As I did last year, for the month of October, I'll be focusing on watching movies from the Horror/Thriller/"Skeery Movie" genre. Sure, there'll be other kerflufflins but I've some lofty goals. For example, I'll be checking out some of the Hammer Horror cannon and also re-visiting some of the dreck from my youth. Namely, the complete "Nightmare on Elm Street" and "Friday the 13th" series from beginning to end (No remakes/reimaginings) to see how they hold up and compare between my 13 year old eyes- when I was neck-deep in horror movies-and my jaded thirty (mumble) something something year old eyes. Pip. Growl. Howl. To start, however, let's take a trip to 1980...
We were on the cusp of the great invention of the "serial" horror films ala' "Friday the 13th". The world wasn't really digging the "slasher" genre (meaning it wasn't as popular as it was these days) As such, the films trying to be scary movies typically more "artsy", and less a pulpit to showcase the talent of a makeup artist or FX team (Popularized in the 80's after Rick Baker won a damn Oscar for "American Werewolf in London". Dick Smith had made a name for himself doing make-up jobbies on "The Godfather" and "Taxi Driver", and it's interesting to note that the films I'll be discussing today both have his stamp on them. Another interesting note, is this is also around the time when you started taking notice of the "genre director" (Carpenter, Cronenberg, Craven, etc.).
Altered States
Director Ken Russell was already famous for his B-Movie/Sexploitation flicks , so this "mainstream" film can be seen as somewhat of a departure for him. Especially since it was nominated for a couple of Academy Awards.
Brilliant Psychologist/Professor (William Hurt) floats in a tank, takes drugs, and devolves into a monkey-man (first) then the Michelin Man (I think...) then a hot tub (last) while his wife and co-worker (The accompanist from "Guffman") watch in horror. Hijinks ensue.
It's a solid films that is just the right amount of weird. It straddles the line of "is it all in his head" or "is he really turning primative"? And the decline in his sanity, and how it affects his relationships is played straight- which I felt helped keep the film afloat for what otherwise would be an incredibly stupid and boring premise. (A product of the time, it deals with sensory deprivation...hallucinogens to assist finding the "true self" etc. All you need is a crystal, chanting, a hemp blouse with friends and you're in therapy. I mean this, it a guy floating in a tank. This should not be eerie or scary.) The special effects are great, the visuals are trippy, and it uses thoughtfulness in lieu of jump scares or a terrifying antagonist. My one gripe is a doctor who almost always shouts his lines. "I WILL NOT CONDONE THESE EXPERIMENTS!"/ "YOU DID NOT TURN INTO A MONKEY!!!" You know.
3.5/5
Scanners
Ugh. Considered Cronenberg's mainstream "break through" piece which led to his directing future mindf#ck/bodyf#ck films like "Videodrome" and "The Fly". I only knew the plot, the fantastic box art, and that a guys head essplodes. Great fun!
Some no name homeless dude discovers he has some of the strongest psychic powers (telekinesis, telepathy, pyrokinesis et.al) and is one of many who have the same abilities called "Scanners". He and his ilk are being hunted by that dude who seems angry in most movies he'd done like "Total Recall" and "Highlander II" and it's only a matter of time before the eventual showdown. Hijinks ensue.
Slow. That's how my roommate described it, and I have to agree. The biggest gripe I have is the same dang problem I have with almost all films that deal with "mind" powers- The actor looks constipated, shake their head a lot, touch their temple occasionally, bug their eyes out, and something happens. It just looks kind of goofy. (And anyone who watched Matt Parkman on "Heroes" knows what I'm talking about) Now, there are some interesting elements in the story (pregnant women took an experimental drug which caused the Scanners to begin with, a Doctor who helps train the lead to "scan", and a brief plot twist at the end. And of course...the aforementioned head explosion.) But invariably it plods along, using lead actors who are about as charismatic as cotton balls. Probably not worth the time to even rent unless you're into the SFX.
I was bored.
1.5/5
Monday, September 19, 2011
Friday, September 09, 2011
Autumnal Harvest
I was right...
It has been a s#itty growing season. To be fair, there are probably a lot of factors involved and the fact is that since starting the garden we've had a couple of wimby-wimby harvests. Still, I've been as diligent as I can be and so far it's been a mild disappointment. Not huge. Just the"Awwww. Shoot" kind.
