Time to come clean

 I'd like to extend an apology.  I'd like to extend an apology to people with feelings who also think, and form opinions, and have considerations, and allergies, and whoever else this applies to.  And, as this outdated mode of communication allows, with the largest amount of sincerity and gravity I can muster.

I'm going to be directing this to a specific set of people.  Those in support of the current administration can go for a walk or have a smoke or whatever.  The people who identify as democratic, liberal, and specifically progressive are who I'll be speaking with, and if other people who don't fall in that category who might find themselves clapping back with opinions and ideas and how they don't whatever about the "D's", then you can probably powder off since I know this message won't affect you either.  You and the supporter's of the administration right now are there, and I'm long-winded enough without trying to reach you.

In the last few years, apologies can't be the little kid -looking at your feet while kicking sand "I'm sorry" that lacks weight or belief that the apologizer understands what it is they're sorry for.  Acknowledgment of the pain, however large or small, needs to come with it.  And also your role in the action.  I know this, because I myself have people that have consciously inflicted pain on me and my family and *will never* apologize or acknowledge it.  

And for knowing that, here is my acknowledgement-

Last week, if you don't count the natural disasters to affect and harm the Midwest, the news cycle was overwhelmed with the elections and the Democratic Vice-Presidential Pick by candidate Joe Biden.  If you identify with being a democratic, specifically one who aligns with that party come election time, the choice of Kamala Harris was- generally- favorably received.   To drill down farther and to unpack even more, if you're `100% good/status quo with this ticket sans reservation- you're good to take a lap and get some fresh air as well.

Now, I fell in the favorable camp.  There were choices and there were early presumptive picks and NY Times opinion articles... but when the announcement was made, the unfortunate flammatory way that social media controls our basic emotional responses- meaning those that were averse to the choice made their voices heard as loudly as they can be across multiple platforms.  I want to assure you that these were read and seen by myself- every meme and article-which added to the angry comment-section leaflet campaign...and if I may- 16 odd years of social media in play, and the minute someone posts a positive, a person invariably comes out with links to articles besmerching what they like- be it music, movies, or- in this case- a ticket that might keep our nation for drowning in ruination.

And what you are saying has merit=  She's too safe, she's transphobic, she's a cop/cop-supporter, she's centrist to a fault, enjoy going back to a police state, she was incarceration happy, and you *must* want this administration to be re-elected if you think this is a good choice.  Which, friends, is to say I'm not mentioning the comments that were pretty horrifyingly racist.  And moreover, where people said "who am I going to write in, then?"...or that they wouldn't.  Vote.  At all.

Now, MY ACKNOWLEDGMENT is that I saw all this discourses and negative feedback and I got fucking mad.  Real mad.  My frustration, well, I'll talk about that in a second.  But I posted and offered some comments here and there of my stunned disbelief that people would just swing and bat away a choice in such a indignant and arbitrary way.   I clapped the fuck back.  And I would skip the memes, those clever memes, and the comments, and the tears, and the smug know-it-allism to sit with *my* friends at *my* table.  Tough shit, people.  Get on the fucking train or freeze at the station.

AND THEN... I saw a couple of comments where I realized I to, need to dial it the fuck back as well.  Because there are people, BIPOC people, LGBTQIA people, who *feel* this very closely.  And because it's politics and as much as it's been IN YOUR FACE for so long, there's probably a significant feeling of being let down.  There are human beings and if I'm here saying you need to care, I'm doing a shit job of caring.

When Senator Sanders dropped out was the first wave- and I remember people were *feeling* the loss of it, and back then I found myself getting angry at those people who suddenly chose to treat all of this as a national day of mourning.  Because what I was seeing, in my sphere, was people responding to the exit, was with antagonism and anger.  Easy, punch down responses.  People saying they were seeing what could have been the most progressive ticket in history lost after Sanders bowed out and because Biden picked Harris, it was a step backwards.  And it stung.  

And these people, a lot of these people, are my friends.  People I actively (when we're not all in the COVID palooza) spend time with, care about, and love.  And right now, at least in the last 4 years, we are all raw.  If you have a beating heart and give a shit about people's feelings then you *should* care about each other now.  It's shitty that a racist, sexual predator was voted into office who- just three years ago- emboldened the oppressive white wing by saying they were good people and we have since seen the uptick of violence against BIPOC people by our police which culminated in a heinous murder caught on camera by police who felt ZERO regard for the life which they were taken.

I'm speaking really broadly here to the body of democratics, liberals, and progressives I co-mingle with, but there was a brief feeling of unified righteous anger of *something* we could all agree on as we wallow in the poison air.  As shitty as the world has been and as divisive as the last four years have been we *at least* could agree that racism was bad and fuck the police.  You don't deserve any derision or contempt on my part for those interactions and so for that-  

I'm truly sorry for being a part in the unproductive discourse.  

 

PART 2-  

Hey, for those I've just apologized to-feel free to take as much time as you need.  You may find benefit in this next part, or not.  Or maybe it'll inflame you and make you think the apology wasn't for shit or maybe you disagree but I'm still unpacking some stuff that I need to clear up.  

