Observation:

Oscar's were kinda boring. I didn't go out (or host) anything this year, which is a first. (And will probably be a long line of 1st's due to being a new home-owner/ boner-donor.) I was hoping that it would be a dark-horse kind of year, with Imelda and Johnny getting top-honors for acting and Scorsese finally getting his little gold man. Hard to judge when I haven't seen a single gawdamn one of the movies that were nominated.

Except Spiderman 2.


Weekend held no surprises- Our Friday/Sat/Sunday crowds were a bit more reserved than our opening night audiences. (Go fig, we had 40 "Red Hats" in the house- Many of them had stopped in at the Carpet pre-show.) Some folks think it's a comedy, others expect 2+ hours of pathos. Matt "The Scalpel" , The Malosian, Jim Lbs, JP, and the Apple all trekked up from cities to check out the show. Regardless of what was thought of the show or performances, I think it is really cool that they came up to be supportive. And to see if they could find the spot where you landed. You know who you are. Lander.

Since buying that house, the Saturday party was a very subdued affair. I was asleep by 12:30.
The wine bottle, mysteriously empty. And a kitten...gnawing on my forehead like I was a Vegas magician.

4 BR, 2300 sq ft, 2 car garage...in Saint Cloud? $150,000. In SW Mpls? $395,000.

My last morsel: I lost a reader, my friends. Latts got a new jobbie, which means he will not be able to access email/Internet unless he drags his butt to the LIE-Barry. Congrats on your new job, and your movie premiere, spanky.

MAYO!!!

I gotta get this out.

I'm at Subway, and I hear this dialogue from the lady ordering (2) down from me:

Customer- Um, yes, extra cheese, and toasted.
SA (Sandwich Artist)- 'kay
Cust- (Blah de blah...finally gets to) Mayo
SA- 'kay
Cust- Um, more mayo?
SA- (Dude proceeds to liberally apply mayo...I mean, do you want a sub with that miracle
whip?)
Seriously, you could see NOTHING under that blanket of mayo. It was narsty. And people rip on me for my dietary choices? Yeesh.

Opening was outstanding. Everything really just...clicked. It was glorious. The Barth's were their usual generous selves, picking up a quick round of cocktails over at the 'Carpet. Before I headed over there, I stood out in front of the theatre and bumped my leg on the railing by the stairs-(In front of 5th ave) I call this piece, "a little morbid":

I looked over the 8 footish drop towards the sidewalk, and suddenly had a flash of what happened to the Geef's Weef, and I tell you, I got a little weirded out. I started thinking if I was close to them, and I was standing there, would I have been able to at least try to grab her? And if it was me who fell, would I have been able to put my arm out first, or if I went ass over teakettle would I have had time or the reflexes to maybe roll? (Probably breaking my arm or my collarbone, respectively.) I've never broken a bone before, would I have been knocked out? Would I know it was broken? Would this dispell the mythos I've built around myself that I'm faster than most, that my (usually) quick reflexes weren't enough, or that my virtual indestructability wouldn't keep me from an ER visit? I don't believe I can dodge bullets people (I hate guns) but all the same, I slowly moved away from the railing, feeling a little foolish- and a little sorry for the Geef who maybe felt a little powerless too.

My luck, I would have made a mad dash to grab her, only caught the bottom of her dress, and she would have tumbled over the side, slipping through my grasp- leaving me holding a black cocktail dress: Seriously injured, and butt nekkid. On the street. In Saint Cloud.

It is doubtful she would be reading this blog if that was the case. Or the Geef for that matter. This is why I leave the heroic delusions in my head...or on this site.


Quick question if you're still with me:
What is wrong with the saying- "I'm happiest when you are happy".
(Not "I'm only happy when you're happy.") Let me know.

Durrrr, I have a tattoo.

I grabbed a pen to scratch my itchy ol' back. The itch was just outta reach, so I figured the pen would be as good as anything. 'Cept I didn't notice that the cap was off. Yeah. This ranks in the pantheon of dumb "P" things like, almost pouring OJ into the coffee pot or putting on my undies backwards.

(Sighs) Did I mention that I have a back scratcher at my desk?

