Food Reviews

Ahem-

Progresso's low sodium/carb/health-consious Southwestern Spicy soup. 150 calories. Okay. Definitely brothy. Not a hearty meal to be sure, but a little extra water/tomatoes/spinach/spices ups the flavor sensation.

Ahem squared-

I'm busting a$$ to get to rehearsal (I worked until 6pm) and since I didn't pack a dinner I had to make an executive decision to stop for frassed food. There was nothing, like but nothing in terms of old stand by drive through's where I could hazard a healthy sammich so when I get off I spy a Har to the Dizz-Ee's in the distance. I think "F#ck, man...I haven't been to one of these places in forever. Like, all I remember was Frisco Melt's back when I ate the filthy bastards." My second thought was "F#ck, man...I've got to be at rehearsal in 5 minutes, please let there not be a line") The pickings were remarkably slim, and judging by the grilled chicken choices and the lack of a "Your way, right away" slogan I figured I'd-a need to make due with the lesser of two evils. So, it is here that I introduce you to the "Hawaiian Teryaki Grilled Chicken Sandwich" boasting a pineapple (Oooookay. I see cheese, but figure that it can be peeled off with relative ease.)

Wrong.

I fumble and park, pulling my purchase out and resigning the fact that I'd be about 3 minutes late but if I didn't get dinner I'd be a crabby petunia. I open the box (Still looks promising) lift the bun off annnnnnd: F#ck. This thing has at least a gallon of mayo on it. And is that cheese? It looks like white foam core!?!? And low and behold...one napkin.

I begin the salvage project immediately, hands shaking from hunger/anger/nerves as I quickly wipe the bun when the chicken shifts and...what's this? ANOTHER slathering of mayo and cheese. Flip, Lather, and repeat. Only this time my hands are covered in goo. I manage to use some kleenex in the back (Not a sturdy subsitute) and scarf my sandwich before rehearsal. When the night was all said and done, my car reeked of mayo/dead sammich.

So I'd like to give a hearty Caesarian "Thumb's Down" to their sammich. My steering column is giving me the "phantom ick's" just by touching it. Grrrrr.

The I.V's

Yup. That pretty much sums it up. And when the post-gala is charging actor's (read: Fixed income) $9 a glass of wine? Reminds me of why we packed our flasks in the first place. Here's to sticking it to the man. A synopsis:


-I cut my chin shaving. No biggie, but I bled like a sieve for an hour.

I started sweating immediately after showering. And proceeded to sweat for the duration of the night. And not "Oh pretty I'm glowing" sweat, but "No officer, I have no IDEA why there's a dead hooker in my trunk" sweating. Not pretty.

Pocketed Flask Full of Morgan's and picked up date, who looked very pretty.

We hit Great Dragon All you Can Eat Buffet for dinner in our classy duds. We. Are. Awesome.

And so is Great Dragon's Spicy Chicken and Broccoli. More sweat.

We BS'ed at Palomino w/X, Gramma, BWJ, and commenced people watching.

Joined the swell of folks trying to get tickets etc. My sweating, at this point, became unbearable and I started feeling like an unwashed heathen. And felt like Dorajar and I should have attached ourselves to each other with a piece of string.

Sat in the back and watched the show. Had to pee about three minutes in and basically sweat, squiggled, and squirmed through the show. I felt self conscious being flanked by people, so nips from my flask were far and few between. At least I wasn't lit by the time I got to the after-do like last year.

Ahem. HALLLLLLLENBEEEEECK!!! F#cking A this guy should get an award. Word.

BNW performer is a new super secret girlfriend, as is the girl who did the snippet from "Fat Pig". She was very sweet when we were introduced post-show.

I decided I don't "get" the IV's.

We started laughing, audibly, when X sent her a text during one guest performer's rendition of "Hopelessly devoted to you"- (paraphrased) "Don't the b#tch know another song?!?!"

We bolted right before the "Lifetime Afrassment" Award was handed out. It was funny because we shared the same glance and when people started to clap and stand, that was our cue.
Finally...toilet time. Mop sweat. Remove jacket. Dab big red dot in the center of my chin. Gross.
I get a really good look at me and resign myself to looking like an overdress tool. I shoulda went with a kilt too. At least then I'da had a breeze to keep me cool.

