This was born from a conversation I had backstage w/the Rice where we both discovered we have this weird thing about deep dark water (and undersea wrecks). Remember, these are legitimate things I’m afraid of…they’re just- Irrational. And oddly enough revolve around water, which I love (Yay Capricornicus Pornicus! The water goat!)
My teeth falling out: I have had nightmares about this since I had some dental work done back in ’97.
Great White Sharks: (And sharks in general) Even though Benchley regrets the portray of them in his novel (He's a big GWS preservationist now.) Jaws really effed me up as a kid. One of my all-time favorite movies, I am just terrified of the mo-fo’s. I’m fascinated and fearful all at once, so when I was a kid I read allll about our friend the carcharodon carcharias. And I have decided that with my future lottery winnings, I need to swim with sharks off the coast of Australia. Hoope die iee aas. (Shark off the bow!)
Deep Dark water/undersea wrecks: I’ve wanted to learn SCUBA after watching Cousteau docs on PBS as a kid. Checking out wrecks and reefs all seems cool, but for some strange reason it also seems a little foreboding. An example of the Deep water bit is if you’ve ever seen an anchor chain going from the stern of a boat going into the water…you can see it go down about 10-15 feet and then it just…disappears. And the whole undersea wreck thing? Fucking moray eels hide in that shit, man!
The undertow: Mom freaked me out about the undertow when we visited my snowbird grandparents down at the Gulf O’ Mexico. "It’ll suck ya right out into the ocean!" (She knew my predilection towards taking all my clothes off and running into the water to go swimming. As I’d proved on that trip, and the previous years trip to Disney World. Maybe she was trying to keep me safe?)
Low-head dams: There was a spate of boater drownings about 20 odd years ago as a result of getting trapped under low head dams. Don’t ask.
Red Kryptonite
Snapping turtle biting off my ‘nads: Folks caught one up at our cabin when I was 10 and it was an ornery cuss. The thought of one of those fuckers milling around our lake just freaked me out.
Getting pushed over the railing at the city center: I don’t mind heights, but I get weirded out at the thought of taking a dive over the railing. Same goes for the IDS.
Fire and Electrocution: I’ve been burned, badly. And with the recent kitchen renovations, I’ve shocked myself more often than I care to admit.
Broken Glass: Ish.
Forgetting Karate: I have nightmares wear I get my ass kicked by a 4-year-old with no skills. Or that I’m backed in a corner by some neer’do well w/no where to run. All punches and kicks are thrown like I’m having a seizure, and they contain no power whatsoever. I think that it is my subconscious telling me to get to the dojo more often.
Quicksand: Rent Blazing Saddles.
Portuguese Man of Wars: (Jelly fish). I saw one washed up on a beach once. Menace…pure menace from something like looked like someone made a bubble with grape gum and spit it out. See also: Flying piranha.
What're yer fears? Did you overcome 'em? Or "Face your Fears" which in French sounds like: "Fiss yur Furs"
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