And for once, I don’t think that more cowbell is the only prescription.
Show of hands- Who believes in gut instincts? Spider-Sense? "I’ve got a bad feeling about this?" Anyone? Well I sure do, and I’m not just talking about guessing what the next song is gonna be on the radio before they even play it. (Btw, it’s "Hollaback Girl" by Gwen Stefani, in case you were wondering.) So, yeah- part of my getting older has been to trust my instincts a little more.
As a young man, I’d barrel into things with reckless abandon
As I got older, went to college and took up karah-TAY, I grew to learn patience and how to be a better "react-or" in the event of SOMEthing happening. Foresight can beat hindsight. Still, you shouldn’t over-prepare. Good lesson, Good lesson.
As an old man (at least where mileage is concerned) I’ve been able to see situations and before they happen and before you know it POW, I am having an out of body experience. Seeing all, knowing all, understanding how your visible future may be truly affected by my decisions and actions. And everything moves in slow motion.
Okay, if I’ve confused any of you all, let’s just say that it isn’t in my nature to be vague or mysterious- I can’t talk about it, and I can’t talk about why. Oooooooooooo. I’ve just had some weird close calls over the past 2 weeks, and well…let’s just say I’m glad I have a sounding board living with me by the name of "J" to listen to the strangeness which is my life. It’s either 6th sense or Common sense. Or- it could be the Chinese I ate for dinner last night, causing fever dreams. Christ, we have central air and we aren’t using it. Sweaty Sweaty, fevered dreams.
Onto "Picnic" Auditions next Tuesday. I get to read it again tonight if the costume shop is slow. I’m not fucking around, 3 X’s I’ve read the mo-fo. Serious. Deadly-Deadly.
What a fucked up Hunter S Thompson entry this was. And I’m at work.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Monday, June 06, 2005
And 'cause this was on last night.
Wayyyy too long for an audition piece, but still...damn. I need to work on my Walken impression.
This watch I got here was first purchased by your great-grandfather during the first World War. It was bought in a little general store in Knoxville, Tennessee. Made by the first company to ever make wrist watches. Up till then people just carried pocket watches. It was bought by private Doughboy Erine Coolidge on the day he set sail for Paris. It was your great-grandfather's war watch and he wore it everyday he was in that war. When he had done his duty, he went home to your great-grandmother, took the watch off, put it an old coffee can, and in that can it stayed 'til your granddad Dane Coolidge was called upon by his country to go overseas and fight the Germans once again. This time they called it World War II. Your great-grandfather gave this watch to your granddad for good luck. Unfortunately, Dane's luck wasn't as good as his old man's. Dane was a Marine and he was killed - along with the other Marines at the battle of Wake Island. Your granddad was facing death, he knew it. None of those boys had any illusions about ever leavin' that island alive. So three days before the Japanese took the island, your granddad asked a gunner on an Air Force transport name of Winocki, a man he had never met before in his life, to deliver to his infant son, who he'd never seen in the flesh, his gold watch. Three days later, your granddad was dead. But Winocki kept his word. After the war was over, he paid a visit to your grandmother, delivering to your infant father, his Dad's gold watch. This watch.
[holds it up, long pause]
This watch was on your Daddy's wrist when he was shot down over Hanoi. He was captured, put in a Vietnamese prison camp. He knew if the gooks ever saw the watch it'd be confiscated, taken away. The way your Dad looked at it, that watch was your birthright. He'd be damned if any slopes were gonna put their greasy yella hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something. His ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my ass two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you.
This watch I got here was first purchased by your great-grandfather during the first World War. It was bought in a little general store in Knoxville, Tennessee. Made by the first company to ever make wrist watches. Up till then people just carried pocket watches. It was bought by private Doughboy Erine Coolidge on the day he set sail for Paris. It was your great-grandfather's war watch and he wore it everyday he was in that war. When he had done his duty, he went home to your great-grandmother, took the watch off, put it an old coffee can, and in that can it stayed 'til your granddad Dane Coolidge was called upon by his country to go overseas and fight the Germans once again. This time they called it World War II. Your great-grandfather gave this watch to your granddad for good luck. Unfortunately, Dane's luck wasn't as good as his old man's. Dane was a Marine and he was killed - along with the other Marines at the battle of Wake Island. Your granddad was facing death, he knew it. None of those boys had any illusions about ever leavin' that island alive. So three days before the Japanese took the island, your granddad asked a gunner on an Air Force transport name of Winocki, a man he had never met before in his life, to deliver to his infant son, who he'd never seen in the flesh, his gold watch. Three days later, your granddad was dead. But Winocki kept his word. After the war was over, he paid a visit to your grandmother, delivering to your infant father, his Dad's gold watch. This watch.
[holds it up, long pause]
This watch was on your Daddy's wrist when he was shot down over Hanoi. He was captured, put in a Vietnamese prison camp. He knew if the gooks ever saw the watch it'd be confiscated, taken away. The way your Dad looked at it, that watch was your birthright. He'd be damned if any slopes were gonna put their greasy yella hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something. His ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my ass two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you.
Funny audition pieces
(Enough with the depressing crap!)
Since I’ve been on the subject of auditioning…I thought I’d toss out some monologues that I like to spring on J before I go on auditions to freak her out. (Like I’m serious…; )
From Team America: (Think of the 3 kind of people as Dems, ‘Pubs, and the…ah…"Terrah-Eyists")
Guy in Bar: See, there's three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just want to fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes, Chuck. And all the assholes want us to shit all over everything! So, pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes, Chuck. And if they didn't fuck the assholes, you know what you'd get? You'd get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit!
I'm telling you..this film is hysterical. A little grody, buy, hysterical.
Since I’ve been on the subject of auditioning…I thought I’d toss out some monologues that I like to spring on J before I go on auditions to freak her out. (Like I’m serious…; )
From Team America: (Think of the 3 kind of people as Dems, ‘Pubs, and the…ah…"Terrah-Eyists")
Guy in Bar: See, there's three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just want to fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes, Chuck. And all the assholes want us to shit all over everything! So, pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes, Chuck. And if they didn't fuck the assholes, you know what you'd get? You'd get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit!
I'm telling you..this film is hysterical. A little grody, buy, hysterical.
"You don't need a gym M- - - -....This'll build 'Man-Muscles'" Is what my dear old dad said to me several years ago whilst performing some Herculean tast for them. I think it was moving a mound of their decorative river rock from one side of the yard to another. Pile after pile...Wheelbarrow after wheelbarrow. For some reason I started thinking about the play "Bent" and how the Nazi's would torture the prisoners by making them do gawdawful mundane and painful tasks. (Like moving bricks or rocks from one side of the camp to the other...then back again.) Personally, I do this manual labor for ma and pa as a sign of love and respect for all of the support (Ahem, financial as well as professional) but also to keep them from hurting themselves with the heavier tasks.
"Man-Muscles"...sheesh. I reminded myself of all of this as I was outside on Sunday, chipping away at some more tree roots with the 20 lbs Back hoe. (Those little fuckers that grow at the base of your fenceline, take root, and snake their damn way up the fence? There were literally 20-30...all thick with age.) I did not wind up buff to Schwarzeneggarian proportions, rather a knot in my shoulder, a screaming back that craved hot-tubbedness, and clothes that were once again covered with dirt and schmutz. And dirty black boogers. I'll take the "Y" any old day, Daddy-o.
(Ps: I did get a run in 3 out of the 3 days this weekend. IN-cluding the evening after I attended the Twins game. That's right, full of beer, brats, and peanuts I gave it my all for a good 4 miles. Then I puked.)