Get offered a pick-up drink by the pretty people by the trough in the lobby. Empty half outside, pour some of my flask in there. Subtle...buddy. Reeeeeeally subtle. It tasted like diluted a$$.

After party-

The Schloss is our hook up. Cheap tonic for Dorajar and her flask. Cheap Diet Coke for Mikey.


I told SSGF #2 and former IV winner that I loved her. She told me she knew. How Han Solo.

Got a big hug from Shelbs. Love.

Quite a few fakey run-in's. (That one dude? He's 40, right? Why does he look perpetually 25 years old? The man hasn't aged in 15 years! That's IT! He's a f#cking vampire.)

One ex siting. ( We kept our distance)

We took funny pictures in a photo booth. (See above

Lot's of pretty people. One pretty and naughty Feej. Shame shame I know your name. ; )

I chastised Beau Geste for giving away all his acting tips on the C'board. He said "Do I know you?!?!?"

I told the Penub-nub artistic director that it's not all glamour. He said "Do I know you?"

That's it.

Whadda Weekend...

It just FLOO by, didn't it? Caturday was sort of the pinnacle of goodness so I figure I'll start there:


Being that this was the last sort of "open" weekend we had together, Dorajar and I were fixing to get out of town. Funds were low-age, so we knew that spending the night somewhere was out of the questions. We opted for T. to the Fall's where we were watned to recapture a little of this happy business:
http://happychristmasbaby.blogspot.com/2006/02/consider-source.html

(Back when we were desperately denying that there was anything "there". Okay, it was all on me but still...funny business when you look back on it)

Daytime started with brefkist here:
http://www.chatterboxpub.net/

(Not bad. I thought that you got a little less food than you were paying for, but all told it was still tasty business) The highlight of brefkist was that we completed the Onion cross word in the span of an hour. Thank you. And did you know that they get around the liquor law by making their Bloody Mary's with Sake?

We hiked many a small hikes consecutively in the state park before heading into scenic TF to discover truly if it was, in fact, a summer town. (For a pair of "experienced" hikers, we moronically forgot to bring water in with us. Durrrrr) We knocked back a BM at Romayne's while watch the biker's rumble and the children frass. (Note to parents: If you have a spastic hyper-active child, feeding them sugary beverage's is probably not a good idea. IJS) Walked around, then headed back home.

Still parched, we stopped in Chisago City to slake our thirst at Scooter's pub where we were just in time for TWO historic events: One, was the $.50 hamburger special. (No s#it. A full sized burger, for fitty cent. ) And...wait for it: The meat raffle. After snapping a photo of Dorajar posing in front of the pool table covered in frozen roast, we spit the bit. (And luck ba$tard that she is, she found a really nice lounging VS bathrobe at the antique store next to the bar)

We napped, then headed out for a "just got fired/quit" dinner where the bar actually had playing the cartoon Transformer's movie from '86 followed by "Fighter's at the Shaolin Temple". Needless to say, I wasn't all that conversational. More like "Jocko at a sport's bar when there's a (Insert random sport) playing"

Sunday was rehearsal, projects, then Market for Jabas the Hutt's b'day. Thus fulfilling half of my bi-annual Market visit's. I didn't even get plowed. Hooray for buddies.

Tonight...the Ivey Awards. I will have a flask. Oh yes.

I wanna be this guy

Why hasn't this been on the radar? "Mirageman"? Really? Is he another Tony Jaa flash in da pan? What?

I found out about this dude in the round about way, first with this on AICN:
http://www.aintitcool.com/node/34148

Which prompted me to do this:
http://imdb.com/title/tt1046183/

Then to watch this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVrpiQS7IG4



Ho. Lee. Shite.

A few things...

A week ago on my commute home, I saw a car blow up.

Scratch that.

I was coming around 94 Westbound from White Bear Ave. and saw plumes of black smoke. "Fire" I thought, ever so wisely. Looks to be coming from the South side, so no major snarls.

Right?

As I got closer, and traffic snarled down ("Frickin' Lookiloo's") I saw the source- A suburban, engulfed (And I mean, a ball of flame with a suburban shape) in the Eastbound lane. Well before I even saw this mess, I was about 1/4 miles up the road when Ka-BOOOOOOOM a 6 story mushroom cloud erupted in the near-distance. When I got closer and passed it I knew (knew) what the source of traffic congestion was. (Thankfully, all souls were a half mile away) but...

