The ice breaker question of the day issss:
What is your limit for touching between platonic friends?
Are the platonic friends currently in a relationship with other people? If not, I think it anything goes...and it truly depends on the friends involved. (I've seen some weird shit go down between "friends". Where you look and think to yourself "Damn". Or, if you're like me you say out loud "DAMN!") Hugs and Kisses I are fine (So long as the mouth doesn't open) and I know that I'm guilty of a little ass grabbing here and there. And you know something, the closest I ever came to cheating on someone was when I was starting to get to know J and the "casual touches" started setting off my Spider-Sense. (Waitaminute...is she being flirty? We boys can be so thick.) Actors have a tendency of being a little more touchy feely than most folks...so I think our "limits" are a little bit higher. You know, I know a dude who is borderline haphephobic (Fearful of touching.) where he can shake hands, but that's about it. Always uncomfortable for a boy like me who is big on "hughello's".
True story-
During my bachelor days of yore, I would mercilessly kick people out of my apartment if I was ready for bed. When the verbal warning failed....off came my clothes...followed by a threat that I would hug them if they didn't leave. I'm honestly suprised that Ry-Gonn still talks to me after that fiasco'.
"Arrrrgh get away, get away, that's fucking disGUSTING!"
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Audience Precipitation
Because I don't want to talk about clothes, food, or working out right now.
#1 Was there anything unusual about your birth?
and
#2 What did you do after school?
Por moi?
Well, I was born on Christmas. I suppose that in and of itself is fairly unusual, if not unique.
Ummm, my mom thought she had gas. She was getting the house ready for X-Mas, couldn't take it anymore, and called her doc to let him know she had (quote) " painful gas."
Doc-"How long have you had it?"
Ma-"It comes and goes, every 15-20 minutes I guess"
Doc-"Get to North right away!"
There was some hemming and hawing on her part, mostly about having to leave my big brother at home w/Dad on X-mas. (That and my dad had to get pulled away from the football game. )After I was born, I was apparently wrapped in my umbilical cord and just shy of being a blue baby. They sent me home in a oversized candystripe Christmas Stocking.
My mom says I was the best present ever. My brother thinks I've ruined Christmases for the last 30 years. Dork.
#2- (I'm gonna break this down a bit)
Ellie-Mentry: Hauled ass home (I was a walker) to watch cartoons. I lived with the vain hope that I'd catch the Scooby Doo episode with Batman and Robin as the guest stars. (I'd only seen it once...and it was glorious) Except it was usually only Jerry Reed or Mama Cass Elliot. Bitch.
Jr. High- I did pretty much the same as above, except for Fall when I was in football. My new habit was to eat either a whole bag of Pizza Rolls (Yes, the big bag) or a whole totino's pizza. It was microwaved so that it was soggy, and went down faster. Piggy Piggy Piggy boy.
I was still a walker, but I'd take my time in 7th and 8th grade to let the bullies get out first.
As luck would have it, the prettiest gal in school- Lynne, would be walking home about a block or so ahead of me. I would usually have some innane fantasy scenario in my head that maybe someday she'd slow down long enough to want to walk with me. Once, we actually left school at the same time- Except I doubled back and walked around the whole school to give her some lead time. (Chicken shit). In the 9th grade, we both wound upp in the same play together and we actually became buds.(Thanks, growth spurt) . Heck, I was gonna use open enrollment to follow her to the HS she was in but to no avail. This story is getting long. More details below for the interested*
High School-
Um, Extra Curric's took over (Foo'Ball and then theatre in the winter and spring) So, if there was enough time I'd catch a nap. My 1st LTGF took up the rest of my life after school in 11th and 12th grades. That sucked.
How about youse?
* Senior year, during a 1-month break up from the LTGF, I went to Prom at Lynner's high school w/a community theatre buddy of mine. I ran into her and actually scored a dance! (And also with, incidentally, both my 8th and 9th grade gf's- I recall thinking how absolutely flipping gorgeous they all had become. Problem was, I didn't get to dance with my own date 'til the last song of the night. Nice job, prick-o.)
I ran into Lynner again during my stint at Comm. Coll. We were in choir together and at the time I had a new LTGF. On our big spring choir tour to Alex, (My gf wasn't there) we ended up going for a walk together 'round the resort. We wound up, appropriately enough, at this playground. We sat on the swings and talked for an hour or so, she asking me about my new gf, and then telling me that her long term bf and she had finally broken up. I was finally able to confess my little "walking a block behind her in jr.high" story, to which she laughed her butt off .
We did the whole "staring at each other quietly" for a bit...dragging our feets in the gravel. Then she leaned over, gave me little kiss...and said "'Night, P- - - - -. " (I loved the whole jock-o thing about her. A former softball playa, she was one of the few females who called me by my last name.) I fell a little in love with her that night. After the semester was over we parted ways. And I haven't seen her since. Gosh, that'll be 10 years now. Man, P...that just sounded like a freakin' Dan Fogelburg song.
#1 Was there anything unusual about your birth?
and
#2 What did you do after school?
Por moi?
Well, I was born on Christmas. I suppose that in and of itself is fairly unusual, if not unique.
Ummm, my mom thought she had gas. She was getting the house ready for X-Mas, couldn't take it anymore, and called her doc to let him know she had (quote) " painful gas."
Doc-"How long have you had it?"
Ma-"It comes and goes, every 15-20 minutes I guess"
Doc-"Get to North right away!"
There was some hemming and hawing on her part, mostly about having to leave my big brother at home w/Dad on X-mas. (That and my dad had to get pulled away from the football game. )After I was born, I was apparently wrapped in my umbilical cord and just shy of being a blue baby. They sent me home in a oversized candystripe Christmas Stocking.
My mom says I was the best present ever. My brother thinks I've ruined Christmases for the last 30 years. Dork.
#2- (I'm gonna break this down a bit)
Ellie-Mentry: Hauled ass home (I was a walker) to watch cartoons. I lived with the vain hope that I'd catch the Scooby Doo episode with Batman and Robin as the guest stars. (I'd only seen it once...and it was glorious) Except it was usually only Jerry Reed or Mama Cass Elliot. Bitch.
Jr. High- I did pretty much the same as above, except for Fall when I was in football. My new habit was to eat either a whole bag of Pizza Rolls (Yes, the big bag) or a whole totino's pizza. It was microwaved so that it was soggy, and went down faster. Piggy Piggy Piggy boy.
I was still a walker, but I'd take my time in 7th and 8th grade to let the bullies get out first.
As luck would have it, the prettiest gal in school- Lynne, would be walking home about a block or so ahead of me. I would usually have some innane fantasy scenario in my head that maybe someday she'd slow down long enough to want to walk with me. Once, we actually left school at the same time- Except I doubled back and walked around the whole school to give her some lead time. (Chicken shit). In the 9th grade, we both wound upp in the same play together and we actually became buds.(Thanks, growth spurt) . Heck, I was gonna use open enrollment to follow her to the HS she was in but to no avail. This story is getting long. More details below for the interested*
High School-
Um, Extra Curric's took over (Foo'Ball and then theatre in the winter and spring) So, if there was enough time I'd catch a nap. My 1st LTGF took up the rest of my life after school in 11th and 12th grades. That sucked.
How about youse?
* Senior year, during a 1-month break up from the LTGF, I went to Prom at Lynner's high school w/a community theatre buddy of mine. I ran into her and actually scored a dance! (And also with, incidentally, both my 8th and 9th grade gf's- I recall thinking how absolutely flipping gorgeous they all had become. Problem was, I didn't get to dance with my own date 'til the last song of the night. Nice job, prick-o.)
I ran into Lynner again during my stint at Comm. Coll. We were in choir together and at the time I had a new LTGF. On our big spring choir tour to Alex, (My gf wasn't there) we ended up going for a walk together 'round the resort. We wound up, appropriately enough, at this playground. We sat on the swings and talked for an hour or so, she asking me about my new gf, and then telling me that her long term bf and she had finally broken up. I was finally able to confess my little "walking a block behind her in jr.high" story, to which she laughed her butt off .
We did the whole "staring at each other quietly" for a bit...dragging our feets in the gravel. Then she leaned over, gave me little kiss...and said "'Night, P- - - - -. " (I loved the whole jock-o thing about her. A former softball playa, she was one of the few females who called me by my last name.) I fell a little in love with her that night. After the semester was over we parted ways. And I haven't seen her since. Gosh, that'll be 10 years now. Man, P...that just sounded like a freakin' Dan Fogelburg song.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
I hate posts that sound this way, but I really have no other way to articulate this:
I drank way too much last night.
Calorie. Hog. I mean. it was really quite a lovely time, all told. B & T came over, we fondued, and drank. A lot. (Fondue, btw, with chicken broth in lieu of boiling oil is delicious, and a titch healthier. You need a shite load of broth 'cause that shit evaporates quickly.)
Wait, we fondued with another couple over cocktails? Where are we, the flippin' 70's? Where is my disco shirt???