"Man-Muscles"...sheesh. I reminded myself of all of this as I was outside on Sunday, chipping away at some more tree roots with the 20 lbs Back hoe. (Those little fuckers that grow at the base of your fenceline, take root, and snake their damn way up the fence? There were literally 20-30...all thick with age.) I did not wind up buff to Schwarzeneggarian proportions, rather a knot in my shoulder, a screaming back that craved hot-tubbedness, and clothes that were once again covered with dirt and schmutz. And dirty black boogers. I'll take the "Y" any old day, Daddy-o.
(Ps: I did get a run in 3 out of the 3 days this weekend. IN-cluding the evening after I attended the Twins game. That's right, full of beer, brats, and peanuts I gave it my all for a good 4 miles. Then I puked.)
Thursday, June 02, 2005
I read Portana-dana-dana's blog about her home woes a few weeks ago. She was pretty upset about the repairs, sleeping in the cold, etc...but the issues (like most problems in life) eventually passed. I'm trying to bear all of that in mind this very very second, after I just got informed that the company who installs our countertop is going to require "up to" 4 weeks to install after they get to do their final measuring. That they are going to get to Monday.
-Which means I won't have a completed kitchen until July.
-Which means (officially) I am now going to have gone 7 months without a working kitchen.
-Which means no party
Please excuse me for one moment.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckfuckfuckfuckfuckityfuckingfuckfuckabillydingdong
rassinfuckoramakissing furfuckballgreaseassmotherpisscockshitbiterdicklicking
mofoingfuckbaconshitfuckymisspelledfcuckingsuckalotofhairyfuckingballs
cockrabbitacidbitingbilespewingdicksnifferfargittynaynaygawdammit!!!!!!
So I thought of something completely inconsequential which makes no sense to be funny and make myself smile.
"If the perception of the action seems inappropriate to others...it probably gives me a boner"
(Portion of that was lifted from HR's "sensitivity training" guide. I got yer sensitivity right here, baby)
-Which means I won't have a completed kitchen until July.
-Which means (officially) I am now going to have gone 7 months without a working kitchen.
-Which means no party
Please excuse me for one moment.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckfuckfuckfuckfuckityfuckingfuckfuckabillydingdong
rassinfuckoramakissing furfuckballgreaseassmotherpisscockshitbiterdicklicking
mofoingfuckbaconshitfuckymisspelledfcuckingsuckalotofhairyfuckingballs
cockrabbitacidbitingbilespewingdicksnifferfargittynaynaygawdammit!!!!!!
So I thought of something completely inconsequential which makes no sense to be funny and make myself smile.
"If the perception of the action seems inappropriate to others...it probably gives me a boner"
(Portion of that was lifted from HR's "sensitivity training" guide. I got yer sensitivity right here, baby)
Why the nickname? (More help)
This cracks me up.
The other day my co-work Tim informed me of what is quite possibly the funniest nick-name I've heard in a while. Get this: He calls all of the guys his "ex's" date after him "Johnny Salami's". ("Or I'll call'em 'Chachi's'. You know? Your friends get it when you say to'em : Dude, she dating a total Chachi.") I laughed my ace off. It reminded me of nicknames I had for my ex's and how I've dropped them after a while. ( It just seemed kinda dumb to be lambasting them after the fact. You know, like that great comeback insult that pops into your head in the middle of the night?)
Miz Pibb was all I had. Short form of PB (Or even shorter PBFH) which stood for "Psycho Bitch From Hell". J and I were talking about that the other night, and she laughed her ace off .
This got me thinking- We should start a whole new lexicon for the TC theatre community. Ala' Ocean's 11/12 or "Welcome to Collinwood". Nicknames or code words for things. (I'm all about calling peeps by their last names- Or what J calls a "Jocko Highschool Throwback habit") That'd be cool. So figure me up some code words y'all. We can't have Johnny Salami be the be-all end all.
Here's a few:
Bitchy McBitcherson-(N.) A whiner/complainer. I'm thinking that adding an Irish surname increases the funny factor by about 18-23% (I labeled a performer I saw recently who, I kid you little, mugged non-stop. She became Muggy McMuggerson. Terrible press photo btw)
Dorkus Malorkus- (N.) A dumb ass
Porkchop (s)- (N.) Indicates a group of people. Appropriated from the movie "The Usual Suspects" ("C'MERE my little porkCHOP!!!")
CK (Chatty Kathy)- (N.) Some motherfuckers who just don't know when the fuck to shut up and listen. See: Person writing this blog
Sammiches- (Adj/N) Indicates food, or the propensity to have eaten far too much. Unit measurement of weight ("After that buffet, I feel like I weigh at least 200 sammich)
Lastworditus- (N.-Affliction: See medical journal) Peeps who can't, and I mean CAN'T let a conversation/thread/discussion/phone tag end without having said the final piece. Really dumb ailment, but irritating nevertheless. Like a rash.
Yer Mom- (Adj/Resp) Response to every and any question. I mean everything.
The other day my co-work Tim informed me of what is quite possibly the funniest nick-name I've heard in a while. Get this: He calls all of the guys his "ex's" date after him "Johnny Salami's". ("Or I'll call'em 'Chachi's'. You know? Your friends get it when you say to'em : Dude, she dating a total Chachi.") I laughed my ace off. It reminded me of nicknames I had for my ex's and how I've dropped them after a while. ( It just seemed kinda dumb to be lambasting them after the fact. You know, like that great comeback insult that pops into your head in the middle of the night?)
Miz Pibb was all I had. Short form of PB (Or even shorter PBFH) which stood for "Psycho Bitch From Hell". J and I were talking about that the other night, and she laughed her ace off .
This got me thinking- We should start a whole new lexicon for the TC theatre community. Ala' Ocean's 11/12 or "Welcome to Collinwood". Nicknames or code words for things. (I'm all about calling peeps by their last names- Or what J calls a "Jocko Highschool Throwback habit") That'd be cool. So figure me up some code words y'all. We can't have Johnny Salami be the be-all end all.
Here's a few:
Bitchy McBitcherson-(N.) A whiner/complainer. I'm thinking that adding an Irish surname increases the funny factor by about 18-23% (I labeled a performer I saw recently who, I kid you little, mugged non-stop. She became Muggy McMuggerson. Terrible press photo btw)
Dorkus Malorkus- (N.) A dumb ass
Porkchop (s)- (N.) Indicates a group of people. Appropriated from the movie "The Usual Suspects" ("C'MERE my little porkCHOP!!!")
CK (Chatty Kathy)- (N.) Some motherfuckers who just don't know when the fuck to shut up and listen. See: Person writing this blog
Sammiches- (Adj/N) Indicates food, or the propensity to have eaten far too much. Unit measurement of weight ("After that buffet, I feel like I weigh at least 200 sammich)
Lastworditus- (N.-Affliction: See medical journal) Peeps who can't, and I mean CAN'T let a conversation/thread/discussion/phone tag end without having said the final piece. Really dumb ailment, but irritating nevertheless. Like a rash.
Yer Mom- (Adj/Resp) Response to every and any question. I mean everything.
Did you hear about...
the woman that backed into the plane propeller? Disaster!
So, I'm watching CNN this morning and they're replaying footage of the "mudslide-racked" homes in Laguna Beach, CA. I was just there last September and after remembering how beautiful the city was, I couldn't help feeling sorry for them.
But for the love of cripe, you built your million dollar homes on the side of a muddy hill and it's one of the rainiest Springs in So Cal history. Doi.
Today's funny co-inky-dink- The IMDB movie of the day.