Shit.

I've never seen an explosion live. Like that . Or with my windows up, felt the vibration's...

I could comment on the 35W bridge tragedy, or that there are people in the Middle East who deal with this on a regular basis...but no. It freaked me out. A lot.


Thank You.

Bad Covers

Cracked.com, on a famous wigged out pop stars cover of "Satisfaction":

"But here's the thing—how bad a cover version do you have to create to look bad compared to The goddamn Monkees? That's like losing a paralyzation contest to Stephen Hawking."

Did I read this right?

(Chinese: 肾子八大奇功 - "Testicle Eight Outstanding Techniques").

And moreover, did it show up? This blog is brought to you by my awful wiki addiction, and the definition of the "Iron Shirt" technique of kung fu.


For your pleasure.

I confess...movie style

I know that I'll never watch certain movies, in spite of my deep love for the cinema. That said, I spend time reviewing the spoiler-ific wikipedia entries on the movies I don't want to see, but want to know more about. The film "The Brave One" really doesn't pique my interest all that much (And it's been getting some ass-tastic reviews. Well really..."I want my dog back"? Jodie, Jodie, Jodie...God I love ya, but you've been hittin' some foul balls in the last 10 years or so. Boo. Boo I say.)

Annnnnyway, here's a spoiler filled plot synapsis of "The Brave One", clearly written by someone who was realllly trying to capture the essence of the film in addition to their overall disdain. I. Laughed.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Brave_One_%282007_film%29

Oh God...Even funnier...

The nerd in me is rolling, ROLLING over this one. GSeven and Raven? This is for you:

http://www.cracked.com/index.php?name=News&sid=2111


Clooney's bat nipples assist with bat lactation.

Too...Funny

I found this article on the top five Mismatched movie fights here:

http://www.cracked.com/index.php?name=News&sid=1484


(There was also links attached regarding the top 8 improvised movie weapons which includes, ahem, Ash's chainsaw hand.)

This quote though, and mind you he's cappin' on Han Solo, this quote killed me:


"Harrison Ford punches like a woman in every single action movie we've ever seen him in. There’s always this drunken looking follow through after each punch where he falls forward a couple of steps and then looks up like he just forgot where he was. For some reason, people thought this guy was an action star for 25 years despite the fact that his career has been mostly comprised of angrily crumpling paper and looking like he's just pooped his pants. "

Oh dear...

This reminds me of a conversation I had back in high school with a buddy regarding how people run in movies. We agreed that Steven Seagal tends to run with this weird floppy armed gait that is similar to a T-rex chasing a jeep. Mel Gibson (post "Lethal Weapon 2" intro scene) runs well- And in cowboy boots.

No easy feat. I mean, f#ck...I hadda dance in cowboy boots and looked like an aging T-Rex who pooped his pants.

I'm now four years old today. Carry on.

Come again?

"...It'll be a point of purchase deal for a spa company that shoots on the 12th and 13th, just come on down to the office and wear a swimsuit..."


Waitaminnit? Did I just agree to do a topless audition on Friday?

Ohhhhh. Kay.

I'm fairly certain I had my head up my butt when I said "Yes". I probably look like an ouroboros.

Karma?

If you post something about how you think you spread good karma, does it cancel out?

Our first pitstop on the way down to KS was this little rest area in the middle of nowwhere. It's interesting to note, that our first rest stop (Where the sign actually said "Rest Area") was just that. No terlets. No vending machines. Just a place to pull over and park. We chuckled, and meandered up another 40 miles before we found one with plumbing.

We're giggly and goofy and sweaty, looking forward to the opportunity to stretch our legs. As I get into the building and Dorajar bustles over to the ladies room I make eye contact with a woman helping a man struggling with a walker. He's middle aged, African American, has an eye patch, and is having a very difficult time getting into the restroom. I make a quick decision to get out of there way and use the second door when she grabs my arm and says to me "Excuse me? This is my husband. Would you please help him in there? Just...if anything happens come and get me?"

No worries.

