I gotta go bad...

So I'm probably jinxing myself here, but I'll frass about this quick anyway-

Funemployment can be great and all, but there is this strange and pressing need for an income that cannot be circumnavigated. And in the last two years, I've been in the same boat a few times and it never, ever, changes. You do your due diligence, of course. Hound the temp agencies. Comb through Monster and Careerbuilder...and the disappointing Classifieds. And when they call you, you need to keep cool, Fonzie. Do NOT sound desperate. Do NOT let them hear your tail wag. And above all, be wary of your own pride. (It's hard to not jump at the first s#it job they throw at you. )

So I was fairly surprised when the in house temp company who originally hired me on my last contracted fi-DOUCHE-iary assignment called me in for...the strangest thing. I'll frass about it more tomorrow if/when I confirm the po-po, let's just say that they said it's mine after I fill out the background check and take a drug test.

Wait whaaaaat?

So this is really no big deal, except it makes me feel like I've got to answer the riddle of the Sphinx beforehand (after all, it is a test) and it gives me the same, weird, deep-seated anxiety that you get when you see a cop car flash their lights behind you before they pass you up, or when the truant officer would say "Michael, the principal would like to see you". (When really it's about the d-bag you walk to school with who had chewing tobacco in his backpack) I mean I even feel like they'll call me out for that time I was 12 and ate almost an entire bottle of Children's Tylenol because they tasted like Smarties.

I guess it strikes me as weird in this day and age that the ability to determine if you have drugs in your body is a factor in whether they need you to work in a corporate setting. You'd think they'd either want you mega-sedated to help alleviate the tedium of being a cube-jockey or hopped-up on goofballs to improve your productivity.

They'll be sore disappointed when they find an NO2 based active-male multi-vitamin, and herbal ech/ginseng, and possibly dark chocolate. (I should probably skip the "everything" bagel from Brueggers beforehand, huh?)

And am I an asshole for wanting to eat a lot...and I mean a lot of asparagus before I go in?