2 Pitchers of Margie's, A bottle and a half of veeno, a little chocolate cake (Which I was not allowed to say "No" to apparently. "Hon, I'm okay" /"Eat it" /"okay") and hot weather are all a saucy combination for debauchery. Or at least, quite a bit of smack-talking. And we did. The smackiest. I am absolutely mortified at the number of dishy's that were left in the sink...it nearly sent me into OCD overload ("Would you STOP doing dishes and come in here please?")
I'm a little slow on the draw today, and have to work the #2 jobby tonight, so I'll keep this brief. I've a 7/4/05 BBQ to attend and the peeps throwing it have a pool. Which means if it is a hot day and I have any intention on taking a dip (I don't) , I'm gonna need to train hard all week to get last nights poison outta my bod. Lest I enter the pool looking like Sha-flippin-moo. I'm serious. There'd be an oil slick following me like I'm the Exxon Valdez. Not really oil, more like a Pinot Grigio slick.
Flammable-Water.
Anybody wanna buy a house? Robbinsdale, quiet neighborhood, close to the busline and minutes away from Downtown. I am afeared that my big bro will be sitting on 2 house payments until it sells. If anyone knows any interested buyers, just direct them to this MLS #3023567
Super cute?
I drank way too much last night.
Calorie. Hog. I mean. it was really quite a lovely time, all told. B & T came over, we fondued, and drank. A lot. (Fondue, btw, with chicken broth in lieu of boiling oil is delicious, and a titch healthier. You need a shite load of broth 'cause that shit evaporates quickly.)
Wait, we fondued with another couple over cocktails? Where are we, the flippin' 70's? Where is my disco shirt???
2 Pitchers of Margie's, A bottle and a half of veeno, a little chocolate cake (Which I was not allowed to say "No" to apparently. "Hon, I'm okay" /"Eat it" /"okay") and hot weather are all a saucy combination for debauchery. Or at least, quite a bit of smack-talking. And we did. The smackiest. I am absolutely mortified at the number of dishy's that were left in the sink...it nearly sent me into OCD overload ("Would you STOP doing dishes and come in here please?")
I'm a little slow on the draw today, and have to work the #2 jobby tonight, so I'll keep this brief. I've a 7/4/05 BBQ to attend and the peeps throwing it have a pool. Which means if it is a hot day and I have any intention on taking a dip (I don't) , I'm gonna need to train hard all week to get last nights poison outta my bod. Lest I enter the pool looking like Sha-flippin-moo. I'm serious. There'd be an oil slick following me like I'm the Exxon Valdez. Not really oil, more like a Pinot Grigio slick.
Flammable-Water.
Anybody wanna buy a house? Robbinsdale, quiet neighborhood, close to the busline and minutes away from Downtown. I am afeared that my big bro will be sitting on 2 house payments until it sells. If anyone knows any interested buyers, just direct them to this MLS #3023567
Super cute?
Thursday, June 23, 2005
REVEEENNNGGEEE!!!
Seeing Batman Begins again, I start to get the feeling I have a soft spot in my heart for revenge movies. I'm not a vengeful person by nature nor have I ever tried to "get back" at someone through spite, malice, or anger. (It's Kinda rude, Kinda uncouth, Kinda a waste of time. Have the patience and calm understanding of a Jedi, and you can't really go wrong.)
Still, I can't help but think that I experience a catharsis whenever these films come on. They're the kind of movies that, were they to come on the telly on a perfectly beautiful Saturday afternoon I'd still have to drop everything and watch. Even though I own them all on DVD.
I'm gonna qualify these flicks by trying very hard NOT to include movies with "Revenge" in the title. ("Revenge of the Sith" and "Revenge of the Ninja" can't count. I mean, Sith wasn't even technically about revenge... Just set up.) It's not top five-ish, but they are my faves. And really, they aren't necessarily all about revenge...some are about justice. Or, like my old man the ex cop sez: "JUSSS-tice!"
Kill Bill 1 and 2
Pure revenge schlock. Both delicious and easy to digest, a little hyper violence is a terrific palate cleanser. These films (Or should I say film) about a ladies quest for vengeance are great for their choreography and homage's galore for the old school kung fu geek like myself.
The Fugitive
I'm a sucker for this film. Really. Like "Jaws" this is one of those films that will suck away my Saturday. Cool as hell, who'da thunk that it would have got Tommy Lee Jones an Academy Award? (I think Ford shoulda been at least nominated...he's a little over due.) My favorite "Dad-ism" was watching it one lazy Saturday w/my old man. Dr. Kimble is doing the shave/shower/suture scene and he's stripped to the waist. My dad mutters "He's in pretty good shape for an old fart" Classic.
Revenge of the Nerds/Better off Dead
I promised no "revenge" titled movies, but I take exception to one of my personal favorites of the teen T & A films of the 80's. "Nerds" gave me hope that ugly dudes could get some ("Jocks only think about sports, Nerds only think about sex"), spawned dozens of quotable quotes Hey, maybe I could use Gilbert's monologue from the end of the movie at an audition? Look for cameo's by James Cromwell, and John Goodman. I think that there are 2 camps: The John Hughes crowd and the "Nerds" crowd. Not to disparage movies like "TBC", but I never got into "Pretty in Pink" or "Sixteen Candles" the way I did "Nerds". I even dug on "The Big Red One" because Carradine was in it...with some dorkus named Lee Marvin. And Mark Hamill. ; )
They're showing on the IMDB that they may be re-making "Nerds". Ugh...But, "Debbie Does Dallas: The next generation" was loads better than the original. From an artistic standpoint, I mean. (Suckers...)
("BoD" is on their for 2 reasons- (1) the tie in of Curtis Armstrong and (2) I always thought Lane should have gone for Monique over Beth anyway. )
The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)
I waffled on seeing this one when it first came out because of an ex-geef's observation that it looked "corny". A friend of mine rented it and I instantly fell in love with all of the little details of the film.
"For your help, I will teach you philosphy, economics..."/ "How to read and write?"/ "of course..."
Damn! One of Sir Richard Harris's last films outside the Potter genre, I know people who still naysay this film to death but for my money, it is a terrific flick to throw in if you can't decide what you want to watch. And it was the 1st movie J and I rented together on our 1st date back to her place. Even though we had both seen it, we just knew it was a good watch. And frickin' Guzman is in it! GUUUUUZMAAAAN....KNIFE Fighting btw!
So what're yours?
Still, I can't help but think that I experience a catharsis whenever these films come on. They're the kind of movies that, were they to come on the telly on a perfectly beautiful Saturday afternoon I'd still have to drop everything and watch. Even though I own them all on DVD.
I'm gonna qualify these flicks by trying very hard NOT to include movies with "Revenge" in the title. ("Revenge of the Sith" and "Revenge of the Ninja" can't count. I mean, Sith wasn't even technically about revenge... Just set up.) It's not top five-ish, but they are my faves. And really, they aren't necessarily all about revenge...some are about justice. Or, like my old man the ex cop sez: "JUSSS-tice!"
Kill Bill 1 and 2
Pure revenge schlock. Both delicious and easy to digest, a little hyper violence is a terrific palate cleanser. These films (Or should I say film) about a ladies quest for vengeance are great for their choreography and homage's galore for the old school kung fu geek like myself.
The Fugitive
I'm a sucker for this film. Really. Like "Jaws" this is one of those films that will suck away my Saturday. Cool as hell, who'da thunk that it would have got Tommy Lee Jones an Academy Award? (I think Ford shoulda been at least nominated...he's a little over due.) My favorite "Dad-ism" was watching it one lazy Saturday w/my old man. Dr. Kimble is doing the shave/shower/suture scene and he's stripped to the waist. My dad mutters "He's in pretty good shape for an old fart" Classic.
Revenge of the Nerds/Better off Dead
I promised no "revenge" titled movies, but I take exception to one of my personal favorites of the teen T & A films of the 80's. "Nerds" gave me hope that ugly dudes could get some ("Jocks only think about sports, Nerds only think about sex"), spawned dozens of quotable quotes Hey, maybe I could use Gilbert's monologue from the end of the movie at an audition? Look for cameo's by James Cromwell, and John Goodman. I think that there are 2 camps: The John Hughes crowd and the "Nerds" crowd. Not to disparage movies like "TBC", but I never got into "Pretty in Pink" or "Sixteen Candles" the way I did "Nerds". I even dug on "The Big Red One" because Carradine was in it...with some dorkus named Lee Marvin. And Mark Hamill. ; )
They're showing on the IMDB that they may be re-making "Nerds". Ugh...But, "Debbie Does Dallas: The next generation" was loads better than the original. From an artistic standpoint, I mean. (Suckers...)
("BoD" is on their for 2 reasons- (1) the tie in of Curtis Armstrong and (2) I always thought Lane should have gone for Monique over Beth anyway. )
The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)
I waffled on seeing this one when it first came out because of an ex-geef's observation that it looked "corny". A friend of mine rented it and I instantly fell in love with all of the little details of the film.
"For your help, I will teach you philosphy, economics..."/ "How to read and write?"/ "of course..."
Damn! One of Sir Richard Harris's last films outside the Potter genre, I know people who still naysay this film to death but for my money, it is a terrific flick to throw in if you can't decide what you want to watch. And it was the 1st movie J and I rented together on our 1st date back to her place. Even though we had both seen it, we just knew it was a good watch. And frickin' Guzman is in it! GUUUUUZMAAAAN....KNIFE Fighting btw!
