That's something off the bullet list, I guess.

This won't be contrary to my stance on not posting political jibba-jabba. It's pretty topical and has my gut in knots over the emotions/thoughts/perceptions of what has transpired since the news broke out late last night. In other words, it's kind of a big deal

I'm tired today. And I know that writing about my "feelings" is something that should probably be relegated to my gernal, or LJ...but I had a ton that I wanted to say about it. (I always do when monumental current world events happen. It's just there's always someone more eloquent who can post a quote, or a poem, or say what invariably gets stuck in my head. It's hard for me.)

I heard the news as I was getting ready for bed last night. My roommate stood outside my door and asked if I would mind turning on CNN to watch the White House response. I donned my robe, mobilized, found the channel (one hiccup of owning that big-ass tv? Finding the channel. I'm still learning that nightmare) And that's what we did. We sat in our jammies and would vascillate between the TV and a flurry of texts (him), or the TV and F'Book (me)...

I mean that's really kind of boring. Right? The biggest bookend story to the greatest planned attack on American soil. In our robes? No champagne. No "woohoo-ing". Nothing. In the last 10 years or so, you've all had that conversation at least a couple of times: "Where were YOU on 9/11?" Right? And people share with a somber respect for the even. And we remember. And it was...I'm sorry- it always will be a horrible event. An event that laid bare our feelings of safety, security, and comfort with this terrible tragedy that penetrated our shores. They made us bleed. And as a nation, we felt it. The anger, fear, insecurity, the pain and heartache. Nations came to our support. Even Quaddafi condemned the act.

And when we launched a war on "terror", we now had a face that was really the target. I knew about the blind cleric. The terror cells in the Middle East and Pakistan. I don't even think I'd have known who this guy was from Mary...but there was his face all over the news. And we were gonna git'em come hell or high water. And, I think collectively, as a nation, we were all fine with that.

So last night, why was I left feeling so...I guess "numb" is the best way to describe my feeling. Numb. Like a soldier after a pyrrhic victory?

I was going to start off today with one of those long-winded Mikey rants about the last 10-15 years in terms of how it culminated in the events of last night...about history and the despair that comes with repeating itself...blah blah blah. How it's so important to know how this affects us but also that if we don't take the measures to remember this as a country, that in the future this "victory" could be a shallow one. That the best we, as a nation, can now hope for is that those who suffered directly and the most can at least find a small amount of closure. And I'll probably touch on that. Sorry. I'm full to burst.

What really has my head spinning is the schizophrenic way that this historical recent world event played out...So let's look at the last 72 hours or so:

-Friday...Rich entitled young white kids having their wedding televised to the world
-Friday...Rich entitled atheletes and owners figuring out who a QB is going to be
-Friday...The final launch and postponement of the space shuttle Endeavour
-Sunday...The death of one of the most sought after evil leaders in the last 50 years.

This is big stuff that just happened. Over the weekend. (Not to mention on a personal note that I ran a race, rehearsed my show, shot a video for a court reporting firm. I digress.) It's just...can you take a second to see how the world and our news shifts gears so quickly and tangentially that it causes my head to hurt?

So I'm watching this last night, listening to the broadcasters kill time before the Prez comes out, seeing the images of the rally outside of the White House, and I started to harbor some pretty weird thoughts on the matter. These are first impression-y kind of things:

-Is this a true statement, Mr. Newscaster? I mean...It's been 10 years and he was nigh on impossible to find. IMpossible. So my first thoughts were: "Are you sure?" and "The public will want to see images or something. These days no one is happy unless they get a gruesome image" and "They sure as shit better be sure". My second thought? So who's gonna get the lottery winnings that was the price on his head? The guy that pulled the trigger? Will they even pay it out?

-The babies. Almost all of the faces they were showing outside of the White House- cheering, smiling, with their makeshift "victory" signs made out of pizza boxes with their clever slogans? They were so, so young. I mean, they had to be college kids. (NPR this a.m. reported that a majority of them were. Meaning they were all little, little kids when this first happened.) And this is what turned me into Grandpa Mikey- These kids are acting like it's a rally or sporting event. Fist pumping. Chest thumping. Cheering that someone is dead like they're in Munchkinland and a pair of stocking feet are rolling back under a Kansas Farmhouse. And...Look, I'm not sad that he's dead. Not one bit. But, for the life of me, I can't imagine cheering on a death. It feels so macabre.

