I think...we can do...away...with X-Mas

Let's start today, friends. KOOL 108 aside, I think that there are a lot. A LOT of X-Mas songs that need to have found their way to the Dead Pool. Seriously. And not to knock at secular tunes that have been around for a minute. I mean really. Really. Let's look at songs "created" for the season to fill playlists and make ears bleed starting post-Thanksgiving up to and after December 25th. F#ck. After Hallowe'en, if you're being realistic.

I'll start:

"It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year"- No it isn't. F#ck you. Today? It's cold. Painfully so. And the most wonderful day, for some of us, was the day we drank too much wine and watched TV on November 4th. "There'll be much mistletoe-ing" isn't even a sentence. It's douchey. And stop trying to created a beloved X-Mas song by being so damn commercial.

"Santa Claus is Coming to Town" (More specifically, by Frankie)- I love the guy. I do. He is unabashed in his Bacchanalian debauchery. His buddies. His crooning. But I don't feel like getting crooned to by a guy who is the face of debauch about "Naughty and Nice" when you know sure as f#ck he is on a 11 day bender at the Flamingo with 16 different show girls from the 60's version of "Follies Bergere". Moving on.

"Frosty the Snowman"- We hate snow. Even snow days suck. And even we, we hardy MN'ans get one. We get enough precipitation in October to cause the state of NC to declare a national emergency (true) that we don't need to know about anthropomorphic snow-douches in foppish top hats gaily striding about with their propaganda that global warming doesn't exist. And that's all you are, Mr. Frosty. Propaganda. And the name of a milkshake at Wendy's.

"Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer"- Who. Gives. A. S#it... It's about the fat one, let's be real. If we cared about the workhorses, we should have ALL known the name of the Budweiser Clydesdales by now. Oh, you don't? EPIC FAIL! "You know Stoli, and Patron, and Mount Gay, and Got Blitzed..."

"Simply, Having, A wonderful..."Oh frack I can't finish. - Sir Paul? This Moog synth atrocity brings me so far back to evil that I want to punch the dash board. Boo. Boo, Boo, Boo, Boo. I cry. I thought you'd leave repetitive douchey tunes to George. ("I've got my mind set. On...Douche")

Any. Every. Country version of a X-mas song made. Sorry. They tend to sound alcoholic even if it is about the three Wise men. Same for pop stars doing covers. I hate to say it, but I like the warbly scratchy versions of the standards.

Grrrrrr.

Play more BNL and Sarah. "Bring a Torch". The Hallelujah Chorus. I'm no Scrooge, but crap all. It's my birthday. Easy present. Let's start to dissect the remnants.