So, I'm watching CNN this morning and they're replaying footage of the "mudslide-racked" homes in Laguna Beach, CA. I was just there last September and after remembering how beautiful the city was, I couldn't help feeling sorry for them.
But for the love of cripe, you built your million dollar homes on the side of a muddy hill and it's one of the rainiest Springs in So Cal history. Doi.
Today's funny co-inky-dink- The IMDB movie of the day.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
So, do you like, rollerblade?
Nope. I get asked that sometimes and I’ll be honest: I’m not a yuge fan of the ‘blades. Why???
1- I played hockey for 10 years. Right up until the point that blades first started to become popular for mainstream use. My 1st time out on them, a pebble in our cul-de-sac wedged in the bearings and I took a spill. At least I didn’t have to deal with debris and sh#t on the rink when we’d play. Ain’t no damn pavement ZAM-boni in the ‘burbs. What I’m sayin’. So to translate- "P on blades= uncoordinated dinglefritz"
2-I have a few friends who use their ownership of ‘blades as a catalyst to "Get In Shape". (And seriously, no offense to you Kaiser cause, you know, you like -use 'em) But I swear I've heard: "Dude, I’m gonna lose so much weight when summer rolls around. Gonna break out my blades ‘n stuff. Nope. Sorry. I don’t buy that for two seconds. Using the 3 paltry months in MN where we actually have agreeable enough weather to blade? Nope. This same individual I’m referring to has actually succeeded in gaining more weight. He likes him some sammiches. I just teased him about it at his garage sale where said blades were in the "$1 box".
4-I like hockey movies a lot. "Mystery, Alaska", "Slapshot", "The Miracle" all own, and kick all sorts of ace. (The Duck movies suck chode. I only like’em for the local color. You know in part 2, the scene where the little porkchops are rollerblading and they go from the Stone Arch Bridge to MOA in 5 seconds. I smell bullroar!)
5-I don’t mind roller-skating, (that glorious archaic-assed art form). Again, clean floors with precious little debris to cause a spill. And wasn't Heather Graham certainly nude in "Boogie Nights"? Do you want to be my mom? Damn, I need to go roller skating again- We should have a skate night at the SLP roller garden. You guys know the oneeee. W/the big ass green dinosaur on top?
6-I sold my hockey equipment, including my $300 skates, in 1996 for beer money. No lie. I've wanted a new pair of hockey skates in the worst way for the past 5 or 6 years.
7-True story: I quit playing hockey my sophomore year of HS to do theatre*. No lie. My parents spent $450 on hockey camp the previous summer. I think it kinda pissed ‘em off, and I’m positive they’ve never forgiven me. Ummmm, which is also why they didn’t get me blades the summer of ’00 for a "Half-Birthday Present".
8-I like running/lifting/jogging/karate-ing more than blading. Is really what I'm saying. And that I'm an uncoordinated dinglefritz.
(* The real truth is, I got mono right before tryouts. Doc said I couldn't be in any impact sports, lest my spleen go kerflooey. I was mega-depressed. So ma sez "You did that little play thing last year, why don't you audition for the high school shows?" I honestly didn't want to, having auditioned for the lousy 3-act the previous fall and didn't getting cast. So THEN ma sez: "Y'know, I think ______'s daughter- the homecoming princess, is doing it. 'Member her sweetie? We had lunch the other day with her parents and you wouldn't stop staring?".
And I didn't play hockey again. Started drinking more though. The end.)
1- I played hockey for 10 years. Right up until the point that blades first started to become popular for mainstream use. My 1st time out on them, a pebble in our cul-de-sac wedged in the bearings and I took a spill. At least I didn’t have to deal with debris and sh#t on the rink when we’d play. Ain’t no damn pavement ZAM-boni in the ‘burbs. What I’m sayin’. So to translate- "P on blades= uncoordinated dinglefritz"
2-I have a few friends who use their ownership of ‘blades as a catalyst to "Get In Shape". (And seriously, no offense to you Kaiser cause, you know, you like -use 'em) But I swear I've heard: "Dude, I’m gonna lose so much weight when summer rolls around. Gonna break out my blades ‘n stuff. Nope. Sorry. I don’t buy that for two seconds. Using the 3 paltry months in MN where we actually have agreeable enough weather to blade? Nope. This same individual I’m referring to has actually succeeded in gaining more weight. He likes him some sammiches. I just teased him about it at his garage sale where said blades were in the "$1 box".
4-I like hockey movies a lot. "Mystery, Alaska", "Slapshot", "The Miracle" all own, and kick all sorts of ace. (The Duck movies suck chode. I only like’em for the local color. You know in part 2, the scene where the little porkchops are rollerblading and they go from the Stone Arch Bridge to MOA in 5 seconds. I smell bullroar!)
5-I don’t mind roller-skating, (that glorious archaic-assed art form). Again, clean floors with precious little debris to cause a spill. And wasn't Heather Graham certainly nude in "Boogie Nights"? Do you want to be my mom? Damn, I need to go roller skating again- We should have a skate night at the SLP roller garden. You guys know the oneeee. W/the big ass green dinosaur on top?
6-I sold my hockey equipment, including my $300 skates, in 1996 for beer money. No lie. I've wanted a new pair of hockey skates in the worst way for the past 5 or 6 years.
7-True story: I quit playing hockey my sophomore year of HS to do theatre*. No lie. My parents spent $450 on hockey camp the previous summer. I think it kinda pissed ‘em off, and I’m positive they’ve never forgiven me. Ummmm, which is also why they didn’t get me blades the summer of ’00 for a "Half-Birthday Present".
8-I like running/lifting/jogging/karate-ing more than blading. Is really what I'm saying. And that I'm an uncoordinated dinglefritz.
(* The real truth is, I got mono right before tryouts. Doc said I couldn't be in any impact sports, lest my spleen go kerflooey. I was mega-depressed. So ma sez "You did that little play thing last year, why don't you audition for the high school shows?" I honestly didn't want to, having auditioned for the lousy 3-act the previous fall and didn't getting cast. So THEN ma sez: "Y'know, I think ______'s daughter- the homecoming princess, is doing it. 'Member her sweetie? We had lunch the other day with her parents and you wouldn't stop staring?".
And I didn't play hockey again. Started drinking more though. The end.)
Nothing quite like it...
There has never been a more power aphrodisiac...
(With the possible exception of the following:
No, there is no more powerful aphrodisiac...than new cabinetry. Granted, we were both pretty wiped out yesterday. And, technically we won't have our countertop for another 2-3 weeks.
But it's in! Thank the maker we chose crown molding.
(With the possible exception of the following:
- A great bod
- Beautiful eyes
- A terrific smile
- Boones Farm Sangria
- roofies
- lying about the size of your package....)
No, there is no more powerful aphrodisiac...than new cabinetry. Granted, we were both pretty wiped out yesterday. And, technically we won't have our countertop for another 2-3 weeks.
But it's in! Thank the maker we chose crown molding.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Not too Shabby...
Not too shabby
Is ¼ Cabby. That’s right folks, I arrived home this Friday evening after a booooooring night at job #2 to ¼ of the cabinets completed. (Seriously, one dude working by himself for 10 hours? Get yourself a helper, man! Sheesh!) Apparently installing the corner unit (unit, Smile) is the toughest part and the rest is “Duck Soup”. Oh well. Perhaps yea job will be verily complete tonight?