She tells her husband I'll be helping and he faintly registers this. We slowly make our way in and he shuffles over to the handicapped stall (I had to laugh a little. I was reminded of a conversation where someone told me that if it's available? He always hits the handicapped stall to do his business since it's roomier. And here's someone who is, you know, handicapped? And actually needing to use it. What. A. Concept.) I do my business, wash my hands, and commence waiting. The stall door is pulled open and he says "No flush!!!" loudly. I assure him that it's auto flush and it will happen on its own and he shakes his head and slides his walker out saying "not me!!!".

Oh. Someone ELSE'S potty. So I comply.

He thanks me and goes back in.

So the rotation of individuals comes and goes, and I sit there planted against the wall. I see the wife out side and she raises her eyebrows and mouths "OK?" I nod, and keep waiting. Thought's start to invade my mind at a rapid pace. "I can't tell Dorajar and DeeZ where I am right now...it'd be like abandoning my post." "I really hope that nothing DOES happen...what do I do then? Get her and take off? And if there are dudes in here, do I announce her prescence?". "The guys, some with kids, are giving me weird looks...aren't they. Well Jesus, Baby P...you're probably giving off this very 'Craig-Like' cruising vibe. Tres Pervy...Jackass".

And lastly, PLEASE bear in mind I'm not proud of my own selfish rationalizations: "Um...I'm on a schedule and have to get back on the road...how long is this going to take?"

I hear commotion coming from the stall, and help to open the door while he finds his way to the sink. And boy, he was really going for the "cleanliness is next to Godliness" vibe with how long he washed his hands. (Wash, pump soap, wash, pump soap, wash...X's Five) There isn't any hand towels and so he navigates over to the hand dryer (Another brief moment of panic, as I notice that his hands are wet, he's having great difficult on his wheeled walker, and he's using his elbows to steer in order to keep the handles from getting wet. Since this is the home stretch, I thought, this is where something will happen)

But nope. He dries. Slowly makes his way over toward the door as I let him pass and he gives me a quiet "thank you" before we mosey over to his wife.

I'm about to turn heel and bustle off to the car when I get a brief touch on my shoulder from the woman who, with all the sincerity I've ever seen in the world says "Thank you. Thank you so much for your kindness". I mumble something along the lines of "It was absolutely not a problem" before skedaddling.

All of this really only took the span of maaaaybe 10 minutes.

It took me a sec to articulate to the other passenger's what just happened as I saw them both make their way in the rearview mirror to their vehicle. It made me think of the well of love, patience, understanding, frustration that has to accompany them. And I felt a mix of shame, pride, love, and a very real and profound sense of gratitude.

And then it was back to the Chamber of Secrets. And maybe the karma was what kept Dorajar's car running smoothly the entire weekend.

Home

Safe, thankyouverymuch...


Whatta weekend. Oof. Oof to the iz-dah. Road trips for buddies are fun and relaxing, but dang do they tend to wear you out. (And make going back to the grind a monumental struggle)

Of note:

Frids we go to pick up DeeZ and grab some breakfast early early (http://victors1959cafe.com/)
before heading to get the rental car to make haste to points Southerly. After settling up, Dorajar tells the nice cashier our destination and we get the "dissapointed face" from her and she says "Oh...we only have a 5 state radius. We'll have to charge you $.30 a mile after 200 miles." (Sweet, I think? We're not travelling more than 3 states away! But no...it's the three SURROUNDING states. F#ck-bacon.) So we said "Eff it" and took the Mo-Mobile. 7 hours, 2 pit stops*, 1 tank refill, and hungry bellies later we arrive in Overland Park to stay with buddies. We had dinner, then hit the LQ and stayed up to the wee hours (Read: 11pm. We're old) before passing out.