So what're yours?
Monday, June 20, 2005
TGTPU*
*Too good to pass up...I'm on a monologue kick, but this. This. Ohhhhh next year at the Flying G's open call, baby- THE serious monologue. I'm kicking it Old School:
Well, uh I guess I, deep down, am feeling a little confused. I mean, suddenly, you get married, and you're supposed to be this entirely different guy. I don't feel different. I mean, take yesterday for example. We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I sort of think well maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about. You know, and uh, and I started feeling... what? what I thought we were in the trust tree in the nest, were we not?
Pervy, P...real Pervy
Well, uh I guess I, deep down, am feeling a little confused. I mean, suddenly, you get married, and you're supposed to be this entirely different guy. I don't feel different. I mean, take yesterday for example. We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I sort of think well maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about. You know, and uh, and I started feeling... what? what I thought we were in the trust tree in the nest, were we not?
Pervy, P...real Pervy
I'm a mess...
I'm falling apart. . With the inclusion of my sunburned back, I've got a veritable laundry list of maladies today . My work shoes are causing my left arch to scream so I'm forced to jerry rig this arch support out of rolled up napkins. (I'm doing this 'cause Iit's causing me to favor my right leg, and we all know that doing this can cause Chadwickian back problems down the line. )
And after this weekend of pulling out tree stumps and helping my folks move= I am all over sore. (And me with my whole macho-ass "Not gonna take Ibuprofen to mask the injury" attitude. Fuck dat, today I break out the big-kid 800 mg Ib's)
Sore like being back in summer football training (boot) camp. (Hell week, as we affectionately called it.) Urgh, back/legs/neck/head (Too many G and T's) arms/tits...All sore. I would invest in Bio-Freeze ('spensive stuff) or Icy Hot, but that'd remind me too much of an embarrassing accident which occured circa 1992 where I gave myself a good icy hot meltdown after practice. And apparently didn't wash my hands well enough after the application. Then used the loo. You know? (I'm not gonna draw you a picture...let's just say it was icy and hot.)
Listen to me whine. P: You danced, now you gotta pay the piper. Today is the day I shoulda called in. Bleargh
And after this weekend of pulling out tree stumps and helping my folks move= I am all over sore. (And me with my whole macho-ass "Not gonna take Ibuprofen to mask the injury" attitude. Fuck dat, today I break out the big-kid 800 mg Ib's)
Sore like being back in summer football training (boot) camp. (Hell week, as we affectionately called it.) Urgh, back/legs/neck/head (Too many G and T's) arms/tits...All sore. I would invest in Bio-Freeze ('spensive stuff) or Icy Hot, but that'd remind me too much of an embarrassing accident which occured circa 1992 where I gave myself a good icy hot meltdown after practice. And apparently didn't wash my hands well enough after the application. Then used the loo. You know? (I'm not gonna draw you a picture...let's just say it was icy and hot.)
Listen to me whine. P: You danced, now you gotta pay the piper. Today is the day I shoulda called in. Bleargh
Friday, June 17, 2005
Batman's audition piece's
Wow. Just, wow. My love of movie quotes and the IMDB has unearthed some hi-larious future monologues. (In case yer wondering about why I'm posting this- I've had "Bats" on the brain, so I was checking out Bale's filmography. Btw, according to the film crew he only lost 63 Lbs for La Machinist. Hella gross skinny. Like Jared Leto in the "Ass to Ass" film. Weird. He too, was in the below mentioned movie.)
These 'logues are from "American Psycho" (Which wasn't a terrific film, mind you... A more interesting read, IMHO. A friend wanted me to watch it for this one particular scene that he said "Reminded him of me". Whatever. If you've seen the flick and maybe know the scene in question, well, a big hearty whatever to you too. I've never flexed my bicep in a mirror during sex, thankyouverymuch. Jiggled my pecs, yes...but never flexed my arm.) I'm thinking his performance in the film is probably what got him cast as Bruce Wayne in the 1st place. Bale is steadily approaching the short list of "Actor's who P is irrationally jealous of." He's a good, honest actor. He's my age. And he is in great shape. Dickhead. I hate 'im.
I don't think I'd ever use either one of these unless someone was directing a Labute or Mamet play...but just. Wow. It's a sick world and I'm a happy guy.
Harold, it's Bateman, Patrick Bateman. You're my lawyer so I think you should know: I've killed a lot of people. Some girls in the apartment uptown uh, some homeless people maybe 5 or 10 um an NYU girl I met in Central Park. I left her in a parking lot behind some donut shop. I killed Bethany, my old girlfriend, with a nail gun, and some man uh some old faggot with a dog last week. I killed another girl with a chainsaw, I had to, she almost got away and uh someone else there I can't remember maybe a model, but she's dead too. And Paul Allen. I killed Paul Allen with an axe in the face, his body is dissolving in a bathtub in Hell's Kitchen. I don't want to leave anything out here. I guess I've killed maybe 20 people, maybe 40. I have tapes of a lot of it, uh some of the girls have seen the tapes. I even, um... I ate some of their brains, and I tried to cook a little. Tonight I, uh, I just had to kill a LOT of people. And I'm not sure I'm gonna get away with it this time. I guess I'll uh, I mean, ah, I guess I'm a pretty uh, I mean I guess I'm a pretty sick guy. So, if you get back tomorrow, meet me at Harry's Bar, so you know, keep your eyes open.
Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Christy, take off your robe. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. Sabrina, remove your dress. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Sabrina, why don't you, uh, dance a little. Take the lyrics to Land of Confusion. In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. In Too Deep is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I've heard in rock. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your ass. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like In the Air Tonight and Against All Odds. Sabrina, don't just stare at it, eat it. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is Sussudio, a great, great song, a personal favorite.
These 'logues are from "American Psycho" (Which wasn't a terrific film, mind you... A more interesting read, IMHO. A friend wanted me to watch it for this one particular scene that he said "Reminded him of me". Whatever. If you've seen the flick and maybe know the scene in question, well, a big hearty whatever to you too. I've never flexed my bicep in a mirror during sex, thankyouverymuch. Jiggled my pecs, yes...but never flexed my arm.) I'm thinking his performance in the film is probably what got him cast as Bruce Wayne in the 1st place. Bale is steadily approaching the short list of "Actor's who P is irrationally jealous of." He's a good, honest actor. He's my age. And he is in great shape. Dickhead. I hate 'im.
I don't think I'd ever use either one of these unless someone was directing a Labute or Mamet play...but just. Wow. It's a sick world and I'm a happy guy.
Harold, it's Bateman, Patrick Bateman. You're my lawyer so I think you should know: I've killed a lot of people. Some girls in the apartment uptown uh, some homeless people maybe 5 or 10 um an NYU girl I met in Central Park. I left her in a parking lot behind some donut shop. I killed Bethany, my old girlfriend, with a nail gun, and some man uh some old faggot with a dog last week. I killed another girl with a chainsaw, I had to, she almost got away and uh someone else there I can't remember maybe a model, but she's dead too. And Paul Allen. I killed Paul Allen with an axe in the face, his body is dissolving in a bathtub in Hell's Kitchen. I don't want to leave anything out here. I guess I've killed maybe 20 people, maybe 40. I have tapes of a lot of it, uh some of the girls have seen the tapes. I even, um... I ate some of their brains, and I tried to cook a little. Tonight I, uh, I just had to kill a LOT of people. And I'm not sure I'm gonna get away with it this time. I guess I'll uh, I mean, ah, I guess I'm a pretty uh, I mean I guess I'm a pretty sick guy. So, if you get back tomorrow, meet me at Harry's Bar, so you know, keep your eyes open.
Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Christy, take off your robe. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. Sabrina, remove your dress. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Sabrina, why don't you, uh, dance a little. Take the lyrics to Land of Confusion. In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. In Too Deep is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I've heard in rock. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your ass. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like In the Air Tonight and Against All Odds. Sabrina, don't just stare at it, eat it. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is Sussudio, a great, great song, a personal favorite.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Blogadaisical...
(Apologies for the apathetic nature of the following blog, gentle readers. I'm waiting to see if I got a callback for "Pitch-Nitch" and I'm gettin' a wee antsy. Bad form for me, I know...but, you know?)
My hair is a mess. Unruly. I can slather in gobs O' product, and the mighty power of the wave causes it to pop out everywhere. ("Well, why don't you cut it?" Duurrrhhhh?) Well, I can spend the $ elsewhere and I look like an even bigger dorkus malorkus w/short hair. Pin head.
Why can't it be a "rakish mop"? That's kickin' it old school- "My, doesn't he have a rakish mop?"
Naw. More like "Hairy douchebag". And I still fear balding.