So, I attended a goo-bye soiree’ for a friend going out to NYC and can I just say LUCKY! Seriously, some peeps have fortune smile at them and damn…for what she’s getting for a 2 BR in the city? Well, Damn. Anyway, I think (all things considered) I was on my best behaviour that evening, and was even joined by my loverly fiancée’. Geef and I are officially married (Sorry Weef) as I have bestowed him with the “one ring” for his upcoming Flying G supershow. Brother, I so hope it can make it onstage. Kaiser said he was wearing an ensemble that was similar to tastes that I have. Huh. I’m a fashion plate and didn’t even know it. I had a funny in here about “Mini-P” but (A) it sounds dirty and (B) Dude is taller than me. No way.
Did I mention that the bar had all sorts of hot-ass-folks in there? Seriously, out of towners should check out the fine ass boys and girls in our theatre scene. I’m just sayin’.
Saturday I saw an awesome Rick III. RPK said it best “Sally and GG are FIERCE”. Oh yeah. That pretty much sums it up. Just, bad ass acting all around. (There was one gal in the cast that just physically reminded me a smidge of “Cheri Oteri”. Funny.) I’m batting a .1000 right now, (seeing good shows over the past 4 weeks) With “Desire” coming up next weekend, I’m hoping for a pentaveret of good theatre.
I did scoot out of the theatre in haste because (get this) I had to regress to high school. That’s right kids, Mom and Dad was outta town so me and the girl snuck over to use the Hot Tub. And it felt awesome, all around. (“No it’s cool baby, the shades are drawn and I’ve locked the porch. We can get totally buck if we want too.” Yup. Totally-Buck. There it is: further proof that I’m living in 1991)
Lawn work took up the remainder of the weekend. And I am...in pain. All over. In my defense, who the frick plants shrubs all over ramshackle in a back yard? WTF were you thinking? Do you have any idea how shitty it is to back hoe out all that shit manually? Fuck. I collapsed on the lawn (To be funny, mind you) but I was plumb ass exhausted. And I had the back-hoe bounce and spin back at me, cracking my knee-cap. I cursed. ("Jeezus-Titty Fucking CHRIST That HURTS!") Later, we iced down and BQ’ed (well, “Foremen’ed” outside) and later watched the movie “Geef part II” and the newest funny funny that y’all should rent (I’m slow w/movie rentals) “Team America: World Police”. I cried laughing. “America!!! Fuck YEAH!!!” Just...too many quotable things in that movie. You got that, Chuck?
And, um, I said “No” to the show. After some thought I felt it for the best. I recommended a dude that would be good for it. I am fairly certain my decision didn’t make them happy, but... Well, yeah. Them’s the breaks. The end. How was yer weekendses?
Is ¼ Cabby. That’s right folks, I arrived home this Friday evening after a booooooring night at job #2 to ¼ of the cabinets completed. (Seriously, one dude working by himself for 10 hours? Get yourself a helper, man! Sheesh!) Apparently installing the corner unit (unit, Smile) is the toughest part and the rest is “Duck Soup”. Oh well. Perhaps yea job will be verily complete tonight?
So, I attended a goo-bye soiree’ for a friend going out to NYC and can I just say LUCKY! Seriously, some peeps have fortune smile at them and damn…for what she’s getting for a 2 BR in the city? Well, Damn. Anyway, I think (all things considered) I was on my best behaviour that evening, and was even joined by my loverly fiancée’. Geef and I are officially married (Sorry Weef) as I have bestowed him with the “one ring” for his upcoming Flying G supershow. Brother, I so hope it can make it onstage. Kaiser said he was wearing an ensemble that was similar to tastes that I have. Huh. I’m a fashion plate and didn’t even know it. I had a funny in here about “Mini-P” but (A) it sounds dirty and (B) Dude is taller than me. No way.
Did I mention that the bar had all sorts of hot-ass-folks in there? Seriously, out of towners should check out the fine ass boys and girls in our theatre scene. I’m just sayin’.
Saturday I saw an awesome Rick III. RPK said it best “Sally and GG are FIERCE”. Oh yeah. That pretty much sums it up. Just, bad ass acting all around. (There was one gal in the cast that just physically reminded me a smidge of “Cheri Oteri”. Funny.) I’m batting a .1000 right now, (seeing good shows over the past 4 weeks) With “Desire” coming up next weekend, I’m hoping for a pentaveret of good theatre.
I did scoot out of the theatre in haste because (get this) I had to regress to high school. That’s right kids, Mom and Dad was outta town so me and the girl snuck over to use the Hot Tub. And it felt awesome, all around. (“No it’s cool baby, the shades are drawn and I’ve locked the porch. We can get totally buck if we want too.” Yup. Totally-Buck. There it is: further proof that I’m living in 1991)
Lawn work took up the remainder of the weekend. And I am...in pain. All over. In my defense, who the frick plants shrubs all over ramshackle in a back yard? WTF were you thinking? Do you have any idea how shitty it is to back hoe out all that shit manually? Fuck. I collapsed on the lawn (To be funny, mind you) but I was plumb ass exhausted. And I had the back-hoe bounce and spin back at me, cracking my knee-cap. I cursed. ("Jeezus-Titty Fucking CHRIST That HURTS!") Later, we iced down and BQ’ed (well, “Foremen’ed” outside) and later watched the movie “Geef part II” and the newest funny funny that y’all should rent (I’m slow w/movie rentals) “Team America: World Police”. I cried laughing. “America!!! Fuck YEAH!!!” Just...too many quotable things in that movie. You got that, Chuck?
And, um, I said “No” to the show. After some thought I felt it for the best. I recommended a dude that would be good for it. I am fairly certain my decision didn’t make them happy, but... Well, yeah. Them’s the breaks. The end. How was yer weekendses?
Friday, May 27, 2005
3 days of Cabinetry
In no particular order:
1-Cabinets. Swwwweeet!!!! They are being installed as we speak. Forking FINALLY!
2-I took a nice 2 hour nap yesterday. Which meant I could barely sleep a wink last night. Which meant that every noise was prone to wake my insomniatic ass up. Including fiancee's coughing fits (She's been illin') ANNNDD some weird situation which took place a scant 5 blocks away from my house. (I'm thinking- WTF am I hearing sirens and helicopters right-outside-my-window. Dang!!!!) Read about it here. Sad story. I used to tan at Tom's back when I went to school at the "U".
3-From MPR- Typically May in MN means 61% of the month is sunny and mild. In 2005 however, that # has dropped to 34%. And I wonder why I've been grumpikins lately. This weather sucks balls.
4-I called someone to say I didn't think I could take a gig. Makes me feel bad. I have a recommendation of someone to do it, but yeah...still makes me feel bad.
5-Seeing Rick 3.0 this weekend. Marking the 3rd weekend in a row I've ventured out for some theatre. I'm on a roll kids. And fricking broke.
6*I got a consolidation loan for all of my plastic. One bill per month, One way-the-frick lower interest rate. Sure, it'll take me 4 years to dig out again (Barring superfluous funds finding there way into my wallet). But, I'm no longer a slave to the debtors prison which is capital one.
7-Might go out to "Der Markt" this evening to wish the Heebs well in her new venture. But, am I like the only person in the world who was suprised by this? Hasn't she lived in over half the continental US w/in the last 5 minutes. I kid. But whereTF is her man-sandwich? You know... That movie writing dork? Wait...who am I kidding? I'll probably stay home and make love to my new cabinets...Mmmmmm ginger-glaze cathedral cut crown moooolding....Oooooooo. What?
8-My parents signed a purchase agreement on a new townhome. It's official: Everybody in my fam has now purchased homes within the last 6 months. That, friends, is weird.
9-While visiting my gayfriendssssteve and his partner at their home, a HUUUUGE rainbow appeared off in the distance after the storm. I couldn't have possibly made a comment which would have matched the irony- "Well there it is: This neighborhood is now the Gayest Gayopolis in the Twin Cities metro."