Sats we grabbed brefkist before shuffling off to Lawrence. We ended up hotel-ing it cheaply due to some mis-communique with previous arrangements. After cleaning up we hit a Mexican restaurant (We weren't sure if there was going to be food at the reception until we were seated, ordered food and margies, and I looked at the RSVP. Whoops) Then off to the outdoor wedding which was loverly. (Save the fact the reverend biker ladies mike wasn't on. And Dorajar getting stung by a bee. Twice. Nature, it seems, had it out for us) The reception was at this idyllic little farm/campsite in this big, garage? Like, mechanics garage. In the main hall there was the typical decorations you'd expect (Vintage auto signs, antique hub caps) In the booze room off to the side, there was just...antiques. (Lunch boxes, pennants, sports equipment, and the like) It was charming as hell. Dinner was a catered affair chock full of a lot of...meat. (Who were 45 minutes late, which created some mild tension early on) We danced, tried leaving at 9:30, were shamed into staying later, plied with energy drinks, then gibbered on and smoke cigars for another 2 hours before heading home.

Sunds was continental brefkist and a tour of scenic downtown Lawrence. I was given campus and town stories, we snacked on Thai. Shopped the shops (I demolished the first two HP novels, and hadda hit a used bookstore for more dreck. This seems to be a road trip tradition I'm setting up) And finally met up w/buddies at the Free State Brewery (http://www.freestatebrewing.com/) For beers and dinner.

A couple of Ed Asner ales and gumbo later? Things get a little fuzzy. Sunday will now be dubbed "Party Night". We hopped. We frassed. And I was grateful that I wasn't hung over the next day. (Seriously, how? I mean up and jogging by 9? You are a freak, boy)

Monday we had brefkist with the Scora/n and high tailed it back to Mipples. And the fates conspired against us, yet again...and in spite of a Chinese food jones, Great Dragon was closed for the day. It seems even Martian's celebrate Labor day.


* I hope I win karma points for this one. There's a story here for another blog.

Later, yo...

Have a glorious and festive Laborious Day Weekend, my fellow frasser's! Dorajar and I will be heading down to Lawrence, KS to attend (yet...another) Wedding! Congrats, Chenny and Pad Thai! We're headin' to Victor's 1959 cafe for a little Cubano Brefkist (The most important meal, you know) and then hittin' the ro-ad.


I love road trips. And I need a vacation. There, I said it.


wOOt!!!


ps: Last Chance to see me play "Professor Von Junk" in an interactive video game outside of "Trash Mountain" in the Eco Lab building at the State Fair. There, I said it. An embarrassing ditty, to be sure. Bring your kids. Teach'em about recycling and conservation. Watch me blatantly stare at the jerry-rigged cue card contraption the guy off to my waaaaay left is holding.

GO!!!

Drama at the Fair...

Oh. The State. Fair.

I had made plans to go with my two oldest and dearest friends since High School. The gig was we wanted to go early, do our business, and get out early. Since I knew I'd probably be up mildly late on Sats, I said "9 am at AL's, and we'll boogie from there". It was to be an "Old School" Day, since the 3 of us hadn't been on an outing like this in...well, a long long time.

Well...

I show up & the Gay Burrito is already there when AL says "Hey, there's this girl who I want you two to meet that I like and she really wants to join us. Thing is, she can't be here 'Til 10 am. Is that cool". Fine, no worries. We played catch up while he told us alllll about said girl:

21 years old. Cute. Claims to have been a cop in Friendly for a couple of months before quitting. She claims to be starting Law school in September. He says she's a spitfire, funny, and sweet. And kind of reminds him of Thora Birch in "American Beauty"

When she arrives, she says a quick "Hi" to us before launching into a profanity littered tirade on her cell which started with "I'm going to f#ckin' KILL that mother f#ck#r!!!". I quietly say to AL"You know something? I think I could motherf#ckin KILL a glass of water, please". The way she tells it, her roommate is a psycho and peed on her clothes and threw her shoes to his dog to chew up. (Ohhhh kay?) She thinks she wants to file a restraining order, has never done it, and wants company if the cops have to show up while the roommate is at work. (Wait, you were a cop right?)

Oh, and by "company"? She meant all of us. (Um...say what? Did you actually just make an imposition on people you met 5 minutes ago?)

Burrito and I are exchanging the same glance while AL says "Of Course." Great.