My absent-mindedness is probably related to the $300 I just spent on the car. I was a ball of nerves that it would cost a fortune, and after my 1st phone call I was relieved that it just needed a $50 tune-up and maybe an oil change. The 2nd phone call is what torqued me. (My car had bad balls...bearings. )

A discovery was made as to m'ladies tummy malady. The doc told her to 86 the following for one month, and then come back for a follow up:
All Dairy (meaning cheese, creamer, butter, Milk Chocolate, and ice cream) Caffeine, and stress. Can't do too much about the stress thing, but, ummmm. Maybe the good ol' Dr. didn't realize that he has cancelled the better part of her diet. Ladies and Gents, she is gonna be one cuh-rabby beeyotch. I speak truth.

In sympathy, I have started to scale back my caffeine addiction. (The other stuff I don't really eat). However, I am suffering the slings and arrows of withdrawl- and I'm finding that when peoplle say things like: "Good for you!" or "Wow, I don't drink it so I guess I don't know what that's like!" - I want to kick them in the shins.

I'm kidding, of course. I'm fine, and I really think I could do without the bacchanalian amounts of caffeine I imbibe anyway. And it's good for the show- the listlessness and heaviness really add something to the character of "Doc". Like the weight of the world is on my shoulders? Did I mention that it is opening night tonight? Meag's and I have a wonderful moment together onstage that really cements the whole experience for me. If you're wondering? That's why I do it. And based on pre-sale numbers, we're averaging 49 peeps a night. That'll feel good. I hope they like it as much as I've enjoyed the experience. KWT and I were talking and we both agreed that after spending a day of "worrying" (about whatever) the theatre was the one place we could go and focus. Yeah. That's another reason why I do it.

57 miles. That is how far it is from my home to the Cloud. That's a long time for an abstract random to be dwelling in his own head. I need to get back to the dojo.

Okay chill.

I held the door for 8 people trying to scurry onto the elevator this morning. As the door was shutting, the last dude starts to repeatedly tap the "Door Close" button like it was a telegraph. Can you all see the message?:

"Trying to close you faster. Stop. Can't stop being an anal putz. Stop. Don't realize that hitting the close button repeatedly will not make you speed up. Stop. I am a douchebag. Stop." Dorkus Malorkus.

• I love trail mix. That is some good shit. And not the crap with M & M's in it, I'm talking Cali Mix yo'! Nothing but nuts and dried fruit. Deeeelish.
  
• I forgot how long commutes to and from the 'Cloud can be. Thank goodness they have a "Y" so I can pop in, work out, and wake up. Even though their Y sucks, even by Y standards. ("'Nautilis'? Idn't dat some sub in some book 'er sumpthin? Mmmmmm I want a sub fer lunch...") At least they have a treadmill. Remember the one's that were basically a bunch of rollers set side by side with some fabric covering it? Well, these are darn close to being those treadmills. And don't get me started on the weights. Eugene Sandow worked out with better equipment.
  
• Hemsings Deli in Saint Cloud has some tasty sammies. Tay-Stee.
  
• I think the show is gonna be pretty cool. It has Karen WT in it. Helloooo?
  

• Funny how hospitals don't let you eat for 24 hours before certain exams. They must know that it makes a dancer crabby.
  

Ummm, yeah. Go see Crimes. I think it'll be pretty good. I watched some of it last night, and those 3 ladies playing our leads have a nice dynamic. And I don't think that they make those "Charlies Angels" poses. Yeah. I gotta go...I'm spying the bag of trail mix, and it tempts me. Oh yessss. It does.

What's up w/the Barth's buying a B & B? Anybody?

Fook

Toasty warm house when I went to bed last night. Cold shit again in the morn.

Didn't mean to rail on about homeowner woes (My reader's got some of there own, ah-ight?)
I mean, we rented the last one and were basically home owners (i.e. responsible for all repairs, breakdowns, etc.) And besides the puddle-y basement, fridge break-down, no A/C (Not a problem with the mild summer.) and TeeP's passing out in our bathroom after an Absinthe binge...it was totally fine. I don't usually adhere to idea's pessimistic, but we've only been in the new place for a little over 2 weeks now and the heat's broken down twice? That just a little ominous.

(Muppet News Flash: J went out and got a NEW thermy-stat. Installed it herself an everything. Ok, her dad came over and double checked her work, but still- very crafty that girl. They found car fuses in the Heater. Car fuses. I didn't ask how, just get rid of 'em!)