10-The "Servery" (My buildings cafeteria) shuts down for 2 hours from 9-11am for "kitchen prep" That also means no coffee, water, snacks, etc. That SUCKS Servery ASS!
11-My boss used the term "Mightily" in a team meeting today. To many snickers.
Boss- "What? Mightily is a word"
Me- "Don't worry, Thor, they've probably never heard it"
Boss- "Thanks"
Me- "Yea...verily"
1-Cabinets. Swwwweeet!!!! They are being installed as we speak. Forking FINALLY!
2-I took a nice 2 hour nap yesterday. Which meant I could barely sleep a wink last night. Which meant that every noise was prone to wake my insomniatic ass up. Including fiancee's coughing fits (She's been illin') ANNNDD some weird situation which took place a scant 5 blocks away from my house. (I'm thinking- WTF am I hearing sirens and helicopters right-outside-my-window. Dang!!!!) Read about it here. Sad story. I used to tan at Tom's back when I went to school at the "U".
3-From MPR- Typically May in MN means 61% of the month is sunny and mild. In 2005 however, that # has dropped to 34%. And I wonder why I've been grumpikins lately. This weather sucks balls.
4-I called someone to say I didn't think I could take a gig. Makes me feel bad. I have a recommendation of someone to do it, but yeah...still makes me feel bad.
5-Seeing Rick 3.0 this weekend. Marking the 3rd weekend in a row I've ventured out for some theatre. I'm on a roll kids. And fricking broke.
6*I got a consolidation loan for all of my plastic. One bill per month, One way-the-frick lower interest rate. Sure, it'll take me 4 years to dig out again (Barring superfluous funds finding there way into my wallet). But, I'm no longer a slave to the debtors prison which is capital one.
7-Might go out to "Der Markt" this evening to wish the Heebs well in her new venture. But, am I like the only person in the world who was suprised by this? Hasn't she lived in over half the continental US w/in the last 5 minutes. I kid. But whereTF is her man-sandwich? You know... That movie writing dork? Wait...who am I kidding? I'll probably stay home and make love to my new cabinets...Mmmmmm ginger-glaze cathedral cut crown moooolding....Oooooooo. What?
8-My parents signed a purchase agreement on a new townhome. It's official: Everybody in my fam has now purchased homes within the last 6 months. That, friends, is weird.
9-While visiting my gayfriendssssteve and his partner at their home, a HUUUUGE rainbow appeared off in the distance after the storm. I couldn't have possibly made a comment which would have matched the irony- "Well there it is: This neighborhood is now the Gayest Gayopolis in the Twin Cities metro."
10-The "Servery" (My buildings cafeteria) shuts down for 2 hours from 9-11am for "kitchen prep" That also means no coffee, water, snacks, etc. That SUCKS Servery ASS!
11-My boss used the term "Mightily" in a team meeting today. To many snickers.
Boss- "What? Mightily is a word"
Me- "Don't worry, Thor, they've probably never heard it"
Boss- "Thanks"
Me- "Yea...verily"
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Do NOT do the following while inebriate*
*Brought to you by P’s book of etiquette. Some dates and sources are cited. All stories: True
Additions welcome in the comment area below.
1-Drive. Doi. (1999- I was at a party on Lake and Pleasant. I lived 3 blocks away. I stumbled out into my car…and passed out. I woke up covered in frost. 3-BLOCKS! Runner up would be the time I thought leaving a party hammered would be smart, and after I said my goodbyes I headed out the door. When it was really the broom closet) I lucked out, y’all.
2-Use a pool cue as a bo staff. (1998- "pool" party at a now defunct bar in the Geef’s hometown of SLP. As I was flailing it around, I almost broke the light over the table and pretty much scared the bejeezus outta the partygoers. My big brother thought it was funny.)
3-Tell the chick at the bar she looks just like Denise Richards. And then go on to say that you know her (Denise) personally. Yeah.
4-Swim. Skinny dipping seemed like a pretty good idea at the time, until I started swimming back toward the dock and vomited. Not, my finest moment.
5-Destroy a hotel room. Happy "Golden Birthday" P. Who do you think you are? Axl Rose?
6-Eat Sushi as "After Bar" food. For that matter, (sorry Kaiser, I know you love it) White Casshole does NOT make good drunk food. ‘Specially when you are emptying the contents of your stomach in the shower the following morning.
7-Hit on the bride at the wedding. Even when she starts it. They’re divorced now, in case you’re wondering. And dude is gay.
8-Attend parties thrown by (recent) ex’s who "think you’re the best guy and want to stay friends". Whatever. Taste my drunken FURY!!!
8.5-Along the party motif, don’t attend parties (where) you don’t know anybody…then proceed to get wasted to compensate.
9-Dive headfirst into a roomful of lesbians who are in full make out mode…. Scratch that. Move along to number 10. (That's one for Butterfly Girl)
10-Drink Rumpleminz until 5 am, then try to make it to your 8am Philosophy class. I did it. It sucked.
11-Don’t talk to your parents. (2000) It was a depressing time when both my brother (Who was recently dumped) and I (who was recently dumped) had to move back home for a couple of months. We shut down the BP Applebee’s (Where I told EVERYBODY that MY picture was up on the wall in the back...and that I was a practical CELEBRITY.) and I proceeded to berate my mom on her packrat tendencies when I got home. Big brother nearly broke my ribs the next night at sparring for that one.
12-Shark a party. If you don’t know what "sharking" is, I can tell you later. All I’m saying, is…well, yeah. Just don’t. Same thing goes for sneaking a quickie. Bad form. And the guests might see yer boner. (That's two for Butterfly Girl)
13-Sneak a quickie in a masonic temple. Pretty cool, but damn scary.
14-Spar. We all know that fighting is bad, ‘specially when drinking. You know, this is a better story for later.
15- Exercise, Jog...whatever. Trust me...wine is NOT Gatorade.
16-Talk. At all. Okay, this goes double for me, but seriously. P, STFU!!!
Additions welcome in the comment area below.
1-Drive. Doi. (1999- I was at a party on Lake and Pleasant. I lived 3 blocks away. I stumbled out into my car…and passed out. I woke up covered in frost. 3-BLOCKS! Runner up would be the time I thought leaving a party hammered would be smart, and after I said my goodbyes I headed out the door. When it was really the broom closet) I lucked out, y’all.
2-Use a pool cue as a bo staff. (1998- "pool" party at a now defunct bar in the Geef’s hometown of SLP. As I was flailing it around, I almost broke the light over the table and pretty much scared the bejeezus outta the partygoers. My big brother thought it was funny.)
3-Tell the chick at the bar she looks just like Denise Richards. And then go on to say that you know her (Denise) personally. Yeah.
4-Swim. Skinny dipping seemed like a pretty good idea at the time, until I started swimming back toward the dock and vomited. Not, my finest moment.
5-Destroy a hotel room. Happy "Golden Birthday" P. Who do you think you are? Axl Rose?
6-Eat Sushi as "After Bar" food. For that matter, (sorry Kaiser, I know you love it) White Casshole does NOT make good drunk food. ‘Specially when you are emptying the contents of your stomach in the shower the following morning.
7-Hit on the bride at the wedding. Even when she starts it. They’re divorced now, in case you’re wondering. And dude is gay.
8-Attend parties thrown by (recent) ex’s who "think you’re the best guy and want to stay friends". Whatever. Taste my drunken FURY!!!
8.5-Along the party motif, don’t attend parties (where) you don’t know anybody…then proceed to get wasted to compensate.
