In which we run "scary" far...

Pictured...part of my Monster Dash ensemBLAH! "Spider-Mike and his AMAZING Friends!" Convenient that I had it sittin' in storage, more importantly when I dug it up I still had the stretchy winter gloves I had originally used back in 1998 or so. (Nice for a chilly morning trot) The puff paint was a spur-of-the-moment piece of artistic improvisation that I immediately regretted when I proceeded to get it all over my hands, forearms, legs, and yes...my face. And it stains.

Also...wrist-shooter wrist bands? Hello? Geek? Or CREATIVE MISUNDERSTOOD GENIUS?!?!

The Monster Dash marks my LAST race of the season in 2011- a season marked with fairly dramatic personal improvement, IMO, as well as a new found sense of camaraderie with my friends and new runners who've decided to brave the pavement in pursuit of logging ridiculous weekly distances. I've approached my last two Half-Mar's without gunning for PR's or other lofty goals and I found myself actually planning out and setting up a training plan for this one
in the interest of (hopefully) finishing it Sub-Two. Which over the last two weeks...I more or less dropped.


Rock N' Roll, Spider Nike Mikey. Not pictured: Where'll the Garmin live?

It's not that I don't want to finish sub-two or attempt to use this race as my first attempt to really push the shit out of myself...I just got into my head a liiiiittle too much. I started getting pings and pains here and there. Then the last few weeks of October got themself good and filled from morning to night with work, rehearsal, tours, etc...not to mention I was racing the clock with house projects, the garden, the lawn...MN pre-winter prep...I felt up to my eyeballs in stuff...and by last week or so my lofty race goals just kind of started to... drift a bit.

That said, I performed a mental Etch-A-Sketch shake and reset my brain to "simplify", and made a new game plan which is simply to do my best to run a good race. Go the distance running. To push myself (and hang with the 2:00 hr pace group for as long as possible). To finish strong. And most importantly to have fun with my friends who have been (whether aware or not) a source of pride, support, and joy since we started our outdoor trots together back in April. (Remember the picture FeeJ snapped?)

And seriously? A body suit that can effectively serve as cold-weather technical gear? I pity anyone trying to run in those stupid "Sexy" costumes. (And for people who use face paint make-up. Man. If I tried to be a Zombie Runner? Besides looking like a douchebag? My face would be a gray and red runny mess by mile 3). I think that my being dressed as Die Spinne will be much easier to spot than when I'm wearing super high modesty-proof shorts. Possibly.

I'm not gonna lie- I'm insanely happy to be done with the distance running for 2011. It'll be nice to get back into a routine where I'm runnin' shorties without worrying about tempo/hill/speed work. I'm excited to get back to the karate studio to work on "different" muscles and to start sparring again. To go to the gym to "only" lift weights...yeah. For a while, anyway. Or until I get a bug up my ass to do a full Mary. One day at a time, Michael. Please.

Lastly- I'm starting to write an article that I hope to submit to Runner's World for their blog, or even for their magazine. I can't stress enough that the 12 months have been both a hard and yet wonderfully transformative time for me while I wear this strange distance "running" persona I've adopted. I'd like to think the story I tell (One that isn't relegated to my frassy blog soundbites) is one that might provide runners- new or old- with the kind of support and insight that I've found on my distance trots. It's been a trip.

I leave y'all with my umpteenth plea to come out and support the Monster Dash 2011. The adoration and cheers of the crowds are one of the most appreciated parts of the experience. And I hope to see you out there. Oh, and this guy? This guy stays clean until Halloween. Or maybe brunch after the race. See you on the course...

Closing up Horror-thon 2011

To recap: I've been trying to get through my Netflixed list of Horror themed movies in October. I've got a small amount of recapping to do, as I've been posting mini-reviews on another site...and to be fair the movie "Zombi" could warrant a 42 page thesis in and of itself. That said, this will be partly compartmentalized since I've made some headway since my last review...AND the Monster Dash is coming up...much more entertaining things to frass about.

So.

