I didn't think you'd catch that...

So my friend Ry-Gonn and his wife were kind enough to offer a quick giglet/internal shoot pimping a product for some clients this last weekend. I had to get dressed up all lawyerly and hustle my buns to get off-book. (A prospect hindered sliiiiightly by the fact that there was a bit of legal and technical jargon in there, Annnd coupled with my inability to always stay on script. Thankfully, his wifey was okay with that so long as I followed the story)

Hanging out on our marks, we were going over our scripts in between takes and joking about how we should have planned our wardrobe choices better (both of us were in our professional black suits along with a matching shade of blue dress shirt. Whoops) when I noticed in the bright camera lights some shiny silver streaking through Ry's temples and along the side of his head. And of course I commented on it.

Now...We've known each other for about 11 years, and while gray hair is part and parcel to getting older I found that I wasn't as much of a sarcastic schmuck as I probably used to be, going so far as to saying that I even had silver and gray hairs here and there. (And I do. There you go. I'm old. Shup) He took a sec, squinting and examining my head before stating that he didn't notice a single one. (Not out of being polite- mind. I'm just a titch closer to blonde than I am a true brownie.) So I lean forward, squint MY eyes and quietly under my breath Isay: "That's because it's in my puuuuuubes". No sooner did I say that than the camera man bellows

"I heard that."

Right. Forgot about that little microphone wired up through my shirt and clipped to my lapel. Fortunately, the guy was laughing and had a sense of humor about it*. And this, friends, is what we do to make a commercial shoot go faster.





*Speaking of crew lacking a sense of humor...Back in 1994 or so, I did my first student "film" for my friend AL and his cousin Jay. To say the shooting was "loose" would be an understatement and insult to slacker 19 year "film students". It felt fancy since we had a crew of one and everything, and after a big scene where I had to walk across the shot bare-ass and the director yells "CUT!"- for some reason we started making doofy religious jokes that culminated in our wanting to have a big crucifix on the wall that I hang from and commit suicide. Z(Whatever. For some reason we all thought it was funny at the time.) Except our cameraman, who went from noisily moving his equipmentfor the next shot to dead freaking silence in a heartbeat. When we all turned and looked at him (I'm still kind of buck nekkid at this time) he's staring at us with this...really uncomfortable intensity. So the director says "What's up, dude...are you like...Christian or something?" To which he responds cooly "Yes. Yes I am." And proceeds to pack up the gear and leave. And we're standing around feeling a mix of shame and...well... no. That's not really true. I was the only one who really felt any embarrassment at the faux pas and my nudity. Jay was pissed off and just wanted to finish his stupid film.

So you know, there's an probably an old film student out there somewhere with some prime footage of 19-year old me in my all together. I'd rather not speculate on what he did with it. Let's just leave it at that.

All right, all right, all riiiight...

So I "liked" Matthew McConnaughey on F'Book a few days ago. (I went on a strange celebrity "Liking" bender, okay? I ended up with Jeff Bridges and Patricia Clarkson as well, so I'm doing my due diligence in my weird celebrity stalking.) All right...Truth is, while trolling F'book I saw another buddy had "liked" the movie "Dazed and Confused" so that ended up leading me to the M'Hey's page.

And it was comedy.

I'm like a lot of people that laughs at his expense: The impersonation Matt Damon did. The Family Guy appearances. The pointless shirts-off movie moments . The gawdawful Rom Com's where every poster looks the exact same. (I mean seriously? You do a great movie like "A Time To Kill" and follow it up with 14 years of tripe? I mean, "Frailty" was a good "weird" and had Bill Paxton in it. But the rest? Crap.) The HIlarious mugshot after his arrest for getting stoned, playing the bongos, and resisting arrest: Butt Nekkid. (Okay that was kind of cool.)

I mean, the guy just strikes me as kind of the Johnny Salami type you'd see at the bar or gym who gives off sort of a too cool for school "predatory checking-out-every-chicks-ass-while-his-girlfriend-isn't-looking" vibe...(There has to be a way to truncate that.)