9-Dive headfirst into a roomful of lesbians who are in full make out mode…. Scratch that. Move along to number 10. (That's one for Butterfly Girl)
10-Drink Rumpleminz until 5 am, then try to make it to your 8am Philosophy class. I did it. It sucked.
11-Don’t talk to your parents. (2000) It was a depressing time when both my brother (Who was recently dumped) and I (who was recently dumped) had to move back home for a couple of months. We shut down the BP Applebee’s (Where I told EVERYBODY that MY picture was up on the wall in the back...and that I was a practical CELEBRITY.) and I proceeded to berate my mom on her packrat tendencies when I got home. Big brother nearly broke my ribs the next night at sparring for that one.
12-Shark a party. If you don’t know what "sharking" is, I can tell you later. All I’m saying, is…well, yeah. Just don’t. Same thing goes for sneaking a quickie. Bad form. And the guests might see yer boner. (That's two for Butterfly Girl)
13-Sneak a quickie in a masonic temple. Pretty cool, but damn scary.
14-Spar. We all know that fighting is bad, ‘specially when drinking. You know, this is a better story for later.
15- Exercise, Jog...whatever. Trust me...wine is NOT Gatorade.
16-Talk. At all. Okay, this goes double for me, but seriously. P, STFU!!!
My mouth tastes like cat litter
Urgh. (1st of all- thanks for all the advice yestiddy, peeps. I appreciate it.)
I have a hangover. A mild one, but a hangover nonetheless. And I hate it. Hard to feel on top of your game when you have that revolting sour taste in the back of your mouth. Berrgah. Maybe it's cos I was drinking the Pinot from a pint glass...( I'm a classy broad, what can I say?) Or maybe it was after the bottle was empty ( NOT by my hand, thank you. I teetotal, but not that..totally.) when I opted for a beer. Ick Ick Ick. When I went home to paint, I ended up stripping, showering, and hittin' the hay. Didn't even get to say "Goodnight" to my sweetbaby. Wait, I should hit "rewind" for a sec.
I went to a fun little dinner party last night. I really dig on gatherings like that- (Not to disparage big parties, of course) but a night of good food, booze, and conversation IMHO is never a wasted evening. I brought a charming little pesto pasta dish which wasn't as popular as I had hoped...However I am suspect that somebodies shrimp toast manipulated everyones willpower. ; ) You want a spirited discussion? Try putting someone that haaated the new Star Wars in a room with someone who loves SW canon. The conversation SHOULD have died quickly but ohnononon... I had to keep it going. Nanook- I am a nitwit who should be banned from licka and parties. BTW, if you see a certain bald director-give him a hug. He had a awfulnogoodverybad day yesterday.
Today- I'm hungover (If I hadn't mentioned it before), bloated all to hell (Thank Beer!), and ruing the day I ever thought I should wear a tank top to a spring dinner party (Kaiser, I'm wearing baggy clothes for the rest of the year). I should really just make it a point to lock myself in my house when I get an invite to these things. Or maybe, oh I don't knoooow...not drink when I go to them? I'm like Bridget frickin Jones when it comes to drinking and talking. Oooooo there is a new thread: Things NOT to do after drinking a lot. (And I'm not just talking about driving.)
I have a hangover. A mild one, but a hangover nonetheless. And I hate it. Hard to feel on top of your game when you have that revolting sour taste in the back of your mouth. Berrgah. Maybe it's cos I was drinking the Pinot from a pint glass...( I'm a classy broad, what can I say?) Or maybe it was after the bottle was empty ( NOT by my hand, thank you. I teetotal, but not that..totally.) when I opted for a beer. Ick Ick Ick. When I went home to paint, I ended up stripping, showering, and hittin' the hay. Didn't even get to say "Goodnight" to my sweetbaby. Wait, I should hit "rewind" for a sec.
I went to a fun little dinner party last night. I really dig on gatherings like that- (Not to disparage big parties, of course) but a night of good food, booze, and conversation IMHO is never a wasted evening. I brought a charming little pesto pasta dish which wasn't as popular as I had hoped...However I am suspect that somebodies shrimp toast manipulated everyones willpower. ; ) You want a spirited discussion? Try putting someone that haaated the new Star Wars in a room with someone who loves SW canon. The conversation SHOULD have died quickly but ohnononon... I had to keep it going. Nanook- I am a nitwit who should be banned from licka and parties. BTW, if you see a certain bald director-give him a hug. He had a awfulnogoodverybad day yesterday.
Today- I'm hungover (If I hadn't mentioned it before), bloated all to hell (Thank Beer!), and ruing the day I ever thought I should wear a tank top to a spring dinner party (Kaiser, I'm wearing baggy clothes for the rest of the year). I should really just make it a point to lock myself in my house when I get an invite to these things. Or maybe, oh I don't knoooow...not drink when I go to them? I'm like Bridget frickin Jones when it comes to drinking and talking. Oooooo there is a new thread: Things NOT to do after drinking a lot. (And I'm not just talking about driving.)
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
A little help...
So, um. Before I shit out anything light and fluffy...I need a little insight from all peeps theatrical who read this. Cause, um, things always seem to turn out this way for me and I'm a scatterbrain who can't make up his mo-fo'ing mind.
Any insight, would be appreciated, and if your wisdom proves true, the next time I see you I promise a full-on mouth kiss. Guy or Girl. I'm not picky.
3 shows. All of which run prrrreeettty much simultaneously. 9/9/05 to 10/1/05 ish.
1) I get a phone call last night to talk about H/R&G. Could be box-officering for all I know, but I'm kinda sure they had a drop out. Now, I haven't had time to call back and get all the details, alls I know right now is when they run. And I love the play(s), it's a company I've never worked for but I trust the people that direct it to do a good job.
2) Gayspell Auditions: Next weekend the 4th and 5th of June. Haven't done a musical since UBetcha. Would like to do a musical. There, I said it. I happen to like the music (having seen a fun, goofy version that an ex gf was in a few years back) , its a company I've never worked for, and I think it would be a good experience.
3) TeRP is holding auditions for Picnic on 6/13 and 14, directed by old whathisname. His wife put a bug in my ear to "seriously consider" auditioning, and when I talked to him at the Geef's Birthday it only served to further fuel the fire by purchusing, and re-reading the damn script. (I don't do my homework like this for auditions/shows unless I get a serious hard-on for the character/show. Get me?)
So yeah- one show I'm pretty much already in. 2 others are auditioning a week apart. Conventional wisdom says to call back the director to get info, tell them my sitch, and give them a 2 week turnaround time for a response. (Nice and hestitant. And you wonder, P, why you are plague-like in this theatre community. Brash AND indecisive) The other thing, is to audition for both shows anyway, what the hell. You can't approach these things like you're already cast, (Assuming makes and ass outta u and me.) but with everything coming at me so close together, coupled with the fact that all of these shows fall right the frick on top of each other...
Well, actors and directors alike read this filthy filthy blog. Should I audition for'em both? Are there any shows that my readers are leaning toward? Am I fishing for shit that's already cast? Or trying for roles that I have no business trying for. Go with the sure thing? WHAT AM I TO DO??? Why can't these companies plan there damn seasons around my absent-mindedness..ess.
Hell, I'll still probably audition for both of the shows over the next two weeks, but damn. When it rains, it mo-fo'ing pours.
Furg. Maybe I should just audition to be an extra (urm, "essential" sorry) at the G in "His Gal Freitag". Well, I could keep the Geef company. And we could go for a run around Lake of the Isles on the "2 a days".
Any insight, would be appreciated, and if your wisdom proves true, the next time I see you I promise a full-on mouth kiss. Guy or Girl. I'm not picky.