So we drive over to her place, and her landlord and the lot of us field questions from the "ex-cop" while she calls 411 for the non-emergency phone number. (Her comment "MINNEAPOLIS ISN'T IN THE 763 AREA CODE?!?!? WHAT THE F#CK?) I ask "Why don't you look it up in the phone book?" ("Um...I don't have one") "Sweetie, everybody gets a phone book. It'll be a number that starts 612-348-****" which prompted her to get up off her a$$ and look. (Which meant she hands the phone book to her landlord who looks it up for her) Gay Burrito is looking more disgusted by the minute and AL is quietly apologizing to us up and down. When she comes back she's asking "what do I say" so I walk her through a piece by piece explanation of how to talk to the officers and to base her concerns on specific times and dates the incidents happened and why it is she feels threatened. She says "WOW, that's good. Can you write that down for me?"*

Hey last straw. How ya doin?

GB turns and says "Um, We're leaving. Drop us off at our cars and we'll meet you at the Fair." articulating what we had thought we should have done before we even left. Girl guilted Adam into staying with her until the cops showed up ("You're not going tooooooo?") while GB and I drove off disgusted and b#tching about the incident the whole time. (It's almost 11 am at this point) I took a breath and though like Dorajar would think and said that it was an adventure that was meant to happen, and not only will we still have a good time but little nutso incidences like that make you realize how far you really are in life. They call us a few hours later to meet up. After walking back around the places that We had JUST covered (Which took up another hour), we headed to the Mighty Midway. And THAT, gentle readers...That's when the complaining really started.

This young lady b#tched endlessly (Like, little kid bitched too. It was either too hot, too tired, too this, too that. Pouting, really POUTING, the entire time.) which started AL b#tching. Which in turn got GB crabby. Right before we arrived at the Eco-Building (To watch the silly video I shot earlier in the month) and after the 4th time of being asked"Do you even KNOW where this place IS?" I turned around and said "Look. If you guys want to wait here. Or go home. Whatever. I don't care. I can check this out and have a great day at the Fair alone. Otherwise? Mumbo, Jumbo, and Peaches? Please shut the f#ck up."

And I walked off. And they laughed at their new names. And then we watched the game outside of "Trash Mountain". And they laughed at me. Then we sky-trammed it back to save our aching feet. And then we hugged. And then we left.

(Sighs)

I don't think he's talking to her anymore. And it makes me happy.

And for those keeping score, the total food tally for the day was: Deep fried turkey sandwich, two beers, a pronto pup, a gyro, and we shared cookies and cheese curds.

The end.

*Granted, she could have been really really upset and she did start crying while GB and I waited outside. But still. "Write that down for me"?!?!

I don't think so.

Really a nice weekend

So sue. This week has been busy and uneventful. (With the exception of Dorajar taking me to a"new NE Mipples" restaurant behind Bollywood Imports. Authentic South Indian fare! My tikka chicken was good, but the aloo palak was very oily) Yeah...and um, I cracked my coffee urn? Whoops?

Last weekend? Pip to the Pip:

Frids- Engaged in my annual bowling loss at the alley formerly known as Stardust. I made less of an ass of myself than I normally do, and have yet to break the elusive 100 mark. Happy Birthday Wiiman!

Sats- was a running around sort of day. I went and visited my nephew and bro/sis in law out in the Savage Land. Lil' Zachy has discovered giggling and goober-kisses. He's a lamprey! And, if I may say so myself, is very good at understand refined humor. My dirty jokes went over quite well, thankyouverymuch.

I got home in time to nap, gussy up, and head to Stipples for Kaiser and Nic's wedding at Irvine Park before departing for the caves for some recepting. It was really great to be around so many people who I love so much, you know? The night was accentuated by cave tours, explaining to Bretmonster that I don't appreciate being called "Professor Von Junk", free booze/snick snacks, telling spooky Stipples/Caves ghost stories then having Ry-Gonn correct me (I kid, I kid) and dancing to awesome 80's goodness. (Props to Dorajar for her interpretive dance to "She's Like the Wind". She's been rehearsing for days)

Oh, and congrats Kaiser and NicJoy. Happiness to you both.

Sunds I made plans with AL and the gay burrito to hit the Fair. We were going to go early in the a.m. in order to get out early so that we beat the riff-raff. The day, however...proved to be a lot more interesting.

That's the next blog...