I made it through a film series in its entirety. I made it through some 70's genre. A remake. An indie surprise. And...my most regrettable decisions...the "controversial/banned" horror genre. I'll be focusing on the franchise piece today and offering up morsels about the remaining films by way of thumbs upping/downing their respective worths IMNSHO. Let's just say, to rip off about 87 different horror film taglines...sometimes the past should stay dead and buried. Esp. one particularly stupid street in Ohio and the homeless kobold in a Christmas sweater with a bag ladies fingernails...

Pictured: Video World in Brooklyn Park had a small garbage can full of "used" movie posters that I'd appropriate from time to time- mostly...always... from the "horror" section. The above repro was from around 1987...or when Freddy started to be "funny". More on that in a tic.

The Franchise: A Nightmare on Elm Street
# of movies: 6 in the franchise "proper". 1 meta in-joke. 1 crossover. 1 remake. (I stuck with the franchise "proper", more or less. Watched in order. Here we go.)

Part #'s:
1- The first. Arguably the best. Scary. Defining. Dark ending.
2- I skipped it. What? It had almost nothing to do with the rest except Freddy and the house. And jokey homo-erotic undertones all over.
3- Fun. Okay special effects and creative deaths. Freddy gets "funny". Wouldn't have hurt to stop the series here. By far, the 2nd best of the lot.
4- Getting dumber.
5- Good effects. Still dumb. The high school kids are really looking old. They're really over-explaining his backstory now. A major horror film no-no.
6- It was in 3D. And does NOT translate well. Not only should the series have been buried, but it should have had concrete poured over it. Then a fake grave marker in a completely different cemetery to appeal to tourists. So. Freaking. Dumb. It hurt.

-A New Nightmare. 1994. In jokes and audience "winks"/Easter Eggs were really far and few between. This movie was almost ALL meta. Before meta was meta. Still, probably my 3rd favorite in the series...if anything for the 25 lb cell phones.

The whole series? 2.5/5

The rest:

Trollhunter- Awesome. And funny. And really, really well done for a "low budget" film.
Stakeland- Not as awesome. Not as fun. And I got kind of bored. It was like "The Road" meets "30 Days of Night".
Martin- Non-Zombie Romero Vampire Film. Better than I thought. Weird at first, but if you go with it it won't let you down. The "is he" or "isn't he"? Is part of the charm.
Dawn of the Dead (2004)- Very good. Intense. Frightening. Takes a little from every piece of "Z" genre films including the original source material to make a quality "scary" movie.
The Cell- Okay, so it's a little unfair since I'd seen it already. That said, you can't go wrong with what you know and what you know is thrilling. And it's a beautifully rendered movie to boot. ("Nightmare" series, take note- THIS is how you create a dream landscape. Not by retreading a boiler room or smelly asylum.)

The very...very bad. Like, 0/5 stars would be polite. We're talking the "banned/controversial" horror films...


Salo'- So f#cking gross. I can divorce myself from what I know is "fake" or an "effect". And this movie about fascist Italy toward the end of WW II dealing with some very perverse and twisted people...defenders of this film? Have fun. It was absolutely putrid and disgusting.

Cannibal Holocaust- Fine. One of the 1st "found film" scary movies...it's just kind of gross and little disturbing. And not necessarily the simulated pygmy rape...they butcher live animals on film. Dumb N' Gross...

Zombi- Will get a blog unto itself. A zombie dry-humps a shark underwater. 'Nuff said.


That's where I am. I have "Macbeth" (1971), "Braindead", and "The Last Circus" on the queue- not to mention there are about 6 on the Instant backburner. Besides that, I was preparing to ready myself for a few of the specific "Friday the 13th" movies (namely, 1-6...skipping part V since it wasn't SPOILER Jason) It'll be mid-November by this point, and with needing to decorate for Halloween, run a half-Mary in costume, rehearse, do 4-5 Ghost Tours, and get my overall house ready for winter...I might just get a little tired of "Horror" and go back to streaming the latest "Dr. Who" series or "Friday Night Lights"....(Sighs)

Pictured: The other poster I bought with the one above. I believe it was one of them that my grandma...when she came up to stay with us in 1988/1989 or so and was going to sleep in my bedroom...made me take them down before she could sleep...MuhwahHAHAHAHAHA!!!