Go figure, again....

I loved this movie...'specially when James Hong does that thing with his thumbs? "Ngngngngngngngngngngng"

Yeah...That's cool.



The Pork Chop Express.

Which B-Movie Badass Are You?
brought to you by

Oh....Child.

A 4th grade paper, by yours truly. (circa 1984) Feel free to discuss influences. This paper was written in lieu of your typical "What I did on my summer vacation". As it happens, my mom took my brother and I to the theatre to see "Ghostbusters"...twice. I've fixed the paper, in the sense that I've added my teacher's grammar/punctuation corrections, but left others as I felt they were just too cute. The remaining paper remains...in tact. This should give y'all an inkling of the weirdo I was to become.

Thou Self
(Catchy title, yes?)

by ___y____
Gr. 4
Room 12


My name is ___________. I am 9 1/2, going on 10 years old. When I was a child, I had a great feeling that I would be full of creativity in the upcoming years, and so I am.

An elementary student, I have had lots of adventures. In 2nd grade, I made a volcano, and I knew that fame was my destiny. Now in the 4th grade, my new teacher is Mr. _____. Then I learned a lot of martial arts. For instance, Judo, Akido, Ninja, and Karatae.

My favorite food is pizza, and my favorite drink is Mountain Dew. A weak spot is my stomach.

Right now, I am making a movie called Ghostbusters II. I like watching TV. My father's name is _________ (The same as me). My mother's name is ________ and my brothers name is __________. I have one pet and that is a ferret named Grodie. My best friend is Matt. I am the smartest one in my class. My brain rank is #1. I have a very happy, super-duper life.



-Yes, I spelled my 1st name in the kiddie vernacular of "key".
-Yes, I know that I misspelled "karate". It was how it was spelled on the cologne bottle.
-My favorite food is pizza and drink is Mt.Dew? Got that right. This is why I was a titch heavy.
-Funny that Ghostbusters 2 was go released 5 years later. Mine would have been cooler. ; )
-Yes, we had a ferret named Grodie. He replaced the 1st one named "Odie". Ooooooo.
-I think that the idea of my stomach being a "weak spot" was due to a biography I read about Harry Houdini, who it is rumored had died from getting punched in the stomach. Or maybe it was a weak spot because I loved food.

-I wasn't the smartest one, but close. This paper put me in the "creative students media center program". (I think that they wanted me to be in either that, or special Ed. ) Me and a few other 4th grade "indoor kids" took field trips to plays, the Science Museum, a animal dissection lab. I hated it. I faked strep for 3 weeks so I didn't have to go back to school.

It was in the "Creative Students Media Center Program" my mom saved where I found the paper.

That little putz sure thought a lot of himself.

Bavarian Walrus Flu....

So. In light of recent current events...I'm still kinda shook up over this "Bird Flu".

Bird Flu. I mean, why couldn't they have given it a really mean and forboding name. Hell, spin the story so that the animal is a bit more menacing. Like "Great White Shark Flu", or "Water Buffalo Flu". Heck.... "Black Widow" flu. I mean, fuck...people are at least scared of spiders.

Frickin' England had Rats spread the plague for cryin' out loud...and rats are at least grody. I mean c'mon? Do you think we'll get it here anyway? I mean, I don't think I'm alone in thinking that the worst season for colds and flu in MN also happens to coincide with our winter. All-8-months of it. All the sick birds will have gone to AZ with the seniors. THAT's where the NIH should be focusing their studies.

And you know, what do those birds chirp to each other when they get sick anyway? They're hanging out at the Pet store, when you hear an avian "AH CHOO", and the Gray African Parrot says to the Cockatiel... "Hey. Jeff? You wanna cover your beak when you sneeze? Seriously, that's gross. Some poor patron get's an eyeful of your bird-boogs and then WHAMMO....W will write a check to big drug companies for $7 bill. Do your part, buddy. Be an American. That money'd be better suited elsewhere"

And seriously...I've never heard a bird sneeze before. (Or a shark for that matter. I bet they don't sneeze because sharks are bad-ass. ) Have you heard one? I mean, if they're gonna watch an animal who (probably) get's bad colds why not watch Arctic critters like polar bears...or Walruses? Walruses have got to sneeze. Gotta. I mean, if there was an animal that would probably be subjected to colds, it'd be them. (Well, it'd suck to be an elephant or an anteater...with their big schnozzes. But those mo-fo's pretty much stay in warmer environs.)

No, the walrus probably shlup shchlup schchlups along on his big ol' flippers, scraping on the cold ground when BA-BOOM. Tusk-rattling sneezes. Tusk...Rattling. And I bet they speak with German accents. "Oh, Oh, Gerta...Mah noss ist zo gestuffen....Ich habs ein cold gerflugen in sie sung alles. Und no heisse bathen to gebathen innen. Und wir sind outs nach zem thera-flu alles nacht. Oooohhhh, meine kliene Valrus Flu gehaben!!!!") Those poor walrus need to join their manatee brethren in FL. Sure, they got the hurricanes, but at least you're in a warm climate! They can sit back poolside with a Hawaiian shirt, Jams, and that funny straw hat with the green tinted visor in the front brim. Sipping a sardine and plankton bloody mary...bits of tabasco and zinc oxide getting stuck in their bushy mustache. "Ahhhh, zis is der life gegangen. Wir sind immer paradise..." Mr and Mrs Walrus can hold flippers and watch the sunset.


There it is...a walrus rant