QUICK HITS-
Last night at Knights, two words: "Greek Family". No joke, they were funny, fucked-up people. They relished in the stereotypes, and made sure I knew that they were 100% "Grick". Find me the window cleaner, stat! OPA!!!

G and Kaiser- I'm Green Lantern. I figured as much. I love the Dark Knight and all, but I figured via looks/personality wise I'm more of a Kyle Rayner , or even a Wally West. Although, i'm not the Flash that way ladies....(Embarrassed coughing.) Speaking of cool nerd news: III Spoilers here.

I'll dither about comics another blog, but yeah- I wanna see Constantine and Batman. They look too cool for school. Next month we'll start getting the cool Ep III Commercials. Will we be doing the midnight showing thing, guys? Last time...

I got two shows (1 - 2)I would love to audition for, and I'm not sure if I'm gonna have time. One of them has auditions on Monday, (I'll be "Crime-ing") the other, well...I just don't know how busy I'll be w/the two jobs. I guess I'm getting a little tired of being burdensome on the directors/SM's by having to tell them "These are what nights I can be there and these are the nights when I won't." It's selfish behavior on my part, and I liked being known as the easy to work with performer who learns his lines real fast. Not necessarily a good actor, but, y'know- good to work with/have work for you. Fork You Rick III, for being one of my favorite shows. Fork You too Hamlet. Forker. I'll wax my nugent about Shakespeare later.

Latts- Congrats on the new job. If I had a kitchen, I'd make you dinner.
Portland-tana: Good luck w/the move. Stop thinking so damn much.
Tah-Lon- Good for you for kicking Kaiser's buttski and hutch at bowling.

A banner morning.

I arrive home after a rather full day yestiddy, to a very cool house. Not cold, mind you. Just cool. Now, J runs rather hot, so my initial thought was that she had dropped the thermy a few degree's. As it turned out the therm was set at a balmy 72 degree's, but the internal temperature sensor was showing 50 degree's. Fook.

I did all the checking- pilot light was good, thermostat didn't seem too fooked up, the heater just wasn't sending anything through the vents. And I was getting cold.

I was veddy veddy tired. (That whole overnight shoot the night before). Being that it was too late to call J's dad, I busted out the space heater for the BR, stripped (very quickly) and replaced my day clothes with a sweat suit, and tried to get to bed. When J gets home, I arise to go through the entire explanation again, travelling downstairs, pointing to things, getting a little salty. We go to bed under, I shite you not, 3 comforters and 2 quilts. I had my ski cap on, while J simply cannoli'ed herself in. (I subsequently did not hear my alarm, and was 1 hr. late to work. I'm glad my boss is understanding. ) All told, a very comfortable nights sleep.

Wake-up temperature? 42 degree's. Outside temps were in the mid-teens. And the fish was dead. Poor beta. We hardly knew ye.

This story is that will illicit the "that sucks, dude" response from most peeps. We truly are camping. Another MN winter thermostat story. 42 degrees!!!!

(Just got off the phone w/J. $100 and a half hour later, we find out we need to replace the thermostat due to a bad connection. The heater-guy tells J not to buy one of theirs, since they are too expensive. J's dad is bringing over a free one and will install it for her. Feh-King Thermostat!) Hadn't I said before that the amenities on this house were vast, including a newer Heating System? I should really hit the buffet to pad my beluga self for the possibility of future nights like last night.

I'm thinking I need to customize my lists. I was asked why "Guffman" wasn't on my comedic fave list. I should have been more diligent, Butterfly Girl. (Since the time we first viewed it together, Christopher Guest has released 2 more HI-larious documentaries. BIS and AMW. )
So, future side bars will contain favorite movies broken doon by genre. 'Cause us randomites can't choose an ALL-time favorite movie.

Ice-T is 47?

Damn. "F--- the berf-day, F---, F---, F--- the berfday..." Uhhh. Yeah. Reading Rainbow LaForge is 48. That just floors me too.


So my new friend Chizz-Ad and I were hovering over the craft services table last night around 2 am. I was trying to hold off on snacking, but boredom and coldness settled in, so we started picking through the spread. Sample dialogue:

"What are those?"
"Terra Chips"
"Terra Chips?"
"Yeah...cause they 'Terra-rize' yo ass."