To double back...you know the people who cheer during death penalty executions aren't typically the immediate families? (They just want closure and for the events to be put behind them.) The loud one's tend to be the protestors on both sides of the prison fence. The one side has signs for life and holds candles- the other chants for death and retribution. And here's where I started to feel extraordinarily sad: This war (wars? Engagements? I get confused), has never really seemed to have a definitive "end" in sight. (Mission accomplished indeed) Lookit all the "bad guys" we've arrested or executed or torutured over the last 10 years and tell me that it doesn't feel like just another bump in the road. Are the goals to end these wars wholly dependent on the death of one person because they were the figurehead to us?

It doesn't feel balanced. It doesn't feel like the senseless deaths caused by the tragedy, the countless deaths of the young men and women overseas fighting these wars have been justified by what has happened. Something felt bigger than this.

I also wasn't sure if I felt this was a victory or not because when it comes to terrorist "cells", they'll always have another bastard come by and pick up the mantle. My roommate called it a victory b/c it was the death of a terrorist figurehead. Well okay. But what if, within their infrastructure, while it sucks for them that their appointed leader is dead that the only thing they think of is that they need to scramble to appoint another CEO and keep right on trucking? And we're left waving or flags of victory for a perceived moral victory...While we're still fighting. We're still at war.

- 2 mixed things: I hate the news. Whenever you get a news story of this magnitude invariably it winds up being talking heads repeating sound bites and filling it full of wacky unproven improv until the story is confirmed. (When I first turned on my TV on 9/11 the reporters were saying that there was a possible death toll of 10,000 or greater. Seriously. I still have my little notebook where I tried dictating what I was hearing on the news verbatim until my wrist hurt.)

When 9/11 happened, movies like "Wag the Dog" and the idea of "spun" news stories was perceived as merely fodder for fiction. Terrorist actions...in 1993...1995...various embassy bombings throughout India et.al. Those incidents were reported at what (now) seems like a snails pace through our 2-3 news outlets. In our post-9/11 world we ended up with dozens of news sources with so many different ways of spinning the problems of the world at large- although they all agreed our newest bad guy. And it wound up being a guy, in a turban, with Dumbledore's beard.

We had our new enemy. WE had already forgotten how these were the same "bad guys" in 1990 and 1991. Think about it...after 1990 we lost the big boss baddies when we up and became buddies with Russia. But hot damn, oil and gas are too important and we needed someone to hate. So we got ourselves pissed at Saddam and Quaddafi. And the war was over in a week, with our SCUDs, night vision and all. And even though he became a pop culture doof- (Not one, but two appearances in Proft/Zucker movies) Saddam dropped off the map. We plain ignored him for 10 years. Even Quaddafi didn't seem like the vile overlord we had thought he was. And we ignored him too. Well they'll make for fetching targets again! If we can't find these cave dwelling terrorist then we'll fight people who have guns and WMDs! And lookit this! And we caught one of'em!. He done got found like a mole in the ground! He got hisself a trial and done executed. Hoo Rah for 'Merika! And lookie here at the last few months! Quaddafi is topical again! (I guess we can say the same about Trump, right?) And crazy! And we killed his kids! And we're gonna git'em!

But we got fuzzy face first. And finally. With thoughtful and planned intelligence gathering and a minimal/non-existent loss of life in civilians or our Armed Forces. The timeline, if it isn't a spin and I'm not being too cynical, was about 7-8 months from the initial reports on his location. In. Out. Found. And dead.

And again, all I could think of is that these aren't tunneling terrorist cave rats. These are guys that have someone with a shit ton of money putting up the dough to help keep them hidden. Which means, there's a nameless face out there who shares the "hate-on" America. And they're still writing checks. So you'll please forgive me if I'm still a little concerned. I'm not saying what happened isn't an amazing display of agencies working together for a swift and common goal- I just don't think this counts as our generations VE day.

