25 Weeks and?

 Sorry, followers.  I'm pretty fatigued and have been having some pretty intense internal conflict as to whether or not I should vacate social media permanently- wondering so much as to how much energy do I want to spend trying to export 12 years worth of pictures (or will I miss them?  So many have drunk mugging faces from me.) and how something that seemed so goddamn benign in 2008 turned into such a weird monster.

I can't attribute either of these since I'm paraphrasing them, but I read a quote that said "If you think about how quickly Facebook destroyed civilization since it's beginning just over a decade ago, it's really impressive." and the other was about how something designed with an algorithm designed to "connect you to people with the same interests".  Which made ME jump to "Oh sure.  'If you LIKE the confederate flag, then you'll LOVE!' dot dot dot."  Hell, it probably started with the "Dukes of Hazzard" fan page and figured out people who were spitting fire when the series was pulled due to glamourizing the symbol of a time in America when the Confederate States, like, wanted to own people as property.  

Which, weirdly, to me?  Seems really bad.  And the magic of social media starts assaulting you with page recommendations and next thing you know we're arguing whether vaccines are valid, organizing criminal activities against elected officials, and spending the last 4 years- whether you supported the asshole or not- swirling around soundbites screaming about how you CAN'T believe that asshole LIED again...with other people defending him.  (I'm in the former camp, btw.  And along with being able to socially interact with people while seeing their faces IRL without seeming weird, I have the hardest fucking time with coming to grips with people who- by crowing their support of him- kind of outed themselves as being tolerant of racism, homoph...you know what?  If you're a human being who gives a shit about other human beings, I'm just going to keep the faith and presume you're not.

And I guess that's where my naivety got the best of me and the damage was done.  I don't know if I'm worse off in knowing all of that, or if  being ignorant and playing along for the sake of family gatherings was living a life of even simple advocacy.  

Likelier still, Trump would never have become president without social media.  I'd die on that hill.  And that hill is going to still be around for the next few election cycles.  So do I even want to bother any more?

Maybe save the gram.  Or Twitter for an adrenaline shock of outrage.  See what other form of energy I can direct all of (gestures outward) this anxiety into.  Because it's been 25 weeks since George Floyd was murdered by members of the Minneapolis Police Department.  People are complaining about the crime.  The City Council said they'd fix everything and the police, but can barely pass a referendum to ask for more money for more cops.

And we're in Winter.  And in a pandemic.  And there are just so many things I'm saying now that *could* have been mitigated before any of them happened, and knowing why after the fact doesn't make me sleep any better.