"_____ you ain't right"
"Yo man...I ain't trippin'"
(More punchy tired laughter)

Guess who was who in that exchange.

It was good time though. 8:30pm to 3:15 a.m. The talent (I love it when they call us that) all agreed that we had a pretty fun time. I held off the caffeine all day until shoot time (This is hard for me folks, so, a little sympathy.) and didn't actually get on camera until 1 a.m. So it was a long night. A few cool things I learned was that many of us live in the NE Mpls area, the make-up lady went to my H.S. albeit, 18 years before me. (She told us that she's going up to work on that new Theron movie today.) andwe all started in on how beautiful we all thought Tina Turner was. And that Mad Max:BT was an underrated movie.

I can't help feeling that I was "the weakest link". (I kept telling the director that "Mr. Waste-y Film" was ready for his close up.) A touchy medium, film. Having a good look is everything. Sad but true. Me? I look like Sean Penn, Ryan Stiles, Danny Kaye, and Robin Williams love child. You know...if they, like, all pulled a "Twins" and made milkshake or sompthin'...

Anyone see the new Salmon sub at Subway yet? (Just in time for Lent!) I love salmon, but, eeeeeeee. I think I'll be sticking with the S.O.C.T. A Salmon Sammy just sounds Barfy.

Fit to be tied.

Happy V day y'all. My ceiling has been drywalled, and the walls are 1/5 finished. A couple more sheets, and it'll be done. Finally. Next, the taping and mudding, which (I hear) is a bitch! Yeeeah!!

I have a friend who's back went "kerflooey". He saw a PT, and after his eval/fix-up they recommended he get into the gym to do some strengthening exercises. So he calls me to be his fitness consultant. Funny. (Only because this marks the 2nd time in the past couple 'o weeks I've been asked to do this. 3 if you count teaching my dad rotator cuff strengthening exercises.)

When I was a young boy.. (dooby doo wop. Sing it Cougar!!!) I was planning on getting into Forensic Pathology, which then switched to sports medicine. (B4T= Before Theatre) I thought it would be super coolio to get into kinesiology as a career. (It also stems from my mom being a nurse. During my formative years when she was pursuing her RN, she would read my brother and I her text books to put us to sleep.) Most of my early classes were Anatomy/Physiology related, as I was getting a purty good knack for things biological. And I didn't mind being the only dude in Biology and Women: 3601. Where I was lacking was mathematics. In fact, I avoided the math part of my major until the bitter end of my sophomore year, until I finally switched to theatro'. (A brief traipsing into Business went nowhere. I thought I could take a management class and be done, but noooooo. More frickin math.)

Go figure. Mr "Easily-Distracted" stops to pursue something where he is the center of attention. ANY-way....

I think that I passed up a darn good career, but being asked to help makes me feel good to be used as a resource. I think I should check in on the Geef and his training. I think we should hit the batting cages for fun one of these days. Or put together a pick-up game of Soft ball when the ground dries out.

Oh, my point? When I woke up on Sunday (After hanging all that drywall) I can tell you with the utmost certainty that my anterior and medial deltoids were infused with so much lactic acid that I could barely lift my arms. Not to mention the fact that my lower rhombus and l3 felt shorn, with the possibility that it was compacted.

I kid. I'm a fast healer. WOLVERIIIINNEEE!! Snicky Snicky Snack!!!!!

I have to work tonight. Joy and Rapture. I'm taking the morning off so that I can have a late night tonight. (And get my body ready for a late night tomorrow night. )

Thanks for the well-wishes and encouraging words, gentle readers. I'll gladly take it all.

TW sucks asssss!

The Time Warner cable/Internet dude didn't show up today. Bastard. I need my surreal life fix, toute suite!!!!

I talked to J about dropping my agent the other day. I've been on way too many auditions that just weren't panning out. (My last "commercial" gig was Feb 2002. Which, btw, was the last time that I was blonde.) I figured I just didn't have the right "look" for commercial/print/Industrial work, and maybe I should just stick with what I'm good at:Cooking oatmeal and trying to hump the fridge. I thought I could try stand-up, take Improv classes...who knows. What I do know was that it just seemed like I should be focusing my energy on other things rather than having to up and leave work for an hour or two at a time every couple of months. I felt that it was a safe, well thought rationale to either get a new agent, or try in a few years when I'm a little older and my look has changed.

