another one if you blow it off.
3) Offer to pay for the meal if you want, but don't make a big stink about being an independent woman and being able to pay for your own meal. We Men are fully aware of this, and just because we want to buy you dinner doesn't mean we're going to want you bare foot in the Kitchen. We just want to pay for dinner because it's gentlemenly.
4) Don't gob on makeup, or go to the bathroom 15 times to check it.
5) For god's sakes EAT SOMETHING! Nothing freaks me out more than a girl who orders a side salad and water. Yipes!
A lot of P's would apply to the ladies I think as well. It's a good list P... You're definetly climbable.
And this is why girls kick ass. I never thought about the cell phone deal.
T- I've gotten away with some "off-colors" myself on firsties, but only after gauging the audience. (Or if it is someone I've known for a bit before hand.)
Getting the goodnight kiss out of the way before the night has even began can be a good ice breaker.
Annnnd... Nope. I think that climbable sounds too damn funny. And would probably get me hit.
Guys should definitely invest in one nice pair of shoes. Even if they aren't designer, just get a pair of comfortable solid color pair of dress shoes and match your belt.
OH- And don't have your normal "6 drink Minimum". The last image you want to project is of a teetotaling bunghole
Ohhhhhh, I don't know. If my date was able to power down 6 glasses of veeno I'm quite certain my level of attractive-ness (And wit, charm, devilish good looks) would increase exponentially.
Awwww, who'm I kidding? There's probably not enough wine in the bar for that.
P? Are you having a conversation w/ yourself on your blog? Are you working on glass #6 right now? Do you have any to share?
Ummm, (burp) naw...I ain't finna been drinkin'...sheeeeit.
(snores)
Let me guess sally... you broke the "Your Mom" rule. That one gets me everytime.
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