And then there's the dude I like. The guy who likes trail running. Wear's Nike Free's or Vibrams. Who does weight workouts with rocks and whatever shit he finds when he's out running. Does pull ups on trees. I mean, it's not like he's a role model but at least he isn't a train wreck or staging a career comeback after years of drug use and alcoholism. Whatever. I can identify, man.

And yet his FB page is filled with the kind of bon mots you can't make-up unless you're a writer on "The Family Guy". I mean- "Cookin' today with Guy Flieri. Should be fun and healthy. Just keep livin'..." is all fine and PR-tastic. But the other night I bugged the heck out of Moda right before we went to sleep with my own list of McConaughism's. (Why my brain starts racing right before we snooze is beyond me)

"Went running in Costa Rica. Used a boa constrictor as a jump rope. Just keep livin'"

"Snorkeled on the Great Barrier Reef. Caught a few rays afterward next to the carcass of the shark I killed with my bare hands. Made it into sushi, then did bicep curls with a Koala. Just keep livin'"

"Ate squirrel with my mother. Just another Thursday night with the fam, LOL. Just keep livin'!"

"Smoked a doob that I was told contained the ashes of Ghandi, but it tasted like a mixture of purple Koosh and the dude that played 'Uncle Jesse' on 'Dukes'. Bunk sale. Just keep livin!"

"Punched a dude in the mouth for calling my girlfriend my 'Wife'. I hate that. So I did some push-ups. Just keep livin'!"

"Found a great new organic chest-waxing kit. Has a great flexible brush so I can get at my back. Looks like I'll need to return those gravity boots! Ha ha. JKL!!!"


Go ahead. Be morbidly curious for a while. I'll wait. And I'm not lying.

Mikeflix- "The Other Guys"

***Review in brief, with lite-spoilers. Currently available on Netflix/Redbox*** The Other Guys Let's set up one thing right away: There's no way I should have enjoyed this movie. Of the two camps "People who like Will Ferrell Movies" and "People who despise Will Ferrell Movies" I fall slightly toward "like", but that's b/c I like his schtick. (I don't think drama is his bag, though. IMO) So I rented it with someone elses recommendation in mind and thinking that it looked like an utter turd from the get go, figuring at worst I could shut it off and update my queue. What I got, was a pleasantly surprising and not-too-formulaic tongue-in-cheek comedy. The easy plot premise is that the two idolized NYPD (Samuel "the Man" Jackson and the Rock) die, and it's left up to a pair of milquetoast loser-cops (Ferrell and Walberg) to solve a high-level financial crime. Hijinks ensue. I know, right? Even the box art makes it look stupid. And then you realize, "a financial crime? Not drugs? Not prostitutes? Not Czechen mafioso?" See, what elevates this is that it really doesn't rely too much on Ferrell's schtick (granted, it comes out once or twice.) and it has enough by way of supporting players (Michael Keaton as the beleagured police Captain who has to work part-time at Bed, Bath, and Beyond and drops TLC lyrics like they were bon mot's...and then denies he's ever heard of them- is a gem. Eva Mendes as the smoking hot wife of Will Ferrell playing it straight while he keeps calling her "plain" and Steve Coogan as the Bernie Madoff Knock-off round out the lot.) as well as buddy-cop movie nods with a twist (It lacks the sexiness of, say, a Gran Torino, but Ferrell's Prius makes for funny car chases.) Lastly...Someone tell Mark Wahlberg to keep doing comedy. I mildly b#tched about him in "The Fighter" , but he sports some great comic timing in this. Seriously. The conversation he has about Will Ferrell's collegiate "pimp-days" was laugh-worthy, in addition to his exclaiming "I'M A PEACOCK...AND I JUST GOTTA SPREAD MY WINGS AND FLY!!!". If anything does slow it up, it's that it tends to be a mish-mash of cut scenes. Some gags are pulled out juuuust a little too long. And Will Ferrell doing his schtick instead of playing it all straight causes more eye-rolling than laughs. Still, a solid comedy for a date night. Really. 3 out of 4 Stars