Which brings us to F'Book and my second (and hopefully final) point- Before we had the capability to compartmentalize our feelings/religion/polictical stances in 140 character or less text bites? We had email/cellphones/telephones. (And mail. But even in 2001 physical letters were considered passe') With the magic of Facebook, I've been able to connect with old neighbors, teachers, high school- hell-elementary school mates. People who I might've seen once every few years at a reunion or something. Where you might get a phone number and promise to call but it falls through or you forget. So with the cliche' being "as you get older you become the people you lived with" (Meaning, your parents... to a certain degree) The friends you played "Army" with as kids and had sleepovers or went tee-peeing or whatever..? They have mortgages and babies and spouses and car payments and roofs that might need new shingles and credit card debt...And that's the famous commonality.

But what FB has got me frassy about (and a little sad) is that...well ...now I know more about these people than I might have if I didn't have a connection with them in the first place. And that isn't entirely a great thing, I fear. It's one thing to wear your faith and political beliefs on your sleeve. But leave it to an event like the death of the leader of that terrorist group to act as an impetus to show the worldthe often times difficult-to-understand "true colors" of these recent nostalgic connections. Some examples I saw on the recent feed:

-"Hope you're enjoying the 10th circle hell without your virgins!"
-"Good f#cking riddance!"
-"Let's make sure we give credit to the 'Real' president who helped capture and kill the scumbag- GW Bush. God Bless!" (Or the other "I didn't vote for him, but glad to know the current administration has done something positive!")

(Look. Just so you don't think I'm picking on these people you should know that I'm friends with artists/actors/performers. They're not off the hook, okay? Some of the jokes...are really, really bad.)

I mean...really? It's hard enough to filter or determine tone online. It's hard enough to disregard the political or sometimes manic religious bent of old acquaintinces if they don't align with your own. Keeping with the theme of full disclosure: I hang with liberal minded folk. I voted for Obama. I have hippie sympathies. However I also have conservative leanings. (Although I stopped feeling "Republican" after I realized that I didn't have to always follow the party of my parents and relatives and when I could start making intellligent and informed choices on my own. And private choices, too.)

I consider myself a proud-American. In spite of one of the most awful economic crises to affect our country- In spite of some of the most virulent and vitriolic forms of fighting within our elected government. In spite of decisions being made that are not just contrary and immoral...they're just plain dumb. (Really? Banning same sex marriage? What business is it of yours who does what behind closed doors. Banning spouses and partners who are lousy in the sack? Let's see what kind of hoopla THAT would stir up!) No, I choose to maintain a stance of optimism, faith, and humor. My patriotism, my dedication to my home country falls in the place of being a supporter of those who are our protectors- a few of whom are my friends. Of being respectful to others in their beliefs and opinions. To never fall into a trap of forgetfullness, or complancency. To believe in a changing and vibrant America.

I have never maintained the belief that peace is a possibility throughout the world. Even in times that I've personally considered peaceful domestically- well let's face it... there are still some unbelieavably rotten people in the world. People who fight. Who can't stand their station in life. So they use guns. They steal. They burn. They hurt. The world is too complex to assume that everyone can fall into a business model of peace/love/understanding. (in other words: 'MERIKA!)However if we remain at peace with our individual selves first. And spread it outward with how we treat each other. Our neighbors. Our loved ones. Our families. The one's that we may not understand but people who deserve our respect, regardless of their background.

In my house- We don't celebrate a death, even a symbolic one. We won't celebrate the death of an enemy. We can (and do) acknowledge their passing in the most respectful way possible- By remembering the actions and atrocities that brought them up to their falling. By remembering that there can and may still be those out their to follow their path. And to remember and give tribute to those who have been lost or suffered pain and loss through the actions and orders of that one person. And to accept that as a rule The only answer is humility, peace, and to ultimately choose life.

‎"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." Martin Luther King Jr. (Thanks, Moda. See? The smarter one's always find a better quote)