NEW WORDS THURSDAY! (For no other reason than this Hair tangent is going nowhere)
gonnies (pronounced GO-knee's) Testicles.
mort- (N/adj) A dork, or lame character. I kiped this from Wizard magazine which uses it to describe uber-lame superhero characters. (Howard the Duck, Squirrel Girl, and-no shit- "D-Man". He was an Avenger for like, 2 ish's. He was just a frickin smelly homeless guy who was really strong. LAME! Shame on you, Captain America.)
fuckbake: (N/Adj) A jerk or asshole. Describes a situation. (This play is fuckbaked.)
buck-buck: (N/adj) crazy talker/funny talker. I discovered this one by accident. I used to throw "buck-buck" after duo-syllabic names 'cause I thought it sounded funny. (Ex: Bonnie Bonnie Buck-Buck...) My Indian co-worker informed me , after saying "Niddi Niddi Buck Buck", that in Hindi "buck-buck" means crazytalker. Or bullshitter. Or funnytalker. You are all now thinking of my name and throwing "buck buck" after it, aren't you?
Okay. Relief is now being sighed. I got called back. Now, all I have to do...is find out who I must destroy. BUH WAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Kidding, kidding.
BUH WAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Pinky, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
My hair is a mess. Unruly. I can slather in gobs O' product, and the mighty power of the wave causes it to pop out everywhere. ("Well, why don't you cut it?" Duurrrhhhh?) Well, I can spend the $ elsewhere and I look like an even bigger dorkus malorkus w/short hair. Pin head.
Why can't it be a "rakish mop"? That's kickin' it old school- "My, doesn't he have a rakish mop?"
Naw. More like "Hairy douchebag". And I still fear balding.
NEW WORDS THURSDAY! (For no other reason than this Hair tangent is going nowhere)
gonnies (pronounced GO-knee's) Testicles.
mort- (N/adj) A dork, or lame character. I kiped this from Wizard magazine which uses it to describe uber-lame superhero characters. (Howard the Duck, Squirrel Girl, and-no shit- "D-Man". He was an Avenger for like, 2 ish's. He was just a frickin smelly homeless guy who was really strong. LAME! Shame on you, Captain America.)
fuckbake: (N/Adj) A jerk or asshole. Describes a situation. (This play is fuckbaked.)
buck-buck: (N/adj) crazy talker/funny talker. I discovered this one by accident. I used to throw "buck-buck" after duo-syllabic names 'cause I thought it sounded funny. (Ex: Bonnie Bonnie Buck-Buck...) My Indian co-worker informed me , after saying "Niddi Niddi Buck Buck", that in Hindi "buck-buck" means crazytalker. Or bullshitter. Or funnytalker. You are all now thinking of my name and throwing "buck buck" after it, aren't you?
Okay. Relief is now being sighed. I got called back. Now, all I have to do...is find out who I must destroy. BUH WAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Kidding, kidding.
BUH WAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Pinky, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Rock Rant.
A mofo-ing rock hit my windsheild today on the way to work. Not kidding, this thing was literally the size of a Bruckheimer asteroid. The kind of thing when it impacts you say "HO Shit!!!" with all of the air in your lungs. (Which I did.)
A miracle, really, that it didn't shatter or chip anything. My insurance agent would probably had a conniption fit.
I started thinking about how I could make a funny-funny about the agent saying "Hey, were you driving through Bethlehem and said the Lords name in vain or something?" (Get it? Anyone see "Life of Brian"? One of the 1st naughty movies my parents rented that they let me watch. "Jehovah Jehovah Jehovah!!!") Meh...I got nothing.
Car. Got stoned? Nope.
A miracle, really, that it didn't shatter or chip anything. My insurance agent would probably had a conniption fit.
I started thinking about how I could make a funny-funny about the agent saying "Hey, were you driving through Bethlehem and said the Lords name in vain or something?" (Get it? Anyone see "Life of Brian"? One of the 1st naughty movies my parents rented that they let me watch. "Jehovah Jehovah Jehovah!!!") Meh...I got nothing.
Car. Got stoned? Nope.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Grosser than gross*
* This isn't too bad, I promise.
1- The dude in the Mens Room today who, while in the stall, was jabbering away on his cell phone. "So, you want me to pick up eggs, milk, cereal and what else? I couldn't hear that last fart...I mean part."
2- (Cat owners may sympathize) Discovering your cat threw up on the carpet...by stepping in it...at 4am. Ish.
3-Butt Sweat. I have a fat kids metabolism, and with this warm weather we've been having I'm "a-trickling" by the time I get upstairs to my desk. Not-Comfortable.
4-Finding out that my coaching room here at the office has an access panel in it. Accessing what? The "Grease Exhaust" from the cafeteria. Yeah. I call it the "Triple bacon double call coach room"
5- What I used to consume as a kid (I promised you this) which consisted of:
1- The dude in the Mens Room today who, while in the stall, was jabbering away on his cell phone. "So, you want me to pick up eggs, milk, cereal
2- (Cat owners may sympathize) Discovering your cat threw up on the carpet...by stepping in it...at 4am. Ish.
3-Butt Sweat. I have a fat kids metabolism, and with this warm weather we've been having I'm "a-trickling" by the time I get upstairs to my desk. Not-Comfortable.
4-Finding out that my coaching room here at the office has an access panel in it. Accessing what? The "Grease Exhaust" from the cafeteria. Yeah. I call it the "Triple bacon double call coach room"
5- What I used to consume as a kid (I promised you this) which consisted of:
- Arby's 5 for $5 (I'd switch up and get some with cheese too.) I can't believe it's "$5.95" now. Oh, and sometimes for fun I'd get 2 "Big Montana's"
- 3 Cheeseburgers from whatever fast food joint we'd visit. With Fries. And a Mt.Dew/Mello Yello to warsh it all down.
- Any buffet: 3 trips, minimum. Full plates everytime. Dessert? 2 trips, minimum.
- Doughnuts: My fave memories as a kid was hitting up D & D on Brooklyn Blvd or Jacks by NHCC for a donut and milk with my dad. (After a hockey game.) As I got older and I could go by myself...I would buy a dozen donuts. Share 3 with my family. And eat the rest myself. Same goes for donut holes. The whole box. Don't get me started on my former addiction to SA's apple fritters.
- Mt.Dew, Mello Yello, and Jolt. All the time.
- Hostess products- 'Specially Apple Pies. Then Choco-Bliss. Then Ding Dongs. (They were in my favorite comic strip as a kid: Bloom County.) I was also able to demolish a box of swiss cake rolls. I had a method of unraveling the roll and eating it.
- Whole Tostino's pizza's. I'd roll it up and eat it burrito style.
- Atomic Fireballs. Lots.
- Candy Bars. Loved me some peanut butter twix. When I had to sell candy bars for hockey, I scrounged around the house looking for change to buy me some. I ate 'em all.
- Lil' Brooklyn's was a restaurant in BC which touted the "Mexican Platter". It bragged that there was "So much food we serve it with a take home box!" My big brother and I demolished ours, causing the bussing waiter to quietly say: "Jesus..."
- Frank N' Stuf hotdogs. Usually 3 at a setting.
- Oreo's/Chips Ahoy. Usually a row and a half with milk. (I needed to save the other row for later!)
- My mom got a huge dark choc. candy bar in the shape of a fish as a gag gift at her work. She took a couple of bites and left it out. I ate the rest of it. Dipping it in Peanut Butter.
- My own ice cream creation- Chocolate sauce (Or magic shell) Peanut butter, and a full soup bowl of Ice Cream. My mom took to buying a kind that she knew I despised so that it would last longer. (Praline Pecan, in case you were wondering. Yuck.)
- Always two pieces of cake, or pie. Always ala' mode.
And the people at my work wonder why I don't eat the Krispy Kreme's they bring in on Friday's? Yeah.
Irrational Fears
This was born from a conversation I had backstage w/the Rice where we both discovered we have this weird thing about deep dark water (and undersea wrecks). Remember, these are legitimate things I’m afraid of…they’re just- Irrational. And oddly enough revolve around water, which I love (Yay Capricornicus Pornicus! The water goat!)
My teeth falling out: I have had nightmares about this since I had some dental work done back in ’97.
Great White Sharks: (And sharks in general) Even though Benchley regrets the portray of them in his novel (He's a big GWS preservationist now.) Jaws really effed me up as a kid. One of my all-time favorite movies, I am just terrified of the mo-fo’s. I’m fascinated and fearful all at once, so when I was a kid I read allll about our friend the carcharodon carcharias. And I have decided that with my future lottery winnings, I need to swim with sharks off the coast of Australia. Hoope die iee aas. (Shark off the bow!)
Deep Dark water/undersea wrecks: I’ve wanted to learn SCUBA after watching Cousteau docs on PBS as a kid. Checking out wrecks and reefs all seems cool, but for some strange reason it also seems a little foreboding. An example of the Deep water bit is if you’ve ever seen an anchor chain going from the stern of a boat going into the water…you can see it go down about 10-15 feet and then it just…disappears. And the whole undersea wreck thing? Fucking moray eels hide in that shit, man!
The undertow: Mom freaked me out about the undertow when we visited my snowbird grandparents down at the Gulf O’ Mexico. "It’ll suck ya right out into the ocean!" (She knew my predilection towards taking all my clothes off and running into the water to go swimming. As I’d proved on that trip, and the previous years trip to Disney World. Maybe she was trying to keep me safe?)
Low-head dams: There was a spate of boater drownings about 20 odd years ago as a result of getting trapped under low head dams. Don’t ask.
