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| I probably should have blogged about this, but after 17 years I found I was at a loss for words. Also, after the test was over I found myself at a loss for breath. Because Old Dot Com. |
Ok....black belt? Check...what else?
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| "And then the gays got married...and the seas boiled, and the sky fell, the dead rose from the...that didn't happen. Just a whole lot of blubbering from yours truly and his other BFF who never cries. |
Whatever. My BFF was trying to steal our thunder. What else is new? Um...clever gif time...
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| That's right. As soon as that ring goes on, I disappear...Ladies... |
Yasssssss, Gaga, yassssss... Postle the Younger, 2nd of his name, had an ring placed upon it.
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| "MY WIFE!!!"- ("I don't think anyone remembers the Borat reference"- My actual wife.) |
September 12th, we done did it. In 11 years of blaugging I hadn't clue one this was ever going to be in store for me, but life's little surprises are what makes it fun. Gorgeous day. Surrounded by friends and family. Couldn't have asked for a better day. Or exhausting. I've learned a few things- 1) is that the 8 months between the proposal and actual day flew by incredibly fast. 2) MORE people seemed to care about THIS life event than my BIRTHDAY (I'll find them. All of them) and lastly 3) Next to moving from one place to another without actual movers, childbirth, and watching more than 2 minutes of Fox News with the sound off...it was really tiresome. You think all lah-de-dah honeymoon is going to be HOT, when we actually slept through 60% of it. Hashtag necessary. And I came back home only to turn around and abandon my wife for an overdue work trip.
So now, it's all key parties and pot pies (the former is a joke that I know will/has worn out faster than my joking that I'd like a threesome with an open-minded girlfriend for my birthday. I digress.)...but lest you think this isn't going to be about me, I did want to let you know the final tally (as of now) was about a total loss of bodyweight at around 30 lbs. Nothing to scoff at, but I'd been hoping to get down past Cruiserweight and to about Light-Heavyweight. There's still time. Pressure's off. However, by way of comparison and showing WHY exactly I was overweight and not fitting into any of my nice clothes...well...here's the tape:
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| Yeeeeeeah...I was busy with Fringe Festival or something in 2014...yeaaaaaah. Not visiting Chipotle for the umpteenth time or anything. |
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| If you're wondering, a lot of that was walking. And no, I didn't watch a lot of TV or binge watch Netflix like I had hoped. |
Mikey’s Vows (9/12/2015)
Today, I marry my best friend. Wait.
No I won’t. Because that’d mean
even though it’s currently legal in MN it’d be one of you guys, (Gesture to Adam, Steve, Ryan, and Ro) and I’m sorry
but you’d probably drive me crazy within 2 days or less.
Brevity isn’t my strong suit. So I’ll try and keep this brief- (You a-holes better laugh)
From when we first started dating, I think there was an
established frustration at what you probably thought was me dragging my feet. I know that I didn’t really do much to help to
alleviate that image- but the truth of the matter is that your deep well of
patience has led us here. To me, that’s
the most important. Because when you
have something seems that’s too good to be true, I would sometimes worry that
the other shoe will drop or that I need to hold on as tight as you I can so
that magic never leaves me. I stalled a
little. And it’s with that, that I’m
gonna make some quick promises to you:
-I promise your family that I will care for their firstborn,
their big sister, the granddaughter/niece and best friend(s) for now through
always. In good times, and not so great times. (Check to see if you made Amy or any of R's family cry)
-I promise you that I will treat you with the love,
sensitivity, loyalty, and respect I learned from my family and friends standing
up for me today. (Most of my relations won't be crying. We're not Amish, but c'mon. Emote. Don't leave me hanging up here.)
-I PROMISE that I’ll make mistakes. I’ll say the wrong thing. (I always do) I’ll leave the seat up. (Edit: SHE always does and I worry the cat'll fall in, but if you forget to say anything you won't regret it.) But I will always try and learn and remember to
be better for you the next time.
-I promise I won’t call Groucho “Your Cat” when his litter
box is full and I won’t get upset when you re-fold the laundry I had just
folded “correctly”. (Pause. Are they breathing? Is mom giving me the "hurry up" look yet?)
-I promise I’ll always try to do my best. (Too Boy-Scouty?)
Last big promise, Rachel Mary, and this is the easy
one- I promise to hold you up, to make you laugh almost every day and even
through your tears, and to love you as deeply as you have loved me: To the moon
and back- and from the bottom of my heart.
I love you, Ranch. My
loving pancake bride.
