Return of the Meme*

(*Which is funnier if you imagine it sang to the tune of Mark Morrison's "Return of the Mack")

The "honesty" aka "X# of things you might not know about me" meme's have been making the rounds on ye old F'book I actually enjoy seeing these again on the vasty regions of social media.  It brings me back a few years when my friends and I would shoot links and meme's to one and other via email to keep us from losing our minds at our day jobs.

On a similar vein, it makes me winsome for Callboard (RIP).  Callboard evolved from that banter, and with social media being what it is you could feel the death knell in the form of reduced traffic, reduced posting (it was me, and about 4 other people), and the fact that the mod's were getting tired of paying the domain fee.  Good memories there, and honestly I'm going to miss the "Anonymous" and "Honest Facebook" tabs where I could kvetch and b#tch about people in my life (and on Facebook.  Let's just be clear, I know that my line of bulls#it isn't for the great online world.  The Honest FB tab let me get it out about them in relative anonymity and with some impunity.)

Anyway, It's been kind of fun to read'em -better than the political rants, click-bait, and usual noise.  That said, I got my # (3) and posted my responses which I thought fell under the realm of "nobody really knows this about me" which included eating burnt match tips as a kid, my annual "bearding", and about my budding hockey career derailment as a result of the "kissing disease".   As a self-proclaimed open-book, I just don't think I have too many secrets burning a hole in my conscience, much less any "new facts" about me that'd surprise the masses.  On top of that?  I'd write a novel.  Greater than 160 characters.  Ain't nobody got time for that.  And then?  I figure I can do it here.

So here's some snippets that you might not know about me, unless you're a former s.o. or a family member.  There are a few embarrassing things, but nothing so painful that it'll cause a rift anywhere.  I'm still going to attempt to keep it frothy.  Enjoy.  And hopefully you don't know this crap or won't level it against me someday.

Things you may not have previously known about the author:  (If you desperately want any explanations, feel free to comment)

I've had this blog since 2004 (please don't read the historical articles.  They. Are. Terrible.) 

I frequently forget to zip up my zipper.  I have an old joke that I'm "trolling".  What you will.


I've broken my nose 3 times before the 4th grade, mostly engaging in childish Tomfoolery.

I went through a period of time when I really, really needed a lot of cologne. I'd spray that s#it everywhere.  Yes.  Everywhere. 

My 1st kiss was a neighborhood girl that chased me around her house down the street until I tripped.  She then fell on me and sort of headbutt-kissed me.  I viscerally remember it being a cruel act.  She tried adding me as a friend on FB, and I blocked her.  31 years later.

My 1st "real" kiss was in 9th grad at the NVJH Sadie Hawkins Dance.

I have terrific memory that's getting slower as I get older. ( Ex: The 1st thing I bought with a credit card was a black soft-sided briefcase at MOA, August of 1997.  SEE!?)

I have an irrational deep-rooted desire to be liked/accepted.  I care way too much about perception, and my deepest rooted fear is to be called on my bullshit.

I take supplements nearly every day.  I've tried very nearly every supplement out there.

I'm loyal to a fault.  My loyalty is faulty.  I tend to stick around past the born-on date, for better or worse.

I frequently get ready for work in the mornings in the pitch-black dark. 

I frequently prefer showering at night...but I won't lie.  I love showers.

The thing that will put me in a frothy rage is being late and condescension.  And every other driver on the road.  Addendum- I'm an excellent driver.

If I pull up to a 4 way stop at the exact same time as another driver?  I'll go.

I have no love of politics.  People who frequently get frassy about them raise my ire, and simultaneously make me feel bad that I can't construct a decent argument to support my own feels.

I still heed advice given when I was in Junior High and High School.

I had the gap in my front teeth filled in while I was in college.

I wear most articles of clothing, if I really like it, until it disintegrates.  (Mainly jeans, naturally)

Speaking of- I once owned a rainbow plethora of Girbaud jeans.  Dark Blue, White, Blue, Black...I had/have a problem.

I rarely- if ever- buy new clothing.  Lot's of thrift store stuff and Hammy Downs.

Shortly after taking this, I did a major closet purge.  Anything smaller than "XL", anything I haven't worn in 2 years, and basically anything that wasn't a bathrobe, hoodie, or Captain America costume.  What?  YOU don't have a Captain America costume in YOUR closet?  STAY JEALOUS

 

 

 

I can't have any dirty dishes left in my sink.  Can. Not.  I'll do dishes while people are eating.

 

I completely and utterly abhor folding clean laundry.  I pick out what I need from the basket at the foot of my bed.

 



I'm a hopeless sentimental freak.   

 

 

Pictured- top drawer of my nightstand.  Contents?  Bow-ties for my groomsmen from when I was going to get married, hackey sack from college, Boy Scouts "Order of the Arrow" sash, random hat pins, harmonica, love letter written on a receipt roll, notebook page with Russian/English terminology, wooden Rhino from Busch Gardens, and a tiny vial with $7 worth of gold flakes (1983 dollars) from a gold-panning visit in SD.  Not pictured: Contents of the other 2 drawers.  I think that'll be a blog on it's own.  Michael?   Remove smut and prophylactics.

I didn't get a checking (checking, mind) account until I was 20 years old.

My original career plans were forensic pathology, administrative business management, and Public Relations.  When I was in junior high, I considered a military career.

I needed either my dad or brother to help me tie a necktie until I taught myself...when I was 25 years old.

I didn't start doing my own laundry until I started college.  I *still* wash nearly everything on cold-wash and still avoid ironing shirts by throwing them in the dryer with a damp t-shirt.

I learned how to competently drive a manual transmission in my 30's...on a Model A Ford.  And it was for a film shoot.

I have a pretty good judge of character.  Scratch that.  Really good.

I'm not normally known to be a glass-half-empty kind of guy.  However I am always worried the other shoe is gonna drop.  If something good happens?  I'm pretty sure something bad will happen.

I went tanning...fake-baking...from about 1993 to 2005. 

I've been shot by a BB gun twice.  Both are funny stories.

My eating disorder is that I have no "off" switch.  I love food and all of it in my mouth.

I'm a terrible theater person.  Viewing, auditioning, learning new material, writing, getting new headshots.  Terrible.

I really, *really* can't drink hard alcohol.  And with that...

I think that regret is healthy, (dwelling or living in the past-including mistakes- is not.)  In which case, I'm pretty gawdamn regret-healthy.