Red Kryptonite
Snapping turtle biting off my ‘nads: Folks caught one up at our cabin when I was 10 and it was an ornery cuss. The thought of one of those fuckers milling around our lake just freaked me out.
Getting pushed over the railing at the city center: I don’t mind heights, but I get weirded out at the thought of taking a dive over the railing. Same goes for the IDS.
Fire and Electrocution: I’ve been burned, badly. And with the recent kitchen renovations, I’ve shocked myself more often than I care to admit.
Broken Glass: Ish.
Forgetting Karate: I have nightmares wear I get my ass kicked by a 4-year-old with no skills. Or that I’m backed in a corner by some neer’do well w/no where to run. All punches and kicks are thrown like I’m having a seizure, and they contain no power whatsoever. I think that it is my subconscious telling me to get to the dojo more often.
Quicksand: Rent Blazing Saddles.
Portuguese Man of Wars: (Jelly fish). I saw one washed up on a beach once. Menace…pure menace from something like looked like someone made a bubble with grape gum and spit it out. See also: Flying piranha.
What're yer fears? Did you overcome 'em? Or "Face your Fears" which in French sounds like: "Fiss yur Furs"
My teeth falling out: I have had nightmares about this since I had some dental work done back in ’97.
Great White Sharks: (And sharks in general) Even though Benchley regrets the portray of them in his novel (He's a big GWS preservationist now.) Jaws really effed me up as a kid. One of my all-time favorite movies, I am just terrified of the mo-fo’s. I’m fascinated and fearful all at once, so when I was a kid I read allll about our friend the carcharodon carcharias. And I have decided that with my future lottery winnings, I need to swim with sharks off the coast of Australia. Hoope die iee aas. (Shark off the bow!)
Deep Dark water/undersea wrecks: I’ve wanted to learn SCUBA after watching Cousteau docs on PBS as a kid. Checking out wrecks and reefs all seems cool, but for some strange reason it also seems a little foreboding. An example of the Deep water bit is if you’ve ever seen an anchor chain going from the stern of a boat going into the water…you can see it go down about 10-15 feet and then it just…disappears. And the whole undersea wreck thing? Fucking moray eels hide in that shit, man!
The undertow: Mom freaked me out about the undertow when we visited my snowbird grandparents down at the Gulf O’ Mexico. "It’ll suck ya right out into the ocean!" (She knew my predilection towards taking all my clothes off and running into the water to go swimming. As I’d proved on that trip, and the previous years trip to Disney World. Maybe she was trying to keep me safe?)
Low-head dams: There was a spate of boater drownings about 20 odd years ago as a result of getting trapped under low head dams. Don’t ask.
Red Kryptonite
Snapping turtle biting off my ‘nads: Folks caught one up at our cabin when I was 10 and it was an ornery cuss. The thought of one of those fuckers milling around our lake just freaked me out.
Getting pushed over the railing at the city center: I don’t mind heights, but I get weirded out at the thought of taking a dive over the railing. Same goes for the IDS.
Fire and Electrocution: I’ve been burned, badly. And with the recent kitchen renovations, I’ve shocked myself more often than I care to admit.
Broken Glass: Ish.
Forgetting Karate: I have nightmares wear I get my ass kicked by a 4-year-old with no skills. Or that I’m backed in a corner by some neer’do well w/no where to run. All punches and kicks are thrown like I’m having a seizure, and they contain no power whatsoever. I think that it is my subconscious telling me to get to the dojo more often.
Quicksand: Rent Blazing Saddles.
Portuguese Man of Wars: (Jelly fish). I saw one washed up on a beach once. Menace…pure menace from something like looked like someone made a bubble with grape gum and spit it out. See also: Flying piranha.
What're yer fears? Did you overcome 'em? Or "Face your Fears" which in French sounds like: "Fiss yur Furs"
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Quick Fat Rant
Just to be clear. I think most of you know this anyways.
I don't think that I'm obese. I know and fully understand obesity and all of the health issues that go around it. And I know I am not that. You may have that impression by reading my blog, but clearly you need to understand satire.
I do not have an eating disorder. I love eating, and most of you know that we (J and I ) like to eat healthy. Some day (maybe today, who knows?) I'll bore you with how I used to eat or with what I could eat. But nowadays, organic lo-calorie and lo-fat food will be fine. 'Kay? Something that saddens and disgusts me are these "Cults of Ana" that anorexic girls are starting. Eeeeee. They just need help.
I have an ideal of what I want to look like. It is a practical image of what I can acheive with my body type and genetics. And yeah, it's tough when you are born with a natural propensity for weight gain (opposite of Kaiser) but that's what you gotta go through. If it offends or irritates you, tough hop.
I grew up a pudgy kid. Moobs and everything. (KWT's son and I had this bonding conversation backstage one night) Teased etc. Puberty was a blessing for me ('cept for the mullet of course) Folks, this ain't some excuse or a "Poor me, look at me wah wah wah". It's just how I was built. It didn't make me angry or bitter. BUT I still have a fat kids mindset, and a fat kids metabolism. (If you've ever seen my delightful fat-kid nipples, you'll know what I mean) I'm actual kinda glad being a pudge-pot was the only problem. At least I never got acne.
If I seem to obsess over fitness/exercise/diet understand that it is really the only way I can keep focused on it. Otherwise I will get lethargic, lazy, and turn to the neighborhood Toxic Bell for comfort. For some folks it's easy, others- not so much. I'm just not one of those terrific self-motivators.
I keep a couple of pics of myself around. 1, was when I was in shape. And 2 others- Not so much. (At least one of them, thankfully, I have a t-shirt on. But, I had 195 lbs. on my frame. I don't wear it well.)
A (recent) ex teased me about my "Chubby Gut" when I was stretching out a few years ago. When I said "That's kinda mean" she justified it by saying I was in better shape when we first met.
In terms of motivation and maintaining a healthy lifestyle= Having a dancer for a future wife is a blessing too. As is, I'm sure, having a marathon runner for a wife. Just don't practice your triple gainer onto the sidewalk. ; )
I am the most self deprecating prick I know. Deal. It's how I stay humble.
I don't think that I'm obese. I know and fully understand obesity and all of the health issues that go around it. And I know I am not that. You may have that impression by reading my blog, but clearly you need to understand satire.
I do not have an eating disorder. I love eating, and most of you know that we (J and I ) like to eat healthy. Some day (maybe today, who knows?) I'll bore you with how I used to eat or with what I could eat. But nowadays, organic lo-calorie and lo-fat food will be fine. 'Kay? Something that saddens and disgusts me are these "Cults of Ana" that anorexic girls are starting. Eeeeee. They just need help.
I have an ideal of what I want to look like. It is a practical image of what I can acheive with my body type and genetics. And yeah, it's tough when you are born with a natural propensity for weight gain (opposite of Kaiser) but that's what you gotta go through. If it offends or irritates you, tough hop.
I grew up a pudgy kid. Moobs and everything. (KWT's son and I had this bonding conversation backstage one night) Teased etc. Puberty was a blessing for me ('cept for the mullet of course) Folks, this ain't some excuse or a "Poor me, look at me wah wah wah". It's just how I was built. It didn't make me angry or bitter. BUT I still have a fat kids mindset, and a fat kids metabolism. (If you've ever seen my delightful fat-kid nipples, you'll know what I mean) I'm actual kinda glad being a pudge-pot was the only problem. At least I never got acne.
If I seem to obsess over fitness/exercise/diet understand that it is really the only way I can keep focused on it. Otherwise I will get lethargic, lazy, and turn to the neighborhood Toxic Bell for comfort. For some folks it's easy, others- not so much. I'm just not one of those terrific self-motivators.
I keep a couple of pics of myself around. 1, was when I was in shape. And 2 others- Not so much. (At least one of them, thankfully, I have a t-shirt on. But, I had 195 lbs. on my frame. I don't wear it well.)
A (recent) ex teased me about my "Chubby Gut" when I was stretching out a few years ago. When I said "That's kinda mean" she justified it by saying I was in better shape when we first met.
In terms of motivation and maintaining a healthy lifestyle= Having a dancer for a future wife is a blessing too. As is, I'm sure, having a marathon runner for a wife. Just don't practice your triple gainer onto the sidewalk. ; )
I am the most self deprecating prick I know. Deal. It's how I stay humble.
K.I.S.S.
People need to chill. Is all I'm saying. Holeee shitballs.
This seems to be justification week throughout the blog-o-sphere. So I'll add mine. Somedays folks, I miss good old fashioned face to face conversation/debate. Except I am not that terribly interesting in real life so I suppose taking up peoples time with my boorish tirades will suffice. Shame really.