3 shows. All of which run prrrreeettty much simultaneously. 9/9/05 to 10/1/05 ish.
1) I get a phone call last night to talk about H/R&G. Could be box-officering for all I know, but I'm kinda sure they had a drop out. Now, I haven't had time to call back and get all the details, alls I know right now is when they run. And I love the play(s), it's a company I've never worked for but I trust the people that direct it to do a good job.
2) Gayspell Auditions: Next weekend the 4th and 5th of June. Haven't done a musical since UBetcha. Would like to do a musical. There, I said it. I happen to like the music (having seen a fun, goofy version that an ex gf was in a few years back) , its a company I've never worked for, and I think it would be a good experience.
3) TeRP is holding auditions for Picnic on 6/13 and 14, directed by old whathisname. His wife put a bug in my ear to "seriously consider" auditioning, and when I talked to him at the Geef's Birthday it only served to further fuel the fire by purchusing, and re-reading the damn script. (I don't do my homework like this for auditions/shows unless I get a serious hard-on for the character/show. Get me?)
So yeah- one show I'm pretty much already in. 2 others are auditioning a week apart. Conventional wisdom says to call back the director to get info, tell them my sitch, and give them a 2 week turnaround time for a response. (Nice and hestitant. And you wonder, P, why you are plague-like in this theatre community. Brash AND indecisive) The other thing, is to audition for both shows anyway, what the hell. You can't approach these things like you're already cast, (Assuming makes and ass outta u and me.) but with everything coming at me so close together, coupled with the fact that all of these shows fall right the frick on top of each other...
Well, actors and directors alike read this filthy filthy blog. Should I audition for'em both? Are there any shows that my readers are leaning toward? Am I fishing for shit that's already cast? Or trying for roles that I have no business trying for. Go with the sure thing? WHAT AM I TO DO??? Why can't these companies plan there damn seasons around my absent-mindedness..ess.
Hell, I'll still probably audition for both of the shows over the next two weeks, but damn. When it rains, it mo-fo'ing pours.
Furg. Maybe I should just audition to be an extra (urm, "essential" sorry) at the G in "His Gal Freitag". Well, I could keep the Geef company. And we could go for a run around Lake of the Isles on the "2 a days".
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Just a little Prick...
Somedays, the IMDB quote of the day makes me smile. I was almost gonna use it as a tag-
"You have to purify yourself in Lake Minnetonka" - Purple Rain.
Our great state is famous!
Todays birthdays include two of my favorite actors-
John C Reilly (Love me some Boogie Nights: "Let's get is some of that Saturday Night Beaver". AND performed him some Williams ala' "Streetcar"- Small Geefy World)
Also
Alfred Molina (He did Spidey 2, doi. BUT, again with the Boogie Nights: "That's Kosmo. He's Chinese." Or how about "Raiders"? "Throw me the idol!!!" )
J is getting acupuncture today. My sweet love will now be a dancing pink pincushion. Don't ever repeat this, but I've wanted acupuncture since I was a little kid. I was rifling through dad's naughty magazine stash and in an issue of "Oui" there was a centerfold with acupuncture, (ahem) "all over" ifyouknowwhatImeanandIthinkyoudo... Okay, so that wasn't the real reason (snicker) -
About 8 or 9 years ago, I had a martial artist friend of mine who got himself into a car accident. He royally fouled up his back, so he was recommended to a puncture artist by his chiropractor. (I can see my parents now: "Witch Doctors!!! All of 'em!!!") ANYhey, he had it done, and while he was getting pricked the old holistic medicinalist said "Bad Blood may rise, wait and see!" And it did. Holeee Molee, the guy's back looked like someone had full-on jumped up and down on him. What he told me was that his back was as good as he had felt in months, and he was finally able to move his head from left to right without pain. That, is something I'd be willing to try. (Even though one of the side effects J read to me last night was "relaxed bowels". Whoops, Mr. Puncture-dude...I crapped my pants.)
I hope it works for my love. Well, without the incontinence part. And they better stay away from her goodies! Lousy naughty magazine. Lousy scenario burned into my head.
"You have to purify yourself in Lake Minnetonka" - Purple Rain.
Our great state is famous!
Todays birthdays include two of my favorite actors-
John C Reilly (Love me some Boogie Nights: "Let's get is some of that Saturday Night Beaver". AND performed him some Williams ala' "Streetcar"- Small Geefy World)
Also
Alfred Molina (He did Spidey 2, doi. BUT, again with the Boogie Nights: "That's Kosmo. He's Chinese." Or how about "Raiders"? "Throw me the idol!!!" )
J is getting acupuncture today. My sweet love will now be a dancing pink pincushion. Don't ever repeat this, but I've wanted acupuncture since I was a little kid. I was rifling through dad's naughty magazine stash and in an issue of "Oui" there was a centerfold with acupuncture, (ahem) "all over" ifyouknowwhatImeanandIthinkyoudo... Okay, so that wasn't the real reason (snicker) -
About 8 or 9 years ago, I had a martial artist friend of mine who got himself into a car accident. He royally fouled up his back, so he was recommended to a puncture artist by his chiropractor. (I can see my parents now: "Witch Doctors!!! All of 'em!!!") ANYhey, he had it done, and while he was getting pricked the old holistic medicinalist said "Bad Blood may rise, wait and see!" And it did. Holeee Molee, the guy's back looked like someone had full-on jumped up and down on him. What he told me was that his back was as good as he had felt in months, and he was finally able to move his head from left to right without pain. That, is something I'd be willing to try. (Even though one of the side effects J read to me last night was "relaxed bowels". Whoops, Mr. Puncture-dude...I crapped my pants.)
I hope it works for my love. Well, without the incontinence part. And they better stay away from her goodies! Lousy naughty magazine. Lousy scenario burned into my head.
Monday, May 23, 2005
I need a camera phone
Or some mental mouthwash.
The paper towel holder in our break room is empty, and right now looks suspiciously like a...(Sighs, grumbles) "double penetrator". Long shaft/short shaft with a bulbous end?
I need to leave for the day. Really.
The paper towel holder in our break room is empty, and right now looks suspiciously like a...(Sighs, grumbles) "double penetrator". Long shaft/short shaft with a bulbous end?
I need to leave for the day. Really.
Shhhh, can you keep a secret?
A super-secret-
Have I ever explained the concept of super-secret boyfriends and girlfriends? Otherwise called "Blue Moon B/F’s or G/F’s". I’m sure I did at some point, which means I’ve already proven how terrible I am at keeping these "super secrets" BLAST!!! : )
I was explaining them to Tallen the other day at Kaisers show. (Which y’all shoulda checked out. It was pretty good. I have to give him shite because of the moment his character starts mackin’ on Louka…well let’s just say that Tallen and I noticed that it was a very "Kaiser" moment. Player.)
There are a few ground rules which need to be laid down:
1st- A blue moon girlfriend or boyfriend is one where there is absolutely no intention of naughtiness, whatsoever. The idea of sexual gratification or advancing the relationship is unthinkable and unnecessary. Why?
2- You could already be in a serious committed relationship while having a blue moon beef or geef. They too, may be in a long termer.
3- the dude or chick in question is probably a great, even bestest friend. They are someone you pal with and may already have an incredible amount in common. Even if you don’t get to see them all that often, you still have a compatible charm of someone you feel completely comfortable with. Together, you two just "get it".
4- Generally, they are very funny. The reason why there is no (and should be no) sexual commiserating is due to the fact that a terrific sense of wit and humor is usually used in lieu of actual fornication. Flirting would almost seem uncouth.