I was sent to audition for "Sherwin Williams" on Monday, (Remember? With my puffy cut-up eyes? I shore am purty.) I got the same feedback I always get ("Good ad-libs" and "Thanks for your time") and just went about my day. Worrying about the house.

I got it- Overnight shoot on the 15th.

Just about when you're ready to give up, sometimes something wonderful can happen. This, is just too weird.

I want my fricking Internet access NOW!!!!! I wanna see some CORN!!!

Whoops

Haven't I told myself repeatedly to stay away from "The Tea House". Yes? The place has given me, hmmm, "upset stomach" every time I've dined (Waste of food if you ask me). Yet I did it again. Whoops. Another chubbifiying fat day at the buf-fay. I suppose I justify it by knowing I'm too busy to have time to eat tonigh.(Not a great diet by any stretch of the imagination) BUT it will keep me from eating after 7pm (Which is bad for you)

Speaking of healthy lifestyles-Matthew McConaughey has an awesome workout mentality. (Pick up the latest "Men's Health" to read why.) He stipulates that "Exercise is like, cleaning your house during the day for the party you're having that night." Spoken like a true bongo-playing cheeba monkey. Apparently he's a distance runner (He just gets out and runs for loooong periods time, not mileage) and the dude is an "enviro- fitness" addict. Examples: On his runs, he'll creep into abandoned mines until it gets too dark to see and then sprint out, or he'll pick up pieces of rock and uses them for dumbbells. Insane. If that's what it takes to get those damn six-pack abs, point me in the direction of the quarry.

Should be a banner night tonight. I will not head home to work on more house crap. I'm heading out to the dojo 1st (1st night at a new school. Well, technically my old school, but I haven't worked out their since '98.) And here's a shitty thing. My brother told me that the Bloomington USA-Karate just closed!!! That...really really bums me out : (

After, it's off to the "Y" and back home. Tomorrow, I have the morning OFF, where J and myself will catch up on sleep, and get our new DL's. Then, we head to the dreaded Ikea for bookshelves and maybe some skinny ass nightstands....Oooooooooooo (Not a "One-Nightstand..." get it?)


Guess who is using his Hyperlink function a little too much.

TC Face

With an Oakland booty.

I fell off of the wagon from a diet standpoint last night. My reward, was a damnable case of heartburn. Serves me right for going through a bottle of Pinot, and noshing on raspberry/chipotle salsa, teriyaki wings, and that gawdawful chocolate covered check mix.
Bleah. I'm amazed I didn't barfski and hutch.

What I did do was attend a Superbowl Party at my friend "Ry's" house. He and his gal hosted a little soiree', and it was indeed..good times. Except the part where I talked non-stop for 3 hours. I was in full-on riff mode with some jokes landing, most others failing, and careening off on so many tangents, I can't wholly remember a majority of the conversations.

Except that it was a terribly lukewarm game. The commercials? Ehhhh. (The Cat/Knife/Spaghetti Sauce one was pretty tight.) I had more fun falling asleep to "The Exorcist III" than watching the game.

It is really hard to believe that I've been living in my house for a week. I go backwards 2 weeks, a month, 2 months, 4 months... The searching, the cleaning, the moving, the blah de blah de blah...Oh yeah, Drywalling, can now be called a bitch. We hanged our first section, and it was fricking tough. I know the walls will be much easier, but holy moses. I ate a face full of fibreglass when a piece of the plaster came down. I look Beautiful. Complete with a puffy face, and little cuts around my eyelids.

F**king Rodent

Punxswatawney Phil can kiss my grits, that Lil' Sumbitch saw his shadow. Whatever. If we have 6 more weeks of 50 degree winter...well, have at it. Gives a little more creedence to global warming, you know? Actually, I can't recall (over the past 6-7 years) a really nasty winter. One where the whole month of January stays close to, or below zero for the entire month. The snow hasn't seemed too deep. (With the exception of a few narsty days) No, it's not like '94 (60 below windchills. Stops the very blood.) Or the snow from '91 (70 inches of snow in 36 hours...yuck) It's been wild and mild. Now, if I could keep from falling on my ass when the temps drop at night and the puddles freeze..I'd be golden.

I leave for work 'round 6 a.m. The house is dark. I try to make as little noise as possible so as not to wake my lovely fiancee'. Today's result of "stealth-dressing"? I put my underpants on backward. You discover this the 1st time you try and use the loo.