Guys: I use sarcasm and wit (And I say those terms lightly because I'm not to good at either of'em) to try to make for funny reading. I keep it topical and shallow because really, there is too much serious business in our personal lives and this little world we live in which means it is SO important to not-take-things-too-seriously. That isn't to say I don't have a serious side, a political side, a snarky/mean side, a deviant side, a condescending side, whatever. But I'm not gonna pollute air and e-space with that baloney. It's not funny. There's a time and place for that campers, and for the most part I think my friends (If you would honor me by letting me call you that) like the nuttier side of me. I will not print real-real personal opinions and business because of people will invariably (A) Misconstrue it-Someone will always miss the point of what you're saying (B) Gossip about it-I fucking hate that (C) Get their feelings hurt by it (D) Get me in the doghouse with J,
I work at a business for 9+ hours a day and have a 2nd job on top of that. The WORST part about both is the tremendous amount of BS I have to chew and swallow on a daily basis just to keep my jobs. The one thing (my boss, of all people) told me that makes any sense is that "Perception is everything- People are going to screw up or not listen entirely to what you say so you had best make yourself as clear as possible while saying as little as possible." Good stuff. And hard, hard stuff for an ADD suffering guy like me to put into practice. But, I'm tryin'.
So, yeah. And stuff. Don't trip, yo'.
This seems to be justification week throughout the blog-o-sphere. So I'll add mine. Somedays folks, I miss good old fashioned face to face conversation/debate. Except I am not that terribly interesting in real life so I suppose taking up peoples time with my boorish tirades will suffice. Shame really.
Guys: I use sarcasm and wit (And I say those terms lightly because I'm not to good at either of'em) to try to make for funny reading. I keep it topical and shallow because really, there is too much serious business in our personal lives and this little world we live in which means it is SO important to not-take-things-too-seriously. That isn't to say I don't have a serious side, a political side, a snarky/mean side, a deviant side, a condescending side, whatever. But I'm not gonna pollute air and e-space with that baloney. It's not funny. There's a time and place for that campers, and for the most part I think my friends (If you would honor me by letting me call you that) like the nuttier side of me. I will not print real-real personal opinions and business because of people will invariably (A) Misconstrue it-Someone will always miss the point of what you're saying (B) Gossip about it-I fucking hate that (C) Get their feelings hurt by it (D) Get me in the doghouse with J,
I work at a business for 9+ hours a day and have a 2nd job on top of that. The WORST part about both is the tremendous amount of BS I have to chew and swallow on a daily basis just to keep my jobs. The one thing (my boss, of all people) told me that makes any sense is that "Perception is everything- People are going to screw up or not listen entirely to what you say so you had best make yourself as clear as possible while saying as little as possible." Good stuff. And hard, hard stuff for an ADD suffering guy like me to put into practice. But, I'm tryin'.
So, yeah. And stuff. Don't trip, yo'.
Pass the munchies...
Some days the funny funny just, happens.
Today on MPR, they were engaging in a spirited discussion regarding the government placing new restrictions on medical maryjane (simply put: DEA can arrest the growers and users) Wellllllll, they had people from two camps on to discuss- a US atty w/MN ties and a notoriously terrible last name….(Heffle-what? Sounds like a Pooh character) the other person works in the medical field in support of the growth and use of Medical Maryjane. Well, would it have killed them to add a 3rd person? The user?
"Joining us today on MPR are US attorney Tom Doe, Melissa Lunk with an Association that promotes the use of medical marijuana, and lastly self proclaimed frisbee chucking cheeba monkey: ‘Doctor Smithers’?
"Hey, man"
Today on MPR, they were engaging in a spirited discussion regarding the government placing new restrictions on medical maryjane (simply put: DEA can arrest the growers and users) Wellllllll, they had people from two camps on to discuss- a US atty w/MN ties and a notoriously terrible last name….(Heffle-what? Sounds like a Pooh character) the other person works in the medical field in support of the growth and use of Medical Maryjane. Well, would it have killed them to add a 3rd person? The user?
"Joining us today on MPR are US attorney Tom Doe, Melissa Lunk with an Association that promotes the use of medical marijuana, and lastly self proclaimed frisbee chucking cheeba monkey: ‘Doctor Smithers’?
"Hey, man"
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
I got a fever...
And for once, I don’t think that more cowbell is the only prescription.
Show of hands- Who believes in gut instincts? Spider-Sense? "I’ve got a bad feeling about this?" Anyone? Well I sure do, and I’m not just talking about guessing what the next song is gonna be on the radio before they even play it. (Btw, it’s "Hollaback Girl" by Gwen Stefani, in case you were wondering.) So, yeah- part of my getting older has been to trust my instincts a little more.
As a young man, I’d barrel into things with reckless abandon
As I got older, went to college and took up karah-TAY, I grew to learn patience and how to be a better "react-or" in the event of SOMEthing happening. Foresight can beat hindsight. Still, you shouldn’t over-prepare. Good lesson, Good lesson.
As an old man (at least where mileage is concerned) I’ve been able to see situations and before they happen and before you know it POW, I am having an out of body experience. Seeing all, knowing all, understanding how your visible future may be truly affected by my decisions and actions. And everything moves in slow motion.
Okay, if I’ve confused any of you all, let’s just say that it isn’t in my nature to be vague or mysterious- I can’t talk about it, and I can’t talk about why. Oooooooooooo. I’ve just had some weird close calls over the past 2 weeks, and well…let’s just say I’m glad I have a sounding board living with me by the name of "J" to listen to the strangeness which is my life. It’s either 6th sense or Common sense. Or- it could be the Chinese I ate for dinner last night, causing fever dreams. Christ, we have central air and we aren’t using it. Sweaty Sweaty, fevered dreams.
Onto "Picnic" Auditions next Tuesday. I get to read it again tonight if the costume shop is slow. I’m not fucking around, 3 X’s I’ve read the mo-fo. Serious. Deadly-Deadly.
What a fucked up Hunter S Thompson entry this was. And I’m at work.
Show of hands- Who believes in gut instincts? Spider-Sense? "I’ve got a bad feeling about this?" Anyone? Well I sure do, and I’m not just talking about guessing what the next song is gonna be on the radio before they even play it. (Btw, it’s "Hollaback Girl" by Gwen Stefani, in case you were wondering.) So, yeah- part of my getting older has been to trust my instincts a little more.
As a young man, I’d barrel into things with reckless abandon
As I got older, went to college and took up karah-TAY, I grew to learn patience and how to be a better "react-or" in the event of SOMEthing happening. Foresight can beat hindsight. Still, you shouldn’t over-prepare. Good lesson, Good lesson.
As an old man (at least where mileage is concerned) I’ve been able to see situations and before they happen and before you know it POW, I am having an out of body experience. Seeing all, knowing all, understanding how your visible future may be truly affected by my decisions and actions. And everything moves in slow motion.
Okay, if I’ve confused any of you all, let’s just say that it isn’t in my nature to be vague or mysterious- I can’t talk about it, and I can’t talk about why. Oooooooooooo. I’ve just had some weird close calls over the past 2 weeks, and well…let’s just say I’m glad I have a sounding board living with me by the name of "J" to listen to the strangeness which is my life. It’s either 6th sense or Common sense. Or- it could be the Chinese I ate for dinner last night, causing fever dreams. Christ, we have central air and we aren’t using it. Sweaty Sweaty, fevered dreams.
Onto "Picnic" Auditions next Tuesday. I get to read it again tonight if the costume shop is slow. I’m not fucking around, 3 X’s I’ve read the mo-fo. Serious. Deadly-Deadly.
What a fucked up Hunter S Thompson entry this was. And I’m at work.
Monday, June 06, 2005
And 'cause this was on last night.
Wayyyy too long for an audition piece, but still...damn. I need to work on my Walken impression.
This watch I got here was first purchased by your great-grandfather during the first World War. It was bought in a little general store in Knoxville, Tennessee. Made by the first company to ever make wrist watches. Up till then people just carried pocket watches. It was bought by private Doughboy Erine Coolidge on the day he set sail for Paris. It was your great-grandfather's war watch and he wore it everyday he was in that war. When he had done his duty, he went home to your great-grandmother, took the watch off, put it an old coffee can, and in that can it stayed 'til your granddad Dane Coolidge was called upon by his country to go overseas and fight the Germans once again. This time they called it World War II. Your great-grandfather gave this watch to your granddad for good luck. Unfortunately, Dane's luck wasn't as good as his old man's. Dane was a Marine and he was killed - along with the other Marines at the battle of Wake Island. Your granddad was facing death, he knew it. None of those boys had any illusions about ever leavin' that island alive. So three days before the Japanese took the island, your granddad asked a gunner on an Air Force transport name of Winocki, a man he had never met before in his life, to deliver to his infant son, who he'd never seen in the flesh, his gold watch. Three days later, your granddad was dead. But Winocki kept his word. After the war was over, he paid a visit to your grandmother, delivering to your infant father, his Dad's gold watch. This watch.
[holds it up, long pause]
This watch was on your Daddy's wrist when he was shot down over Hanoi. He was captured, put in a Vietnamese prison camp. He knew if the gooks ever saw the watch it'd be confiscated, taken away. The way your Dad looked at it, that watch was your birthright. He'd be damned if any slopes were gonna put their greasy yella hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something. His ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my ass two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you.