In the interest of focusing on the positive, the cherry heirlooms have been a steady source of produce and support, and the herbs have consistently stayed fruitful. We've had a few heirlooms come out (however there are still about 20 or so on the vine that are still GREEN!) I think the squash is almost ready, but outside of a few gardening websites I researched, I can't be sure if they're good to go. The jalapenos and zukes finally produced, and one (pictured below) made it's way into a nice grilled mess, but the 2nd (and last one I had) I dropped on the ground on my way out to the car and BOOM it exploded. (Not, like, "broken and bruised"...it flat out exploded) On another positive note, the flowers in the front planter have remained bright and thick. I may stick with them again next year after the initial tulip burst dies out.
I'm hoping to have some more pictures and produce as the season changes, but I'm thinking that I'm going to write off 2011 as a "bad growing season". Moda picked up some special grass to plant once the garden is torn up, and with the roommate diligently turning the composter I think we'll have a nice fertile area to play with in 2012. Fingers crossed that we don't get gobsmacked with snow so we can get the leaf covering down. Bon Appetit...
Inexplicable. I've barely watered these and they were nigh on overrun with weeds until I took care of business. And they done blown up!
I'll let you pretend that that doesn't look delicious. With goat cheese, a little balsamic vinegar and basil? Yum.
Broccoli, heirlooms/cherry heirlooms, and the zuke.
JALAPENOS!!! I gave one to my co-worker, and so she can make "an" popper. (I'm betting these guys'll be hot. The banana peppers have face-melting properties...)
It has been a s#itty growing season. To be fair, there are probably a lot of factors involved and the fact is that since starting the garden we've had a couple of wimby-wimby harvests. Still, I've been as diligent as I can be and so far it's been a mild disappointment. Not huge. Just the"Awwww. Shoot" kind.
In the interest of focusing on the positive, the cherry heirlooms have been a steady source of produce and support, and the herbs have consistently stayed fruitful. We've had a few heirlooms come out (however there are still about 20 or so on the vine that are still GREEN!) I think the squash is almost ready, but outside of a few gardening websites I researched, I can't be sure if they're good to go. The jalapenos and zukes finally produced, and one (pictured below) made it's way into a nice grilled mess, but the 2nd (and last one I had) I dropped on the ground on my way out to the car and BOOM it exploded. (Not, like, "broken and bruised"...it flat out exploded) On another positive note, the flowers in the front planter have remained bright and thick. I may stick with them again next year after the initial tulip burst dies out.
I'm hoping to have some more pictures and produce as the season changes, but I'm thinking that I'm going to write off 2011 as a "bad growing season". Moda picked up some special grass to plant once the garden is torn up, and with the roommate diligently turning the composter I think we'll have a nice fertile area to play with in 2012. Fingers crossed that we don't get gobsmacked with snow so we can get the leaf covering down. Bon Appetit...
Inexplicable. I've barely watered these and they were nigh on overrun with weeds until I took care of business. And they done blown up!
I'll let you pretend that that doesn't look delicious. With goat cheese, a little balsamic vinegar and basil? Yum.
Broccoli, heirlooms/cherry heirlooms, and the zuke.
JALAPENOS!!! I gave one to my co-worker, and so she can make "an" popper. (I'm betting these guys'll be hot. The banana peppers have face-melting properties...)
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
Two Fairs, back to back= Insanity
What...what the natural heck was I thinking? I'm really not into masochistic acts perpetrated on my self, so in what parallel world did the "Evil" Mikey think hitting two crowded ass MN past times over Labor Day weekend was a good idea? I just hope that twin has a Van Dyke mustache, leers a lot, and is thinner. Probably huffs spray paint.
Annnnyway. This is what happens when you wait until the closing end of the State Fair, I guess. Well, that and the fact that my #1 companion Momo doesn't like to Gogo to the Fair and has been eyes deep in Tech/Rehearsal. #2 companion (Mom) wasn't too interested. And a few of my other buddies w/o day jobs had already gone during the weekdays leaving me, and my ridiculous need to get my annual mega-crowd fix on. (And really, I start to really yearn for the deep-fried turkey sammich by June...and since the dumb thing is now at the Twins Stadium I can get that craving out of the way any old time. What I'm saying is, my reasons for actually fighting the unwashed masses diminished significantly...And also...finding out you can get most Fair Food pretty much year round. Which I knew. But still...)
