No worries...curry?

Do you know what I love? Chinese take-out. Lots.

While mired in work, race-training, karate, and rehearsals- dinner is usually me scarfing "fake meat" in the form of veggie buffalo nugs or Morningstar (veggie) turkey burgers? When I'm feeling rushed or have the jones, I'm a cheap take-out whore. It's gotten to the point where, I believe I've mentioned, the guys at Great Dragon know me. (They never ask for my name/number, because clearly I'm the only asshole who orders the mock-duck or spicy garlic broccoli. Oh, and once they had to apologize up and down when they were out of Mock Duck. "You're a Chinese restaurant, man. Who ELSE here eats mock duck- and if it's only been me? How much have I eaten?!?! Don't answer that.")

What I hate (#1) is that I'm so addicted to the take-out. I should (reasonably) be able to make something like that at home for Pete's sake...and I used to cook all the time. And #2- while the food is good and marginally healthy? They put s#it in it that I cannot stand. Namely? Baby corn and mushrooms. (Shudders) If they could only just make it with the "good" stuff (namely- everything except the aforementioned demon bits) then I'd probably marry it. So for the last couple of weeks/months I've been thinking about just making my own at home, except with the things in it I like. (And before you frass- no, I can't have them substitute it or have them make it without the demon bits. I'm not that fussy and can pick around it. SHIVERS!!!)

It's been an age since I've actually cooked/crafted something from scratch, and lest I get rusty and forget the difference between a zester and lemon-press- I knew it was important to put on my big-kid apron and get cooking stat.

Something... other than pasta or chili that sits in the tupperware while I demolish it over the work week, or making something on the grill (Which is fairly elementary. Turn on fire. Drop food on fire. Try not to burn). I wanted to create. I wanted to engage in some mad-scientist cooking shenanigans based solely on what ingredients I had around. Fortunately for me, that meant I had a wealth of veggies leftover from the weekend that fit my ideal of what would make for a "good stir-fry". Moreover? I had the spices/sauces to put together what (in my mind) was going to be a kick-ass curry dish.

As some of my more long-term readers will attest, my "experiments" usually (always) fall weeeell short of how I envision they'll turn out in my brain-movie. Hello. I have become my father.

That's not to say it was an epic failure, but I started making some errors the moment I exited the co-op. I'm blaming the fact that I was just done with my workout, was peckish and therefore running on empty- and even though the co-op is small- it was distracting last night.

THE ORIGINAL IDEA:
Curried vegetables with tofu over jasmine rice.
WHAT I HAD:
Red potatoes, garlic, red bell peppers, spinach, zucchini, tomato, coconut milk, curry paste (and a slew of various curries and spices)
WHAT I NEEDED:
Extra-firm tofu, broccoli, and ginger

HOW I MANAGED TO COCK IT UP:
Apparently I suffered a minor stroke in the produce aisle. I grabbed the ginger, which was really the only thing I remembered. Then I grabbed another Zuke (what?) and some green onion/scallions (my zig-zaggy brain was thinking about making quinoa w/garlic and black beans this weekend). Then I passed over the tofu completely in order to sample some cheese. That was some great cheese! So I doubled back to the produce aisle...feeling like I was forgetting something, but then tossing the sharp goats-milk cheddar in my basket.

Circling the store, I was further buffaloed by their deli selection...Sallying forth only when I mentally made the committment to "making" my dinner versus something pre-packaged...and I still managed to toss the chickpeas w/garlic and spinach in my basket. Leave me alone...I WAS STARVING!!!

Getting home, setting everything out, stepping back, putting my hands on my hips...I started cussing up a blue streak when I realized what I'd forgotten. I stopped long enough only to fuel the fire by imagining the looks from the hippy cashiers as they mutter under their breath "Forgot something the 1st time...eh?" with a little chuckle. Which, in turn, would launch me across the register in an apocolyptic rage and throttle them by their hemp necklace and knit yarn-beanie until the beat me down with sacks of wheat germ.

I was not starting in a happy place. (And the f#ck all thing was that this was the kind of s#it I'd do when Moda and I cooked together. FYI? There IS in fact a huge difference between Kosher Salt and Sea Salt. Not that I'd know. It's on the internet somewhere. So it must be true. Grumble-frass)

Eventually, I talked myself out of going back to the co-op. I knew I didn't really need the tofu per se, and had enough veggies that procuring broccoli was a little moot. So, I started by getting to the chopper and prepping the garlic and ginger. (And here, I will provide photos and instructional commentary. Enjoy)



Sous-Cheffin'. Peel and grate the ginger and peel/finely chop 4 cloves of garlic. Place in an oversized wok (the two-hander procured from Ikea. It...uh...had some dust in it, if that gives you an indication of the last time I used it.) Adding a couple Tbsps of olive oil, sautee the garlic and ginger on low heat while choppa-choppa'ing the rest of your veggies. (De-seed the tomato as well)


I added the potatoes to saute'/soften 1st. It was a cheat, but I had nearly an entire bag of pre-cooked/sliced red tomatoes. I ain't too proud. At this point, I started cheese nibblin'. Sue me. I was multi-tasking (i.e. checking the internet, throwing my dirty gym clothes in the laundry, dog-proofing my bed and couches) before I realized that I should, in fact, babysit the burner...as the ginger/garlic was starting to burn a little. It was also here that I figured that I would be the only one eating it...so f#ck it.


I also tossed in sprinkles of tumeric, vindaloo seasoning, salt, pepper, and hot curry powder to taste.

Step 2, I tossed in the remaining veggies (along with some snap peas for snap) and let them go for a few minutes before emptying the lite coconut milk over the mess and pushing it around for consistency. (Stirring It's called stirring I guess?)

Step 3- toss in the stuff that's most likely to get "wilty" last. There's really no science here. At this point I wondered why I wasn't drinking wine. Then I saw I had that chickpea deli salad? And tossed it riiiight the f#ck in there. Also, I noticed after dropping a dollop of green curry paste in the mix that I had splashed the sauce all down the front of my pants/t-shirt. I considered stripping down and wearing naught but an apron and then taking cheesecake photos. I then remembered that I'd personally make fun of ANYone doing that very same thing if they were sober. AND realized I was sober. AND?!?! Who the hell would I send it to? My family? Weeeeird.

AND AND?!?!? Knowing my luck so far? AL would show up with the dog about the same time I was standing in front of the mirror taking pictures bare-assed and be-apron'ed. No good. Try and make good decisions, friends. At the very least, one's that you won't be embarrassed about later.

Having forgot the jasmine rice, I did manage to rustle up some microwaveable brown rice which I dumped the whole mix on top of. AL did manage to show up 30 minutes early (thankfully after I'd cleaned up) and made the initial comment of "Is there any MEAT in it?" When I responded in the negative, he performed an about face and ran down to Holy Land for some protein. Okay.

He did eventually try some and proclaimed it as "killin'" which surprised the nuts off of me since I figured he'd immediately hate the hell out of it. And even after trying it myself, I was happy enough that it was palatable, and made enough to power me through the week.

Bottom line? Next time? I'm writing my ingredients list in advance. This improv was definitely not funny, but at least it was not painful either.

Lucky me...
:(