5- Both parties must be adept at smack talking. At other people, and especially toward each other. If you can take the slings and arrows of each other’s barbs. (And they shouldn’t be cutting or loutish.) Then you’ll understand the meaning. Benedick and Beatrice got nothing on you two.
6-NO Sex.
The reason that they are "blue moon" is because if the planets were aligned, the stars in the right place, and mass quantities of Ice Cream and Chocolate wouldn’t make you look like Grimace- you two would probably be dating. J was never a SSGF because she had already established herself as soul mate from the get go. (And though she is funny, snarky, and we have mucho in common- We still figured we probably wanted to do each other- So she is elevated from SSGF to future wife. Cool, huh?) I’ve actually had a couple of SSGF’s. (Polygamy is allowed with them.) Which is cool because they never get jealous.
You can either elect to tell your SSGF that you’d like them to be Your SSF if you desire, or be cool- and keep that quiet satisfaction to yourself. Mates, do not fear the SSG or BF as they will never take your place or cause your lover to stray. They’re a great partner to both of you.
They’re just…secret.
Have I ever explained the concept of super-secret boyfriends and girlfriends? Otherwise called "Blue Moon B/F’s or G/F’s". I’m sure I did at some point, which means I’ve already proven how terrible I am at keeping these "super secrets" BLAST!!! : )
I was explaining them to Tallen the other day at Kaisers show. (Which y’all shoulda checked out. It was pretty good. I have to give him shite because of the moment his character starts mackin’ on Louka…well let’s just say that Tallen and I noticed that it was a very "Kaiser" moment. Player.)
There are a few ground rules which need to be laid down:
1st- A blue moon girlfriend or boyfriend is one where there is absolutely no intention of naughtiness, whatsoever. The idea of sexual gratification or advancing the relationship is unthinkable and unnecessary. Why?
2- You could already be in a serious committed relationship while having a blue moon beef or geef. They too, may be in a long termer.
3- the dude or chick in question is probably a great, even bestest friend. They are someone you pal with and may already have an incredible amount in common. Even if you don’t get to see them all that often, you still have a compatible charm of someone you feel completely comfortable with. Together, you two just "get it".
4- Generally, they are very funny. The reason why there is no (and should be no) sexual commiserating is due to the fact that a terrific sense of wit and humor is usually used in lieu of actual fornication. Flirting would almost seem uncouth.
5- Both parties must be adept at smack talking. At other people, and especially toward each other. If you can take the slings and arrows of each other’s barbs. (And they shouldn’t be cutting or loutish.) Then you’ll understand the meaning. Benedick and Beatrice got nothing on you two.
6-NO Sex.
The reason that they are "blue moon" is because if the planets were aligned, the stars in the right place, and mass quantities of Ice Cream and Chocolate wouldn’t make you look like Grimace- you two would probably be dating. J was never a SSGF because she had already established herself as soul mate from the get go. (And though she is funny, snarky, and we have mucho in common- We still figured we probably wanted to do each other- So she is elevated from SSGF to future wife. Cool, huh?) I’ve actually had a couple of SSGF’s. (Polygamy is allowed with them.) Which is cool because they never get jealous.
You can either elect to tell your SSGF that you’d like them to be Your SSF if you desire, or be cool- and keep that quiet satisfaction to yourself. Mates, do not fear the SSG or BF as they will never take your place or cause your lover to stray. They’re a great partner to both of you.
They’re just…secret.
Friday, May 20, 2005
BFS*
Big fucking suprise.
We took one of those "personality profiles" in my team meeting today. Mine said "You Are The Socializer: Hey Look At Me". I didn't have to read the complete profile. I think it said enough.
(In all fairness, I was bordering on "The Relater", but the rest of the group laughed this kind of "oh, that's true" kinda laugh when I announced mine.) Honky shit, yo'.
ESFP on my Meyers Briggs, and I'm a concrete random. Frickin' shrinks and their stoopid tests.
We took one of those "personality profiles" in my team meeting today. Mine said "You Are The Socializer: Hey Look At Me". I didn't have to read the complete profile. I think it said enough.
(In all fairness, I was bordering on "The Relater", but the rest of the group laughed this kind of "oh, that's true" kinda laugh when I announced mine.) Honky shit, yo'.
ESFP on my Meyers Briggs, and I'm a concrete random. Frickin' shrinks and their stoopid tests.
I knew it...
What American City are YOU?
American Cities That Best Fit You: (Me)
70% Los Angeles
65% San Diego
55%New York City
55% San Francisco
55% Seattle
I figured as much. If you subscribe to it, I've always felt like a "West Coast Guy". (Changing from my teenage years, when I thought be a cowboy and grow old in "4 Corners") Think about it- I'm a little shallow, Mellow, Kinda Selfish, Hard to take serious, WAAAAY too into my image, Kinda gay, and I'm dating a supermodel. (Hee. Love my girl) I also have always had a strange affinity for the ocean, and as recent trips to SF and Laguna Niguel have cemented my belief that I'm all sorts of Cali. J- VERY East Coast. Big time. You can totally see it.
Which makes me think, that living here in our Great State of MN...we arrive at a very happy medium.
Yessiree, Affinity for Geography sez a lot about a person. Don't even get me started on how it relates to what kind of "partner" you're looking for.
American Cities That Best Fit You: (Me)
70% Los Angeles
65% San Diego
55%New York City
55% San Francisco
55% Seattle
I figured as much. If you subscribe to it, I've always felt like a "West Coast Guy". (Changing from my teenage years, when I thought be a cowboy and grow old in "4 Corners") Think about it- I'm a little shallow, Mellow, Kinda Selfish, Hard to take serious, WAAAAY too into my image, Kinda gay, and I'm dating a supermodel. (Hee. Love my girl) I also have always had a strange affinity for the ocean, and as recent trips to SF and Laguna Niguel have cemented my belief that I'm all sorts of Cali. J- VERY East Coast. Big time. You can totally see it.
Which makes me think, that living here in our Great State of MN...we arrive at a very happy medium.
Yessiree, Affinity for Geography sez a lot about a person. Don't even get me started on how it relates to what kind of "partner" you're looking for.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Oh gosh, I'm sorry...
My "Give a Shit-O-Meter" must be broken.
Seriously. You want to rent a tux for prom the day before? Ain't gonna happen. And I could give two craps who you talked to at the "corporate office" (read: Warehouse). That person, btw, works in tech design, and is feeding you a line a shit. She knows fresnels and ellipsoidals, and that is about it. Douchebag. All modesty aside, you should be happy that I can switch my charm back on for your kids whose big night this is supposed to be for anyway.
They rented a gangster costume, in case you're wondering. They thought it'd look cooler and I agreed. Fricking costume rental ain't even open and I rented it to'em. Aw P, you big softy you.
Oooooo soft. I'm feeling it around the chubs. Lousy movie tub O popcorn. Lousy water retention. Pooooooose.
Seriously. You want to rent a tux for prom the day before? Ain't gonna happen. And I could give two craps who you talked to at the "corporate office" (read: Warehouse). That person, btw, works in tech design, and is feeding you a line a shit. She knows fresnels and ellipsoidals, and that is about it. Douchebag. All modesty aside, you should be happy that I can switch my charm back on for your kids whose big night this is supposed to be for anyway.
They rented a gangster costume, in case you're wondering. They thought it'd look cooler and I agreed. Fricking costume rental ain't even open and I rented it to'em. Aw P, you big softy you.
Oooooo soft. I'm feeling it around the chubs. Lousy movie tub O popcorn. Lousy water retention. Pooooooose.
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