Car F#cker...

Whatever floats your boat, dude:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/1127072wong1.html

Winter blooze...

(Courtesy Cracked.com's 9 most Bad-Ass Bible Versus...which again, made me laugh out loud at work.)

Okay, so yesterday I quick like a bunny checked the weather since I noticed the frost gathering on my stairwell window and sure enough- it was FOUR degree's with a TEN BELOW windchill.

Frump.

It just feeeeeels like it's getting (not just) colder than previous Fall/Winter's when I could jog in shorts until mid-December. I chattered a bit on the drive to and from work, angry that my hands were hurting and I would have to forgo a jog before company arrived.

Company was had (Fon-Do night. Who knew? FeeJ, Mags, Moda, D-Baby, 'Lis, CRT, and eventually Lars showed up. I provide the shelter-They provide the booze N' niblets. Deeeeelish.) and when I took out the trash? Yup. Still reeeeeeally nipply.

So this morning, bloated and stuffed from wine and cheese fondue I find my long undies in the dark (Noticing in the bathroom that I looked like a lumpy sausage stuffed into its casing by an amateurish butcher...I mean they were TIGHT! Like, compression panty hose for varicose vein sufferer's...only momentarily realizing that they were a size x-tra small that were grabbed by accident and have found a place crammed at the back of my undiepant drawer for YEARS!)

I threw on my thick-gray zippered cardigan, busted out my 12 year old Columbia jacket worn only on the truly frigid mornings, thick gloves, scarf, and head wrap...loaded up my satchel with soup and prepared myself to truly enjoy the warmth my coffee would bring...stepped outsiiiide...

Huh. It doesn't feeeeeel as cold as yesterday. And sure enough, news and weather announces that it's almost 30 degrees out with practically no wind. Practically balmy.

And so, I drove to work with the heat off. Sweating. With the window cracked. So now I'm an over dressed sausage sitting at my desk.

Wart. The. Fork.

The Mist

I don't even wanna spoil it. Moda and I caught a matinee (Hey, ADHD here: WTF was their a fricking propaganda music video for the National Guard? And it was a long video. Loooong. Which glamorized the Guard to the point of making them seem like the A-Team on a cocktail of Steroids and Red Bull.)

The matinee, was the recent release of the King novella "The Mist".

And it still has been sitting with me, 3 days later.

Oof. You know how the horror movies lately have been pretty much slasher p0rn? Or torturey gore-fests aimed to shock the viewer and give KNB more F/X work? And every so often a flick will sparkle out of the rest like a diamond in the mud. It'll scare your brain. It'll make you jump. And will usually defy any jaded expectations-

"The Mist", did just that. And not because of the horrible (and oh yes, they are pretty nasty) beasties. It was horrible to watch the division which occured in such a claustrophobic place. It was how you think "Oh my...they're in some pretty deep s#it, but they'll get out of it b/c that's what people in these movies do. They're trapped in a grocery store, after all. Plenty of vittles to go round." And then you get your first glimpse of what they're dealing with. And you're thinking "Oh f#ck. Just shut the door and get away" And you think. Well, there's that.

But then the claustrophobia sets in. And then night falls on the first day. And you think "Well, it's still misty. Guess there'll be some more beasties. Awwwww, they're kinda cute"

And then they get in.

And then some very practical and real issues come up. And some awful decisions. And strained promises to people who are counting on the protaganist to be the person who makes everything right.

And then the division of the people. And my favorite quote of the whole film "People are fundamentally insane". When the power goes out and you're attacked by unnatural creatures, it's pretty easy to use "Old Testament God's wrath" as your explanation. And those people? Were, for me, the scariest motherlovin' part of the entire film. "Those" people. Because when you're trapped with out any chance of possible salvation? The last people you want to be with are spitting gibbering people throwing a bible in your face.

And they made the most unlikely person an action hero.

Lastly? The. End. THAT'S what sealed the deal when I wondered what was going to make this one of the best flicks in 2007 that I had seen. It hit...like a sucker punch. And it did two things for me:

1- Amazed me that the studio would allow that kind of ending in a movie and...
2- Made me respect the b@lls on the director for scripting an ending like that in the first place.

Holy. Moses.

So check it out if you can. It has the pre-requisite jumps and "OH GOD'S!" and some blood. But be warned, this is a terrifying film with a very, VERY intense undercurrent for the 2 hours you're watching it.

Wow...

So in the last 24 hours, I have done the following:

Raked and cleared the front yard of rubbish, causing my neck/shoulders/arms/back to be frassy today. Soreness pie.

Had a s#itty-and I mean S#ITTY audition at TeRP. I don't wanna even talk about it.

Came home, and whilst hustling upstairs stubbed-nay-probably broke my right big toe.

Went to do business/get some water early this a.m. and again, smacked the top of my left foot- bruising tendons. I can barely put weight on it.

As a result of said injury (at 3:30 am) I didn't fall back asleep. Well, the purring kitteh who went from wrapping his body around my head and turning into a motor boat...then went down to the end of the bed and hogged my side didn't help much.

Went to go smooch Dorajar awake and hit my knee on the corner of the Chinese carved trunk at the foot of my bed.

If and when you see me, please don't ask why I am wearing protective equipment. I'm a hazard to my self.

Weird...cute, but weird...

What I thoooought I overheard my co-worker say was "Scuttle Butt Muffin Tops"...

But she was really referring to this:
http://www.cuddlebugbaby.com/html/muffinhats.html

"Cuddle Bug Muffin Hats". We're having this informal competition, see? We post as our desktop wallpaper pictures of our respective nephew (moi) and her grandkids (Of which, there are triplets) I was currently leading the way with him hulking out at the pumpkin patch and have continued to lead the way with "Pirate Baby" in his crib ("Yar...don't be tryin' ta take me binky...yar...") But now, b/c the triplets don't have hair, she's resorted to cheating by ordering cuteness pie hats off the web.


