Sunday, March 29, 2020

Random surprise fact from my past...Go Go Go Lion, you know what they say.

Did I ever tell you about why the Voltron cartoon really, really burned into my memory as a kid...like Icarus flying to close to the sun...I flew too close to a toy with a price tag around $50.


See, we had been exposed to the Shogun Warrior giant plastic robot toys and cartoons but again- that's all they were to me.   And way back before Toys R Us, Children's Palace, or even the little mall places like Kay Bee Toy and Hobby, there was this one niche toy and model store located in this tiny mall near Brookdale.  (That housed one of the 1st "Good Earth's", Jerry Leonard's Big and Tall, and a Nutri-System store.)  I have forgotten the name of this place with the weird brain games, only remember the store smelled like model glue, paint, and plastic and that my dad and mom would drop us off to stare for a while, and we'd always gravitate toward the EXPENSIVE TOYS that were die-cast and could TRANSFORM.  (Transformer's were around, but whoever imported shit for this store probably had been to Japan and so seeing a YELLOW OPTIMUS PRIME WITH A WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT KANJI SAY? was mind-boggling.)    

The store was great to greedy kids, and if I hadn't already mentioned it was so expensive you couldn't dream of even mentioning with a needy tone one of their toys (We may have managed a small WW 2 model at one point), but suddenly here we are in 1985 and I've seen the Voltron cartoon over and over and I'm at the Target in Crystal (aka "Target #2" or the SECOND ONE EVER per Target Corporate.  With the McGlynn's bakery in front.)  with mom and dad and there... in the Toy Aisle, where many crying fits of "I WANT" had happened over the intervening years...on the very bottom shelf where EXPENSIVE TARGET TOYS lived like the Millennium Falcon and the USS Flagg...was a box with a 5 piece plastic/die-cast VOLTRON and you could OPEN THE BOX and see the toys inside. 

I cried.  I spazzed.  I was THAT KID...And I obviously greatly angered my mother and father which didn't mean they yelled but became very...very quiet.  But dad, in his infinite wisdom...or something...had me take him for a walk and (by request) CALMLY explain to him why I NEEDED Voltron to live and why it was the LAST TOY I'd EVER ask for and I SWORE I'd never NEED another toy EXCEPT FOR VOLTRON.  He made me promise and he put it in the cart with kind of solemnity that goes with moving a holy relic and I don't think I've had more than a handful of times of feeling that kind of triumphant ebullient success in my whole life.

I played the shit out of that toy.  And about 2 weeks later I stripped a part and broke Green Lion's tail so it couldn't connect.  Eventually Yellow Lion wouldn't even hold up the robot and I stopped playing with it entirely.  To their credit, mom and dad never made it an issue. 

Except:

About 2 years later, Toy producers got wise and made and actual Voltron toy that came with corresponding action figures.  I knew I didn't have a chance, but mom grabbed Red Lion and a Keith after seeing them on a clearance shelf at Fleet Farm...but they succccccked. I think I left the lion in the box.

bout 5 months later they also released the "Vehicle Voltron".   A $75 dollar monster comprised of about 15 Hot Wheels that turned into a giant Robot.  Again, Transformers had already been suckering the public with Constructicons et.al.  But as soon as I saw it I felt my dad's hand on my back steering me away and saying:  "No".

Doogie Howser post script:   I'd also like to say that while they never made it an "issue" to my younger self, "Voltron" became their de facto analogy whenever I complained as a teenager, or was particularly covetous...and this shit lasted into my 30's.  "Mikey...d'you remember that time you wanted Voltron at the Crystal Target?"

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