It's chilly...time for chili...

I'm a good cook.

No no...it's true. I was going to start a cooking show called "The Cathartic Gourmet" (This was after a dissolution of an old relationship where I told a friend that I lose a lot of weight when I go through break-ups and he told me that he ends up cooking. A lot. I dunno...I just a funny image of a guy with flour all over his face and tears streaming down while using a tenderizing meat hammer to reduce a chicken breast to crepe' size while preparing chicken piccata. What? It's how the gears spin.) I'm kidding. If Moda weren't around and left to my own devices I'd probably be living off of Boca, or home made bean burritos. Or pestering Redwright for dinner like a needy dog scratching to get in.

So here I have amassed a few impressive (and impressive looking) kitchen tools, but the one I always seem to get mileage out of and retain my laissez faire attitude toward preparation (i.e. I'm lazy) is my crock pot. So here's an easy veggie chili recipe to stave off the bone numbing MN chill that I learned about 4-5 years ago and have been steadily making my own subtle improvements on. (2 caveats- First? I don't ususually dig manhandling the beef, dig? I can grill stuff pre-made in patty format, but yeargh. I keep thinking I'll find a hair. And even if you are omnivorous it still tastes fine. And is healthy. The 2nd caveat is there is a sort of punch line at the end of all this. Oh, wait...3rd caveat? I've only made chili. One of these days I'll make "Plop Plop Chicken", I promise, but if you have any additional recipes on hand I'll take'em.)

Easy-Make Vegetarian Chili, for glorious doi!

Ingredients:
-24 oz can of petite diced tomato
-4 cans of assorted beans (Black beans, white kidney, dark red kidney, hot chili beans, etc)
-1/2 package of Morningstar veggie crumbles
-1/2 large onion chopped
-2 tbsps chili powder 2 tbsps cumin powder 1 tbsps cinnamon
-1 cup of beer *
-4 tbsps olive oil (2 for the pot, 2 for the pan)
-Splash of red wine, Splashes of Tabasco
-NEW INGREDIENTS AS OF 1/25/2010----1 small can diced tomatoes and 1 can extra beans.**

Sautee' onion in pan w/olive oil until onions start to get a little transluscent then add the splash of wine*** to get the good smells going. Add the crumbles and allow to defrost adequetly but not get "browned" ****

Add 2 tbsps of olive oil to the crock pot, then add drained beans and diced tomato. (Draining will prevent a soupier chili*****) Add seasonings, crumbles/onion mixture, and beer. Mix Mix, Stir Stir, Married Young, it's all a blur. Leave it alone for several hours, checking and stirring periodically. (Or high for less time) Makes 8-10 servings depending on how gassy you mind being. Feel free to store it in tupperware in your fridge/freezer for easy lunches.


*Clearly my cooking options need to serve as a vehicle to cocktail, as you are able to finish the beer. Creating a relaxing atmosphere helps to make the sensual experience of cooking a memorable one. Clearly.

**So, um...You gotta, like, test the chili. Periodically. And if you have a "helper" that may need to try it you'll notice a marked reduction in how much chili you have. Tossing in an extra can will help replenish. Doi.

***Early FAIL #1? I'd brown Boca patties on the stove top and break them up. Y0u know. Like it was "real" hamburger. It wasn't until I was introduced to the Morningstar crumbles that I sidestepped that. (And get Boca crumbles if that's your thing) Oddly enough, my roommate preferred that method. Not oddly if you know my roommate. Sauteeing the chopped onion was another

****Clearly. I'll see if a future foray into pasta with a vodka sauce just winds up degenerating into a martini party.

*****Early FAIL #2? I didn't drain the cans and used a whole can of beer. And added chopped cilantro. It winded up looking like a bubbly, beany, soupy stew. I heard tell that corn starch would thicken it up a bit so I kept adding and stirring until the consistency got better...then left it.

It wound up the consistency of drying kindergarden paste. That was the year I ruined the Super Bowl.



ps- I tend to eyeball the chili powder/Tabasco etc. The measurements...for what their worth...are kind of malarkey.

I think I need to own...

This-

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002SF9YMU?ie=UTF8&tag=aintitcooln07-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B002SF9YMU

I have a half birthday in June...I can has?

Fun at the Carnivale'...

So we've just finished season 1 of "Big Love" and have started season 2 of "Carnivale'". I like the latter a little more than the former ("BL" seems to have an epic-assed story arc while the creepy supernatural vibe of "C" appeals to my nerdliness. That and the fact that Kurgan is playing Brother Justin) I think they do a good job with keeping the period accurate as well- (Save for the fact that I noticed when someone was opening a letter it had the little plastic front for the address. ANACHRONISM'D!)

But last night they had a hum-dinger of a contrivance that couldn't help make me laugh. Sampson (The lead carny played by the Twin Peaks backwards-walking widgie) already has kind of a shouty way of talking as it is. Well he's here organizing a search party and doing a "roll call" of the rousties to go do the searching when he bellows off some of the most stupidly stereotypical nicknames the writers thought roustabouts in the 30's probably had. ("OKAY LISTEN UP! I'll need Warsh, Tugboat, Sneaky Pete, Asphault, and Jim to come with me!")

Right? It was like having a character named "Brooklyn" in every war movie (Including "The Patriot"...and I'm fairly certain there was a "MacBrooklyn" in "Braveheart") because you gotta have a Brooklyn...usually a corporal, you know?

So we sat there on the couch giggling and rattling off a stream of consiousness of other nicknames carnies and rousties in the 30's might have had.

<---- Nerds

We geeks get the point...

So, you ever notice that they seem to retell Batman's origin story almost every time they have a new story line come out, or limited series? I mean, Aboriginal villagers in the bush can probably tell you what it is, whether or not they agree with the choice that he was watching the film "Zorro" the night his parents were shot or if he was attending "Die Fledermaus".

I only bring this up b/c I found an old one-shot issue from 2001 that someone gave me as a going away gift at the bottom of my Japanese chest that resides on the foot of my bed...and I crap you not- Origin story. "The Dark Knight Returns"? Origin story. "Batman goes to White Castle"...definitely room for an origin story.

Never too late to peeeemp your show...

Hey all-

I've been a busy bee this last few weeks cramming lines and rehearsal so I apologize for the delay. If you have nothing to do come see this new work that has got me sweating bullets. As Victor Mancini in "Choke" sez: "I'm the backbone of Colonial America". Right. Back to bullet sweating and line/note reading.


A Candid World

Written by Dawn Brodey

Directed by Ellen Fenster

Featuring Mike Postle, Amy Schweikhardt, Julie Madden, Matt Boatright-Simon, Clarence Wethern, and Nathan Tylutki


John Adams said, "Let me search for the clue which led great Shakespeare into the labyrinth of human nature. Let me examine how men think." Set in a restricted theater in New York, 1776, A Candid World tells the story of a family, a slave, and a country who are all trying to navigate the struggles which accompany independence.

Performance Schedule:

Tuesday, January 19 at 7pm
Friday, January 22 at 7pm
Saturday, January 23 at 7pm
Sunday, January 24 at 7pm


For tickets, call the box office at 612-339-4944
or order online at www.illusiontheater.org.