I put the call out on FB for a Fair Date, and had a few nibbles but was prepared to retire the notion of tandem/group Fair visits and see how I'd do flying solo. And when mentioning it the night before, my roommate started grilling me as to the "what time I was leaving" etc. before asking if it was okay if he tagged along. And I said "Okay".
And for folks who know the Bean, and his peccadilloes regarding crowds of more than 4-5 people? Please know that this is pretty amazing.
Pictured. Apparently the 3rd most crowded/highest attended Fair day. Also, see those deep fried pickles? Longest damn line, ever.
Of course I did the smart thing and rousted my ass up for a nice 7 mile trot before we left to get the metabolism moving in preparation, and then Bean and I found the closest park and ride to our house & began our adventure. Sufficed to say...we had a really nice time. He was a capable companion, nimbly navigating the crowds and "keeping up" with Mikey Longshanks. He didn't judge me for wanting a 10am beer with my Pronto Pup. We picked opportune times to find shady areas to rest/get away from the crowds. We shared all sharable dishes. Took pictures when asked. Let me make juvenile dick jokes when we visited the poultry barn. And was trying to be helpful in finding the Surly Booth, even though we couldn't find it. All told, we managed to stay for nearly 4-5 hours before hitting a wall and skiddadling.
Unfortunately, my camera died before I could document a lions share of the insanity that was milling about Falcon Heights that day (Or the dishes we enjoyed.) So I hope the list and these few will give you a taste...a taste of that dirty, dirty Fair. See you next year.
We et/drunk:
Pronto Pup, Elk Burger, Deep Fried Turkey Sammich, New Zealand King Potatoes, Deep Fried Crab Fritters (New, and a winner), 2 Nordeasters, and a Summit. Urp.
Not often you find an adult with the Fraggle Hair. Pictured with 10am beer. And easily-identifiable bandana of strength.
Bean found a quiet corner to recharge in Heritage Square. Mom told me it looks like he's having a time out. Which to be fair, he kinda is.
Camera p#ssed out before I could get a ton of the obnoxious novelty t-shirts. And what better statement at an event that revels in Bacchanalian amounts of excess...
Hipster T-Shirts never say die...
The metabolism revver wound up being our hauling our buns up and early for a festive jaunt to the Victory 10K to support D-Gangs and FeeJ, before cleaning up and heading to Shack-of-Pee...and eagerly anticipated 16th Century Shenanigans. While the Belly-Dancing weekend isn't my tip-top fave (and my partiality to the cooler late-Autumn weather) we managed to get a beautiful sunny day...and Mo full of mischief. ("If they're going to heckle me? I'll see their heckle and raise!") Said mischief wasn't too bad, and was usually relegated to finding people who made good photo-ops, and my standing next to them as she pretended to take my picture while covertly snapping them.
I have now entered the pantheon of d-bags who make stupid jokes regarding their biceps around signs that say "Blah de blah bans guns on the premises." I make no apologies. We were having fun.
Meal #1- Veggie Samosas (a little dry and lacking veggies), Curry chicken (delightful), Schell's Oktoberfest and a Guiness. What did you think we were having for breakfast?
Honestly...I don't know why this was an important picture. I just thought Mo asking me to pose by it and "look serious" to be hilarious.
Oh...what? Look similar to the one I snapped at the State Fair? And they are evvvverywhere at Fest.
Pictured: Microencephalitic finally finds a hat that makes my head look normal, albeit mildly double-chinned. And it sorted me into "Sandwichdor" or "Gryffinbeer" or some stuff.
Here's the thing...coming in costume is encouraged. KT told me that when she was working out there people wouldn't just try and keep it within the time period...but that people would show up dressed as Darth Vader...a Storm Trooper. (My roommate told me that, long ago, he went in drag as a Geisha. Don't ask, because I didn't) And hey, more power to them. This guy? We called him "Sir Menards from Pressed Tinsville"...based solely on the location of where he acquired his materials. I know, right? It's 85 degrees, btw...and I was swassing like mad.
Aren't we fun? We hug. We love. We huzzah. And we-meaning the royal "me"- still stands by my (appropriated) opinion that Mead tastes like a drunken-diabetics p#ss...no matter if it's iced or not.