Crimes of the Heart Rehearsals: Not bad. I think that this is going to be a pretty good show, at least, the director seems very gung-ho about it. He was very supportive during my (brief) time at GC Church. Made me feel pretty good.

GeeF: I mentioned going to sleep with a full tummy while after you've been training for a while? I hadn't eaten a thing all day yesterday, and didn't get home until 10pm. I scarfed my dinner so fast, I hardly had time to know I was full. I went to bed, uncomfortably, and was rustled awake at 12:30 by J who said "God P!! You are sweating sooo bad!" I was. I had to strip down and alternate between being above the sheets and below. Not a great nights sleep. I wasn't hungry until after 2pm today. The chinese was delish, though.

And about that actress that was murdered in NYC? However you feel about the way she handled herself, or whatever your opinion be of the matter period-the bottom line is that it is a tragedy. My condolences to her family and loved ones. I hope that the pukes that did it get what's coming to them.


Portland/Kaiser: My heartiest congrats to you both on your new positions. I wish y'all the best of luck.

Anybody good at hanging drywall? That'll be my Superbowl Sunday!!!! YEEEAAHH!!!

I'm hooked up.

I have the TV and DVD player hooked up in the bedroom. We're back in the electronic age.

-I'm going back to stacked cabinets. They'll just look nicer. A little
more expensive, but it's equity...right?
-HD effed up the order. Wonderful.
-We'll need to tear down the plaster by this Sunday...'kay. No prob.
right? Tear down is easy...it's the needing to:
-Drywall the walls by this Sunday...'kay. No prob. Right?

J is getting pretty frustrated. A leaky pipe caused her great distress.
Her dad was able to fix it, and then promise to come show me how to do the
actual repair, but I know she's still a little raw. THAT sounded a little euphemistic.

-I start rehearsals for "Crimes of the Fart". I play "Doc" which is funny 'cause I actually think that I'm a little too young to play 'im.

-"Doc" is my future sister-in-law's nickname for me. Weird.

I...ahhhh. I got nothin'. Later.

That hits the spot

I felt like Ass-Id yesterday. My body was sore, I took off from wooork, I went home to help the J organize some more. And I felt wiped.

By 5:30, I thought "I have the flu". Cold, achey, run-down... From a physical stand-point, I was cruising for the bruising.


Then I hit the "Y"...and felt like a million smackers, all over again. A little streeeetch, a little liiift, a little jogggg. 15 minutes in the Heet Teeb, and another 10 in the Sah-OOOna (Sweatin' out those toxins) and I felt much better. Creative even. Yessir or ma'am, The "Y" will be my bathroom for the next few weeks. I hope the trade off is that I will be in great shape. More on that later.

The Creative: I met w/the HD peeps regarding our kitchen. Turns out, new kitchens take 6-8 weeks just to get the cabinets DELIVERED, that's not to mention the addt'l 6 weeks to get a countertop! Well, let's just say that we aren't financially capable of dining out nightly...for 2 months.

So, I fig after we get the shit-rock installed, we can jerry rig a countertop with some 3' X 6' ply and a couple of 36" 2 X 4's. It ain't "Beautiful Kitchen" but at least we'll have a spot for the coffee pot. Heck, we could even drop in our new sink!
Folks, you may never understand the intrinsic joy of having a place to set your stuff in the kitchen. Pretend you don't have one. Can ya? It sucks booty.

I'm also considering installing floor to ceiling/wall-to-wall bookshelves in our "library", placing one on a roller system to make a door. (Get it? a book shelf w/a hidden door. Granted, it'll just be a closet/storage room behind it and not a lab. Still Cool, right? Doubtful it'll happen) Ikea: do they have inexpensive bookshelves? I recall a reader who dropped a G there. (Get it? "G"?)

Annnnd we're gonna need to get the bathroom remodeled. Sooner, rather than later. After the J took her shower, I noticed a dripski coming from the kitchen ceiling. At least the ceiling is removed to get at the pipes, right? Ohhhh "J's Daaaaad".

The SW property, is nearly empty. Soon, I won't have to make any more trips to the old place. Except maybe to use the shower.

Danke for the well wishes peeps. (And offers to help) Once we get stuff situated, BELIEVE me I'll need to party.