Our final story takes place in 2002, when I grew past my childhood embarrassment and had mom accompany me to London. (After embarrassing her on the flight by taking a sleeping aid, having a cocktail, passing out, and being the drooling bane of our flight attendants existince. My finest hour...or 7)
We were pokey on the day we were to head to the bus station for our Stonehenge tour and upon exiting the tube station we made haste. (As much as a woman walking with a cane can make haste. Oh, note to traveler's? You would not beLIEVE the lines we were able to skip due to my travelling with an infirm little old lady w/cane. I should be a frakkin' travel guide. Like, okay...when you get to Disneyworld the FIRST thing you should do is rent a motorized scooter even if you're in the peak of health. Coming up with a backstory will help. And a lightweight blanket to cover your "withered" legs...yeah. Tips. SUCK IT, Rick Steves!)
As we were getting ready to cross the street I managed to look left, then right to check for traffic- a tip I learned from the book "Patriot Games" (Thank you Tom Clancy. Those wacky Brits drive like they're in an MC Escher painting for pities sake! On the WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD no less. Probably hopped up on tea or something) Unfortunately, mom had not read that particular thriller and looked right first before taking a HUGE step out into the street...and riiiiight in front of the double-decker bus that I had just seen barrelling down on her.
I muttered a quick "ohshit!" before grabbing her collar quick like a bun-bun and yerking her back onto the sidewalk. The following quick exchange took place as I nearly passed out from my heart beating so fast.
Mom- "Whoa...did you see that?"
Me- "I DID! I KNOW! I SAW THAT!" (Shouting is a by-product of a nervous condition in yours truly)
Mom- "I was nearly hit!" (She was pretty excited at this point. Which ticked me off more. Which is why I responded thusly)
Moi- "Do you have any IDEA how MUCH it costs to ship a body BACK to the US?"
We love her.
Thanks, mom. For rides to sporting events, taking me to my first play, and for never calling my GI Joes "Dolls". xo
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