Annnnyway. This is what happens when you wait until the closing end of the State Fair, I guess. Well, that and the fact that my #1 companion Momo doesn't like to Gogo to the Fair and has been eyes deep in Tech/Rehearsal. #2 companion (Mom) wasn't too interested. And a few of my other buddies w/o day jobs had already gone during the weekdays leaving me, and my ridiculous need to get my annual mega-crowd fix on. (And really, I start to really yearn for the deep-fried turkey sammich by June...and since the dumb thing is now at the Twins Stadium I can get that craving out of the way any old time. What I'm saying is, my reasons for actually fighting the unwashed masses diminished significantly...And also...finding out you can get most Fair Food pretty much year round. Which I knew. But still...)
I put the call out on FB for a Fair Date, and had a few nibbles but was prepared to retire the notion of tandem/group Fair visits and see how I'd do flying solo. And when mentioning it the night before, my roommate started grilling me as to the "what time I was leaving" etc. before asking if it was okay if he tagged along. And I said "Okay".
And for folks who know the Bean, and his peccadilloes regarding crowds of more than 4-5 people? Please know that this is pretty amazing.
Pictured. Apparently the 3rd most crowded/highest attended Fair day. Also, see those deep fried pickles? Longest damn line, ever.Of course I did the smart thing and rousted my ass up for a nice 7 mile trot before we left to get the metabolism moving in preparation, and then Bean and I found the closest park and ride to our house & began our adventure. Sufficed to say...we had a really nice time. He was a capable companion, nimbly navigating the crowds and "keeping up" with Mikey Longshanks. He didn't judge me for wanting a 10am beer with my Pronto Pup. We picked opportune times to find shady areas to rest/get away from the crowds. We shared all sharable dishes. Took pictures when asked. Let me make juvenile dick jokes when we visited the poultry barn. And was trying to be helpful in finding the Surly Booth, even though we couldn't find it. All told, we managed to stay for nearly 4-5 hours before hitting a wall and skiddadling.
Unfortunately, my camera died before I could document a lions share of the insanity that was milling about Falcon Heights that day (Or the dishes we enjoyed.) So I hope the list and these few will give you a taste...a taste of that dirty, dirty Fair. See you next year.
We et/drunk:
Pronto Pup, Elk Burger, Deep Fried Turkey Sammich, New Zealand King Potatoes, Deep Fried Crab Fritters (New, and a winner), 2 Nordeasters, and a Summit. Urp.
Not often you find an adult with the Fraggle Hair. Pictured with 10am beer. And easily-identifiable bandana of strength.
Bean found a quiet corner to recharge in Heritage Square. Mom told me it looks like he's having a time out. Which to be fair, he kinda is. 
Camera p#ssed out before I could get a ton of the obnoxious novelty t-shirts. And what better statement at an event that revels in Bacchanalian amounts of excess...The MN Renaissance Festival... (Monday, September 5th)
Hoping to capitalize on her brief days off during tech, I was able to corral Companion #1 for a Labor Day Renaissance Festival Jaunt. (FYI- Sign up for Groupon/Star Tribune Steals...etc. We snagged a sweet discount on two-fer tickets. Very cost effective)
Hoping to capitalize on her brief days off during tech, I was able to corral Companion #1 for a Labor Day Renaissance Festival Jaunt. (FYI- Sign up for Groupon/Star Tribune Steals...etc. We snagged a sweet discount on two-fer tickets. Very cost effective)
Hipster T-Shirts never say die...
The metabolism revver wound up being our hauling our buns up and early for a festive jaunt to the Victory 10K to support D-Gangs and FeeJ, before cleaning up and heading to Shack-of-Pee...and eagerly anticipated 16th Century Shenanigans. While the Belly-Dancing weekend isn't my tip-top fave (and my partiality to the cooler late-Autumn weather) we managed to get a beautiful sunny day...and Mo full of mischief. ("If they're going to heckle me? I'll see their heckle and raise!") Said mischief wasn't too bad, and was usually relegated to finding people who made good photo-ops, and my standing next to them as she pretended to take my picture while covertly snapping them.
