Closing up Horror-thon 2011

To recap: I've been trying to get through my Netflixed list of Horror themed movies in October. I've got a small amount of recapping to do, as I've been posting mini-reviews on another site...and to be fair the movie "Zombi" could warrant a 42 page thesis in and of itself. That said, this will be partly compartmentalized since I've made some headway since my last review...AND the Monster Dash is coming up...much more entertaining things to frass about.

So.

I made it through a film series in its entirety. I made it through some 70's genre. A remake. An indie surprise. And...my most regrettable decisions...the "controversial/banned" horror genre. I'll be focusing on the franchise piece today and offering up morsels about the remaining films by way of thumbs upping/downing their respective worths IMNSHO. Let's just say, to rip off about 87 different horror film taglines...sometimes the past should stay dead and buried. Esp. one particularly stupid street in Ohio and the homeless kobold in a Christmas sweater with a bag ladies fingernails...

Pictured: Video World in Brooklyn Park had a small garbage can full of "used" movie posters that I'd appropriate from time to time- mostly...always... from the "horror" section. The above repro was from around 1987...or when Freddy started to be "funny". More on that in a tic.

The Franchise: A Nightmare on Elm Street
# of movies: 6 in the franchise "proper". 1 meta in-joke. 1 crossover. 1 remake. (I stuck with the franchise "proper", more or less. Watched in order. Here we go.)

Part #'s:
1- The first. Arguably the best. Scary. Defining. Dark ending.
2- I skipped it. What? It had almost nothing to do with the rest except Freddy and the house. And jokey homo-erotic undertones all over.
3- Fun. Okay special effects and creative deaths. Freddy gets "funny". Wouldn't have hurt to stop the series here. By far, the 2nd best of the lot.
4- Getting dumber.
5- Good effects. Still dumb. The high school kids are really looking old. They're really over-explaining his backstory now. A major horror film no-no.
6- It was in 3D. And does NOT translate well. Not only should the series have been buried, but it should have had concrete poured over it. Then a fake grave marker in a completely different cemetery to appeal to tourists. So. Freaking. Dumb. It hurt.

-A New Nightmare. 1994. In jokes and audience "winks"/Easter Eggs were really far and few between. This movie was almost ALL meta. Before meta was meta. Still, probably my 3rd favorite in the series...if anything for the 25 lb cell phones.

The whole series? 2.5/5

The rest:

Trollhunter- Awesome. And funny. And really, really well done for a "low budget" film.
Stakeland- Not as awesome. Not as fun. And I got kind of bored. It was like "The Road" meets "30 Days of Night".
Martin- Non-Zombie Romero Vampire Film. Better than I thought. Weird at first, but if you go with it it won't let you down. The "is he" or "isn't he"? Is part of the charm.
Dawn of the Dead (2004)- Very good. Intense. Frightening. Takes a little from every piece of "Z" genre films including the original source material to make a quality "scary" movie.
The Cell- Okay, so it's a little unfair since I'd seen it already. That said, you can't go wrong with what you know and what you know is thrilling. And it's a beautifully rendered movie to boot. ("Nightmare" series, take note- THIS is how you create a dream landscape. Not by retreading a boiler room or smelly asylum.)

The very...very bad. Like, 0/5 stars would be polite. We're talking the "banned/controversial" horror films...


Salo'- So f#cking gross. I can divorce myself from what I know is "fake" or an "effect". And this movie about fascist Italy toward the end of WW II dealing with some very perverse and twisted people...defenders of this film? Have fun. It was absolutely putrid and disgusting.

Cannibal Holocaust- Fine. One of the 1st "found film" scary movies...it's just kind of gross and little disturbing. And not necessarily the simulated pygmy rape...they butcher live animals on film. Dumb N' Gross...

Zombi- Will get a blog unto itself. A zombie dry-humps a shark underwater. 'Nuff said.


That's where I am. I have "Macbeth" (1971), "Braindead", and "The Last Circus" on the queue- not to mention there are about 6 on the Instant backburner. Besides that, I was preparing to ready myself for a few of the specific "Friday the 13th" movies (namely, 1-6...skipping part V since it wasn't SPOILER Jason) It'll be mid-November by this point, and with needing to decorate for Halloween, run a half-Mary in costume, rehearse, do 4-5 Ghost Tours, and get my overall house ready for winter...I might just get a little tired of "Horror" and go back to streaming the latest "Dr. Who" series or "Friday Night Lights"....(Sighs)

Pictured: The other poster I bought with the one above. I believe it was one of them that my grandma...when she came up to stay with us in 1988/1989 or so and was going to sleep in my bedroom...made me take them down before she could sleep...MuhwahHAHAHAHAHA!!!