A telegram to the weather

(In light of the last 2 weeks worth of rain- Today notwithstanding...GORgeous)


"Dear Rain." (Stop)
"Stop". (Stop)

The open letter:

Rain,

This letter has been a long time coming, but I wanted to let you know that if we are to continue in this relationship we need to establish some ground rules. We've known each other long enough, and I think that since we've both grown in our respective ways (Notice how I don't go running out under cathedral drown spouts for impromtu showers when it thunderstorms in the summer? That is simply a recipe for pneumonia) I believe that these requests are completely reasonable and quite frankly- neccessary. Both for my mental health and the health of the community.

1- You are only to rain heavily on intermittent days after the last of your friend, brother snow, has left the ground and there are no longer gray piles at the end of parking lots.

2- The aforementioned rain, must be heavy. And only start between the hours of 9-3pm Monday through Friday. CST

3- This can continue (And you can keep your gray April, and early May) for no more than 3 months, but I don't think that it's difficult to provide us with no less than 15 warm/sunny days to help those of us who suffer from S.A.D. Week 2 of June is when this should subside.

4- Intermittent showers may continue during the duration of the summer, with a request that they start to taper off toward the beginning of August.

5- Showers may (again) last from between 9-3pm CST. They will not allow my commute either to or from work to be hampered and last longer than the 25 minutes it already takes. Yesterday was a grave violation of my trust, rain. 50 minutes is unacceptable.

6- Afternoon and weekend showers are banned. You will not be allowed to hamper any outdoor activities, and jogs will no longer be called "soggy joggies" thank you.

7- In an act of unFATHOMABLE generosity, I will also allow showers between the hours of 1am and 4am- CST. (These "Lil' Dribblers" as I like to call them, help me sleep. And they are MUCH cheaper than a noise machine) Light, distant thunder boomies will enhance this experience.

8- We are NOT Seattle. You may get jealous of the rampant gray wet weather they experience, but lets please let our precipatory reputation here in MN be relagated to a cold-ass February and a snowy-ass March. We DO happen to need to have our own identities, you know?


You see? I don't think that these demands are unreasonable. And I really think that you'll make friends with our farmer pals if you give them copious amounts of H20 when they need it, and not these ramshackle random mish mash antics that you find so amusing.

Not cool, Rain. Not. Cool.

Aquaman runs from the po-po

http://www.startribune.com/462/story/1377104.html


Dumbass.

Creepy

It has always (well, since I first heard it anyway) struck me as an eerie lyric:

"Many miles away, something crawls from the slime, at the bottom of a dark Scottish lake..."

http://www.lyricsdepot.com/the-police/synchronicity.html

Yeah.

In other news, it was a festive weekend. Deeeelicious birthday dinner for buddies on Friday night followed by a hoof around Lake Calhoun. (In case you were wondering, Dorajar had her happy 26th birthday yesterday! Love you darling!) Saturday she spent time w/her KU buddies while I secretly finished preparing her b'day pressies (And wrapping them all ghetto style. Hey! Don't judge me. I ran out of paper.)

That night was the actual "party party" at the casa del Mo-mags which was a pip pip happy affair even though I didn't get to bed until the wee hours. Her buddies called her WAY to frassin' early to go grab brunch at Ikes. I had no time to nappa nappa before an audition for Sun Tzu's: "Art of War" at the PWC. (Which, when you have this much f#cking construction on top of a Twin's game with a downpour to boot? Takes a good 40 minutes to get their from my place. DO NOT WANT!!!)

I DID get a nap in before meeting Dora and buddies for dinner. Note to self: Self? Adelita's has a live one-person band playing on Sunday nights. Loudly. And off key. It diminished the humor greatly after trying to shout our conversation.



Lastly, it's cold out. It has made sleeping HEAVENly (So much nicer to snuggle McCuddle under thick blankets than it is to swelter above them) However, I did have to turn my heater on briefly this morning on my commute.

Frass.

No no no...the coolness does NOT stop here

Yeah, so it's like a flood gate. Do you WANT me to show you cool s#it? DO YOU!!!


S'what I thought. A co-worker directed me here:

http://www.history.com/minisite.do?content_type=mini_home&mini_id=54986



Okay, so what if you all already know about this. SOME of us lack extendo-cool cable. (Much to my roommates occasional chagrin. I can't justify payin' for s#it that I never watch anyway unless I'm at a hotel, you know?)

Those kyoshoshinkai f#ckers are NUTS!!!