We were joined by Davey and KT, and had another really wonderful day. (And we stayed 3 x's the amount of time we were out there last year!) We ended up running into a gaggle of friends who decided that Monday was also their day of Renning- And later on left tired, with sore and dirty feet... full, and happy that we all took turns petting a python. (No Jon Voight's were harmed during the day, I hear)
The end of day nibble tally: Chindian food (Curry chicken and Veggie Samosas), shared Turkey leg, Chicken Wild Rice Soup in a bread bowl, Apple pie ala mode, Sweet Potato Fries, Egyptian/Raspberry Mead...and many, many beers. (Not Root Beer. "What?!? Are you on your PERIOD!?!?" That's my girl.) Anyway, if you need me I'll be in the corner popping Prilosec with a Pepto chaser...
I have now entered the pantheon of d-bags who make stupid jokes regarding their biceps around signs that say "Blah de blah bans guns on the premises." I make no apologies. We were having fun.
Meal #1- Veggie Samosas (a little dry and lacking veggies), Curry chicken (delightful), Schell's Oktoberfest and a Guiness. What did you think we were having for breakfast?
Honestly...I don't know why this was an important picture. I just thought Mo asking me to pose by it and "look serious" to be hilarious.
Oh...what? Look similar to the one I snapped at the State Fair? And they are evvvverywhere at Fest.
Pictured: Microencephalitic finally finds a hat that makes my head look normal, albeit mildly double-chinned. And it sorted me into "Sandwichdor" or "Gryffinbeer" or some stuff.
Here's the thing...coming in costume is encouraged. KT told me that when she was working out there people wouldn't just try and keep it within the time period...but that people would show up dressed as Darth Vader...a Storm Trooper. (My roommate told me that, long ago, he went in drag as a Geisha. Don't ask, because I didn't) And hey, more power to them. This guy? We called him "Sir Menards from Pressed Tinsville"...based solely on the location of where he acquired his materials. I know, right? It's 85 degrees, btw...and I was swassing like mad.
Aren't we fun? We hug. We love. We huzzah. And we-meaning the royal "me"- still stands by my (appropriated) opinion that Mead tastes like a drunken-diabetics p#ss...no matter if it's iced or not.
DVD Mini-reviews!!!
***Mini-Reviews! I've had a chance to clean up my queue and digest a few titles I've been wanting to check out for a while now. All are available on Netflix and probably in the "previously viewed" DVD bin at your closing DVD Rental Store. Which is probably a good chance to stock up on previously viewed DVD p0rn and not have to venture into an adult bookstore or feel skeevy that the employee's will recognize you with your copy of "The Boobyguard" sandwiched between "Legally Blonde" and "National Treasure"...heh. Anyway, I'll put my "recommends" first and the shut-offs last.
Where the Truth Lies
A solid thriller with Mr. Darcy and the Bacon. Nothing challenging, but if you're in the mood for a solid murder-mystery (with a metric ton of nudity) then this'll be your game. 4/5
High Plains Drifter
Yeah. The old-timey western that Clint the Squint directed. What really elevated this one is the supernatural bent. (ICYC, it's the one where he has the townies paint the town literally red.) Is he or isn't he an avenging angel, demon, whatever. Really, this along with "Josey Wales" are two excellent genre films and would make for a great double/triple feature with "Unforgiven". 4.5/5
Never Let Me Go
I wanted to see what all the fuss was about this "elevated" Oscar Nominated sci-fi movie. And boy, is it pretty with a killer hook. (Kids are cloned and grow up until they reach a certain age when they turn into donors. Think "Logan's Run" meets "The Island" with less bullshit and more Ang Lee thoughtfulness) And it is pretty. And deep. And ultimately kind of really depressing. So much like I like ridiculous comedies, I don't like bleak. 3.5/5
Reno 911: Miami
Another stupid comedy that's my kind of funny. I'd caught a few episodes back when I had Comedy Central and "got" the funny "Cops" style mockumentary filming. And really, you don't need a lot of backstory to understand this one. That said, I know that this and stuff like "The State" aren't for everyone- and that's cool. I ended up laughing my ass off a few times, but I also am a fan of ridiculous. 3.5/5
SKIP THESE...I took a BULLET for you, people!!!