This watch I got here was first purchased by your great-grandfather during the first World War. It was bought in a little general store in Knoxville, Tennessee. Made by the first company to ever make wrist watches. Up till then people just carried pocket watches. It was bought by private Doughboy Erine Coolidge on the day he set sail for Paris. It was your great-grandfather's war watch and he wore it everyday he was in that war. When he had done his duty, he went home to your great-grandmother, took the watch off, put it an old coffee can, and in that can it stayed 'til your granddad Dane Coolidge was called upon by his country to go overseas and fight the Germans once again. This time they called it World War II. Your great-grandfather gave this watch to your granddad for good luck. Unfortunately, Dane's luck wasn't as good as his old man's. Dane was a Marine and he was killed - along with the other Marines at the battle of Wake Island. Your granddad was facing death, he knew it. None of those boys had any illusions about ever leavin' that island alive. So three days before the Japanese took the island, your granddad asked a gunner on an Air Force transport name of Winocki, a man he had never met before in his life, to deliver to his infant son, who he'd never seen in the flesh, his gold watch. Three days later, your granddad was dead. But Winocki kept his word. After the war was over, he paid a visit to your grandmother, delivering to your infant father, his Dad's gold watch. This watch.
[holds it up, long pause]
This watch was on your Daddy's wrist when he was shot down over Hanoi. He was captured, put in a Vietnamese prison camp. He knew if the gooks ever saw the watch it'd be confiscated, taken away. The way your Dad looked at it, that watch was your birthright. He'd be damned if any slopes were gonna put their greasy yella hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something. His ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my ass two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you.
Funny audition pieces
(Enough with the depressing crap!)
Since I’ve been on the subject of auditioning…I thought I’d toss out some monologues that I like to spring on J before I go on auditions to freak her out. (Like I’m serious…; )
From Team America: (Think of the 3 kind of people as Dems, ‘Pubs, and the…ah…"Terrah-Eyists")
Guy in Bar: See, there's three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just want to fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes, Chuck. And all the assholes want us to shit all over everything! So, pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes, Chuck. And if they didn't fuck the assholes, you know what you'd get? You'd get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit!
I'm telling you..this film is hysterical. A little grody, buy, hysterical.
Since I’ve been on the subject of auditioning…I thought I’d toss out some monologues that I like to spring on J before I go on auditions to freak her out. (Like I’m serious…; )
From Team America: (Think of the 3 kind of people as Dems, ‘Pubs, and the…ah…"Terrah-Eyists")
Guy in Bar: See, there's three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just want to fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes, Chuck. And all the assholes want us to shit all over everything! So, pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes, Chuck. And if they didn't fuck the assholes, you know what you'd get? You'd get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit!
I'm telling you..this film is hysterical. A little grody, buy, hysterical.
"You don't need a gym M- - - -....This'll build 'Man-Muscles'" Is what my dear old dad said to me several years ago whilst performing some Herculean tast for them. I think it was moving a mound of their decorative river rock from one side of the yard to another. Pile after pile...Wheelbarrow after wheelbarrow. For some reason I started thinking about the play "Bent" and how the Nazi's would torture the prisoners by making them do gawdawful mundane and painful tasks. (Like moving bricks or rocks from one side of the camp to the other...then back again.) Personally, I do this manual labor for ma and pa as a sign of love and respect for all of the support (Ahem, financial as well as professional) but also to keep them from hurting themselves with the heavier tasks.
"Man-Muscles"...sheesh. I reminded myself of all of this as I was outside on Sunday, chipping away at some more tree roots with the 20 lbs Back hoe. (Those little fuckers that grow at the base of your fenceline, take root, and snake their damn way up the fence? There were literally 20-30...all thick with age.) I did not wind up buff to Schwarzeneggarian proportions, rather a knot in my shoulder, a screaming back that craved hot-tubbedness, and clothes that were once again covered with dirt and schmutz. And dirty black boogers. I'll take the "Y" any old day, Daddy-o.
(Ps: I did get a run in 3 out of the 3 days this weekend. IN-cluding the evening after I attended the Twins game. That's right, full of beer, brats, and peanuts I gave it my all for a good 4 miles. Then I puked.)
"Man-Muscles"...sheesh. I reminded myself of all of this as I was outside on Sunday, chipping away at some more tree roots with the 20 lbs Back hoe. (Those little fuckers that grow at the base of your fenceline, take root, and snake their damn way up the fence? There were literally 20-30...all thick with age.) I did not wind up buff to Schwarzeneggarian proportions, rather a knot in my shoulder, a screaming back that craved hot-tubbedness, and clothes that were once again covered with dirt and schmutz. And dirty black boogers. I'll take the "Y" any old day, Daddy-o.
(Ps: I did get a run in 3 out of the 3 days this weekend. IN-cluding the evening after I attended the Twins game. That's right, full of beer, brats, and peanuts I gave it my all for a good 4 miles. Then I puked.)
Thursday, June 02, 2005
I read Portana-dana-dana's blog about her home woes a few weeks ago. She was pretty upset about the repairs, sleeping in the cold, etc...but the issues (like most problems in life) eventually passed. I'm trying to bear all of that in mind this very very second, after I just got informed that the company who installs our countertop is going to require "up to" 4 weeks to install after they get to do their final measuring. That they are going to get to Monday.
-Which means I won't have a completed kitchen until July.
-Which means (officially) I am now going to have gone 7 months without a working kitchen.
-Which means no party
Please excuse me for one moment.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckfuckfuckfuckfuckityfuckingfuckfuckabillydingdong
rassinfuckoramakissing furfuckballgreaseassmotherpisscockshitbiterdicklicking
mofoingfuckbaconshitfuckymisspelledfcuckingsuckalotofhairyfuckingballs
cockrabbitacidbitingbilespewingdicksnifferfargittynaynaygawdammit!!!!!!
So I thought of something completely inconsequential which makes no sense to be funny and make myself smile.
"If the perception of the action seems inappropriate to others...it probably gives me a boner"
(Portion of that was lifted from HR's "sensitivity training" guide. I got yer sensitivity right here, baby)
-Which means I won't have a completed kitchen until July.
-Which means (officially) I am now going to have gone 7 months without a working kitchen.
-Which means no party
Please excuse me for one moment.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckfuckfuckfuckfuckityfuckingfuckfuckabillydingdong
rassinfuckoramakissing furfuckballgreaseassmotherpisscockshitbiterdicklicking
mofoingfuckbaconshitfuckymisspelledfcuckingsuckalotofhairyfuckingballs
cockrabbitacidbitingbilespewingdicksnifferfargittynaynaygawdammit!!!!!!
So I thought of something completely inconsequential which makes no sense to be funny and make myself smile.
"If the perception of the action seems inappropriate to others...it probably gives me a boner"
(Portion of that was lifted from HR's "sensitivity training" guide. I got yer sensitivity right here, baby)
Why the nickname? (More help)
This cracks me up.
The other day my co-work Tim informed me of what is quite possibly the funniest nick-name I've heard in a while. Get this: He calls all of the guys his "ex's" date after him "Johnny Salami's". ("Or I'll call'em 'Chachi's'. You know? Your friends get it when you say to'em : Dude, she dating a total Chachi.") I laughed my ace off. It reminded me of nicknames I had for my ex's and how I've dropped them after a while. ( It just seemed kinda dumb to be lambasting them after the fact. You know, like that great comeback insult that pops into your head in the middle of the night?)
Miz Pibb was all I had. Short form of PB (Or even shorter PBFH) which stood for "Psycho Bitch From Hell". J and I were talking about that the other night, and she laughed her ace off .
This got me thinking- We should start a whole new lexicon for the TC theatre community. Ala' Ocean's 11/12 or "Welcome to Collinwood". Nicknames or code words for things. (I'm all about calling peeps by their last names- Or what J calls a "Jocko Highschool Throwback habit") That'd be cool. So figure me up some code words y'all. We can't have Johnny Salami be the be-all end all.
Here's a few:
Bitchy McBitcherson-(N.) A whiner/complainer. I'm thinking that adding an Irish surname increases the funny factor by about 18-23% (I labeled a performer I saw recently who, I kid you little, mugged non-stop. She became Muggy McMuggerson. Terrible press photo btw)
Dorkus Malorkus- (N.) A dumb ass
Porkchop (s)- (N.) Indicates a group of people. Appropriated from the movie "The Usual Suspects" ("C'MERE my little porkCHOP!!!")
CK (Chatty Kathy)- (N.) Some motherfuckers who just don't know when the fuck to shut up and listen. See: Person writing this blog
Sammiches- (Adj/N) Indicates food, or the propensity to have eaten far too much. Unit measurement of weight ("After that buffet, I feel like I weigh at least 200 sammich)
Lastworditus- (N.-Affliction: See medical journal) Peeps who can't, and I mean CAN'T let a conversation/thread/discussion/phone tag end without having said the final piece. Really dumb ailment, but irritating nevertheless. Like a rash.
Yer Mom- (Adj/Resp) Response to every and any question. I mean everything.
The other day my co-work Tim informed me of what is quite possibly the funniest nick-name I've heard in a while. Get this: He calls all of the guys his "ex's" date after him "Johnny Salami's". ("Or I'll call'em 'Chachi's'. You know? Your friends get it when you say to'em : Dude, she dating a total Chachi.") I laughed my ace off. It reminded me of nicknames I had for my ex's and how I've dropped them after a while. ( It just seemed kinda dumb to be lambasting them after the fact. You know, like that great comeback insult that pops into your head in the middle of the night?)