I will not be defeated.

"The Fountain": A review (SPOILERS)

So after a weekend of car trouble (Friday) Seeing Thuglet and the rest of the Choppers of Pork at a Porkchop Saloon Reunion, then seeing "Voltron in Show Business" (Which you should all. Go. See. It's not every day you see your girlfriend make out with a hot blonde on stage. Sitting next to her father) I capped off the weekend at Redwrights- Drinking, eating, soaking, and watching the Vikes retire whatever scrap of feces they call dignity at Lambeau. (And I'm sorry. You're already decimating our team. Let's not cheap-shot clip our one rookie franchise player and incapacitate him for the remainder of the season. True, it's hyperbole...but let's watch the knee's...shall we? AND KICK AN EFFING FIELD GOAL!!! Get SOME points on the board. D#uche's. Get someone who can call plays. Here, wait...let me call the Mpls Park and Rec department. Their little leauger's would probably provide a more entertaining game.)

Ahem

So after some pigskin action, I figured taking in a cerebral sci/fi flick'd be a hot ticket. It was early, I was kinda tired, and the premise seemed interesting.

"The Fountain": (Short review)
Wolverine commits acts of arborphilia in outer space.

I'm not s#itting you, at one point he almost full out makes out with a tree. WTF? If you're going to make a beautifully shot (And it was beautiful, make no mistake) sci-fi film about time travel, the tree of life, and a smoking hot Rachel Weisz...at least let it make sense. This was chock full of phallic imagery -"Oh look, Mr. Injured Conquistador FINDS the tree of life and pierces it with his (d#ck) knife while the tree ejaculates a strangely thick white gooey substance which cures his wound and turns him into Swamp Thing by Bachman's."

And future Huge Ackman makes out with (read: Eats the bark...heh. He's not even supposed to be crazy...I thought only Margot Kidder or Anne Heche did that?) a tree, does Tai Chi, and talks to himself in the lotus position. Basically it takes the last 20 minutes of 2001 and shakes it like a snow globe before throwing it at you, rendering you unconscious.

Did I mention Huge plants a tree seed in his beloveds grave? Just by scooping up the earth. The frozen, ice packed earth?

Now, I feel bad b/c they have a featurette showing how this movie was in development hell for years. Once even going so far as to showing the meeting the producers held telling the production staff that as of that moment...they were out of a job. And that just seemed like an SNL skit gone wrong. ("We're secretly letting you in on the meeting where we do a MASSIVE layoff! Next on "Some Random Ford Plant's Funniest Home Video's!" )

I tried to stick it out. Really I did. But I actually felt dumber when it was done, and actually thought that I'd rather watch "Requiem" again (The movie dubbed "The greatest, most beautiful, disturbing film I have ever seen...and never want to view again.")

Avoid it. Please. I took one for the team watching this. You owe me. Money.

Yeah Yeah...

I'm lame. Shup. Nothing too excitable has happened. Show's over. Houses were admirable. Bowling in Ninja garb was done. (Pictures/Film...Chowie. I can has?) I had a lil' soiree' Saturday night (And by little, after the first hour when folks hadda split for their respective gigs it was Chowie and I bs'ing in the back yard and frassin' on the rope swings. Booze and parties tend to bring that out in people)

H'ween was passed rather unremarkably (What happened to me? I stayed in wearing a Monksrobe handing out treats and watched "The Shining" Mad props to the kids wearing ninja garb, and the 14 year old girl who said "I'm Amy Winehouse". Extra candy to them)

I was 1/3 of the way through completing my porch when I ran out of pergo, only to discover nobody and I mean NObody carries the same brand any more unless it's the expensive assed kind from the website. Frack.

FeeJ is hooking me up with a warshing machine. Pip Woot hollah. Any strong back with a truck would be appreciated. I imagine she needs it gone toute suite and I'm tired of having to go to the laundromat. Anyone know a good way of getting an old heavy assed model up a flight of rickety stairs? I worry.

Redwright and his Fredliness celebrated their 25th anniversary last night on Guy Fawkes day. It was lovely. Ma und Pa were my date. Karaoke was had. Cocktail weenies and meatballs were consumed. As was copious amounts of liquor. Pretty people were ogled and groped. There were no less than 5 SSGF's in attendence. I was happy as a mongoose. Congratulations you two. Many happy years to come.

Lastly, is it so weird that I should pine for this? (Simply for nostalgia's sake):
http://www.amazon.com/Sesame-Street-Vol-School-1974-1979/dp/B000UNYJTK?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1188162599&sr=1-2

I mean...s#it. This is precisely smack dab during the time when I'd have been figuring out that "C" truly is for "Cookie". I mean, you can't f#ck with that logic...can you? (And for the record, my NSHO? It's cookie. NOT carrot. PC f#cko's. Let kids be kids, kay?) And that some episodes were actually-wait for it- BROUGHT to you by the letter P or the number 2. Many of my reader's may aspire to bring episodes to the masses, but nobody and I mean nobody can do it like those letter's and numbers. Chumps. (And btw...I don't want this. Mom, I know you're reading this but I really do not want.)

Lastly, I was racked again with insomnia the other night. The 45 minutes I did sleep were filled with dreams of graboids, fire ants, saving kids, parties with green lights, and scavenger hunts.


Dorajar's show opens this weekend. Go see "Voltron in Show Business" if you wanna see my SO engage in hot girl/girl lovin'...IJS.