 

I think everyone- every person, every person should stop qualifying their support of the Democratic candidates, needs to stop making a point of calling Biden and Harris their second choice or the worse choice.  Variations such as they are "Not their first choice", "They don't like them either, but"...or "I mean, it's blue no matter what, still..." and just needs to stop braying on social media about how much they think it sucks. It's dismissive, puerile, and outside of trumpeting to your own echo chamber-

It's extremely hurtful to the billions of American's who can't take another day of Trump in the White House.  You included. And if we're going to survive we need to take a second to let go of our imagined perfect electoral choices and start driving toward a common goal.  Otherwise we're screwed.

Your feelings are valid.  Your points are valid.  (Except the jesus-christ-do-I-Have-to-say it again except your racist and misogynistic comments.  Or the stupid fucking flat out inaccurate ones...like Harris being a cop? Fucking read something.)  But hey, so are mine.  So are everyone's.  And I'm sorry not fucking sorry but you don't get to build your own candidate.  Every other individual running that was *your* candidate dropped out.  Sanders lost.  Again.  In spite of the endorsement of the super progressive wing of the Democratic house.  Warren, my favorite, gone.  Klobuchar?  She was someone's favorite and shit on by progressives...gone.  

 And you want conspiracy?  Biden didn't stick his neck out to run until the last possible minute...but when an impeachment happened?  It wasn't because he wanted dirt on Sander..wait, on Harri...oh wait...on Butti...Wait...NO  He wanted dirt on Joe Fucking Biden..look, my feeling of loss of Warren and the endorsement of Joe Biden was like...the fastest break-up/turnaround and find a new partner in history.  If, during his first attempt to fuck with an election meant getting impeached, it's a fuck of a thing when it's because someone said- "take Biden seriously". 

I just said "the first time he tried".  How shitty does it have to get?  How privileged do you have to be to run off on fire about your dislike?  It's not a sovereign duty.  It's an opinion.  And Biden is going to be fine.  Like, just fucking fine.

And even after we've been floating through this goddamn awful pandemic and violent/racist Summer of an election year, as SOON as the VP was announced it became:  "Well THIS is going to get Trump re-elected.  Nice work, Democrats!" And people say *I'm* dramatic?

It's not funny any more.  That's some smart hyper-progressive liberal democrat who (probably) would say "I don't even IDENTIFY with the democratic party today!" and would (if this was a FB post) put some horseshit smart ass meme as a response.  And that, peeps, is where I think my unsteady and anxious mental state has landed me, and I'm pretty no I'm 100% fucking right fellow American's as well:  

Your dream candidate does not exist.  You need to get therapy, counseling, a group, whatever- because EVERYONE processing ALL OF OUR things NOW with EVERYTHING AND PANDEMICS makes EVERYTHING harder...like going through fucking puberty except instead of YOU being dramatic- your parents (Trump) literally make everything worse and are deliberately trying to ruin your life GOD mom I'm going to my ROOM!

I hate this version of me.  I hate feeling the only way to get through the division that we're willingly imposing on ourselves and our candidates is to be harder than you.  I hate that people just go right into social media bickerslaps and assume NO one has read SHIT on the candidates and how they have HURT everyone.   If you're acting so self-righteous, Obama wouldn't have made it through a second term

 

Do you think that there is no one who is going to ask them about the parts of their past that are shitty if they're elected?  Or keep ragging on them on Twitter, or on Facebook where your racist Republican relative's won't STOP BEING RACIST after they win so I GUESS THEY NEED YOUR HELP BEFORE THE ELECTION, HUH?    I guess they'll cancel press conferences and shut down reporters and interviews.  I guess y'all will just keep posting pictures of Harris in an unflattering pose with a stupid ass meme from a meme generator or a GIF of Biden calling someone stupid that one time.  And then everyone is going to come back about Biden's stutter, and then you'll come back with sexual misadventures, and then someone will post the Editor's comment from the NY Times when someone asked why they didn't run with the story as soon as it came up and he had to respond with "We literally ran background checks and have to re-check sources.  It's absolutely possible something happened.  And we had absolutely nothing to run because we couldn't verify the story.  Otherwise it'd be the front page."

So just...fucking stop it.  Everyone has a favorite.  Everyone didn't get that toy for Christmas.

 Sloppy seconds.  First place loser.   It makes you sound three times as bad as the other guy because you're smarter than the other guy when you were in diapers, and doing double fucking damage because- wait...

wait...

...you're clearly the only person who didn't get what they wanted.  And we're all stupid sheeple.

ANALOGY!  Remember toward the end of "Fellowship of the Ring" when all the hobbits and the fellowship have lost Gandalf and Boromir is pissed that Aragorn wants to keep pressing forward because there's just no time?  On your feets, Sam.  Let's go.  Let's win. Let's fucking end this together and spend the next four years putting our candidates to work for us.