Cedar Rapids
I liked the cast. I like the foxy flight attendant. (Hi, Tracy!) But again, it was a bunch of ideas strung together from better films. Here's the bottom line- The Midwesterner being treated like a dipshit flipper baby is tired. John C. Reilly doing a Will Ferrell impression is a little old. A decent bit about crashing a gay-marriage party and a meta-joke about "The Wire" by a former "Wire" cast member ultimately wasn't enough to make this memorable or a keeper.
Alexander: Directors Cut
I wanted sword/sandals/spectacle. I wanted to know if it was either as bad as folks thought, or a masterpiece. (Which someone said it was decent) It was crap. When a mid-film sex scene fails to tittilate and becomes the exact moment I shut it off, should tell you something. Epic fail, for an epic movie.
The Adjustment Bureau
Boo. Crap. Nothing to see here. Charming characters? Okay. A dippy premise? Check. (C'MON! They have HATS...that help them go from place to place quickly. Someone typed that and thought it'd be a great plot device.) I won't violently denounce this, but it was so "meh" it feels like I wasted a night watching it.
Super
I'd love to find the article that talks about audiences getting bored putting Super-Heros in "real-world" settings. I may have made the error of having watched "Kick-Ass" the week before. (A better, fun ,bloody, goofy romp.) I ended up shutting this off as well. Juno being Juno, Bacon being smarmy (Which, again, see "Where the Truth Lies" for a better film. Or "X-Men: First Class"), and Dwight Schrute making the same Dwight Schrute faces just bored me.
Where the Truth Lies
A solid thriller with Mr. Darcy and the Bacon. Nothing challenging, but if you're in the mood for a solid murder-mystery (with a metric ton of nudity) then this'll be your game. 4/5
High Plains Drifter
Yeah. The old-timey western that Clint the Squint directed. What really elevated this one is the supernatural bent. (ICYC, it's the one where he has the townies paint the town literally red.) Is he or isn't he an avenging angel, demon, whatever. Really, this along with "Josey Wales" are two excellent genre films and would make for a great double/triple feature with "Unforgiven". 4.5/5
Never Let Me Go
I wanted to see what all the fuss was about this "elevated" Oscar Nominated sci-fi movie. And boy, is it pretty with a killer hook. (Kids are cloned and grow up until they reach a certain age when they turn into donors. Think "Logan's Run" meets "The Island" with less bullshit and more Ang Lee thoughtfulness) And it is pretty. And deep. And ultimately kind of really depressing. So much like I like ridiculous comedies, I don't like bleak. 3.5/5
Reno 911: Miami
Another stupid comedy that's my kind of funny. I'd caught a few episodes back when I had Comedy Central and "got" the funny "Cops" style mockumentary filming. And really, you don't need a lot of backstory to understand this one. That said, I know that this and stuff like "The State" aren't for everyone- and that's cool. I ended up laughing my ass off a few times, but I also am a fan of ridiculous. 3.5/5
SKIP THESE...I took a BULLET for you, people!!!
Cedar Rapids
I liked the cast. I like the foxy flight attendant. (Hi, Tracy!) But again, it was a bunch of ideas strung together from better films. Here's the bottom line- The Midwesterner being treated like a dipshit flipper baby is tired. John C. Reilly doing a Will Ferrell impression is a little old. A decent bit about crashing a gay-marriage party and a meta-joke about "The Wire" by a former "Wire" cast member ultimately wasn't enough to make this memorable or a keeper.
Alexander: Directors Cut
I wanted sword/sandals/spectacle. I wanted to know if it was either as bad as folks thought, or a masterpiece. (Which someone said it was decent) It was crap. When a mid-film sex scene fails to tittilate and becomes the exact moment I shut it off, should tell you something. Epic fail, for an epic movie.
The Adjustment Bureau
Boo. Crap. Nothing to see here. Charming characters? Okay. A dippy premise? Check. (C'MON! They have HATS...that help them go from place to place quickly. Someone typed that and thought it'd be a great plot device.) I won't violently denounce this, but it was so "meh" it feels like I wasted a night watching it.
Super
I'd love to find the article that talks about audiences getting bored putting Super-Heros in "real-world" settings. I may have made the error of having watched "Kick-Ass" the week before. (A better, fun ,bloody, goofy romp.) I ended up shutting this off as well. Juno being Juno, Bacon being smarmy (Which, again, see "Where the Truth Lies" for a better film. Or "X-Men: First Class"), and Dwight Schrute making the same Dwight Schrute faces just bored me.
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