Miz Pibb was all I had. Short form of PB (Or even shorter PBFH) which stood for "Psycho Bitch From Hell". J and I were talking about that the other night, and she laughed her ace off .
This got me thinking- We should start a whole new lexicon for the TC theatre community. Ala' Ocean's 11/12 or "Welcome to Collinwood". Nicknames or code words for things. (I'm all about calling peeps by their last names- Or what J calls a "Jocko Highschool Throwback habit") That'd be cool. So figure me up some code words y'all. We can't have Johnny Salami be the be-all end all.
Here's a few:
Bitchy McBitcherson-(N.) A whiner/complainer. I'm thinking that adding an Irish surname increases the funny factor by about 18-23% (I labeled a performer I saw recently who, I kid you little, mugged non-stop. She became Muggy McMuggerson. Terrible press photo btw)
Dorkus Malorkus- (N.) A dumb ass
Porkchop (s)- (N.) Indicates a group of people. Appropriated from the movie "The Usual Suspects" ("C'MERE my little porkCHOP!!!")
CK (Chatty Kathy)- (N.) Some motherfuckers who just don't know when the fuck to shut up and listen. See: Person writing this blog
Sammiches- (Adj/N) Indicates food, or the propensity to have eaten far too much. Unit measurement of weight ("After that buffet, I feel like I weigh at least 200 sammich)
Lastworditus- (N.-Affliction: See medical journal) Peeps who can't, and I mean CAN'T let a conversation/thread/discussion/phone tag end without having said the final piece. Really dumb ailment, but irritating nevertheless. Like a rash.
Yer Mom- (Adj/Resp) Response to every and any question. I mean everything.
Did you hear about...
the woman that backed into the plane propeller? Disaster!
So, I'm watching CNN this morning and they're replaying footage of the "mudslide-racked" homes in Laguna Beach, CA. I was just there last September and after remembering how beautiful the city was, I couldn't help feeling sorry for them.
But for the love of cripe, you built your million dollar homes on the side of a muddy hill and it's one of the rainiest Springs in So Cal history. Doi.
Today's funny co-inky-dink- The IMDB movie of the day.
So, I'm watching CNN this morning and they're replaying footage of the "mudslide-racked" homes in Laguna Beach, CA. I was just there last September and after remembering how beautiful the city was, I couldn't help feeling sorry for them.
But for the love of cripe, you built your million dollar homes on the side of a muddy hill and it's one of the rainiest Springs in So Cal history. Doi.
Today's funny co-inky-dink- The IMDB movie of the day.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
So, do you like, rollerblade?
Nope. I get asked that sometimes and I’ll be honest: I’m not a yuge fan of the ‘blades. Why???
1- I played hockey for 10 years. Right up until the point that blades first started to become popular for mainstream use. My 1st time out on them, a pebble in our cul-de-sac wedged in the bearings and I took a spill. At least I didn’t have to deal with debris and sh#t on the rink when we’d play. Ain’t no damn pavement ZAM-boni in the ‘burbs. What I’m sayin’. So to translate- "P on blades= uncoordinated dinglefritz"
2-I have a few friends who use their ownership of ‘blades as a catalyst to "Get In Shape". (And seriously, no offense to you Kaiser cause, you know, you like -use 'em) But I swear I've heard: "Dude, I’m gonna lose so much weight when summer rolls around. Gonna break out my blades ‘n stuff. Nope. Sorry. I don’t buy that for two seconds. Using the 3 paltry months in MN where we actually have agreeable enough weather to blade? Nope. This same individual I’m referring to has actually succeeded in gaining more weight. He likes him some sammiches. I just teased him about it at his garage sale where said blades were in the "$1 box".
4-I like hockey movies a lot. "Mystery, Alaska", "Slapshot", "The Miracle" all own, and kick all sorts of ace. (The Duck movies suck chode. I only like’em for the local color. You know in part 2, the scene where the little porkchops are rollerblading and they go from the Stone Arch Bridge to MOA in 5 seconds. I smell bullroar!)
5-I don’t mind roller-skating, (that glorious archaic-assed art form). Again, clean floors with precious little debris to cause a spill. And wasn't Heather Graham certainly nude in "Boogie Nights"? Do you want to be my mom? Damn, I need to go roller skating again- We should have a skate night at the SLP roller garden. You guys know the oneeee. W/the big ass green dinosaur on top?
6-I sold my hockey equipment, including my $300 skates, in 1996 for beer money. No lie. I've wanted a new pair of hockey skates in the worst way for the past 5 or 6 years.
7-True story: I quit playing hockey my sophomore year of HS to do theatre*. No lie. My parents spent $450 on hockey camp the previous summer. I think it kinda pissed ‘em off, and I’m positive they’ve never forgiven me. Ummmm, which is also why they didn’t get me blades the summer of ’00 for a "Half-Birthday Present".
8-I like running/lifting/jogging/karate-ing more than blading. Is really what I'm saying. And that I'm an uncoordinated dinglefritz.
(* The real truth is, I got mono right before tryouts. Doc said I couldn't be in any impact sports, lest my spleen go kerflooey. I was mega-depressed. So ma sez "You did that little play thing last year, why don't you audition for the high school shows?" I honestly didn't want to, having auditioned for the lousy 3-act the previous fall and didn't getting cast. So THEN ma sez: "Y'know, I think ______'s daughter- the homecoming princess, is doing it. 'Member her sweetie? We had lunch the other day with her parents and you wouldn't stop staring?".
And I didn't play hockey again. Started drinking more though. The end.)
1- I played hockey for 10 years. Right up until the point that blades first started to become popular for mainstream use. My 1st time out on them, a pebble in our cul-de-sac wedged in the bearings and I took a spill. At least I didn’t have to deal with debris and sh#t on the rink when we’d play. Ain’t no damn pavement ZAM-boni in the ‘burbs. What I’m sayin’. So to translate- "P on blades= uncoordinated dinglefritz"
2-I have a few friends who use their ownership of ‘blades as a catalyst to "Get In Shape". (And seriously, no offense to you Kaiser cause, you know, you like -use 'em) But I swear I've heard: "Dude, I’m gonna lose so much weight when summer rolls around. Gonna break out my blades ‘n stuff. Nope. Sorry. I don’t buy that for two seconds. Using the 3 paltry months in MN where we actually have agreeable enough weather to blade? Nope. This same individual I’m referring to has actually succeeded in gaining more weight. He likes him some sammiches. I just teased him about it at his garage sale where said blades were in the "$1 box".
4-I like hockey movies a lot. "Mystery, Alaska", "Slapshot", "The Miracle" all own, and kick all sorts of ace. (The Duck movies suck chode. I only like’em for the local color. You know in part 2, the scene where the little porkchops are rollerblading and they go from the Stone Arch Bridge to MOA in 5 seconds. I smell bullroar!)
5-I don’t mind roller-skating, (that glorious archaic-assed art form). Again, clean floors with precious little debris to cause a spill. And wasn't Heather Graham certainly nude in "Boogie Nights"? Do you want to be my mom? Damn, I need to go roller skating again- We should have a skate night at the SLP roller garden. You guys know the oneeee. W/the big ass green dinosaur on top?
6-I sold my hockey equipment, including my $300 skates, in 1996 for beer money. No lie. I've wanted a new pair of hockey skates in the worst way for the past 5 or 6 years.
7-True story: I quit playing hockey my sophomore year of HS to do theatre*. No lie. My parents spent $450 on hockey camp the previous summer. I think it kinda pissed ‘em off, and I’m positive they’ve never forgiven me. Ummmm, which is also why they didn’t get me blades the summer of ’00 for a "Half-Birthday Present".
8-I like running/lifting/jogging/karate-ing more than blading. Is really what I'm saying. And that I'm an uncoordinated dinglefritz.
(* The real truth is, I got mono right before tryouts. Doc said I couldn't be in any impact sports, lest my spleen go kerflooey. I was mega-depressed. So ma sez "You did that little play thing last year, why don't you audition for the high school shows?" I honestly didn't want to, having auditioned for the lousy 3-act the previous fall and didn't getting cast. So THEN ma sez: "Y'know, I think ______'s daughter- the homecoming princess, is doing it. 'Member her sweetie? We had lunch the other day with her parents and you wouldn't stop staring?".
And I didn't play hockey again. Started drinking more though. The end.)
Nothing quite like it...
There has never been a more power aphrodisiac...
(With the possible exception of the following:
No, there is no more powerful aphrodisiac...than new cabinetry. Granted, we were both pretty wiped out yesterday. And, technically we won't have our countertop for another 2-3 weeks.
But it's in! Thank the maker we chose crown molding.
(With the possible exception of the following:
- A great bod
- Beautiful eyes
- A terrific smile
- Boones Farm Sangria
- roofies
- lying about the size of your package....)
No, there is no more powerful aphrodisiac...than new cabinetry. Granted, we were both pretty wiped out yesterday. And, technically we won't have our countertop for another 2-3 weeks.
But it's in! Thank the maker we chose crown molding.
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